horatio & ani / @antiquitylloyd / this dream isn't feeling sweet; we're reeling through the midnight streets; and i’ve never felt more alone; it feels so scary, getting old
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@rowstock
horatio & ani / @antiquitylloyd / this dream isn't feeling sweet; we're reeling through the midnight streets; and i’ve never felt more alone; it feels so scary, getting old
gisellebaines:
Of course she’d beat Horatio to his own home — what else was she supposed to have expected? She rolled her eyes at his dramatics, but stepped aside so he could unlock the door. She could sympathize with the next-morning hungover walk back home; that had been her, once. Now, she preferred to remove herself from the party at a certain point and continue drinking back at home. It was quieter that way, easier.
“I want my fucking jacket, it’s the only good one I’ve got left and if you haven’t noticed, it’s freezing as fuck today,” Giselle explained, crossing the threshold after him. “And it’s past 10am, grow up.”
“well, fuck.” horatio groaned, letting himself fall face-first into his bed; oh, the soft, warm companion that he had longed for since he had stepped into the cold, cruel ocean -- “houston, we have a problem.” his voice was muffled, but his body was entirely too exhausted to function beyond this position. for his own sake, however -- since giselle’s anger was not kind, and neither was it silent -- he turned, now sprawled on his back.
“uh -- i believe it’s still at boris’. might have dropped it into the ocean. or set it on fire. who knows!” his own voice hurt his head; he wanted nothing but to sleep, skip class, rinse, repeat. “just -- pick one out of my closet. i don’t care. i’ll get you a new one.” he ran his hand over his eyes, his face. “if it had sentimental value, you are contractually allowed to punch me in the face.” staring at the ceiling, he wished for silence. “just... do it when i’m not hungover, please.”
saffrcns:
For a moment, she’s back in France, slipping into the skin of a flaneur. She remembers the taste of coffee on her tongue, a lit cigarette in one hand, champagne flute in the other. She was a character, a deliberate work of fiction. And yet, it was just as real as every other part of her life. The tragedy of it, she supposes.
“Cradle to grave my dear Horatio.” It sounds like something the Saffron in palace would have said. Because Horatio is far from being her dear - and she doesn’t know him as well as she could. Surface level perhaps - but she imagines there’s something deeper and darker lurking, secrets that have yet to be tapped. Maybe she’ll crack him, one day. Maybe it’ll be tonight.
“There are worse ways to catch his eye.” Theirs isn’t a love story. At least, she doesn’t think it’s a love story - the one between Alistair and Horatio, but who is she to wax about love? So maybe it isn’t love - but infatuation? She isn’t sure. Saffron has spent a year observing their dynamic - and is no closer to cracking the riddle. Horatio, she thinks, wants him. Wants him to notice him. Wants to piss him off. Wants to be under his skin and inside of him. Wants him in every way you can want a person? Maybe. Or maybe it’s just fantasy. But even if it is fiction, it’s still real - somewhere.
Saffron decides the pair will make an excellent subplot in her novel.
Eyebrow arching at the mention of a vote, Saffron flicks her cigarette, watching the embers slowly die. She wants her head to be clear for…this. Whatever plot twist this might be. Pulse ticking upwards, she cocks her head - coaxing out the answers. “Maybe you can present the perfect foil…a way to unravel him…if he’s…stressed? I can’t imagine it’s much to sweat about - nothing compared to the events of last year, surely?”
well, shit, then, the cat’s out of the bag.
horatio takes his time inhaling his cigarette. here are two alternative ways in which this conversation can continue:
horatio owns up to his little mistake of not keeping his mouth shut and tells saffron everything. risks being found out before shit actually goes down. potentially gets impaled by alistair. risks alistair’s entire big plan for the year. pros of the action: watching alistair’s face twist in anger. cons of the action: watching alistair’s face twist in disappointment.
horatio lies and says it is about the future of the society as part of orion, or some other bullshit. makes up some administrative chain of words that sound boring. proceeds to direct saffron’s attention to detail and tendency to solve puzzles towards something else, like the mess that is his love life. pros of the action: he doesn’t get in trouble. cons of the action: none. limitations of the action: saffron’s got one hell of a bullshit detector.
