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Multi-fandom. Assorted thoughts. Some adult language. RovingOtter on AO3.

[rovingotter]

"A Change of Plans" is complete at three chapters: https://archiveofourown.org/works/87807146/chapters/232700786

I will probably write more for these two at some point, since their subplot continues to be the most interesting part of HOTD season 3 for me.

[ohgodthebrainworms]

I don't know who needs to hear this, but it's totally fine to have a job that just pays the bills and to do your creative thing in your spare time. That's not failure, or "settling".

If your job is tolerable, pays a living wage, and leaves you with enough energy to do the creative thing, it's probably a better option than sucking the joy out of your hobby by making it your income source. Keeping your hobby as your hobby means you're not beholden to actual or potential customers or gatekeepers - you can do whatever the fuck you want, because you're not relying on it to keep a roof over your head. Which means you'll probably make better art.

[rovingotter]

Added another chapter to my Larygon fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/87807146/chapters/232700786

Mild spoilers for HOTD season 3:

I saw the preview for episode four, and while I'm looking forward to more scenes of these two characters and their journey, I find it odd that Aegon's disability seems to be getting downplayed so much recently. Like in s2 they made a point of emphasizing that he was going to have permanent difficulty with walking. When he and Larys left King's Landing, he couldn't even stand without visibly being in pain.

I could overlook the moment when he jumps out of the carriage and fights that soldier, because adrenaline can be a powerful painkiller, but like...now he seems to be walking around without even a cane and without any apparent pain. Given that he and Larys are fugitives right now I think we can assume that he still doesn't have access to painkillers. And they seem to be traveling on foot?!

Idk, maybe I'm nitpicking, but given Larys' whole speech in season 2 about how Aegon would "never run again" and would have to get used to a life of limitations, I was expecting this subplot to actually grapple a bit more with the realities and difficulties of them being two disabled men (one with chronic pain issues as well) on the run. But I feel like Aegon's disability is gonna get reduced to him just having a few scars.

So this fic is, I guess, my attempt to write them actually dealing with those difficulties.

(Still hyped for episode 4.)

[cat-on-branch]

"Jax look. I know we don't get along but I think I found the fourth wall."

[1794]

finally someone else talking about this

[oldcoyote]

if you ever doubt that your ao3 comments matter or mean something: i have been struggling with my writing for 6 months straight, crying myself to sleep afraid that i will never be able to write again, that the thing i love most in the world has left me, that my writing is just gone

this morning i got this comment:

and after i stopped blubbering over it, i picked up my writing notebook, and re-read all my fic research, and opened up my document again for the first time in weeks without being afraid of it

you have no idea how much writers treasure every single comment we get. you have no idea how big an impact you can have. sometimes, just sometimes, your one "insignificant" comment changes everything

[rovingotter]

There was a time when I abandoned a fic for like four months because I felt like it just wasn't getting much interest anymore. Then I stumbled across a random comment on Twitter (not even directed at me) lamenting the fact that this story hadn't been updated in four months. I immediately started working on it again, updated it within a few days of seeing that comment, and eventually finished it.

I get that a lot of readers are worried about pestering or pressuring authors or don't want to come across as entitled to their work, but just an indication that people are still paying attention and checking for updates can make all the difference in terms of motivation.

[rovingotter]

Last TADC discourse post, I promise! Though it is a very long and rambly one, about redemption archs and accountability and other such things. Jax-centric.

There's this conversation happening where some people will say "Jax was never held accountable. She should have faced more consequences for her abuse of the other characters" and other people will say, "She abstracted, which is basically death. What more consequence do you want?"

I think there is a disconnect here as to what is meant by "consequence" or "accountability." Consequence is not synonymous with "suffering," and from a narrative standpoint, death is not necessarily a consequence. It can be, but it really depends on context.

