There's a butterfly in the well... @butterflyinthewell - Tumblr Blog

💘Pinned💘

What my username and the #AFBV tag mean.

Who I block.

Most of my nsfw posts are moved to a sideblog, but if you don’t want to see older nsfw stuff, you should blacklist the following tags to filter out adult content on this blog:

nsfw post

n s f w post

possibly nsfw post

naughty post

A little about me…

I’m a tiny ace from space who doesn’t tolerate bullies.

I’m an old fandom hag and unapologetic about it.

I love pink and purple.

I love sparkly things.

And…

Monsterverse Godzilla is my husband.

#AFBV #actuallyautistic #REDInstead #Godzilla #proship #pinned post #my stuff #Tay don’t look

thecalminside

Realize deeply that the present moment is all you will ever have.

-Eckhart Tolle

#AFBV

lotuspositivity

You become a lot happier when you figure out what you actually like. Not what society deems acceptable, but what you actually enjoy. When do you feel most content? As long as it doesn't harm anyone, do more of what makes you feel happy, excited, and comfortable.

#AFBV

patricia-taxxon

the thing is, if your younger self was a bigot or an abuser, u can't make people forgive you. but you still gotta forgive yourself, like that's non-negotiable, dude. that happens before u can even ask the question of earning forgiveness from anyone lese

patricia-taxxon

oops, in your attempt to martyr yourself out of respect for your victims you accidentally sabotaged your own ability to conceptualize yourself as anything but a perpetual evildoer who is always one bad day away from hurting everyone you love, all but guaranteeing history to repeat itself. rookie mistake

patricia-taxxon

im gonna try explaining myself, cus im a gambling addict and im waiting for the day that it actually works.

"forgiveness" is personal, that's why I said in the post that you might inflict harm on people for which they can never forgive you, but that's their quest. if you abuse someone, you can't go no-contact with yourself. you actually keep living in your own head indefinitely, and ultimately you need to learn to live with yourself in order to continue living a full life without further harm. this is not necessarily an anti-carceral thought, although i am generally anti-carceral myself. I simply want people to like, fix their heart and atone for real with measured accountability & self love instead of dissociating, self-marking themselves forever and guaranteeing their recidivism.

You and a remorseful abuser would both think I'm giving the easy, coddling path. It's actually the tough pragmatic path in disguise.

dark-fire-thoughts

Ok. I see where you going, but I strongly disagree. The one person who can't be allowed to forgive ones crimes is oneself.

Even if everyone else has forgiven you for the abuse you did, you must never allow yourself to let what you did be forgiven. Once you've done that, you've gotten to the point where you might do it again.

Never let up. Always strive towards improvement. Never let yourself live down the horrors of the past. Only by comparing ourselves to who we were can we grow.

patricia-taxxon

this is called OCD

yuyurana

It’s so fucking frustrating to argue about this on tumblr.com. Because people might pay lip service to the idea of criminal justice reform or even prison abolition. But deep down they always come back to the Calvinism of it all: there are good people (victims) and bad people (abusers) and once someone has revealed themselves to be an abuser they can never be forgiven, never be part of society again.

And if you believe the world works like that one other thing also has to be true: You know you are a ‘good person’, so nothing you ever do could be truly abusive. You could never truly harm another person. And if you did they must have deserved it. Because you are a good person.

And wow, does that not just sound like something abusers usually say, when confronted with their own behavior?

I would leave the rest up to the reader but because we are on the piss on the poor reading comprehension site here, I’m going to spell it out: get comfortable with your own fallibility. Acknowledge that you could indeed severely harm someone else. And that means that you NEED to learn to forgive yourself.

runcibility

Learning, and applying self-forgiveness also means doing the work of understanding the how of how you hurt others. And that doesn't just mean "I did bad things" - it means understanding the course of actions that led you to think doing something that hurt others was the most reasonable course of action. Sometimes that's out of sheer ignorance - doing the filthy work of fully understanding what you did will ensure that you learn. Sometimes you hurt others because you yourself were hurting - doing the work means you understand you can't perpetuate misery as a means to rid yourself of it. Sometimes you hurt others because you were deluded - doing the work means you strip yourself of maladaptive reasoning or self-serving lies and learn to listen to your actual feelings and accurately read the truth of what's going on for you and others.

