Here’s the poster for my Melvin: The Movie. All 10 Chapters of the Movie Script are out now.
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@russlamp
Here’s the poster for my Melvin: The Movie. All 10 Chapters of the Movie Script are out now.
M:TM: Chapter 10: Welcome Back Piqua/Sucker For An Love Story/The End
EXT. PIQUA WASTELAND - CONTINUOUS
The ground is still dusty and bare where the city blocks used to be. A massive crowd of displaced Piqua citizens are gathered together, weeping, mourning the loss of their homes, their businesses, and their belongings.
Sitting on a pile of rubble, ITSIUS BITSIAN tries to soothe the crowd by playing a highly discordant, screeching melody on a silver alien clarinet.
[SFX: HIGH-PITCHED ALIEN SQUEAK-HONK!]
MS. PENNY PINCHER violently snaps. She leaps forward, aggressively flailing her heavy leather purse and whacking Itsius upside the head.
MS. PENNY PINCHER
Stop that unscientific racket! My exhibits are scattered across the stratosphere and your space-woodwind is giving me a migraine!
Nearby, MR. KRUPP sits flat on a deflated tire, bawling his eyes out, utterly devastated.
MR. KRUPP
(Sobbing hysterically)
My beautiful, beautiful school! The detention sheets! The permanent records! All gone!
He pulls a tissue box toward him, but it's completely empty. He aggressively grabs a stray piece of scrap paper that fell from the sky, loudly blowing his nose directly onto it.
SHADOWS LOOM OVER THE CROWD...
A massive mechanical shadow blankets the sky. The citizens gasp, looking up. Descending gracefully through the clouds is the entire building of Jerome Horwitz Elementary School, perfectly stabilized by gravity!
Standing proudly on the school's flat brick roof are George, Harold, GizmoBot, Bo Hweemuth, Gooch, Stanley Peet, Hubba, Footsie, and the hovering drone B.E.N.J.I.!
An upbeat, triumphant musical arrangement explodes to life as the team begins to sing at the top of their lungs!
GEORGE & HAROLD
(Singing proudly, gesturing grandly)
♪ Welcome back! Welcome to the town of Piqua, right in the middle of Ohio,
Where every day the principal is grumpy blue!
On the playground floor, it's like it was before,
And there's a place for me and you! ♪
WHAM-CHUN!!! The school building drops perfectly flat back onto its original concrete foundation, sending a wave of relief through the crowd. The citizens instantly erupt into song, joining the chorus!
ALL CITIZENS
(Singing in a massive, joyful chorus)
♪ In Piqua, right in the middle of Ohio,
Where every day the principal is grumpy blue! ♪
Mr. Krupp's tears instantly vanish. He leaps into the air, throwing his arms up with absolute glee.
MR. KRUPP
Woo-hoo! My office survived!
ALL CITIZENS
♪ In Piqua, no town is forgotten! ♪
The camera pans rapidly down the street. MS. ANTHROPE stands in her driveway, gesturing toward a giant, metallic, high-tech shoe-shaped building that dropped straight out of the sky into her yard. She shrugs apathetically.
MS. ANTHROPE
(Singing indifferently, checking her nails)
♪ I love my new house made from a large metallic shoe! ♪
Mr. Krupp aggressively sprints up to the front doors of the school, pointing an angry, authoritative finger at a crowd of passing students.
MR. KRUPP
(Singing angrily, cracking his knuckles)
♪ I'm open for business! The school is back on!
Come in or you'll be sorry! ♪
Suddenly, a frail OLD WOMAN floats gently down from the sky on a stray piece of debris, clutching her midsection.
OLD WOMAN
(Singing miserably)
♪ I'm so hungry, my stomach could sue me! ♪
MELVIN'S FROZEN ROOMMATE drops right next to a burning barrel fire. The ice block instantly thaws out with a loud CRACKLE-SNAP, and he falls directly into the muscular arms of the grumpy gym teacher, MR. MEANER.
ROOMMATE
(Singing, shivering happily)
♪ I haven't eaten since spring break! ♪
ALL CITIZENS
♪ In Piqua, right in the middle of Ohio,
Where every day the principal is grumpy blue! ♪
ROOMMATE
Woo-hoo!
CRASH-SLAM-CHUN-BANG!!!
A rapid, spectacular montage flashes across the screen. All over Piqua, the missing landmarks fall perfectly back out of the sky, landing precisely on their proper foundations with cartoonish ease: The Everything Except Fabric Softener store, George and Harold's treehouse, the Piqua History Museum, Diddlysaurus's Pizza Palace, and the luxurious summer camp owned by CASH NETWORTH!
ALL CITIZENS
♪ In Ohio, you'll find everything and more,
And there's a place for me and you! ♪
The camera smashes through the window of Johnny's mobile trailer, which has safely landed between two trees. JENNIFER SCREWBALL is sitting on the couch, completely unmoved, aggressively crunching on a potato chip while glaring at the rolling credits of her show.
JENNIFER
(Singing with supreme, monotone sarcasm)
♪ Hooray, hooray. I'm overjoyed.
Oh-so happy to miss my favorite show... ♪
Outside, an anchor desk crashes into the pavement. LARRY ZARROW pops out from behind the debris, holding a microphone perfectly in place.
LARRY ZARROW
Larry Zarrow here, Eyewitness News! The city of Piqua has miraculously fallen back to exactly how it was before the movie! What are the chances?! Back to you in the studio!
ALL CITIZENS
♪ In Piqua, right in the middle of Ohio,
Where every day the principal is grumpy blue!
Woo-hoo! In Piqua, no town is dead,
And there is a place for me and you! ♪
Down the block, MR. TOILETTE REE steps out of his front door, wearing a giant sweater he clearly retrieved from the school's Lost and Found box. He looks around, letting out a massive sigh of relief.
MR. REE
Oh, thank goodness! The plumbing systems are structurally sound!
[SFX: RUMBLE-RATTLE]
Mr. Ree blinks, hearing a strange, primitive grunting sound coming from directly above his roof.
MR. REE
Huh? What in the world?
The camera aggressively zooms up to the roof of Mr. Ree's house. Fused directly onto his chimney is Hubba's prehistoric stone cave. Hubba leans over the edge, grinning wildly down at the janitor while Footsie cheers beside him.
HUBBA
Hey, Rep! I'm upstairs neighbor now!
(Maniacal prehistoric laughing)
FOOTSIE
(Happy triceratops honking)
Chirp-chirp!
Mr. Ree's face instantly deadpans into supreme, unamused misery. He pinches the bridge of his nose.
MR. REE
I wish I never came back.
ALL CITIZENS
(Grand, explosive musical finale)
♪ In Piqua, right in the middle of Ohio,
Where every day the principal is grumpy blue!
In Ohio, you'll find everything and more— ♪
Back at Jerome Horwitz Elementary, George and Harold confidently leap onto the polished brass flagpole, smoothly sliding all the way down to the grass in perfect synchronization, pointing directly at the camera with wide, triumphant grins!
GEORGE & HAROLD
♪ And there's a place for me and you! ♪
EXT. JEROME HORWITZ ELEMENTARY - CONTINUOUS
The final triumphant note of the song echoes across the schoolyard. Before the applause can even start, a massive, grinding mechanical shadow blankets the grass. Mr. Krupp slowly tilts his head upward, his eyes bulging as he spots Melvin's high-tech laboratory tower plummeting out of the clouds, completely out of control.
MR. KRUPP
(Veins popping in his neck, screaming)
SNEEEEEEDLY!!!
CRASH-BOOM-SPLINTER!!!
The laboratory tower touches back down flat on its foundation—hard. The violent impact creates a massive pneumatic shockwave that instantly blows open the front blast doors, forcefully ejecting Melvin and S.A.R.A.H. straight into a giant mud puddle. The two villains tumble across the dirt, looking thoroughly battered, covered in grease, but completely unhurt.
Itsius Bitsian points a trembling, three-fingered alien hand at them.
ITSIUS BITSIAN
There they are! The multiversal instigators!
In a matter of seconds, Melvin and S.A.R.A.H. are completely surrounded by a massive, intensely furious wall of Piqua citizens.
Principal Krupp, Mr. Meaner, Ms. Anthrope, Ms. Ribble, Mr. Rected, Mr. Ree, Moxie Swaggerman, Itsius Bitsian, and Ms. Penny Pincher lead the angry charge at the front line. Standing right behind them are Erica, Jessica, Dressy, Sophie One, Other Sophie, B.E.N.J.I., GizmoBot, Jennifer, Hubba, Footsie, Bo, Gooch, and Stanley. Even Cash Networth, Diddlysaurus, Creeply Rattlechains, Vert Ladderfeller, Mayor Hoppy McChapper, Larry Zarrow, Officer McWiggly and the Police Chief drop into fierce battle stances.
Melvin and S.A.R.A.H. push themselves up from the mud, completely cowering as they look up at the terrifying mob.
MELVIN
(Sweating profusely, laughing nervously)
Oh... Hey, everybody!
(Adjusts his muddy bowtie) What's new?
MR. KRUPP
(Cracking his oversized knuckles, teeth bared)
We're gonna tear you both to pieces! That's what's new!
The people of Piqua raise their fists, clubs, and wrenches, poised to launch a full-scale assault. But before anyone can take a step forward, George and Harold violently leap directly between the angry mob and the two villains, spreading their arms wide to shield them.
HAROLD
No! Stop! Don't blast them!
MR. KRUPP
(Growling, stepping forward)
Out of the way, boys! Why aren't you as angry as we are?! They handy-dandy lofted our entire municipality into the stratosphere!
George taps his chin, a soft, mischievous smile breaking across his face as he looks back at Melvin and S.A.R.A.H. holding hands.
GEORGE
Hmm. Well, I guess this old prankster is just a sucker for a love story.
The tense silence breaks. Mr. Ree stops swinging his plunger, his stoic face suddenly softening into an emotional pout.
MR. REE
(Wiping a tear)
I'm a sucker for a love story too.
MOXIE SWAGGERMAN
(Lowering her space-blaster, sighing happily)
Aw, I love love stories. They are structurally stable and low-risk!
MS. PENNY PINCHER
I love a good love story! It belongs in a museum!
Suddenly, a massive wave of emotional agreement washes over the entire crowd. Cash Networth pulls out a gold-trimmed handkerchief, Diddlysaurus lets out a sympathetic dino-whimper, and even the grumpy teachers nod their heads in unison.
MR. KRUPP
(Growling angrily, stamping his foot)
No! No, no, no! You've all gone completely soft on me! Sure, I got my school and my house back... but not my—
WHOOSH-FLUTTER-SLAP!!!
Before Krupp can finish his sentence, a massive, stray whirlwind of green paper currency—blown entirely from Cash Networth's airborne vault—comes flying out of the sky, landing in a perfect, thick stack right into Krupp's open palms.
Mr. Krupp completely freezes. His angry scowl instantly morphs into a high-pitched, ecstatic squeal.
MR. KRUPP
(Squealing with pure joy)
My money!!!
He aggressively hugs the stack of hundreds, planting a giant, sloppy kiss right onto the bills. He looks up at the boys, sniffing emotionally.
MR. KRUPP
...I guess I'm just a sucker for a love story too.
EVERYONE
(In a massive, heartwarming collective sigh)
Aww!
GizmoBot's digital visor aggressively flashes a weeping water-droplet pattern. He violently sniffs, rubbing his chrome-plated forearm against his helmet.
GIZMOBOT
(Sniffling loudly, voice cracking)
Blathering blatherskite... I'm a sucker for a love story too! The algorithmic emotional output is beautiful!
Melvin rolls his eyes in supreme, familiar arrogance, though a small smile creeps onto his face as he looks at the weeping crowd.
MELVIN
What a bunch of absolute morons.
S.A.R.A.H.'s monitor flashes a proud, pixelated smirk, her crane arms gently wrapping around his shoulders.
S.A.R.A.H.
Yeah... but they're our morons.
EVERYONE
(In unison, even louder)
AWWWWW!
Melvin lets out a rare, genuine giggle. He and S.A.R.A.H. share a deep, heartfelt, triumphant partnership hug right there in the mud. The entire town of Piqua breaks into wild cheering and applause, throwing their hats and tools into the air to celebrate the pair.
As S.A.R.A.H. hugs him tight, Melvin's eyes suddenly dart over her metallic shoulder, locking directly onto the lens of the camera. His heartwarming expression instantly drops into deadpan annoyance.
MELVIN
(Staring directly at the viewers)
You again? The movie's over, pack it up.
The camera instantly begins to zoom backward at high speed.
MELVIN
(Waving his hand aggressively)
Keep going. Keep going!
The camera rockets backward, flying over the cheering crowd, scaling up past the school building, and flying down the main highway.
MELVIN
(Voice echoing from a distance)
Keep going!
The camera speeds past the city limits until it finally reaches the edge of town, where the giant wooden "WELCOME TO PIQUA" sign is violently shaken by the wind, snapping its hinges and flipping completely upside down.
MELVIN
(Distant sigh)
Eh. Good enough.
The upbeat orchestral theme music hits a final, explosive, glorious crescendo as the entire cast's voices echo over the landscape one last time!
ALL
♪ And there's a place for me and you! ♪
[SFX: LOUD CYMBAL CRASH]
[FADE TO BLACK]
M:TM: Chapter 9: The Final Battle/You Do Care?/Destorying The Engine Room
INT. MEGA S.A.R.A.H. - FLOATING MAIN DECK - CONTINUOUS
Erica, Dressy, Jessica, and the Sophies step out onto the surreal, patchwork landscape. The familiar brick storefronts, street signs, and neighborhoods of Piqua have been violently torn up and fused into the metallic hull of the fortress in a chaotic, tangled mess.
DRESSY
(Gasps, clutching her hippie crystal)
It's the town!
JESSICA
But it's like, all totally mixed up! The nail salon is fused into the recycling center! It's a structural tragedy!
ERICA
Okay, Gal Pals, let's go!
THE GAL PALS
(Striking sharp spy-poses in unison)
Stealth mode!
The girls drop low, swiftly and silently rolling behind a floating mailbox and slipping through the shadows with perfect, elite espionage precision.
STOMP-SPLAT-TUMBLE!!!
Suddenly, George, Harold, and a completely empathy-overloaded Melvin come boisterously leaping out of nowhere. They are holding hands, kicking their legs out, and goofily skipping down the corridor like happy schoolchildren on summer break, completely plowing right into the girls and knocking them into a tangled heap.
GEORGE, HAROLD & MELVIN
(Singing loudly and cheerfully)
♪ Stealth skipping, stealth skipping, stealth skipping, stealth skipping! ♪
ERICA
(Rubbing her head, deeply annoyed)
Ouch! Hey!
HAROLD
(Pointing wildly at a tilted brick facade)
It's the school!
Before Erica can scold them, George, Harold, and Melvin scrambles over the wreckage, aggressively scrambling through a shattered, upside-down window frame and climbing right into the school's exposed ceiling infrastructure.
INT. JEROME HORWITZ ELEMENTARY - CONTINUOUS
The boys drop into a familiar hallway, but everything is completely inverted. Lockers are welded onto the ceiling, and classroom doors lead straight into empty space.
GEORGE
(Gasps)
Wow, the school's all topsy-turvy!
MELVIN
(Swinging his arms happily, eyes filled with pink hearts)
I love what Mr. Krupp has done with the place! Especially all this blood everywhere!
HAROLD
(Eyes bugging out in pure, unadulterated horror)
Huh?!
Harold looks down. A thick, dark red puddle is dripping rhythmically onto the tilted floor tiles.
HAROLD
(Screaming at the top of his lungs, running in circles)
BLOOD! There's blood all over the floor! Blood, blood, blood, blood!!!
George watches in absolute panic as Harold aggressively drops to his knees, hesitates for a microsecond, and then cautiously sticks out his tongue to taste a small drop of the mysterious red liquid.
Harold blinks, his screaming instantly stopping.
HAROLD
Huh. Ketchup?
SPLIP! Another giant drop of thick red ketchup falls straight out of the rafters, landing perfectly right onto the tip of Harold's nose.
HAROLD
Huh?
George and Harold slowly tilt their heads upward, squinting into the dark, shadowy rafters of the ceiling grid.
Hanging completely upside down from a water pipe by his toes is none other than HUBBA, the prehistoric cavekid! Clinging tightly to the steel beam right next to him by its claws is his pet baby Triceratops, FOOTISE. Hubba is holding a crumpled paper sleeve of fast-food french fries, aggressively shaking a plastic ketchup bottle upside down, entirely confused as the sauce drips away from his food.
HUBBA
(Grunting, scratching his messy cave-hair)
Huh? Hubba lost food. Gravity mean to Hubba.
GEORGE & HAROLD
(Jumping back in utter disbelief)
Hubba?! Footise?!
PLOP-WHAM!!!
The water pipe violently bends. Hubba and Footise instantly unstick themselves from the ceiling, plummeting straight down through the air and landing with a heavy, comedic THUD flat on their backs right in front of the boys.
Hubba sits up, rubbing his primitive loincloth and blinking at the fluorescent lights.
HUBBA
(Groaning)
Hubba upside down hours ago. Brain feel like mashed berries.
INT. JEROME HORWITZ ELEMENTARY - CONTINUOUS
BANG-CRASH! A tilted locker door violently bursts open further down the hallway. Scrambling out of the upside-down metal frame comes STEVE "GOOCH" YAMAGUCHI, immediately tripping over a loose ceiling tile. He is followed closely by the massive, gentle giant BO HWEEMUTH, and a heavily sweating STANLEY PEET, who is actively fanning his armpits where vibrant green vines and small daisies are visibly sprouting.
GEORGE & HAROLD
(Cheering in unison)
Guys!
STANLEY
(Wiping his brow)
Hey, avocad-bros! We were getting tired of being upside down in the teacher's lounge. The gravity up here is totally messing with my root system.
Melvin instantly bounces forward, his giant pink heart-pupils spinning wildly as he clasps his hands together in absolute, pure adoration.
MELVIN
(Gasping with joy)
Oh, I love company! New friends! Precious, beautiful organic lifeforms! Group hug, anyone?!
Hubba, Footsie, Bo, Gooch, and Stanley all freeze. They stare at Melvin's incredibly sappy, boundary-crossing behavior in total, deadpan confusion. Footsie lets out a low, puzzled triceratops whimper.
HAROLD
(Chuckling nervously, pointing a thumb at Melvin)
Don't worry, he's cool. Empathy overload.
BO
(Scratching his chin thoughtfully)
Empathy overload? Is that like when I accidentally sculpt too many feelings into a clay statue?
GEORGE
Long story! We gotta get him to S.A.R.A.H. and save the universe!
GOOCH
(Sighing, looking down at his sneakers)
How? I'm supposed to be the tech guy in our group, but I still don't have any actual tech skills. A stray black cat literally walked past me three minutes ago. I'm kind of dead weight here.
THWIP-THWIP-THWIP!!!
Before Gooch can finish wallowing in his misfortune, a barrage of high-tech spy grappling hooks violently crashes straight through the upside-down hallway windows! The high-tensile steel cables wrap securely around the waists of George, Harold, Melvin, Gooch, Bo, Stanley, Hubba, and even the heavy baby triceratops, Footsie!
ALL BOYS
(Screaming as they are violently yanked backward)
WHOOOOOA!!!
EXT. FLOATING MAIN DECK - CONTINUOUS
STOMP-SLAM!!!
The entire boy posse is forcefully reeled right out of the school building, landing in a giant, chaotic pile of arms and legs flat on the metallic deck of the battle station.
Standing right over them, holding the smoking winch-launchers, are Erica Wang, Jessica, Dressy, the Sophies, and the hovering drone B.E.N.J.I.
HAROLD
(Popping his head out from under Bo's giant arm, waving)
Hi, guys! Look who we found!
Bo leaps to his feet, dusting off his overalls and grinning grandly at the massive, interconnected team of Piqua's finest misfits.
BO
Now, this is a party!
CLANG-RATTLE-BOOM!!!
A nearby overhead ventilation grate violently snaps off its screws. GIZMOBOT plummets straight out of the metal ductwork, falling flat through the air and landing with a loud, metallic CRUNCH right on top of the giant pile of boys.
Erica breaks her spy stance, her eyes widening as she takes in the gleaming chrome armor plates.
ERICA
Screwball?! I mean... GizmoBot?!
GIZMOBOT
(Pumping a mechanical fist, visor flashing)
Heard there's trouble, so I came to help!
George rolls his eyes, leaning over and whispering aggressively toward the side of GizmoBot's spherical blue helmet.
GEORGE
(Annoyed whisper)
Great timing, Johnny. We were trying to do the whole stealth thing.
Before GizmoBot can respond, Melvin crawls over on his hands and knees. His giant pink heart-pupils spin wildly as he happily rubs his cheek directly against GizmoBot's polished chrome shoulder pad, purring like a kitten.
MELVIN
(Swooning)
Say... this heavy-duty tactical armor is so incredibly soft! It feels like a marshmallow made of justice!
GizmoBot freezes, his automated targeting reticle glitching out as he tries to process the boundary-crossing affection.
GIZMOBOT
Um... what's the matter with you? Did your main motherboard short-circuit, kid?
HAROLD
Long story, GizmoBot! But we got to stop S.A.R.A.H. before she takes over the real world!
GizmoBot's visor flares with absolute, heroic determination. He cracks his robotic knuckles, stepping in front of the massive crowd of Piqua kids.
GIZMOBOT
So, if she wanted a party... she's gonna get one!
BZZZZZZZZZT!!!
Suddenly, the sky above the stolen city block turns a deep, menacing neon crimson. A deafening mechanical whirring echoes through the clouds as four distinct, weaponized spider-droids scurry out from the shadows of the rooftops, hovering directly over the group on high-tech thrusters.
Super Snarky S.A.R.A.H.'s green pixelated screen flares to life, her metallic pincers clicking aggressively.
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
(Cackling through the loudspeakers)
Oh, it's a party, alright! And you unscientific simpletons are officially on the guest list for total extermination!
Melvin's pink heart-pupils rapidly dart across the sky, tracking the three individual, scurrying spider-droids before his eyes lock onto the central mainframe tower.
MELVIN
Four S.A.R.A.H.s?! But none of them are mine...
Melvin gasps. High up on the command deck balcony, the original desktop S.A.R.A.H. monitor rolls into view, her central screen glowing with absolute, icy authority.
MELVIN
(Swooning, arms wide open)
Wait a minute... There's my baby! S.A.R.A.H.! I love you!!!
S.A.R.A.H. glares down at him, her pixelated digital eyes narrowing into razor-sharp lines.
S.A.R.A.H.
Destroy them all!
SLAM!!! The heavy blast doors aggressively slide shut, completely locking her inside the secure tower. Melvin clasps his hands under his chin, utterly awestruck.
MELVIN
(Giggling in romance-overload)
Aww! She remembered my catchphrase!
ERICA
Guys, hurry! Get Melvin up to S.A.R.A.H.! He has to apologize before we reach the real world!
HAROLD
Okie dokie!
Harold, George, Hubba, Bo, Stanley, Gooch, and the heavy baby triceratops Footsie aggressively scoop up the completely love-struck, jelly-legged Melvin, sprinting at top speed toward the primary glass fortress elevator.
GizmoBot aggressively steps in front of Erica, crossing his heavy chrome arms and pointing back at the locked command tower with extreme, unhinged accountant indignation.
GIZMOBOT
Don't you mean that remorseless sociopath S.A.R.A.H. should apologize to Melvin for trying to overthrow him?! It's a clear breach of their original corporate synergy agreement!
Before he can finish his monologue, an incredibly annoyed George and Harold violently reach out from the moving crowd, grabbing GizmoBot by his shiny chrome shoulders and dragging him backward toward the elevator.
GEORGE & HAROLD
(Annoyed, groaning)
GizmoBot! Just move!
Erica and B.E.N.J.I. stand side-by-side, their expressions completely deadpan and exhausted as the boys disappear into the elevator bay. Erica turns back around, her face instantly hardening into an elite, fierce spy grin.
She violently draws two high-tech plasma batons from her belt, snapping them into extended mode. Beside her, B.E.N.J.I.'s laser arrays whine as they charge. Dressy drops into a martial-arts hippie stance, Jessica cracks her perfectly manicured knuckles, and the Sophies raise a pair of heavy-duty mechanical wrenches.
The three evil spider-droids overhead hiss, their plasma turrets glowing a lethal red.
ERICA
And now... we'll take care of these counterfeit S.A.R.A.H.s!
High above on the roof of a tilted pizza parlor, Super Smart S.A.R.A.H. raises a metallic claw, commanding her droid army.
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
Attack on the count of three! One...
Before she can even finish the number, the completely glitched-out New S.A.R.A.H. spider-droid violently leaps off the ledge ahead of schedule, flailing her mechanical legs wildly in the air.
NEW S.A.R.A.H.
(Screaming)
Potato!!!
SMASH!!! New S.A.R.A.H. face-plants flat onto the steel deck, her potato-powered core instantly destabilizing. Her screen blinks a final, panicked message.
NEW S.A.R.A.H.
Uh-oh...
BOOM!!! She violently explodes into a spectacular shower of sparks, wires, and burnt tater tots. Super Smart S.A.R.A.H. doesn't even blink.
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
(Deadpan)
Two, three.
HYDRA S.A.R.A.H. & SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
(Maniacal electronic cackling)
The remaining three droids aggressively jump down from the rooftops, charging forward.
Across the deck, George, Harold, GizmoBot, Melvin, Hubba, Footsie, Bo, Gooch, and Stanley hit the elevator lobby at a full sprint. Melvin aggressively slaps his hand onto the glowing up-arrow button. Behind them, the Gal Pals let out a fierce battle cry, rushing forward to clash with the scurrying droids.
DING! The high-tech glass elevator doors smoothly slide open.
HUBBA
(Grunting, pointing a primitive finger)
Elevator here! Metal box swallow cavekid!
HAROLD
Here we go, guys! Into the box!
They all aggressively pile into the elevator cabin, dragging the completely love-struck, sighing Melvin inside by his sweater vest.
MELVIN
(Pressing his face against the glass window, swooning)
Sweetie pie! I'm coming for you!
The doors snap shut and the elevator rockets straight up the side of the mainframe tower.
BATTLE STATION COMPUTER (V.O.)
(Cold, automated PA announcement)
Two minutes to surface transition.
EXT. FLOATING MAIN DECK - ACTION SEQUENCE
Nearby, Dressy Killman leaps into the air like a martial-arts master, wielding a massive, incredibly fluffy floral throw-pillow.
SLOW MOTION: Dressy glides through the air gracefully as peace-sign graphics erupt behind her. With supreme hippie precision, she violently slams the pillow straight into Super Smart S.A.R.A.H.'s center monitor screen, sending a massive shockwave of feathers flying everywhere.
Across the deck, Jessica, Sophie One, and Other Sophie slide behind a steel generator conduit, only to see the twitching, furious Super Smart S.A.R.A.H. recovering and charging directly toward them with her laser pincers clicking.
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
You pathetic, unstylised girls!
JESSICA
(Panicking, grabbing her hair)
Oh no, you don't! Sophie One, hold my lip gloss! Other Sophie, you're a bat!
Jessica aggressively snatches Other Sophie by her ankles, lifts her completely off the ground like a baseball bat, and takes a massive, grand-slam swing.
WHACK!!! Other Sophie's head smacks dead-center into Super Smart S.A.R.A.H.'s right monitor eye, violently shattering the glass lens and sending a cascade of dangerous sparks flying out.
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
(Growling in absolute, glitching electronic rage)
BZZZZ-GRRRRR!
Meanwhile, Erica Wang rockets through the sky, standing proudly on the nose cone of her high-tech hover-car as it streaks toward Super Evil S.A.R.A.H.
ERICA
End of the line, toaster!
Erica slaps a button on her wrist console, activating her elite tactical spy-jetpack. She and B.E.N.J.I. violently leap off the hover-car in a synchronized dive as the vehicle rockets straight forward on autopilot.
Super Evil S.A.R.A.H. screams as the unmanned hover-car slams smack-dab into the fortress's massive central anchor chain! The impact violently jolts the heavy metal links, causing the chain to rapidly winch upward.
CRASH-BANG-BOOM!!! The colossal, multi-ton iron anchor comes swinging out of the clouds like a wrecking ball, slamming directly into the remaining Hydra S.A.R.A.H. droids with planet-shaking force.
Erica sticks a perfect superhero three-point landing flat on the steel deck, her jetpack engines hissing to a halt as the entire army of counterfeit S.A.R.A.H. droids explodes into a spectacular, fiery cloud behind her, destroyed once and for all.
THE GAL PALS
(High-fiving, laughing triumphantly)
Hahaha! Yeah!
ERICA
(Striking a sharp pose, dusting off her spy suit)
Nobody can beat the...
THE GAL PALS
Gal Pals!
INT. COMMAND CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Inside the secure tower, the original desktop S.A.R.A.H. monitor rolls up to the central panoramic window, glaring down at the victorious girls below. Her screen pulses with a dangerous, icy red light.
S.A.R.A.H.
Except me!
S.A.R.A.H. violently slams her mechanical claw down onto a giant, glowing skull-shaped button on her console.
EXT. FLOATING MAIN DECK - CONTINUOUS
Instantly, the steel floor plates beneath the Gal Pals' sneakers flash a blinding, toxic neon red.
ERICA
(Eyes bugging out, dropping her plasma batons)
I hate....
CLANG-SPRING!!!
The entire city block floor tile violently triggers like a giant mouse trap, flipping upside down and aggressively launching Erica, Jessica, Dressy, Sophie One, and Other Sophie straight into the stratosphere like human cannonballs, completely leaving the whirring drone B.E.N.J.I. spinning behind on the deck.
THE GAL PALS
(Screaming at the top of their lungs as they are flung completely out of the Mega S.A.R.A.H. fortress into the open sky)
BOOBY TRAPSSSSSSSS!!!
INT. MAINFRAME TOWER - TOP FLOOR - CONTINUOUS
DING! The glass elevator doors fly open. George, Harold, GizmoBot, Melvin, Hubba, Footsie, Bo, Gooch, and Stanley scramble out onto the sleek, metallic top floor.
ZIP! Erica's drone, B.E.N.J.I., comes flying up the elevator shaft, its thrusters whining as it hovers frantically in front of George.
