bienvenue @roundingriver - Tumblr Blog

How a person reacts to your sadness says a lot about how long they’re going to be in your life.

S. Z. (via perfectquote)

@ baby daddy please do better for our girl

my baby is gone for two weeks again with her dad. mornings and nights feel meaningless without her. the house is empty, my thoughts are clouded, my motivation is non existent. i come in the door, step around her mess that i have yet to clean up, curl up in bed and fill my brain with distractions until it’s time for bed. as i fall asleep i tell myself that tomorrow will be better. tomorrow will be the day that i pick my shit up and make a change. i am still a human when she is gone, i am still a mother, i still have someone to take care of and that’s myself. but it’s so easy to be a piece of shit when she’s gone. i’m scared of life outside of my clouded thoughts when she’s not around. i miss her and i miss me.

#splitcustody #depression #sturuggling #motherhood #singlemom

soracities

“‘Do you fall in love often?’ Yes often. With a view, with a book, with a dog, a cat, with numbers, with friends, with complete strangers, with nothing at all.”

— Jeanette Winterson, Gut Symmetries (via luthienne)

weltenwellen

“I’m 24 years old and play this game with myself: buy myself something delicious for the weekend, blueberry muffins or flaky croissants, and forget it by Friday. Saturday morning comes and I am lucky to know me. I wasn’t born knowing how to love me, but I’m learning now; catching up for lost time between us. I keep the windows open. I play oldies throughout every corner of my apartment. I tell the dog how good it feels, at least for today, at least for right now, to be alive.”

— Schuyler Peck, Can’t Get Enough Of My Love

positiveupwardspiral

Day Four

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to say and where I want to say it, so first - If you know me in person please do me a favor and either get away from this post or pretend that you don’t know the person writing it. Second - My name is not important right now but I’ve been an addict for give or take seven years now, since I was 18 (taking a break through some of it to have a baby and be a family) I’ve been a functioning alcoholic for one year and two months. Alcohol is my drug of choice and it’s been around me and part of me for as long as I can remember. Whats prompting me to write tonight is that I’ve been willingly sober for the longest time since my current wave of addiction started back up one year and two months ago. I’ve been sober for a whole whopping four days. Woop Woop. It sounds pretty pathetic but after many pathetic attempts at trying to get sober I’m finally in a headspace where I actually want to try. The last few days have really made me start to understand that you have to take shit day by day, it’s so easy to think you understand that concept but this is me getting it for the first time. There’s been lots of thinking going on the last few days, but not the negative stuff, I’ve been kind to my thoughts, I’ve been kind to myself, it’s been really nice. Fuck, I’m even eating chocolate again, alcohol is my demon because for whatever reason it tells me chocolate is bad, I don’t need chocolate but as I sit here in the dim light with my cup of tea and my lindor white chocolate I’m appreciating how much more honoring this is for myself rather than sunken in to the couch with a bag of chips, bottle of wine and reality tv. *sigh, I do love chips, wine and reality tv*

This is where my 14 year old self came to let off steam when I was losing/lost my father and this is where my 24 year old self plans on staying to start my story of healing, recovery and life.

#dayfour healing sobriety addiction startofmyjourney