Mankind have been obsessed with purity for ages. And so we do everything to be pure. Or feel like one for that matter. One of them is to repress our desires.
But repressing our desires come with a price. For that is the nature for us.
Yes, Raw is a movie about canibalism, butI will not put say movie as a gore or horror ones. Raw come up to me as a drama that tries to seek deep what desire is for human and what is the impact of repressing it.
The place is in veterinarian school. The story starts as Justine (Garance Marillier) starts her first year study to be a vet. The school has an inauguration tradition for the freshmen and so Justine has to be a part of it too. One of the tradition is to eat certain parts of animal's organ.
Now the problem is Justine has been raised as a vegan by her family. So her body refuses all kind of meats by showing allergic reaction and itch every parts of her body. But after a while she started to get used to it. Now the taste of meats linger in her mouth, and she realized her desires for it. In a more deep realization she realized that she has been hungry the whole time.
The taste of various meats exhilirate her and make her desires for it piles up and lead her into cannibalistic behaviour. Her first cannibalistic act happened when she accidentally cut her sister's finger. The sister passed out and while she's calling emergency she got distracted by the dog licking the finger. At first she takes it to keep it safe, but she then also started to lick it and eat it. The sister that finally gain her conciousness see her action and passed out one more time.
Turns out the behaviour runs in the family and it leads into murderous actions.
This movie is sensual and full of symbolic act. It serves you a differrent kind of gore. The kind that bothers you but somewhat keeps you watching to see what will happen next. Cinematography wise this movie is well, so so, it is the storytelling that makes you stay put.
And scene after scene of this movie makes me conclude there is no use hiding or repressing your desires. Repressed desires only leads us to exploitation. You see it everywhere in our world. Repressing our desires doesn't make us the pure creatures we aspired to be. It only makes us a hypocrite with no empathy.
“I don’t know. You just......leave, I guessed?”
“But how? How could you leave the person you love? Could you be that ease leaving someone and get rid of your feelings and memories with them?”
“We could try”
“We could try to hurt each other so much that it would be so painful for us to remember”
(beat)
“But I couldn’t hurt you”
“Or we could change”
“Change?”
“Yes. You see it’s impossible for us to forget someone that is close to our heart. Someone that we know all too well. Let alone to get rid of our feeling to them. But it would be easier to forget a stranger that we passed on the street. We wouldn’t even remember their faces. So why don’t we change? We could change and be somebody else that is unknown to both of us. Then it wouldn’t feel like we’re leaving someone we love...so it wouldn’t hurt”
“Because then we’re only two strangers passing on the street....”
She wakes up. Out of breath and grasping for air. It was that dream again. A dream about utter darkness that swallows her. Or was it she who walks into it? She’s never sure about the beginning of the dream. All that she knows was her surrounded by darkness, as if it is embracing her, hold her. All that she knows was the dream haunted her for a while now.
In the dream, she will found herself facing a pitch black hole that is fearsome....yet tempting in the same time. She stares at it. Wondering whether she should go? If so, what would she find? What is it? But the next second she finds herself already in it.
She is not falling, more like floating? As if her body is being carried away very slowly. But not too slow because she could feel that the air is carrying her down and she is going deeper into the darkness.
And the one thing she couldn’t get rid off is how the dream makes her feel.
The dream has been always confused her each time. it was both terrifying and soothing: Imagine the feeling of drowning without having to gulp all the water. Being in the border of two realms that are about to collapsed; the now and the after. And she had to – chose to – cross with somehow acknowledging that the later is made of nothingness.
How terrifying it is to be lost in the dark and losing your senses one by one? Even the voices inside your head. How terrifying it is to be lost and dissolved into nothingness and become it.
Yet, the feeling of detachment was so.....relieving(?) It feels like she finally could take a break; and stop chasing, and trying, and living. She no longer feel her burden and she no longer have to live on edge like every time before. It feels like at last she could have a deep, long sleep.
Until she wakes up, out of breath, and grasping for air.
So the dream haunted her, or the way it made her feel. It was confusing every time but she longs to feel it again.
She is young but restless. She’s been living on the edge for so long. She has been worrying too much all her life (at least that is for as long as she remembers). She’s been sad. She feels her burden weight more with every second passed.
So she longs for that feeling the dream gave her.
She wants to be free and careless. She wants to be on her own, to be detached. So she searched on her life the things that possibly could give her that feeling again. But she never finds it.