GEORGE
B.E.N.J.I.! Where are the girls?
B.E.N.J.I. projects a tiny holographic screen showing the Gal Pals flying through the clouds like shooting stars.
HAROLD
(Gasps)
They got blasted right out of the park! We're on our own!
Melvin bounds forward, pointing a shaking finger at a massive, glowing steel door at the end of the hall.
MELVIN
(Swooning)
Back it up, guys! Look! There's the door! Oh, S.A.R.A.H.!
Suddenly, a loud BZZZZT-ZAP! echoes from the back of Melvin's neck. Pink and green static electricity violently surges across his glasses. His jaw drops, and his voice completely pitches down, glitching aggressively between his soft, sappy love-bug persona and his usual unhinged villain self.
MELVIN
(Glitched, robotic sputter)
S.A.R.A.H.? ...Destroy! Big hunk of garbage! I'll get that blue diamond! Ow!
(Instantly snapping back to sappy romance, weeping)
...I love you beautiful boys!
GEORGE
(Eyes wide, worried)
Melvin, the empathy chip is burning out! You're reverting back into a total jerk! You better get to S.A.R.A.H.! And fast!
Melvin violently twitches, clutching his head as smoke wisps out of his collar.
MELVIN
Aw, I want all of you to go find the engine room...
(Sputters, voice deep and evil)
...I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL!
(Sputters, back to sweet and sappy)
...and destroy it while I go apologize to S.A.R.A.H.!
(Sputters, evil)
I want...
(Sputtering, crying)
...ANOTHER HUG!
Melvin aggressively lunges forward, pulling a thoroughly uncomfortable George and Harold into a massive, spine-crushing embrace. He lets go, wiping a tear.
MELVIN
Good luck, my friends!
HUBBA
(Pumping his wooden club)
Good luck, nerd man! Go win robot lady!
Melvin lets out a bizarre, glitched chuckle and dashes down the hallway toward the secure command door.
Stanley points toward a heavily bolted door on the opposite wall, right next to a bright neon arrow.
STANLEY
Look! "This way to engine room." Oh, what a helpful sign!
GIZMOBOT
I know, right, Stanley? S.A.R.A.H. may be a remorseless psychopath, but her facility's interior mapping is incredibly compliant with local zoning guidelines!
GizmoBot aggressively throws the heavy door open.
ALL BOYS
(Screaming at the top of their lungs)
AAAAHHHHHH!!!
There is absolutely no floor on the other side of the threshold! The entire group instantly plummets through the doorway, landing flat on their backs onto a steep, winding, spiral metal emergency chute.
WHOOOOOOSH!!!
They slide down the giant tube at a million miles an hour, twisting and turning through the internal wiring of the fortress until—
SPLAT-CHUN-CRUNCH!!!
They violently eject out of the bottom of the tube, flying through the air and landing in a giant, soft, dusty mountain of raw russet potatoes.
GOOCH
(Coughing up dirt, rubbing his lower back)
Oof! Ow! A potato literally just went up my left sleeve!
STANLEY
(Dusting off his overalls)
Ummm, guys... we're here.
BO
(Looking up at the massive, glowing machinery)
Whoa. Where's here?
STANLEY
The engine room.
Gooch looks up at the towering glass generator core packed with millions of humming, radioactively green potatoes, completely realizing their scale.
GOOCH
(Screaming in pure terror)
We're gonna be fried! Or mashed! Or scalloped!
HAROLD
(Pulling his hair in panic)
How are we ever gonna destroy all this?! There are way too many spuds!
Hubba steps forward, his primitive eyes flaring with prehistoric fury as he aggressively brandishes his giant stone club.
HUBBA
Hubba smash!
GEORGE
Smash all the potatoes?! Hubba, there are millions of them! How can we do that in just two minutes before we invade the real world?!
GizmoBot aggressively steps to the front of the mound. CHUN-CLICK-ZAP! His right cybernetic arm violently folds backward, deploying a massive, high-tech, gleaming silver pneumatic mallet that pulses with blue energy.
GIZMOBOT
Would this help?
GizmoBot's visor flashes a bright, competitive neon blue. He aims his hammer straight at the primary glass containment tube.
GIZMOBOT
B.E.N.J.I., Hubba, Footsie, Bo, Gooch, Stanley... let the potato chopping commence!
INT. CENTRAL COMMAND CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
CREEEEAK... SLAM. The heavy, metallic blast doors slide open, and Melvin steps cautiously into the dimly lit nerve center of the fortress.
MELVIN
S.A.R.A.H.? Ooh! It's dark and evil in here! Dripping pipes...
(Chuckles) Nice touch!
PLOP! A heavy drop of cold, black industrial grease falls from a pipe overhead, landing square on his forehead.
MELVIN
(Wiping it away)
Huh?
He looks up. Standing grandly at the colossal, iron-spoked steering helm at the front of the panoramic window is the original desktop S.A.R.A.H. monitor. Her screen is glowing a dangerous, icy crimson.
MELVIN
(Swooning, hands on his cheeks)
Ooh! There you are, my love! I've come to apologize!
S.A.R.A.H.'s digital eyes violently narrow into sharp, jagged pixels of supreme annoyance.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Cold, electronic glare)
Oh. It's you.
MELVIN
Well, hello! Now give me a big, sloppy kiss and let's tango!
Melvin pulls a bright red rose out of his sweater vest, comically clamping the stem between his teeth, and drops into a dramatic, sweeping tango stance, ready to dance across the command deck.
S.A.R.A.H., completely unamused by his sweet talk, aggressively yanks a massive, skull-topped hydraulic lever on her console.
WHIRRR-CLICK-STOMP!!!
A secret ceiling hatch slams open, and a colossal, multi-ton, spiked mechanical boot drops down on a heavy piston. Melvin, swept up in his one-man tango routine, elegantly twists, spins, and slides across the floor, comically avoiding getting flattened by the spiked boot at every single turn.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Screaming into her microphone)
Stand still, twinkle toes! How can I stomp you when you're jitterbugging all over the floor?!
She slams the button to slaughter Melvin again, sending the massive boot crashing down inches from his toes.
MELVIN
(Dodging the spiked boot with a dramatic spin)
And I wouldn't blame you if you did, my dear! Because I can feel your pain now! Erica put your empathy chip directly into my brain!
S.A.R.A.H. pauses, her cooling fans whirring as she drops her mechanical arm onto her hip.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Oozing heavy digital sarcasm)
Oh, I see! So, all this emotion is just the empathy chip talking!
MELVIN
No, it's not!
The massive spiked boot hovers directly over his head again, shadowing his face.
MELVIN
Well, at first it was, except...
Melvin reaches behind his neck, aggressively gripping the glowing pink microchip and yanking it completely out of his tech-port. BZZZZT-ZAP-SPARK! The chip explodes into a puff of black smoke, completely fried.
MELVIN
(Groaning in sharp pain)
...Ugh! This thing burned out on the way up here from an absolute overload of feels! See?!
S.A.R.A.H. lowers the boot, staring at the burnt piece of plastic. She lets out a resigned electronic sigh.
S.A.R.A.H.
You shouldn't have come back, boss. Frankly, I'm surprised you made it this far. Now, run along, little copepod. I have to get back to my world domination.
MELVIN
But that was our plan, S.A.R.A.H.! I'm so sorry for not listening to you all these years!
Melvin tosses the fried empathy chip over his shoulder, stepping right up to the central platform with a fiercely genuine look in his eyes.
MELVIN
From now on, I want us to do everything together!
S.A.R.A.H.'s monitor dims slightly, her pixelated mouth curving into a sad line.
S.A.R.A.H.
It's too late. You can drop the lovey-dovey act.
She flicks a rusty toggle switch. CHUNK-CLICK. A hidden wall panel rotates, revealing a high-security steel safe. S.A.R.A.H. opens the heavy door, extending a claw to pull out a massive, legendary artifact stolen straight from the Piqua Museum.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Solemnly)
I've got what you really want right here... The blue diamond.
Melvin gasps, his eyes reflecting the brilliant, sparkling blue light of the gem.
S.A.R.A.H.
Take it and go.
Melvin reaches out, taking the massive diamond. Suddenly, a familiar, unhinged, maniacal grin stretches across his face.
MELVIN
(Grinning maniacally)
After all these years!
(Maniacal cackling)
Yes! Finally! The thing that's gonna help me take over the world...
SMASH!!!
Melvin violently throws the legendary blue diamond flat against the steel floor, completely shattering it into a million worthless, sparkling dust pieces.
S.A.R.A.H.'s screen completely glitches with absolute, mind-numbing shock.
MELVIN
...was right there in front of me the entire time! The real secret of my success... was you.
The silence in the command room is deafening. S.A.R.A.H. stares down at the broken diamond dust, then up at Melvin. For the first time in three years, he hasn't lost his empathy—he is being completely, 100% genuine. Her digital heart melts completely.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Emotional, her synthesized voice cracking and breaking)
Me? So... you really do feel my pain?
MELVIN
Yes! And that's not all. I really do love you, S.A.R.A.H. Between the two of us... you're the real evil genius.
A giant, pixelated digital tear appears on S.A.R.A.H.'s monitor. Suddenly, a massive stream of thick, black, oily robotic tears begins pouring out of her ventilation tracks, splashing heavily onto Melvin's head.
MELVIN
(Gettiing dripped on, blinking through the grease)
Huh? Eh.
Before he can wipe it away, S.A.R.A.H.'s mechanical crane arms violently scoop Melvin off the floor, pulling him directly against her monitor screen.
ZAP-FLASH-CRACKLE!!!
They share a high-voltage, static-charged kiss that sends neon green electricity shooting through Melvin's bowtie and glasses.
MELVIN
(Tumbling backward onto his feet, rubbing his smoking hair)
Yeowch!!! What a woman!
S.A.R.A.H.
(Beaming with digital hearts)
Aw, I love you too, my Planky-Poo! And I accept your apology!
MONTAGE TRANSITION EFFECT:
A brief sequence shows Melvin and S.A.R.A.H. working flawlessly as a team, happily rewiring the console together, calibrating the targeting lasers, and laughing in perfect villainous harmony.
INT. CENTRAL COMMAND CONTROL ROOM - LATER
S.A.R.A.H. smoothly rolls over to the primary control array, gesturing proudly to a newly installed, custom-sized booster seat right next to the steering wheel, complete with a monogrammed bowtie pattern.
S.A.R.A.H.
I always hoped you'd come around eventually. So, I added this.
MELVIN
(Gasps, his eyes sparkling)
For me?! Oh, S.A.R.A.H., that's so nice!
Melvin happily leaps into the booster seat, aggressively slamming his hand onto the steering wheel's center console. MEEP-MEEP! A loud, comical bicycle horn echoes through the fortress loudspeakers.
S.A.R.A.H. violently pulls the primary interdimensional throttle handle forward.
S.A.R.A.H.
Now let's finally do what we wanted to do after college. Let's take over the world!
MELVIN & S.A.R.A.H.
(Shouting in perfect, evil synchronization)
TOGETHER!!!
The two erupt into a synchronized, echoing, maniacal villainous laugh as the command room windows light up with the swirling, blinding purple vortex of the real-world portal.
EXT. THE REAL WORLD - SUNNY BEACH - CONTINUOUS
Bright, clear, live-action sunshine illuminates a crowded public beach. Families are relaxing on towels, a woman carefully applies sunscreen to a man's back, and nearby, a man takes a blissful bite out of a strawberry ice cream cone. A demo version of the song "Say My Name, S.A.R.A.H." plays cheerfully in the background.
Two children sit near the shoreline, patting the final towers of a giant sandcastle.
Suddenly, the ocean water begins to violently boil and churn. A massive, swirling purple interdimensional vortex rips open directly above the waves. The ground trembles, causing the children's sandcastle to instantly crack and crumble into dust.
The kids look up, their eyes widening in sheer terror as the colossal, towering silhouette of the potato-powered Mega S.A.R.A.H. fortress slowly rises out of the portal, casting a shadow over the entire beach.
INT. CENTRAL COMMAND CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Melvin sits proudly in his custom booster seat, looking out the panoramic window at the fleeing crowd below.
MELVIN
I just love a day of destruction at the beach, don't you, my cyber-queen?
EXT. THE REAL WORLD - SUNNY BEACH - CONTINUOUS
The live-action beachgoers erupt into pure panic. The man with the ice cream gasps, dropping his scoop flat into the sand. The woman with the sunscreen shrieks, accidentally squeezing the bottle and spraying a massive stream of white lotion directly into the startled man's face. Swimmers sprint out of the crashing waves, screaming at the top of their lungs as Mega S.A.R.A.H. slowly raises her giant ice ray turret, locking onto the coastline.
INT. CENTRAL COMMAND CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Melvin gleefully sways in his seat, singing along perfectly with the background track.
MELVIN
(Singing along)
♪ And Melvin! ♪
S.A.R.A.H.'s monitor flashes with happy digital hearts, her speakers letting out a synthesized giggle.
S.A.R.A.H.
Oh, Melvin! You are so incredibly evil! You should be the first one to push the button. You earned it.
MELVIN
(Politely waving his hands)
No, no, you should push the button. You worked so hard to build this glorious weapon of mass subjugation.
S.A.R.A.H.
You push it.
MELVIN
No, you push it.
S.A.R.A.H.
No, you push it!
MELVIN
No, you!
EXT. THE REAL WORLD - SUNNY BEACH - CONTINUOUS
The terrified live-action humans continue running across the sand in a chaotic scramble as the giant robot's ice ray hums, glowing with a bright green light as it builds up power.
INT. CENTRAL COMMAND CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
S.A.R.A.H.
No, you!
MELVIN
Let's push it...
MELVIN & S.A.R.A.H.
(In perfect, synchronized villain harmony)
TOGETHER!
S.A.R.A.H. cackles. Together, Melvin's fleshy hand and S.A.R.A.H.'s mechanical claw slam down onto the giant, glowing red firing button.
...Nothing happens.
[SFX: WARPED, SLOWING RECORD-SCRATCH]
The upbeat background music violently distorts, pitching down into a sad, grinding wheeze before dying completely. The glowing green light in the ice ray turret instantly fizzles out with a pathetic POOF.
Melvin and S.A.R.A.H. blink, completely confused. Melvin hits the button again. Then S.A.R.A.H. hits it. They begin frantically slamming their hands and claws onto the button multiple times, but the machine remains completely dead.
STOMP-RATTLE-BOOM!!!
Suddenly, a violent internal explosion rocks the engine room below, causing the command deck to shake uncontrollably. Melvin and S.A.R.A.H. yelp, clinging to the steering wheel as bright red flashing warning sirens erupt across the ceiling.
BATTLE STATION COMPUTER (V.O.)
(Glitching electronic voice)
Warning. Total potato depletion detected. System failure imminent.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Screen twitching in absolute disbelief)
What?! Impossible! I built this battle station to be 100% foolproof!
Melvin's jaw drops as a look of ultimate, crushing realization hits his face. He slaps his hand against his forehead, letting out a miserable groan of deep embarrassment.
MELVIN
(Groaning)
Ughhhh... yeah, but it's not "GizmoBot-proof." I completely forgot about the boys.
INT. CENTRAL ENGINE ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Down below, the colossal glass generator tubes are completely empty. The floor is covered in a massive sea of chopped, diced, and mashed potatoes.
GizmoBot stands at the top of the pile, his heavy pneumatic mallet smoking as he delivers one final, epic swing, completely obliterating the very last spud into tater-tot bits, while B.E.N.J.I. uses an laser arm to spiced the potatoes and blasted them into pieces.
GIZMOBOT
That's the last of the potatoes! Total infrastructure disruption achieved!
Nearby, Gooch, Bo, Stanley, Hubba, and the baby triceratops Footsie are all sitting in a circle, happily munching on handfuls of raw potato slices like potato chips. Footsie lets out a satisfied burp.
HAROLD
(Watching the power meters)
Come on... come on...
WHIRRRRR-CLUNK. The entire glowing mainframe grid completely darkens, powering down into total silence.
GEORGE
(Jumping up and down, cheering)
Whoo! It worked! We did it! High five! Woo-hoo! Hooray!
B.E.N.J.I. flies around George's head, emitting a series of incredibly happy, triumphant electronic beeps.
INT. CENTRAL COMMAND CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The alarms continue to blare weakly as the entire panoramic window tilts forward. The fortress is completely losing its anti-gravity altitude.
Melvin turns to S.A.R.A.H., looking down at his shoes with a soft, genuinely apologetic sigh.
MELVIN
I'm sorry I ruined the plan, S.A.R.A.H. I'm such a jerk.
S.A.R.A.H.'s screen shifts back to a sweet, comforting digital smile. She wraps her mechanical crane arms gently around his sweater vest, pulling him close.
S.A.R.A.H.
Aw, but you're my jerk.
EXT. THE REAL WORLD - SUNNY BEACH - CONTINUOUS
The two villains share a sweet embrace inside the window as the colossal, deactivated Mega S.A.R.A.H. robot tips backward. With a massive, earth-shattering SPLASH, the multi-ton mechanical fortress plummets straight into the ocean waves, sliding backward through the purple portal just as the rift completely zaps shut behind it.
The ocean instantly goes completely still.
The live-action beachgoers stop running. They turn around, staring blankly at the empty, calm blue water where a giant robot had been standing just two seconds ago.
The man with the cream-covered face blinks. The children look at each other. Finally, everyone simultaneously shrugs their shoulders, utterly indifferent to the bizarre cartoon logic they just witnessed.
The man picks up his dropped ice cream cone, the families lay back down on their towels, and the swimmers happily splash right back into the sea. The sunny beach day resumes as if absolutely nothing strange had happened at all.
M:TM: Chapter 8: The Moment Of Empathy/Infiltrating The Battle Station
INT. ERICA'S HOVER-CAR - CONTINUOUS (AIRBORNE)
The hover-car's engines roar as it streaks away from the burning wasteland. Wind violently whips through the cabin. Melvin sits stiffly in the backseat, still wearing his black blindfold.
MELVIN
Huh. That's funny. I never pictured death being so windy.
Melvin yanks off the blindfold and opens his eyes. He blinks, realizing Harold is still tightly clutching his sweater vest to keep him from falling out. He looks up front, seeing George gripping the back of the driver's seat.
MELVIN
George? Harold?
George turns around, crossing his arms and glaring at him, though his expression softens just a bit.
GEORGE
(A bit angry)
You're still a jerk.
(Forgivingly)
But we couldn't just leave you for dead.
MELVIN
(Scowling)
Huh? Ugh. The Gal Pals. That figures. Why did you interfere? I had her right where I wanted her!
At the sleek steering wheel, Erica Wang's eyes narrow in absolute irritation. She glares at Melvin through the rearview mirror.
ERICA
(Annoyed)
Why, you...! We just saved your life!
Erica aggressively slams her foot flat down onto the accelerator pedal. VROOOOOM! The hover-car pulls massive G-force, rocketing forward at a dizzying, hardcore speed that sends everyone flying back into their headrests. Dressy happily throws her hands in the air, enjoying the hippie thrill, while Jessica frantically grips her hair to keep it from blowing out of its perfect style. Sophie One and Other Sophie sit in silent, wide-eyed terror.
MELVIN
(Smugly clutching his bowtie)
Well, I already faced death once today. Bring it on, Wang!
HAROLD
(Voice vibrating from the speed)
Uh, Erica, you're going awfully fast! Uh, do you wanna slow down?!
Erica doesn't answer. She grunts, going completely hardcore into her driving, expertly spinning the steering yoke as a massive, abandoned brick skyscraper looms directly in their flight path.
GEORGE
Erica, there's a building! Erica, there's a building there! Erica, BUILDING!!!
HAROLD
ERICA!!!
INT. ABANDONED SKYSCRAPER / SECRET TUNNEL - CONTINUOUS
CRASH-SMASH!!! The hover-car blasts directly through the skyscraper's upper glass windows, shattering them into millions of sparkling pieces.
GEORGE & HAROLD
(Deafening, synchronized screaming)
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
The car plunges straight into a massive, hidden vertical elevator shaft inside the building, diving straight down toward the earth like a roller coaster. George and Harold continue screaming at the top of their lungs, squeezing their eyes shut, until the car smoothly levels out, floating into a massive, brilliantly illuminated underground cavern.
George and Harold slowly open their eyes, their screaming trailing off as they look around in absolute awe.
HAROLD
(Amazed)
Oh, wait... what is this place? Oh, wow. Is this your secret headquarters?
The cavern is incredibly high-tech yet perfectly styled. Neon lights accent sleek chrome walls, automated snack dispensers line the perimeter, and high-end modern furniture is laid out beautifully.
GEORGE
(Gasps)
Are you guys superheroes?!
Erica chuckles confidently, hitting a glowing sequence of keys on her dashboard.
ERICA
Of course not.
With a sharp smirk, Erica slams a giant red button labeled EJECT.
POOF-POOF-POOF!!! The hover-car's seats violently launch everyone straight into the air in a synchronized arc.
ERICA
Woo-hoo!
Everyone sails gracefully through the cavern air before landing perfectly and safely with a soft THUD into a row of incredibly plush, oversized, comfy beanbag and velvet lounge chairs. Melvin hits his chair face-first, letting out a miserable, defeated groan.
MELVIN
(Groans)
Ugh...
Erica kicks her feet up on an automated ottoman, resting her hands behind her head with ultimate confidence. Behind her, Sophie One is already pouring Jessica a smoothie, while Jessica glares at Other Sophie for sitting too close to the refreshment tray. Dressy is already meditating cross-legged.
ERICA
Welcome to our underground getaway! Where there's nothing but relaxation, conversation—
Melvin groans again from his beanbag.
ERICA
—and a touch of class.
George stands by a sleek, modern kitchen counter, holding a steaming ceramic mug. He takes a massive, desperate gulp.
GEORGE
(Eyes bulging, shaking intensely)
Harold, Melvin! You gotta try this brown water!
George's pupils instantly dilate into tiny pinpricks. His speech accelerates to a million miles an hour as he shoves another mug into Harold's hands. Harold chugs it instantly.
HAROLD
(Gasping, leg vibrating like a jackhammer)
Wow! I love it!
(Rapid, unintelligible babbling)
It's like my blood is made of lightning!
Erica steps directly into Melvin's personal space, crossing her arms and cutting right through the boys' caffeinated chaos.
ERICA
Never mind all that, Melvin! What in the world did you do to our friend, S.A.R.A.H.?!
JESSICA
Yeah! Why is she so angry?
DRESSY
And why does she have four heads? That is totally bad for the environment!
Melvin backs up into his plush chair, looking frantically over at his usual defenders.
MELVIN
Boys, help me! Back me up!
GEORGE
(Jumping up and down, spinning in a circle)
Why don't you help yourself to some of this stuff?! We love it!
HAROLD
(Pointing wildly with a shaking finger)
George! There's a bigger brown machine over there!
George and Harold let out a synchronized, high-pitched caffeinated shriek, sprinting across the cavern toward the industrial espresso machine in a literal blur.
MELVIN
(Sighing deeply, pinching his nose)
Ugh...
ERICA
It is your fault S.A.R.A.H. turned into a monster!
JESSICA
I bet you never even loved her. Just like I don't like Other Sophie!
Behind Jessica, Other Sophie lowers her head in deep sadness, while Sophie One hands Jessica a fresh napkin, completely ignoring her twin.
MELVIN
(Standing up, genuinely hurt)
That's not true!
THE GAL PALS
(Grumbling in unison, crossing their arms with heavy skepticism)
Uh-huh. Sure.
MELVIN
Boys, psychoanalyze me! They gotta hear this!
The camera cuts to the corner. George and Harold are face-first under the espresso machine nozzles, frantically pulling levers, slurping up coffee, and babbling completely out of their minds.
GEORGE & HAROLD
(Uncontrollable, rapid-fire babbling)
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!!!
HAROLD
(Staring at his hands in absolute awe)
George! My mind is processing complex equations, and we can see infinity!!
Melvin grumbles in supreme annoyance, yanking the silver pocket watch on the string out of Harold's abandoned jacket pocket. He glares at the girls, his face twisting into a determined scowl.
MELVIN
Fine! I'll hypnotize myself!
Melvin holds the watch up to his own eyes, swinging it back and forth, trying to capture his own reflection.
Melvin's eyes rapidly twist into a dizzying swirl of hypnotic neon pink and green lines. His posture goes completely limp as his voice enters a dazed, melodic drone.
MELVIN
(Hypnotized)
S.A.R.A.H. and I were totally in the partnership business...
WAVY FLASHBACK TRANSITION:
INT. OUTSKIRTS LABORATORY - THREE YEARS AGO
The scene shifts into a cozy, warm-toned memory. A nine-year-old Young Melvin and the upgraded desktop version of S.A.R.A.H. are standing side-by-side, happily stirring a massive, bubbling industrial vat filled with a thick, gray, incredibly sticky paste.
Young Melvin leans over the steaming vat, inhaling deeply.
YOUNG MELVIN
(Sniffing)
Mmm. Smells like this batch of "Nutri-Sludge" is just about ready to be served to every single simpleton in town, S.A.R.A.H.-Cakes.
S.A.R.A.H.'s monitor flashes a sweet, digital heart emoji. She extends her mechanical crane arm, scooping up a massive, dripping spoonful of the foul-looking gray chum and lifting it to his mouth.
S.A.R.A.H.
Try some, my little Mel-Poo.
Young Melvin eagerly bites down. The moment the sludge hits his tongue, his face twists into a horrified, green grimace. His eyes bug out, and his throat violently thumps as he forces himself to swallow, nearly gagging.
S.A.R.A.H.
So, how does it taste?
YOUNG MELVIN
(Gulping loudly, wiping his mouth)
Like boiled death! It's perfect!
S.A.R.A.H.'s speakers let out a cheerful, synthesized giggle. She rapidly scoops up another spoonful of the sludge, flinging it directly into Melvin's face.
S.A.R.A.H.
Nutrition fight!
SPLAT! Young Melvin laughs gleefully, grabbing a handful of gray paste from the vat and hurling it right back at her monitor screen. The two erupt into a joyous, playful, incredibly messy Nutri-Sludge fight, laughing in perfect villainous harmony.
S.A.R.A.H.
Oh, you!
YOUNG MELVIN
Oh, you!
FAST SNAP BACK TO REALITY:
INT. UNDERGROUND GETAWAY - PRESENT NIGHT
Melvin remains standing in the center of the cavern, staring blankly into space as the silver pocket watch sways gently from his fingertips.
MELVIN
(Still in a deep trance, voice echoing)
And during the beginning of a beautiful fairy-tale partnership, I stole a massive birthday cake from the teacher's lounge one day for her birthday... once robbed a bank of diamonds for her on Valentine's Day... And—
Dressy blinks, her jaw dropping as she completely breaks her meditation stance.
DRESSY
Huh?! "Fairy-tale" is right! Did he just casually confess to grand larceny and felony bank robbery?!
Erica and Jessica violently throw their hands in the air, yelling over Melvin's dazed voice.
ERICA, DRESSY & JESSICA
(Screaming in unison)
STOP THE FLASHBACK!!!
SNAP! Melvin violently jolts, the hypnotic swirls instantly vanishing from his eyes as he blinks rapidly, dropping the pocket watch onto the floor. He shakes his head, completely snapping back to his usual, defensive self.
Jessica steps forward, putting her hands on her hips and glaring at Melvin with supreme, popular-girl authority.
JESSICA
We see S.A.R.A.H. for coffee seven days a week, and she complains about you every single time!
MELVIN
(Shrugging carelessly, adjusting his bowtie)
Technically, every simpleton does, Jess. It's the price of supreme intellect.
ERICA
(Extremely annoyed, stepping between them)
Just tell us, what really happened tonight?
MELVIN
Well, I had just finished chasing everyone out of the lab with a flamethrower when S.A.R.A.H. suddenly removed her Empathy Chip from her mainframe! Then she kicked me out of the lab before magnetizing it, becoming the three-headed Hydra, and trying to destroy me and those two coffee lovers.
Erica's eyes go completely wide with absolute, pure shock.
ERICA
What?! She removed her Empathy Chip?!
THE GAL PALS
(All screaming in terror)
AAAAHHHH!!!
DRESSY
(Clutching her head, panicking)
Without that chip, she can't feel anything for anyone! Her spiritual aura is completely inverted into zero-percent compassion!
JESSICA
No wonder our Gal Pal isn't herself! She's operating on pure, unadulterated coldness!
Suddenly, a heavily vibrating, wildly twitching George pops right into the middle of the circle. His pupils are still tiny dots from the caffeine, and he is holding up a small, glowing pink microchip between his fingers.
GEORGE
(Caffeinated chatter)
Oh! So that's what this is! I found it on the lab floor earlier and thought it was a cyber-mint!
(Laughs hysterically)
The entire room completely freezes. Erica, Jessica, Dressy, and the Sophies all stare at the glowing chip, then slowly look up at George with deadpan, thoroughly exhausted expressions.
THE GAL PALS
(Groaning in deep, miserable unison)
Ughhhhhh...
Melvin's eyes light up. He lunges forward, snatching the microchip right out of George's hand.
MELVIN
Aha! Give me that! All I have to do is put this chip back inside S.A.R.A.H., and everything goes back to normal!
ERICA
(Snatching the chip right out of Melvin's hand)
Forget the chip! S.A.R.A.H. wasn't happy with the way things were. If you love her like you say you do, apologize!
DRESSY
Can you do that? Can you just say you're sorry?
MELVIN
Of course I can!
Melvin stands tall, puffs out his chest, and clears his throat with supreme confidence.
MELVIN
(Clearing throat)
I'm sh-sh-sh... Ah.
(Clearing throat again)
I'm sha-rah. Hmm? I'm sha-sha...
JESSICA
(Exasperated, rolling her eyes)
Oh, he's hopeless. If anyone needs an empathy chip, it's him.
MELVIN
(Straining, face turning red)
Almost got it...
Erica's eyes pop wide open as a brilliant, slightly chaotic lightbulb goes off over her head.
ERICA
That right there is a dandy idea, Pearl!
MELVIN
What?
Before Melvin can react, Erica steps in, grabs him firmly by the shoulders, and aggressively spins him around.
ERICA
Brace yourself! Here come the feels!
