Why be the sheep when you can be the wolf

Rowan Hadley deWinter 40 owner of the surgery Kings Park

[rowanmillison]

kenzietxylor‌:

               “OH, yeah, I understand that all too well,” Mackenzie replied, nodding. Her life seemed to have gotten in the way of every single plan that she’d actually made, something that she still wasn’t sure if she was ever going to get back on track. “Everything else just kinda falls by the wayside, huh?” She added, biting back a gentle laugh. She nodded as he spoke about his kid, completely agreeing with the sentiment about having a day off, “We’ve got four under ten. I love my kids but.. I’d do anything for a day off every now and again.”

“If it was something more serious I’d be concerned. But very few people here have an issue with it, so may has well just let him be friendly” and he didn’t have the patience to deal with such a non-issue. Not when the rest of his life was falling apart. How could he ever focus on anything else? “Four? Goodness, how you cope without caffiene I wouldn’t know”.

[rowanmillison]

ophcliamillison‌:

                OPHELIA, out of nothing more than sheer excitement, was unable to stand still. She was almost bouncing on the spot, rocking back and forward on her heels with the letter held tightly in her grasp. “I mean, it’s tragic for everyone else who sent in samples, but–” She let the sentence trail off, a small but proud smirk tugging at the corners of her lips, “I have six months to get ready for it – it’s gonna be a ton of preparation but.. I’m excited. Short of like, auditioning for Project Runway, this might just be my big break.”

“Yes, but we don’t care about that side of it. They’ll be fine” he hoped anyway, but really they’d never know and Ophelia was the one he was concerned about. Not as much as she could ever know, that was the deal afterall, one he wished he had never made. Nothing he could do now, just keep the lie going, and hope that no one else suffered. “Six months seems fair. Isn’t the mass preparation part of the point though? And knowing you, you’ll enjoy it”.

[rowanmillison]

forrestholloway‌:

“You’d mind coming into class and telling that to my kids?” He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen one of them cough into their elbow. They were worse than the elementary school children he’d used to teach. “Tomorrow’s good. At least I could say I tried, right?” Forrest chuckled, shaking his head. “I appreciate it, Rowan.”

“I do. I became a doctor not a teacher so I didn’t spend any time with teenagers. Sure you can get a nice big sign though” but the thought of going in himself? Oh he was very happy not to do that. “Little too late, but I’ll book it in” he replied, glancing down at the timetable for the following day. “Appreciate what? You know I’m still charging you, yes?”

[rowanmillison]

dianncvanderbilt‌:

         Clenching her fists on her sides Dianna turned around, drying the tears that had rolled down her cheeks with the back of her hands. She couldn’t feel the new ones coming, but they did. “Stop, Rowan—” she raised her voice for the first time in eight years. Dianna knew how much he hated scenes, and she did too, if anything they were cut from the same mold when it came to family, but she couldn’t just accept this amount of guilt he was willingly pouring on her as if it was nothing. He wanted to hurt her, of that much she was aware now, but he needed to be careful, it could cross the line of irreparable and Dianna was a proud woman, proud enough to never want to look into his face again. “What the hell do you want, hm? Do you want me to say how fucking sorry I am for leaving? I did and I am— I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, but what I don’t have to do is accept you telling me that you cheated on me like it was nothing, out of spite to hurt me, like me being away excused your actions because they don’t. By all means, we’re still married and it’s not like for the past three months you attempted any contact either, you know? Fuck—” 

          She put a hand over her stomach, feeling a small pang. The doctor back in Chicago had told her to avoid stress at all costs and here she was meeting stress head-on, and for what? If her husband had made up his mind already there was no turning back, there was no amount of words she could say that could mend what she had done, or what he did. Could she ever even trust him again after that? Could he trust her again after she had left? Their actions on the following days would define their lives, and usually, they were able to leave pride aside when it came to them, but could they now? “I can’t be around you right now— so I’m going, but I’ll come back for Issy, you can’t keep me away from her forever Rowan, she’s my daughter, too.”