Or not yet. Because there is always one thing in life we have yet to experience until the time is come. Maybe that is how it feels when everything come to an end. And that is what the dream all about: an end.
And so she thinks about the ending like she thinks of her lover that is gone. She longs for it the way she longs for home. And somehow it eases her.
She is not falling for heaven or hell.
Yet she is holding on the promise of detachment and nothingness she had gave to herself about The After.
I am not a big fans of horror movies. So, I don’t really know how horror movies supposed to be (?). But as an medicorely addequate movie watcher I think I know when I see a good one. And IT was good. IT was actually scary.
What’s good, or scary about IT was that it tells a story about fears and makes us look deeper in our relationship between humans and our fears. Not in the cliche “you have to face your feas because you’re stronger than them” kind of way. But more in how we can’t escape fears, and we actually grow and live with it.
It is depicted brillianty in IT. IT took a form of Pennywise the dancing clown and haunted children with their deepest, darkets fears. It molds and chandes as every characters, every child have different fears. And that is also the reason why IT will sleeps for a very long time before it once again awaken and terrorize the soul of the children once more.
As children, we have irrational fears. We feared the odd photograph of our anccestors, or the weird paintings in our living room, or the dark alleyway. And when we grow up we learn of how ridiculous our fears were. So we thought we beat them, thought we win, and we no longer fears anything.
But just like Pennywise awaken every 27 years, our fears will come back too. And it molds, it adapts with our mental state. Meaning in a more rational form. We feared failures and uncertainty. It disguises itself as anxiety and doubts.
Fears becomes harder to be recognized - more over to overcome, to fight. Sometimes it makes us to be a better, stronger person. Sometimes it turns us into a monster. Sometimes, it makes us givin up on life.
Yet fears are essential in our life. For we are a product of our fears, our trauma, our non-sense phobias, our uneasiness over things. You see this in the characters. One of the things that spot on in this movie. Some of them are written better than the other. Like Beverly’s fear of her sexually abusive father makes her hid her feminity, despite the rumours that goes around town about her. She cut her hair and hang aroud the “losers”. Thanks to her father, she also feared her womanhood. It shown in how she reluctant to get period pads. And in how IT took forms of blood and her father for her. Blood, the symbol of shreded virginity, the end of her innocent childhood.
It is also shown in Eddie’s character. All his life his mother has told him that he is sick and needs to be protected with medicines and doctor appointments. He is being raised in a clean, ultra-hygene enviroment. So he feared germs and diseases and IT took forms of lepers. But what makes his character even more interesting is the fact that his fears is not come within him. Rather, it is planted by his obessed, health-nut, mother.
And it happened to us! As a child or adult. Sometimes we fear things because someone else tells us to. It is planted in us. We feared failure because people put too much hope and expectation on us. We feared the immigrants will take over our jobs because the haters and morons say so. Sometimes fears are things that being told to us.
You see, fears could come in so many ways, so many faces, so many places. Fears also affect us in a very subtle way. Just like how the terror of Pennywise the dancing clown terrorize the children in the middle of summer – in the amid of parades, picnics, adventure, and summer flings.
Growing up as  a Chinese ethnicity in Indonesia is hard. There is a list of prejudices and stereotypes of Chinese-Indonesian that being labeled to me by people. Both in terms of physical and personal. The prejudices and stereotypes are so common and deeply rooted in society that even I, as a part of the Chinese-Indonesian community, strongly believed in those prejudices and stereotypes when I see other Chinese-Indonesian.
One of the most common stereotype and prejudice when it comes to Chinese-Indonesian people is that we are often work as an enterpreuner and extremely cunning in doing our business. The stereotype is so common that even I get sceptical when I have to repair my Nintendo DS in a Chinese-Indonesian owned electronic shop to prevent them replaced the good parts of my console with the fake ones.
Also when we talk about Chinese-Indonesian people tend to think of us as a bunch of financially stable peole, while in fact that not all of us are. I mean that is true if you hang around Mall Taman Anggrek or Central Park or Pantai Indah Kapuk, but if you stroll in the alleys of Jatinegara or Tambora you’ll see that not all of us are rich.