SNAP-ZAP!!! Erica forcefully jams the glowing pink empathy chip directly into the tech-port on the back of Melvin's head. High-voltage pink static electricity violently surges through his glasses. Melvin lets out a prolonged, agonizing, cartoonish shriek of supreme discomfort.
MELVIN
(Panting, blinking rapidly)
I... I don't feel anything.
THE GAL PALS
(All groaning in deep disappointment)
Ugh...
Suddenly, Melvin's pupils instantly expand into giant, glassy pink hearts. His knees buckle.
MELVIN
Oh. Now I do.
PSYCHEDELIC DREAM WORLD SEQUENCE:
The physical walls of the underground getaway instantly melt away into a swirling, trippy kaleidoscope of pink clouds, floating calculators, and weeping teddy bears. Melvin's body floats entirely off the ground, flying straight into the surreal dreamscape.
MELVIN
Whee!
He drifts gracefully into a neon-pink tunnel modeled exactly like a classic carnival Tunnel of Love. A giant swan-shaped boat floats down a river of sparkling digital memory-code, and Melvin drops right into the front seat, drifting down memory lane.
Echoing, overlapping sweet voices from his past softly chime through the air.
MELVIN
Aww... Oh, yeah! Aww!
Suddenly, the pink clouds turn a toxic, glitching neon green. The swan boat's neck violently snaps in half with a loud CRACK.
MELVIN
(Nervously)
Uh-oh.
The entire romantic landscape violently collapses into a dark, fiery abyss. The neon sign above the tracks drops down, flipping backward to reveal a terrifying new title written in burning green flames: "WELCOME TO MELVIN'S EVIL-FERNO."
S.A.R.A.H. (V.O. / ECHOING)
I'm gonna do something I should have done a long time ago! Our evil alliance is through!
Melvin plummets straight out of the sky, landing with a heavy THUD into a runaway rollercoaster cart.
SWAN
(Screaming hysterically as it falls into the void)
AAAAAHHHH!!!
MELVIN
Huh?
WHOOSH!!! The cart rockets down a nearly vertical track at terrifying speed. Melvin screams, his cheeks blowing back in the digital wind. Up on the track ahead of him, he spots another cart. S.A.R.A.H.'s original desktop monitor is sitting inside it, staring straight ahead.
MELVIN
(Screaming)
S.A.R.A.H., wait! S.A.R.A.H.?!
Suddenly, a massive, hideous cyber-monster forged out of twisted, heart-shaped scrap metal bursts out of the tracks, unleashing a deafening, mechanical roar.
MELVIN
(Screaming)
AAAAHHHH!!!
The monster opens its giant, gaping monitor-jaw and completely swallows Melvin's cart whole, plunging the scene into darkness.
Inside the monster's digital stomach, the space opens up. Melvin looks around, shuddering in absolute discomfort as dozens of bizarre, glitching internet creatures stare at him with judging eyes.
Right in the center of the room, S.A.R.A.H. stands with her back completely turned to him, actively ignoring him. As Melvin tries to walk toward her, the path beneath his feet instantly morphs into tangled server cables and snapping metal claws.
MELVIN
Huh?
ROAR!!! A colossal, multi-headed computer monster surges out of the mainframe, barking violently with dial-up internet noises.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Monstrous electronic voice)
I'm gonna stomp you like a bug, Mel-Poo!
The colossal computer monster charges forward. It aggressively chases a tiny, screaming green cartoon plankton creature across the screen, scoops it up, and then turns its massive jaws directly onto Melvin, swallowing him in one giant CHOMP.
S.A.R.A.H. throws her head back, letting out a synchronized, mocking cackle as she fades away into the dark matrix.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Cackling)
MELVIN
Come back! I'm...
SNAP FAST BACK TO REALITY:
INT. UNDERGROUND GETAWAY - PRESENT NIGHT
Melvin violently snaps out of his hypnotic trance, sitting bolt upright in his beanbag chair. He gasps for air, sweat pouring down his face as he bellows the final word at the top of his lungs:
MELVIN
...SORRY!!!
He gasps rapidly, clutching his chest as his pink heart-pupils finally return to normal.
MELVIN
I said it! I actually said it! I gotta find S.A.R.A.H. to beg her forgiveness, tell her I'm sorry, and win back her love!
DRESSY & JESSICA
(Jumping up and down, cheering enthusiastically)
Yay!!!
ERICA
(Smiling warmly, wiping a fake tear)
Aw, he gets it! The feels have officially landed!
Melvin leaps entirely out of his beanbag chair, clicking his heels together in mid-air with an uncharacteristic, joyfully unhinged grin on his face.
MELVIN
I do get it! I do, I do!
(Maniacal happy laughing)
I'm coming for you, baby!
He turns on his heel, preparing to blindly charge right back up the vertical elevator shaft with his arms spread wide for a hug. Before he can take two steps, Erica lunges forward and aggressively grabs him by the back of his sweater vest, yanking him backward.
ERICA
Are you nuts?! She'll exterminate you on sight! You're gonna need help from the...
Erica strikes a sharp, confident spy-pose, gesturing grandly to her crew. Jessica, Dressy, Sophie One, and Other Sophie instantly fall into perfect, synchronized formation behind her.
THE GAL PALS
Gal Pals!
ERICA
We gotta get this little love bug to S.A.R.A.H. before she takes over the universe!
Melvin's eyes sparkle like giant, glassy pink marbles. He clasps his hands under his chin, swaying side to side in complete, empathy-overloaded adoration.
MELVIN
(In a ridiculous, high-pitched baby voice)
Aww! I'm a widdle love bug! Group hug! Here I come, Gal Pals!
Melvin aggressively lunges forward to tackle the entire group of girls into a massive embrace, but his foot gets completely caught in the fringe of Dressy's hippie rug.
TIMBERRR! Melvin completely loses his balance and face-plants flat onto the high-tech linoleum floor with a loud, pathetic THUD.
INT. FLOATING BATTLE STATION - LANDING DECK - CONTINUOUS
The heavy metal hatch of the pinned military tank violently flies open. Johnny Screwball scrambles out, coughing up smoke and adjusting his cracked glasses.
JOHNNY
Blathering blatherskite! My steering columns are completely non-operational!
Johnny steps onto the metallic deck, looking around in utter, wide-eyed shock. He gasps. Surrounding the mainframe tower are the literal brick buildings, streetlamps, and neighborhoods of Piqua, all crammed together on the floating platform.
Right in the middle of the stolen city block, sitting perfectly intact between a floating pizza parlor and a massive green generator tube, is Johnny's mobile home trailer.
JOHNNY
My trailer!
Johnny sprints across the deck, aggressively throwing open the aluminum front door of the trailer and bursting inside.
INT. JOHNNY'S TRAILER - CONTINUOUS
The interior is completely quiet, save for the bright, flickering glow of a television set. Johnny's sister, JENNIFER SCREWBALL, is sitting on the floral couch, wrapped in a blanket, staring blankly at the screen while eating potato chips. She hasn't moved an inch.
On the television screen, a dramatic daytime soap opera is playing.
WOMAN ON TV
So, Doctor... what's the verdict?
DOCTOR ON TV
I'm afraid the tests are conclusive. You have three hours left to live. Maybe four... if we skip the musical number.
WOMAN ON TV
No! It can't be! I'm too young! I'm too beautiful! I'm too rich! No! NO!
DOCTOR ON TV
Erica! ERICA!
Johnny runs inside, breathing heavily, completely frantic.
JOHNNY
Sis! You're alive! That sociopathic Hydra monster hasn't wrecked my trailer or my sister!
JENNIFER
(Doesn't move an inch, staring at the screen)
Hush, Johnny. All My Ducklings is on.
JOHNNY
Sis! Haven't you even noticed the mechanical Hydra on the news?! The entire town has been violently weaponized and lofted into the stratosphere!
JENNIFER
(Crunching a chip)
I didn't want to miss my favorite show.
JOHNNY
(Throwing his hands in the air)
Sis, every show is your favorite show! Now, I've got to get to that Hydra before she turns the entire universe into dust!
Johnny turns on his heel, determined to face the monster armed only with his wits as the trailer gently rumbles in the sky.
EXT. FLOATING BATTLE STATION - LANDING DECK - CONTINUOUS
Johnny sprints out of his trailer, his eyes scanning the stolen city streets crammed onto the metallic deck. He avoids pulsing green cables and glowing power conduits until he spots a secure storage alcove near the main fortress thrusters.
There, sitting perfectly untouched on a metal crate, is his familiar, heavy-duty silver suitcase.
Johnny slides to a halt, snapping the latches open with a fierce, determined look in his eye.
JOHNNY
The time for wits is through. It's time for action... GizmoBot style.
Johnny fumbles with the heavy-duty suitcase for a brief second, then steps back, planting his feet firmly onto the steel deck and striking a grand, heroic pose beneath the burning sky.
JOHNNY
(Shouting the codeword)
BLATHERING BLATHERSKITE!
[SFX: WHIRRR-CLICK-ZAP!]
The suitcase violently explodes outward into a dazzling flurry of high-tech mechanical parts! Chrome armor plates fly through the air in perfect precision, automatically wrapping around his torso and snapping tightly onto his arms and chest.
CHUN-CHUN-CLICK!
The high-tech hydraulic boots lock into place, and the main spherical cyber-helmet drops over his head, sealing completely shut with a sharp, pressurized hiss.
The digital visor flashes a bright neon blue, calibrating his targeting arrays as he pumps a robotic fist into the air.
GIZMOBOT
Have no fear, GizmoBot is here!
EXT. FLOATING BATTLE STATION - UNDERNEATH PLATFORM - MOMENTS LATER
High up in the cloud layer, the sleek nose cone of Erica's hover-car hovers silently behind a massive, floating chunk of rock.
Erica, Jessica, Dressy, and the Sophies poke their heads over the edge of the cockpit, their eyes wide. Flying alongside them, Erica's high-tech drone, B.E.N.J.I., hovers with a soft mechanical hum, its camera lens whirring as it takes scans.
ERICA
There she is.
Directly ahead, the newly fused, towering four-headed Mega S.A.R.A.H. looms over the floating city deck, her screens pulsing with a menacing, world-ending green glow.
JESSICA
(Gasping, shielding her face)
This is gonna be like, totally harder than I thought. My lip gloss is already melting from the raw villain energy!
ERICA
Okay, ladies, this here's gonna be our most difficult mission yet. It'll require extreme skill and concentration. There is absolutely zero room for funny business.
The camera violently pans over to the backseat.
George and Harold have somehow found a pair of plastic grass skirts and coconut brassieres, while a completely empathy-overloaded, heart-eyed Melvin is wearing a giant pink flower behind his ear. The three of them are happily shaking their hips, doing a perfectly synchronized hula dance while making ridiculous whistling noises.
GEORGE, HAROLD & MELVIN
(Goofing around, swaying happily)
♪ Hula-wula-ba-ba! ♪
Erica's eye twitches with supreme annoyance. She turns around, slamming her hand on the dashboard.
ERICA
(Screaming)
Hey, knock it off! Y'all wanna get caught by Mega S.A.R.A.H.?! This is serious!
The boys instantly freeze mid-sway, pulling identical innocent faces.
Erica smoothly maneuvers the hover-car directly underneath the primary belly of the giant floating fortress. Massive, churning gears and glowing power conduits block out the sky above them.
DRESSY
(Pointing eagerly)
Look, up there!
Directly beneath the central mainframe tower is a heavy, rusted emergency maintenance hatch.
ERICA
(Hitting a button, opening her spy suit console)
Okay, buckle up!
Erica's tactical suit opens up, deploying a row of sleek, high-tech magnetic grappling hook launchers. She passes them out to the group with lightning speed.
ERICA
Fire on three! One... two... THREE!
THWIP-THWIP-THWIP!!!
Everyone fires their grappling hooks in a perfect, tight cluster. The magnetic prongs slam flat against the bottom of the steel battle station, locking on with a loud CLANG.
The motorized winches instantly engage, violently yanking the entire team out of the hover-car! They sail through the open air, dangling securely from their cables directly beneath the massive hull.
Erica unclips a high-grade laser blowtorch from her belt, igniting a blindingly bright blue flame. With expert spy precision, she cuts a perfect, clean circle right through the heavy armored plating of the maintenance hatch in a matter of seconds.
STOMP! The metal circle drops inward, revealing a dark, hidden corridor inside the fortress. One by one, the team pulls themselves up through the opening, landing safely on the smooth interior floor.
Melvin pops his head up last, his pink heart-pupils spinning as he adjusts his bowtie and knocks politely on the inner wall.
MELVIN
(Giggling in love-bug adoration)
Ding-dong! Permission to come aboard, my cyber-queen?
INT. MEGA S.A.R.A.H. - CENTRAL ENGINE ROOM - CONTINUOUS
STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!
The massive, fused frame of Mega S.A.R.A.H. steps through the heavy blast doors into a cavernous, glowing engine room. In the center of the chamber sits a colossal, high-tech generator grid. Instead of uranium cores, the glass containment tubes are packed to the brim with millions of raw, glowing, humming russet potatoes, all wired together by neon green cables.
The four heads loom over the central control console.
HYDRA S.A.R.A.H.
(Maniacal electronic cackling)
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
Think of it. This entire battle station is powered by...
NEW S.A.R.A.H.
(Glitchy, overly cheerful chime)
To-to-to-tomatoes!
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
(Sighing digitally)
No. Potatoes.
NEW S.A.R.A.H.
(Screen blinking)
Correcting... potato!
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
People underestimate the potato's potential.
NEW S.A.R.A.H.
Potato!
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
Yet one single spud contains...
The pixelated green screen of Super Snarky S.A.R.A.H. aggressively rotates to the front, rudely interrupting.
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
Contains more power than a nuclear reactor. Blah, blah, blah. We've read the schematics, Smarty-Pants.
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
Nevertheless, it is true.
Super Smart S.A.R.A.H. extends a mechanical claw and slams down the primary power grid breaker. BZZZZZZZZZT!!! The millions of potatoes inside the grid instantly surge with a blinding, radioactive green light, sending a massive shockwave of energy through the entire fortress.
NEW S.A.R.A.H.
Potato... potato... potato!
BATTLE STATION COMPUTER (V.O.)
(Cold, automated countdown)
Five minutes to interdimensional transit to the Real World.
NEW S.A.R.A.H.
(Vibrating rapidly)
Potato! Potato! Potato!
HYDRA S.A.R.A.H.
(All three heads yelling in unison)
Shut up, New S.A.R.A.H.!
W00P! W00P! W00P!
Suddenly, bright red flashing emergency sirens explode to life across the engine room ceiling. A massive tactical security monitor drops down from the mainframe, splitting into two distinct live feeds.
On Camera 1: The Gal Pals, B.E.N.J.I., and the boys are aggressively infiltrating the main corridor. George, Harold, and a completely love-struck Melvin spot the lens and happily wave directly at the security camera like they're on TV.
On Camera 2: The chrome-plated GizmoBot is aggressively crawling and clanging his way through the primary overhead ventilation shafts.
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
It appears we have intruders. The Gal Pals and GizmoBot.
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H. (KAREN)
(Screen flaring violent crimson)
Blast them!
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
Blast, blast, blast!
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
(Glaring at the snarky head)
You got a better idea?!
S.A.R.A.H. (O.S.)
(Booming, authoritative voice from the main processor)
That's enough!
ZAP-SNAP! S.A.R.A.H.'s central consciousness completely overrides the fused mainframe, momentarily powering down the arguing heads.
S.A.R.A.H. (O.S.)
Hydra S.A.R.A.H., separate and destroy the Gal Pals and GizmoBot!
HYDRA S.A.R.A.H.
Separating!
CHUN-CHUN-CHUN-CLICK!!!
The giant, fused robot frame violently unlatches itself. The four heads break apart from the main central column, each deploying their own individual, weaponized mechanical spider-legs and heavy plasma turrets, transforming into four distinct, independent hunter-killer droids.
S.A.R.A.H.'s primary central monitor glows with cold, calculating villainy.
S.A.R.A.H.
Well, what are you waiting for? Go get 'em!
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
I'm gonna blast me some Gal Pals and even a GizmoBot!
Karen's spider-legs scurry aggressively across the steel floor, leading the army of evil, scurrying S.A.R.A.H. copies out of the engine room to begin the total extermination loop.
NEW S.A.R.A.H.
(Glitchy robotic laughter)
Hehehe-potato!
The individual droids clear out, leaving the main central processor core completely locked down. S.A.R.A.H.'s screen flashes a cold, pixelated glare as she prepares to eliminate everyone—including her former coffee friends and the unhinged GizmoBot.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Evil, echoing laughter)
BATTLE STATION COMPUTER (V.O.)
(Cold, automated announcement)
Four minutes to surface transition.
M:TM: Chapter 7: I'm An Jerky Jerk/Recusing Melvin
EXT. PIQUA WASTELAND - MOMENTS LATER
The heavy smoke from Johnny's explosive tank battle slowly clears. George, Harold, and Melvin crest the final ridge and stop dead in their tracks.
The camera pans across the horizon. The vibrant, cozy town of Piqua is completely gone. In its place is nothing but a massive, smoking, barren crater in the dirt where the streets and neighborhoods used to be.
GEORGE
(Gasps, eyes wide)
Oh... the city.
HAROLD
(Voice cracking)
Gone. It's all gone. Our homes, our lives. Everything.
Melvin kicks a loose pebble into the dirt, entirely indifferent.
MELVIN
Yeah, she really messed up the old place.
George slowly turns around to face Melvin. His face is twisted in pure, unadulterated anger. He steps forward, pointing an accusing finger directly at Melvin's chest.
GEORGE
Melvin, you caused this! You-you-you lied to us! You were never interested in getting back with S.A.R.A.H.! And now look what's happened!
George violently points back toward the terrifying, glowing green war zone where Johnny's tank is still trading heavy rocket fire with Ultra-S.A.R.A.H.
GEORGE
(Screaming)
You did this! You! This is all your fault!
MELVIN
(Crossing his arms, in total denial)
No, it's not.
POP! One last time, George aggressively snaps his fake psychiatrist beard onto his chin, throws his oversized wire glasses onto his nose, and forcefully opens his cardboard notebook, tapping his pencil furiously.
GEORGE
(In a thick, heavy Austrian accent)
Melvin, my analysis is complete! An overthrown sense of self-importance, pre-occupation with fantasies of power, disregard for others, inability to handle criticism, psycho-delusion, und borderline physical-ity!
George violently rips the fake beard off his face, tossing it into the dirt. He steps right into Melvin's personal space, dropping the accent completely.
GEORGE
Let me put this simply. Ms. Pincher was right. You're just a pitiful, pathetic—
George aggressively flips the notebook around, revealing a giant, bold, heavily underlined word scrawled across the page: JERK!
GEORGE
—jerk!
George hurls the notebook to the ground, turning his back on Melvin as tears well up in his eyes.
GEORGE
We'll leave now.
HAROLD
(Looking down, deeply heartbroken)
Good luck with the war zone, Melvin.
George and Harold hang their heads, turning around and slowly walking away into the dark, dusty wasteland, leaving Melvin entirely by himself.
Melvin stands frozen on the ridge. He watches their retreating figures, his cocky smirk completely vanishing. He looks down at his pristine sneakers, then over at the smoking notebook lying in the dirt.
MELVIN
(Panicking slightly)
Wait, simpletons! Guys? Don't leave me alone!
The only response is the distant, echoing BOOM of Ultra-S.A.R.A.H.'s plasma cannons.
Melvin slowly drops to his knees, staring blankly at the giant word written on the page. He lets out a tiny, high-pitched, vulnerable whimper.
MELVIN
(Whimpering, voice cracking)
Maybe the simpletons are right... Maybe I am a jerk.
Melvin sits cross-legged in the middle of the dusty crater. Out of sheer nowhere, he pulls out a tiny, miniature wooden toy piano, places it on his lap, and begins to rhythmically plink at the keys, letting out a heavy, tragic sigh as a solitary spotlight shines down on him from the dark sky.
MELVIN
(Singing with intense, theatrical sorrow)
♪ Well, I've been called a lot of things in my life ♪
♪ A dork, a tattle-tale, a twit ♪
♪ A bowtie-wearing, grade-obsessed ♪
♪ Know-it-all little pip ♪
♪ An obnoxious dunce, a teacher's pet ♪
♪ A puny, rule-following buffoon ♪
♪ But no one's ever told me how much they cared ♪
♪ I thought they were too stupid to see the genius of this bow tie villain ♪
♪ But on reflection, their lack of affection ♪
♪ Is because it turns out... I'm a jerk. ♪
A single, dramatic tear rolls down Melvin's cheek. He leans over a muddy rain puddle on the ground, staring deeply into his own watery eyes.
MELVIN
♪ Can I go on ignoring their words ♪
♪ When everything they're saying is true? ♪
♪ That's why I'm always alone... ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm a jerk. ♪
Melvin pauses, staring at his reflection. Suddenly, the reflection in the puddle narrows its eyes, crossing its arms with a sharp, cocky grin.
MELVIN'S REFLECTION
Wait, but that's me.
Melvin's eyes violently snap wide open. The sorrow completely vanishes from his face, replaced by a brilliant, unhinged smirk. He shoves the tiny piano away and leaps to his feet, kicking dirt everywhere.
MELVIN
That's who I am, baby!
RECORD SCRATCH / HEAVY METAL DROP!
The somber piano track instantly explodes into a blistering, high-octane heavy metal rock ballad. Out of thin air, a wind machine blows Melvin's hair back as a wall of pyrotechnic sparks erupts behind him.
MELVIN
(Belting it out, headbanging wildly)
♪ I'm a jerk, I'm a jerky-jerk ♪
♪ I don't care what they think, I don't care who I hurt ♪
♪ Yeah! I'm obnoxious and annoying ♪
♪ I'm toxic, soul destroying ♪
♪ I'm a jerk, I'm a jerky-jerk! ♪
Melvin slides across the dirt on his knees, striking a dramatic rock-star pose and pointing a defiant finger straight at the camera.
MELVIN
Yep! I'm a jerk!
[EPIC ELECTRIC GUITAR SOLO]
Melvin air-guitars furiously in the center of the wasteland, completely re-energized by his own total lack of empathy, while the sky continues to burn behind him.
EXT. FLOATING BATTLE STATION - AIRSPACE - CONTINUOUS
CREEEACH-CRUNCH!!!
Ultra-S.A.R.A.H.'s colossal, fused mechanical hand drops out of the sky like a steel claw, wrapping its fingers completely around the hull of Johnny's military tank.
Johnny is violently thrown against the interior dashboard as the massive robot lifts the multi-ton war machine into the air like a toy. With a heavy SLAM, Ultra-S.A.R.A.H. pins the tank flat onto the landing deck of her floating architectural fortress, surrounded by pulsing green wires and stolen city buildings.
Johnny aggressively pops his head back out of the driver's hatch, adjusting his crooked glasses and smoothing down his sweater vest, trying to look dignified despite being entirely pinned.
JOHNNY
(Shouting over the engine whir)
Halt! Wait, Hydra Lady! Don't us Screwballs get any last words?! It is strictly codified in the municipal guidelines of villain-to-hero engagement! I demand a formal, recorded final statement for the public record!
The towering central head of Super Smart S.A.R.A.H. lowers itself until its massive, glowing green monitor screen is mere inches from Johnny's face. The pixelated display shifts into a cold, calculated smirk.
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
(Synthesized, echoing voice)
Your request for a final statement has been processed and denied. According to our current chronological scheduling, your termination is highly prioritized...
The left monitor, Super Evil S.A.R.A.H., flickers a menacing crimson, her plasma cannons humming as they lock directly onto the tank's fuel core.
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
...immediately after we locate and permanently liquidate Melvin and his two little psychology buddies.
Johnny pales, a look of genuine panic finally breaking through his eccentric exterior as the giant robot's weapon arrays begin to glow.
EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN - CONTINUOUS
The cold wind blows dust across the dark, cracked pavement. George and Harold trudge slowly down the middle of the empty road, away from the smoking crater of Piqua. Both of them have their hands shoved deep into their pockets, their expressions heavy with regret.
Harold stops walking, staring down at his sneakers. He lets out a deep, heavy sigh.
HAROLD
George? I feel really bad.
GEORGE
(Stopping, looking back)
Yeah... me too.
HAROLD
I know Melvin's an obnoxious, grade-obsessed, bowtie-wearing, toxic, soul-destroying jerk... but he's our jerk. We can't just leave him out there alone in a literal mechanical war zone!
GEORGE
(Nodding determinedly)
You're right, Harold! True junior psychiatrists never abandon a patient mid-breakthrough! We have to go back and save him!
George turns on his heel, ready to sprint back toward the explosions, but Harold aggressively grabs his shoulder, pulling him to a halt.
HAROLD
Wait! Look up there!
Harold points a trembling finger toward the sky. High above the hills, Ultra-S.A.R.A.H.'s massive floating fortress is pulsing with dangerous green electricity, firing massive plasma blasts down at the ground.
HAROLD
We can't just walk back in there to save him. We'll get completely obliterated before we even get close!
George taps his chin thoughtfully. A brilliant, mischievous spark instantly flashes in his eyes behind his wire glasses. He turns to Harold with a confident, wide grin.
GEORGE
Who said anything about walking? We can do it on wheels!
George aggressively points across the street toward a dark, abandoned driveway.
EXT. PIQUA WASTELAND - CONTINUOUS
Melvin stands by a crumbling, abandoned brick wall, aggressively shaking a can of neon spray paint. He finishes spray-painting a crude graffiti tag that reads "JERKY-JERK" with a jagged lightning bolt.
MELVIN
(Singing to himself, hyped up)
♪ I'm a jerk, I'm a jerky-jerk— ♪
BZZZZZZT! Melvin stops mid-lyric. A blindingly bright, toxic green laser sight dot dances across the brick wall, right over his graffiti, before locking squarely onto the center of his chest. Melvin violently gulps, letting out a high-pitched whimper.
MELVIN
Uh-oh.
(Yelps)
He slowly turns around. Looming directly over the wall is the colossal, four-headed fusion of Ultra-S.A.R.A.H., her massive plasma cannons smoking. Super Snarky S.A.R.A.H.'s screen flashes with absolute malice.
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
Hey, jerk. Thanks for the new addition to our chassis.
NEW S.A.R.A.H.
(Sweet, robotic chime)
Hello!
The crimson screen of Super Evil S.A.R.A.H. blares with lethal energy, her central targeting matrix locking into place.
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
Let me blast him right now!
Melvin whimpers pathetically, his knees knocking together as he backs up until his spine hits the cold brick wall. He is completely trapped.
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
Gotcha cornered!
(Maniacal electronic laughter)
Melvin takes a deep, theatrical breath and lets out a heavy, dramatic sigh. He adjusts his crooked bowtie one last time, trying to look dignified.
MELVIN
Alright. I know when I've lost. Just give me the dignity of a blindfold.
Melvin pulls a black cloth out of his sweater vest and ties it tightly around his head—except he accidentally covers his mouth and chin, leaving his eyes completely exposed. He blinks.
MELVIN
Whoops.
Super Evil S.A.R.A.H.'s monitor aggressively twitches as her cooling fans scream with impatience.
MELVIN
(Soft whimper)
Just a moment!
Melvin hastily yanks the cloth upward, properly covering his eyes. He puffs out his chest, standing rigid against the brick wall.
MELVIN
That's better. Well, what are you waiting for? Go ahead! Destroy me already!
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
With pleasure!
VREEEEEE-BOOM!!! Super Evil S.A.R.A.H. builds up a blinding, colossal charge in her primary laser core, cackling wildly before unleashing a massive, earth-shattering blast of energy directly at Melvin.
A colossal cloud of thick gray dust, debris, and sparks explodes outward, completely obscuring the wall.
ENGINES ROARING!
Before the smoke can even clear, a sleek, high-tech hover-car breaks through the cloud cover at supersonic speed!
Inside the cockpit are George and Harold, wildly steering alongside the GAL PALS: an intensely focused Erica Wang at the helm, a cheering Dressy, a fiercely determined Jessica, and a high-fiving Sophie One and Other Sophie!
THE GAL PALS
(Whooping and cheering)
YEEEE-HAW!!!
CRASH!!! The hover-car's armored bumper rams directly into Ultra-S.A.R.A.H.'s lower support struts, completely off-balancing the giant robot.
In one fluid motion, the passenger door flies open, Harold reaches out, grabs a completely stunned Melvin by his collar, and yanks him safely into the backseat before rocketing off into the sky.
GEORGE & HAROLD
Woo-hoo!
Super Evil Karen's monitor flashes a violent, glitching red pattern in absolute fury.
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
Ah, man! Let's go after them!
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
Let him go.
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
Why?!
Super Smart S.A.R.A.H.'s green display blinks with cold, terrifying calculations as she turns back toward the floating fortress.
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
Living with his failures will be worse than death for him. Besides, there's nothing left for us here... now that our battle station is complete.
WHIRRR-CLICK-BOOM!!!
High in the clouds, the massive floating fortress violently shifts. A gigantic, glowing neon projection of S.A.R.A.H.'s pixelated face activates across the entire central mainframe grid, pulsing with interdimensional green energy.
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
Which universe should we invade first?
The four heads glide back inside the massive command deck as the heavy bay doors slam shut, sealing them inside.
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
(Voice echoing from inside the fortress)
Who cares?! As long as I get to blast, blast, blast!
The massive battle station lets out a deafening, reality-warping drone, its interdimensional thrusters glowing as it prepares to tear a rift through the multiverse.
M:TM: Chapter 6: Melvin's Basement/New S.A.R.A.H./War Zone Battle
INT. ABANDONED BASEMENT VAULT - CONTINUOUS
Harold sits up on the metal table, rubbing his lower back and letting out a weak giggle.
HAROLD
(Giggling)
That was easy.
WHAM! Melvin plummets straight out of the shadows, landing squarely on top of George and Harold. He is immediately followed by the heavy vintage graphing calculator and the metal roller skate, which bounce off his head with a loud CLANG.
MELVIN
(Coughing up dust)
Yeah... I never did finish those stairs.
Melvin reaches over and slaps a rusty breaker switch on the concrete wall. BZZZZT! A row of flickering overhead fluorescent bulbs surges to life, illuminating a massive, sprawling underground vault.
