Royal Pains

From the USA tv show, Royal Pains. Hank/Boris posts and general stuff about the show.

[royalpainsandsuch]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Lets be thankful for all the good boris/hank fanfic this year. I hope this tiny little fandom never dies 💜 

[royalpainsandsuch]

Prompt Ideas

I need them.

No kidding, my brain has failed me. I have a billion ideas for my Star Trek fic,,, just none for my Royal Pains one. I am in desperate need for some prompts.

[borisofroyalpains-blog]

HELP A FIC AUTHOR OUT 

If you haven’t read them already, @royalpainsandsuch has two WIP RP fics going over on AO3 - the Hank-gets-drugged one and the Hank character study one (which SHUT UP just posted a new chapter I have to go read!).  Send in your prompts! 

@jadziana  @renuka13  @redlibrary  @onenewphoenix

[royalpainsandsuch]

Okay, first off THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I honestly love the cooking and the background check ideas - in fact, I’m going to run with them. It’s going to be amazing, I can feel it. I’ll even start writing tomorrow!

And for the Star Trek AU, I was planning on making that into a full fic because there’s no way my Trekky heart would let me leave it at 1500 words or so. I actually have most of the AU planned out. Although, I’m struggling on how much from the show Royal Pains I should put in there - the characters obviously, but which ones and to what extent? No clue.

I’m actually on spring break for the rest of the week and hopefully that will give me more motivation to write and I can get a lot done before school drags me under again. Although, I recently got Song Vegas Pro 14 for my laptop (which is for video editing and is like a god to me,,, I have no clue how I was able to get it) and it’s 100000% above my comprehension level. I’m attempting to use YouTube videos to help me understand, but it’s slow going. Hopefully, with enough practice, I’ll be able to start making Hank/Boris video edits again - but no promises.

[jadziana]

Weeee prompt ideas, let´s see ( I guess you mean the harmless stuff that´s not “adults only”? ooops ). I have been thinking about writing some Bones/RP crossover for ages. Brennan turns out to be one of Boris´ ex-girlfriends ( some loose stuff for a few months that was basically having some fun only for both of them ) and the guest house goes crazy and everybody wants to take a look at the woman who managed to get Boris. And she throws some private information in their faces, like you know, Brennan style. And Evan goes like “oh god, I can never look in his face again” .

Another ones is: Boris wants to take Hank on a new adventure trip to Tibet and it´s all very top secret and stuff and Evan and Paige manage to sneek in on that ( Evan is the usual nuisance and Paige just gets dragged in ) and they end up doing the trip together. Which of course sucks because all preparations were made for two, not for four. And Evan whines all the time about this and that and Boris is constantly in the edge of getting really angry with him. When they finally arrive at that legendary monastery the Lawsons find out they had been smuggling medication for the monks and Boris is doing all kinds of stuff to help them. And because he is a sucker for kids, he plays with the novices in the river getting wet all over. And there´s some talk about Boris´ family members serving frequently as knights of St. John.

And some less developed ides:

1. Hank gets drunk ( or Boris gets him drunk ) and it turns out he can´t handle alcohol very well.

2. Hank nearly drowns and Boris safes him, calling him “the worst swimmer I have ever seen”.

3. Nurse Boris turns out to be “EMT Boris” because he got taught by the military. That comes in extremely handy as HankMed is currently short of staff.

4. Shadow Pond has secret passages, hidden rooms and all kinds of stuff like that and Evan, Hank and Boris get lost in them, making a few unexpected discoveries.

5. Hank invites Boris and Marisa for barbecue and there´s another guest who goes completely fangirl mode on Boris because he/she knows exactly who the noble is and the whole evening get´s really strange and uncomfortable.

6. Carlos interacting with his godfather calling him “uncle Hank”.

7. Boris´ mum showing up at SP and Boris being all formal and calling her “Lady Mother”.

8. Boris and Marisa finally have their religious wedding. Europe´s royalty attends and the Lawsons too get invited. And find themselves in the middle of priceless jewels, gowns and all kinds of crazy.

9. Marisa wants to learn German so she can say her weding vows in Boris´ mother tongue. She takes lessons in town, of course without Boris knowing. Evan sees her there saying goodbye to her teacher and thinks she´s cheating on Boris. All kinds of crazy things happen, while Evan desperately tries to keep the wrong secret while being totally afraid of Boris. Chaos unfolds.