Of course... well he was sure his neighbours would love rubbing this in his face later. He could almost hear the lecture coming from his parents. “If I was excusing it, I could have just not bothered to mention it. But I’m man enough to own up to my mistakes. All I’m hearing from you is excuses about why you left, because I have yet to hear anything that justifies you abandoning our daughter” because in his mind, her needs came first and she had needed her mother. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t now, but how was he meant to trust she wouldn’t just leave again if it got hard? How could he put Isabella through that again? “No contact... should listen to your voicemails some time, I lost hope when Christmas came and you didn’t show up, before then I rang every day, begging you yo come home. What else was I meant to do, I didn’t know where you were, and I wasn’t going to leave her whilst I went on a wild goose chase” he couldn’t do that to her, she had needed someone to be there, and that was all he could do. 

Every instinct in him wanted to run to her side, he knew too well the dangers of a pregnancy as it was, and given that had been what had killed Antoinette, seeing her suffer was killing him. But right now he imagined that would be the worst thing he could do, instead having to watch from a distance. “Let me guess, so you can run off to Devon, tell him how awful of a monster I am and both agree I am the villain in all of this? Thing is darling, there is no heroes or villains in this story” and he’d be left alone... again. Everyone he trusted ended up causing pain in the end, it was better to be alone. “Actually I can. Don’t like it then call a lawyer. But I am not letting her get hurt because you suddenly decided to come back after three months. I don’t trust you won’t leave again, and I refuse to put her in that position again”.

[rowanmillison]

magdalenasanticgo‌:

          “Nah, it’s not a threat, look at me, I wouldn’t be able to hurt a fly… you on the other hand,” Magdalena smirked, waving her hand in front of him, obviously referring to his physique… that alone was something else. Turning on the charms for the costumers was allowed, encouraged even, but Maggie had never taken further than a playful thing she did at work, and right now she was bored above everything else. “The few others are taken care of right now, I have time to try and crack the mystery that is you,” she brought her water bottle to her lips and took a few sips, as he spoke. “Businessman or doctor?”

“Now that’s judging on appearance. Who said I’d hurt anything” well flies maybe, and anyone who hurt his kids, but other then that? He wasn’t sure he had it in him. His job was meant to help people, not to harm them. “Mmm, hope they agree, wouldn’t want to get you in trouble” not over something as silly as a conversation, that would be cruel. “You’re not cracking the mystery if I answer. So... what do you think?” 

[rowanmillison]

carolineclcrk‌:

          “Most people do until I point out that the names are similar but not the same,” it was hard enough to write the damn cat’s names when she took him to the vet, she didn’t want to make it worse by making people think she was a full-on nerd— not that she wasn’t anyway. “There is a great big difference though, the people who aren’t talkin’ because they are listenin’, and the people who aren’t talkin’ because they don’t want to engage in conversation, I never really knew how to deal with the latter, to be honest,” Caroline had always been an avid talker, sometimes she did so out of her elbows, so much so people ended up complaining about her chattering away, it was definitely one of the reasons why she was gladly filling up the teacher position. It really did suit her well. “They’re not that bad, little kids are harder to deal with from a teachin’ point, at least is what I think, and since I teach advanced physics, most of my students are very concentrated and overachievers,” like her. “True, the owner would definitely make it easier, too.”

“Aren’t they? Sound the same to me” or he wasn’t paying enough attention. Names were never his strong point, he could forget them five minutes after someone had told it to him, and he never knew how to handle that. It just seemed rude at this point. “The people who don’t wish to engage are normally fairly blunt about that. Seems the easiest thing to do in that situation is to just leave them be” that was what he always tried to do anyway, he wasn’t sure he managed it but sometimes it was impossible to just walk away from a conversation. Especially if it was work related, then he had to drag it out of them, one way or another. “Suppose if they are actually interested then that does make a difference. I just remember my days in high school and how awful we all were to the teachers... parents... each other” and some grudges never died it seemed, even he didn’t hold onto anything for ever. “You think I’d help him?”