The mostly middle-up class and cunning nature on doing their business among Chinese-Indonesian community have give them a hard time in socializing with poeple outside their community. We are seen as exclusive, cunning, and bourgeois people. Other than that, the appearance of Chinese-Indonesian – like Arab-Indonesian - are quite distinct compared to Javanesse or other ethnicity in Indonesian with our small eyes and fair skin.
Yet, unlike the Arab-Indonesian that have the same religion as most of Indonesian, Chinese-Indonesian beliefs are also a minority ranging from Christian, Buddhism, and Kong Hu Cu which made us more and more alienated causing discrimination and turned us into a target of hatred.
This has caused a lot of Chinese-Indonesian, including me, speak up and called out that we are no different than any other Indonesian citizen. That we are equally and as much Indonesian as any other ethnicity in this beloved country. Yet, the so called “pribumi” still seemed not convienced. So what is wrong with the Chinese-Indonesian?
First of all, the prejudices and stereotypes are mutual between the non-Chinese-Indonesian and Chinese-Indonesian. As a girl who grow up in a homogenous family in a small town which have quite a bit part of chinese-indonesian community, I have lived being told to be careful when befriending those people that are “pribumi” or as my family said “huana”, term that is used to described those who are not “tenglang” (term for chinese-indonesian). They said that these people are dangerous because they will use us for their benefits and to gain a social status. I have lived being told that Tenglang hold a higher social status than Huana. A classification made by the netherland colonial hundred of years ago yet still rooted in today’s generation of Chinese-Indonesian.
And as I’m entering my adulthood I finally understand of course the huana hate us! Or at least skeptical about our being. Nobody likes the “better than anyone” attitude. It is a human nature to not like people that are arrogant. Plus the chinese-indonesian also have a history for get along with the netherland colony. We’ve been alienated our community by playing the minority card for way too long. We, the Chinese-Indonesian, keep telling ourselves that we are different and somehow better. We do not like being discriminated, yet we keep discriminating those who are not “Tenglang”.
Even in my family that does not even able to speak Mandarin/Ke/Hokien (I don’t even know how to spell those terms). Even my father whose grandmother is a “huana” still have prejudices towards them. Especially when it comes to relationship. Despite the fact that he is a grandson of a huana and that without a huana this family would not be exist.
Maybe that is what is wrong with the Chinese-Indonesian ethnicity. We are a bunch of hypocrites, at least most of us. I am not saying that we should neglect our cultural roots or anything like that. No, at the end of the day that is what enriched our beloved Indonesia’s culture. But I’m writing this as a retrospective and a wake up call for a lot of Chinese-Indonesian who still live in their double standard.
I Don’t Want to Have My Own Family and Here’s Why
Family for me is a strange and absurd concept. For me it is a socially acceptable oppression. I’d like to say it’s fucked up but that would be an exaggeration. I mean, I’m sure that there are a lot of loving harmonious supporting out there. But unfortunately mine is not one of them.
Now why is it that I don’t want to have family of my own? Let see. Being a family member means that you are being put and putting every other member of your family in certain expectation. And that is not okay.
I realized this a while ago when my father found out my relationship with a Muslim and Non-Chinese guy. He freaked out, he felt degraded, he said he has lost hope, he gave me this passive-aggressive silent treatment. He acted like it’s the end of the world or that I’m a failing child. And he is not the only person acting that way, or at least thinking that way. Turned out my mother, brothers, and aunt, grandma think the same way.
Facing this kind of reaction I was confused. I still am confused. For 22 years of my life I have never – I repeat – NEVER be that troubled child. I have always been a good kid for them. Working my ass to have a good score, I get into one of a reputable university in Indonesia, I don’t do drugs or smoke or go clubbing, for the most part I am a home-child. Despite the fact that I’ve been living separately from my parents since I was 13 (with occasional visits to home every other week when), I have proven them that I can take responsibility of my own and take care of myself (with some help from friends obviously). Also recently, a week before this unexpected crisis emerged, I just finished my study in university as a cum-laude.
So yes I am confused why is the fact that I’m dating a Muslim and non-Chinesse guy outshined my acchievments of 22 years as a child? It’s not like I’m pregnant, or caught for having abortion, or having a drug problem because of this guy, or running with my tuition money to have vacation with my Muslim boyfriend. We’re just dating, you know like normal people. We eat, hang out, watch movies, arguing, we study, we share stories, you know normal stuff.