option two, then. sure, saffron can sniff out a mystery from a hundred miles away, but horatio’s good at lying. ( apparently, not good at keeping secrets when tipsy. )
he says, to saffron; “no, no, i doubt his heart can handle anything else like that. he is an old man, you know.” a joke to draw attention. “it’s just some administrative mambo jambo that apparently,” now turn to saffron, so she knows you’re not fleeing from eye contact, “requires all club participation, or the dean of students has the right to --” drag of a cigarette -- look, this is not an important conversation, i’m interrupting it with a common action -- “shut you down. or something. i doubt it would really work on invictus, though.” he drops the cigarette. crushes it under his foot. “i do hate bureaucracy, but alistair sometimes lives for that shit.” and now the conversation is directed towards someone else.
checkmate.
chriisties:
Kit’s relationship with Horatio had been complicated from hour one. It began with insults and sarcasm, and she was sure it would end that way too. Somehow, though, the past year of fighting and fucking and fighting all over again had strangely forged Horatio into one of the people she liked, and relied on most, in Invictus. She thought that she could always predict how he’d react to the things she said or did–maybe because they seemed to be so alike.
Which is why, when he asked her what was wrong, and then proceeded to be the second person of the evening to bring up her dead uncle, she considered reaching out and burning him with the end of her cigarette. Not you too. They weren’t wanted or needed, neither his second of (perhaps?) concern, nor the insensitive comment that followed.
Horatio wasn’t the kind of person to talk feelings with. She didn’t pull him out into the woods for that. He was the kind of person to make her feel terrible then great then terrible again. Nowadays, it was the surest thing in Invictus.
“Do you want to talk about my fucking dead uncle, or do you want to see me naked?” Kit turned, tilting her head, relatively confident she knew the answer to that question. She started the walk down to the beach, taking a long drag of the cigarette as she hopped quickly, knowing that he was following. They were so much the same, after all.
“wait, wait, must those options be mutually exclusive?” horatio raised an eyebrow, falling into step with kit’s pace. the issue was this: horatio was terrible at talking about feelings. what he was good at was making fun of wounds, of pasts that people never really enjoyed bringing up. it was how he coped with his broken heart -- not that he had allowed himself to acknowledge this fact, but it was the truth. he had never been kind to a person in grief; kit would not be the first.
but she knew his words had no meaning in them. whatever came out of his mouth was mostly bullshit, or hurtful. nobody had taught horatio how to be kind, and he wasn’t going to start learning it for the sake of kit pruitt.
“if we freeze to death, this is your fault, because all of my ideas are terrible.” he knew how biting the cold could be -- and how invigorating, as well, under the moonlight, surrounded by a dim glow that called one towards the ocean. when he got drunk, horatio was prone to believe in the weirdest parts of mythology -- perhaps it was mermaids that called to them, perhaps sirens. perhaps the moon had beckoned them for a sacrifice.
he started taking his clothes off the moment their feet found the rough sand that introduced land to sea; he was already missing his jacket and his shoes, and soon his tie was off, followed by his wine-stained shirt -- “if alistair or lillian find out about this, they will murder us, you are aware?” ironic of him to say, especially to kit.
horatio & alistair / @alistairefox / there is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin; in the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene
gisellebaines:
date & time: october 5th, 1991. 10:05am. location: horatio’s place. availability: closed ( @rowstock ).
Thump. Thump. Thump. Giselle knocked thunderously on Horatio’s front door, not really caring if his neighbors, himself, or his likely sleepover guest(s) were yet to wake up. She had an annoying habit of becoming rather chummy with Horatio when they were both drunk, and last night their friendliness had apparently extended to Giselle offering him her coat when he complained of the cold. As she was six feet tall and somewhat broad-shouldered, it had fit him just fine, but the issue now was that she was freezing and needed her favorite coat back.
“Rowstock, I swear to god, open this fucking door,” Giselle called out, frustrated with the fact that she had to be here and interact with him when sober.
the worst part of boris’ parties was that they were on a fucking island. horatio had gone through the same routine many times, before -- get wasted, sleep for three hours, go back to dennison point and drag yourself to your dorm room, feeling like hell itself. being welcomed by a sight of a frustrated, widely awake giselle baines, however, had never been part of the plan.
