moved,
@fckurselfie
xoxo

★

if i look back, i am lost
tumblr dot com
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
d e v o n

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Show & Tell

shark vs the universe
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DEAR READER

pixel skylines
dirt enthusiast
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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Stranger Things

Kaledo Art
Mike Driver
trying on a metaphor
Today's Document

oozey mess

seen from Germany

seen from Singapore
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seen from Germany

seen from Japan
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seen from Türkiye

seen from United States
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seen from Malaysia
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seen from Germany
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@rotshope
moved,
@fckurselfie
xoxo
i’m remaking this blog ! it’s a mess, i’m unhappy with it, soft rebooting hasn’t helped in that regard no matter how many times / how hard i’ve tried. :’) i’m going to keep the new url lowkey bc i feel overwhelmed & need to wrangle this multimuse back to being useable lmao.
you can like this if you want me to follow you on the remade blog ! any threads / interactions / some inbox memes i have, i’m actually going to carry over for ppl i had stuff going with too lmao.
stay frosty xoxo <4
i’m remaking this blog ! it’s a mess, i’m unhappy with it, soft rebooting hasn’t helped in that regard no matter how many times / how hard i’ve tried. :’) i’m going to keep the new url lowkey bc i feel overwhelmed & need to wrangle this multimuse back to being useable lmao.
you can like this if you want me to follow you on the remade blog ! any threads / interactions / some inbox memes i have, i’m actually going to carry over for ppl i had stuff going with too lmao.
stay frosty xoxo <4
i’m remaking this blog ! it’s a mess, i’m unhappy with it, soft rebooting hasn’t helped in that regard no matter how many times / how hard i’ve tried. :’) i’m going to keep the new url lowkey bc i feel overwhelmed & need to wrangle this multimuse back to being useable lmao.
you can like this if you want me to follow you on the remade blog ! any threads / interactions / some inbox memes i have, i’m actually going to carry over for ppl i had stuff going with too lmao.
stay frosty xoxo <4
ways to love
feel free to adjust pronouns / names as needed ! quotes taken from random sources or otome games. i claim no ownership whatsoever.
❛ you are the first person i ever loved. ❜
❛ i think you will be the last person i will ever love. ❜
❛ i need you to be my forever. ❜
❛ i still can’t believe i get to take you home with me every night. ❜
❛ i am undeniably falling for you. ❜
❛ on our way to forever, together. ❜
❛ i just can’t believe how beautiful you are. ❜
❛ i have fallen deeply, madly in love with you. ❜
❛ even if it takes 500 years, i will prove to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that i loved you. ❜
❛ you vanished from my life before i ever told you my feelings. and i’ve chased your shadow ever since then. ❜
❛ if i can’t have you, i have no reason to be alive ❜
❛ i’ve got so much more to lose without you by my side. ❜
❛ i never knew i could feel at ease just by someone holding me like this. ❜
❛ i felt very comfortable walking with you. so much, that i, myself forgot to strike up conversation. ❜
❛ surely your smile would make even the blossoming flowers blush. ❜
❛ in my heart, i have counted every time you have smiled at me, or spoken to me. ❜
❛ it doesn’t matter to me who you are. right now, you are by my side. that is enough. ❜
❛ you make me hate myself a little less whenever i’m with you. ❜
❛ i will choose you, over and over again. i will always choose you. ❜
❛ if you remember me, then i don’t care if everyone else forgets. ❜
❛ in case you ever foolishly forget: i am never not thinking of you. ❜
❛ i like myself better when i’m with you. ❜
❛ i love you more than i hate everyone else. ❜
❛ you pierce my soul. i am half agony, half hope… i have loved none but you. ❜
❛ i wish i had done everything with you. ❜
❛ i wish you to know that you have been the last dream of my soul. ❜
❛ you must allow me to tell you how ardently i admire and love you. ❜
❛ each time you happen to me all over again. ❜
❛ i could list a hundred things i like about you, and i still wouldn’t have said anything. ❜
❛ the minute i heard my first love story, i started looking for you. ❜
❛ i look at you and i would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world. ❜
❛ you are my heart, my life, my one and only thought. ❜
❛ you might not have been my first love, but you were the love that made all the other loves irrelevant. ❜
❛ i love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul. ❜
❛ they could offer me anything in the world, and i would ask for you. ❜
❛ you are the friend to whom my soul is attached as to its better half. ❜
❛ my affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever. ❜
❛ if I were to live a thousand years, i would belong to you for all of them. ❜
❛ i do love nothing in the world so well as you — is that not strange? ❜
❛ if you ever have need of my life, come and take it. it is yours anyways. ❜
❛ i’ve never had a moment’s doubt. i love you. ❜
❛ every second with you outweighs days of life before i met you. ❜
❛ you weren’t doing a thing that i could see, except standing there, holding the universe together. ❜
❛ i love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. ❜
❛ i want to know you moved and breathed in the same world as me. ❜
@galaxiasus 90 for emotofu / spotify starters.