10. Boris is addicted to chocolate.

11. Some official addresses Boris with “Your Imperial and Royal Highness” and everybody just stares with their mouths open while Boris is all casual about it and shrugs it off.

12. Boris sympathizes with Divya because he too was trapped in an arranged marriage when he was younger and he too bailed out of it.

[borisofroyalpains-blog]

OHHHHH MY GODDDD I LOVE EVERYTHING?????!!!!  HOLY CRAP!!! 

Drunk!Hank would be hilarious, EMT!Boris would be HELLA AWESOME, Shadow Pond absolutely has secret passages and hidden rooms, LOVE everything with Marisa but especially Marisa learning German <3, anything with royal!Boris is awesome, REALLY LOVE Boris sympathizing with Divya, and THE TIBET ONE!!!!  Boris playing with the novices!!!  I may actually cry at my kitchen table right now oh my god. 

And to add onto the fun, here are some fic ideas I’ll probably never get around to writing: 

- 7.07 Boris creates an online dating profile to anonymously seduce “HamptDoc17″ 

- Boris and Hank are soulmates who have been reincarnated countless times over the years, always torn apart right when they find each other again.  Boris’s curse is that he always remembers their past lives; Hank’s curse is that he never does.  It’s all very tragic until they break the cycle and live happily ever after. 

- Anastasia AU.  Boris doesn’t remember that he’s the ruler of his country.  Dima is in charge while the long search for his half-brother continues.  Milos wants to kill Boris before he’s found so that the throne will pass to Milos.  Hank just wants to treat the country’s poor.  Enter Evan with his best idea yet - find someone they can pass off as their lost ruler so they can get the massive reward, Evan can have anything he desires, and Hank can keep treating people basically for free without worrying when they’ll have their meal. 

[jadziana]

I just love the soulmate thing. Don´t know where this prompt came from, but I read several stories from different fandoms with this prompt and it still works for me.

Oh and I have another one:

13. Emma earns some extra money by leaking inside pics and info about several Hamptonites. How much money would she get if she sold some juicy pieces about the Hamptons most wealthy and most exclusive resident? Unfortunately the guy in question can get really dangerous when his privacy is violated.

[royalpainsandsuch]

I LOVE ALL OF THESE IDEAS - although I know for certain which ones I’m going to leave for you two to write because I always love it when you both write fanfiction! The privacy thing with Emma actually seems like it could happen in the show and the Bones AU sounds like so much fun! Although, I must admit, I’ve watched a solid 3 minutes of Bones…

Along with the soulmate idea that I see a lot is the Sentinel AU idea, which I think is amazing. I actually figured out where the idea for the AU came from: The Sentinel, a late 1990’s American TV show. Anyways, long story short, I could definitely see Boris and Hank as a Sentinel and Guide. I’m not sure who would play each role, but I’ll get there lol.

[royalpainsandsuch]

Bringing this thread back because I promised myself I would write royal pains soon

[samweed]

A gifset per Royal Pains Episode: 2x5 - Mano a Mano

[royalpainsandsuch]

Agh, I love Hank so much in this part.

[onenewphoenix]

Home for the Holidays with the Shadow Pond Family!

Glad tidings to you:  @jadziana, @royalpainscentral, @renuka13, @championmuffin, @borisofroyalpains, @redlibrary, @giosteele, @maria-marz, @frosiron81, @nerdyzombiesonskates, @royal-pains-love-blog, @royalpainsandsuch, and to everyone in our family…

First, please allow me to wish you all the very best the season with light, love, health, warmth, and companionship!  You have all made my life become extraordinary; I greatly appreciate your friendship.

Second, a new chapter has been posted to ‘Music in the Air’ - we are now at Chapter 22, and it is called Requiem.  I hope you enjoy it.  (Hand on heart) Thank you for your continued interest.  

Horis is now in Budapest, Hungary, and then in St. Petersburg, Russia.  Some highlights include:

— Boris always wanted it this way as it was a matter of pride and honor for him to proceed formally on the day he visited Dima.

