minn

count the stars with me♡

[rottenskinn]

its the little things, like wanting to feel safe when you wake up, wanting to breathe without forcing out every breath, going to sleep like without dreading about waking up the morning after.

[rottenskinn]

i dread waking up, as much as i dread taking my next painful breath

[rottenskinn]

[rottenskinn]

waking up at 3 am wishing that the pain shooting in your chest goes numb, almost running out of your house; only to realize that this is all you have for a home

[rottenskinn]

at times i wake up with a loud ringing in my ears, it escalates to a point where all i hear is my brain asking me to run; im always on the run, from what? i do not know, but i wish i did

[rottenskinn]

your head in the crook of their shoulder, your hands engulfed in theirs, their head in your lap, the quiet touch of their lips to your cheek, the brush of their fingers through your hair, and them leaning their face in your hand, god where else would you ever want to be if not with them, being bathed in their scent that feels like home

[rottenskinn]

the feminine urge to help people with their studies when im horribly unmotivated to do my own studies, just so i can get a sense of accomplishment is where my mental health is at

[come-chaos]

Me: Okay, I’m going to ask my friend if he wants to hang out, and I’m going to be fine regardless if he says yes or no. I’ve worked on this. I’m in a good place mentally. I’m not going to let a ‘no’ ruin my week, nor my evening, nor let it bother me that much at all. It’s going to be fine. I can do this.

Him: *doesn’t reply at all*

Me: oh no

[rottenskinn]

i feel loved in the gaps between life, i feel loved when im swinging my legs on the train and i feel loved when my head is on my friend's shoulder and i feel loved when she is holding my hand and i feel loved when they are ruffling my hair in a hug, and when i don't feel loved is when i sleep in my mother's bed to mourn silent tears for not being loved.

[rottenskinn]

it is okay to love and leave when you can't stay, it is okay to fall out of love and it's perfectly fine to love again, you're not bound with any rules

[teacuppigdog]

Me, reblogging from anyone I don't follow: I'm introducing diversity into the gene pool. This will make my mutuals' dashes stronger and healthier.

[rottenskinn]

trauma leaves you so exhausted because u might even feel guilty for telling someone " im not ok" since you feel like you are not supposed to be vulnerable to anyone and u feel like you're taking up too much attention if you dare speak abt how u feel, you gaslight yourself into believing u are ok just so that u can avoid feeling guilty

[rottenskinn]

having mental health issues is like, a good chunk of your day is spent trying to settle down your anxiety and calming your pulse and attempting to concentrate on your tasks and then you realize it's already 10pm and your anxiety is back again because you weren't productive enough and you're afraid to sleep because you dont wanna have nightmares so you end up staying up late and just generally feeling disappointed

[rottenskinn]

the worst part about spending your teens being abused or in an abusive atmosphere and being robbed off any sort of memories is that you keep mourning the lost time and it is a constant feeling. once you are away from the source of abuse/trauma, you're probably going to be feeling worse until you start healing and when you look back you realize you've come a long way but you've also spent almost 2/3 of your life healing and its bittersweet since others your age had all that time to do things that genuinely made them happy while you were just trying to stay alive

[rottenskinn]

growing up in an abusive house, you learn two things quicker than anything else, you apologize every damn time even if it's not even minutely your mistake and you obsess over the consequences of even the most trivial mistakes, almost as if one small mistake could swallow up your whole existence

[rottenskinn]

and no one talks about how everyone praises you for being brave and tolerant for going through abuse but all it does is make you so mentally weak that doing normal things like brushing your teeth or drinking water seem like huge tasks and eating from a certain container or wearing certain clothes ends up triggering you into flashbacks. i read somewhere " trauma doesn't make you strong" and it truly doesn't, it robs you of any or every chance at normalcy and you spend your whole life trying to heal from something that wasn't even in your control

[rottenskinn]

the feminine urge to study for 6 hours straight and paint for another 6 hours and read for another 6 hours and then skip every meal to go 2 bed for 6 hours. yes.