“if you hold me now and leave me never, say you’ll stay with me forever,” he speaks softly, palm upturned to larry in the space between them with patience as he waits for him to take it. because he knows he will, sure as the angels would fall and their days would keep ticking away. what an incredibly human thing, to be so openly vulnerable to another. it almost makes him feel, for a moment, as if he has a heart. “—then i’ll surrender.”
galaxiasus·.
No? No, no!
Her laughter felt like a hyena call, the blonde hunched over in an attempt to become invisible doomed to failure as he heard footsteps walk over in his direction. The groan that he lets out was immediately cut off when she wraps an arm around him and makes him nearly stumble over. With the amount of tension in his body it was a miracle he didn’t break apart immediately when she did that, or that he didn’t hit her in a way he would if it were anyone else.
“You’re fucking crazy.” He grumbles out, hand raising to hold her wrist so he has the support to not fall on top of her as they walked along. He can just barely notice the few people who he caught staring at him, as much from the useless blacked eye he could see, now watching Rachel with what he could only assume was secondhand embarrassment. He was grateful for it, of course, but he couldn’t help but let out a huff. The way she does this gets more chaotic everytime.
“For a lot of reasons. But mostly this. Sharing it with me is an awful idea. Why not give that spot to the lesbian whore that has been drooling over you? She might be more worth it than I am.” He was only partially serious. Rolling his eyes with a click of his tongue, he pokes at her arm to get her attention. “Loosen up.” He mumbles more quietly, attempting to squirm his way out of her hold. He could find the comfort in it, but the way her arm pressed against sensitive spots against his neck made it near impossible. He did not want to retaliate against her, and he was struggling to keep that want in.
“A dream. More like a nightmare. Honestly, run off at this point. Leave this shithole behind, we both know you don’t owe it anything. That one day is going to be a today at some point, and you better go and not look back on it.” He looks at her up and down, sticking his tongue out at her compliment. “Ew.”
“no, no, no! shh, do you hear that?” she stops their walking for a moment to hold her hand out in front of them, this time as if she’s waiting for him to catch the sound of something other than teenagers coughing their lungs out over by the bushes. “that, travis, is the sound of your growing love for me. one day they’ll sing how your heart grew three times larger right then.” she’s proud of herself, eyes tinkling with humor as she falls back into step with him.
of course, she responds to his request with easy, barely making note of it as she letting her arm fall a bit so that her hand is pressed gingerly against his back rather than wrapped around his shoulders.
“depressed emos, lesbian whores and edgy religious disciples. i'm going to throw the sickest parties in all of los angeles between you three.” she takes him in stride, speaking with the same dramatized tone of voice she did up on stage for theatre. if she weren’t partially glued to his side, she’d probably be monologuing right about now. “that’s definitely true, i don’t owe arcadia bay anything. and when the time comes, i won’t look back. but i owe you something, you know, power of friendship and all that.”
she scrunches her nose as if making fun of it, but she can’t hold that facade for long. she moves her hand in in an arching motion as if a cat paw, but the gesture ends with her finger pointed directly at him. “i, rachel amber, would never leave you, travis phelps, all on your lonesome. through sickness and through health, blah blah blah. if i ever up and leave without you, it's because i was, like, kidnapped or killed in a slasher narrative. god’s calling and he says ride or die.”
@salface : 13 for juliet :pleading: / spotify starters.
“ — don’t go, kitty kitty, stay with me!” she flails from her seat, reaching out over desks in the classroom so quickly that they almost topple over, but her reward is met with her arms looping around sal’s neck to drag him back towards her. it’s awkward and uncomfortable positioning, but now she has him in the death grip that is her hug, only conscious enough not to strangle him or, you know, knock his mask off in public. she’d simply kill herself if she ever did that by accident. “we have extracurricular activities today, you and i.”
@galaxiasus 26 for sweetrav (spotify meme) / spotify starters.
“ you say that ‘ I’M AN ANGEL, ’ tell me what you mean by that?” strange rumination coming from him, perhaps. it’s unlike him, but not entirely : there are moments that sweets regards him with confusion, even self awareness. he is selfish, at his core. one could argue their relationship exists solely on the heels of his unwillingness to give up or take no for an answer and perhaps, in a way, that makes sweets the villain. to call him angelic seems strange. he doesn’t quite understand him sometimes, but he also isn’t human. “i’m a nightmare, i suppose that’s what your father must have thought. but i took you away and i would never give you back - i’d have killed him for your sake if there were no other way. that’s the selfish truth, such a bitter pill."
@londonfallen › silas.
☛ yes, yes, this little repartee is hot as a cinder sparks, but my secrets don’t come from the good of my heart. if you want the information you asked me to gather, you’ll have to do something nice for me this time. funny little cult man dances and reaps the spoils, all that. ☚ their hands cease movement to wave dismissively in the space between them ‘fore they begin to circle him, arms swaying back and forth as they begin to mimic a cute little dance. a sharp crackle emits behind their mask, then a distorted, formless voice speaks in their place. “funny word that, reap. i’m a doctor, monsieur silas, did you know that? i run a quaint little practice here in london, welcome for monster and minstrel alike. but i have some nubby crumby parasites nipping at my heels making my, ah, more creative endeavors difficult to carry through. you’re a spicy artist, you should understand. i’m assuming your little puppets can take care of these leeches for me, can’t they?”
