Rudie’s Diary

Collector of digital diamonds and unlikely friendships. Dive into the weird and wonderful world of my mind. 27. She/her/hers

[rub1es-diary]

New Year’s Resolutions for 2025

General

1. Try and go to bed each night no later than 11:30

2. Read five books

3. Work out once a week consistently for more than two months

Hobby

1. FINISH MY DAMN NOVEL. A DRAFT!!!! If you MUST!

2. Stop being a coward and release all my fan fictions

3. Write something for thirty minutes every day

Career

1. Stop caring too much about shit beyond my control.

2. Disengage with instigators and provoking people and their damn children.

3. Leave the bad vibes at work and come home to feeling safe

“Glow up” (idk what to categorize this as)

1. Get my damn ears pierced. And yes! At my big age they still aren’t

2. Get a tattoo… (picture ideas below)

3. Get my mermaid hair back and actually care for it better this time.

Below- song lyrics from Gypsy by Fleetwood Mac- “ I have no fear” on left fore arm and “I have only love” on my right fore arm

Idk who did this beautiful lady with the moon but ily. No clue where to put it. Ideas appreciated! I worry about it being seen at work.

Sun & moon for my husband and I. He’s the sun bc I love him on the cloudiest of days (seasonal depression) and the moon for me because he loves me in all my phases (anxiety & PMDD survivor)

[dailycatsblog]

[petewentz-]

It's fun being queer and weird and unconventional until you remember you live in a society

[rub1es-diary]

When I was in second grade, I went down to San Diego with my parents for the summer. I became fascinated with these large seashells a few men had at the beach. They had work clothes on but were drenched head to toe. They were sitting in the sand, cutting up large muscles and clams and eating them with a pack of crackers one of them had in their bags. They were my father’s age.

But my little mind was in awe of how large the shells were. I just zeroed in on them and watched on curiously. One of the men took notice of this and offered me a shell after rinsing it in the water. He spoke to me in Spanish. At the time, I didn’t know the language, but I knew he meant well. I thanked him excitedly and ran back to show my dad. My dad asked where I got them. The men seemed afraid of my father. He told me to go back with my mom.

The last thing I remember was that my dad gave them twenties each and hailed them a cab. There was a sweatshirt my dad was wearing prior to this that was off his back by the time we got back in the car. This beach was the nearest route many took to cross the border from Mexico. I now realize those three men had risked their lives to cross through the bay to a public beach, and risked their lives to go into deep tide pools during high tide for food because they didn’t have any money on them. I still have my large sea shells. I wonder if they had daughters my age. I wonder if they missed them, and that’s why they gave me their shells. I wonder if they still kept my dad’s shirt, and they found shelter that night.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I think of them. Every day in this country I grow angrier and more disgusted. There is nothing for me to celebrate this Fourth of July unless I know those men, as many wonderful people who come here for a better life, are able to live peacefully and to the fullest. That is what I wish for.

[rub1es-diary]

To the bonehead man thing that lives upstairs.

If you’re going to stay at home for one reason or another at least pretend to be a good parent instead of making your daughter feel bad for whimsy because you can’t regulate yourself without drugs. And I know you smoke when she’s inside the same apartment too. You need to stop making excuses and yelling the loudest when everyone knows you’re wrong. I wish your wife kept the welcome plant I gave her when yall first moved in. It would be far more helpful in that environment than you are now.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Today I saw a female peacock doing a feather display

Oh and this guy she was ignoring

[allthesepurplelights]

[royalblueheart]

what do you mean it’s a new week all over again? i just did this last week?

[depsidase]

[rub1es-diary]

In the summer of eighth grade I met a sweet boy named Jason in my summer art classes in the town next over from me. When everyone mocked me because my art wasn’t “accurate” he was always one who saw me for who I was and encouraged me. We became fast friends and he kissed me on the third floor of the art museum it was in. It was my first kiss and I was so overcome with emotional overload I broke down sobbing in my mom’s car after waving goodbye. My mom thought it was unwanted. I think that’s why I never came back to those classes. But I did. And I knew my parents wouldn’t let me be with him and I knew it was the last. I bawled my eyes out for that reason.

Sometimes that grief hits you in the middle of the night odd years later and it’s one of those nights.

Jason, if you find this, just know I’m sorry I never saw you again. You’ve made an everlasting memory in my little heart at that year and taught me the true purity of love and what it could mean. I am married now to a man who loves me so deeply for myself and my emotions. I wish you well. I hope AI hasn’t taken your love for art from you.

[rub1es-diary]

I miss having dreams about my original characters. I miss seeing their faces so clearly and how beautiful it was to talk to them. I miss them so fucking much.

[valtsv]

[rub1es-diary]

I’m kind of hating this “oh yeah so you gotta make a whole unit for lesson planning good luck with recording”…. Mf I’m off for two weeks.

“I hope you had a great weekend” I did until you messaged me you old hoe !!!!!!!

[seven-winged-liar]

hearing a beloved friend say the words 'can i be mean for a sec' is like watching an angel descend from the heavens and kiss you on the forehead

[rub1es-diary]

Reviews of recent hygiene products I have used part 2.

Bath and body works cherry magnesium body butter: 10/10. I love this stuff. The cherry note fragrance isn’t too sweet at all and the lotion is deeply moisturizing. I absolutely love the magnesium in this lotion and it’s helped me and my husband sleep well.

Yardley lavender bar soap: 8/10. This was an impulse buy I got last summer and never thought of until recently. It’s a nice powdery clean scent which I love but after a while the scent gets warped from use. It still gets the job done!

Jergen’s vanilla, almond, and brown sugar lotion: 9/10! I am not much of a gourmand lover but this lotion takes the cake. The brown sugar and almond notes show up first on me and I get complimented often when I wear it.

Olay shea butter body wash: 10/10. Idk how but this scent has become emotional support for me lately. It’s so soft and clean and pretty and I feel like I have my shit together even when I don’t!

Pantene smoothing Moroccan oil and rose shampoo and conditioner: 8/10. I got these in big bottles from Costco to save me money and higher end products have not been doing it for me for a long time. This helps my hair a lot and it’s just enough moisture for my curls. While I love the fragrance it does get a bit overwhelming

[homunculus-argument]

I know I'm not the first person to observe this, but banishment is a hell of a funny punishment. I now sentence you to fuck off. I don't care where, just get out of my sight. Go on. Git.

[rub1es-diary]

Starlit Grief

I figured you and death were strangers

We were mere faces on little mirrors

Reflecting the best in ourselves

As time moved forward, I found myself

Touching the glass to you less

You changed, you got sick

I still saw you as beautiful as your smile

Parasocial or not

Death has taken you and in my head

You’re happy captive, looking at the sunset on your wall playing

Your switch, cuddling your cat, and your husband

Now you’ve become one with the stars

That have guided you to the light

Good night, Star Princess.

*****************************************************

Wrote this for an online mutual who died of cancer a while ago. I didn’t even know she passed till it was too late. Grief is awful and fickle but I have to let myself feel it or else it will consume me like it has every woman in my bloodline. I miss her, and I feel sad I never said goodbye. Time is so precious.