All of these steps towards self-forgiveness require fucking work that fundamentally changes the person seeking that self-forgiveness. That is the fucking healing process.

If you don't allow people the grace of self-forgiveness, then there is no room for self-improvement. If there is no room for self-improvement, then there is no way to heal. And people that can't heal will inevitably do monstrous things. Pointless shame just makes hurt people more volatile.

Allowing self-forgiveness isn't transactional. Allowing self-forgiveness doesn't steal from victims, it just makes people live in a jail of shame.

butterflyinthewell

👆🏻

This!

If someone who did something shitty is doing everything to be better so they won’t do that harm again, and all people do is throw their shit in their face forever, they’re not going to bother to change because that’s all they’re being seen as.

The people they hurt don’t owe them forgiveness, but the hurt people also shouldn’t follow the abuser around and destroy them as they try to do better so they don’t repeat the harm.

It’s a different story if the person tries to brush the harm off, hide it, act like they weren’t in the wrong and continue to cause harm, then by all means warn about them everywhere.

#abuse #forgiveness #self forgiveness #swearing #AFBV

onlinecounsellingcollege

"I did not ask for the things that I’ve been through, and I certainly didn’t ask my mind to paint and repaint the memories in the form of flashbacks." - Unknown

#AFBV #grief #loss #trauma #ptsd

courageous

I suppose life is just times of getting lost and times of feeling found again.

#afbv

fireable-deactivated20180203

i hope everyone finds softness & love soon

Please…

Choosing to shine — view on Instagram https://ift.tt/PaYlqFw

#afbv #lightning #water

thepersonalquotes

Shop

#AFBV

thebibliosphere

Not sure whose Cheerios I pissed in today, but hoo, boy.

"I hope you die."

Worstie, same. You're not special.

spankerella

Was it said anonymously? Because it's so easy to be a piece of shit to someone with no nametag on.

Listen, my tumblry darlings, listen. I despise loads of people. Loads. Never wished death upon anyone online. If you're going to do that ugly shit, at least have the nerve to do it in person. To their face. If you're going to fuck around, you have to legitimately risk finding out. Otherwise, you're just a sad, pathetic, possibly angry with no outlet, coward who probably needs to look inward and figure out why you think it's okay to tell people shit like this, and I don't listen to cowards. Neither should you if you get this same kind of fuckery sent to you.

You are good. You are kind. You are important. But also, this provides an excellent opportunity to continue to exist out of spite. With spite, many things are possible. Spite is like seasoning. You can eat without it, sure, but it's so much more delicious with.

Let every barb fuel your resilience. Continue.

thebibliosphere

No, I haven't allowed anon messages on my blog for years because it made the abuse so much worse.

This is the shit people feel free to say to me on main, or at least their sockpuppets. This one in particular got a good (bleak) laugh out of me because when I checked their blog, their most recent reblog was "I think the whole point of being alive is to be kind"

Like yeah, sure you do. Asshole.

Anyway. I've survived out of spite for far too many years. That's why I'm a suicidal wreck trying to remember how to be a person. But I continue to remain alive because of the kindness and love of others. So yeah, actually, I do believe the whole point of being alive is to be kind.

The fuck else are we gonna do? Make things worse? In this timeline? Fuck outta here with that.

citizen-zero

There needs to be an addendum to Bidoof’s law because every time you see someone being absolutely hateful and cruel like this, you check their blog and find it’s all pastels and “don’t forget to be kind uwu” type shit on it.

thebibliosphere

The fact that this person had a smoll bean uwu pastel aesthetic blog and you predicted that is so fucking funny to me because I thought exactly the same thing when looking at it.

butterflyinthewell

Anybody who suibaits belongs in the trash.

#AFBV #swearing #suicide #suibaiting #long post