@galaxiasus 78 for trav and rachel / spotify starters.
her boisterous laugh is one that carries itself across their campus, her steps falling in time with his as she strolls up behind him. her arm flings itself over his shoulders to pull him closer so they’re walk side by side. there’s a little more sway in her step than his, her confident overcompensation likely on purpose : the way she carries herself now draws the attention away from the bruises on his face intentionally, so everyone’s eyes end up on her instead of him, as they always do.
“if we’ve only got this life, and this adventure, know that i want to share it with you, travis.” her free hand extends to gesture to the great beyond. which, notably, is not arcadia bay, but some beautiful landscape of excitement that lies far beyond their barren shores. “we’re better than this town and all its bullshit. well, i know you don’t think so, but i do. i believe in you, horrify you as it might to hear yourself praised aloud! and me? well. i’m a dream, i die by light of day. goodbye, arcadia bay. one day.”
LOADING FILE …
unpromoted // @rotshope > ukyo
He stands there frozen. Eyes staring right at the other, but it was clear he was not looking at him. As if he was looking at a ghost before him, it was certainly not an expression that he had presented to him before. As he processes what he has been told in his head, the faster his breath quickens. Finally his body starts to move, taking small steps backwards as his head shakes back and forth. First in slow motions and then it grows in rapid pace. Lips muttering out weak ‘No’s’ before a sharp gasp is let out as he nearly stumbles over a chair.
Hands grip on the edge of the chair tightly, to the point it starts to hurt. At current that is the only thing from keeping him either falling over completely, or bolting. Pain runs deeply into his chest, he could feel his heart actively tear apart. It terrified him. As much as the news itself did. Millions of questions rang in his head, each one of them he was nervous to get the answer for.
A curse was his first assumption. One implemented on him. Of course it would be he, after all he had done previously. The person who had come into his life to give and receive unconditional love were to die every single day. To serve as a reminder that nothing like that would be permanent. Things start to make sense. Those days where he would disappear. Days that he did not come back.
He swallows an incredibly dry lump. He aimed to bury those thoughts, deeming it unfair on Ukyo for him to label him as such. The next time his eyes rest on his they were desperate. Filled with plea. That perhaps it was an awful joke, or a nightmare. Denial. Denial that festers deep. Anything to lessen what he was feeling. “That.. should not be possible. Please. Is that really true?”
this is about how he’d expected it to go. if he were to be honest, maybe he’d expected it to be even worse than this. ukyo watches him with a tepid frown, gaze anxiously dropping from his face to the ground below him, where his heel begins to dig into the carpet in hopes of keeping him distracted. the worst that could happen, he supposes, is that n thinks he’s insane : something he couldn’t exactly fault him for, if he did. his story ... isn’t natural, isn’t human. had anyone tried to tell him that their life was a series of death rewinds, he thinks he’d probably question their sanity, himself, were he not living it.
“it shouldn’t,” he concedes, his voice quiet, hardly above a whisper. shortly after he speaks, ‘forth his lips spills a laugh, broken and nervous. anxious habit, he ponders, his hands now finding solace in beginning to pull at loose strands of hair that stick out from his braid. his eyes are starting to burn as the familiar urge to cry snakes its way through his aching chest. he doesn’t want to do this, have this conversation. why him? what had he ever done to deserve this?
“i’m not ... supposed to exist.” his voice cracks now, his disposition deflating. “i ... i cheated death. a few years ago. i think. time is such a blur, but i — there was a fire, at this college campus ... i was there for work, but i got caught and...” briefly, one of his hands gestures to the empty space between them. he burned to death that day. he swallows, hard. “something, someone... saved me. a god. it’s — it’s a lot, it’s hard to ... i — i don’t really know how to...”
explain.
he forces himself to look up at him now, eyes wet as he contemplates whether he should walk closer, but he’s too scared to. “i’m an anomaly. that’s what he — uhm... orion, nhil. they. it’s what they told me. i’m an anomaly who shouldn’t — exist. so the world does everything in its power to kill me, to correct me. but they... protect me. save me. i die. i wake up. i try to survive. repeat...”
spotify wrapped has arrived. send me a number from 1-100 for a starter based on that song, or a lyric from it, or send a 🎁 for me to shuffle.
❝ — I KNOW IT WELL. That sense of defeat. I’ve tasted my fair share of it. But as many times as we’ve fallen down, we’ve learned how to pick ourselves up and carry on. We take each other’s hand. Share in each other’s courage. Follow in each other’s footsteps. And #TURNSORROW into strength! / ind. sel. ALISAIE LEVEILLEUR of FINAL FANTASY XIV. / carrd. temp.
“in war victory, in peace vigilance, in death sacrifice”
starter call › @healingshard.
“ — well, nary a few weeks have passed for you, I suppose. But...” He extends his hand in a gesture between the both of them, smile bright ‘pon his lips as he examines her, seemingly no worse for wear. Truly, she looks exactly as she had when he’d left her, against his will though it may have been. How odd, to think of the rift in time that now separated them. “It has been quite some time for myself.” He’s awkward, in a sense, not entirely sure how to breech the elephant in the room. “’Tis good to see you again.”