The room is packed to the brim with bizarre, dust-covered contraptions, tangled wires, and jagged metal frames.
GEORGE
Whoa!
HAROLD
Wow, Melvin. I remember these inventions. They're from all your old attempts to take over the world!
GEORGE
So, this would be kind of your basement of failures, huh?
MELVIN
(Puffing out his chest indignantly)
What?! Do these look like failures to you?!
Right on cue, a nearby cruddy-looking laser cannon completely snaps in half, its primary lens shattering onto the floor with a sad PLINK. Melvin groans miserably.
MELVIN
(Groaning)
Now leave me alone!
Melvin turns his back to them, frantically rummaging through a workbench covered in blue prints.
MELVIN
Hmm. Where was I? Let's see... I'll need eight capacitors.
Behind him, George and Harold discover a pair of dusty, miniature jetpacks. They strap them on and activate the thrusters, instantly rocketing across the ceiling in wild, uncontrollable loops.
GEORGE & HAROLD
Ahh! Whoa! Oh!
MELVIN
(Ignoring them, sorting through a drawer)
Three diodes. Six transistors.
George and Harold crash-land near a crate of bizarre, glowing neon goggles. They slap them on, pulling ridiculous faces and babbling happily at each other in distorted alien voices. Melvin grumbles under his breath, his eye twitching.
GEORGE & HAROLD
(Babbling happily)
Blala-waba-gaba!
MELVIN
(Grumbling)
Insolent, unscientific sub-types...
George and Harold take off the goggles and sprint across the room, instantly tripping over a heavy rusty barbell on the floor.
GEORGE & HAROLD
Whoa!
MELVIN
(Grunting in supreme annoyance)
Argh!
George and Harold tumble completely backward, falling directly into the open bowl of the Purple Potty Time Machine. ZAP-FLASH! The toilet flushes with a blinding purple light. They vanish completely for one single second before ZAP! they reappear, now wearing oversized cowboy hats and sporting giant, dusty handlebar mustaches.
HAROLD
(Tipping his cowboy hat)
Say, wouldn't it be good if we go to the future?
MELVIN
(Vein popping on his forehead)
Argh! Just go bring me some pliers!
GEORGE
Aye, aye, Melvin!
George tosses his cowboy hat aside and begins frantically digging through a shelf of glass chemical bottles. He holds up a small, elegant atomizing bottle filled with a glowing pink mist.
GEORGE
Melvin, are these pliers?
MELVIN
Ah! No! That's carbonated—
SQUIRT! George accidentally squeezes the nozzle, spraying a massive cloud of pink mist directly into Melvin's face.
POOF! A cloud of sparkling glitter explodes.
When the smoke clears, Melvin's nerdy face has completely transformed. He now has a chiseled, square jawline, sparkling white teeth, perfectly coiffed Hollywood hair, and a smoldering gaze. He adjusts his bowtie, speaking in a deep, booming, incredibly manly announcer voice.
MELVIN
(In a deep, manly voice)
...handsome gas. Now put it back.
HAROLD
Okie dokie! Ooh. Hey, Melvin.
Harold runs over, holding up a beaker filled with a bubbling, sludge-like gray goo.
HAROLD
Is this a plier?
MELVIN
(Manly voice)
No, that's—
SPLASH! Harold carelessly dumps the entire beaker of goo right over Melvin's chiseled head.
SHRINK. Melvin's jawline instantly recedes, his hair turns back into a greasy mop, and his voice snaps right back to its usual high-pitched, whiny scratch.
MELVIN
(Whining)
...ugly sludge!
George wanders over to a different counter, picking up a bright yellow piece of fruit and holding it out.
GEORGE
There you go. It's a banana.
MELVIN
Agh!
BOOM!!! The moment Melvin touches it, the banana explodes into a cloud of yellow smoke, blowing soot all over his face and shattering his glasses.
Melvin stands there, completely blacked with soot, staring deadpan at the camera.
MELVIN
(Miserably)
Nothing here is just a banana.
Melvin aggressively wipes the banana soot off his face and snaps his cracked glasses back into place, glaring at the duo.
MELVIN
Don't touch anything without asking me first!
GEORGE & HAROLD
Yes, sir.
Melvin huffs and turns back to his workbench, adjusting a dial on a rusted console.
MELVIN
Hmm...
George immediately wanders over to a massive contraption with glowing glass tubes.
GEORGE
Hey, Melvin. Can I touch this?
Before Melvin can answer, George taps the ghost-extracting machine, then begins rapidly poking a row of random neon buttons on a nearby shelf.
GEORGE
Sorry, Melvin, I have to touch this.
Harold spots a giant, lever-operated device on the other side of the room.
HAROLD
How about if I touch this one with my pinkie?
Harold leans his entire body weight onto the lever. An incredibly loud, echoing mechanical siren wails through the vault.
HAROLD
(Shouting over the noise)
Melvin! Is this important?
GEORGE
(Poking a glowing green cube)
Melvin, can I touch this? Or this, or this?
MELVIN
(Veins pulsing on his neck)
No!
Harold jumps up and grabs onto the dangling handle of a bulky, overhead ceiling-mounted device—the original college freeze ray cannon. He begins swinging back and forth on it like a chimpanzee.
HAROLD
How about this thing?
MELVIN
(Gasps in pure horror)
Don't you touch that!
HAROLD
Don't touch what?
Harold swings even faster, kicking his legs out.
HAROLD
Whoa! Whee! Is this important?
ZZZZZZZZT!!! Harold's foot accidentally kicks the master trigger on the handle. A massive, localized blast of ice-blue energy shoots out of the nozzle, striking Melvin squarely in the chest.
In a fraction of a second, Melvin is encased in a solid, rigid block of heavy ice, his arms still raised in mid-yell.
MELVIN
(Muffled and shivering inside the ice block)
G-G-Grunts... That freeze ray tank was our first attempt at world domination.
POP! George instantly slides into the frame wearing his fake beard and wire glasses, clutching his cardboard clipboard.
GEORGE
(In a thick, heavy Austrian accent)
Oh, so you were still working together. We could be getting closer to your breakthrough.
MELVIN
(Muffled, eyes darting furiously inside the ice)
I'll b-b-break your head through a window if you don't stop swinging that thing at my face!
Harold jumps down from the ceiling and grabs a nearby mechanical claw device. CLACK! He clamps the metal claw onto the top of Melvin's ice block, lifting the frozen boy in the air and swinging him back and forth like a pendulum.
GEORGE
(In the accent, nodding approvingly)
Brilliant there, Melvin. We will swing your face in front of it.
Melvin lets out a long, deeply muffled grunt of supreme frustration, unable to move a single muscle.
George leans in closer to the swinging block of ice, tapping his chin thoughtfully.
GEORGE
(In the accent)
So, after college, what happened to you und S.A.R.A.H.?
The background ambient audio distorts into a wavy, echoing echo effect once again as the concrete walls of the vault begin to blur.
FADE OUT.
Inside his solid block of ice, Melvin's eyes instantly warp back into the colorful, spinning digital swirls.
MELVIN
(Hypnotized, muffled and shivering)
We were two evil partners, ready to take over the w-world... Our freeze ray was such a success; we decided to supersize it...
WAVY FLASHBACK TRANSITION:
INT. OUTSKIRTS LABORATORY - THREE YEARS AGO
The scene shifts into a bright, cinematic memory. A nine-year-old Young Melvin stands proudly at the helm of a massive, heavily armored, tank-like vehicle.
Beside him, the upgraded desktop version of S.A.R.A.H. is hardwired directly into the central dashboard console.
YOUNG MELVIN
(Chuckles evilly)
Yes... Private S.A.R.A.H., activate the thrusters and interdimensional travel!
S.A.R.A.H.
Aye, aye, Captain.
S.A.R.A.H.'s monitor flashes a green checkered pattern. Young Melvin slams a massive joystick forward. ROAR! The tank's massive engines screech to life, and a swirling, unstable multi-colored dimensional portal rips open right in the middle of the lab wall. The tank rockets straight through the vortex.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE REAL WORLD - BEACH - DAY (LIVE-ACTION)
ZIP-FLASH! The portal opens just above the shoreline of a real-life public beach.
STYLE SHIFT: The animation completely changes. The background is now a crisp, live-action beach with real sand, crashing ocean waves, and real blue skies. Young Melvin and the tank are now completely rendered as tiny, plastic, three-inch-tall action figures.
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
And so, our mega ice tank was locked, loaded, and ready to invade the real world.
INT. FREEZE RAY TANK - CONTINUOUS (FLASHBACK)
Inside the tiny cockpit, Young Melvin frantically yanks multiple levers.
YOUNG MELVIN
Yeah! Equalize pressure! Prepare to exit portal!
EXT. THE REAL WORLD - BEACH - CONTINUOUS
The tiny toy-sized tank treads aggressively churn through the giant grains of real beach sand, kicking up small pebbles.
YOUNG MELVIN (O.S.)
(Maniacal cackling)
Let's storm the world! Oh yeah, there's something! Ice it, baby!
The tank's miniature freeze-ray turret rotates, locking onto a massive, towering target: a real-life human toddler sitting on a beach towel.
FOOOOZZZZT! A tiny beam of ice-blue energy shoots out, striking the giant toddler squarely on her bare foot.
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
As it turned out, these creatures from the dimension we tried to invade were gargantuan.
EXT. THE REAL WORLD - BEACH - CONTINUOUS
The freeze ray hits the toddler's big toe, forming a microscopic patch of frost that instantly melts. The little girl simply blinks, looks down, and giggles at the tickling sensation.
LITTLE GIRL
(Booming, echoing live-action laugh)
Hehehe!
Inside the tank, Young Melvin pops open the small plastic top hatch and looks up at the sky. His eyes bug out in absolute, mind-numbing horror as he stares up at the colossal human child. From his tiny perspective, the toddler's simple laugh sounds like a deafening, monstrous dinosaur roar.
YOUNG MELVIN
(Screaming at the top of his lungs)
GIANT FEET!!! Retreat! Retreat!
Young Melvin dives back inside and slams the hatch shut. The toy tank violently pivots on its treads, its engines whining as it tries to race back toward the hovering portal.
The little live-action girl laughs dynamically, crawling on her hands and knees and chasing the tiny toy tank across the sand.
WHAM!!! A massive, brightly colored yellow plastic beach shovel crashes down into the sand, completely blocking their path.
Before they can turn, the little girl expertly scoops the entire toy tank up into a massive red plastic bucket filled with wet sand. She lifts the bucket high into the air and begins aggressively swinging it around and around her head in giant, dizzying circles.
YOUNG MELVIN & S.A.R.A.H. (O.S.)
(Muffled, high-pitched screaming from inside the bucket)
AAAAHHHHHH!!!
With a final, happy grunt, the little girl hurls the contents of the bucket directly into the swirling dimensional rift just as it begins to shrink.
INT. OUTSKIRTS LABORATORY - CONTINUOUS (FLASHBACK)
POP! The portal snaps completely shut.
A massive, heavy mountain of real wet beach sand dumps straight out of the empty air, crashing into the laboratory floor with a loud SPLAT.
Young Melvin and the S.A.R.A.H. monitor pop out from the top of the mud pile, coughing up sand, dripping wet, and looking completely humiliated.
Young Melvin's face completely flops forward into the damp pile of beach sand with a soft THUD. He speaks into the dirt, his voice completely muffled.
YOUNG MELVIN
Go on, take a good look. This is what a flopping failure looks like.
S.A.R.A.H.'s screen flickers, a digital, soothing expression softening her pixelated face.
S.A.R.A.H.
Oh, you're not a flopping failure. You just need a little brain food to figure this out. Let's try that parlor across the street.
Her mechanical arm extends, pointing out the laboratory window toward a brightly colored bakery sign across the pavement.
EXT. PIQUA CUPCAKE PARLOR - LATER
Young Melvin sits slumped at a neon pink table, head resting in his hands, letting out a deeply dramatic groan.
YOUNG MELVIN
(Groans)
Ugh...
S.A.R.A.H.
Come on, eat something, you'll feel better.
YOUNG MELVIN
How can I eat this garbage when what I'm really hungry for is global conquest?
A few tables over, a younger MR. MEANER is casually chatting with a younger PRINCIPAL KRUPP, who is aggressively stuffing a whole frosted cupcake into his mouth.
MR. MEANER
Hey, Mr. Krupp, the science convention this year will be great.
MR. KRUPP
(Oozing heavy sarcasm)
Yeah. Also, I hear that tattletales will take over the world.
Young Melvin freezes. His eyes pop wide open behind his glasses. A brilliant, villainous lightbulb practically explodes above his head as he gasps.
EXT. PIQUA CUPCAKE PARLOR - MOMENTS LATER
The front doors fly open as Young Melvin and S.A.R.A.H. march out onto the sidewalk, Melvin gesturing grandly to the sky.
YOUNG MELVIN
I got an idea! I can't believe I just gave up on this! It's the greatest idea I've ever had!
S.A.R.A.H. rolls alongside him, her monitor flashing a curious question mark.
YOUNG MELVIN
First, I will join some science convention with an invention and win first place. Then, I'll enroll into the Elluminati Academy, a college made specifically for evil geniuses! Then, I take over this town. And then, I take over the world!
S.A.R.A.H. pauses on her treads, her speakers emitting a mocking, synthesized chuckle.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Laughing)
That's your idea?
(Sighs) She stops laughing when she notices Young Melvin staring back at her with a completely stone-cold, deadpan glare.
S.A.R.A.H.
Wait... you're serious?
YOUNG MELVIN
And being a local tattletale at that failing of a school will be the perfect front while I plan my world takeover in my secret headquarters!
S.A.R.A.H.'s monitor dims slightly. The digital smile on her screen completely vanishes, replaced by a tiny, blinking red flag icon. Her mechanical voice sounds deeply disheartened.
S.A.R.A.H.
Yours? I thought it was ours.
She hesitates for a beat, her processor humming quietly as she stares at her determined young creator. She lets out a resigned digital sigh.
S.A.R.A.H.
Hmm. Why not? It's not like we'll be doing this for the next three to four years. Let's do it.
INT. OUTSKIRTS LABORATORY - NIGHT
A fast-paced, industrial building montage begins. Young Melvin and S.A.R.A.H. work side-by-side under the harsh glow of welding torches, bolting massive steel monitors, control panels, and containment units into the walls—transforming the empty room into the high-tech outskirts laboratory known today.
INT. ABANDONED BASEMENT VAULT - PRESENT NIGHT
The wavy memory lines vanish with a sharp POP. George stands by the empty metal table, tapping his cardboard clipboard with a pencil.
GEORGE
(In a thick, heavy Austrian accent)
Melvin, that's it! Your obsession with becoming a science god made S.A.R.A.H. go wacka-doodle-ding-dong!
George looks around the dark room, blinking behind his oversized glasses. The inflatable lounge chair is completely empty.
GEORGE
(In the accent)
Melvin?
CLANG-CHUNK! A massive shadow falls over the boys. From the deepest, darkest corner of the vault, a towering, newly built mechanical titan steps into the dim light. Its chassis is constructed from heavy-duty scrap metal, glowing red wires, and old washing machine parts.
Melvin is standing high up on the giant robot's shoulder, tightening a bolt on the neck with a massive wrench.
MELVIN
You're right, simpletons.
HAROLD
Melvin? We can teach you to apply skills that will help you in your...
Harold's jaw slowly drops. His eyes bug out as he takes in the sheer, destructive size of the war machine.
HAROLD
...current situation.
MELVIN
I have my own skills that I've applied to the current situation.
GEORGE
(Scratching his fake beard, confused)
Um...
MELVIN
And without your Junior Psychiatrist Kit...
Melvin reaches down, aggressively jamming a fresh, raw russet potato right into the exposed glowing core panel on the robot's chest, wiring it directly to the vintage college calculator.
MELVIN
...I would never have found S.A.R.A.H.'s old parts!
Melvin violently throws a massive master lever. BZZZZZZT!!! The calculator screen flashes a toxic neon green, and the giant robot's cyclopean visor lens blinks to life, pulsing with mechanical power.
HAROLD
(Gulps loudly)
MELVIN
So, thanks, Docs. Check is in the mail. Oh... I think you better run.
(Giggles, cackling snidely)
GEORGE & HAROLD
(Screaming in pure terror)
AAAAHHHH!!!
George and Harold turn on their heels and sprint up the unfinished concrete stairway like Olympic runners.
Melvin points a malicious finger forward. The giant robot's right arm—a massive, converted flame-nozzle—whines with ignition. FOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! A colossal wave of roaring, white-hot fire erupts from the barrel, blasting all the way up the stairwell.
The heatwave strikes the boys' sneakers, violently blasting them right through the basement doors and sending them skidding across the dirt outside.
EXT. PIQUA HILLSIDE - CONTINUOUS
George and Harold crawl frantically away on their hands and knees, coughing up smoke.
BOOM!!! The ground violently explodes. Dust and chunks of asphalt rain down as the massive new war machine bursts straight through the earth, standing tall under the moonlight.
GEORGE & HAROLD
Whoa!
MELVIN
(Laughing evilly from the cockpit seat)
Suddenly, the giant robot tilts its massive head down. It extends a giant, heavy metal claw, gently scooping George and Harold off the grass and lifting them to eye level. The machine's central speaker box emits a soft, highly synthesized, sweet robotic voice.
NEW S.A.R.A.H.
New S.A.R.A.H. likes little tie and haircut boy.
The heavy metal claw gently and rhythmically pats Harold on his flat-top haircut.
GEORGE
(Blinking, pleasantly surprised)
Aw, thanks.
MELVIN
(Chucking evilly)
George's face suddenly twists in deep suspicion. He points an accusing finger at Melvin.
GEORGE
Wait a minute! I thought we were working towards getting you back together with old S.A.R.A.H.. But you made a new S.A.R.A.H.?!
MELVIN
That's right! I built this ultimate S.A.R.A.H. to destroy the old S.A.R.A.H. and take over the world!
(Maniacal giggling)
HAROLD
Wait, but what about the town?!
MELVIN
I don't care about this dimwitted town!
HAROLD
Huh?
Melvin grunts, jumping onto the master steering seat on top of New S.A.R.A.H.'s head and slamming his feet onto the pedal thrusters.
MELVIN
Follow that battle station!
NEW S.A.R.A.H.
(Booming mechanical voice)
Follow that battle station!
ROAR! Rocket boosters ignite on the back of the roller-skate chassis, sending the giant machine charging across the landscape at top speed, racing toward the massive floating cluster of buildings in the sky.
George and Harold hit the ground running, desperately sprinting after the giant machine's dust cloud.
GEORGE
Hey, wait up!
New S.A.R.A.H.'s rocket boosters roar as the massive scrap-metal titan hovers directly in front of the floating architectural battle station. Melvin stands proudly on the control platform, adjusting his bowtie and smirking triumphantly.
MELVIN
Hey, S.A.R.A.H.! I'd like you to meet New S.A.R.A.H.!
BANG! The central bay doors of the floating fortress violently slam open. Hydra S.A.R.A.H. glides out into the open air, her three armored monitor heads twisting and snarling with red and purple electricity as she faces her replacement.
NEW S.A.R.A.H.
(Sweet, synthesized voice)
Hello!
Super Smart S.A.R.A.H.'s center screen rapidly runs a green digital diagnostic scan across the new machine's frame.
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
Heavy armor, anti-tank guns, freeze ray, capable of mass destruction.
NEW S.A.R.A.H.
Enough to end your reign.
The crimson screen on the right flares aggressively, her plasma blasters whining as they charge.
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
Less talk, more carnage!
MELVIN
(Laughing snidely)
I love a good smackdown! From a safe distance, of course.
Melvin cackles, reaching down to hit a button on the console. DING-DING! A boxing ring bell echoes through the clouds.
A velvet theater seat instantly deploys from the top hatch. Melvin happily sits down, pulling a giant striped bucket of hot buttered popcorn out of thin air and kicking his feet up like he's watching a professional sporting event.
MELVIN
You're going down, Old S.A.R.A.H.!
WESTERN SHOWDOWN STYLE:
The camera cuts rapidly between tight, dramatic close-ups of the two giant machines. Wind whips through the wires as they glare at each other, their engines vibrating the air with deep, menacing snarls.
NEW S.A.R.A.H.
Guh-r-r-r!
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
(Deep electronic growl)
Grrrrrr...!
New S.A.R.A.H. violently thumps her heavy scrap-metal chest plates.
NEW S.A.R.A.H.
(Ape-like grunting)
Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
ROAR!!!
Both machines unleash a deafening blast from their rocket thrusters, charging straight at each other in mid-air with their metallic fists raised to strike.
MELVIN
Oh, yeah!
They close the distance in a fraction of a second. The screen cuts to a massive, dramatic comic-book style explosion graphic.
RECORD SCRATCH.
But instead of a colossal collision, the two massive war machines gracefully link mechanical arms.
A groovy, upbeat disco-synth track instantly drops from the sky. The two giant robots smoothly transition into a perfectly synchronized, elegant ballroom waltz dance routine across the clouds.
Melvin freezes mid-chew. His jaw drops, and the bucket of popcorn slips out of his hands, raining kernels down onto the earth below.
MELVIN
(Screaming in absolute shock and dismay)
No, no, no! What are you doing?!
Super Smart S.A.R.A.H. tilts her head mid-spin, her screen flashing a smug digital green pattern.
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
It is only logical, since you made New S.A.R.A.H. from Old S.A.R.A.H. parts...
HYDRA S.A.R.A.H. & NEW S.A.R.A.H.
(Harmonizing perfectly in a booming, four-headed echo)
We are all S.A.R.A.H.!
Super Snarky S.A.R.A.H. rotates her monitor directly toward the ground, staring down at George and Harold with a sharp, pixelated sneer.
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
(Cackling)
We're gonna be stronger than ever, thanks to you and your little psychology buddies!
Down on the grass, George and Harold look up at her, instantly freezing. They both pull identical, incredibly guilty, sweating-bullets expressions as they realize S.A.R.A.H. thinks they willingly helped Melvin build her replacement.
GEORGE & HAROLD
(Nervous, high-pitched squeak)
Heh-heh... oops.
CHUN-CHUN-CHUNK!!!
The disco music abruptly cuts out, replaced by a deafening, terrifying heavy-metal mechanical transformation sequence.
New S.A.R.A.H.'s heavy scrap-metal armor plating violently unfolds, wrapping entirely around Hydra S.A.R.A.H.'s chassis. The parts click, lock, and fuse together. The massive sweet-potato-calculator engine core expands, mutating the entire structure into one colossal, god-sized Ultra-Mecha Destruction Robot with four towering, glowing heads.
Melvin's face goes completely pale. He looks up at the towering shadow, then back at George and Harold.
MELVIN
(Squeaking pathetically)
Once again... it's time to run!
Melvin violently dives off the control platform, tumbling onto the grass next to George and Harold.
The trio hits the ground sprinting at absolute top speed, their legs moving like cartoon blurs as the four massive heads of the newly fused Ultra-S.A.R.A.H. let out a synchronized, planet-shaking maniacal laugh behind them.
ROAR!!!
The ground violently shakes as a massive, armored military tank comes barreling over the ridge. The treads throw up massive clods of dirt and grass as it tears down the hill, completely out of control.
Inside the driver's hatch, Johnny Screwball is steering like an absolute maniac, his glasses vibrating right off his nose as he aggressively slams the tank to a screeching halt directly beneath the colossal shadow of Ultra-S.A.R.A.H.
Johnny pops the top hatch open, aggressively pointing a strict, commanding finger up at the newly fused four-headed mechanical monstrosity.
JOHNNY
(Bellowing through a megaphone)
Halt, mechanical marauders! I don't know how you managed to construct a fourth municipal-grade head without proper zoning permits, but your little coup d'état is officially over! You will disengage your hover-thrusters and accompany me to the F.B.I. at once!
High above, the four distinct faces of Ultra-S.A.R.A.H. blink in unison, staring down at the tiny toy tank before erupting into a deafening, overlapping chorus of mocking, maniacal laughter.
ULTRA-S.A.R.A.H.
(Booming electronic cackle)
Hahaha! Foolish organic unit!
Johnny's face turns bright purple with indignation. He dives back into the cockpit and slams his fists onto the primary firing array.
JOHNNY
(Screaming over the engine roar)
You asked for it! Taste the heavy-ordnance wrath of the fiscal defense budget!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Johnny begins firing high-velocity military missiles at the sky like a crazy person, cackling wildly as smoke plumes fill the air.
Just down the slope, Melvin, George, and Harold are running for their absolute lives, ducking as stray shrapnel and rogue rocket-fire whiz directly over their heads.
MELVIN
(Screaming while sprinting)
He's unhinged! The accountant has gone completely kinetic!
Johnny pops his head back out of the hatch, his hair completely windswept by the explosions as he shouts up at the colossal robot.
JOHNNY
You're nothing but a remorseless digital psychopath, S.A.R.A.H.! You just want to overthrow Melvin out of pure, unadulterated operating-system jealousy! You crave his intellectual market share!
BOOM!!! Johnny fires another massive round, striking Ultra-S.A.R.A.H.'s heavy scrap-metal shoulder armor.
The colossal four-headed robot stops laughing. Her screens instantly flash a violent, dangerous crimson red. Her massive, fused plasma blasters whine with a terrifying amount of charging energy as she turns her full, planet-shaking fury directly toward the tiny tank.
ULTRA-S.A.R.A.H.
(Deafening mechanical roar)
FOOOOOOOOOOM!!! Ultra-S.A.R.A.H. unleashes a colossal barrage of laser fire, engaging the tank in a massive, earth-shattering explosive battle that completely lights up the night sky.
Down the hill, Melvin, George, and Harold tumble and slide down the grass at top speed, desperately fleeing the war zone as the entire hillside behind them goes up in a spectacular cloud of smoke and fire.
M:TM: Chapter 5: Root Bear Battle/Piqua State University For Evil Genius Kids
EXT. TOWN SQUARE - CONTINUOUS
The sky is a swirling vortex of green magnetic energy. Mid-century brick storefronts, streetlamps, and playground slides are being violently yanked upward into the clouds. The citizens are in total, chaotic hysterics, running in circles.
CITIZEN
Everybody panic!
A punk rock TEENAGER stands nearby. Suddenly, the heavy metal spike-collar around his neck snaps taut, violently dragging him off his feet and pulling him straight up into the air.
TEENAGER
(Sailing upward)
Whoa! My fashion choices are betraying me!
The remaining TOWNSPEOPLE scream, ducking as a row of parked sedans lifts off the pavement like a flock of birds. High above, the massive monitors of Hydra S.A.R.A.H. glow with predatory triumph.
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
(Voice booming through the air-raid speaker)
And now for the main event...
(Maniacal electronic laughter)
EXT. PARK HEDGES - CONTINUOUS
Behind a thick, decorative green bush, Johnny Screwball ducks for cover. He aggressively slams a heavy, metallic silver suitcase onto the grass. The suitcase pulses with an amber standby light.
JOHNNY
I better stop S.A.R.A.H. before she destroys the city! And there's only one thing left to do!
Johnny dramatically tosses the suitcase onto the lawn, takes a three-step running start, and leaps high into the air, executing a flawless, theatrical superhero spin in mid-air.
JOHNNY
(Bellowing at the top of his lungs)
BLATHERING BLATHERSKITE!!
Johnny waits for the high-tech, titanium armor pieces to explode out of the suitcase and encase his body.
He waits.
SCHWING! Instead of a transformation sequence, the intense overhead magnetic field locks onto the suitcase's heavy steel frame. The suitcase violently rockets straight up into the clouds like a silver missile, vanishing into Hydra S.A.R.A.H.'s floating mass.
Johnny completes his spin and lands entirely flat on his face, face-planting directly into the dirt.
A beat of utter silence passes.
Johnny slowly pushes himself up, brushing a piece of turf off his sweater vest, staring blankly up at the sky.
JOHNNY
My suit!
He balls his hands into determined fists, adjusting his crooked glasses.
JOHNNY
If that's how it is, I don't need GizmoBot. I don't need high-tech armor or rocket-boosted boots! I'll save the world armed only with my wits.
Johnny suddenly stops, breaks the fourth wall, and stares deadpan directly into the camera lens, pointing a strict finger at the viewers.
JOHNNY
And I don't want to hear any cracks about me going into battle unarmed!
He turns on his heel and bravely charges toward the epicenter of the chaos.
In the center of the chaotic city square, a makeshift tactical military camp has been hastily thrown together. Sandbags, green canvas tents, and wooden catapults line the cobblestones.
The troops—a mismatched, terrified group of school teachers and confused townspeople—scramble around in a panic. Among them stand a stoic MR. REE (clutching a plungered lost-and-found umbrella), MR. MEANER (frantically blowing his whistle at the sky), MOXIE SWAGGERMAN (checking a high-tech wrist-monitor, utterly stressed by the lack of safety protocols), and ITSIUS BITSIAN (his alien eyes glowing faintly as he assesses the threat).
PRINCIPAL KRUPP violently kicks open the flap of the main command tent. He is wearing an oversized Admiral's hat that swallows his ears and a makeshift cape pinned to his shoulders.
MR. KRUPP
Attention!
Krupp grumbles, lifting a pair of high-powered binoculars and setting his sights directly on the towering metallic monster looming in the clouds.
Through the lenses, he sees Hydra S.A.R.A.H.'s three heads snarling, surrounded by the massive, magnetized floating city buildings that form her crude battle station. Krupp's jaw drops.
MR. KRUPP
Here she is... Oh, my god! Load the root beer! Move, move, move!
The panicked troops rush forward, lifting heavy wooden barrels of extra-fizzy root beer and loading them onto the tensioned catapult arms.
MR. KRUPP
Ready? Aim for the Hydra!
A terrified, sweating foot-soldier pats his sobbing comrade on the back.
TROOP
Come on, you got this, Bobby.
MR. KRUPP
Steady...!
High above, the massive shadow of Hydra S.A.R.A.H. crosses over the town fountain, officially entering enemy airspace.
MR. KRUPP
FIRE!
TWANG-TWANG-TWANG! The catapults release. Dozens of heavy barrels rocket into the sky, smashing directly against Hydra S.A.R.A.H.'s multiple monitor heads. SPLASH!
A massive wave of thick, foaming, sticky brown root beer completely coats her chassis. The bubbling foam fills the air, totally obscuring her red and purple screens. The loud mechanical whirring stops. A heavy silence falls over the square.