[rowanmillison]

melodydelarosa‌:

Melody stopped in her tracks, her back still facing Rowan as he spoke. She wasn’t sure what possessed her to say something again, but she turned to face him, the frustration clear on her face. “You know what? No. I don’t accept that. If you want to hold onto this grudge for the rest of your life, then that’s your prerogative, but I’m not going to give you the power to tear me down over a decision I made when I was 17 years old. We’ve clearly both lived good lives since then, so you acting like I ruined your life by breaking up with you is really childish. The last few years I’ve been living in my own personal hell, so the last thing I need right now is for you to throw all of your pent up anger at me and then refuse to let me do anything to fix it. I know a lost cause when I see one, so just know I’m not going to lose any sleep over you deciding to be an obstinate asshole over a teenage heartbreak.” And with her final piece said, Melody stalked off down the road, gripping tightly to her purse to prevent her hands from shaking. Whether that was from sadness or anger, she really couldn’t tell anymore.

Well, he probably deserved that. He wasn’t sure anymore. Clearly he had got something wrong along the way. She had chosen her exes feelings over any possibility of a future together, his own wife had left... why he still didn’t know. He was the only common link between the two, but what he had got so wrong, he just didn’t know. Was it so wrong that he simply wanted closure over everything? This had haunted him for twenty odd years, wondering what he had done, and if he had hurt her in some way. And now just to learn it was because he had been a second choice. What was he meant to think anymore? It was all too much, and he wasn’t coping. But he didn’t get that option, he had to cope because if he didn’t... not something he’d think. And he could call after her, could make her understand she was hardly the only one suffering. But what was the point. He’d been a second choice once before, his own hell could stay simmering under, wasn’t like anyone was listening to his cries for help.

[rowanmillison]

jessgrcyson‌:

          Jessica smiled. There were few things she trusted when it came to herself and her abilities were certainly one of them. Nursing had been her passion and it was a complete contrast to her selfish personality. Nevertheless, her ability to think pragmatically and to be, for the most part, detached from the patients was what kept her on the top of her game. While attending school, she had been among the top students— while in the army, her steady hands made her a valuable asset to surgeons and she was glad that at least one thing made her feel like herself and the cases presented, like the one today, were few and far between. Ever since she had arrived back in Edens, she had hardly seen the inside of an OR. “I’m fine– I’m ready as ever,” she nodded, “a surgeon would do just a fine job as you… we can call the hospital and ask for someone to be on stand-by in case you need them, but I hardly think so. If everything goes well, she can be out of here sooner than we think.”

He raised an eyebrow, not really sure he believed her, but also not having the time to argue it. If she said she was fine, then she damn well better be. It was the real world, and no one could look after anyone else. Perhaps it was a cold view to have, but he had been thrown into life without the training wheels, and he tended to view all of life that way. Odd really, he didn’t think that way when he was looking at his own children. Perhaps he was getting soft with age, he just didn’t know at this point. He just felt so damn exhausted with life now, and he was only forty, still have another half to go, and he had no idea how he coped with that... hmm, maybe he did need to start talking to someone. “If everything goes well, she’ll be on bed rest in the ICU for a month. This isn’t easy surgery, and she’s going to need watching afterwards”.

[rowanmillison]

dianncvanderbilt‌:

         The moment the words left his lips time simply stopped and all the words that came afterward fell on deaf ears. Dianna didn’t want to believe what he had said. Did he do it just to hurt her? Because surely he didn’t seem to be sorry for what had happened, he didn’t seem to think of the repercussions to have said those words to her. She stood there, in front of him, not saying anything and looking in his eyes for something that told her he had lied, he hadn’t cheated on her and he wasn’t giving her a poor excuse that he thought she wanted to divorce him as if it immediately erased what he had done. Taking a step back and wrapping her arms around herself, she couldn’t keep away from the sadness that wrapped around her and made her feel like she couldn’t breathe. That sadness was a known companion, ever since Annabella had died, it had been there for her, just waiting for the right moments to strike and that was one of them. Unwantedly one tear escaped from the corner of her eye, and then another, and another before she could wipe her cheek with her fingertips, finding herself all too stupid to even have thought they could have a conversation. No, that man in front of her, he just wanted to hurt her. Not at all like the man she had lived and loved for the past eight years of her life.

