I had a dream last night! I need to write it out somewhere.
I was staying in a house with a group of other subs. I was the newest arrival. The owners of the house were a wealthy, busy working couple who would use their subs to entertain them and do all their dirty work.
The owners went out to work, and the other subs and I were feeling frustrated and chaotic. I’m not sure why I felt so angry and frustrated, perhaps due to a bratty rebellion.
The other subs started making a mess in the pristine, white kitchen, they smeared food on the counters and squeezed ketchup on the fridge, throwing flour at each other and on the floor.
A stroke of rage pulsed through me, I wanted to take it further. I took a black permanent marker and a screwdriver and started scribbling on surfaces and digging the screwdriver into cupboards. The other subs started slowing down to a stop, the reality of the damage I was doing was sobering to them as they realised the trouble I had caused for us.
I realised what I had done. I suddenly felt terrified and regretful, I tried to undo it by scrubbing the marker but it was just unfixable. In my fear I ran and hid under a blanket upstairs, shaking and sweating. My emotions were uncontrollable. I wanted to disappear into nothing, but I knew I would have to face the consequences, and I knew they would be fucking severe.
Eventually I heard the owners return. My breathing quickened and I curled up tightly. Sir came into the room.
He used my real name. I didn’t move.
“Come downstairs.” He closed the door as he left.
I knew I had to just go. I picked myself up and braced myself before creeping down into the kitchen to join the owners and the group of subs. The other subs had worked hard on cleaning up their own mess while I had been hiding, but I couldn’t even look at what I had done. Sir began to speak.
“We are so disappointed. We give you everything here.. food, shelter, even affection. I just can’t believe that one of you would do this.”
The tension was so thick you could cut it. I tried to control my breathing. He must know it was me, but he hasn’t called me out yet. I began to panic. He looked directly at me.
“The person who did this should be ashamed. You are vile. This is going to cost us a lot of money to replace. I am certainly not going to be paying for this out of my own pocket.”
He spoke calmly but with conviction and order. I had fully expected a severe physical punishment, but I had no idea where he was going with this.
“The person who did this...” He took a step towards me. I could feel the other subs looking at me.
“... Will work to make the money to remodel our entire kitchen. You will make no money of your own. You will do degrading jobs that I will choose and long hours on top of the worst chores here. This will take you years to pay off, as you will still have to contribute your regular costs to us, including rent. We expect £50,000.”
The figure hit me. I would have to make 50 grand. I would never be allowed to save money for a house or advance my career. I had just sealed my fate. And I deserved it for being so unruly and stupid.
So, to analyse this dream...
This wasn’t even a ‘sexy or physical punishment’, it was complete ownership and relinquishment of my own free will, which I had trapped myself with. One moment of frustration and release caused real damage, which made the consequences real and inescapable too. It was genuinely scary to me haha.