“fuck’s sake, baines,” horatio whined, hand on his forehead, fingers at his temples. “too early. too early.” any other attempt at conversation at that point would be incomprehensible.he nudged her to the side, trying to unlock his door. once he was successful, he pushed himself inside, motioning giselle to follow with his head.
“what do you want?”
secondstxrs:
oh, he could die and swallow them both whole.
‘would you like to live in between my ribs?’ he wants to ask. ‘would you be happy there, kept by marrow and sinew, my heart as your pulse?’
but it’s too much to think and to say it would startle them both, and so he folds himself closer, cheeks pink with liquor-laced ardor pressed to horatio’s, fingers furl tight around a hand he would press to his heart, to his axis, the thrumming in his neck. rebel fervor hides beneath innocuous, feather-light gestures that better befit his moonlit romanticism than it does his zeal–anything to keep horatio here, filling all the space that touches him, anything to keep horatio close.
in truth, lou doesn’t care about the painting either.
“you utter lothario,” he murmurs, breath catching in his throat. a fever has already taken hold, it travels red and damp along all his sloping curves, and he bares his neck to be ravaged. what terribly prey he is. when he speaks, he’s only half-aware of his words and how breathily they slip out from lips begging to be reddened, already deep in a limpid, living daydream. “i adore it–everyone has been gracious, and kind, and the whole clandestine nature, the ferrying over like charon and the styx, it feels just magical.” he presses his nose to horatio’s jaw, shuts his eyes. “tell me–if i forgot my obol, will i get to stay here forever?”
horatio wants to be here. in the present. crawling his way into his own body, one with llewelyn, with lou, half-trapped and half-beloved. he wants it to be easy, like this, like the way lou’s lips move against his jaw, the way his breath catches at his throat. this is simple. carnal. burning, but pleasant. but horatio’s never liked simple. never wanted easy, not once.
so he is half-here, half following alistair’s shadow around the house, like lou is following his. don’t think about him, horatio screams at himself. the plea echoes within his insides, unanswered. love him, instead.
“i prefer to be called casanova.” he whispers against lou’s skin. pull me in, pull me in, he begs, fingers outlining the shape of lou’s lips. “but you can call me anything you want.” and now, a kiss. closed eyes, fingers grabbing at skin. horatio releases llewelyn once he runs out of air, grinning, half-here, half-there.
“you don’t want to owe anything to the boatman.” he almost laughs. he should tell llewelyn to flee, to run away before invictus corrupts him. horatio was rotten long before invictus had contaminated them; lou is angelic. he belongs to the sun, to apollo’s warm embrace. but there is something selfish in horatio, as well. he can’t let him go, not after -- not after all of this. so he presses his lips against lou’s, again. loses himself in the softness of him. the purity, the naiveté.
“we need more alcohol,” he says, drawing away. “it’s not an invictus party unless you’re drunk on expensive liquor.”
ljllian:
hearing the clumsy approach of someone, lillian began preparing to storm off of the terrace in search of an emptier space. she had snuck away in her usual fashion: silently, with a glare at anyone who witnessed it, carrying her jacket in case she decided to depart altogether. she was standing when company finally arrived. yet, when she sees it is horatio, she returns to her seat. his greeting brings a grimace to her face; it’s little more than an exaggerated mask of displeasure. easily enough, a simper replaces it.
she watches him drink before answering, “not as well as it treats you.”
once he lowers the bottle, her hand shoots out to take it. her grip is strong and she returns her hand just as quickly with the whiskey claimed as her own. “are we going to have a good time, you and i,” she begins, carefully wiping the mouth of the bottle with her handkerchief. “or are you here to bother me?”
while she waits for his answer, she upturns the bottle. whiskey is far from her favorite, but that doesn’t matter as much as the purpose of the performance. she then returns the bottle without a word. before stowing the handkerchief, she primly dabs her lips.
horatio laughs. no night treats him well; he has been running from the shadows ever since he was a little kid. now he runs from the people that inhabit it. which is hypocritical, because he’s pretty sure lillian is the deadliest out of all of them here -- followed close by giselle and alistair. but there is familiarity here. a certain calm that he has to surrender himself to, because he knows he’s going to lose his mind otherwise.