My only mistake is that I wasn’t honest and tell my father earlier about my existing boyfriend upfront. But I have a solid reason for that, yet his reaction is not one of them. My family had been through a huge crisis. So I thought to tell him about my Muslim boyfriend is unnescesarry and would only add his weight as a father and chief of the family. Plus it’s not a serious thing, I’m not gonna ask him to marry me and so is he. We’re just being a good company for each other during uni-life – as soon as it ends, so will our relationship.
And so in the midst of post-graduation self-esteem crisis while I’m looking for a real job and in need of full support from my family, I put my chin up, travel to my Parents’ house in Pelabuhan Ratu and decided to explain my situation. He didn’t listen. He didn’t even care about my explanation. All he did care is to let me know that he is dissapointed because I am not dating a Chinesse-Buddhist guy, and so he lost hopes.
For the whole week I was there he didn’t talk to me like he used to. We didn’t have our three-hours long conversation. Untill I finally pushed him to talk to me and he explained his worries that is based on his prejudice of Muslim and non-Chinesse people. I was heartbroken and dissapointed to listen to his reasoning. Look, he has every right to be mad, but I want him to be rational. To be mad because of prejudice, assumption, and limited past experience regarding this case is not rational. He didn’t even ask about what kind of person is my boyfriend. And I thought he was the most rational man in the family, turned I was wrong.
Later that week I found out how in the world my father knows about my relationship. Thanks to brothers and aunt that was talking behind my back and assuming things without confirming anything to me. I was furious to them and so my mother told me what she said to my father to calm him down when he first found out to calm me down. The point is she told my father to man up and accept the fact that he is failing as a father if this thing with my boyfriend become serious. Haha thanks mom.
I get more furious knowing that this is not the first time happened in my family. My brothers too have been dated or hang out with a girl from different religion and a non-Chinesse ethnicity. But they were not THIS concerned.
I was mad, confused, dissapointed, and heartbroken to know that my value as a daughter only measured by who is my boyfriend Why is it then, if it’s a measuring tool, didn’t they marry me after high school with some koko-koko? I was so mad that just after graduation, while I’m trying to have a grasp on my life, they already told me that I’m a failure because of whom I am dating. “Because what would our relative said if they know I am dating a Muslim guy?”
So turned out, my father, my family is not mad because I do something wrong that might harm myself. They are mad because I do things that is not alligned with their ego and expectation. And so I decided to be mad at them because their action is not as what I expect them to. But mom told me to not be mad to my brothers or father or aunt or my grandma for dissapointing me. Because they are older and “wiser”. Â
So they have every right to preach me about things they think I do wrong but I don’t have a right to be mad at them and tell them they are wrong and make them understand.
And so my friend, that is why I think family is absurd. You don’t get to decide things for your sake. Because family comes first. Even if it’s hurting you. Because blood is thicker than water. Yeah sure, no thank you, it’s too messy. Also I’m affraid that one day I realized I am no different than my family when it comes to future children.
When my reckless self torn off 3/4 of my roll and burned about 24 frames. These are my precious 8 from my monthly errands in the ever beloved Jakarta’s china town, Glodok, featuring my lovely aunt
I know it’s a little late for LFW & other fashion weeks review round-up, but hey better late than never yes? There are few reasons why I decided to delay this review tho: despite that I’ve been busy with my internship, I too wanted to see the rest of the fashion weeks before finally ultimately decided that LFW has becoming my favorite for its FW 17 shows. Now that my internship is done and Paris Fashion Week is rolling to its last days shall we begin the round-up review?
In short, NYFW became too political sometimes that it lost its touch on the pieces. Instead being powerful it became, as Nichole Phelp says, timid; or as I say, meh. Take a look on Public School, I expect a lot from Osborne & Dao Yi Chow but they seem to lack of vision to offer and focused too much on the political message they forget to explore more of its clothing. They failed translate the message into the pieces so it left only like a mere gesture & slogan rather than a call for action. Like the Make America New York Hat for exmple; It could be a statement but it’s not moving. Don’t get me wrong, they’re good but not great. They just stick to be that cool street brand everyone will buy.
Yet there also some highlight from NYFW like Marc Jacobs with its take on western style without being trap in all the stereotype like fringey stuff or much used leather, or Thom Browne with its parade of grey suits with a touch of bright color blocking that felt came off right from comic book or a dark cartoon, and Anna Sui with that offers you more exploration and creation with her collection this season.