For instance, if you have a story about a parent who is emotionally abusive to their adult children and then the parent gets a terminal illness and dies a slow and painful death, this isn't really accountability or consequence, because the illness had nothing to do with the abuse. It's just the blind cruelty of the universe. If anything, it makes the abusive character more sympathetic because they're now suffering even more than the people they hurt. That's not to say that telling a story like this is inherently bad; there'd be plenty of stuff to explore there in terms of the confusing emotions the children would feel in this situation. Succession does stuff with a premise like this in terms of Logan Roy's increasingly poor health throughout the series, while he continues to fuck with his kids' heads. Logan suffers a lot as a result of his stroke. But this is not what people mean when they say "X should have faced consequences for their actions."

What many people wanted with Jax was, I think, a scene like the one we got with Caine, with all the characters venting to his face about how much harm his actions have caused. What we got instead was Jax abstracting off-screen, which is not cathartic or satisfying in the same way. Which, again, is not to say that it was the wrong decision from a writing standpoint. I think it would've been repetitive to have two such confrontations. But for the people who specifically wanted to get that moment with Jax, I get why they are dissatisfied...especially since Jax's cruelty was a lot more pointed and deliberate than Caine's.

I've tried to avoid getting too in-the-weeds with discussing the reveal of Jax as trans in the finale and how it intersects with this conversation about "accountability," but I do find this particular intersection of discourse to be very frustrating. I've said before that I think the reveal was done well and tactfully, and I still think that. It also doesn't fundamentally change much about the character. We already knew, pre ep9, that Jax had some kind of secret pain or struggle which was shaping their behavior. The finale filled in the blank on what it was, but the secret could have been something else, or remained completely unrevealed, and the character's arch would have been fundamentally the same: it is an arch about self-isolation and nihilism and using cruel humor as a mask and a coping device, and any number of secret pains could serve as the grain of sand for forming this sort of toxic pearl. But the reveal of Jax as a woman (or at least some form of transfem) has brought a gender-politics charge to the whole discussion around her, which is unavoidable but (I think) is also kind of a tiresome red herring.

And I want to reiterate here that I do not think this is "bad rep" or that it should be taboo to portray queer characters as abusive or as bad people. Queer characters should be allowed to showcase the entire range of human experiences. Women can be abusers too, while still being complex people with reasons for being that way, even if that doesn't absolve them, etc. If anything I find it refreshing to find a nuanced portrayal of a female abuser.

But responding to "Jax should have been held accountable and faced more consequences" with, "You just hate trans people," or, "You just hate women" is intellectually dishonest. It's a cope. Yes, there are people out there who will simp for a problematic male character while not granting the same leniency to a problematic female character, but the thing here is, most of the people who hate the character also hated the character pre-reveal, when they still believed that Jax was a man. Because egg representation is kinda rare in general and because "problematic" eggs are especially rare in fiction, this is a particular, unique case...which is, honestly, what makes it interesting, but which also breeds a lot of moon logic discourse like "you just hate this character because she's a woman even though you thought she was a man until two seconds ago."

Tldr: "I wish this abuser had apologized for her actions instead of dying anticlimactically off-screen" is not bigotry. It's not a case of "death is too good for her." It's like the abusive parent dying of cancer before the kids get a chance to confront them and ask for an acknowledgment of all the harm that they caused. It's the denial of that validation and the frustration that it brings.

I don't exactly "like" Jax but I'm not claiming any moral high ground over people who do. I've liked plenty of "bad" or morally gray characters. Jax's crimes are small potatoes next to some of my blorbos and their massive body counts. My type is "has an anti tag." I mean, Caine is really more my type than Jax but Jax has a way of stealing the spotlight (in the show and in fandom), so here I am talking about her, Again. All this to say: you can like Jax while acknowledging that the bulk of the fan hatred toward Jax is a result of Jax's actions and choices, not her identity.

[fantastic-red-shirt]

ALEX 👏 HAS 👏 SPOKEN 👏

[rovingotter]

Haven't had a chance to watch HOTD season 3 episode 3 yet and might not for a few days. Can anyone tell me whether there are any scenes devoted to Larys and Aegon and their road trip subplot? (But don't spoil me on anything else). Thnx.

[katificer]

[rovingotter]

Because I guess I'm still not done with TADC discourse...