“depends,” he answers, watches as lillian takes her careful drink. a majority of the time, he is a bother to society as a whole. now, frustrated, from conversations with half-friends and half-lovers, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. “how bothersome would it be if i complained about everyone in this damned society?”
he grabs at the bottle, clumsily. brings it to his lips, looks at the sky as he throws it back, as the liquor rushes through his system. at this point, horatio can’t tell the stars apart from distant lights. reflections in the ocean. mirror stage, he thinks. but my reflection is in the constellations and i have not grown, yet.
“i hate this.” he says, but he doesn’t know what it is. “fuck, i hate this.”
alistairefox:
“ no need to be prince charming when you’re already king. ” alistair doesn’t mean for it to sound so harsh, but the words are hanging between them and there is no taking them back. it’s uncharacteristic of him. he never boasts about himself, never, but something about horatio — something about horatio and llewelyn — has brought out the worst in him. he ignores the pang of his heart ( just like he’s ignoring the curve of horatio’s lips, like he’s ignoring the lilt of his voice ).
“ and who says i’m not enjoying myself ? ”
he glances around the room. is he enjoying himself ? arguably, yes. he didn’t enjoy the conversation with kit, nor the one with llewelyn, but his conversations with boris and lillian went fine and — fine. maybe he isn’t enjoying himself. maybe these parties are more of an annoyance than anything else.
alistair isn’t going to let horatio know this — but it seems like he already does.
his hand hangs in the air, the emptiness from the glass being taken suddenly apparent. ( a part of him wonders what horatio’s hand would feel like in his ). he lets his hand drop to the side. “ if you wanted it, you should have just asked. ” he looks around them, feigning disinterest.
“ i picked one of them, ” he corrects, his voice cold. “ angelou and lillian picked the others. ” it’s a weak excuse. anyone who is invited is bound to be corrupted. there is no doubting that. invictus’ history is cruel and cold and violent. tragedy lurks around every corner. anyone who joins is bound to have their soul stained.
horatio wants both to laugh and to scream. instead, he shakes his head, and tries to think of less trying things than the boy-king. tesla. think of tesla. she’s adorable. you love tesla. who doesn’t? probably alistair. because alistair hates fun. his drunk mind is in no shape or form to be controlled, so of course his thoughts go to him, immediately. “you’re showing off,” he says, eyebrows raised. “did i step on your toes? or are you simply compensating for something?” gods above, he wants to punch alistair.
in his stupid little face.
with his face.
instead, he laughs. “i haven’t seen you enjoy yourself since -- oh, hell if i know. lillian might.” the implication is clear: you don’t let me. this night is so long. so long. horatio refuses to look alistair in the face. a concoction of different hard liquors always makes him angry. or maybe it brings out the anger, something seated deep within.
( oh how he had wanted alistair to look at him. a year before, when they were skipping stones -- how he had hated him, at first, but wanted his attention, still. how he had wanted him, first, then loved him, slowly, painfully. how the dagger in his heart twists, still. )
“my apologies, great king.” horatio teases, again. fuck him. fuck alistair and his bullshit. horatio needs more liquor, and he needs it now. -- thank all circles of hell for boris, having bottles of expensive alcohol lying around everywhere. horatio doesn’t read the label, he just pours it into alistair’s glass. downs it. another, but sipping it, this time.
“don’t pretend as if anybody can walk through the doors of this... club without you approving of them.” it’s the truth. if alistair hadn’t wanted them here, they wouldn’t be here. “lying to me, now, huh, mr. fox? seems like the summer has changed you.”
antiquitylloyd:
She listens with envy to his catalogue of courses, and the envy, at least, is a comfortingly familiar feeling, washing over everything else. Envy over everyone else’s studies, envy over everyone else’s lives: she is a creature made of envy, spread thin across human bones. For that envy to be over something like Althusser and Derrida, it’s an easy dance, a familiar song– it is a language she learned to speak in her first weeks at Cambridge, name-dropping theorists like her life and reputation depended on it, knowing just enough to be able to speak up and sound in-the-know during seminars.
It’s easier than his follow-up question. Do you want to talk about it? And that’s the problem: she does, she does desperately, want to talk about all of it, every single piece. She’s been stuck in her head for months, thinking about it all, and she thinks that maybe if she could just get some of it out, say it out loud, it might untangle the gordian knot in her mind and she might be able to breathe easier, and she’s always felt like she could talk about anything with Horatio and–
No.
