Designer Drugs

Hmm? I'm sorry, you were saying something...

Shit. Well…do you like him? Do you…see him as more of a friend?

I... I think I do. But we're no good for each other. I'll just end up taking him down with me. He's too good. Too nice for me. I'm not worth all of the nice things he says about me.

Hmm? I'm sorry, you were saying something...

What? Rowan, no. That’s the complete opposite of what you do. What happened?

I ... well Isaac kissed me and I kissed him back and now everything is a mess.

Hmm? I'm sorry, you were saying something...

That doesn’t sound so convincing. Care to tell me what’s going on?

Nothing important. Just fucking up friendships is all. I'm a terrible person Mara.

I do in the morning, i’m thinking about just moving into the Grill.

You're there often enough. It's like a second home or something. Maybe you should set up a cot in the back.

I’m just staying in with my dad, no parties for me.

That sounds nice. You don't have to work?

Or the people who just hate holiday cheer in general— add heat to that and you get a perfect monster.

Exactly. I'm sure you'll end up seeing your fair share of brawls tomorrow. I'm debating whether it's worth going out or not. I'm not sure yet.

Touche, I just thought the 4th was excluded.

If anything that's when people get really weird because you've got people who don't really know the holiday and then people who use the holiday to get totally shit faced.

What the hell is with everyone today?

Eh, people get weird around Holidays no matter where you are.

Hmm? I'm sorry, you were saying something...

…Oh, I’m so sorry, Ro. Just been thinking. [takes the coffee, taking in a sip] How are you, how have you been?

Yeah, I know how that is. [she takes a sip of her own coffee, sighing] Uh, yeah. I've been... I've been doing okay I guess. Nothing good. You?

Hmm? I'm sorry, you were saying something...

#idek but I miss our bbys #sof Mara

I asked you where you've been... for the third time in about 3 minutes. Your coffee is getting cold.

You’re my Beacon, my Anchor. You won’t be. I’m going to be the one that sets myself off. I’ve done it multiple times and trust me, Rowan. You won’t be the one to break me. I can save myself. I just want to save you because you’re the only person to me that is worth saving. We can be hurricanes together. Be the lightning to my thunder. Have you heard the term, “Two storms can calm each other?” It means that the two most violent and broken things are often meant for each other. The craziness of them being together; it stops the other one because they can’t co-exist if they’re crashing into each other. They both fix the other one. That’s how jigsaw puzzles work. Broken pieces fitting together. And just because we’re both so fucking broken doesn’t mean we can’t be together. I want to be the one that saves you because it’s not fair that you should be alone. You’re perfect and I care about you more then I can say with my own words. I’d need to ask John Green to write out how perfect you are but he wouldn’t even to be able to describe the twinkle that you get in your eye when your happy, let alone every other beautiful emotion that you have. You’re a raging storm, but I don’t care. I’m just as dangerous and we can just be dangerous together.

An anchor. I've heard that before but I still don't understand it. How do you know that? I've already set Jackson off and now I don't even know where he is. He won't even be in the same room as me and I can't let that happen with you. I just can't. You don't know that Isaac. People have been trying to save me since I was 12 and could finally speak my mind. Those people are dead now and I'm even more broken then I've ever been. I'm not worth saving. Every time someone wants to save me they get hurt or worse. They die. I've never heard that before. That is all true but what if... what if it doesn't work? I don't think I actually can be saved. Isaac I may be many things but perfect is no where even near that list. I don't know how you see what you see in me. The person you describe sounds nothing like me at all. I don't want to be your downfall. It would kill me to see that. Are you sure we can do this?

#sof isaac #ow ow ow

Wait - is that a you don’t like me like that because I’m okay with that.

But you’re wrong if you wrong. If anything, I’m too messed up for you. You’re like a Beacon of light, Ro and trust me when I say that I can’t help but like you. You’re the only person who seems to actually care about me. And I don’t even mind if you want to just be friends with me because as long as I get to spend time with you. I’m completely broken, crushed and shattered. And Rowan, I want to be with you. I want to be your friend. I want to be more then friends but I don’t want to hurt you either. I’m a ticking timebomb waiting to destroy everything in my pathway but I don’t care anymore. I’ll tell you when I’m about to detonate so I can get you to safety.

No! No, that's not what I meant at all. That was an I like you too much to break you even more.

Me. A beacon of light. That's just crazy Isaac. I've never been a light to a-anyone. I just drag down the people that try to get close to me. I cause nothing but chaos. That's not true. There are plenty of people here that care about you. People who are better for you. I don't want to just be friends with you Isaac but I don't want to be the reason you explode, because I know I will be. I've already set off one person. Who's to say I won't do it to you? I will end up being the spark that lights your fuse and I don't want to do that to you. I don't want to do that to anyone. No one should love me because I am a hurricane. I'm vicious and when I go, I take everyone I love with me and I refuse to do that to you.

#sof isaac

If you work they still can be.

Shit. Exactly how long do you work at the grill for?

Not even one. It’s like you experience freedom— get to know what it’s like to do nothing and then get smacked back to reality and early mornings.

At least the mornings don't have to be so early now that it's Summer time. I live for the weekends and getting away from my house.

If someone tells me they do i’m going to think they have serious issues.

Exactly. There is no possible reason to like a Monday. I don't think even a TV show would be worth it.

Okay… [carefully begins to follow Rowan, worried about what might happen]

The living room will work. No ones here except the maids, who I just sent away. I haven't heard from Jackson so he's probably still out... [she trailed off, unsure of how to start] Look Isaac. I like you. I really do. But... I'm not good for you.

#sof isaac

Are you sure? Because I totally understand if you want me to leave.