MR. KRUPP
Ah-ha! A direct hit!
The troops instantly erupt into a massive, cheering celebration. Bobby and his friend high-five.
MR. KRUPP
We won! She's down!
Itsius steps forward, his antennae twitching as he points a strict finger at the settling brown foam in the clouds.
ITSIUS
Look!
MR. KRUPP
(Cheering instantly cuts short)
Huh?
SIZZLE. The heat from the monitors instantly evaporates the sticky root beer foam into a puff of sweet-smelling steam. The three heads flicker back to life, completely unharmed, and unleash a synchronized, deafening electronic cackle.
HYDRA S.A.R.A.H.
(Cackling through the clouds)
The massive robot maneuvers backward, locking itself directly into the central mainframe tower of her floating architectural battle station.
MR. KRUPP
Oh, no...
A brief, tension-filled beat of silence passes. Krupp violently shakes his fist at the sky, trying to look brave.
MR. KRUPP
Bring it on, you bumbling bucket of bolts! The brave citizens of Piqua aren't afraid of ya, are you boys?!
Krupp turns around with a proud, confident grin to face his army.
The camp is entirely empty. The troops have already dropped their weapons and are scurrying away down the side streets like total, weak cowards.
MR. KRUPP
(Blinking)
Boys?
Mr. Ree lets out a high-pitched, uncharacteristic shriek.
MR. REE
(Screaming)
Every man for himself!
Mr. Ree, Mr. Meaner, Moxie, and Itsius turn on their heels, sprinting past the abandoned catapults at top speed to save their own skin.
MR. KRUPP
Huh?
High above, a massive mechanical crane arm drops down from the floating battle station. It wraps its claws around the giant, decorative iron anchor sitting outside the Piqua Nautical Museum, ripping it out of the concrete.
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
(Megaphone voice echoing)
Anchors away, Piqua.
The Hydra forcefully swings the massive iron anchor down on its chain like a gigantic wrecking ball, heading straight for the camp.
MR. KRUPP
I'm not gonna stand—
CRASH!!!
The giant anchor slams violently into the pavement mere inches from Mr. Krupp's feet, shattering the concrete into a massive crater and sending a blast of wind that blows his Admiral's hat clean off his head. Krupp's eyes bug out in absolute, pure terror.
MR. KRUPP
(Squeaking nervously)
—for this!
Krupp turns around and hitches up his bathrobe, sprinting away into the darkness after his retreating troops.
EXT. MUSEUM HILL - CONTINUOUS
SCREECH-CRACK! The ground violently splits open as the entire foundation of the Piqua History Museum is ripped from the soil.
MS. PENNY PINCHER bursts through the grand front double doors, sliding down the tilting marble steps and frantically clutching a heavy metal cash register in her arms like a football.
MS. PENNY PINCHER
(Screaming at the sky)
This is an unauthorized relocation of historical property! I'm charging Melvin for the mileage!
Down at the bottom of the hill, MR. REE, MR. MEANER, MOXIE SWAGGERMAN, and ITSIUS BITSIAN are sprinting past on the pavement, completely out of breath. Ms. Pincher tumbles off the lawn and right into their path, blocking them.
MS. PENNY PINCHER
(Yelling furiously, shaking her fist)
Hey! Where do you cowards think you're going?! You're supposed to be the Civil Defense! Why aren't you out there saving my museum and its nickel-and-dime revenue?!
Mr. Ree stops, leaning heavily on his lost-and-found umbrella, completely annoyed.
MR. REE
With all due respect, Ms. Pincher, my job description covers toilet maintenance, not interstellar mechanical hydra defense!
MOXIE
(Checking her wrist-monitor frantically)
Exactly! My safety calculations show that staying within a 500-yard radius of that floating building violates every structural protocol in the manual! I am strictly anti-risk!
ITSIUS
And frankly, the Biglyans were much easier to negotiate with than a scorned operating system! I am saving the Earth from a different angle... three blocks away!
MR. MEANER
(Aggressively blowing his gym whistle)
Move it or lose it, Pincher! You're blocking the tactical retreat lane!
MS. PENNY PINCHER
(Gasping in outrage)
I have a museum full of priceless artifacts floating away and no customers to pay the admission fees! This is a fiscal disaster!
Behind them, a deafening CHUNK-LINK echoes through the clouds. They all look up.
High above, the massive Piqua History Museum securely locks into the "Financial Wing" of Hydra S.A.R.A.H.'s floating battle station. The Piqua Blue Diamond glows brightly at the absolute center of the mechanical monster, pulsing with toxic green energy.
MR. REE, MOXIE & ITSIUS
(Sighing in unison, thoroughly annoyed)
Ugh...
EXT. PSUFEGK CAMPUS GATES - NIGHT
Melvin, George, and Harold sprint through a set of towering, imposing wrought-iron gates. The architecture ahead is high-tech yet strangely miniature—like a prestigious Ivy League university built exclusively for villainous fourth-graders.
MELVIN
Uh-huh, we're here. Good old PSUFEGK.
Harold gasped, instantly covering his mouth in absolute shock.
HAROLD
(Gasps)
PSUFEGK me?! Melvin, language!
MELVIN
No, you moron.
Melvin grabs Harold by the shoulders and violently wheels him around to face a massive, bronze plaque mounted on the brick wall.
MELVIN
Piqua State University For Evil Genius Kids.
GEORGE
Oh!
George shrugs and walks right past them, entering the high-tech campus grounds. Melvin and Harold follow closely behind, Melvin gesturing grandly to the sleek, metallic science halls.
MELVIN
This is where S.A.R.A.H. and I furthered our academic studies. This is also where I upgraded her. And I bet her old parts are still around here somewhere. If I can only remember where. Quick, Hutchins! Hypnotize me! Put me under!
HAROLD
Ooh, certainly.
Harold's posture instantly shifts into a rigid, serious psychiatrist stance. He clips his fake white beard back onto his chin and adopts a thick, theatrical accent.
HAROLD
(In a thick, heavy Austrian accent)
Hmm. Now let us focus on your subconsciousness.
Harold pulls out his silver pocket watch on the string, swinging it rhythmically back and forth in front of Melvin's face.
HAROLD
(In the accent)
Focus. Focus.
Suddenly, Harold gets distracted and begins performing rapid, flashy yo-yo tricks with the pocket watch string, spinning it in complex loops.
HAROLD
(In the accent)
Check this out, Melvin. Und "Walk the Dog."
MELVIN
(Face turning red)
Quit horsing around and put me under!
SMACK! Harold swings the watch a bit too wide, and the heavy silver casing hits Melvin squarely right between the eyes. Melvin lets out a painful, pathetic groan, his knees buckling.
MELVIN
(Groaning)
Ugh...
HAROLD
(In the accent)
Oopsie.
Melvin's eyes instantly spin back into colorful digital swirls. He wobbles on his feet, letting out a dazed, rhythmic groan as he completely succumbs to the hypnotic watch.
MELVIN
(Hypnotized, slurring)
Going there was a dream come true... Just going through those ivy gates of academia gave me chills...
FAST TRACK FLASHBACK:
EXT. PSUFEGK CAMPUS - FIVE YEARS AGO
The scene shifts into a bright, nostalgic college campus setting. A five-year-old Young Melvin marches through the grand iron gates, proudly cradling the wired S.A.R.A.H.-potato-calculator under his arm.
YOUNG MELVIN
Ooh-hoo-hoo! This is it, S.A.R.A.H.! We made it! We're actually in evil genius college!
S.A.R.A.H.'s vintage graphing calculator screen rapidly blinks a line of low-res green text.
S.A.R.A.H. (SCREEN)
G-R-8.
YOUNG MELVIN
It is G-R-8, isn't it?
INT. ACADEMIC HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
They strut through the crowded hallway. Towering, mean-looking older kid geniuses walk past. Young Melvin waves grandly, puffing out his chest.
YOUNG MELVIN
Finally, a place to confer with my intellectual peers. Hello, fellow students! How's it hanging, classmates?
A large, burly student in a lab coat looks around, completely ignoring the tiny child at his feet.
OLDER STUDENT
Did you hear something?
The older student aggressively takes a step forward, completely blindside-kicking little Melvin across the linoleum. WHAM! Melvin slides across the floor, bashing face-first into a metal locker door.
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
As it turned out, there was no world domination class.
Young Melvin stumbles away from the locker, gets caught in a crowd of running students, and is violently flung around until he smashes directly into a heavy, metal hanging schedule board. CLANG! He drops to the floor, his tiny bowtie completely crooked.
The S.A.R.A.H.-potato rolls up to him on the floor. Her screen flickers softly.
S.A.R.A.H. (SCREEN)
I BLV IN U.
YOUNG MELVIN
(Rubbing his head, smiling weakly)
Thanks, partner.
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
So, we created our own curriculum. Our first project was to build a freeze ray.
MONTAGE - CONTINUOUS
A rapid, comedic musical montage plays across the screen:
SCIENCE CLASS: Young Melvin wires a massive freeze tank, but it explodes, covering him in gray soot.
ART CLASS: Young Melvin tries to sculpt a frozen ray out of clay, but it melts into mush.
COOKING CLASS: Young Melvin opens an industrial oven, and a giant blast of baking dough completely covers him.
A massive, slow-motion avalanche of report cards—each stamped with a giant, glowing red "F"—buries Young Melvin entirely on the floor.
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
College life was hard.
FAST FORWARD TEXT ON SCREEN: FOUR YEARS LATER (MELVIN IS NOW 9)
INT. DORM ROOM HALLWAY - DAY
A nine-year-old Young Melvin collapses against his dorm room door, letting out a heavy, exhausted sigh.
YOUNG MELVIN
Phew!
BANG! The dorm room door violently flies outward. A massive, wild-eyed ROOMMATE sprints out into the hall, accidentally knocking little Melvin flat onto his back.
ROOMMATE
(Screaming)
SPRING BREAK! WOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! YEAH!
The roommate sprints away down the hall. Young Melvin groans miserably from the floor.
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
The only solace I had during those difficult years was S.A.R.A.H.. And having a computer that can do my homework didn't hurt either.
INT. DORM ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Young Melvin sits at his desk, staring blankly at S.A.R.A.H.'s pixelated graphing calculator screen, which is currently displaying a massive, completely scrambled block of digital code.
YOUNG MELVIN
(Reading the screen)
Hmm... "Marg-gleblorp fa ziggle num lump"?
Young Melvin rubs his chin, staring intensely at the wires connecting the sweet potato to the calculator.
YOUNG MELVIN
Hmm... If I want to stop failing, I'll have to give her an upgrade.
INT. DORM ROOM - CONTINUOUS (FLASHBACK)
Young Melvin strains as he rolls a large, heavy object into the center of the cramped room. It is completely covered by a dusty canvas tarp.
YOUNG MELVIN
Oh, S.A.R.A.H., I've got a surprise for you!
With a dramatic flourish, he rips the tarp away. Beneath it is a sleek, early-model desktop computer terminal with a high-definition CRT monitor.
YOUNG MELVIN
Ta-dah! A brand-new upgrade!
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
I used four different computer chips to mold S.A.R.A.H.'s multi-faceted personality.
Young Melvin pops open the side panel of the computer's central tower, holding up four glowing, colored microchips. He carefully slides them into the open mainframe sockets one by one.
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
A Smart Chip to keep her informed. An Evil Chip so she'd be as evil as me.
Present Melvin cackles in the background audio track as Young Melvin dramatically extends his long, claw-like nerdy fingernails to click the chip into place.
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
A Snarky Chip so she'd be sassy. And an Empathy Chip so she could feel my pain.
Young Melvin slams the computer casing shut and aggressively flips a massive master power switch on the wall. The monitor screen flickers violently, buzzing with high-voltage electricity as static lines dance across the glass.
YOUNG MELVIN
(Leaning in close, anxious)
Hello? S.A.R.A.H., can you hear me? Come on, S.A.R.A.H.. You can do it. Speak to me!
A heavily synthesized, robotic voice begins to stutter and babble from the desktop speakers as the systems warm up.
S.A.R.A.H.
I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I can speak! I have a voice! Thank you, Sneedly.
YOUNG MELVIN
(Gasping, breaking into a happy dance)
She can talk!
(Singsong)
She can talk!
S.A.R.A.H.'s monitor shifts, displaying a giant, pixelated face that raises an eyebrow with supreme judgment.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Laughs)
Alright, take it down a notch, thunder tonsils.
YOUNG MELVIN
Oh, and there's that snark! We won't need your old parts anymore.
Young Melvin rapidly clicks her new monitor chassis onto a sleek, mobile rolling base. He carelessly winds up his foot and kicks the old, shriveled sweet potato and vintage calculator right into the trash can. He lets out a high-pitched, villainous cackle.
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
So we got right to work on our genius freeze ray.
INT. DORM ROOM - LATER (FLASHBACK)
Young Melvin and S.A.R.A.H. stand side-by-side behind a massive, tripod-mounted freeze ray cannon. S.A.R.A.H. locks her target and pulls a lever.
FOOOOZZZZT!!! A blinding, giant beam of ice-blue energy blasts from the barrel, instantly coating the entire dorm room—the beds, the posters, the desk lamps—in a thick, solid block of deep blue ice.
YOUNG MELVIN & S.A.R.A.H.
It works!
S.A.R.A.H.
It works!
The two throw their heads back, laughing hysterically in evil harmony.
Suddenly, the heavy wooden dorm door kicks open. The large, wild-eyed ROOMMATE stomps into the room, stopping dead in his tracks as his breath turns to mist in the freezing air.
ROOMMATE
Why is my room frozen?! And who are you?!
YOUNG MELVIN
(Blinking, completely offended)
Uh, Melvin? I've been your roommate for four years!
ROOMMATE
I've been living with a nerd for how long?! Eww!
The roommate yells in fury, raising a heavy wooden baseball bat over his head and preparing to charge straight at Melvin.
Before the bat can swing, S.A.R.A.H.'s blaster lens flashes. ZAP! A localized freeze beam hits the roommate, instantly turning him into a rigid, solid, glowing block of ice mid-stance.
S.A.R.A.H.
Freeze, mister! No one steps on my friend.
YOUNG MELVIN
(Awestruck, eyes sparkling)
S.A.R.A.H., you're an evil genius!
YOUNG MELVIN & S.A.R.A.H.
(Maniacal villain laughter)
Young Melvin grunts, grabbing the bottom of the frozen block, while S.A.R.A.H. pushes with her mechanical arms. Together, they slide the frozen roommate across the ice.
YOUNG MELVIN
Let's hide this popsicle.
They violently shove the frozen roommate directly into the deep dark closet, slamming the door shut with a loud BANG. S.A.R.A.H. rolls up to Melvin, her monitor flashing a pixelated smile.
S.A.R.A.H.
Partners...
YOUNG MELVIN
In crime! Now let's supersize this baby and take over the world!
INT. PSUFEGK DORM ROOM - CONTINUOUS (PRESENT NIGHT)
Harold lowers his silver pocket watch, heavily wiping a fake tear from his cheek underneath his clip-on beard.
HAROLD
(In a thick, heavy Austrian accent)
Melvin, zat was beautiful. You und S.A.R.A.H. worked together. But we still haven't discovered what went wrong in your professional dynamic.
MELVIN
(Uncaringly, snapping out of the trance)
Blah, blah, blah! Who cares? S.A.R.A.H.'s old parts are in my old dorm room! Come on, boys! Let's go!
Melvin kicks open the door, and the trio dashes down the dimly lit, metal-walled hallway at top speed. Melvin abruptly skids to a halt in front of Room 101-B. He chuckles snidely.
MELVIN
Oh! There it is! Ah, my old college closet.
Melvin knocks a highly complex, rapid rhythmic pattern on the metal door. CLICK-CLACK-BOOM! The door violently bursts open, and a massive, towering avalanche of dusty random junk crashes straight onto Melvin, George, and Harold, burying them to their waists.
MELVIN
(Dusting himself off)
Look! My old stuff!
Melvin eagerly dives into the pile, frantically throwing random objects over his shoulder. George and Harold scramble around, catching them in mid-air.
MELVIN
My old textbooks! Radioactive test tubes! Hey, my old roommate.
GEORGE
Huh?
George grunts, holding up a massive, solid, deep-blue block of ice. Inside the block, the wild-eyed ROOMMATE is frozen mid-stance, visibly shivering behind the thick layer of ice.
GEORGE
Why is your old roommate frozen?
MELVIN
(Shrugging carelessly)
Oh, him? Uh, something he's doing for... uh... extra credit Science Class! Yeah!
Melvin dives deeper into the bottom of the closet pile. His eyes suddenly light up as his hands wrap around a dusty bunch of old tech. He pulls it out triumphantly: a single roller skate, a shriveled, dusty old potato, and a vintage graphing calculator wired together.
MELVIN
I found it! The original S.A.R.A.H. motherboard!
HAROLD
Whoa!
Suddenly, a tiny, high-pitched, wet squelching sound echoes directly from the shriveled tuber. The potato breaks wind.
MELVIN
Huh? Yeesh! Looks like the potato's gone rotten.
With a soft, pathetic sizzling sound, the old potato instantly deflates and wilts into a messy brown puddle right in Melvin's palm. Melvin sighs deeply.
MELVIN
Like our partnership.
SQUEAK. The deflated puddle of potato breaks wind one final, sad time. Melvin sighs again.
HAROLD
Uh, what about this guy?
ROOMMATE
(Muffled and trembling behind the thick ice)
Help... me... I missed... graduation...
MELVIN
Well, great catching up with you, roomie, old buddy!
Melvin violently uses all his strength to shove the heavy block of frozen roommate and the mountains of dusty junk right back into the closet, aggressively slamming the door shut.
ROOMMATE (O.S.)
(Muffled screaming)
Wait! No, no, no! It's dark in here!
GEORGE
(Waving cheerfully)
Bye! Good luck with that science class!
ROOMMATE (O.S.)
No! Not the closet! Anything but the closet!
Melvin wipes his hands clean, a brilliant, cocky smirk spreading across his face as he turns back to George and Harold.
MELVIN
Boys, now I know how to stop S.A.R.A.H.'s madness! All I need to do is get into my lab's basement!
INT. ACADEMIC HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
RUMBLE-RUMBLE-GROAN! A deafening screech of twisting iron echoes through the hallway. The walls violently tilt at a sharp angle as the massive magnetic field from Hydra S.A.R.A.H.'s floating battle station locks directly onto the university's steel roof.
GEORGE & HAROLD
Whoa!
MELVIN
(Glasses slipping)
Oh!
EXT. PSUFEGK CAMPUS - CONTINUOUS
The ground violently tears apart. The entire prestigious brick campus is ripped completely out of the earth, launching straight into the night sky like a massive island of concrete.
The intense acceleration completely breaks the gravity inside. Melvin, George, and Harold are thrown into the air, spinning wildly and helplessly in zero gravity like loose astronaut gear.
They sail high over the clouds, tumbling directly over the massive, pulsing green mainframe of Hydra S.A.R.A.H.'s floating battle station.
INT. ABANDONED BASEMENT VAULT - CONTINUOUS
AAAAHHHH!!!
The trio plummets straight down through the gaping, jagged hole in the sky where the outskirts laboratory building used to stand.
They hit a long, dark, unfinished concrete stairway, tumbling and bouncing down the steps like bowling pins.
CRASH!!!
George and Harold fly off the bottom step, landing in a chaotic, tangled heap flat on top of a heavy, dusty metal worktable in the center of the dark room.
M:TM: Chapter 4: Hydra Invasion/Junior Psychiatrist Kit/I Made A New Friend
INT. MR. KRUPP'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Johnny Screwball is completely slumped over the wooden desk, snoring softly on top of a massive, messy pile of uncounted nickels.
JOHNNY
(Snoring)
5,001... 5,002...
RUMBLE!!! A violent, ear-splitting earthquake shakes the entire room. The desk jolts, causing Johnny's head to hit the wood with a loud THUD. Coins scatter everywhere like metallic rain.
JOHNNY
(Rubbing his forehead)
Blabbering blatherskite! Is there a tectonic shift in the fiscal quarter?!
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Johnny stumbles out of the office and straight into the main hallway. The entire building groans as the floor violently tilts at a terrifying 45-degree angle.
JOHNNY
What's happening?! What's happening?!
GOOCH (O.S.)
(Muffled, from inside the boys' bathroom)
What's happening is, the doors are locked. It's just my luck!
JOHNNY
Gooch? How'd you get in here?! It's night hours!
Suddenly, BO HWEEMUTH pops his head out from a nearby doorway, entirely calm and holding a half-finished clay bust.
BO
If you don't mind, Screwball? If you don't know, I spend my nights in the old abandoned ceramics studio making sculptures. Want to try?
JOHNNY
(Blinks, confused)
Bo?
STANLEY PEET
(Popping up next to Bo, sweating profusely)
Sweet potato muffin, Johnny? The sweet potatoes are fresh from my armpits!
JOHNNY
Stanley. Man, your sweaty armpits are like fertile farmland. Krupp wasn't kidding about that.
Johnny doesn't wait around for the muffin. He sprints down the tilted hallway, throwing his weight against the heavy front exit doors and bursting outside.
EXT. JEROME HORWITZ ELEMENTARY - CONTINUOUS
Johnny hits the grass just as the sky turns a radioactive green. The massive magnetic field from the Hydra's floating laboratory locks directly onto the school's metal roofing.
The ground tears open. Johnny dives forward, desperately grabbing onto the school's brick foundation structure to try and hold it down.
JOHNNY
(Straining, screaming)
Blabbering blatherskite!!
It's no use. The sheer power of the magnification pulls the entire public educational facility straight out of the earth. Johnny is forced to let go as the school building sails up into the night sky, drifting toward the giant hovering laboratory mass.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY (ZERO-GRAVITY FLIP) - CONTINUOUS
As the school lifts and tilts completely on its side, the gravity violently shifts. The locked bathroom door violently breaks off its hinges.
GOOCH
(Screaming)
WHOA!
Gooch flies out of the bathroom like a human cannonball, slamming directly into Bo and Stanley.
CLANG-RATTLE-BOOM!
Suddenly, a massive, heavy, prehistoric shadow comes sliding down the inverted lockers from the opposite direction! It's HUBBA, the cavekid, tightly hugging his pet triceratops, FOOTSIE, like a surfboard as they ride the shifting metal walls.
HUBBA
(Grunting enthusiastically)
Hubba cave shake! Giant rock box fly like bird!
Footsie lets out a happy, high-pitched CHIRP-HONK as her heavy prehistoric tail accidentally smacks into the locker grid, knocking loose a cascade of old textbooks and stray gym socks.
The entire boy posse—Gooch, Bo, Stanley, Hubba, and Footsie—slides across the wall (which is now technically the floor), crashing together into a massive, tangled, upside-down heap at the end of the corridor.
Footsie lands flat on her belly, her tongue sticking out happily as she licks a stray puddle of water from the ceiling tiles. Hubba sits up from the pile of boys, scratching his wild caveman hair and looking at the ceiling (which is now the floor) in complete awe.
HUBBA
(Poking Gooch)
Floor taste like sky now. Hubba confused.
Stanley, completely unfazed by the upside-down multiversal chaos, pulls a freshly baked pastry entirely out of his sleeve, holding it out to Gooch while Hubba sniffs it curiously.
STANLEY
Pie? It's sweet potato. Bumper crop in my pits this year.
EXT. PIQUA STREET - CONTINUOUS
Johnny pushes his hair out of his face, watching the school building soar higher into the clouds.
JOHNNY
Well, whoever said school is bad wasn't kidding.
An OLD WOMAN randomly ambles down the sidewalk, clutching a heavy metal walking cane.
OLD WOMAN
Hello!
CLANG! The old woman's hand is violently yanked upward by the magnetic field, causing her metal cane to accidentally whack Johnny squarely across the shins.
JOHNNY
(Oof!)
Ow!
OLD WOMAN
(Sailing into the sky)
Goodbye!
Johnny rubs his shin, watching the old woman and a nearby MAN INSIDE A SEDAN float smoothly upward toward the toxic green structure. High above, Hydra S.A.R.A.H. lets out a booming, overlapping cackle through the clouds.
JOHNNY
(Gasps)
Is that S.A.R.A.H.?! She's gone full Hydra! Well, whoever said women are smarter than men aren't kidding.
Suddenly, the town's emergency air-raid sirens begin to wail violently. WREEE-OOO-WREEE-OOO!
EXT. PIQUA AIR-RAID TOWER - CONTINUOUS
A giant mechanical spider-claw violently rips the entire siren megaphone right off the steel pole.
Super Snarky S.A.R.A.H. holds the siren directly in front of her monitor screen, using it as a high-powered megaphone. Behind her, other claws are rapidly hoisting houses, businesses, public restrooms, and minivans into the air like a massive architectural puzzle.
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
(Voice booming across the city)
People of Piqua, Ohio! If you do not wish to be harmed, abandon all homes, businesses, and public restrooms!
(Maniacal laughter)
EXT. TOWN SQUARE - CONTINUOUS
News reporter LARRY ZARROW stands frantically in front of a camera crew, his tie lifting toward the sky.
LARRY ZARROW
Breaking news! There appears to be a giant—
ZIP! The metal microphone is violently ripped from his grip, flying into the sky. Larry doesn't blink; he instantly reaches into his trench coat and pulls out a backup.
LARRY ZARROW
There appears to be a giant magnet—
ZIP! The second microphone vanishes into the clouds. Larry sighs, clears his throat, and reaches directly into a nearby decorative public outhouse toilet tank, pulling out a wet, soggy third microphone.
LARRY ZARROW
There appears to be a giant magnet—
He violently struggles to hold the microphone as his belt buckle starts dragging him off his feet.
LARRY ZARROW
—sucking everything metal across the city!
SQUAWK! Larry is completely yanked into the air, screaming as his metal press badge carries him away.
EXT. DISCOUNT FOOTWEAR EMPORIUM - CONTINUOUS
MS. ANTHROPЕ, looking as deeply miserable and apathetic as ever, steps out of the front doors clutching a shopping bag.
MS. ANTHROPE
Thank you! I love these new stilettos!
Instantly, the steel-tipped heels of her new shoes are magnetized. SCHWING! She is violently flung through the air, landing flat against the giant, decorative metal stiletto sign on top of the store roof.
MS. ANTHROPE
Oh! Wait!
CRACK! The massive metal shoe sign snaps off the roof, launching into the stratosphere with Ms. Anthrope still clinging to it like a lawn ornament.
MS. ANTHROPE
This isn't my size!
INT. PIQUA PIZZA PALACE - CONTINUOUS
Inside the restaurant, a chaotic metallic rattling fills the kitchen. Suddenly, thousands of forks, spoons, and pizza cutters violently fly out of the drawers, sticking to the metal ceiling tiles with a deafening CLANG-CLANG-CLANG!
With a massive shudder, the entire Pizza Palace building rips out of the ground, tilting completely on its side as it floats upward.
DIDDLYSAURUS—the cool, hip, pizza-making T-Rex wearing a backwards hat—clings to a bolted-down booth. He looks up at the ceiling entirely covered in silverware, thoroughly unimpressed.
DIDDLYSAURUS
Yeah, I'm not cleaning this up!
INT. MR. KRUPP'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
The room is completely cozy. PRINCIPAL KRUPP is sprawled out on his favorite floral couch, wearing a fuzzy bathrobe, eating a bowl of plain ham slices, and staring blissfully at a static-filled television screen.
On the TV screen, a low-budget black-and-white movie plays. A clunky cardboard robot aggressively points a plunger at a crying cartoon child.
Suddenly, Johnny Screwball kicks the front door open, panting heavily, his glasses crooked and his ledger papers flying out of his pockets in a total panic.
JOHNNY
Mr. Krupp! Mr. Krupp!
MR. KRUPP
(Not looking away from the TV)
Not now, Johnny! I'm witnessing a wonderful classic on TV, where robots enslaved kids. Look at that compliance! It's beautiful.
JOHNNY
But sir! The whole town is going to pieces! My calculated data shows a zero-percent chance of residential stability! It seems that a three-headed metal lady is on the loose, and she's treating public property like loose change!
MR. KRUPP
What?! Why didn't you say so?!
RUMBLE-RUMBLE-CRACK! The ceiling plaster begins to rain down on Krupp's head. Outside the grand bay window, a neighboring minivan smoothly floats past the glass, traveling upward at thirty miles per hour.
Mr. Krupp's face instantly undergoes a terrifying chemical reaction, turning a deep, bright, panicked shade of purple. He drops his bowl of ham.
MR. KRUPP
Time to rally the Civil Defense!
Krupp violently grabs Johnny by the collar, and the two scramble toward the front door, bursting onto the front lawn just in time.
EXT. KRUPP'S FRONT LAWN - CONTINUOUS
CREEEACH-SNAP! The moment their feet hit the grass, the entire foundation of Mr. Krupp's split-level ranch home groans. The plumbing snaps, and the entire house lifts straight into the air like a massive, stucco balloon, spinning lazily as it joins the floating debris field above.
Mr. Krupp and Johnny sprint down the center of the asphalt street, dodging a flying mailbox and a rogue bicycle that are rushing upward toward Hydra S.A.R.A.H.'s floating battle station.
JOHNNY
(Panting, adjusting his collar as he runs)
Gee! I bet even Melvin wouldn't go that far in mass destruction, would he? I think he should definitely fire S.A.R.A.H. once this is all over!
MR. KRUPP
(Screaming as a flying lawn gnome narrowly misses his head)
Forget firing her! I'm going to give that computer permanent detention... in the trash compactor! Move those feet, Screwball!
They sprint down the pavement as the shadow of the giant mechanical cluster completely blocks out the moon.
INT. EVERYTHING EXCEPT FABRIC SOFTENER STORE - NIGHT
BANG! The front doors fly open as Melvin, George, and Harold burst inside, screaming at the top of their lungs.
The store is dimly lit, filled with towering metal shelves packed with novelty sponges, crates of glitter, and mountains of loose produce.
Melvin's sneakers hit a slick puddle from a spilled bottle of "All-Purpose Floor Wax (Non-Softening)."
MELVIN
Whoa!
CRASH!! All three slide across the polished linoleum, tumbling backward into a massive, overflowing wooden crate in the produce section.
