the future is out there, but the present is here
do not go gentle into that good night.
for weeks now, i’ve been getting ask after ask, wondering what to do when you don’t get accepted into your dream school, what to do when your heart’s broken, what to do when you’re day or week or month is not working out, when your future is about as clear as mud.
to all of these, i never know what to say. i’m 17 years old, just barely accepted into my schools, stumbling through each day with heavy boots. every day is a different whirlwind, each day measurable by how much (or little) i’ve gotten done.
but i’m 17. seventeen years old, born in 1998. the days i’ve lived can still be measured out in a reasonable fashion. it’s not mindblowing. yet somehow, some way, i’m thinking about my future every. single. day. it’s not a mystery. every college, every billboard, every teacher or (semi-)adult tells us that once 18 hits, or graduation day approaches, the future becomes the present, life is ending.
but that is so far from the truth. the truth is, yeah, things will be screwed up. yeah, the future is messy, and confusing, and stressful. but it’s there, and it holds different, confusing, amazing, spectacular things that you can’t even imagine. in the wise words of one of my favorite episodes of New Girl, the messy parts are the best parts.
and yes, i’m seventeen. but in the last year, i’ve dated two people, i’ve moved houses, i’ve gathered some sort of idea of what career i cannot wait to have. i’ve become a barista, a captain, a girlfriend and an ex-girlfriend. I’ve made and shattered friendships.
every day is different. that’s obvious. every single day, you and i change. that’s also obvious. but it’s also amazing. who were you yesterday? who will you be tomorrow? we can answer one of those, and yeah, the answer to the latter can be terrifying, can be exciting, can be horrendous. but the smallest thing can change it all.
to answer the questions from before: i have no idea. each day is a battle for me for my own reasons, and i can never begin to grasp the extent of anyone else’s struggles.
but for me, the simplest things help to sort through the mess, because although the confusing parts can be the best parts, a little clarity is always appreciated. for me, that usually means tying my hair into funny looks, trying on funky, ridiculous outfits, lighting some candles and blasting “always you” by the vaccines, or “emily” by MIKA (check both out if you need a pickmeup. they truly help). it means binge-watching New Girl (Season 2 is a wild ride). it means going out, dicking around with my friends, drinking coca cola slushies from target and pointing at funny things and taking turns giggling “that’s you!” it means separating yourself from those thoughts shouting that the future needs you right away. it means living, rather than waiting. it means accepting that although future you is important, and valid, and worthy of a plan, so are you, right here, right now.
but those are my two cents.
rage, rage against the dying of the light.