lierdumoa

Elder-millennial. Queer as hell. Sex positive. Fannish. I only donate to humanitarian organizations vetted by charitywatch.org. ALL donation spam/scams that enter my askbox will be blocked and reported. ZERO EXCEPTIONS. That includes gofundmes claiming to have been "vetted" by @gazavetters, which is a fraudulent account run by con artists. See my ask/DM policy: LINK

[lierdumoa]

I have seen more mermay art in the first week of June than in the venture month of May.

Excited for kinkvember.

[lierdumoa]

Kink Negotiation in Heated Rivalry

I keep seeing people say that their kink is "undernegotiated" and I think it displays a fundamental misunderstanding of what the word "negotiation" actually means.

If characters are communicating their desires clearly and constantly checking in to see if the other character is still in agreement or whether they've changed their minds, and coming to an agreement, that is a complete and successfull negotiation, regardless of whether it happens verbally or non-verbally.

People are acting as though negotiation doesn't count if it doesn't follow a specific formula laid out in a 300 page bdsm manual, but negotiation was not invented by 300 page bdsm manual in the 1990s. Humans have been negotiating since before language was invented.

And following a manual formula is useless if you don't actually know how to pay attention to your partner and learn how to read them.

I mentioned in another post that all of the text back and forth they have before they meet up is also a form of negotiation. They are quite literally haggling over sex acts like two old biddies at a flea market. Ilya saying, "I don't think is what you want" in the episode 6 blowjob scene is Ilya doing the sex equivalent of asking the guy at the farmer's market if he'll knock an extra $5 off the top if he buys three crates of the strawberries.

That's negotiation! Both parties made their wants and desires clear and 'came' to an agreement.

I think people also have this idea that if people are testing each other's boundaries, that automatically makes the sex dubiously consensual.

But we are talking about two people who literally get off on pushing each other's boundaries, who literally get off on turning sex into a competition and making sex bets that require one party to forefeit something if the bet is lost.

That's their kink! They both fully agreed to participate in their sex-haggling kink together!

Arguing that it's not "real" negotiation or "real" agreement because the sex-haggling kink makes you uncomfortable is just another form of kink shaming.

You don't get to decide for other people that their consensual sex doesn't count as consensual because it's not something you personally would consent to, or because their dynamic isn't something that you personally would feel comfortable with.

They clearly do feel comfortable with their dynamic. They are clearly both having a good time. They clearly understand each other really, really well. They are clearly incredibly sensitive to each other's moment-by-moment wants and needs.

The way BDSM "experts" in this fandom talk about healthy kink sounds less like an encouragement for healthy communication and more like a criticism of any communication that doesn't strictly follow their preferred formula. It's coming across less like they're trying to educate people on safe kink practices and more like they're trying to assume the role of white!Jesus in the "Myth of Consensual Sex" meme.

[lierdumoa]

Ultimately, when it comes to negotiation (of any kind) following a rule book to the letter is no substitute for developing communication skills through years of practice.

Shane and Ilya are for more able to negotiate a mutually enjoyable encounter than two people meeting at a BDSM club for the first time who spend more time reading manuals than they do engaged in active conversation with other human beings.

I get the sense a lot of the people posting kink discourse on tumblr spend more time posting kink discourse on tumblr than they do having actual in-person interactions with other human beings.

[lierdumoa]

Kink Negotiation in Heated Rivalry

I keep seeing people say that their kink is "undernegotiated" and I think it displays a fundamental misunderstanding of what the word "negotiation" actually means.

If characters are communicating their desires clearly and constantly checking in to see if the other character is still in agreement or whether they've changed their minds, and coming to an agreement, that is a complete and successfull negotiation, regardless of whether it happens verbally or non-verbally.

People are acting as though negotiation doesn't count if it doesn't follow a specific formula laid out in a 300 page bdsm manual, but negotiation was not invented by 300 page bdsm manual in the 1990s. Humans have been negotiating since before language was invented.

And following a manual formula is useless if you don't actually know how to pay attention to your partner and learn how to read them.

