So, I think that this was super well-intentioned, but I think it’s also an example of exactly what we’re talking about. It’s not that we feel excluded from Christmas because we want to celebrate it and we can’t, it’s that we feel excluded from American society because we don’t want to celebrate Christmas and in many ways it’s made clear to us that that’s not okay.
Your family’s Christmas sounds lovely and I am glad that’s something your family does! But, it’s not something I’m going to adopt with my family, for a few reasons. It’s partly because Christmas was often when antisemitic violence would occur back in Eastern Europe — tensions between Jews and their non-Jewish neighbors would erupt that night and Jews would be killed. It’s also because of the association Christmas still does have with Jesus. But the simplest reason is just, it’s not our culture and there’s no reason to celebrate and that’s okay!
To make an analogy — Rosh Hashanah is a Jewish holiday that happens in September or October. It’s our New Year. We gather with our families, wear new clothes, eat special foods and go to synagogue. It’s a religious holiday for a lot of Jews, but there are some secular Jews who don’t go to synagogue or say any of the blessings — they just use it as a day to gather with their families and have a special meal. But, I’m guessing your family probably doesn’t do that. And it’s probably not because you object to Rosh Hashanah on religious or philosophical grounds, or because you feel excluded — it’s just because it’s not your holiday and there’s simply no reason why September 6th (or whatever day it falls) should be any different from any other day. And that’s okay!
In much the same way, Christmas for my family was just another day — albeit a day my dad had off from work, and I had off from school. And, Jews actually do have various alternatives! Because it’s a day off but most things to do are closed, American Jews developed a tradition of eating Chinese food and going out to a movie (because Chinese restaurants and movie theaters are often the only businesses open). Growing up, it was usually just a quiet day spent catching up on homework.
There’s an older tradition called Nitl Nacht, as well, that comes from pre-WW2 Jewish society in Eastern Europe. Bevause of the pain that Christianity had brought to Jewish communities (in the form of violence) it was considered not good to study Torah on Christmas because then Jesus would merit from it, so men who would usually have been put studying Torah would instead stay in and play cards and board games. I suspect the reason for this was also so they wouldn’t be outside where they could be attacked. My mom grew up mostly in the US, but she and her family did Nitl Nacht when she was growing up because her family is Hasidic and keep some of the older customs that other American Jews stopped doing.
So, it’s not actually about not having something to do on actual Christmas Eve or Day! We’re pretty content with eating Chinese food, or playing cards, or sitting and doing homework. The real issue is the month or two leading up to it, when we’re bombarded with Christmas music and Christmas merchandise and Christmas from every angle and place — ads on TV, Christmas trees in our apartment buildings, decorations in our offices, even tumblr aesthetic blogs. It’s everywhere — for weeks and weeks. And it’s a reminder that we don’t belong.
See, the thing is, it’s not really about feeling bad that we can’t celebrate it (though, I won’t lie, for me at least there’s a little of that). What it’s about is the fact that it sends a message that there is no room in society for people who don’t celebrate Christmas. That we’re doing something wrong if we don’t. Something offensive even. And that’s so often reinforced — by coworkers asking what our Christmas plans are even if we’re loudly Jewish, to a Jew being told they can’t put up a Chanukah decoration in their cubicle when the entire office is covered in Christmas decorations because it “ruins the vibe,” to people actually getting angry when a Jew says they don’t celebrate Christmas!
I don’t mean to make an example of you, but to be honest, your comment ties into this. There were maybe some assumptions that the existence and importance of Christmas in someone’s life is a default, and that the only objection to it could be not feeling included in it. And that’s really the thing; we’re not asking to be welcomed into Christmas. We’re asking to be respected and accepted as full members of American society (or whichever society, because while my experience and that of the article author is that of being Jewish in America, this is more broadly applicable) even if we don’t to participate in Christmas.
The issue isn’t even Christmas itself, not really. The issue is with not making space for difference. With not being okay with difference. The issue is with a society that centers one religion and culture and marginalizes the others. A society where there’s just one right way to be, and everyone else is expected to assimilate or at very least shut up. So, while the offer to be welcomed into Christmas is kind, what we really want is a society where difference is welcomed and where lots of different religions and cultures are seen as valid and valued parts of our communal fabric.
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