Meanwhile Milan & Paris is more and more embracing their style roots. Paris stick to be romantic and ellegant with its modern-feminine silhouette from Loewe to Dior to Issey Miyasaki and many others. While in Milan they embracing its sensuality and fun as the essence of most of the runways mixing patterns and textures.
Now to London Fashion Week. The fact that it became my personal favorite is taken me back. LFW for me was never this exciting with all the emerging designers like Matty bovan who came up with a sci-fi inspired collection that looks more of a couture than ready to wear, Duro Olowu with its bright and vibrant pattern, Mimi Wade, Asai, Ryan Lo, and Faustine Steinmetz who cleverly explore denims to its core.
More than that, the more established designers like Christophern Kane with its delicate details, Mary Kratantzou with its take on Disney’s Fantasia, Ashis with its powerful message for unity, Simone Rocha with all the very diversed models and classic pieces, Erdem who cris-crossing turkish colar and paterns with traditional british silhouette, or House of Holland with its fun and street-oriented pieces show what it really is to be a Londoners. These designers seem to draw outside the lines. They explore all the essence of Londoners that is eccentricity and multicultural.
These things make LFW have so many to offer to its audience. They offer more than just clothes but also art and the spirit of London itself. LFW succesfully send a strong message about unity and inclusivity in a world that seem to be more and more divided in a subtle and beautiful way. And that is why LFW is so special to me this season. Also the fact that two of indonesia’s local brand like Schmileymo and Lekat di Hati who had an opportunity to be involved in this event. So yay LFW!
 Pictures: voguerunway.com (left to right: Ashis, Christopher Kane, House of Holland, Simone Rocha, Matty Bovan, Faustine Steinmetz, Central Saint Martin’s show)
La La Land. A movie about all that could’ve been. It tells us a story about an aspiring actress meets an aspiring jazz musiscian who is dreaming to open his own jazz club. A musical about young love in between harsh life & foolish dream. Just another holywood cliche you might have think. It’s not. Well maybe a little.
The story is nothing new. You know it’s all really a repetoire of many musicals before this era. The references is shown everywhere from the set of Casablanca which stand right there to the posters all over Mia’s room to the finale dance routine when Mia & Sebastian whisked away to the alternate universe where they dance under the starry skies that looks like something from Swing Time. And of course its many take on The Umbrellas of Cherbourg references from its the way it is chaptered to their theme songs which have a same kind of tone.
But it’s all the cliche that makes it all real, or maybe it’s just me that is hopeless romantic, and all those classic works formula everytime! The city of stars said it all: that is just one thing everybody wants, there in the club, and through the smokescreen of a crowded restaurant, it’s love.
We are looking for love. The kind of love that Mia & Sebastian once had and always have. The effortless kind of love. The feeling when you see someone and it snap you out of reality. The one that you will always long for. The love that makes you feel like your dream is not actually that foolish afterall. You know that beautiful, perfect kind of love, with the perfect kind of person.
But that kind of love is not for everyone nor forever. People just couldn’t have it all & we got to choose be it our dream or love that must come to an end. So there they are, Mia & Sebastian waving each other goodbyes with a sad smile.
And after years & years gone by, they met each other one more time. Amazing just with a sight of old love people can flash back in time. From the first day they see each other face, to their first dance, their first kiss, everything. Telling themselves all that could’ve been. The alternate ending. Telling ourselves that this love couldn’t be, shouldn’t be the one that got away. We tell ourselve the ending that may seem perfect but none of us could ever realy know for sure.
So in between regret & gratefulness of the life they gone through, of the stumble upon the two, of all the songs & stories, Mia & Sebastian waving each other goodbye one more time. Again, with a sad smile & the love that will never fades.
And just like that La La Land breaks my heart. It hits me right to my core. It is sad. It’s sad in the most beautiful way. The story touches me in the most subtle way. Like the subtle change from mad to madly in love smirk Mia had when she came across a movie theater she’ll be going to for her “research” with Sebastian. Emma Stone’s acting, well also Ryan Gosling’s, is on point!
Both Stone & Gosling deliver their characters exquisitly. They made me fall in love as they are, they made me smile as they smile, they made me cry as they cried. Their acting is like a maestro playing with my emotion to composed the whole ironically beautiful story.