She can’t. Lillian’s words ring in her ear: keep your mouth shut. She can’t say a word to anyone, not even to Horatio. Not even to Saffron. She has compartmentalized it all, a preservational tactic, and she’s not going to disrupt that and risk fucking everything up because she couldn’t handle a little stress.
‘Wasted,’ she echoes back, her preference clear. ‘If you’re going to taunt me with Derrida, I’m going to need a lot more alcohol.’
if horatio had been a better man, he would have pressed the issue. scratch that -- there is no getting better after this. if horatio had been another man, he might have.
the night is alive. walker is not. it’s cold, harsh truth. if ani wants to forget that, he won’t be the one to pull out the moral compass. really, he doubts he has one, with how much thought he has given to this. murder. it sounds like a play. chekov’s gun. if there is a snitch on the wall in the first act, then in the following one it should be dead.
“sounds absolutely like my kind of plan,” horatio grins, after his pause. he’s good at pauses -- at giving them, at offering them, at gifting them. this is his declaration of you’re okay, ani, and he can give her nothing more. except for liquor, that is. horatio fills the abandoned shot glasses, either with tequila or vodka -- he is not sure. the world has blurred around the edges. he can only focus on his own heartbeat, and ani’s eyes.
“here’s to getting wasted, then!” he laughs, and stops thinking. about what he has slipped to saffron. about lou’s heart, beating in his hand. about watching a body fall down, down, down, and refusing to hear. instead he fills that silence with records, and burning alcohol, and helping other people with forgetting, as well.
it’s easy. it’s easy to pretend. it wouldn’t be, if horatio had been a better man.
hsanayoons:
occupied. there’s no reason for sana’s cheek to flame because she’s heard people say worse, she’s not a blushing virgin. she’s nearly twenty-two years old, for pete’s sake. this is fine. she’s fine.
she can’t help the wrinkle in her nose, instinct acting first before she can stop herself. not disgust, just second-hand embarrassment and overall discomfort. “oh. i just assumed he was with you.” there’s an emphasis on the last word, but she’s not quite sure what kind. “i don’t – i don’t know anyone here. i’m not going to, y’know. interrupt anyone’s fun.”
“clearly, an incorrect assumption.” horatio responds, pouring himself some whiskey. good whiskey. make it double. they should come in triples. “though i do see where you’re coming from.” sana looks like she’d rather be anywhere but here, with anyone but him. horatio is grinning, exhilarated from the discomfort of the situation.
“you know, that sounds... what’s the right word...” he pretends to be thinking, forcing his way through the conversation, “pathetic.” he smiles wider at having found his answer. “life is unbearable without interruptions. you wouldn’t want to make alistair disappointed in your first invictus event, would you?” eyebrows raised. “he must have chosen you for a reason.”
saffrcns:
Blowing smoke into the night, Saffron watches it disappear into nothing; mesmerised. You can find poetry anywhere, if you know where to look. This is one of those instances - a cigarette, straddling the edge of beauty and death. She likes it when the two come together. It feels familiar. It feels like herself - if she were forced to give her being verbal form. Such is her concentration that it takes more than a moment for Saffron to become aware of the pit-patter of footsteps behind her, Horatio’s booming voice and the offer he extends.
She takes the bottle without comment, raising the cool glass to her lips. She always preferred it this way, drinking straight from the source, like nectar from the Gods. Saffron doesn’t offer a thank you.
“What mischief do you have planned for tonight? Let me in on it.” She asks, twinkle in her eye, a part of her voice goading him into action. Inhaling deeply, she makes a study of him, trying to unpick everything new. What’s changed since France? How do you carry the stain of murder? Or are you indifference to it’s vice? She can’t tell - but by the end of the night she will have. “Sacre Bleu.” Saffron replies with a half a shrug, a poor imitation of the real thing. She isn’t like her peers, with their privileged upbringings and half a dozen languages at her feet. Saffron makes do with English - and even then, it fails her from time to time. “No. France was otherworldly. I think I’ll go back when I make my fortune. Hang up my forgery hat and spend the rest of my days trampling the Louvre, smoking cigarettes and taking lovers back to my Maison.”