I've heard some takes that Caine's redemption arch was rushed, and I do kinda feel that. I have mixed feelings about the decision to bring him back, because his "death" was such an impactful and shocking moment and having it turn out to be a fake-out kind of weakens that.

I'm still ultimately glad they did bring him back, because I think an ending with Caine permanently dead would have just felt too bleak. He's the soul of the show in many ways. But I would've liked to see a few more steps in his emotional journey. If Goose was hellbent on giving so much attention to Jax's backstory and mindscape (which is her prerogative, of course) I think this show really needed one more episode to flesh out...everything else.

One really bizarre take I've seen about Caine, though, is that his redemption arch isn't really about remorse, he's just afraid of the Circus-members now that he knows they have the power to kill him, so he's behaving himself out of fear. And...no?

Caine is still a nearly all-powerful god in this world. He could still kill any of them at any time (or worse). Kinger was only able to "kill" him because Caine was distracted, and even then, he didn't actually kill him, he just temporarily booted him into the void or something. None of the humans are a legitimate threat to Caine. We saw how easily he could squish them like flies if he really wanted to. The only power they have over him is emotional, because ultimately, he's someone who wants to be liked and to do good. Plus we hear him talking to himself in the void so we know that he's genuine in feeling bad about his actions; fear doesn't really factor into it.

And that matters, because what actually makes his redemption feel earned for me is that he is confronted, held accountable, had all his very real flaws starkly laid out in front of him in the most triggering way possible...and while he obviously reacted quite badly in the moment, he ultimately listened. He moved past his own pain and insecurities. He heard them and grew as a person.

Anyway, just needed to get that off my chest.

[christophernolan]

Dreams didn't make us kings. DRAGONS did.

[rovingotter]

Another concept for a TADC fic I'll probably never write:

Kinger and Caine work together on a program which can restore abstracted people, and Jax is the first successful de-abstraction. Jax returns in a female form and, after some initial confusion and an adjustment period, she reintegrates into the group and resumes normal Circus life as a happier version of herself. But the story mainly focuses on Gangle's POV and her feelings about this.

When Jax first abstracted, Gangle grieved for him but also felt some relief at her abuser no longer being in the picture, along with guilt over her relief. She spent a lot of time talking to Zooble and working through her feelings about this. She misses Jax, in a way, but still has nightmares about him. She feels robbed of the chance to actually confront him over the abuse and find some kind of closure. But now that's not possible, and she gradually accepts that it isn't possible and makes her peace with a Circus where Jax is no longer present. Her mental health dramatically improves and she's no longer "the sad one."

...and then, suddenly, Jax is back, but different, and going by a different name (Lilly). And she's still snarky and sharp-tongued and recognizably Jax but, after that initial adjustment period, she's a lot more easy-going and no longer actively abusive. She gives a cursory apology for the way she treated the others, but in a way that seems more like a deflection. She pins it all on "Jax" and is like "pffft yeah fuck that guy, he was an insecure loser. Good riddance," in a way that kind of skirts around the fact that she was Jax and that she is the one who did those things, even if she looks different now.

And because the rest of the group is hanging out with Lilly and everything seems fine, Gangle doesn't want to rock the boat. She finds herself self-isolating to avoid Lilly. Gangle's mental health begins to crumble once again. She's haunted by the idea that Lilly will start slipping back into old behavioral patterns and start targeting her again. And she finds it hard to confide in anyone, even Zooble, about this, because she is terrified of admitting that she wishes Jax had stayed abstracted, that she was happier before Lilly showed up, that she'd made her peace with things and now resents having to relarn how to interact with this rebranded version of her tormenter. At the same time, she feels like an awful person for having these feelings because Jax/Lilly is now getting along so much better with everyone, and it seems like the only real problem is her own messy emotions. She keeps repressing, hoping those dark feelings will just go away.

But of course those feelings just keep building until they bubble over. Lilly makes some offhand sassy remark that rubs Gangle the wrong way, and Gangle confronts her, in front of everyone, and demands a real apology for the way she acted in the past. And Lilly reacts badly to this, snapping at Gangle and using her insecurities against her in the way she always did before, but in more of a mean-girl style, passive-aggressively calling her "honey," telling her that she's just jealous, etc.