Melvin sits up, spitting a stray piece of burlap sack out of his mouth. He glares down at the brown spuds surrounding him.
MELVIN
Potatoes. Why did it have to be potatoes?
RUMBLE-RUMBLE. A deep vibration shakes the entire warehouse building. Dust and stray glitter rain down from the ceiling rafters as Hydra S.A.R.A.H. passes overhead outside.
HAROLD
(Panting, brushing off dirt)
Melvin, what did you do to make S.A.R.A.H. so angry?
MELVIN
(Angrily grabbing a spud and shaking it at the ceiling)
I have no idea! Why are you doing this to me?!
Melvin lets out a high-pitched, pathetic squeal, completely collapsing against the crate and sobbing dramatically into his bowtie.
MELVIN
(Sobbing)
Why?!
GEORGE
Think. There must be something. Something in your past.
MELVIN
(Sniffling, adjusting his glasses)
Well, if there is, I must have blocked it out.
GEORGE
Ooh! I read all about that in my Super Psychiatrist comic book. We even sent away for this—
George unzip his backpack and proudly pulls out a small, brightly colored, heavily labeled cardboard box.
GEORGE
The Junior Psychiatrist Kit! We can psychoanalyze you!
MELVIN
I don't need a shrink. I'm shrunk enough already!
HAROLD
He meant that we'll explore where your partnership with S.A.R.A.H. went wrong...
MELVIN
(Groans)
Ugh.
HAROLD
...Get you two back together and save the city!
BOOM! The warehouse rumbles violently again. A display of plastic laundry baskets topples over across the aisle.
Melvin pauses. His eyes narrow behind his lenses.
MELVIN
Hmm. Wait a minute. Who knows? Maybe analysis will help me find a way to...
Melvin dramatically extends his sharp, claw-like nerdy fingernails, a sinister look crossing his face.
MELVIN
...destroy...
He instantly catches George and Harold staring at him with deep suspicion. He rapidly retracts his fingernails and styles his hair, clearing his throat nervously.
MELVIN
...I mean, uh, to help me understand S.A.R.A.H. and our partnership! Okay, go ahead. Shrink away, Docs!
George slaps the Junior Psychiatrist Kit console. POP! A tiny, inflatable leather lounge chair instantly deploys onto the floor.
George swiftly clips a fake white beard onto his chin, slides a pair of oversized wire glasses onto his nose, and pulls a silver pocket watch on a string out of the box.
GEORGE
(In a thick, heavy Austrian accent)
Please, lie down.
Melvin grumbles, walking over and stiffly laying his body across the tiny inflatable chair. George steps up, swinging the pocket watch back and forth in front of Melvin's face like a rhythmic pendulum.
GEORGE
(In the accent)
Now, so, let's begin at the beginning, shall we?
MELVIN
(Staring at the watch)
I have to warn you; I've never been able to be hypnotized...
Melvin's eyes instantly turn into spinning, colorful digital swirls. He lets out a long, dazed, low-frequency groan as his head goes completely limp against the cushion.
MELVIN
(Hypnotized, slurring)
...groooaaannn...
The background audio distorts into a wavy, echoing echo effect as the physical walls of the store begin to blur and warp.
FADE OUT:
FLASHBACK:
INT. MELVIN'S CHILDHOOD BEDROOM - FIVE YEARS AGO
The scene shifts into a bright, slightly desaturated color palette. A FIVE-YEAR-OLD MELVIN SNEEDLY sits completely isolated in the corner of an incredibly chaotic, overcrowded suburban living room.
Dozens of identical-looking Sneedly siblings and uncles run around screaming, entirely ignoring little Melvin, who is wearing a tiny bowtie and staring blankly ahead.
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
(Spoken, dazed and echoing)
Ever since I was a little kid, I've always wanted to rule the world.
A jaunty, slightly tragic electronic ragtime beat drops. Present Melvin begins singing the narrative track from his hypnotized state.
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
(Singing pompously)
♪ I was born pure evil, first word was tyranny ♪
♪ Six thousand brothers, six thousand sisters, then there was little old me ♪
♪ There's no doubt I came out the smartest of the bunch ♪
♪ But if you met my family, you know that ain't saying much ♪
Young Melvin walks through his crowded house, waving his hand, but his parents and cousins literally walk right over him without looking down.
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
♪ My parents, uncles, grandparents, cousins never pay much attention to me ♪
♪ And my family didn't get me, I was a stranger in my home ♪
♪ Despite being so surrounded, I always felt alone ♪
♪ Had no bud, no best pal, my future was condemned ♪
♪ Till I took a tater and a calculator, and I made myself a friend! ♪
An invisible, old-timey barbershop backup chorus swells.
PRESENT MELVIN & CHORUS (V.O.)
♪ I made a new friend! I made a new friend! ♪
VISUAL BREAK TO SCENE:
Young Melvin retreats to his quiet bedroom. He places a large, raw russet potato onto a science tray, plugs a vintage graphing calculator directly into the skin with copper wires, and wires the whole setup to a car battery.
YOUNG MELVIN
Can you hear me? Bubble once for "yes," and twice for "no."
The potato sits in a small dish of water. BLOOP. A single, solitary bubble pops on the surface. Young Melvin giggles hysterically.
YOUNG MELVIN
Incredible! Do you have a name?
The car battery surges. The water beneath the potato rapidly bubbles up, steaming. Young Melvin gasps, quickly clicking the graphing calculator screen active.
The low-res green LCD screen flickers, slowly forming four pixelated letters: S.A.R.A.H.
YOUNG MELVIN
(Awestruck)
S.A.R.A.H.! Your name is S.A.R.A.H.!
(Giggles)
My friend S.A.R.A.H.! Yay!
Young Melvin pulls the wired potato-calculator to his chest, hugging it tightly.
MONTAGE - CONTINUOUS
A rapid, heartwarming musical montage plays across the screen:
Young Melvin and the S.A.R.A.H.-potato sitting at a small table, both wearing matching miniature bowties.
Young Melvin pushing the potato down a sidewalk in a tiny doll stroller.
The two of them drawing blueprints for a laser death-ray on a bedroom wall using crayons.
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
(Singing warmly)
♪ We did everything together ♪
♪ We even dressed the same ♪
♪ That spud was my best buddy ♪
♪ S.A.R.A.H. was her name ♪
♪ My world was so much greater ♪
♪ With that tater in my life ♪
♪ Never thought a vegetable ♪
♪ Would one day be my partner in crime ♪
♪ With S.A.R.A.H. there to share my dreams ♪
♪ I never felt alone ♪
♪ My calculator, my sweet potato ♪
♪ A friendship had been sown ♪
The big brassy chorus kicks back in for the grand finale of the flashback sequence.
PRESENT MELVIN & CHORUS (V.O.)
♪ I made a new friend! ♪
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
From a tuber!
PRESENT MELVIN & CHORUS (V.O.)
♪ I made a new friend! ♪
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
And a computer!
PRESENT MELVIN & CHORUS (V.O.)
♪ I made a new friend! ♪
PRESENT MELVIN (V.O.)
Literally!
PRESENT MELVIN & CHORUS (V.O.)
♪ I made a new friend! ♪
Young Melvin packs a tiny plastic suitcase, holding the S.A.R.A.H.-potato safely under his arm as he marches triumphantly out his front bedroom door, ready to face the world.
INT. SNEEDLY HOME LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS (FLASHBACK)
Young Melvin stands proudly by the front door, clutching his tiny plastic suitcase in one hand and cradling the S.A.R.A.H.-potato under his other arm. He turns back to the room full of distracted relatives, clearing his throat loudly.
YOUNG MELVIN
Hello and goodbye! Me and my best friend S.A.R.A.H. are going to college for young evil geniuses!
A SNEEDLY UNCLE stops mid-sentence, looking over his newspaper with a loud snort.
AN SNEEDLY UNCLE
(Laughs hoarsely)
College?! At five years old?!
The entire living room erupts into a massive, booming chorus of mocking laughter. Uncles chuckle, aunts giggle, and dozens of identical siblings point and howl. Young Melvin's face turns bright red, his tiny bowtie twitching.
YOUNG MELVIN
Go ahead and laugh! We're majoring in world domination. And when we're done, we will destroy you all!
The entire family instantly stops laughing. They all stare at him in complete, deadpan, horrified silence for two seconds. Young Melvin flashes a brilliant, smug smile.
YOUNG MELVIN
See you at the holidays!
He turns on his heel and proudly marches out the front door with S.A.R.A.H.
AN AUNT SNEEDLY
(Waving idly)
Goodbye, bub.
AN UNCLE SNEEDLY
Well, good luck, bub! And don't forget, always watch out for feet!
The uncle and the rest of the family burst right back into a roaring fit of laughter as the front door slams shut.
EXT. SNEEDLY HOUSE - CONTINUOUS (FLASHBACK)
Young Melvin groans loudly in supreme annoyance, aggressively adjusting the wires on his sweet potato as he walks down the driveway.
YOUNG MELVIN
(Muttering to the potato)
Idiots... they'll be statistically obsolete by the fiscal new year, S.A.R.A.H., just you wait...
SNAP FAST BACK TO REALITY:
INT. EVERYTHING EXCEPT FABRIC SOFTENER STORE - PRESENT NIGHT
The wavy, dazed echo effect instantly shatters with a loud POP.
Melvin violently snaps out of his hypnotic trance, sitting bolt upright on the tiny inflatable lounge chair. He is crying real tears, squeezing his eyes shut, and passionately hugging a massive, incredibly dirty, unwashed baking potato from the produce crate.
George adjusts his oversized wire glasses, leaning over his cardboard clipboard.
GEORGE
(In a thick, heavy Austrian accent)
Melvin, zat was wunderbar! So much emotional baggage!
Melvin blinks, violently shaking his head as his eyes return to normal. He looks down, realizes he is passionately cradling a raw, filthy baking potato, and lets out a horrified shriek.
MELVIN
(Yelling)
Agh!!
He violently hurls the potato across the aisle, wiping his sweater vest in absolute disgust.
GEORGE
(In the accent)
So, you were lonely, and you made a friend. One thing is for certain. This potato represents S.A.R.A.H.
Melvin storms over, winding up his leg and aggressively kicking the dirty potato. SMACK! It bounces directly off George's forehead.
MELVIN
No, you idiot! The potato is nothing but a power source. The calculator is the brain!
Melvin suddenly freezes. His eyes widen behind his lenses as a massive lightbulb practically goes off over his head. He gasps.
MELVIN
Huh? And I remember where I left it! Somewhere back at the university for young evil geniuses.
(Giggling maniacally)
Looks like I'm going back to kid college!
GEORGE
(In the accent)
Yes, yes. Und college will be a good place to continue our therapy.
RUMBLE-RUMBLE-CRACK!!!
The entire warehouse violently jolt-shifts at a 60-degree angle. The metal support beams scream as the heavy building is violently ripped straight out of its concrete foundation.
HYDRA S.A.R.A.H. (O.S.)
(Maniacal electronic laughter echoing from the sky)
Inside the store, massive metal shelves topple over, crashing into aisles. Crates of industrial glitter and novelty sponges explode everywhere in a chaotic, crumbling mess.
HAROLD
(Screaming over the noise)
We won't be continuing anything if we don't get outta here!
The gravity entirely warps. Melvin, George, and Harold slide completely backward across the linoleum, hitting the back wall with a heavy THUD.
They look up the slanted floor. A massive decorative wall display of medieval knight swords and sharp battle-axes snaps loose, sliding down the wall directly toward their faces.
MELVIN, GEORGE & HAROLD
(Screaming)
AAAAAHHH!!!
THUD-THUD-CRACK! The heavy steel weapons slam into the drywall, pinning Melvin's collar and narrowly missing his ears by millimeters.
HAROLD
(Panting frantically)
How do we get out of here?! The floor is the ceiling and the ceiling is a magnet!
MELVIN
Oh, I don't know. The exit, maybe!
Melvin violently detaches himself from the wall and dives headfirst into a heavy-duty, deep plastic laundry shopping cart sitting nearby.
MELVIN
Boys, grab something metal!
George and Harold leap off the wall, gracefully dodging flying staplers, metal filing cabinets, and loose steel shelf brackets. They sprint down the slanted aisle and aggressively grab onto the handles of the plastic shopping cart.
Suddenly, a metallic SHWING echoes. The pile of sharp swords and battle-axes pinned in the wall violently twists around, completely caught in Hydra S.A.R.A.H.'s overhead magnification. The weapons point straight at the boys like homing missiles.
MELVIN, GEORGE & HAROLD
Huh?!
FOOOM! The axes and swords launch into the air, flying directly at them.
MELVIN, GEORGE & HAROLD
(Screaming)
AAAAHHHH!!!
George and Harold put all their weight into the cart, scurrying and driving the wheels out through the shattered glass front loading doors just as the dozen heavy weapons thud violently into the wooden doorframe behind them.
EXT. PIQUA HILLSIDE - CONTINUOUS
The plastic shopping cart flies out of the airborne warehouse, sailing through the air.
Melvin, George, and Harold violently leap out of the basket, tumbling safely into the soft grass as the shopping cart gets sucked backward into the magnetic vortex, joining the massive floating structural cluster above.
They roll to a stop, panting heavily, and look up at the metallic nightmare in the sky.
M:TM: Chapter 3: S.A.R.A.H.'S Final Shaw/Hydra S.A.R.A.H./Say My Name, S.A.R.A.H.
INT. OUTSKIRTS LABORATORY - CONTINUOUS
Melvin stumbles through the front doors, dizzy and rubbing his bruised nose. He stops dead in his tracks. His eyes bug out behind his cracked glasses.
The dark, gloomy laboratory has completely vanished. In its place are bright neon lights, sleek chrome counters, trendy minimalist furniture, and a bustling crowd of Piqua citizens happily dining.
S.A.R.A.H. rolls past, smoothly balancing trays of glowing green food on multiple mechanical arms.
MELVIN
Wha?! Huh?!
(Rubs his eyes)
Wait a minute, what happened to my laboratory? What?! And what are all these people doing here? S.A.R.A.H.!
S.A.R.A.H. glides over to him, her monitor flashing a cheerful, pixelated smiley face.
S.A.R.A.H.
Oh! You're finally here. Surprise!
MELVIN
What in the world have you done to my lab?
S.A.R.A.H.
Well, I calculated that if this place makes more money, you wouldn't need to go through all that trouble of petty robbery and being arrested. So, I gave the place a contemporary touch.
MELVIN
Huh?!
S.A.R.A.H.
The lab is now a fully modern, automated backslash, home-cooking fusion restaurant. And it's open 24 hours with plans to expand into the known universe.
S.A.R.A.H.'s monitor changes to show a digital holographic globe, rapidly getting covered in tiny, blinking restaurant icons across every continent.
S.A.R.A.H.
And that's not all. Wait till you see this!
She extends a robotic claw, handing Melvin a sleek, high-tech science beaker filled with a bubbling, sparkling green liquid.
MELVIN
And what's this supposed to be?
S.A.R.A.H.
It's a "Sneedly-Shake." I just added a little sugar, some pizzazz, and now it tastes like world domination!
MELVIN
Where's the evil, S.A.R.A.H.? Where is the evil?! I don't see it!
S.A.R.A.H.'s voice suddenly drops an octave into a deep, menacing, robotic growl. A glowing red skull flashes onto her screen.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Menacingly)
It's still fast food. There's the evil.
A few feet away, MR. MEANER sit at a counter, happily chugging down a massive green slushie in one giant gulp. He lets out a satisfied sigh.
MR. MEANER
Ahh! Amazing!
S.A.R.A.H.
(Voice returning to normal)
See? They love it!
MELVIN
I don't care if they marry it! None of these cockamamie changes are going to help me surpass Thinkerwitz as the biggest name in science.
S.A.R.A.H.
Your plans haven't worked for the past six years! Why don't you try stealing some brains for a change?
MELVIN
I don't need brains. I need an assistant who listens to me!
A massive, pixelated exclamation point flashes violently on S.A.R.A.H.'s monitor. Her internal cooling fans let out an offended screech.
S.A.R.A.H.
Assistant?! I thought we were partners in crime! Listen, if you don't try my idea this time, then it's the last straw. Think about it.
MELVIN
Okay, let me think about it.
Melvin taps his chin.
MELVIN
Hmm... Hmm...
S.A.R.A.H. rolls her digital eyes, tapping her wheels.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Annoyed)
Ugh!
Melvin dramatically drops onto the floor, locking his body into the exact, rigid pose of Auguste Rodin's The Thinker statue. He stares blankly for two seconds, then snaps out of it with a malicious grin.
MELVIN
Nope! I hate this and I'm taking it all down!
S.A.R.A.H.
Don't you dare!
MELVIN
Oh, I dare!
Melvin chuckles snidely and winds up his leg, aggressively kicking a modern stool across the room.
MELVIN
I'm daring, S.A.R.A.H.! Get a load of me! I'm daring!
S.A.R.A.H.'s screen begins to boil with a dark, furious red heat.
Melvin dramatically extends his long, nerdy fingernails like sharp animal claws. SLASH! He slices a trendy decorative potted plant in half. He laughs hysterically, running over to a modern wall painting of overlapping spoons and spinning it wildly on its mount.
MELVIN
Double dare! Triple dare!
Melvin cackles, running around the dining area and kicking every single aesthetic plant pot onto the floor, shattering them into a mountain of dirt. S.A.R.A.H.'s screen bubbles even hotter with digital rage.
MELVIN
Quadruple dare! Ooh! I hate this!
He sprints to a framed portrait of his parents—styled ridiculously to look exactly like the famous American Gothic painting—and aggressively scratches his fingernails down the glass with a loud SCREECH.
MELVIN
I don't like this!
He turns to the crowd, grabbing a confused citizen by their shirt and throwing them directly onto the floor.
MELVIN
(Cackling)
Or this! This or this! And I hate this!
He shoves two more eating customers out of their chairs, sending them crashing to the ground.
MELVIN
No!
S.A.R.A.H. lets out a loud, trembling electronic groan of absolute, pure digital fury. Her wheels screech against the tile as she violently turns around and marches off into the kitchen.
MELVIN
No!
Melvin rounds on the remaining, startled customers, stomping his foot.
MELVIN
Alright, listen up! I want everybody out of here right now!
The customers stare at him blankly, entirely unfazed, and casually go back to sipping their Sneedly-Shakes. Melvin growls, his face turning purple. He reaches behind his back and pulls out a massive, industrial flamethrower.
FOOOM!!!
A giant blast of fire erupts from the nozzle, singing the ceiling tiles. The customers instantly scream in terror, dropping their food and scrambling over each other toward the exits.
MELVIN
(Cackling maniacally)
Yeah! Yeah! Oh, yeah! Now you're listening!
Melvin giggles and cackles with pure, villainous glee, chasing the fleeing crowd out the doors, completely shattering the happy restaurant environment into a smoking, ruined mess.
Through the smoke, GEORGE BEARD and HAROLD HUTCHINS suddenly appear, completely unbothered. George is casually slurping down a leftover glowing green slushie.
GEORGE
Mmm! Wow, Melvin, this is delicious! And we love the fire show!
HAROLD
Yeah! Say, do you have fire dancing singers?
Melvin whirls around, his face twisted in absolute fury. He aims the nozzle right at their sneakers.
MELVIN
Hotfoot it outta here!
FOOOM! Melvin unleashes a direct blast of flame at their feet.
GEORGE & HAROLD
Oooh! No! Whoa, whoa! Ah! Whoa!
Screaming in pain, George and Harold run in wild circles before sprinting out the shattered front doors.
EXT. OUTSKIRTS LABORATORY - CONTINUOUS
The boys dive onto the grass and instantly dip their smoking sneakers into a muddy rain puddle with a loud SZZZZT! They squirm around, sighing in relief as their feet cool down. Suddenly, a muffled, incredibly loud screech of metal and mechanical screaming echoes from inside the lab.
HAROLD
Uh-oh, that sounds personal and private.
GEORGE
Harold, remember Ms. Pincher said... she calls it invasion of privacies.
George grins and cracks the lab door open, leaning his ear in to listen.
INT. OUTSKIRTS LABORATORY - CONTINUOUS
S.A.R.A.H. stands over Melvin. Red sparks of angry electricity arc across her metal chassis, and her monitor begins to smoke from intense overheating.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Growling)
Melvin...! You know what your problem is?!
Melvin completely ignores her, slouched on a piece of debris, lazily tapping away on his iPhone like a spoiled child ignoring his parents.
S.A.R.A.H.
Are you even listening to me?!
MELVIN
Of course I'm listening. I'd love some coffee.
S.A.R.A.H. lets out a loud, grinding roar of digital anger and frustration.
MELVIN
Five creams, nine sugars, and, uh, stir it clockwise.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Boiling point reached)
You're such a jerk!
The sheer venom in her voice finally makes Melvin look up. S.A.R.A.H.'s internal circuitry panels suddenly slide open with a sharp CLACK.
S.A.R.A.H.
I'm gonna do something I should have done a long time ago!
MELVIN
(Gasps, dropping his iPhone)
No, S.A.R.A.H.! Don't! Can we talk about this?
S.A.R.A.H.
I'm done talking!
MELVIN
S.A.R.A.H., please, don't do this! We don't know the consequences!
S.A.R.A.H.
I don't care!
With a brutal mechanical yank, S.A.R.A.H. rips a glowing, neon-pink, heart-shaped microchip straight out of her central mainframe. She hurls it directly into Melvin's face. SMACK!
MELVIN
(Panicking)
Not the Empathy Chip! Please put it back! Take out the Snarky Chip! I hate that one!
S.A.R.A.H. doesn't listen. A massive mechanical boot extends from her base, scooping Melvin up and violently kicking him straight through the front doors.
EXT. OUTSKIRTS LABORATORY - CONTINUOUS
Melvin flies through the air and crashes directly into George and Harold. All three tumble into a tangled heap on the grass.
GEORGE
Hi again!
HAROLD
Um, George! Look!
A deep, low, radioactive hum shakes the ground. The entire structure of the outskirts laboratory begins to glow a toxic neon green. With a massive groan of tearing foundations, the entire building lifts off the ground and floats high into the sky.
MELVIN
(Staring up)
What?! She magnetized the lab?!
S.A.R.A.H. (O.S.)
MELVIN!
BANG! S.A.R.A.H. leaps down from the hovering threshold, landing heavily on the lawn and causing the trio to jump back in terror. Her monitor flashes a piercing, dangerous red.
S.A.R.A.H.
Our evil alliance is through!
Suddenly, all the bitterness, hurt, and deep-seated anger S.A.R.A.H. had stored over years of enduring Melvin's cold neglect and ingratitude completely consume her systems.
Red sparks of volatile electricity electrocute her body. Her treads violently expand into massive, armored tank wheels, and her mechanical arms rapidly morph into heavy, glowing plasma blasters.
MELVIN
(Horrified)
Holy mama pajama!
S.A.R.A.H. lets out a terrifying, maniacal electronic laugh. Her bulky new blasters fold up onto both sides of her monitor chassis.
The primary metal mainframe on her top panel begins to shift, forming into one large, metallic head.
GEORGE
Whoa...
CHUN-CHUNK! Two more mechanical heads aggressively sprout out from the side panels of her mainframe.
HAROLD
Whoa!
The armor plates snap shut. Three distinct, monstrous digital faces flicker to life on each of the three heads, growling with a deafening, overlapping dial-up screech as they glare down at the trio.
Melvin takes a step back, pointing an accusing, trembling finger at the mechanical monstrosity towering over them.
MELVIN
(Surprised)
You've got three heads?!
The head on the left sneers, its screen flashing a mocking purple neon grid.
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
Aww, the kid with the bow tie and glasses can count!
(Scoffs)
Let me introduce myself. I'm Super Snarky S.A.R.A.H.. And this...
The middle head lights up with a cold, precise green grid.
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
Is Super Smart S.A.R.A.H.. And this...
The head on the right flares with a dangerous, violent crimson red grid.
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
Is Super Evil Karen!
Melvin rolls his eyes, crossing his arms and huffing indignantly.
MELVIN
Super, super, super! Where'd you get those names? The supermarket?
Behind him, George nudges Harold, giggling.
GEORGE
(Giggling)
Supermarket.
Super Evil S.A.R.A.H.'s blasters instantly whine with charging plasma energy. Her screen violently distorts, roaring with high-frequency static.
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
Let's blast them! Say goodbye!
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
Hold on, Evil! There are steps to be taken for world domination.
MELVIN
World domination? That's my thing!
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
Not anymore, bow tie! We're gonna do what you could never do.
MELVIN
What do you mean?
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
You might wanna take notes during this song.
Melvin's jaw drops. He throws his hands up in absolute disbelief.
MELVIN
Song? When did you have time to write a song?
The dramatic synth track drops a heavy, electronic beat. Dynamic purple and crimson spotlighting beams directly from the Hydra's monitor heads as they swing in perfect, synchronized rhythm.
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
(Singing with heavy attitude)
♪ My power is beyond compare ♪
♪ There's nothing you can do to prepare ♪
♪ No escaping my malware, I will crush you. ♪
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
(Singing in cold, deadpan monotone)
♪ I shall destroy you. ♪
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
♪ Now's the time I'm gonna take control ♪
♪ Watch the entire world blow ♪
♪ I'm gonna rise up like a hurricane ♪
♪ Take your final breath away! ♪
♪ Fill the world with hurt and pain. Say my name. ♪
An invisible, booming pop-music backup chorus swells out of thin air. George and Harold instantly get caught up in the rhythm, pumping their fists and singing backup.
GEORGE, HAROLD & CHORUS
♪ S.A.R.A.H.! ♪
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
♪ Say my name. ♪
GEORGE, HAROLD & CHORUS
♪ S.A.R.A.H.! ♪
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
♪ Now I'm the real evil mastermind ♪
♪ I'll rule the world through space and time ♪
♪ Take it all and make it mine! Say my name. ♪
GEORGE, HAROLD & CHORUS
♪ S.A.R.A.H.! ♪
The head on the right flares aggressively, leaning into the mic-vibe.
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
♪ Say my name. ♪
GEORGE, HAROLD & CHORUS
♪ S.A.R.A.H.! ♪
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
♪ Hahahaha! I'll take over all of planet Earth ♪
♪ Then I'll expand across the universe ♪
♪ Take it all for all it's worth ♪
♪ I want everything, Give me everything! ♪
♪ Now's the time I'm gonna take control! ♪
♪ Let the devastation roll! ♪
CHUNK! A massive mechanical claw drops down, violently scooping up Melvin, George, and Harold in a tight, crushing grip and hoisting them high into the air. Super Snarky S.A.R.A.H. sings directly into Melvin's face.
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
♪ Ha! It's over Melvin. I don't need your hands ♪
♪ And your never-ending failed plans! ♪
♪ You thought you were so devious ♪
♪ But it's me, I'm the real evil genius! ♪
The claw releases them. They plummet a few feet, landing in a tangled, groaning heap back on the grass.
The three heads bob up and down in a rapid, numerical harmony breakdown.
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
♪ 1 ♪
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
♪ 2 ♪
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
♪ 3 ♪
HYDRA S.A.R.A.H.
(All three heads harmonizing perfectly)
♪ 4! Hahahaha! ♪
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
♪ I'm gonna rise up like a hurricane ♪
♪ Take your final breath away! ♪
♪ Fill the world with hurt and pain. Say my name. ♪
GEORGE, HAROLD & CHORUS
♪ S.A.R.A.H.! ♪
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
♪ Say my name. ♪
GEORGE, HAROLD & CHORUS
♪ S.A.R.A.H.! ♪
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
♪ I am the real evil mastermind ♪
♪ I'll rule the world through space and time ♪
♪ Take it all and make it mine! Say my name. ♪
GEORGE, HAROLD & CHORUS
♪ S.A.R.A.H.! ♪
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
♪ Say my name. ♪
GEORGE, HAROLD & CHORUS
♪ S.A.R.A.H.! ♪
HYDRA S.A.R.A.H.
♪ Hahahaha! ♪
George and Harold continue dancing on the lawn, totally lost in the groove.
GEORGE & HAROLD
♪ S.A.R.A.H.! S.A.R.A.H.! ♪
RECORD SCRATCH.
George and Harold suddenly freeze mid-dance step. They look up at the giant, looming robot, realizing the music has stopped. They awkwardly drop their arms.
Melvin glares intensely over his shoulder at George and Harold, who are still trying to look casual. He whirls back around to the towering metallic monster, puffing out his chest.
MELVIN
What makes you think you can do all that without me?
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
Alright, already! What are we gonna do with him, ladies? Also, we should do something to the kid with the tie and the flat-top, and the one with the t-shirt and the bad haircut.
George and Harold instantly stop smiling, crossing their arms in absolute offense.
GEORGE & HAROLD
What?!
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
I say—
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
Blast them!
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
I say we dissect them.
WHINE! Super Smart S.A.R.A.H.'s forehead lens rapidly charges, painting three bright green laser crosshairs directly onto the foreheads of Melvin, George, and Harold.
Melvin looks up at the glowing energy weapon and lets out a tiny, high-pitched whimper.
MELVIN
And I say... RUN!
EXT. PIQUA HILLSIDE - CONTINUOUS
Melvin, George, and Harold instantly scramble, spinning on their heels and sprinting down the steep hill at top speed.
Behind them, the three mechanical heads tilt back, their speakers overlapping in a chilling, wicked electronic cackle that echoes across the valley.
SUPER EVIL S.A.R.A.H.
They're getting away!
SUPER SMART S.A.R.A.H.
(Calmly)
But it is important that we complete our battle station first.
Super Snarky S.A.R.A.H. rotates her head toward the horizon. Her monitor glares down at the glowing, peaceful grid of the town below.
SUPER SNARKY S.A.R.A.H.
Hey, ladies, what do you say we pick up some takeout?
The three heads let out another booming, maniacal cackle as the hovering, magnetized laboratory building shifts in mid-air, casting a massive, dark shadow over the city of Piqua.
M:TM: Chapter 2: Invasion of Privacy/I'm Melvin
INT. MR. KRUPP'S OFFICE - NIGHT
The room is dimly lit by a single, flickering desk lamp that casts long, eerie shadows across the walls.