—“…You would like Hank; he laughs and smiles a great deal, like you. But you would have to be kind to him, Dima, because he has a gentle, old soul…”

— “We’re staying inside where it’s warm and dry, and that’s final,” Hank said after Boris had suggested they take a walk, “I’m sure that Khalil is worried that you and I are going to really ‘play in the snow’ today and we just don’t want him to go there.”

—Udo smiled slightly and nodded his head, “Also, please know that as I translate, you will hear a lot of formality and such; don’t worry about any of that until I suggest to you that there is something to worry about.”

—Also as they entered, the only sound was of Boris’ cane clicking lightly on the marble floor.  Boris and Hank saw several other Monument House staffers in formal uniforms positioned around the large foyer as well as two men and one woman, all of very senior age.  

[jadziana]

Gosh, what a Christmas gift! And I just love this shot ( there´s his family´s coat of arms on the teapot, heavens … ).

[royalpainsandsuch]

LOVE

[borisofroyalpains-blog]

Merry Christmas!

Or happy winter holiday of your choice or happy New Year, as you prefer!  : ) 

No new screenshots or quotes yet, I’m afraid - I’m stockpiling them so that if work gets really busy as it did this fall, I won’t just disappear off the face of the internet again.  Ideally I plan to start posting regularly again in the new year. 

In the meantime, I do have a little present for my Shadow Pond family and any other Royal Pains / Boris fans out there.  

I have a few ideas that have been floating around in my head for months.  I’ve written bits down here and there, but none of them are anything close to complete.  So, for this holiday season, I’m going to lay out a brief summary and short snippet from five of these fic ideas and you wonderful people can tell me which one I should actually get down to writing. 

Everyone - and by “everyone” I mean “anyone who reads this post” - gets two votes, and the fic with the most votes by January 8th is the one I’ll start really working on.  Hopefully I’ll be able to start posting in February or March - we’ll see!  (The other ideas will probably be written eventually, but I’ll give priority to the one people like best and work to get it finished.) 

So let me know what sounds good to you and have a very merry Christmas / happy holiday / fun New Year’s!!  Fic samples under the cut!  ^_~ 

*Note: These are all Boris/Hank fics because that’s how I roll.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

1) The Shapeshifter AU 

Wherein Boris is a shapeshifter and Shadow Pond serves as a safe haven for other shifters.  When Hank crashes a party and saves the life of a guest, Boris decides he is the ideal candidate - not only to become Boris’s personal doctor, but also to help with a plan of even greater importance.  Hank, meanwhile, knows that his new boss is a very private, even secretive man…but he has no idea just how much Boris is hiding.  [This one has the potential to get super long, just to warn you.  It mmight take longer to see any of it.] 

—

“So what was the big hurry?” Evan asked as soon as Hank came onto the patio.  “Everything okay?” 

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Hank said as he passed him.  “Just a bite.” 

“A – a bite?” Evan repeated. “Like a wo– uh, a dog bite, or uh…something else?” 

Hank turned slowly. Evan only got that high-pitched and agitated when he’d done something that he knew Hank wouldn’t like.  “What do you mean, something else?”  If this was leading up to some wild theory that Boris was a vampire… 

“I, uh, nothing?  I didn’t mean anything!  I was just – I’m not supposed to know, I’m not supposed to say anything –” 

“You tell me right now,” Hank interrupted, cutting through the babble, “or –” 

“The attack wolves are really wolves!” Evan blurted.  “And there are tons of other animals up there, like foxes and bobcats and probably lions and tigers and bears for all I know –” 

“Oh, sure.”  Hank relaxed.  “Boris just has a private menagerie that roams the property and bites unsuspecting –” 

“Henry, I saw them,” Evan insisted, and he looked so completely serious that Hank couldn’t help but believe him. 

A few more pointed questions and the whole story came spilling out.  By the end of it, Hank was simmering with righteous indignation.  It didn’t matter if the housekeeper had really been bitten by a “dog” or not – Boris had obviously coached her on what to say, lied repeatedly to Hank and Evan, and then threatened Evan into lying for him! 

“I’ll be back soon,” he said grimly, and started back out toward the main house. 

“Henry!”  Evan caught at his arm.  “Look, maybe we should just let it go.  What if he feeds you to his pit of alligators or something?” 