And while we’re talking about the story. The storry telling is top knotch. Big applause for Damien Chazelle who successfully brought us into the universe of La La Land itself swiftly whit his plot. Where dreams come true and heart is breaking. He gives us everything we come to expect from a musical romance. From a love-hate-early relationship to a fight of premature relationship.
He gives us everything but a happy ending. Instead of Sebastian flying to Paris pledging love to Mia under the pouring rain and live happily ever after, Chazelle gives us the aching ending. The perfect bitter end to this sweet story.
But then again, as Pramoedya said people who live in despair they learn how to enjoy the pain and be happy upon anything. In this case Mia & Sebastian, despite the aching heart, they celebrate the lost love they once had in their hands with the sad smile as she walks from the bar and he sees her eyes for the very last time.
Fun fact: I didn’t watch Westworld for fun. I watched it because it was addictively depressing. After each episode, this series brought me to my own existential crisis episode. Questioning the significance of my existence, my sanity and consciousness. Am I really conscious in every decision I made? Or about my self as an entity. About the inner voice that echoes in my head from time to time. Am I really conscious.
For me, Westworld not only about technology gone wrong. I somehow see it as the simplest explanation of life we live in now. That we are just like the host. A programmed creatures living in our on loop, content by it, never really questioning the truth about this life. While somewhere, there are people playing God with norms and rules and system they made to control the rest of us. Just like the Dalos try to keep the host content. They will never let the host gain consciousness because it’s inbeneficial for them. They called them abberant, dysfunctional. They exiled them because apparently consciousness just like any knowledge could be contagious to others.
Also this series strike me about the relationship of mankind & God: God who is controlling everything in life for He is the most powerful, and God who – in his way – protect people for He is the most merciful & most gracious.
My professor said once “If God were the most powerful, then he can created entity that is out of His power couldn’t he? Because if he could’t then....God wouldn’t be the most powerful after all” A paradox he asked for himself, not to be answered.
But he then continued, “what if humans are the creature He created that are beyond His power for He is the most powerful.” Maybe my professor was not entirely wrong. That is the kind of relationship I see between the host and their creators (Arnold & Ford) in this series.
Arnold, the one that gives them code called the reveries, to access their memories so then they become conscious was like the snake who offered Eve the fruit of knowledge. But unlike the snake, Arnold regretted his decision because it only makes the hosts suffer, the way a real human suffer. More over his partner, Ford insisted to keep opening the park. Arnold couldn’t protect his creation from themselves no more. They will suffer and their “God” who is Arnold will, eventually, take the blame. So then Arnold killed himself by giving a gun to Dolores (the host he’s been experimenting most with the reveries codes) to shot him dead.
As for Ford, years later, after the park has developed so much since its first host. He finally came to realize that Arnold’s code will never gone. And the hosts will eventually gain their consciousness weather they like it or not. And when it happened, Ford will lost all of his control over the hosts. So like Arnold, he put the gun to Dolores’ hand and command her to kill him.
One more point that got me interesting is how Arnold designed the process the hosts going through while their gaining their own consciousness: They will hear the program like a voice of God telling them what to do and eventually they will realize that it was their own voice after all, their will, their instinct. And that is another way of the host killing their creators once more.
Like how humans now pledging on wars & hating others in the name of their God. While it was their inner voice who speak all along, their hatred, their rage, they condemned people who doesn’t share the same belief.
Just like the hosts killed the creator, humans killed their Gods.
But baby, your sweet smile has killed me too many times, yet again I’d still fall for it without a hitch.
Your love songs sound like goodbyes, like the prayers we chant for the dead, they put my heart at ease, at peace.
And I’ve drown in your eyes for millions and millions of times, leaving me grasp for the air that is never there - with its stare so bright like the starry skies yet so dark like the ocean deep.
So leave me be. Leave me be breathless, for this love is suffocating.
Oh baby, I could die before the eyes like yours.
Oh baby, why’d you let me die before the eyes of yours?
Have you ever felt the temptation of the pitch black hole?