ASSASSIN’S QUEST.
the following prompts were taken from the novel assassin’s quest by robin hobb, an american fantasy & speculative fiction writer. the novel is the third in the realm of the elderlings series, & the third book of the farseer trilogy set within said series. some prompts have been slightly edited for roleplaying suitability. please note - this trilogy features an ongoing war, & this meme may include prompts that make mention of war, death, blood, corpses, & other things some might find upsetting. feel free to change pronouns & prompts as you see fit ! ( book one & book two. )
❛ i busy my hands in the hope of distracting my mind. ❜ ❛ perhaps there can be no thanks nor any blame, but only recognition of the forces that brought us & bound us to our inevitable fates. ❜ ❛ i am always above you. you will do everything i want you to do. you will do everything i tell you to do. do you understand that ? ❜ ❛ if you go out of the door or the window, if you even open the door or the window, i will know it. & i will beat you to death. do you understand that ? ❜ ❛ she hates me now. she told me i had no loyalty, nor courage. ❜ ❛ if they were coming back, i think they’d be here by now. ❜ ❛ just because a man can do a thing does not mean he should do a thing. ❜ ❛ perhaps my trade does not allow me so many niceties of conscience as yours. ❜ ❛ i know what you’re trying to do. you’re trying to get me drunk, so i can’t keep you out. ❜ ❛ i killed them the same way they had killed my king. without a chance of fighting back, without a moment of mercy. ❜ ❛ you said i would be the death of kings, if i did not learn to leave things alone. ❜ ❛ he never needed a reason to kill them. he needed only to run out of reasons to keep them alive, & you had no control over that. ❜ ❛ we never spoke about it. i refused to think about it. but no man could have come through that unchanged. ❜ ❛ a nightmare, that was all. sorry. i was still dreaming, just a nightmare. ❜ ❛ we’ve no money to buy more supplies, & nothing left to sell off. ❜ ❛ there’s game in plenty to be had. if we can’t feed ourselves up here, we deserve to starve. ❜ ❛ i’d seen what they’d done to you. i didn’t think you could live through that. ❜ ❛ i thought we had lost you. i thought we’d done something worse than let you die. ❜ ❛ you leave behind a life, with what, the clothes on your back & an earring ? & you say there’s nothing there you’d wish brought to you. does that not strike you as strange ? ❜ ❛ sometimes a man doesn’t know how badly he’s hurt until someone else probes the wound. ❜ ❛ i’m done with it. i haven’t the spine for it. ❜ ❛ they left you nothing, not even a roof over your head, those kings you were sworn to. ❜ ❛ why do you always stand me up again, for them to knock down ? ❜ ❛ you don’t see, you can’t know. you can’t even imagine what you’ve taken away from me. ❜ ❛ all with the best of intentions, always believing you were doing what was right, no matter how it hurt me. but who gave you that right over me ? who decreed you could do this to me ? ❜ ❛ all your life, you’ve been looking after someone else, putting someone else first, sacrificing any kind of normal life for someone else’s benefit. loyal as a hound. is that a life ? ❜ ❛ i don’t want to owe you anymore. i don’t want to owe anyone anything. ❜ ❛ you came back with an … anger. like a challenge to the world at large, to kill you if it could. ❜ ❛ when were you calm & thoughtful, when were you merry with your friends, when were you ever simply at peace ? ❜ ❛ if you weren’t challenging your enemies, you were driving away your friends. ❜ ❛ for a long time now, nothing i’ve done has pleased you. or anyone. i can’t seem to make a good decision lately. ❜ ❛ over & over & over again, you forget your place ! ❜ ❛ you’ll get no assignment from me, nor will you be privy to my plans any longer. those days are over. ❜ ❛ i love you, [ name. ] i don’t withdraw that from you. but you’re dangerous. ❜ ❛ you ask me that question, but you already know you won’t like my answer. ❜ ❛ go comb your hair. you look like a wild man. ❜ ❛ it’s over. that life is over, let it go. ❜ ❛ have you ever considered what it would do to me if you died ? ❜ ❛ i’m going to kill all of them, for all they did to me, & all they took from me. ❜ ❛ i have never known a life so simple. i have finally made peace with myself. ❜ ❛ i’ll do you no harm, only let me be gone. i’m nothing to you. i’ll never trouble you again. ❜ ❛ this is what they were trying to warn me about, all those years. i did just what they had always feared i would do. ❜ ❛ time is a thing that men made up to bother themselves with. ❜ ❛ they believe me dead. they will not be lying in wait to ambush a dead man. ❜ ❛ you must be more careful. you will draw down trouble on yourself. ❜ ❛ we know only that the sole cure is a merciful death. ❜ ❛ once i had a love that i had believed would carry me through anything. they have taken that from me. now i nurture a hatred fully as strong. ❜ ❛ i shall not be long. i just want to go listen to them talk for a bit, to find out what is happening. ❜ ❛ shame to the lord that takes minstrels’ songs, & leaves their throats dry from the singing of it. ❜ ❛ some would say