horatio lets saffron’s voice pull him in, anchor him to the night. he thinks of the nights spent leaning against the wrought of the hotel room. french wine and french cheese. mornings catching the light of saffron’s dresses, floating against the wind. a private tour of the louvre. feels like ages ago, when he’d basked in the silence of saffron’s company. the stilling, calming, overwhelming silence of existing.
faux innocence. “mischief?” he says, arms resting on the railing as he stretches his back. “when have i ever been mischievous?” when have you ever been anything else?
the truth is, horatio wants to do something preposterous. something frustrating, and dangerous, something that will infuriate alistair. for some reason, he’s been harboring some sort of biting anger ever since... the start of the term, really. he wants to run away from this -- the club, the people, the history. not because he feels any moral obligation to do so; but because he feels caged. he had asked so many times to feel, to be wanted, to be welcomed during his undergraduate years. he hadn’t expected the world to answer like this, fully and unconditionally, no survivors. horatio watches the setting of the sun, as darkness surrounds them.
“sounds like a plan, you know.” he turns around and leans against the railing, looking at saffron, a reflection of a self on her own face. “france. but i don’t think i could live there, my french is ghastly.” he can’t stay still. shifts from foot to foot, as if his body is constantly aware of its physical existence, of its limitations. he looks inside through the curtains, catches the sound of a laugh over the music.
“it seems if i try at anything mischievous, alistair’s patience might run impossibly thin.” he continues the previous conversation. something suggests, that’s why you have to, imagine how fun it’d be, but horatio doesn’t listen. he is not drunk enough to, not yet. instead, he opens his mouth and lets the words spill: “wouldn’t want to get on his nerves before the big vote and all, knowing him.”
date & time: october 5th, 00:35 location: the terrace status: @ljllian
the night surrenders.
horatio spots vega up in the sky, cygnus right next to it. shift left a little bit, and there’s ursa major. the shadow of constellations brushes over them, leaving them breathless. his hands are cold. maine is not kind to strangers, but he knows these waters. the unforgiving terrain. he watched a man die for it.
enter stage, lillian.
or, more accurately: horatio somehow climbs up the stairs to the top floor. there is a bottle of whiskey in his hand. he has mixed countless drinks, but the protests that his body will make are for the morning, when conversations fade and their shadows remain. for now, he is not interested in a time that has not yet come. he wants to count the stars, and he wants to do it under the chill of the night. might as well have company.
“lilith,” he exclaims, throwing himself towards lillian. laughs as he sits across her, sprawling all over the seat, very obviously not made for someone to take as much space as possible with their numb limbs. “how does the night treateth thee?” a soliloquy for the dark. horatio chugs at his drink.
antiquitylloyd:
‘Ignoring you? I could never. I’ve been drowning without you.’ She knows she could keep going, feed him the same excuses she’d been feeding everyone. What had she said to Alistair earlier? Something about Drayton doing his best to keep the Modern students on the straight and narrow. How easy it would be to spend the next hour complaining to Horatio about the Modern program and its bullshit professor, to lament once again that she couldn’t just join him in Critical Theory and abandon her own program altogether. They’d had that conversation a million times. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary. He wouldn’t be able to tell that it was all a lie, that she had been intentionally hiding – not from him, of course, never from him, but from him by proxy, from all of them, everyone involved, every face she kept seeing in her nightmares.
She takes the shot he offers, and she’s had enough to drink now that it hardly stings, doesn’t burn, and she smiles through it, content that he’s moving the conversation right along into much more comfortable territory. She can talk about classes til the cows come home, can talk about them long enough to ignore the question about Lillian– not wanting to think about the conversation she’d had on the way to the party. If she gets excited enough about her list of classes, she can draw the conversation easily away from the where have you beens and the has Lillian threatened to kill you yets, the exact thoughts she’s trying to distract herself from.