“No, Ev, I’m not gonna let this go.  I won’t work for someone I can’t trust.” 

This time, Evan let him go with a wordless noise of frustration.  Hank was well on his way when he heard Evan yell, “If you’re not back by dinner, I’m calling animal control!” 

2) The Season 8 Fix-It Fic 

Wherein Hank doesn’t run off to find Jill, Boris doesn’t abandon Shadow Pond, and the two of them go on a vacation together instead.   [Could go shorter or longer, but I’d say at least 5-10 chapters.] 

—

Hank arrived to find Boris already seated, as per usual, with a newspaper. 

“Hank.” 

“Hey, Boris.”  Hank sat with a quiet sigh.  Then he straightened in his seat as Udo put a drink in front of him, knowing immediately that something was up. 

That was a bottle of beer – and not just any beer, but Hank’s favorite, the one that Boris couldn’t see without getting a look of mild disdain. 

Hank looked from the beer to Boris, who was wearing his blandest expression.  Hank considered his options for a moment, then picked up the bottle and took a sip. 

“Okay.  What’s the occasion?” 

Boris looked pleased. “I have a proposal for you, Hank.” 

Hank grinned in spite of himself.  “Yeah, I figured as much.  What kind of international intrigue is it this time?” 

“Nothing so exciting,” said Boris.  He paused a moment, smoothing a hand across the linen tablecloth.  “I would like to offer you a vacation, anywhere you like, as long as you like.  No hidden agenda.  Just some time away to think about what changes you want.” 

3) The Deal with a Devil AU 

Crossover with the short film Love, Lots of It (starring Campbell Scott).  I wrote a prompt post for this idea a while back and started writing it myself.  Whoops. ^_^;;  [Not sure how long this would be? Honestly this is the one that needs the most planning still.] 

— 

There had been a story on campus, that’s what Rob had been talking about.  It always made the rounds before major exams, this story about a man (or a demon or the devil, depending on who was telling it) who would grant the requests of the desperate.  For a price, of course.  Hank had always thought of it as just a running joke on campus, but there had been students who insisted it was true.  None of them had ever seen the man in person – it was always “this girl who was here five years ago” or “my friend’s older brother’s lab partner” – but they were convinced nonetheless. 

“This is stupid,” Hank said aloud.  His voice sounded dull and flat in the oppressive silence of his apartment. 

You’d do anything, huh?  Really anything? 

He stared blankly at the TV screen, not really seeing the silent, moving figures.  He could just – go for a drive.  Just get out of the apartment and away from the stacks of bills for a little while.  He could just drive up that road, kind of a nod to one of the quirks of his alma mater. And if he brought a box, just in case… No one would ever have to know. 

4) Hank gets kidnapped; Boris is Not Pleased

When Hank substituted his blood for Boris’s in Hong Kong, neither of them thought that Guy’s mysterious employers would target Hank himself.  Unfortunately, they were wrong. [Again, could go shorter or longer.  Sort of hurt/comfort, I guess, but very short on the hurt - nothing really awful is going to happen to Hank.]

I don’t have a good intro clip for this one, so have a longer summary: Hank receives an offer - a whole lot of money in exchange for just a little information about his employer.  Bound by doctor-patient confidentiality and his own loyalty, Hank of course refuses.  Alas, he’s dealing with people who won’t take no for an answer and is subsequently kidnapped.  While Hank tries to stall for time and avoid giving his captors any useful information, Boris sets a search for him in motion and tries not to completely lose it.  And of course, when eventually Hank’s location is discovered, Boris insists on handling the situation personally.

And here are the lines that kicked off this idea for me: Hank called him a word that he’d once heard Dmitry call Boris when Dmitry was particularly irate.  Someone backhanded him viciously, and Hank decided to take that as a compliment on his pronunciation. 

5) Hank has a secret admirer 

Mysterious gifts start appearing outside the guesthouse for Hank.  Who could this secret admirer possibly be??  [Short and very sweet.  Like that’s the entire plot, Hank getting very thoughtful presents.  And maybe falling in love.  With Boris.  In case you couldn’t tell.] 