it is a perversion, a twisted indulgence of spirit by which men gain knowledge of the lives & tongues of beasts, eventually to become little more than beasts themselves. ❜ ❛ i hate everything about your decision, except that it has saved your life. ❜ ❛ it’s a lonely thing, to wake up in the night & be afraid. ❜ ❛ i know of nothing that can stand between a person & the dreams that come at night. ❜ ❛ i lost someone i cared for. i’ve no heart to put another in their place. ❜ ❛ i have looked into the heart of my enemy. i still cannot comprehend him. ❜ ❛ [ name ], this is a danger to both of us. go back. go back now. ❜ ❛ you’re old for it, but you could be taught to sing. ❜ ❛ what can you owe to a woman who left you ? unless you gave her cause to leave you ? ❜ ❛ nothing challenges my curiosity quite as much as a man who blushes. ❜ ❛ i would love to know what you were thinking that brought the blood to your face like that. ❜ ❛ i wonder if there is any way to live amongst other people & refuse to be harnessed by their expectations & dependencies. ❜ ❛ wait, wait ! i am not ready for this, i do not know if i will fight or run or simply faint where i stand. ❜ ❛ what kind of man are you ? what kind of a man can do a thing like that ? ❜ ❛ i can care for my hurts myself, thank you all the same. small thanks to you i am alive at all. ❜ ❛ dead men’s money to ease your conscience ? ❜ ❛ i have found you neither stupid nor craven, [ name ], so i must assume you are ignorant. ❜ ❛ what use to you this strength you have never learned to master ? ❜ ❛ no man wishes to be ill remembered in the tellings of minstrels & scribes, or worse yet, not remembered at all. ❜ ❛ yesterday was an ugly day. i would not base any life decision on it. ❜ ❛ whatever it is, [ name ], i think time will make it better. it does most things, you know. ❜ ❛ don’t make them mad. they’ll let you off with a beating, if no - one makes them angry. make them angry, & they’ll kill you. ❜ ❛ too often you have taken injuries on my behalf. what right do i have to ask that of you ? ❜ ❛ old blood does not turn on old blood. ❜ ❛ i believe that you sought me that day, & that i called out for you. though neither of us knew at the time what we were seeking. ❜ ❛ stay with me a bit. i’ll teach you what you need to know. but you won’t learn it in an hour or a day. it’s going to take months. perhaps years. ❜ ❛ isn’t that like a woman ! knows you for five minutes, & already matching you up for marriage ? ❜ ❛ if you bay out all your plans & grievances to the night moon, you cannot be astonished that others know of them. ❜ ❛ do you think they will suffer me to remain here & learn more to use against them ? ❜ ❛ i believe in what you go to do. i wish you success, & would aid you if i could. ❜ ❛ if you think the king has a grip on us here, wait until you get to where folk believe he has a right to it. ❜ ❛ they would not scruple to use them against you. give them up, to protect them. ❜ ❛ i don’t think, truly, that i am better than any beast. though, as you say, i am smarter than some. ❜ ❛ what right in there in letting such ugliness shape your life ? ❜ ❛ what kind of a moron, i ask myself, tries to walk through an unfamiliar swamp in the dark ? ❜ ❛ not even the drunkest sailor i have ever known would so profane a wedding feast. ❜ ❛ i think perhaps i have overstayed my welcome. ❜ ❛ so insidiously gentle a touch you have, that one can scarcely feel when you are using it. ❜ ❛ it is good to know well a man you are going to kill; it is not good to understand him. ❜ ❛ it is said that when two men meet there to resolve a question with their fists, the gods themselves witness it & see that justice does not go awry. ❜ ❛ i assure you that i have come only to see the wonders i have so often head of in tales. ❜ ❛ to me, the wonder of the song is not a hard that would play by itself, but a minstrel who would find a woman’s body, & be inspired to make a harp of her breastbone. ❜ ❛ i’ve lost my way in this great maze of a house. ❜ ❛ did you think with the merrymaking going on, you could just slip about & fill your pockets with whatever you found, thief ? ❜ ❛ to hear you talk, you would think you are the only one who has made any sacrifices. ❜ ❛ i shan’t attack you. it would be a shame to spring such a trap as this on one such as you, & have you die before you appreciated the fullness of your failure. ❜ ❛ you would have been a worthy opponent, save that in your conceit you always underestimated me. ❜ ❛ just me, [ name. ] got to borrow a horse, or they’ll kill me. again. ❜ ❛ it was a gift from a friend. it’s not a thing i’d part with for silver. ❜ ❛ i wonder if anyone, anywhere, gets to live the life he wants. ❜ ❛ how could you die & leave me like this ? ❜ ❛ it wasn’t supposed to be this way, you were supposed to come after me, you were supposed to find me so i could forgive you. ❜ ❛ it’s going to be alright. it’s supposed to be like this. i think. ❜ ❛ better not to ask than to ask & be refused. ❜ ❛ as beautiful as you are, what would you have to cry about ? ❜ ❛ i would not let so small a thing as my death come between us. ❜ ❛ oh, take care of them, see they come to no harm, guard them as if they were your own, until