          “Very well,” she said, her voice shaky and lips quivering, never feeling so lonely and alone in her life as she had done now. She wouldn’t give up on seeing her daughter, but she couldn’t look at Rowan for another moment and ridicule herself further. She sniffed and felt weak, another tear rolled down her cheek and she felt vulnerable, not at all traits of a Vanderbilt. “If a divorce is what you wish for then have your lawyer contact mine,” Dianna said, trying her best to return her voice to the business-mode, but she was feeling destroyed inside and didn’t know how to deal with it. On the outside she was showing, she didn’t cry for anything, but that surely did seem like something was ending to her. All that love and for what? “In the interest of not lying to each other, I didn’t cheat on you— three months I spent in Chicago and every day I thought of you and Issy and I cursed myself for not being strong enough for the both of you, I admired you…” she shook her head, looking away from his eyes for a moment, holding the sob that wanted to break through her. “I wasn’t stupid and thought you’d welcome me with open arms, but I guess I was stupid about everything else. I— I should go,” Dianna’s voice was low and defeated as she stuck her hands inside her pockets and walked away from the house she once lived in.

Ok, perhaps that had been too cruel. He could have easily said he had kissed someone else. Technically he had told the truth, but then he knew she’d have jumped to a different conclusion. And now he’d be made out to be the villain to whoever she told. It was all just bullshit. He was angry and upset, and he knew he’d receive all the blame. As if his daughter hadn’t died, as if he hadn’t held her in his arms knowing it was too late, and if the one person he had needed hadn’t left in the night making him think over every moment of the last few months, trying to catch all the signs and simply breaking his heart further. It felt like he was drowning under it all, but he was a Millison, and he would never be allowed to show it. Instead letting it boil underneath until he had got drunk at that party, and had kissed someone else. So easy to have kept it hidden, but in that moment... he had wanted to hurt her, the way she had hurt him. 

But seeing her cry, made every cell in his body want to pull her into his arms. Tell her the truth and that they’d get through this. But pride stood in the way. She had done this... she had left. “I think the one thing that has been established is that what I want doesn’t matter” because what he wanted was for her not to have left in the first place... fuck, what he wanted was his daughter to still be alive. To not feel like he was half dead. This was meant to be the happiest time of their lives, instead they could barely look at each other. “is that meant to make anyone feel better? You thought of us? What good did that do her when she was crying herself to sleep?” and he’d been there, wishing he could take his daughter’s pain away, knowing he never could. He knew he could easily call out, but then the neighbours would overhear and he didn’t want to cause a scene. He just wanted it all to stop, for one moment, especially the pain. 

[rowanmillison]

kenzietxylor‌:

                “HAVE you tried any kind of dog behaviour specialists?” Kenzie asked, tilting her head slightly, “Outside of the usual like, puppy training classes. I’m not an expert or anythin’, just got some tips on a stubborn husky,” She finished, shoulders shrugging softly. A light laugh echoed from her lips at the mention of a nanny, “I guess it would, but I think sometimes how busy it gets is a good thing. Not sayin’ that it’s not stressful, but at least there’s never a borin’ day, you know?” Not to mention the fact that they definitely couldn’t afford a nanny, at least not now. “How old are your kids?”

“Thought about it. Life has an annoying habit of getting in the way. Besides, I wouldn’t call being friendly too much of an issue to need that really” not when he had far bigger issues, a runaway bride for one, and a distraught daughter for another. His own mental health had taken a back burner for now, only Isabella mattered. “Sometimes, but sometimes a day off would be nice” or a year off, that sounded even nicer. “Eleven” eleven and twenty-one, but there was a secret he didn’t share. 

[rowanmillison]

jessgrcyson‌:

          Jessica pinched the bridge of her nose. This was uncommon in that hospital, sickness was something they saw every day, but almost 80% of the cases didn’t require emergency surgeries or even got to such a bad state like that. It was pitiful. The woman was young and seemingly in the prime of her life before a car accident almost claimed her— the trauma was what made Jessica have her case in the first place. Years in the military teaching her how to deal in such situations, but her psychological state of mind was hardly the same that was when she was in the army. “Okay, I agree with you— waitin’ is probably too risky for her and if you go in, you might catch something before it gets worst,” she nodded her head. “I’ll see who we have to push in your schedule for the day so we can get her in surgery and get the team ready. It’s gonna be fine, she’s gonna be fine,” she gave him a gentle grin as she fully trusted his capabilities and would be by his side auxiliating the surgery as she had done since she came back.