I mentioned in another post that all of the text back and forth they have before they meet up is also a form of negotiation. They are quite literally haggling over sex acts like two old biddies at a flea market. Ilya saying, "I don't think is what you want" in the episode 6 blowjob scene is Ilya doing the sex equivalent of asking the guy at the farmer's market if he'll knock an extra $5 off the top if he buys three crates of the strawberries.

That's negotiation! Both parties made their wants and desires clear and 'came' to an agreement.

I think people also have this idea that if people are testing each other's boundaries, that automatically makes the sex dubiously consensual.

But we are talking about two people who literally get off on pushing each other's boundaries, who literally get off on turning sex into a competition and making sex bets that require one party to forefeit something if the bet is lost.

That's their kink! They both fully agreed to participate in their sex-haggling kink together!

Arguing that it's not "real" negotiation or "real" agreement because the sex-haggling kink makes you uncomfortable is just another form of kink shaming.

You don't get to decide for other people that their consensual sex doesn't count as consensual because it's not something you personally would consent to, or because their dynamic isn't something that you personally would feel comfortable with.

They clearly do feel comfortable with their dynamic. They are clearly both having a good time. They clearly understand each other really, really well. They are clearly incredibly sensitive to each other's moment-by-moment wants and needs.

The way BDSM "experts" in this fandom talk about healthy kink sounds less like an encouragement for healthy communication and more like a criticism of any communication that doesn't strictly follow their preferred formula. It's coming across less like they're trying to educate people on safe kink practices and more like they're trying to assume the role of white!Jesus in the "Myth of Consensual Sex" meme.

[penandinkprincess]

has bg gotten her claws into selkie hollanov bc id be curious to see what u could do with that

something something status symbol in russia of having selkies in the family something something very fashionable and old money flex energy to have a selkie at a party wearing their pelt the way people do furs something something ilya and his mom were both status symbols in the family, but his dad didn't actually care about properly taking care of them (letting them shift often enough, letting them soak in water often enough) because it was more about showing them off.

something something there is still an association of selkies being softer/more female coded in north america/similar cultures (maybe more common in those cultures because of more ocean access with more active/used ports?? so not AS rare and thus not such a flex), so shane doesn't *hide* that he's a selkie, per se, but he fucking CERTAINLY doesn't brag about it.

which makes the cottage a place that's even more special because ilya gets to soak and play as much as he wants without it just being to show off, and shane gets to shift and enjoy his time as a seal without worrying about what anyone else is thinking.

[penandinkprincess]

i'm actually in tears about the idea of yuna finding out that ilya doesn't always have his pelt on him and access to it whenever he wants and kicking ASS until that shit is OVER. and maybe it wasn't even actively malicious on the part of the coaches/higher ups. grigori constantly belittled ilya and said he couldn't be trusted keeping up with his pelt on his own, and ilya was always meant to be silent and so just. handed it over. because what the fuck else was he supposed to do? at least it wasn't in russia. at least he can get this one when he wants. it just doesn't occur to him that he could just. take it back. why would it?

irina who wanted her son to be free and happy and did everything she could to try and make that happen and yuna who picks up the baton to get it to the finish line.

legit actually crying about the idea of the Mom Teamwork.

[lierdumoa]

So somebody wrote an excellent selkie-adjacent hollanov fic in which wolf shifters follow selkie worldbuilding rules with regard to their pelts:

Under Your Skin by KayGibs on AO3

[inqorporeal]

"Fascism"—New Federal Rule Would Require Federal Funding Recipients To Deny Trans People Exist

The rule could have heavy impacts towards trans people across society.

It's only in proposal right now (as of June 8, 2026), but y'all need to contact your reps. It also targets abortion care and recognition of diversity.

[knightofleo]

"Avenge meeee"

[seeraphina]

the aura these two photos in particular were giving and are still giving a decade later...