i can come to them. ❜ ❛ somehow, i am going to make my name, going to witness some great event & make a song about it that will be sung down the years. ❜ ❛ he’s ruined my face. ❜ ❛ skin as fair as yours doesn’t scar all that easily. even if it leaves a mark, it won’t be large. ❜ ❛ he’s an awful man. i hate him ! i’d run away if i could. ❜ ❛ sometimes, it only makes one more lonely to know that somewhere else, one’s friends & family are well. ❜ ❛ there’s no sense in thinking of what’s far away & what you haven’t got. it will only make you unhappy. be content with what you can have now. ❜ ❛ let me show you all i can do for you. ❜ ❛ why worry about a thing that may never come to pass ? ❜ ❛ i only meant to be kind to you, nothing more. ❜ ❛ i’d rather witness history than make it. ❜ ❛ i’ve no wish to hear more of your ghost tales before i seek my blankets tonight. ❜ ❛ don’t make mock of me. i won’t be made fun of. ❜ ❛ is this some sort of revenge ? are you angry because i wouldn’t bed you ? ❜ ❛ how can you look at yourself & think anyone would want you for your own sake ? ❜ ❛ endure. live, & see what chances are offered you. ❜ ❛ once you’ve poisoned a man, you might as well rob him as well. ❜ ❛ honour no longer seems to have much to do with my life. ❜ ❛ even after the sound of his weeping became too soft to hear, even after he died, i heard it still inside my mind. sometimes i still can. ❜ ❛ i was worried. you said you’d be back yesterday. ❜ ❛ yes, there is to be a dinner this evening, a most lavish affair, my dear, only the very finest of folk to be invited. ❜ ❛ was i the king, i’d find a better made man to advise me. ❜ ❛ it is all i have left of them. pain, & a dream of revenge. ❜ ❛ i’ve no songs for you right now, but i’ve got tidings that would interest you. ❜ ❛ you’ve nothing to fear from me, i assure you. on the contrary, it is i who place myself at risk in seeking you out. ❜ ❛ & now that you have found me, what do you want of me ? a bribe for your silence ? ❜ ❛ you might thank me for making it a bit less likely that folk would recognize you on the street. ❜ ❛ as alone as you are, [ name ], you had better decide to trust someone. ❜ ❛ it is expected of minstrels that they will consort with outlaws & rebels as well as nobles & merchants. ❜ ❛ you look different today, & it’s not just the haircut. you’ve made up your mind about something. ❜ ❛ we have been given poor directions. come, let us take ourselves back to town & try again. ❜ ❛ hush. i’m the one taking the risks, so i’ll be the one to say what i will or will not do. ❜ ❛ have you never bargained before in your life ? you give too much, too fast. ❜ ❛ i know what i have & i know what it’s worth. it’s worth whatever trouble you’d have to go through for us. ❜ ❛ i don’t like changes, especially not at the last minute. changes say you weren’t really ready in the first place, & now you’re even less ready. ❜ ❛ this whole trip was a bad idea, & no good is going to come of it, i can see that right now. ❜ ❛ i am glad you are here. but i still don’t understand why you came back to me. ❜ ❛ i wish it were otherwise. i wish there were some way i could free you of this. but i do not even know how to free myself. ❜ ❛ not knowing how you are bound, i do not know how to loose you. ❜ ❛ i will have for us a life of our own. we shall win it together. ❜ ❛ you have never been able to grasp the difference between fear & respect. you have no belief in a man’s respect for you unless it is tainted with fear. ❜ ❛ i believed them dead once before, & my trust in the word of others nearly got me killed. this time i will see them, see them hacked in pieces before i rest. ❜ ❛ this was no show of force or temper. this was a display of purest vindictiveness. ❜ ❛ these are the only tasks i have given you; why cannot you do them ? ❜ ❛ you appear at the junctures of history & shape it. some say you come to set history on its proper course. ❜ ❛ the same wars are fought, the same plagues descend, the same folk, good or evil, rise to power. humanity is trapped on that wheel, doomed endlessly to repeat the mistakes we have already made. unless someone comes to change it. ❜ ❛ think how often you have wished to have more time for something, or wished you could go back a day & do something differently. when humanity is freed of time, old wrongs can be corrected before they are done. ❜ ❛ you are alone on your quest. do not others agree with you ? ❜ ❛ who are all these people & why have you brought them here ? what good is a bolthole if half the countryside knows of it ? ❜ ❛ it is one thing to be willing to die for another. it is another to sacrifice the living of one’s life for another. ❜ ❛ i have no desire to be a hero. only to do what i must to be free to live my own life. ❜ ❛ to me it seems as if every step i take carries me deeper into a mire, & the more i struggle, the more firmly i embed myself. ❜ ❛ so i shall follow you, for great events seem to happen in your wake. ❜ ❛ time doesn’t stop for me just because you’re gone. ❜ ❛ tell me who you are, i want you for myself. ❜ ❛ if they love you that much, would they begrudge you an added bit of warmth & comfort on such a cold night ? ❜ ❛ i think you have finally begun