distraught cat

welcome to my miserable/boring thoughts this is all about my life. get ready to yawn. why are you here

[runningfelipe]

Gradwaiting

Hmm, okay.. gradwaiting. Waiting to be unemployed? I hope not. It has been a swell four years of college life at Baste. Um.. i am fucking speechless. I’ve been through a fucking lot. Still thankful for the memories and experiences, good or bad. I did not expect this, i did not expect myself to be emotional about leaving Baste, leaving the people I used to hate. okay im getting too emotional. hindi pa kami nagppractice ng graduation, wala pang grad pic, and wala pang GAWAD S3bcom..  Today is March 22, 2019. Friday, watching Searching on Netflix. Fuck ill continue this post when i am ready.

[runningfelipe]

busy looking for a deactivate button in this life

[runningfelipe]

how to deactivate myself

[runningfelipe]

have you ever felt betrayed??

betrayed by someone whom you trusted so much, by someone you thought you can share secrets with. it fucking hurts so much, i shall never trust again. 

[runningfelipe]

i cant anymore

i dont know whyyyyy Lord please :[ 

[runningfelipe]

lesson:

dont tell secrets to ANYONE anymore, so tired of it

[runningfelipe]

I will never be enough for you. I hate myself

[runningfelipe]

Why

I dont want to feel this anymore. I want to stop it, but I can’t. I can feel nothing but pain and I fucking hate this. GOD WHY

[runningfelipe]

i feel so useless

until now, i dont know what my talent is

i wasnt blessed with high or even average intellect

i wasnt given any chance, now what

[runningfelipe]

am i cursed, im so tired

maybe i deserve all of this, i dont know

im just so tired

[runningfelipe]

nakakasawa na

ayoko na

how to end this misery

[runningfelipe]

what

what should i feel?

I am so confused

I am so miserable

I am so tired of all of these

I want to disappear

Why am I even alive

[runningfelipe]

I cant give up because I dont want to. Maybe I will get used to it, to this miserable situation. Im such a sucker, a loser, a fucking creep. I want to kill my heart, my feelings, my mind, me.

[runningfelipe]

I thought

I thought I can stop it. It turned out that I cannot. I really cannot. What’s with you? 

What have you done to me? Why am I feeling this? Youre making me suffer in my own mind. You did this to me. False hopes. You gave me wrong signs.. or maybe I misinterpreted it because I want it. I want the feeling of being loved. I want to feel some love. I want to experience love. I wanted you. I wanted everything about you. It’s my fault now. I assumed too much. I thought that it was the best for me. I thought that you will appreciate everything that I had done for you. Turned out that you can’t reciprocate the efforts, attention and love that I have given you. 

I am always waiting for you like a total turd. I am such a shame. I hate myself, I hate you. What’s with you? 

[runningfelipe]

admirer

I dont know how to reject a friend without hurting her feelings. 

I explained to you that I am not the kind of person who enjoys being in love.

“I am not into you.” I want to say this to you but I can’t. I dont want to hurt anyone’s feelings.. But am I already hurting you now? Now that I am not reciprocating that efforts and attentions that you’re giving me? 

Honey, I am the wrong person. 

[runningfelipe]

ICCS 2016 EdukCircle

loved it. 

even tho that my favorite celeb wasnt there. 

the feeling was so fulfilling. all love 

[runningfelipe]

Too much

I am rethinking my decisions in life... but sadly, i cant do anything to change it.

I am so tired. So worn out. I dont want this kind of “stress”. 

I have my academics, I still want to pass duh. 

I still have to deal with people. UGH I hate all of these.