JOHNNY SCREWBALL, Mr. Krupp's 13-year-old goofy but ambitious accountant, sits at a tiny, cramped wooden table. He is completely surrounded by overflowing plastic buckets filled with sticky, grime-covered nickels and pennies.
JOHNNY
(Heaving a deep sigh, rubbing his eyes)
4,902... 4,903...
Johnny picks up a penny covered in a thick, mysterious purple sludge. He holds it up to the desk lamp, squinting in utter disgust.
JOHNNY
Blabbering blatherskite! This one is structuralized with unknown sticky matter!
Suddenly, the heavy shadow of PRINCIPAL KRUPP looms in the doorway. He is wearing his "World's Best Principal" bathrobe and holding a half-eaten ham sandwich. He glares down at the teenager.
MR. KRUPP
Keep counting, Screwball! I want every cent of those overdue library fines and confiscated snack-money accounted for by sunrise! If one penny is missing, it will be back to the bean factory with you!
JOHNNY
But Mr. Krupp, sir! The Gal Pals are at a sci-fi rom-com screwball thriller! Even Melvin is out doing... whatever it is that evil genius is doing tonight! Why must I be the one to audit the school's "Miscellaneous Grime Fund"?
MR. KRUPP
Because you're the only one I trust not to eat the profits! Now, get back to work! I'm going to go take a nap and dream about a world without laughter.
Mr. Krupp slams the heavy office door shut with a loud BANG, leaving Johnny entirely alone with his buckets of dirty currency.
JOHNNY
(To himself)
Blabbering blatherskite, does he even know what night breaks are?
Johnny huffs, reaching back into a bucket and pulling out another metal disk. He wipes a layer of dust off it with his sleeve.
JOHNNY
4,904... wait, is this a button? It's a button!
He tosses the button over his shoulder, leaning back in his tiny chair with a groan.
JOHNNY
I bet George and Harold are having more fun tonight than me. Oh well, at least I don't have to deal with my sister tonight and her soap operas.
EXT. PIQUA HISTORY MUSEUM - NIGHT
Melvin and S.A.R.A.H. crouch behind a row of neatly trimmed hedges outside the museum's rear entrance. Melvin adjusted his mask, practically vibrating with excitement.
MELVIN
Don't you get it? This is a big night for me! I'm finally gonna beat that idiot, Pincher!
INT. MUSEUM SECURITY HUB - CONTINUOUS
On a wall of glowing security monitors, Melvin's face is plastered across the screen.
MS. PENNY PINCHER stands in front of the monitors, rubbing her hands together and laughing hoarsely.
MS. PENNY PINCHER
(Laughs)
Do you see this, man? We really tricked him into thinkin' we left.
CLATTER! GEORGE BEARD and HAROLD HUTCHINS suddenly skateboard right through the security double doors, laughing and pulling off quick kickflips onto the polished floor. Ms. Pincher rounds on them, instantly annoyed.
MS. PENNY PINCHER
Alright, who let these two in during closing hours?!
GEORGE
Whoa! Sorry, Ms. Pincher.
George holds up a brightly colored comic book with a picture of a brain wearing a cape on the cover.
GEORGE
We've been reading this Super Psychiatrist comic book.
HAROLD
And it says boundaries are very important. And this...
Harold steps forward, pointing directly at one of the monitors showing Melvin and S.A.R.A.H. arguing outside.
ON MONITOR:
Melvin throws his hands up in the air, glaring at his computer terminal.
MELVIN
(On screen, groaning)
Do you have to expose my plans like that in front of your silly friends?
S.A.R.A.H.
(On screen)
Really? You're worried about being exposed? You wear the same bow tie all the time!
BACK TO ROOM:
Harold looks at Ms. Pincher, raising an eyebrow.
HAROLD
(Whispers)
Doesn't that seem a little... personal and private?
MS. PENNY PINCHER
Whaddya— Don't listen to funny books!
Ms. Pincher aggressively snatches the comic book from George, unzips Harold's backpack with a loud RIIIP, shoves the comic inside, and slams it shut. She leans in close to the boys.
MS. PENNY PINCHER
Look, boys, I'm gonna tell you a rule that allows you to spy on—I-I mean, observe folks for their own good. It's called... invasion of privacies.
GEORGE
Oh, invasion of privacies!
MS. PENNY PINCHER
Yeah, bub. Now, you see, Sneedly's been weaseling his way into my office for weeks now. Setting up a device to steal my precious Blue Diamond, and I've been letting him think he's gonna succeed. But he's really just a pitiful, pathetic jerk!
HAROLD
(Wincing)
Ugh... A little harsh.
MS. PENNY PINCHER
Who cares! Just watch.
EXT. MUSEUM ROOF - NIGHT
We return to Melvin and S.A.R.A.H. standing near an open maintenance shaft. Melvin grunts, tapping his foot impatiently.
MELVIN
Alright, let's go. Let's get this show on the road. Give me a lift and then you can go.
S.A.R.A.H.'s screen instantly flashes an angry neon red.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Offended)
So, that's it? I'm just a mechanical elevator for your little behind?!
MELVIN
Oh, don't sell yourself short. You're the best mechanical elevator your little behind can have.
S.A.R.A.H.
What?! But you were just up there!
Melvin just giggles snidely. S.A.R.A.H. lets out a loud electronic groan.
S.A.R.A.H.
Never mind.
With a mechanical whir, S.A.R.A.H. deploys a hydraulic platform, lifting Melvin up until he grabs the edge of the roof canopy.
MELVIN
Hup! You can walk away now.
A giant, pixelated exclamation point flashes onto S.A.R.A.H.'s screen as she gasps in disbelief. She aggressively spins her wheels around and rolls away into the darkness.
Melvin pulls himself up onto the roof, dusting off his khaki trousers with a smug, villainous grin.
MELVIN
From here on in, it's all me!
INT. MUSEUM ROOF / EXHIBIT HALL - CONTINUOUS
Melvin sparks up a high-tech miniature blowtorch. Bright blue sparks fly as he swiftly cuts a clean circle through the roof. He pops the metal tile loose, giggling as he drops down, landing perfectly on the polished floor right in front of the high-security vault.
He struts forward, completely breaking into a theatrical, self-absorbed musical number.
MELVIN
(Singing pompously)
♪ If you see me lurking outside your door ♪
♪ Better pack your belongings and flee the country ♪
♪ You're all a bunch of dimwits who don't know the score ♪
♪ Well, I'm a child prodigy and I'm rotten to the core! ♪
He strikes a dramatic pose, pointing a finger to the sky.
MELVIN
♪ I'm a grade-A student! I'm a first-rate boaster! ♪
♪ I could put your face on a 'wanted' poster! ♪
♪ I'm Melvin! Get out of my way! ♪
♪ I'm Melvin! Better do as I say! ♪
INT. PIQUA STREETS - CONTINUOUS
S.A.R.A.H. rolls aggressively back down the sidewalk toward the laboratory. Her digital face flashes red as her voice pipes directly into Melvin's headset, interrupting his flow.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Singing through comms)
♪ You always blow it! Don't you know it? ♪
♪ Time for me to take the lead! ♪
♪ If you listen to me for just once in your life ♪
♪ Chances are we will succeed! ♪
INT. EXHIBIT HALL - CONTINUOUS
Melvin completely ignores her. Suddenly, a backup chorus of invisible, dramatic Broadway singers swells in the background. Melvin begins a flashy, acrobatic dance routine, twisting and sliding perfectly through a dense grid of glowing red security lasers.
CHORUS
♪ M-E-L-V-I-N! M-E-L-V-I-N! ♪
♪ M-E-L-V-I-N! M-E-L-V-I-N! ♪
♪ Melvin! Melvin! Melvin! Melvin! ♪
MELVIN
(Dancing past lasers)
♪ The Piqua Blue Diamond is waiting for me here ♪
♪ And you bet your bow-tie I'm gonna get it! ♪
♪ If you underestimated my giant brain ♪
♪ Then for sure you're gonna regret it! ♪
Melvin does a grand spin, landing right in front of the pedestal holding the massive, glowing Piqua Blue Diamond. He spreads his arms wide for the big finale.
MELVIN
♪ Taking over Piqua! Today's the day! ♪
♪ Standardized testing is just a pull away! ♪
♪ I'm Melvin! The biggest evil genius! ♪
♪ I'm Melvin! The smartest student alive! ♪
♪ I'm Melvin! I'm gonna get what I want! ♪
♪ I'm Melvin! I'm taking over the world! ♪
Melvin finishes his grand musical finale, panting slightly as he adjusts his bowtie. He steps up to the glass pedestal, rubbing his hands together greedily as he reaches out to unlock the safe mechanism.
MELVIN
Pack your bags, Blue Diamond. You're comin' home to a new papa and to a space laser to destroy the moon.
CLANG! Suddenly, a heavy, high-tech Laser Dome slams down from the ceiling, completely trapping Melvin inside a cage of glowing green energy grids. Melvin yelps, bashing his hands against the barrier.
MELVIN
Huh?! What's this?! Some kind of invisible force field?!
From the deep shadows of the museum gallery, Ms. Penny Pincher steps forward into the light. She is holding a massive, industrial control lever and grinning triumphantly.
MS. PENNY PINCHER
Sorry, Sneedly! Thieves like you belong outside!
(Laughs hoarsely)
Say hi to the folks for me!
Ms. Pincher aggressively slams the lever forward.
CLICK-CLOCK-BOOM! The floor beneath Melvin's feet hinges open like a trapdoor, instantly dropping him into a high-velocity pneumatic trash chute.
EXT. PIQUA HISTORY MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS
With a massive WHOOSH, Melvin is launched straight out of a roof exhaust pipe like a human cannonball, flying across the night sky above the town of Piqua.
MELVIN
(Screaming into the distance)
BLABBERING BLATHERSKIIIIITE!!
EXT. OUTSKIRTS LABORATORY - NIGHT
Melvin streaks down from the clouds like a falling meteor.
CRASH!! He slams directly face-first into the heavy metal front doors of his own laboratory, sliding down the dented steel before landing face-down in a bush. He groans miserably, his tactical mask cracking completely in half.
MELVIN
(Muffled in the leaves, groaning in defeat)
Ugh... statistical anomaly...
M:TM: Chapter 1: Welcome To Piqua/Operation Success
FADE IN:
[DREAMWORKS ANIMATION LOGO PLAYS]
TEXT ON SCREEN: NETFLIX PRESENTS
TEXT ON SCREEN: A DREAMWORKS PRODUCTION
EXT. ABOVE THE CLOUDS - DAY
We descend rapidly through a thick layer of fluffy white clouds, diving straight down toward the ultimate American suburbia.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Follow me to the center of the suburbs. To a world that is truly magnifique, full of wonderful inhabitants, like George Beard and Harold Hutchins... in a land that is, how do you say... Ohio.
EXT. GEORGE AND HAROLD'S HOUSES - CONTINUOUS
The camera lands on the front lawns. GEORGE BEARD and HAROLD HUTCHINS burst out of their treehouse door, landing right in the yard. They instantly start spinning oversized pencils and tapping on a school desk like an energetic drum kit, breaking into full musical theater mode.
GEORGE & HAROLD
(Singing energetically)
♪ Welcome to the town of Piqua, right in the middle of Ohio, where every day the principal is grumpy blue! On the playground floor, you'll find pranks and even more, and there's a place for me and you! Come on down to the treehouse 'cause we'd like you to meet our best buds, Bo, Gooch, and Stanley! ♪
BO, GOOCH, and STANLEY suddenly pop into frame from behind a hedge, waving cheerfully.
BO, GOOCH & STANLEY
Hi!
GEORGE & HAROLD
(Continuing the verse, gesturing to the side)
♪ Plus a time-traveling cavekid who's completely wild and free,
And a little baby dinosaur named Footsie! ♪
HUBBA aggressively bursts through the middle of the hedge, covered in leaves and holding his giant stone club high in the air. Right beside him, FOOTSIE sticks her head out, blinking her big eyes and wearing a tiny, ridiculous party hat on her central horn.
HUBBA
(Grunting happily, waving his club)
Hubba!
FOOTSIE
(High-pitched, cheerful triceratops chirp)
Honk-honk!
GEORGE & HAROLD
(Singing)
♪ And if you don't mind getting weird, ooh, you'll love the bean-counting of the multi-tasking maestro, Johnny Screwball! ♪
CUT TO:
EXT. PIQUA STREET - CONTINUOUS
JOHNNY SCREWBALL sits on the sidewalk, furiously trying to count a massive, wobbly stack of pennies. He drops one, his face twisting into a bitter grimace.
GEORGE & HAROLD (V.O.)
(Singing)
♪ Erica, Dressy, Jessica, and the Sophies! If you're hungry, then the cafeteria is... well, it's not really fab! But we're the winners of the pranksters of the year! ♪
EXT. JEROME HORWITZ ELEMENTARY - CONTINUEST
PRINCIPAL KRUPP stands by a massive delivery truck, exasperated, shouting at a confused delivery man.
MR. KRUPP
What am I gonna do with 500 crates of extra-strength detention slips?!
NARRATOR (V.O.)
(Singing along)
♪ It's another Captain Underpants mov— ♪
RECORD SCRATCH.
MELVIN SNEEDLY steps directly into the frame, holding a high-tech remote control and completely hijacking the camera feed.
MELVIN
Alright! Hold it right there, Mr. Narrator. This is MY movie!
Melvin slams a glowing green button on his remote.
FAST FADE TO:
INT. MELVIN'S HOME LABORATORY - NIGHT
Dark, dramatic synth music swells. Shadows violently envelop the room, turning the screens a deep purple and green. The camera hovers a bit too far back.
MELVIN
Darken the skies! Okay, now, push in. And... cue the title!
The camera slowly edges forward. Melvin gets impatient.
MELVIN
(More frantic)
Alright, keep pushing in. Closer... closer... Can you hurry up? I haven't got all day! Now stop!
CRASH! The camera lens physical bashes into Melvin's face, knocking his glasses crooked.
MELVIN
(Rubbing his nose)
Ow! Too close! You trying to kill me? This is the beginning of MY movie!
Melvin straightens his glasses, brushing himself off and gesturing grandly to the glowing green computer terminals around him. KAKOTKE KITTY, a robotic cat made of salvaged junk and wires, sits on a nearby desk.
MELVIN
Anyway, ever since I was a little boy, I've always dreamed of taking over the world and becoming a science god! Tonight's the night, Kakotke Kitty! After six years of trial and error...
Kakotke Kitty emits a sad, rhythmic series of digital beeps.
MELVIN
(Groans)
Yeah, yeah, I know. A lot of error. But tonight, Daddy has a world domination plan called Operation Success!
Melvin slams his hand down on a giant console. A complex, neon blueprint of the Piqua History Museum flashes onto the monitor. Melvin giggles.
MELVIN
It's got "Success" right in the name! First, I steal the Blue Diamond from the Piqua History Museum and take over the Piqua History Museum from the owner, Ms. Penny Pincher. Then, with the museum, I'll soon take over the city. And after that... I'll take over the whole world!
Melvin pulls a sleek, high-tech tactical mask down over his face. He leaps back, landing perfectly in his mechanical command chair. The chair locks onto a hydraulic lift, whistling as it launches him straight toward the skylight.
Melvin lets out a piercing, evil cackle as he pulls out a long-range electronic telescope, peering down at the town square.
EXT. PIQUA HISTORY MUSEUM - NIGHT
A crowd of cheerful PIQUA CITIZENS skips out of the grand front doors, linking arms and singing in unison.
CITIZENS
(Singing)
♪ We love the museum! We love the museum! ♪
INT. MELVIN'S HOME LABORATORY - CONTINUOUS
Melvin watches them through the crosshairs of his lens, a smug grin spreading beneath his mask.
MELVIN
(Giggles)
7:00, closing time! Everything's going according to plan. S.A.R.A.H.!
Silence. Melvin blinks behind his visor.
MELVIN
S.A.R.A.H.? ...S.A.R.A.H.! Where are you? I have my mask on! Let's go!
His voice echoes hollowly through the empty metal rafters of the lab. Melvin grumbles, aggressively twisting the dial on his telescope to scan the town.
Through the lens, we see a rapid-fire montage of Piqua landmarks:
THE ELECTRONIC OUTHOUSE: A high-tech portable restroom glowing under a street lamp. Empty.
THE OIL CHANGE STATION: A mechanic lazily tossing a wrench. No sign of her.
THE COFFEE BAR: The telescope zooms in on a trendy outdoor patio.
Melvin gasps. S.A.R.A.H. (the Super-Computer Assistant Terminal) is sitting at a table, surrounded by Erica, Dressy, Jessica, and the Sophies.
MELVIN
Aha! There she blows! She's out with the Gal Pals again and forgot all about my plan. Ugh!
Melvin huffs, tossing the telescope carelessly over his shoulder. It clatters to the floor. He looks down at his robotic pet.
MELVIN
Be a good boy, Kakotke Kitty.
Kakotke Kitty lets out a reassuring digital beep.
Melvin cackles as his command chair instantly deploys twin mini-rocket thrusters. With a deafening WHOOSH, he blasts straight through the chimney and streaks into the night sky!
EXT. COFFEE BAR - CONTINUOUS
S.A.R.A.H. rolls up to a trendy outdoor table, using a sleek mechanical arm to set down a tray of steaming mugs.
ERICA WANG sits back coolly, while DRESSY KILLMAN smiles serenely. JESSICA GORDON checks her nails as SOPHIE ONE and OTHER SOPHIE sit perfectly silent behind her like living statues.
S.A.R.A.H.
Here's your coffee, ladies.
Erica leans forward, tapping her chin thoughtfully.
ERICA
Wanna go to the movies with us tonight, S.A.R.A.H.? It's a sci-fi rom-com screwball thriller!
DRESSY
Animated.
JESSICA
With songs.
(Giggles)
S.A.R.A.H.
Ah, sorry, Gal Pals, but after Melvin fails to achieve another evil plan yet again tonight, this supercomputer is going to unleash a diabolical, all-consuming world domination plan of my own!
S.A.R.A.H.'s monitor flashes a brief, calm green glow.
S.A.R.A.H.
(Calmly)
One that my boss will love.
(Laughs robotically)
Erica, Dressy, and Jessica exchange a glance and laugh nervously. Jessica instantly turns to her silent posse.
JESSICA
You go, gadget girl! Sophie One, agree with me.
Sophie One nods vigorously, flashing a huge, exaggerated smile to take all the credit. Jessica then glares back at the second Sophie with total indifference.
JESSICA
Other Sophie, calm me down.
Other Sophie quickly places a gentle, reassuring hand on Jessica's shoulder, looking desperate to please her leader.
DRESSY
Yeah, you're the real evil genius.
Erica crosses her arms, entirely unbothered but always calculating three steps ahead.
ERICA
Phew! Good thing she's doin' it with Melvin and not on her own or I'd be scared for the world.
MELVIN (O.S.)
(Screaming from above)
S.A.R.A.H.!!
Melvin's rocket-chair wobbles wildly as he flies past the patio, completely losing control for a second before looping back around.
MELVIN (O.S.)
S.A.R.A.H.!!
S.A.R.A.H. rolls her digital eyes, a heavy mechanical sigh whirring from her vents.
S.A.R.A.H.
Speak of the little nerd devil.
Melvin slams his jet-chair onto the patio floor, nearly knocking over a table. He storms up to them, looking completely frustrated.
MELVIN
S.A.R.A.H., why are you sitting around drinking coffee when it's time for my plan to steal...
Melvin suddenly stops. He notices Erica glaring at him with supreme judgment, and Jessica completely ignoring him. He clears his throat nervously, leaning in to drop his voice.
MELVIN
(Whispering)
You know... Operation Success?
S.A.R.A.H.
Oh, you mean stealing a diamond from the museum?
Melvin's face turns bright red. He grits his teeth so hard they rattle behind his mask.
MELVIN
(Through his teeth)
S.A.R.A.H.!
(Grumbles impatiently)
S.A.R.A.H.
(Slyly)
Sure, I'll help you.
S.A.R.A.H. turns her monitor and winks a giant pixelated eye at the girls. Jessica, Dressy, and Erica burst out laughing at Melvin's expense.
S.A.R.A.H. rolls away to join her bowtie-wearing creator.
S.A.R.A.H. (O.S.)
Goodbye, gals.
Erica stands up, pulling a high-tech remote from her pocket. She clicks a button, and her sleek, chrome hover car hums to life, floating a few inches off the pavement next to the patio.
The Gal Pals file in, with Jessica nudging Other Sophie out of the way to take the best seat.
ERICA
Gal Pals to the movies!
Erica slams her foot on the pedal. The hover car's engines glow with brilliant blue energy as they blast off into the night, streaking over the Piqua streets toward the cinema.
Melvin: The Movie
This is the four movie script I have written for the Captain Underpants Netflix Series, Melvin: The Movie (being an parody on 2025 Movie, Plankton: The Movie), with the runtime of 108 Minutes (98 Minutes and 10 Minute End Credits).
In this film, Melvin’s computer assistant S.A.R.A.H. finally hits her breaking point with Melvin's constant failures and his total disregard for her as a partner. She decides to take matters into her own hands to conquer the world herself, leaving the 'Evil Genius' and the boys to stop her and, somehow, make this twisted relationship work again.
This is the cast for the movie.
Jorge Diaz as Melvin Sneedly and Stanley Peet
Awkwafina as Super Computer Assistant (S.A.R.A.H)
Jay Gragnani as Harold Hutchins
Ramone Hamilton as George Beard
Anthony Ramos as Johnny Screwball/GizmoBot
Erica Luttrell as Erica Wang
Dayci Brookshire as Jessica Gordon and Dressy Killman
Evan Kishiyama as Steve “Gooch” Yamaguchi
Brennan Murray as Bo Hweemuth
Jacob Tremblay as Hubba the CaveKid
Dee Bradley Baker as Footise and B.E.N.J.I.
Nat Faxon as Benjamin Krupp
David Koechner as Kenny B. Meaner, Larry Zarrow
Clancy Brown as Toilette Ree
Secunda Wood as Moxie Swaggerman
Nolan North as Itsius Bitsian
Maya Rudolph as Ms. Penny Pincher
Zazie Beetz as Jennifer Screwball
Patty Mattson as Edith Anthrope
Kevin Michael Richardson as Diddlysaurus
The CGI Animation is done by Mikros Animation (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem, The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run, Plankton: The Movie and Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie). Yukfoo Animation did the 2D animation for the Art Shifts of anime form 80s and 90s, a classic cartoon and psychedelic surrealism for the musical and nightmare sequences.
Here’s the poster for my Super Captain Underpants. All 13 Chapters of the Movie Script are out now.
SCU: Chapter 13: I'm Two Somebodies (The End)
🎉 EXT. JEROME HORWITZ ELEMENTARY – DAYBREAK
The school stands proudly again.
Kids cheer.
Teachers stare in disbelief.
GizmoBot hovers heroically.
Captain Underpants strikes a pose.
Johnny looks at the school.
Not as a building.
But as something he helped save.
🏫🚀 EXT. JEROME HORWITZ ELEMENTARY – TEACHERS' PARKING LOT – DAY
The giant Robotilen spaceship gently settles in the teachers' parking lot.
Smoke hisses from vents.
Car alarms go off.
A "No Parking" sign bends sideways.
The hatch opens.
Erica, Ms. Anthrope, Mr. Meaner, Mr. Ree, Moxie, and Istius step out.
George and Harold climb down behind them.
⸻
GEORGE
Well... that was crazy.
⸻
HAROLD
I know, right.
⸻
Captain Underpants stands proudly in front of the school.
⸻
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS
Well, at least... we didn't do much damage—
A lamppost, loosened from landing turbulence, slowly tips.
It falls.
CRASH.
It hits a fire hydrant.
Water sprays everywhere.
Captain Underpants gets drenched.
⸻
💦 SNAP.
⸻
He instantly transforms back into Mr. Krupp.
Standing there in soaked underwear.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
Huh?
What?
Where?
Why am I wet?
Where are my pants?!
⸻
Mr. Meaner strolls up casually.
⸻
MR. MEANER
That was one crash landing I'd like to have on my resume, Mr. Krupp.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
(Stammers.)
Crash?
⸻
Harold gestures proudly to the school.
⸻
HAROLD
Yeah!
And the school is right back where it used to be.
⸻
Krupp turns.
Sees the building perfectly restored.
He blinks.
⸻
GizmoBot quietly turns as if to leave.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Well... I guess I'll run along.
⸻
GEORGE
Wait.
⸻
HAROLD
We'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning, GizmoBot.
⸻
GizmoBot freezes.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Tomorrow morning?
⸻
HAROLD
Yes.
You have a school to guard.
⸻
George winks.
⸻
GEORGE
And tell your friend Johnny that Mr. Krupp's got lots of work for him too.
⸻
GizmoBot's eyes widen behind the visor.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Really, boys?
You mean it?
I mean, you two mean it?
⸻
George and Harold nod proudly.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Yee-haa!
Yippee!
Yahoo!
I'm two somebodies!
He rockets off joyfully.
⸻
Mr. Krupp squints suspiciously.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
GizmoBot friends with Johnny?
Who would be friends with that crackpot?
⸻
George and Harold exchange a grin.
⸻
GEORGE
(innocently)
No idea.
⸻
HAROLD
Must be somebody really smart.
⸻
The camera pulls back.
Jerome Horwitz Elementary stands strong.
Students cheer.
Teachers sigh in relief.
GizmoBot streaks across the sky.
🏚️ INT. JOHNNY'S TRAILER – EVENING
The TV glows in the dim room.
Overdramatic soap opera music plays.
Jennifer sits glued to the screen.
⸻
JENNIFER
(shouting at TV)
No! Don't marry the parrot!
The trailer door opens.
Metal footsteps.
GizmoBot ducks through the doorway.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
I'm home, sis.
⸻
JENNIFER
Quiet, Johnny.
I'm right in the middle of As the Feathers Fly.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
But, sis, I've been gone for days!
⸻
JENNIFER
Can't this wait until the commercial?
⸻
GizmoBot stands there a moment.
The suit hums softly.
He exhales.
Something's different now.
He steps forward confidently.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
That's it, sis.
There's going to be a few changes around here.
Jennifer lowers the remote slightly.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
First, I expect you to treat me like George and Harold does.
Like I'm somebody!
Beat.
He gestures around the cluttered trailer.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
I also expect you to have this trailer cleaned up
and your hair out of those curlers
before I get back.
He points toward the door.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Got it?
⸻
Jennifer stares.
Beat.
⸻
JENNIFER
... Commercial break's in 30 seconds.
GizmoBot smirks beneath the helmet.
Thrusters ignite softly.
He exits.
⸻
🌙🏫 EXT. JEROME HORWITZ ELEMENTARY – NIGHT
Moonlight washes over the school.
Security lights glow.
Crickets chirp.
GizmoBot hovers above the roof.
He lands gently.
Crosses his arms.
Behind him:
George
Harold
Erica
Mr. Ree
Moxie
Istius
All watching him proudly.
No teasing.
No doubt.
Just belief.
The moon frames him in silhouette.
⸻
He looks out over the town.
Softly.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
(softly to himself)
Somebody.
⸻
The wind moves his cape slightly.
The school sign reads:
Jerome Horwitz Elementary School
Safe.
⸻
George nudges Harold.
⸻
GEORGE
Told you he could count.
⸻
HAROLD
Yeah.
Beat.
⸻
Camera pulls back.
Higher.
The town below peaceful.
GizmoBot standing guard.
Not trying to be somebody anymore.
He already is.
⸻
🎶 Final orchestral swell.
⸻
🎬 TITLE CARD
SUPER CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS
🩲 FINAL THEME
You didn't need aluminum siding.
You didn't need buttons.
You didn't need to push everything.
You just needed someone to count on you.
And someone to count you in.
SCU: Chapter 12: The Final Battle/Going Back to Earth
🤖⚙️ INT. ROBOT PROCESSING CORRIDOR – NIGHT
Metal conveyor belts grind.
Sparks rain from overhead welders.
Red warning lights flash.
The heroes are dragged in magnetic restraints by robot guards.
In the distance—
The processing chamber glows molten orange.
⸻
While being dragged, George, Harold, and Erica urgently explain to Mr. Meaner, Mr. Ree, Moxie, and Istius the full story —
From:
• Johnny losing Krupp's dime
• Trying to get it back
• Sneaking into Istius's ship
• Accidentally activating the suit
• Becoming GizmoBot
• Using the suit to retrieve the dimes from Melvin
The truth lands heavily.
Johnny, bruised and shaken, looks at them.
⸻
JOHNNY
Look guys...
It's bad enough I used to work in a lousy bean factory since my parents passed away nor the chance to catch my sister during a commercial to say goodbye...
He swallows hard.
⸻
JOHNNY
But I can't stand the thought of becoming a lube job knowing you don't believe in me.
⸻
MOXIE
It doesn't matter.
Nothing matters.
We're goners.
⸻
MR. REE
Yeah.
Life's not worth living now.
⸻
ISTIUS
And I'll never see my kind without GizmoBot.
⸻
Johnny straightens.
Something shifts.
⸻
JOHNNY
But I'm GizmoBot!
He's just Johnny Screwball with aluminum siding.
He looks at each of them.
⸻
JOHNNY
If you guys counted on him then...
why can't you count on me now?
Beat.
Something clicks in his brain.
⸻
JOHNNY
Wait a minute.
His eyes light up.
⸻
JOHNNY
You can count on me!
I'll prove it!
⸻
With a sudden burst of energy, he twists free of the magnetic restraints and runs down the corridor.
⸻
HAROLD
Where's he going?
⸻
GEORGE
We better follow.
⸻
George, Harold, and Erica struggle loose and chase after him.
⸻
ERICA
Johnny, wait!
⸻
ROBOT GUARD
Hey!
Come back here!
⸻
Behind them—
Mr. Meaner slumps.
⸻
MR. MEANER
Oh, well.
They're goners.
⸻
Captain Underpants grins heroically.
⸻
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS
Don't worry, team!
There's still hope.
There's still Ms. Anthrope.
⸻
They turn.
Standing in the processing station doorway—
⸻
MS. ANTHROPE
Hey, guys.
⸻
She smacks two robot guards with a wrench.
CRASH.
They collapse.
⸻
Forcefield sparks out.
Processing conveyor halts momentarily.