to respect me as i deserve. ❜ ❛ he is not a deity to offer thanks to, but a god to swear by. the only blessing he sends his worshippers are storms & hardships to make them strong. ❜ ❛ the small folk of a land can only be oppressed so long before they rise up in their own defence. ❜ ❛ that’s a vicious herb for a young man to be using. ❜ ❛ it may dull the pain of a headache, but it dulls the mind as well. i’d be wary of it, were i you. ❜ ❛ i have trusted, & it has brought me what it always has. ❜ ❛ i am not a fool. i know far more of what goes on than you think i do. ❜ ❛ if you give me any trouble at all, i shall have you killed. ❜ ❛ you believe even one of these peasants’ lives to be worth the equal of yours ? ❜ ❛ we’ve come a long way from where we began, haven’t we ? ❜ ❛ i will guard my position against anything that threatens it, guard it savagely. ❜ ❛ i need no one to speak for me, my lord, nor am i any man’s servant. ❜ ❛ as prisons go, this is the nicest one i’ve ever been in. ❜ ❛ why are you not to speak to me ? ❜ ❛ can you at least tell me what you know about what’s to come of me ? ❜ ❛ knowing the prince is not the same as liking him. ❜ ❛ i won’t be the one to die for letting you go free. ❜ ❛ i learned long ago not to blame myself for evil done to me. ❜ ❛ break it off, you fool, do not risk me for your vengeance ! ❜ ❛ i have given them a reason to fear me. now they will never rest until they’ve destroyed me. ❜ ❛ i have the grace to be ashamed of that thought. i also know that shame will not keep me from doing it. ❜ ❛ fate has made me a killer, a liar, & a thief, & the harder i try to avoid these roles, the more firmly i am pushed into them. ❜ ❛ i love you. but i do not wish to be you. ❜ ❛ you might have knocked. even one such as i occasionally has other guests. ❜ ❛ all of that is blood ? how do you yet live ? ❜ ❛ what has become of me, that i did not even know you though i carried you in my arms ? ❜ ❛ when i recall how beautiful you were … ❜ ❛ i should have listened to my dreams. over & over, i dreamed you were coming. ❜ ❛ these are words i have hungered to hear. i must know everything. ❜ ❛ there was a naiveté to you that none of the ugliness could stain, as if you never truly believed in evil. it was what i liked best about you. ❜ ❛ we will have to take up those lives, as little as we care for them, & fulfill all fate has decreed for us. ❜ ❛ if there must be another my fate is twined around, i am glad it is you. ❜ ❛ i’d have come to see you before, but i was turned away at the door. ❜ ❛ i trusted you ! i trusted you with my secrets, & you have betrayed me. what a fool i’ve been ! ❜ ❛ you know what such tidings mean to me. why ? why lie to me ? ❜ ❛ would you have let them be used, as we have been used ? ❜ ❛ there is no end ! that duty will hound me into death. ❜ ❛ i’m sorry. i have never been what you thought i was. never. ❜ ❛ you may leave. unfortunately, i still live here. ❜ ❛ i suppose you feel you cannot trust me anymore. not that i blame you. ❜ ❛ everyone hates me now. for the secrets i kept, for all the ways i failed them. ❜ ❛ sometimes all the choices are poor ones, [ name ], & still a man must choose. ❜ ❛ i do not tease you to be cruel. i tease you as i tease everyone. ❜ ❛ you can be quite charming, when you have the time. ❜ ❛ i can always tell when you are wearied, you ask the most inane questions. ❜ ❛ the plans will be made, the arrangements undertaken, & then they will tell me what they wish me to do, & i will do it. has not that always been my function ? ❜ ❛ i had been so sure that despite all you had endured, your heart was true. ❜ ❛ you thought you knew me so well, you thought you had crafted such a tool as could not defy your purpose. ❜ ❛ no - one can force me to fulfill any such prophecies ! ❜ ❛ i don’t think there is anything more frightening than to encounter the true will for self - destruction. ❜ ❛ someone has to do it. for a time, i hoped it would not be me. ❜ ❛ i am so tired of doubts & guilts, so weary of duties & debts. ❜ ❛ she takes my simple dismissal of her as an insult, & strives to make of it some lack or fault in me. ❜ ❛ for too long i put my faith in believing that things would turn out as they should. i will not fall prey to those expectations again. ❜ ❛ poison & knives. this is what you think of me. this is still how you see me. death is all you can imagine for me. ❜ ❛ you can’t see that isn’t who i am any longer, you can’t forgive me for wanting a life of my own ! ❜ ❛ new boots ? as little as you venture outside, i would scarcely think you need them. ❜ ❛ i expect to die on the journey, if it’s any comfort to you. ❜ ❛ these questions so frighten me that i have almost no desire to pursue the answers, save that if i do not, another may. ❜ ❛ you have always been far stronger than i in matters of skill or stubbornness. ❜ ❛ i cannot change my attitude about duty & sacrifice than i could change the blood & bones of my body. it is who i am. ❜ ❛ i can’t live on your kindness forever. i’ve got to get on with my life. somehow i just can’t think how to begin, just now. ❜ ❛ she pines for me, she yearns for me in the depths of her soul, but knows not how to express it, poor thing. ❜ ❛ it has been