“Or make her worse... but I can’t see this just going away” and he didn’t want to risk it. Sometimes the risk of the unknown was better then accepting the definite. This was one of the few times that he believed that. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll call the clinic, they can find someone to cover me” it wasn’t like he had many patients today he’d need to get back for. Although there was a meeting, but he had got to the top of his game by being good, he wasn’t worried about a meeting when he was doing his job. “A surgeon would be a lot better. I’m good, but she needs the best” it was risky enough as it was, he just wanted to make sure she had the best options, he wasn’t sure that was him. “She is... are you?”

[rowanmillison]

ophcliamillison‌:

WITH: @rowanmillison​

LOCATION: rowan’s home.

          “ROWAN,” Ophelia was practically yelling as she bounded into her older brother’s house, a bundle of solid excitement as she made her way into the kitchen, smiling brightly as she waved a sheet of paper in his face, “Guess what?!” She began, slamming the piece of paper down on the kitchen counter in front of them, “Guess who’s been asked to prepare a fashion collection for a show in Charlotte in a few months?” She was almost bouncing on the spot, grin spreading from ear to ear, “It’s me!”

It had taken him a long time to realise that maybe his parents hadn’t really had her best interests at heart when they had made the deal. It had been a wonderful way to blackmail him the rest of his life, and keep her under their control. Too late now, if he told her the truth... he’d been lying for twenty years, how did he explain that? “Was going to say, if it’s not you then this story is tragic” he teased. “Still, that’s incredible” and how could he not be proud of that... which would seem odd, fuck did he hate this. 

[rowanmillison]

domvandcrbilt‌:

Dominic was driving home when it occurred to him to stop by Rowan’s house. Since he was already close by, it felt right to drop in and check how they were doing. He made a quick stop at a shop to get Isabella  a little present. He didn’t wanna show up empty-handed. After his sister left town, he found himself in an awkward position. Right or wrong, he stood by his sister’s side but he also felt for Rowan. He knew the two were having a hard time because of the loss, keeping distance was easier than having to face them. Isabella was like a niece to him too so from time to time, he liked to see her. As someone who loss a sibling while young as well, he felt like he understood her a little bit. “Hey,” he greeted with a smile. “I know, I actually came to see you and Isabella.” the man said as he walked in. “Where’s the little one anyways?”

The easiest thing to do was not mention Di. Siblings were siblings, he knew that, but he didn’t want to burn all bridges. He’d be alright, but that wouldn’t be fair on Isabella. She was too young to keep losing people. If she lost them now out of spite, that would be unfair. But at the same time... how could he let Di back in now? She had walked out once, and he had no guarantee that she wouldn’t do the same again. He had to protect his daughter, before all else, he had to at least try and do that. He had failed once already, Isabella he’d protect. “Living room. She’s still pretty sick though, flu hit hard. And that’s on top of her... silence” it didn’t surprise him, ever since her sister died, she’d barely uttered a word.

[rowanmillison]

melodydelarosa‌:

In love with her? Melody took in a deep breath as she processed that information. If she had known Rowan’s feelings had run that deep, maybe she would have made an entirely different choice, but she was so blinded by her feelings for Devon and not wanting to hurt him that she’d thrown away something that could have been wonderful for something that had passed. She looked away from him as the cold stung at the warm tears that were now pooling in her eyes, clearing the lump from her throat so she could speak. “I’m sorry,” she repeated again, though her voice cracked on the way out to give away her disposition. Gripping tightly to the strap of her purse, she walked past him, knowing there was no point in continuing to convince him of how she felt. He’d developed his own narrative of the situation to help him cope with it and who was she to take that away from him? “It was good to see you, even if you don’t return the sentiment.”

