She's little doubt they question her intentions , and even less that those around them resent her for carrying out what seems to be a cruel game . A god's first devotee will not take to heart the denial of nonbelievers , and she will not take to heart their scorn . She's little interest in what others think of her , no care for the contempt they may view her with . To the masses , she is already too far gone , driven mad by the endless pursuit of an answer no man deserves to know the answer to . To them ...
To them , she need not ascend to an Aeon to worship , nor carve a new path amongst the stars for them to follow . Stelle , without an inkling of doubt , has regarded Ruan Mei with nothing but adoration . Admiration unending , showering with affections she had long deemed herself unmoved by .
Now , with their head buried within her lap , cheeks burning against the skin teeth mark without care , her own theory had proved debunked .
' Of course . ' Hissed between a breath , her grip on them never ceases . She continues as if they do not evoke a lust within her core through every mark they leave , as if they are not injecting the very toxin of obsession that serves to drive her curiosity ever forward . ' Your answer may change . If not now , then ... perhaps one day . '
& through the whispers work to mask it , though the air 'round grows thick with their shared breaths , it does not conceal the hint of sorrowful acceptance laced within her words . She has grown hungry as they have , raising no protest as they pull her daringly close , lips mere inches from taking what they both crave . The question may be pointless , may simply fill the silence , drown out the groans that dare escape her as staggered percussion to this song they sing .
But it is not without its meaning , for everything she wants to say , everything she wants to hear could so easily be communicated within this voracious dance . Redundant to sing their praise once more , perhaps , but the comfort she finds within their voice , within their reassurance , is indescribable . Emotions she had long neglected , deemed unworthy to indulge with the cosmos clouding her vision , felt safe to experiment with . Though they may not realize , Ruan Mei finds herself to be the guinea pig ; Stelle , the controlled variable .
That's part of the problem , isn't it ? She's yet to voice her own intentions , leaving nothing more than crumbs for Stelle to haphazardly piece together . No matter how they may try , it is impossible to bring the entire picture into frame . They cannot know the upheaval within her mind , and when they last tried to unravel the threads of her heart ... she was not satisfied with her own answers .
It was ... not until Amphoreus that absence allowed her to thoroughly examine her heart ; how it ached without their comfort , how it preemptively mourned them when Herta shared that they may not return . They wanted her true feelings , an answer without conditionals , and she had doubted her ability to provide that . Everyone believed her incapable , she herself doubted the possibility that she may ever feel the love so many coveted . Content with solitude , she did not want . When the nights grew cold , she did not fantasize at the warmth of another .
An unfamiliar anxiety swirls within as she listens carefully , focusing as intently as possible while they leave their mark upon her , paint her in crimson and purple she will regard fondly .
' Twisted ... ' She chews at the words , hopes that with enough effort , she may bite away the negative connotation such a word brings . And for a moment , she is agony , swimming with resentment for a past self that was so oblivious to the knowledge she had denied herself . Ruan Mei had concluded long ago that emotions would only weigh upon a logical mind , drive them mad when the universe did not bend to their whims . Many geniuses , within and outside of the society , have acted too carelessly on anger , jealousy , addictions .
One day she may do the same . Human temptations seemed likely to only increase this chance , but the probability does not rise with Stelle . It falls .
Without a breath , another question follows , rushed as she anticipates whatever truth may come . Should their distant acquaintance hear Stelle's answer , they , too , will have an answer to the inquiry she's danced 'round .
' Love . Are you in love with me , Stelle ? '
