The moment the words left his lips time simply stopped and all the words that came afterward fell on deaf ears. Dianna didn’t want to believe what he had said. Did he do it just to hurt her? Because surely he didn’t seem to be sorry for what had happened, he didn’t seem to think of the repercussions to have said those words to her. She stood there, in front of him, not saying anything and looking in his eyes for something that told her he had lied, he hadn’t cheated on her and he wasn’t giving her a poor excuse that he thought she wanted to divorce him as if it immediately erased what he had done. Taking a step back and wrapping her arms around herself, she couldn’t keep away from the sadness that wrapped around her and made her feel like she couldn’t breathe. That sadness was a known companion, ever since Annabella had died, it had been there for her, just waiting for the right moments to strike and that was one of them. Unwantedly one tear escaped from the corner of her eye, and then another, and another before she could wipe her cheek with her fingertips, finding herself all too stupid to even have thought they could have a conversation. No, that man in front of her, he just wanted to hurt her. Not at all like the man she had lived and loved for the past eight years of her life.
“Very well,” she said, her voice shaky and lips quivering, never feeling so lonely and alone in her life as she had done now. She wouldn’t give up on seeing her daughter, but she couldn’t look at Rowan for another moment and ridicule herself further. She sniffed and felt weak, another tear rolled down her cheek and she felt vulnerable, not at all traits of a Vanderbilt. “If a divorce is what you wish for then have your lawyer contact mine,” Dianna said, trying her best to return her voice to the business-mode, but she was feeling destroyed inside and didn’t know how to deal with it. On the outside she was showing, she didn’t cry for anything, but that surely did seem like something was ending to her. All that love and for what? “In the interest of not lying to each other, I didn’t cheat on you— three months I spent in Chicago and every day I thought of you and Issy and I cursed myself for not being strong enough for the both of you, I admired you…” she shook her head, looking away from his eyes for a moment, holding the sob that wanted to break through her. “I wasn’t stupid and thought you’d welcome me with open arms, but I guess I was stupid about everything else. I— I should go,” Dianna’s voice was low and defeated as she stuck her hands inside her pockets and walked away from the house she once lived in.
Ok, perhaps that had been too cruel. He could have easily said he had kissed someone else. Technically he had told the truth, but then he knew she’d have jumped to a different conclusion. And now he’d be made out to be the villain to whoever she told. It was all just bullshit. He was angry and upset, and he knew he’d receive all the blame. As if his daughter hadn’t died, as if he hadn’t held her in his arms knowing it was too late, and if the one person he had needed hadn’t left in the night making him think over every moment of the last few months, trying to catch all the signs and simply breaking his heart further. It felt like he was drowning under it all, but he was a Millison, and he would never be allowed to show it. Instead letting it boil underneath until he had got drunk at that party, and had kissed someone else. So easy to have kept it hidden, but in that moment... he had wanted to hurt her, the way she had hurt him.
But seeing her cry, made every cell in his body want to pull her into his arms. Tell her the truth and that they’d get through this. But pride stood in the way. She had done this... she had left. “I think the one thing that has been established is that what I want doesn’t matter” because what he wanted was for her not to have left in the first place... fuck, what he wanted was his daughter to still be alive. To not feel like he was half dead. This was meant to be the happiest time of their lives, instead they could barely look at each other. “is that meant to make anyone feel better? You thought of us? What good did that do her when she was crying herself to sleep?” and he’d been there, wishing he could take his daughter’s pain away, knowing he never could. He knew he could easily call out, but then the neighbours would overhear and he didn’t want to cause a scene. He just wanted it all to stop, for one moment, especially the pain.