so long since your tongue has had an edge to it, it’s almost a relief to hear you mock me. ❜ ❛ you absolutely reek of omens & portents & prophecies coming into focus. ❜ ❛ are you sure you want to know ? the last time we made such a trade, when i gave you the secret you’d bargained for, you found you did not want it. ❜ ❛ all these years & you never even knew ? never even suspected ? ❜ ❛ to bear my sorrow is one thing. to bring sorrow to you is another. ❜ ❛ i’ve a serious question to ponder. i’ll not find the answer to this in your bed. ❜ ❛ they’ll already be in place, their plot already in motion. what am i to do ? ❜ ❛ i begin to fear, [ name. ] forces pull at you, taking you to places i cannot follow. ❜ ❛ i would not use you so harshly, were the need not so great. ❜ ❛ look behind you, [ name. ] you have left a trail of blood & mayhem. ❜ ❛ they’ve no cover worth mentioning, & they aren’t expecting an attack. if i’m lucky, i can kill one before they know i’m even around. ❜ ❛ in the end, it was simple. ugly mindless slaughter, but simple. ❜ ❛ i just wish that i could simply sleep for a time. alone in my mind, dreaming my own dreams, without fearing where i’ll go or who might attack me. ❜ ❛ there is no sense in trying to play that game with the past. here is where we are today, & we can only make our moves from here. ❜ ❛ when my prophecies were different from what they had planned, they were not pleased with me. ❜ ❛ did you see my crown ? wasn’t it magnificent ? ❜ ❛ it is not that i wish to keep secrets, but these secrets defy telling in mere words. ❜ ❛ i do not ask that you court her, only that you do not let her be rent with jealousy. ❜ ❛ you think that everything in the world, no matter how private, should be a topic for discussion. ❜ ❛ admit it. you asked that question with never a thought as to whether it would hurt my vanity. ❜ ❛ you know i love you. after all that has been between us, how can you even ask ? ❜ ❛ the words popped into my head & i said them. i often say things i have not well considered. ❜ ❛ i have come to understand that you do not live by the same rules that i do. ❜ ❛ why should not i take my pick of what i can have ? ❜ ❛ by your love you are betrayed, & your love betrayed also. ❜ ❛ let us not think of tomorrows that may never come. ❜ ❛ oh, i like not this place. i like it not at all. ❜ ❛ perhaps i learned by listening instead of asking personal questions all the time. ❜ ❛ the gods mercy, tell me you are lying, please ! ❜ ❛ it had never occurred to me, somehow, that you could be wrong or mistaken. ❜ ❛ some tale - tellers speak of bargains struck with ancient demons of the earth. ❜ ❛ you heed no - one’s rebukes, nor do you recall that silence can be a virtue ! ❜ ❛ it irritates me beyond words that you can go so abruptly from serious words to some kind of knavery. ❜ ❛ prophets are not always right. did they say, for certain, that they had seen your death ? ❜ ❛ i fear my death, but fearing it will not stop it. so i make what provisions i can. ❜ ❛ even as i appreciate the artistry of what has been done, i am not sure i approve it. ❜ ❛ my hands & arms are covered with magic. i do not know what would happen to you, were i to touch you. ❜ ❛ is your tongue hinged in the middle, so that it flaps at both ends ? ❜ ❛ you have no idea of how to be careful. you won’t know you’ve lost your way until you’re gone. ❜ ❛ this conversation goes in circles. i am tired of riddles & guesses & beliefs. i want to know what is real. ❜ ❛ i have tried so hard to forget it. if i touch those memories at all, they seethe & burn within me like a poison i cannot be rid of. ❜ ❛ they ascribe to you every evil ambition they can imagine. ❜ ❛ you would not ask that, if you knew what you were asking. ❜ ❛ it is not enough that i am trapped here in misery forever, alone & cut off from all i once loved ? ❜ ❛ ignorance is always the excuse used by the cruelly curious. ❜ ❛ i’m blundering in the dark, hurting everyone i care about in the process. ❜ ❛ i am saying what i know, regardless of how others may come to think of me. ❜ ❛ i would have forgiven you. i would never have wished this on you. ❜ ❛ i think your heart eats itself hollow with jealousy. ❜ ❛ stay away from me, [ name. ] for all our sakes. ❜ ❛ do you speak truth, or do you simply seek to save your skin ? ❜ ❛ she draws you to her now, & you think you go out of pity. but she will take from you whatever she needs to rise, even if it is your whole life. ❜ ❛ you are young, & lovely. so full of spirit. you deserve better. ❜ ❛ for all your quick tongue, you have a soft nature. ❜ ❛ you know you will just say the wrong thing, so why don’t you be quiet for a time ? ❜ ❛ no matter what you do here now, you are defeated. i win. ❜ ❛ i shall be a hero. no - one will oppose me then. ❜ ❛ they are jealous, always jealous, & they will turn on you. ❜ ❛ you have no concept of governing a kingdom, only of wearing a crown & doing what you wish ! ❜ ❛ it is, after all, a time for heroes & all sorts of marvelous things to occur. ❜ ❛ when you come, you bring me news. i do not know that i always welcome it. ❜ ❛ i think i will always miss you. ❜ ❛ i think i will rise on the morrow, & find some new meaning to my life. ❜