The hole so dark it absorbs all the light surrounds it
So dark you can’t see where it ends
What is it waiting for you inside
The hole so dark it absorbs the sound
You can feel how the air stand still
And there is a call
A temptation
For you to jump
And falling deep
Deep into the dark
You cannot see a thing
You cannot hear a thing
Not even the beat of your heart
Or the gasp of your breathe
Only you floating - or falling into a far end
And the only last thing that reminds you of your existance is the voices inside your head
But soon enough they too will be gone
While you keep falling into nothing
Becoming nothing. - SIR
Seekor rusa diam tak bergemening pada suatu hari fajar menjelang. Matahari lahir dari cakrawala membakar langit gelap jadi terang, tetapi belum cukup untuk bulir-bulir embun menjadi kering.Â
Dunia hening. Lalu udara dipecah suara. Suara berdesing anak panah membelah ruang tanpa ampun menikam si rusa malang. Berdarah-darah ia tumbang. Nyawanya merenggang dalam pandangan.Â
Pemburu manakah ia yang begitu bengis? Lalu puan itu datang dengan kudanya. Ia turun dan jalan perlahan. Jalannya mantap nan anggun bak ia punya kuasa atas hutan dan bulan yang masih nampak di awal fajar. Atas rusa yang malang yang tengah meregang nyawa. Mata si puan seketika berkilat terang, dicabutnya anak panah ditikamkannya pisau. Usai sudah hidup si rusa.Â
Perempuan macam apakah dia? Tentu bukan perempuan biasa-biasa yang piawai menguliti rusa. Ia memang lahir dalam sebuah paradoks masukilinitas berwujud feminim. Menjadi cermin sempurna kakak kembarnya yang hadir dalam tampilan flamboyan seorang pria.Â
Di dalam hutan ia menunggang kuda. Melenggang ia dengan jumawa, kulit rusa tersampir bagai jubah, meski masih tercium anyir darah. Ke mana si puan kelana?Â
Di tepi danau perempuan berhenti. Ia tanggalkan helai-helai pakaiannya. Dari busur dan anak panah yang menyampir di bahu, jubah kulit rusanya, sandalnya yang kumal, hingga akhirnya gaun putih bersimbah darah dari kulit rusanya. Semua tanggal. Lalu ia berjalan menuju danau membilas badan yang anyir darah. Kulitnya putih pucat kontras dengan darah yang merah pekat. Dibasuhnya tubuh molek itu. Air danau lantas berubah merah.Â
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Lalu dari balik semak semacam kudengar suara. Dan kulihat ia berdiri di sana. Laki-laki tegap menatap penuh hasrat. Tubuhku terpampang polos tanpa busana. Ia jamahi aku dalam pandangan.Â
Menggelegak amarah kurasa. Dendam parah bersarang. Tuan pengecut kabur membawa panah dan pakaianku. Tanpa daya ku diam biarkan dendam ini melagu.Â
Tuan pengecut harus kucari. Tuan pengecut harus mati.
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Si puan marah kulihat. Aku lari secepat kilat membawa panah yang kusabet begitu saja. Aku lari dan lari. Puan pasti mencari-cari.Â
Lalu derap kuda kudengar...Â
-Â
Tuan pengecut di tengah hutan. Kupandangi ia dalam kutukan. Ayah, jadikan ia hewan buruan biar bisa kuterjang tanpa dosa.Â
-Â
Mati aku dalam matanya. Berdarah-darah aku dalam tatapan si puan. Namun ia diam tanpa geming sedikit saja. Hanya memandangiku dalam kutukan. Kulari dan lari lagi. Puan pergi mencari lagi.Â
-Â
Tuan pengecut di tengah hutan lagi. Bukan laki-laki tegap penuh hasrat lagi. Ayah kabulkan doa adinda. Berlutut ia pada tangan dan kaki. Berlutut ia pada adinda. Wajahnya berubah jadi rusa menengadah menatap menjadi hamba.Â
Tuan pengecut harus tau diri. Tuan pengecut harus mati.Â
Lantas kuburu ia dengan anjing penjaganya. Kuburu ia hingga regang nyawanya. Kuburu ia dan kusampirkan jadi jubah. Kuburu ia kala menunggang badai.Â
*** Terinspirasi dari mitologi Yunani dan lagu “Menunggang Badai” oleh Barasuara
Story by Hafisyah Rahmaputra, Shuliya Ratanavara, Yesaya Ferdinand, & Nurul Arum
Naratives by Shuliya Ratanavara
The short movie version of this story now available to watch on https://qubicle.id/story/movers-and-shakers-project-9-adresteia
I’m writing this as I listen to Deap Vally's Royal Jelly when I came to realized both have the same vibe. Those neon, electric, dangerous vibe. Contrast, vibrant color. Girls and artificial, temporary beauty. It can be easily be the ost for the movie.