[joshpeck]

still being active on tumblr is camp

[fucignwimdy]

this post is gonna blow up even more when op deactivates

[joshpeck]

i'll outlive everything you love

[detroitlib]

"No Gas! Reading is not Rationed. Let's Go Read! Kalamazoo Public Library"

[lesbianbottomemes]

the gay girl dating scene is really like this

[orrrriggggg-deactivated20210115]

[lesbianbottomemes]

why did you add this to my post about wanting to have sex with women

[pieces0fconsciousness]

The post that almost went to horny jail, then landed in wholesome territory

[weaver-z]

Oh, shut the fuck up. Why is it “horny jail” for a woman to want to kiss another woman? Why do women who like other women require a “wholesome” edit to fix their “horny” comic that was about nothing more than an expression of attraction? Because we’re gross for our desires? Because we’re unpalatable unless we’re ~chaste~ and ~wholesome~ and ~unpolluted by sexual attraction~? People view all lesbian attraction as predatory and it SHOWS. I hope you’re ashamed of this, genuinely.

[catgirlforeskin]

Tumblr users never think critically about the religious views they were indoctrinated with as children and up creating cathowlwicism

[yourantagonist]

fixed it

[bacony-cakes]

we need to tear down the horny jail like it’s the bastille

[tpwrtrmnky]

Analyzing the politics of a work that's meant to be apolitical is actually a really interesting exercise because it asks you to critically examine what the creator considers to be "political" in the first place. Which ideas are just How Things Are, and which ones are Political, and how is that influenced by the creator's beliefs?

[takashi0]

Usually this just ends up with you looking like a moron btw

[tpwrtrmnky]

Angrily lashing out at the suggestion that it's possible to do basic media analysis was foundational to the ragebait ecosystem of the 2010s, from which we got basically the entire culture of modern far right politics, btw.

[iteh3xael]

I genuinely believe myself and others are being so sincere and literal when we say TOUCH GRASS

[tpwrtrmnky]

I went outside and got an education, that's where I learned that you can obtain knowledge and insight through analytical methods, then noticed that some people who sit on the internet yelling at strangers get really mad about that constantly.

[irishironclad]

So actually if you really wanted to use your analysis skills you'd realize that what people are annoyed about is the implication that there's never a story or creative work they can create that can escape people like you attempting to assign political meaning to it when they just don't want that. That in fact people's presumptions about life are not, in fact, political (at best they are cultural, which is not an inherently facet of politics). And that by you people arrogantly pushing this idea you are intruding on the fact that a lot of people use fiction as escapism from politics and insisting that "urm no actually your favourite cartoon actually has politics cause no human being is 100% unbiased" is in fact, supremely fucking annoying

[tpwrtrmnky]

"Stop having fun wrong, it ruins my fun when you have fun wrong, it's not enough for me to just scroll past the analysis I don't like, if anyone anywhere is saying that the cartoon exists in a political context that's undermining my enjoyment of it!"

That's you. That's what you sound like.

[lierdumoa]

"Don't you realize how annoying you—" I love that using my brain to think is annoying to anti-intellectuals, actually. I hope they die mad about it.

[roseoilz]

translucent fabric sculptures by korean artist do ho suh

[hannahvardit]

i just think she's neat

[the1920sinpictures]

1930 c. A cartoon showing "The Salute of the Wets" as the gents flash each other a glimpse of their hip flasks! From Uncle-Barts London, Pinterest.

[olderthannetfic]

Do you think authors know that getting shitty about comment counts makes people less likely to wanna talk to them?

--

People busy throwing themselves a pity party just aren't thinking about that.

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[evilasiangenius]

so's the truck :D

[theprofessional-amateur]

She won an exemption from using AI at her tech job. The Pope's remarks could fuel similar appeals.

Legal experts say employers must take AI-related religious objections seriously, as a 2023 ruling raised the bar for denying such accommodat

"The funniest possible outcome of the AI mandate era is about to be HR departments discovering that 'sincerely held religious belief' under Title VII has a much lower bar than they assumed, and Pope Leo handed every Catholic employee a written excuse," wrote Corey Quinn, a software-startup founder in San Francisco, on X.

Employers could wind up in court if they outright dismiss workers who request a faith-based exemption from using AI, said Ashley Herd, a former McKinsey counsel and head of North American HR who now advises managers and employers on workplace issues.

"Playing priest, and telling employees their request isn't legitimate, does not tend to bode well for companies," said Herd, also a cohost of the "HR Besties" podcast. "A jury doesn't like it when employees get made fun of by managers or HR."