Perhaps he had pushed it, but he was so tired. Everything was going to shit, and he didn’t know what to do at this stage. What did it matter what she thought of him, she had made her feelings clear a long time ago. It wasn’t like he could say it to Di, he didn’t even know where she was or if he’d see her again. Perhaps he should have just never remarried again, remained a widow for the rest of his life. But he’d fallen in love, it had all felt so natural. Love seemed to be lifes biggest lie. “Too late, much too late” how could he accept it now. He had wanted it back then, thought he could move on if he heard it. He wasn’t so naive anymore. “I don’t, you know that. You made the decision all those years ago, I’m just being true to it”.

[rowanmillison]

carolineclcrk‌:

          “Yeah… like Charlie Brown’s character,” she smiled, “it was either this or Schrodinger, like the theorem,” okay maybe she needed to cool down because she was allowing the nerd to speak way louder than it needed to. It had always made her laugh when Ella said she didn’t know whether Caroline was a full-grown woman or a twelve-year-old boy with her Star Wars posters hanging around the room. “I’ve witnessed people who stay in silence for so long that turns them awkward? It’s not the greatest feeling in the world to feel like you’re talkin’ to a damn wall,” she shrugged lightly, she had always managed to contribute to the conversation somehow, the silence made her feel bothered and ever since she was a little girl, Caroline managed to constantly steal the show. “Well, giving extensive lectures to teenagers about physics is my personal form of torture,” she joked. “See? Wouldn’t doubt if his next step was world domination.”

“I was thinking the theorem to be honest. Only place I’ve heard it, and a good name for a cat” far cleverer than Loki for the dog, but he was a rescue and that had been his name to begin with, he saw no reason to change it and confuse the poor dog further. “No, but at the same time, listening helps. Sometimes people need someone to just sit there and listen. Never easy, especially if what they’re saying is painful” and perhaps that had been his problem, perhaps he hadn’t listened to his wife enough, maybe if he had done that then he could have saved their relationship... or even realised that their relationship had needed saving. “I’ll be honest, anything involving teenagers sounds like my personal form of torture” luckily it was rare he had to see them, still a little often, but hardly the point. “Easily, and it would work because cute dog”.

[rowanmillison]

forrestholloway‌:

“I like to live my life on the edge, clearly.” Forrest joked, tapping his fingers against the countertop, as if to ask what can you do? He was only getting it as a precaution, not enjoying the thought of being sick too much. Not only did he have a daughter dependent on him, but students too, and unplanned time off from work always threw him for a loop. “For me. I think it’s a little too late for Elena.” He grimaced, having dropped the ball on that one.

“Flu is the biggest killer. Although you are young and healthy. Washing hands and coughing into an elbow should be enough” still he did understand why he’d be worried about it, hell he’d had the jab, but he did work around sick people all of the time. “Can book you in tomorrow. Though if she has the flu, might be too late for it. Takes a couple of weeks to... activate so to speak”.

[rowanmillison]

magdalenasanticgo‌:

          Magdalena bashfully sized him up. Licking her lips slightly as she took him in, letting her eyes return to his with a small smile playing on her lips. “Well, I guess I am just gonna have to keep you seated there for a very long time, won’t I?” And that was something she was good at. With some costumers, a little cleavage was all that was needed, with others she needed to add in a little flirtation, charming smile always making itself present no matter what. Nevertheless, there were those kinds of costumers that simply needed someone to talk to— and that’s where she succeeded the most. She had yet to know what kind of costumer the handsome man was, but it hardly seemed that the neat scotch would be his last drink. “It is a good thing that I can pay you undivided attention until someone else gets in, but you’ll have to clue me in,” she chuckled.  “It’s always nice to start by telling me what you do for a living, that says a lot about someone, too.”

“Oh? Now that seems like a threat. Although, I am not in the mood to go anywhere so not sure what is being threatened” he wasn’t exactly oblivious to what she was doing. Was it such a crime to partake in harmless flirting? He’d stop it before it went much further, and hey... his wife had left him. How else was he meant to react right now? “Mmm, although I am hardly the only customer in here, I’m sure that there’s others who’d also love your attention” that he was certain of, pretty girl after all. “Alright, I’ll play. I own the clinic”.