LOL at the GOP - Vol. 5: You Can't Spell "Forgot To Take Their Crazy Pills" Without "Tea Party" is now available!
Introduction - A Long Island Iced Tea Party is More Sane Than the Tea Party The recipe for a Long Island Iced Tea includes the following: Vodka, gin, light rum, tequila, and triple sec. The lemon juice and Coca-Cola are just added for coloring, I have come to believe. But even a party full of people consuming that hangover-inducing beverage isn’t nearly as crazy as the Tea Party. The recipe for the Tea Party includes large doses of these ingredients: Anger, paranoia, psychosis, denial, and manhoods the size of miniature Matchbox smart cars. If you ever engage yourself with one of these, please remember that the recipe is void of much research or common sense. While the Republican Party, as a whole, has gotten increasingly nutty in recent years, it has been largely aided by the Tea Party, who believe that: Shutting down the federal government was good for the American people, President Obama is the second-coming of Adolf Hitler, and Joseph met the Virgin Mary on eHarmony.com. So the Tea Party may not believe that last bit, but that pales in comparison to some of the things they have said and actually do believe, which get discussed at length in this book - LOL at the GOP - Volume 5: You Can’t Spell “Forgot To Take Their Crazy Pills” Without “Tea Party.” In this book, you’ll read about: A Tea Partier that feels President Obama hates white people (even though the president is half-white himself), a gun-rights activist who compares himself to firearm enthusiast Gandhi, how at least one person thinks abortion is the cause for global warming, and so much more! Now’s the time to go ahead and pour yourself a Long Island Iced Tea. In fact, just keep a pitcher of it around and continue drinking while reading LOL at the GOP - Volume 5: You Can’t Spell “Forgot To Take Their Crazy Pills” Without “Tea Party.” No matter how many Long Islands you consume tonight and no matter how much you mumble and slur your words as a result, you’ll still make a heck of a lot more sense than the Tea Party. Contents Introduction - A Long Island Iced Tea Party is More Sane Than the Tea Party - p. 7 A Fictional Foreward by The Tea Party - p. 8 The Tea Party Philosophy - p. 9 What if other workers treated their jobs like Tea Partiers do? - p. 11 Gettin’ deep with a Critical Thinking professor and a Tea Partier - p. 12 “President Obama’s speech is just a diversion, man…” - p. 17 You know you’re obsessed with Obamacare when… - p. 20 Ted Cruz ate paint chips as a kid - p. 23 Belief: Speaking for the American people. Reality: Speaking for such a small fraction of the American people, not even Jesus can see them. - p. 27 Talkin’ ‘bout Negotiation - p. 31 Pacifiers may be needed - p. 34 The Tea Party shall now be known as The Huggies Party - p. 36 A Tea Party-Baseball Analogy - p. 40 Allen West gets in touch with his innermost Judas Priest (“Breaking the Law”) - p. 42 “Obama hates white people!” He hates part of himself then. That makes sense… - p. 43 “…The Republican Party doesn’t want black people to vote…” - p. 45 Iowa’s Scott Schaben isn’t a racist because… - p. 47 A conservative Facebook group calls for a new national holiday - p. 49 Allow me to introduce you to activist Roan Garcia-Quintana - p. 50 Misspelling the title of your own book on the front cover can never be a good thing - p. 53 North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory’s middle name might as well be BS - p. 54 Donald Trump sues Bill Maher over an orangutan joke - p. 55 “How to Be a Real Man” - brought to you by New Jersey Senate candidate Steve Lonegan - p. 57 OCT with guns + MDA in a restaurant = - p. 58 The Buckeye Firearms Foundation wants to buy George Zimmerman a gun. …and O.J. Simpson a knife… and… - p. 60 If Gandhi marched with guns… - p. 62 South Carolina State Senator Lee Bright shows his last name to be misleading - p. 63 The bass ackwardsness of E.W. Jackson - p. 65 When not to tell a joke… - p. 67 A sex toy for Michele Bachmann - p. 68 I miss her already (Michelle Bachmann)… - p. 69 Talking to Women 101 - p. 72 New Mexico Representative Steve Pearce gives treats to obedient women - p. 74 North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory: Anti-choice on abortion and pro-choice on cookies - p. 75 “Pregnancy is like cancer” - p. 76 “Well, isn’t that convenient?” No, not unless you’re an idiot… - p. 77 “Abortion leads to global warming!” - p. 81 The Global Warming Conspiracy - p. 82 Steve Stockman impersonates Haley Joel Osment: “I get endorsed by dead people.” - p. 85 Wikipedia + Gattaca + Plagiarism = Rand Paul - p. 87 Rand Paul: “If I were a journalism teacher…” - p. 89 Coming soon: A plagiarism ad - brought to you by Rand Paul - p. 90 “Education shouldn’t be mandatory” - p. 91 Badass Jesus - p. 93 Beyond Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs - p. 96 In the distant future, when Democrats and Republicans form two separate countries… - p. 101 References - p. 107 Acknowledgements - p. 117 About the Author - p. 119 In paperback, the book was originally $10.50, but with the 5% discount I included, the book is now $9.98. For the time being, the book can be viewed and purchased in paperback at the following link: http://www.lulu.com/shop/craig-rozniecki/lol-at-the-gop-volume-5-you-cant-spell-forgot-to-take-their-crazy-pills-without-tea-party/paperback/product-21599805.html The book is also available in the Kindle format for $2.99 at the following link: http://www.amazon.com/LOL-GOP-Volume-Forgot-Without-ebook/dp/B00K27DBUW/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1398974049&sr=8-2&keywords=craig+rozniecki If you have any questions, feel free ask me by either commenting on this post or shooting me an e-mail at [email protected]. I'll do my best to answer any question you have as quickly as I can get around to it. 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