Pomni tells Lilly to cool it but also gives Gangle a pointed look, like, "why are you starting things now?" Gangle panics and starts stammering apologies, but Zooble steps in to defend her, saying that, yeah, Lilly should apologize. Everyone starts arguing, and the situation devolves from there.

Not sure how it would ultimately pan out, but there are just so many unresolved issues there and so much potential for interpersonal drama.

[rovingotter]

I've always liked this guy's Enneagram videos and found them useful for writing character archs. When I first watched this one I hadn't actually seen HOTD yet and so didn't have any context for his discussion of Aegon, and having seen HOTD now...hmm. Aegon II as a Type 2 (the lovey dovey type who is all about relationships and connections) is very counterintuitive. Like, Aegon does a lot of horrible things and is not very empathic in the usual sense of the word. But I do kinda see what Hartwell is saying.

(I think this commentary holds up a bit better if you're focusing mainly on season 2 Aegon rather than season 1 Aegon, since I do feel like they were written differently, with him being a bit more nuanced and tragic in s2 onward. And the fact that they're played by different actors heightens this impression.)

Initially I would've pegged Aegon as an 8 (the challenger) or a 7 (the thrill-seeker) since he's very prideful and impulsive and these traits seem to drive most of his actions. But much of this could be a kind of mask or armor he's cultivated due to the role of king that's thrust onto him. "More than anything, he wants to be wanted" is, I think, an accurate description of his character. The desire for power is not the thing that drives him. When he was first called on to be king, he didn't want it, to the point of running away and hiding; his prior life was mainly one of feckless distractions which were attempts to fill an inner void. There's that moment in the carriage where he asks Alicent if she loves him.

And the video essay does acknowledge that Type 2s are not necessarily all sunshine and rainbows. The drive for human connection and being wanted can take on some very dark forms.

Food for thought, regardless.

[rovingotter]

I've heard mixed perspectives on HOTD's latest episode and the scene where Rhaenyra takes the Iron Throne, and I still can't decide how I feel about it.

There are a lot of people frustrated with how little agency she had in this episode. She's the main protagonist, and she's finally achieved her goal, albeit at a terrible cost, and yet it feels like she's already emotionally checked out and has been since Jace's death. Dameon practically has to carry her into the Red Keep and plunk her into the throne. And apparently in the book, it's not like this at all; rather, Jace's death hardens her and causes her to become more ruthless because she has nothing less to lose.

The show-writers made a choice to deviate from this and instead have the death of her son emotionally break her to the point where (it would seem) she no longer wants the throne. She's lost all her oomph. The fact that she hesitates before cutting off Otto's head and screws up the first cut pretty clearly conveys that. It's embarrassing to watch. Like she knew she was gonna have to cut off someone's head. This isn't a surprise. She just can't deliver.

Given that so much of this show is about the horrors of war and how it breaks people, maybe this is more fitting than giving her a big girlboss moment. But then, so much of the show has been people doubting her because she's a woman, saying that she's too soft to rule, so it's kind of uncomfortable that the narrative now seems to be indicating that this is the case. Like, just based on what we saw in this episode I'm expecting Daemon is going to be doing most of the actual ruling and she's going to be a puppet monarch.

I guess whether or not this works ultimately depends on what they do with it, going forward. Maybe Rhaenyra will have an arch where she tries to renounce the responsibilities of the throne or questions whether she really wants it, but then Aegon will make a comeback and challenge her and she'll have to rise to meet that challenge. Giving the character a dark night of the soul before their ultimate triumph is something that makes sense, narratively. We'll see.

[miss-mollys-ballet-blog]

Caraxes, the Blood Wyrm.

[rovingotter]

Watching HOTD season 3. Quality is...variable. There are aspects of it I'm enjoying though.

Larys/Aegon seems to be a very niche pairing, but I've kinda latched onto them. They are both despicable people but there's just enough depth there for me to sink my teeth into. Wrote a thing.

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