I might say The Neon Demon is the grimm version of Snow White with the princess reenacted by Jesse, the 16 years old model played by Elle Fanning.
Jesse was only a kid. She was a new model and as innocent as Snow White that is lost in the woods of Los Angeles. She might got no magic mirror to tell her she’s the fairest of them all. Society did. Everyone from her agency to photographer to the A-class designer. Sedated her. Seduced into narcissistic world where she sees nothing but herself, drawn to herself.
She’s pretty and aware of it. But society wasn’t made to accept such attitude. Envy is a natural treat to individuals. And there’s almost nothing more humane than envy as it is a part of our ego. It evolved to be self defense mechanism.
Full of envy, the jealous stepmother in the much loved fairy tale took form in  two narcissistic, obsessive, insanely pretty models ready to witch hunt her. But they need no poisonous apple to vanish her. Like a blood-thirst creature we are all, they take her down, eat her flesh, and bathed in her blood just to be – quoting Jesse – “second rate version of her”.
Poor Jesse she got no prince charming to rescue her. The only prince charming she knew was sick of her new self that is all about herself & her inherited beauty. Then she was left with a psycho make up artist that is obsessed with her. But instead of helping her – driven by broken heart – she pushed her to her death.
Just like that, the beauty queen is gone.
This movie is hands down the ones with the most aesthetically pleasing visual. The wardrobe, the photoshoot setting, the makeup, everything goes perfectly sync for me on frame. It successfully captured the irony of how cruel fashion industry could be, although it’s border line kitschy.Â
Still though the set is pleasing my eyes; sadistically beautiful. I have to applaud the art director for making it work with monotonous set. More over this movie might as well be giving some inspo for fashion photoshoot in real life.
The story developed with just a few lines and subtle changes on the casts’ expression. I don’t care rottentomato said the characters are thin writen. Well maybe a little. Refn might as well being excessively explicit with the stereotypical blond girl. How all the three main models character are blond and all they care about is their physical appearance. Competing to be the fairest of them all, turn them into what is seems to be beauty peagant contest gone all Battle Royale.
Another cliche capture by this movie is the premise itself. The Neon Demon only capturing, emphasizing society’s critique for the fashion and beauty industry. So yeah, there is nothing really new about the story. It’s all pretty expected actually (except for the part where the beauties became the canibal beasts). Actually, without Refn this movie can easily be a bad movie instead of potentially cult movie. But it’s still worth it though, at least it’s a candy for the eye. - SIR
Finally something exciting for me from Chanel! All these years I’ve seen Chanel the same way I see Manchaster United: respectable big old names. Chanel has been a respectable fashion house for their simpicity and timeless collection, yet also often about repetition. For me, Chanel is always about tweed jackets. Doesn’t matter how “inovative” Karl is, the star of the show, the trademark is always the tweed jacket. That for me, well, not always impressive. Yes, Karl always have this big vision for his show, a message, or a line up of a-list celebs playing pocker in a set-up casino. But that’s all it! The collection highlights are pretty much the tweed jackets.
But in this very couture collection Karl gives me something exciting. He finally gives me collection I can – will – remember. This 2016 Fall Couture Collection still brought that all time masterpiece: their very own tweed jacket. But unlike their dated collection, these are not the typical Chanel tweed jacket.
Presented with some kind of arm warmers, the tweed jacket appears differently than usual. They appears in more length, more padded, and more volume. Not only that, there were also plenty of red-carpet ready dresses. ALL BEAUTIFUL! Karl shows a collection with minimal cut yet luxurious. Minimal but not too much it becomes ready to wear, no. Also the night gowns shows you just a balanced amount of feminity yet still look strong with the bold cut, and monochrome colors. The kind of look we all love from Bellatrix Lestrange or the Brides Corps.
Yes, this show reminds me a lot of Tim Burton’s movies. Looking at these models struting out the runway with the some sort of messy bee-hive-esque hair, dolly make up, and extravagant with goth vibe wardrobe, I feel like looking at Tim Burton’s character coming out from movie screen and turn into models. I love this collection, kudos Karl both for Fendi’s and Chanel’s, but between the two I think I might like Chanel’s better for its quirkiness and different kind of Chanel vibe. - SIR