—

Hank was hardly an artist, but the portrait didn’t look like professional work to his untrained eye. But the level of detail, the warm, happy expression on portrait-Hank’s face…  It felt so personal, so – Hank struggled for words – reverential, almost, that his breath caught in his chest. 

“Well that’s creepy.” 

Evan’s voice came out of nowhere, and Hank twitched in surprise.  “Hey, that’s my face you’re talking about!” he said defensively. 

“You’re right, that’s part of the problem,” Evan said, nodding, “but I was more thinking about the fact that you clearly have some kind of stalker.” 

Hank laughed.  “Ev, don’t be ridiculous.” 

“I’m serious, Henry!” He pointed at the drawing.  “Look at that – someone has been staring longingly at your face from the shadows and probably going through our trash.  It’s creepy!” 

Hank tilted the portrait toward his chest, feeling oddly protective of it.  “You’re blowing this way out of proportion - nobody is going through our trash!  I think you’re just jealous.” 

“Jealous?  Why would I – What –”  Evan sputtered. 

“Goodbye, Evan,” Hank said, making a quick exit and taking the latest gift with him.

Soooo those are the main fic ideas I have kicking around in my head right now.  Tell me which two you’re most interested in reading and hopefully I’ll start posting the most popular choice in a few months.  Happy holidays!

[royalpainsandsuch]

Okay, I love all of them... like this is so hard to chose? I specifically like 2 and 4. I love hurt/comfort and I definitely need a fix it fic for how everything ended! IM SO HAPPY YOU ARE DOING THIS! Thank you so much and Happy Holidays!

[the-modern-typewriter]

“I think you need to taste this for me,” the monarch said. They shoved the exquisite cake in their guard’s direction.

Their guard blinked. “Um.” 

“What, you’d rather your monarch be poisoned?”

Of course not. The guard hesitantly took a mouthful, only to practically melt in satisfaction. “Oh my god.” It was amazing. They caught themselves. “I - er - I think it’s fine.” 

“You should try a sip of the wine too,” the monarch said. “Just to be safe. Sit, sit.” 

It took the guard slightly too long to realize that it was practically a date, with the monarch feeding them delicacies off their plate. 

[atonguetiedwriter]

Imagine your OTP

[royalpainsandsuch]

This is Horis.

[royalpainsandsuch]

That feel when your husband won't stop smiling long enough for you to kiss him properly.

[onenewphoenix]

The Honeymoon of Horis Continues...

Hello to my dear Shadow Pond Family/Comrades in Lust

(I miss you all very much - there, I said it out loud!  Good lord, how I miss the banter…and how we shared in the the pining for and the ‘gees-it-sure-is-warm-in-here’ feelings over our favorite, ”unfairly gorgeous” ‘obsession…”)

@borisofroyalpains, @jadziana, @redlibrary, @spooookyboo, @ratinthewall, @renuka13, @giosteele, and all others in our small but loving family…

Recommendation, Chapter 12 in the Music in the Air series on A03 has been posted today.  I hope you enjoy their continuing saga. Comments are always appreciated and gratefully accepted.

Please forgive this poor soul and the obsession that hovers…

“Love is a madness most discreet.”  William Shakespeare

#Boris Kuester von Jurgens-Ratenicz, #Hank Lawson, #Horis, #Shadow Pond Family, #Comrades in Lust, #unfairly gorgeous, #Music in the Air

[royalpainsandsuch]

CHAPTER 12??!!! YES! And I miss everyone as well. Unfortunately, I have been focusing on my job and summer ap classwork, which leaves little time for my favorite, tiny fandom. HOWEVER, I will try my best to keep up with everything!

[jadziana]

New Horis fic online!

Gather round, ladies, gather round! You need to read this:

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11695200/chapters/26330934?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_119750772

[royalpainsandsuch]

LOOK!! NEW FIC! IT'S SO GREAT AND IN SO EXCITED!

[jadziana]

New Horis storyx online

Guys, I don´t know if you caught this:

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11339598/chapters/25378584?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_114345540

( I nearly missed it, so enjoy )

[borisofroyalpains-blog]

HEEEEEYYY GUYS  (short but fun! ^_^) 

[royalpainsandsuch]

NEW FIC!