‘Summer was fine, boring, distinctly lacking in you which means it was a waste of my time entirely. Let’s see, I’ve got Southern Gothic and the American Dream, I’ve got this awful class on the Beat Generation, a seminar on Ulysses, Aesthetics and the Bloomsbury Group, Black Women Writers in the Early 20th Century, and I’m in sitting in on Serrano’s first year Lacan seminar. What about you? Please, god, let me live vicariously through the sound of your courses.’
ani’s presence itself is a party. sometimes soft, quiet. sometimes a journey through time itself -- wounded, wild. horatio loves the silence, but he likes the noise better. there is something unsaid, in the silence. an expectation that won’t surface until the witching hour. until the trees start muttering and the ocean calls for them. horatio is not an idiot.
he doesn’t mention his getaway to france with saffron -- he doubts saff won’t, at some point, but this conversation isn’t really about them. it’s not about him. “it is a tragedy that you’re taking drayton’s courses.” a familiar conversation; horatio falls back into it with the ease of history, of memory. “but serrano’s lacan seminar is mind-blowing. i’m sure they will cancel each other out. hopefully.” another shot. his hands shake when he is sober; they still with alcohol.
“i’ve got a marxist theatre seminar with boris -- he talked me into it. one on euripides, and let me tell you -- bartholomew is enthusiastic of this one.” he loves the classics lectures. kit’s voice as it rises in argument. professor lyall bartholomew’s lectures, impossible to be a bore. “medieval short stories with gardner. she’s actually not half bad.” he shrugs, a smirk plastered across his face. “oh -- don’t get jealous -- one on althusserian marxism and another on derrida’s deconstruction. i think professor serrano is thinking about trying to have the man himself to give a lecture here. it’s a real tragedy with althusser, though.”
horatio doesn’t know how to mention it. he doesn’t know how to speak of it. doesn’t think ani would want to open up to him, either. but he’s not an idiot. and he is not cruel, so he tries, but gently: “do you --” a shift in tone, in voice. “do you want to talk about it?” he pauses, looks at the tray of alcohol before them. “we could also get absolutely wasted, if you prefer.”
EMILY BRONTË, Wuthering Heights
MARY SHELLEY, Frankenstein
date & time: october 4th, 19:56 location: the porch status: @saffrcns
every party has a beginning, middle, end. horatio would rather continue existing in the middle.
the champagne is good. tastes like silk down his throat. an easy conversation starter. warms bodies enough to let some inhibitions go, but not all. horatio spots saffron on the porch, one arm surrounding herself, the other pressing a champagne glass against her lips. dinner is over, what remains of their feast is dirty plates and empty bottles of alcohol. it seems not unlikely for saffron to take a moment of her own after the harrowing entertainment of an invictus dinner.
“champagne!” he offers the bottle under his arm with a grin. he exists to break moments of silence, to cut through them with a sharp, half-burnt knife. “more of it, i mean.” there are so many bottles laying around, from boris’ own selection. this might be a defense mechanism. abwehrmechanismen. horatio hates unwarranted thoughts of freud in the middle of any conversation.
he remembers, only three months ago, how saffron had come to his rescue when he was stuck in france, finally understanding. ever since, he hasn’t let himself remain alone with the thought. he hasn’t killed a man. they were not his hands. “i haven’t seen you properly in a while, saff.” he whines, only half-dramatic. “was france that terrible?”
sanayoons:
WHEN: 4th october, 10:17pm WHERE: atwood’s WHO: @rowstock
look, she’s got nothing against horatio, per se – bad energy isn’t something she likes putting her effort into, so she’s not. she’s not going to pick fights with him or anything. but she doesn’t really like him, thinks his personality is performative and not quite her cup of tea, but lou seems to like him, so she guesses this is her life now. painful interactions with her best friend’s – whatever.
“where’s lou?” is the first thing she says, when she spots horatio across the room and darts forward to tap him. and then realises that it’s ruder than she usually is, so makes her lips curve into a smile. “i haven’t seen him for, like, the last hour.”
there is something unbelievably annoying in sana yoon that horatio can’t exactly place. perhaps it’s the silence that bothers him. or this -- bizarre wave of judgement that comes off of her, as if she gets to have a say in what kind of a person he is.
too bad when horatio is annoyed, he is insufferable. “looking for your comfort buddy?” he asks, eyebrows raised. he downs the rest of his drink -- never say he can’t appreciate a good vodka, the way it should be. “the last time i saw him, we were a little bit occupied. i assume he’s wandering around the house.” he wants to ask, what are you doing here? but it is left unsaid. “you know, i thought the purpose of this event was to socialize with your upperclassmen.”