[borisofroyalpains-blog]

frostiron81 replied to your photo: Royal Pains: S08, E08 “Uninterrupted”

It is so difficult to find smutty fics with these two. Perhaps I need to write…?

OKAY YES PLEASE GOD PLEASE WRITE I can guarantee you half a dozen people at least are all dying to read any B/H you might write. 

(And if you need inspiration there are a few fics on AO3 you could check out and The Art of Strategic Planning on FFN.) 

[royalpainsandsuch]

@frostiron81 this entire fandom would support you lol. We need WAAYYY more fics.

[royalpainsandsuch]

~What really happened when they were away.

Please use headphones for better quality.

[royalpainsandsuch]

Also reposting this one because I no longer have the Boris/Hank look alikes saved anywhere.

[royalpainsandsuch]

It's that time of the year again. THATS RIGHT! I'm reblogging because I need to be able to see Hank and Boris kiss. @borisofroyalpains look, I made it happen for you.

[royalpainsandsuch]

Boris: I got up this morning, Hank, I was reminded of all the adventures we’ve had over the years.

Hank: Hmm.

Boris: The Middle East, Budapest, Argentina, St. Tropez, the Caymans...

Hank: You’re seducing me with nostalgia.

[borisofroyalpains-blog]

championmuffin replied to your post: Hey, so I’ve seen a few new usernames around my…

For the entire Royal Pains series I hated every girl they put Hank with. But it wasn’t until the last episode when Horis was doing their beach walk that it clicked for me and I finally found me ship! �� So happy to have found the community!

Hello and welcome!!  I’m so happy you’ve found the community too!  ^___^  I love meeting new people and I love that you’ve “seen the light” of Horis.  XD  (Honestly it’s so difficult to watch that last beach scene and think “ah yes this is a perfectly standard farewell between two very heterosexual friends” - I’m not surprised that’s when it clicked for you!) 

Anyway, yeah, it’s really fantastic to hear from you, and I hope you enjoy this blog and the community!  Feel free to chat any time, with me or with any of the other lovely people around here - we’re a pretty friendly group and we love talking about Boris and Hank. ^__^ 

[royalpainsandsuch]

@championmuffin FRIEND! Sorry, we are VERY enthusiastic about new people around here... it might be because our fandom is he size of an ant..... we are rarepair horis to the extreme.

[borisofroyalpains-blog]

jadziana replied to your photoset: Royal Pains: S08, E08 “Uninterrupted”

Does anybody remember the last time Boris looked so pissed off? Well that´s because he never did! “I´m going to see my wife and child again in a secure location which I consider my home ( yeah the man really loves Cuba )”. Instead he looks like “man, what a bad day, I absolutely hate every second of it!”

^^^ 

Yeah this is not the face of a man eager to return to his family.  Like for pretty much the entire beach scene (except for the hug) Boris looks like he hates his life.  And I know he’s a very reserved, almost stoic, character most of the time, but Campbell is well capable of looking blank or aloof without looking angry or disappointed the way he does on the beach.  So thanks for using your acting talent to stab me in the heart, my guy, good job. 

[royalpainsandsuch]

Ugh, all I can think about is a soulmate AU where Hank is Boris' true soulmate, but Boris and Marisa married because they fell in love in Cuba, thinking like many others that they would never find their true soulmates and that it didn't matter. But then here stumbles Hank who is clueless that him and Boris are soulmates, but Boris knows, how couldn't he with how he feels around the doctor? How couldn't he when he sees the glow in Hank's eyes whenever he's around?

All you need to finish the idea is some amazing man (or women) who could jump in to be Marisa's soulmate. Because I LOVE her and she deserves the world.

[jadziana]

This came from #parks-and-rpt by the way. I know we´ve got too many Hanks in here, but it´s still nice.

[royalpainsandsuch]

I'm in love with this and I need more.

[borisofroyalpains-blog]

Boris Walks Super Close to Hank: A Photo Essay

If I have yelled once about how close Boris and Hank are when they walk together, I have yelled a least a couple million times.  That said, I have never done a compilation of screencaps - nor have I directly compared Boris-walking-with-Hank to Boris-walking-with-not-Hank.  So that’s what we’re gonna do now! 

Keep reading

[royalpainsandsuch]

*internally screaming*