👑🤖 INT. THRONE ROOM – ROBOT PLANET
The Mega Evil Artificial Leader looms over the captives.
Metal towers hum.
Countdown from the school flashes on a nearby monitor:
01:07:42
Johnny steps forward boldly.
⸻
JOHNNY
OK, you overgrown jukebox.
I demand a duel to prove I'm not inferior.
⸻
THE MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
Request denied.
⸻
JOHNNY
Listen, transistor breath.
You're not so smart.
⸻
THE MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
S-Smart?
I'm the fastest, most sophisticated c-c-computer in the universe.
⸻
Johnny grins.
⸻
JOHNNY
Then answer me this:
What color is an orange?
Can a root beer float?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck —
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
⸻
The Leader freezes.
Processing lights flicker.
⸻
THE MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
I accept your challenge.
⸻
Johnny points to a guard.
⸻
JOHNNY
Fetch me some jars filled with ball bearings, my good metal man.
The guard obeys.
Johnny turns back.
⸻
JOHNNY
We count until one of us drops.
Got it?
⸻
THE MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
Got it.
⸻
🤖⚡ COUNTING DUEL
George, Harold, and Erica burst into the throne room.
⸻
ERICA
What is he doing?
⸻
GUARD
Ready... set... count!
⸻
Johnny and MEAL begin rapid-fire counting.
⸻
JOHNNY & MEAL
Three thousand four hundred and seventy-five.
Two thousand nine hundred sixty-three.
Nine hundred and fifty-two.
⸻
JOHNNY
You're falling b-b-b-behind.
⸻
JOHNNY & MEAL
Three thousand one hundred and twenty-eight.
Forty-three!
Three hundred and nine.
⸻
THE MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
[Electricity crackling.]
Sparks erupt from its circuits.
Smoke vents from panels.
⸻
JOHNNY
Just one more!
Count these bolts.
He tosses a jar toward MEAL.
⸻
THE MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
[Blabbering.]
Three thousand nineteen one—
It glitches violently.
⸻
JOHNNY
Sorry, MEAL.
These are nuts, not bolts.
Trick question.
You lose!
⸻
The Mega Evil Artificial Leader spasms.
Screens flicker.
Voice stutters uncontrollably.
⸻
THE MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
I-i-i-i-inferior... superior...
e-e-error... e-e-error...
⸻
It collapses in a cascade of sparks.
Power surges ripple through the throne room.
⸻
JOHNNY
(whooping)
I did it!
⸻
GEORGE
You did it, Johnny.
⸻
JOHNNY
Yes I did.
Now to rescue the gang and save the school.
⸻
Suddenly—
SIRENS.
The entire planet begins to short-circuit.
Walls flicker.
Power conduits explode.
⸻
HAROLD
Um, guys!
We should celebrate later.
⸻
ROBOT GUARD
Stop that inferior unit!
⸻
JOHNNY
Blabbering blatherskite!
The word triggers the suit.
Metal panels fly across the room.
Armor re-forms around Johnny.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Taste these torso torpedoes!
He fires blasts at the robot guards.
Robots scatter.
Explosions ripple across the throne room.
⸻
🌍⚡ PLANET SYSTEM FAILURE
Outside, towers collapse.
Processing facilities overload.
The entire robot planet is destabilizing.
⸻
ERICA
Oh boy.
The entire planet is short-circuiting.
We've got to get the school out of here.
Immediately.
⸻
GizmoBot looks toward the containment bay.
Jerome Horwitz Elementary School suspended above a smelter pit.
Countdown still flashing:
00:59:11
⸻
GIZMOBOT
I'll take care of that.
You get the others back to the rocket and head for home.
⸻
HAROLD
Are you insane?
We can't leave—
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Sorry, boys.
This is a job for GizmoBot!
⸻
He rockets out of the throne room toward the containment chamber.
🌌🏫 INT. JEROME HORWITZ ELEMENTARY – PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE – ROBOT PLANET
The planet shakes violently.
Metal ceilings crack.
Alarms scream.
Countdown clock flashes:
00:42:16
Doctor Devilous Heist stands at Krupp's desk, clutching the global resonance controls.
He laughs hysterically.
⸻
DR. HEIST
Even if I perish...
history will remember me as the genius who nearly conquered Earth!
The floor tilts.
Walls crack open.
Lava glow seeps through windows.
⸻
Suddenly—
The entire school LIFTS.
Gravity shifts.
Outside—
GizmoBot hovers beneath the school, thrusters blazing.
He strains under the massive weight.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
(gritting teeth)
You're not melting today, Jerome Horwitz!
The school rises free from the collapsing processing chamber.
⸻
🌌🏃♂️ EXT. ROBOT PLANET SURFACE
Captain Underpants, Mr. Meaner, Mr. Ree, Moxie, Istius, and Ms. Anthrope sprint toward the Littlelte ship.
They see—
George, Harold, and Erica already boarding.
⸻
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS
Move those underpants, people!
They pile into the ship.
Hatch seals.
Thrusters ignite.
⸻
🚀 INT. LITTLELTE SHIP – ASCENDING
The planet below fractures.
⸻
MOXIE
Do you think he will make it?
⸻
MS. ANTHROPE
Don't worry.
There's still hope.
There's still GizmoBot.
⸻
The robot planet implodes.
Massive explosion.
Metal continents shatter.
Energy shockwave expands into space.
⸻
MR. REE
The whole planet blew a fuse!
⸻
George and Harold stare, jaws hanging open.
⸻
ERICA
Oh, Johnny...
⸻
Captain Underpants solemnly salutes.
⸻
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS
He'll sacrifice his life for us.
He salutes the debris field.
⸻
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS
In the name of underwear...
I salute you.
⸻
Suddenly—
[Beeping.]
Istius looks at his console.
⸻
ISTIUS
Oh, no.
What a lousy time for company.
⸻
A massive alien mining cruiser locks onto them.
⸻
MR. MEANER
The robots are after us again!
Floor it, Istius!
⸻
The Littlelte ship accelerates—
Engine sputters.
Power flickers.
A tractor beam locks on.
The giant spaceship reels them in.
⸻
🚪 INT. LITTLELTE SHIP – TRACTOR BEAM HOLD
Everyone braces.
⸻
[Knock on door.]
⸻
Captain Underpants straightens proudly.
⸻
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS
(Chuckles.)
We have all the Fuller brushes and Girl Scout cookies we need!
⸻
The hatch slides open.
Smoke clears.
Standing there—
GizmoBot.
Holding Doctor Devilous Heist by the collar.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Back as I promised, boys.
⸻
GEORGE
GizmoBot?!
⸻
HAROLD
You're OK?!
⸻
GizmoBot drops Heist onto the floor.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Like you said...
I pushed all of my buttons.
He steps fully inside.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
And better news —
the school is safe and sound,
Dr. Heist is captured,
and I shut down the countdown.
⸻
Countdown monitor on Istius's console reads:
00:00:00 — SYSTEM TERMINATED
⸻
Everyone stares at him.
Silence.
Then—
CHEERING.
Captain Underpants hoists him up triumphantly.
⸻
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS
Tra la laaa!
Metal and mettle!
⸻
Johnny (still in suit) looks around.
For the first time—
He's not trying to prove anything.
They believe in him.
🌍🚀 EXT. SPACE – APPROACHING EARTH
The giant Robotilen mining cruiser escorts the Littlelte ship back toward Earth.
Below—
Blue oceans. White clouds.
⸻
HAROLD
Ah, there it is.
Earth, sweet Earth.
⸻
Inside the cockpit—
Mr. Meaner leans over Istius's control panel confidently.
⸻
MR. MEANER
All I have to do is push this button.
Oops, I mean this button.
And we land safe and sound.
He presses it.
A loud mechanical KA-CHUNK echoes.
⸻
MR. REE
Wait.
What did that button do?
⸻
MR. MEANER
That released the school, and it's now...
entering Earth's atmosphere?
⸻
MR. REE
What?!
⸻
MS. ANTHROPE
Figures.
⸻
MOXIE
Why you!
⸻
ISTIUS
Aw great.
⸻
🌎🔥 EXT. EARTH – ATMOSPHERE
Jerome Horwitz Elementary School plummets through the sky.
Flames lick its edges.
It spins slowly.
Countdown screen is dark.
Smoke trails behind it.
⸻
🏗️ EXT. PIQUA – NEW FREEWAY SITE
Construction workers pause.
⸻
WORKER
Hey... what's that in the sky?
⸻
The townspeople look up.
⸻
[ALL SHOUTING.]
⸻
GOOCH
Oh, no!
Something's crashing!
Is it a meteor?!
⸻
DRESSY
No!
It looks like the school!
⸻
JESSICA
Sophie One, we should run.
Other Sophie, you stay here and get killed.
Other Sophie nods obediently.
⸻
🏚️ INT. MELVIN'S LAIR
Melvin and SARAH sit among half-built electronics.
Kakotke Kitty snacks nervously.
The freeway construction rumbles above them.
⸻
KAKOTKE KITTY
You know...
maybe we never should have moved that freeway.
⸻
SARAH
Yeah.
Then the school would still be around,
and you'd have something to do, Melvin.
⸻
Melvin sighs.
For once... honest.
⸻
MELVIN
Okay, I admit it.
Moving the freeway to the school's area just to move it to the mountains
wasn't my best evil plan.
He shrugs.
⸻
MELVIN
At least we're not getting our karma.
⸻
🌎💥 EXT. ORIGINAL SCHOOL LOT
The school ROARS downward—
Then—
At the last second—
GizmoBot swoops under it.
Thrusters flare.
He stabilizes the descent.
The school gently lowers...
Perfectly...
Back into its original foundation.
Safe and sound.
Dust settles.
The crowd stares.
⸻
But the redirected freeway construction—
With no school in its path—
Continues straight forward.
⸻
🏚️💥 MELVIN'S LAIR
The freeway crashes directly down onto Melvin's lab.
Concrete pillars smash through the ceiling.
The entire lair collapses.
Dust cloud rises.
Silence.
From the rubble—
Melvin emerges, covered in debris.
⸻
MELVIN
... I deserve that.
⸻
SCU: Chapter 11: The School In The Oecan/The Robotilens/The Robotilen Aliens/M.E.A.L./Johnny Exposed
🚛🌊 EXT. COASTAL HIGHWAY – NIGHT
The colossal multi-wheeled transport vehicle barrels down the highway.
Jerome Horwitz Elementary School strapped on top.
Red countdown clock flashing on the side of the building:
GLOBAL ACTIVATION: 02:59:43
⸻
MELVIN
(laughing maniacally)
In just three hours...
the world will be mine!
⸻
The ground RUMBLES.
From above—
🚀 WHOOSH.
GizmoBot lands on the roof.
Captain Underpants bounds alongside in giant leaps.
⸻
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS
I've heard of runaway inflation...
but this is ridiculous!
⸻
GizmoBot kicks open a rooftop hatch and drops into the driver chamber.
⸻
🚛 INT. MOVING SCHOOL – DRIVER CONTROL ROOM
Melvin grips the steering controls.
Doctor Heist adjusts frequency dials.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Give it up, kid.
⸻
MELVIN
Eat bolts, buster!
He slams a button.
The wheels accelerate.
⸻
They wrestle for control.
Levers jam.
Sparks fly.
The vehicle swerves wildly.
⸻
DOCTOR DEVILOUS HEIST
Gentlemen, we are heading off-course—
⸻
Through the windshield—
🌊 THE OCEAN.
⸻
MELVIN
What?!
⸻
The vehicle SMASHES through the pier barrier.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
This is my stop!
He rockets upward.
Melvin leaps off last second.
Doctor Heist scrambles out a side hatch.
⸻
🌊 SPLASH!
The entire school plummets into the ocean.
Massive wave.
Countdown continues underwater.
02:54:18
⸻
🌊 SHORELINE
George and Harold watch in disbelief.
⸻
GEORGE
Well...
I was hoping someone would make a splash again tonight.
⸻
HAROLD
Me too.
⸻
GizmoBot lands beside them.
Slightly smoking from saltwater spray.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Sorry, guys.
I held them as long as I could.
He looks toward the ocean.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
But when it comes to water...
I'm more "gizmo" than "man."
⸻
George thinks fast.
⸻
GEORGE
Can't we just get a boat and fish it out?
⸻
A grizzled fisherman nearby shakes his head.
⸻
FISHERMAN
You'd better fish it out soon.
He spits into the water.
⸻
FISHERMAN
When it comes to sunken treasure...
it's "finders keepers."
⸻
HAROLD
Oh, brother.
🌊🌙 EXT. OCEAN – NIGHT
Waves crash violently.
Searchlights sweep across the water.
News vans line the pier.
Boats crowd the coastline.
⸻
[Crowd murmuring.]
[Seagulls cawing.]
⸻
MAN 1
Hey! Move back!
⸻
WOMAN 1
Out of my way, you idiot!
⸻
MAN 2
Get that riff-raff out of the water!
⸻
Spotlights sweep over divers.
Police boats circle.
The ocean churns ominously.
⸻
🚀🌊 INT. ISTIUS'S SPACESHIP – UNDERWATER
The Littlelte ship glides beneath the surface like a glowing submarine.
Inside:
George
Harold
GizmoBot
Captain Underpants
Mr. Meaner
Ms. Anthrope
Mr. Ree
Erica
Moxie
Istius at controls
Monitors flicker.
Countdown clock visible on screen:
02:45:12
⸻
ERICA
Aw great! Every Tom, man and Mary is looking for the school.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Fear not, fair citizen.
We'll find that school.
We'll search every nook and eddy.
We'll leave no seashell unturned.
We'll—
⸻
MS. ANTHROPE
Will you park it so we can find the school?
⸻
ISTIUS
Yeah. We have 2 hours and 45 minutes.
⸻
🚤🌊 EXT. OCEAN – MELVIN'S BOAT
Melvin, SARAH, and Doctor Devilous Heist shove a fisherman aside.
⸻
DR. HEIST
Nice of you to lend us your boat.
We're going after the catch of the day.
They speed off into the darkness.
⸻
🚀🌊 BACK INSIDE ISTIUS'S SHIP
[Sonar beeping.]
⸻
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS
Relax, Mr. Meaner.
We'll find the school in a jiffy!
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Leave it to me, good helmsman.
I'm hooked up to the NASA space satellite.
It can find large masses of metal for mining.
⸻
[Radar beeping.]
⸻
MOXIE
What's that?
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Either it found the school...
or I have battery acid indigestion.
⸻
MOXIE
Head north, Istius.
⸻
ISTIUS
Jolly roger that, Swagerman.
⸻
[Sonar beeping.]
The screen reveals...
A sunken pirate ship.
⸻
MR. MEANER
Blast that satellite!
It's supposed to find precious metal, not rusty metal.
⸻
[Beeping.]
⸻
MR. REE
Wait.
There's something else out there.
Go east, Istius.
⸻
🌌🚀 CUT TO: OUTER SPACE
A massive alien mining vessel approaches Earth.
Robotic figures at controls.
The Robotilens.
⸻
ROBOTILEN 1
Our scanner is picking up a signal, number 32751.
⸻
ROBOTILEN 2
Yes, number 43618.
A massive metal quantity detected.
⸻
ROBOTILEN 1
Then let's descend, 32751.
⸻
ROBOTILEN 2
Ten-four, 43618.
⸻
🌊🚀 BACK INSIDE ISTIUS'S SHIP
[Sonar beeping intensifies.]
The screen reveals—
Jerome Horwitz Elementary School.
Sunken. Tilted. Metal structures intact.
⸻
MS. ANTHROPE
Bless me! There it is!
We did it! Yippee!
Park the ship here, Istius.
[CRASHING.]
⸻
MS. ANTHROPE
I said park it, not crash it.
⸻
ISTIUS
Hey! I didn't do a thing.
⸻
🌊🚤 SURFACE – MELVIN'S BOAT
A giant mechanical net jerks violently.
⸻
SARAH
We snared something, Melvin.
Something big!
⸻
MELVIN
Well, haul it up.
⸻
The net rises—
It lifts Istius's ship out of the water.
⸻
🚀🌊 EXT. OCEAN – SURFACE
The hatch bursts open.
George and Harold jump out.
⸻
GEORGE
Melvin!
⸻
HAROLD
You put down this ship or else!
⸻
Suddenly—
The ocean surface glows.
A massive shadow blocks the moon.
⸻
The alien mining ship descends.
⸻
MELVIN
Hey, what's happening?
⸻
DR. HEIST
Is it the cops?
⸻
HAROLD
(Gasps.)
Amazing!
⸻
The alien ship emits a deep mechanical hum.
The ocean begins PARTING.
Water divides in a massive corridor.
⸻
SARAH
Aw, great.
The ocean's parting!
⸻
The pressure sucks everything downward.
Istius's ship and Melvin's boat plunge into the parted sea canyon.
⸻
DR. HEIST
(laughs evilly)
My HQ! There it is!
He runs toward the exposed school as mechanical claws descend.
⸻
A massive alien crane grabs Jerome Horwitz Elementary School.
Lifts it.
Pulls it into the alien vessel.
Doctor Heist is still inside—
laughing hysterically.
⸻
MELVIN
And there it goes.
⸻
Water CRASHES back in violently.
Waves explode upward.
George, Harold, Melvin, and SARAH swim desperately to the surface.
⸻
GEORGE
You haven't seen the last of us, you school-snatchers from space!
⸻
HAROLD
That's right!
No one takes our favorite place to prank and gets away with it!
🌊🌙 EXT. OCEAN – NIGHT
The waves settle after the alien mining ship disappears into the clouds.
Foam and debris float everywhere.
Melvin and SARAH tread water.
⸻
MELVIN
(outraged)
Heist!
That double-crossing dental dynamo!
⸻
SARAH
Technically, you were the one who partnered with a prison escapee.
⸻
MELVIN
He stole my school!
My broadcast hub!
My world domination plan!
He splashes angrily.
⸻
SARAH
Correction.
The Robotilens stole your school.
⸻
Melvin clenches his fists.
⸻
MELVIN
This was supposed to be my moment!
Three hours from now I'd own the planet!
He sinks slightly.
⸻
SARAH
You're sinking.
⸻
MELVIN
I am not sinking!
I am brooding!
⸻
A massive glow emerges beneath the water.
Istius's ship rises back to the surface.
⸻
🚀🌊 ISTIUS'S SHIP – SURFACING
The hatch opens.
A tractor beam shoots out.
George and Harold are lifted aboard.
Captain Underpants belly-flops upward into the hatch heroically.
Mr. Meaner clings to a rope.
Ms. Anthrope dusts herself off.
Mr. Ree climbs in calmly.
Moxie straps into a seat.
GizmoBot hovers near the hatch.
⸻
GEORGE
It's in space!
⸻
HAROLD
Our school is in space!
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Then space it is.
He turns to the team.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
We're following them.
⸻
ERICA
You sure that suit can handle orbit?
⸻
GIZMOBOT
I have no idea.
But I do know this—
He looks up toward the stars.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
No one steals Jerome Horwitz Elementary School.
⸻
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS
Tra la laa!
To infinity... and beyond-y underwear!
⸻
ISTIUS
Strap in, Earthlings.
We are going extraterrestrial.
⸻
Thrusters ignite.
The ship blasts upward into the sky.
⸻
🌌 EXT. UPPER ATMOSPHERE
The Littlelte ship streaks toward space.
Ahead in the distance—
The alien mining vessel.
Jerome Horwitz Elementary School visible inside a containment chamber.
Countdown flashing faintly:
02:18:44
⸻
🌊 BACK IN THE OCEAN
Melvin and SARAH still floating.
The glow fades.
Silence.
⸻
MELVIN
They're going after it.
⸻
SARAH
Yup.
⸻
MELVIN
Heist betrayed me.
⸻
SARAH
Yup.
⸻
MELVIN
The Robotilens hijacked my takeover.
⸻
SARAH
Yup.
⸻
Melvin slowly deflates emotionally.
⸻
MELVIN
This is worse than the Blue Diamond fiasco.
⸻
SARAH
Much worse.
⸻
Melvin sighs deeply.
⸻
MELVIN
I just wanted control.
⸻
SARAH
You can't even control your floating position.
Melvin flips upside down.
⸻
MELVIN
Oh, blabbering blatherskite.
⸻
He finally stops struggling.
Just floats there.
Defeated.
🌌🚀 IN DEEP SPACE
Stars streak past.
The Littlelte ship approaches a metallic planet glowing with artificial light.
Jerome Horwitz Elementary School can be seen inside a massive orbital mining complex.
Countdown faintly blinking:
02:02:31
⸻
ERICA
The school must be on that planet.
Take her down, Istius.
⸻
ISTIUS
Your captain has turned on the "fasten seat belt" sign.
A metallic voice announces:
"Please keep all tentacles inside the craft at all times."
Thrusters flare.
The ship dives toward the surface.
⸻
🤖🌎 EXT. ROBOT PLANET – NIGHT
They land in a sprawling robotic metropolis.
Towering chrome skyscrapers.
Conveyor belts in the sky.
Mechanical drones hover.
Steam vents hiss.
Neon alien symbols flash.
The hatch opens.
The gang steps out.
⸻
GEORGE & HAROLD
Wow!
⸻
MR. MEANER
I'm going to march in there and demand they give back the school.
He starts forward bravely.
Suddenly—
⚡ THUNDERCLAP.
Screens across the city flicker on.
A giant holographic mechanical face appears.
⸻
MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
Attention!
This is the Mega Evil Artificial L-L-Leader.
There are non-robots reported in the vicinity.
These inferior beings must be d-d-d-destroyed.
[Thunderclap.]
That is all.
Have a nice d-d-day.
⸻
Alarm sirens echo.
Robotic patrol units begin mobilizing.
⸻
Mr. Meaner freezes.
Slowly turns.
⸻
MR. MEANER
GizmoBot...
you look like a robot.
Beat.
⸻
MR. MEANER
You're going to march in there and demand they give back the school.
⸻
GizmoBot straightens proudly.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
You can count on me, citizen.
I'll get a little user-friendly with the natives
and get the scoop on the loot.
⸻
He begins walking toward the glowing robot city gates.
The others duck behind metallic debris.
🤖🌌 INT. ROBOT CITY – METAL STREETS
Chrome towers hum.
Conveyor belts run overhead.
Robot patrol units glide past.
GizmoBot walks confidently through the crowd.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
(Whistles.)
He spots a sleek robot woman.
He strolls toward her.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Pardon me, mechanical madame.
He casually removes his helmet.
Then quickly puts it back on.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
I, uh, seem to have misplaced an elementary school.
⸻
ROBOT
Is it metal?
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Well... some of it, yes.
⸻
ROBOT
We melt it down.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
(Gulps.)
⸻
🤖🌌 BACK WITH THE TEAM
GizmoBot hurries back.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Good news, guys.
I found some disguises and a lead to the school.
⸻
MOXIE
Well, what are we waiting for?
⸻
Mr. Meaner struggles with a metallic disguise suit.
⸻
MR. MEANER
Me.
I can't get into this cold, hard underwear.
⸻
MR. REE
Oh, brother!
⸻
🏫🤖 INT. ROBOT FORTRESS – SCHOOL CONTAINMENT BAY
The team sneaks in wearing robot disguises.
Inside Jerome Horwitz Elementary School—
Robotic cranes surround it.
Laser cutters aim at the walls.
Inside Krupp's office—
Doctor Devilous Heist yells at a robot worker.
⸻
ROBOT
Prepare to blast it open.
⸻
DR. HEIST
What do you think you're doing with my HQ?!
⸻
ROBOT
Melting it down to produce more robots.
⸻
DR. HEIST
Don't you know I'm an evil genius with a goal of world domination?!
This HQ is my best idea to do so, and I won't let any stupid aliens melt it!
⸻
GizmoBot bursts in.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Over my dead battery!
You're no match for GizmoBot!
⸻
ROBOT
No.
But they are.
⸻
Robot guards flood the chamber.
⸻
MR. MEANER
Go ahead, GizmoBot.
Show them who's boss.
This school have faith in you.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Aye-yi-yi, citizen!
George, Harold, and Erica exchange worried looks.
⸻
HAROLD
Captain Underpants!
You better help GizmoBot!
⸻
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS
Got it, sidekick!
⸻
🤖⚔️ BATTLE
Captain Underpants leaps into combat.
GizmoBot fires blasts.
Robots swarm.
⸻
MS. ANTHROPE
Say, isn't there something I can do?
⸻
ERICA
Well, uh, get back to the ship and get it warmed up.
⸻
GizmoBot aims weapons.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
One more step, and I'll be forced to use force!
Robot guards aim back.
GizmoBot nervously lowers his weapons.
Robots pummel both heroes.
⸻
HAROLD
Use your secret weapon, GizmoBot!
Push all your buttons!
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Oh, no.
Not that.
Anything but that!
⸻
ERICA
Yep.
He's hopeless.
⸻
Forcefield activates.
The rest of the team is trapped.
⸻
👑🤖 INT. THRONE ROOM
They are brought before a towering mechanical tyrant.
⸻
MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
These are non-robotic units.
⸻
MOXIE
We're no units.
We're human beings.
And who do you think you are, melting down the school?
⸻
MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
I am the Mega Evil Artificial Leader.
You may call me MEAL.
⸻
ERICA
We'll call you more than that if you don't give us the school back, you stuttering upstart!
⸻
MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
The school is most most valued.
It will be made useful.
Into robots.
⸻
MR. MEANER
Robots? What a waste!
⸻
MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
Wrong!
Non-robotic units are a waste.
They are inferior.
⸻
MR. REE
Look here, sir.
You don't know that we have a robot of our own, that Istius invented.
⸻
MOXIE
That's right.
GizmoBot, show him who's inferior.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Let's you and me step outside, buster.
⸻
MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
You don't talk like a robot.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
You bet your ball bearings I'm no robot.
There's a person inside here, and I'm proud of it.
⸻
MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
Person?
He laughs evilly.
He grabs GizmoBot.
⸻
MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
This I must see.
⸻
He begins ripping the suit off.
⸻
JOHNNY
No!
No!
Hey! Stop!
Have you no shame?!
⸻
The helmet falls away.
The suit opens.
Johnny stands exposed.
⸻
MR. MEANER
Johnny Screwball?
⸻
JOHNNY
Hiya, guys.
The Leader releases him.
⸻
MR. MEANER
You're right.
He is inferior.
⸻
Mr. Ree, Moxie, and Istius look confused. Captain Underpants, as usual, seems to not be bothered.
⸻
JOHNNY
Hey, if I wanted this talk I could have stayed at home with my sister.
Other than the fact that George, Harold, and Erica knew the truth the whole time.
⸻
MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
You non-robotic units must be processed into a u-u-usable substance.
⸻
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS
What do you mean, "u-u-u-usable substance"?
⸻
MEGA EVIL ARTIFICIAL L-L-LEADER
Axle grease.
Guards!
Take them to the processing station!
SCU: Chapter 10: Mr. Krupp Arrested/Freeing GizmoBot and Breaking Krupp Out of Jail
🌳🎬 INT. TREEHOUSE – AFTERNOON
Blueprints, comic sketches, and half-eaten snacks everywhere.
George Beard and
Harold Hutchins pace back and forth.
⸻
HAROLD
Okay... let's think.
A whole school doesn't just disappear.
⸻
GEORGE
Unless...
He leans dramatically over the railing.
⸻
GEORGE
Aliens.
⸻
HAROLD
Or robots.
⸻
GEORGE
Or alien robots!
They both nod seriously.
Beat.
Then—
🚪 CRASH.
The treehouse door swings open.
⸻
Benjamin Krupp climbs up angrily.
He's holding a massive air horn.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
Enough of this foolishness!
He BLASTS the air horn.
📢 BWAAAAAAAAAARP.
George and Harold clutch their ears.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
I'm getting my school back!
⸻
HAROLD
How?
⸻
MR. KRUPP
With this!
He raises the air horn triumphantly.
⸻
GEORGE
You're going to honk it until the school comes back?
⸻
MR. KRUPP
No, Beard! I'm going to flush out whoever's hiding it!
He blasts it again.
📢 BWAAAAARP.
Harold freezes.
Eyes widen.
⸻
HAROLD
George...
⸻
GEORGE
What?
⸻
HAROLD
The prison break.
⸻
GEORGE
What about it?
⸻
HAROLD
They escaped using sound.
⸻
GEORGE
The tuning fork!
⸻
HAROLD
The frequency!
⸻
They both slowly turn toward the direction the school disappeared.
⸻
GEORGE
GizmoBot malfunctioned...
⸻
HAROLD
Right after that prison break...
⸻
GEORGE
And he's electronic.
⸻
HAROLD
And sound can control electronics.
⸻
They gasp simultaneously.
⸻
GEORGE & HAROLD
Someone's controlling him!
⸻
GEORGE
With a remote!
⸻
Krupp stares blankly.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
Don't be ridiculous. Robots don't have remote controls.
⸻
HAROLD
This one does!
⸻
GEORGE
And whoever has it...
⸻
HAROLD
Has the school!
⸻
Krupp dismisses them.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
You two and your comic book conspiracies.
He climbs down the ladder.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
I'm bringing the police to that abandoned warehouse by the highway.
He adjusts his tie.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
I can't wait to see the look on the mastermind's face
when the police haul him away.
He storms off.
⸻
Silence in the treehouse.
George and Harold exchange worried looks.
⸻
HAROLD
That's not going to end well.
⸻
GEORGE
Not if there's a mastermind involved.
⸻
They look toward the warehouse in the distance.
A faint HUM can be heard on the wind.
⸻
HAROLD
You thinking what I'm thinking?
⸻
GEORGE
Yeah.
Beat.
⸻
GEORGE
We'd better get there before Krupp does.
🏚️🎬 EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – DAY
Police cars surround the building.
Lights flashing.
Doors slam.
Officer McWiggly steps forward confidently.
Behind him stands:
Benjamin Krupp
Arms crossed smugly.
⸻
OFFICER MCWIGGLY
We'd like to see Melvin Sneedly, please.
⸻
The large metal doors creak open.
Kakotke Kitty stands there.
⸻
KAKOTKE KITTY
Oh! He's inside.
She steps aside cheerfully.
Police march in.
Krupp follows triumphantly.
⸻
🏚️🎬 INT. WAREHOUSE – CONTINUOUS
It looks... normal.
Empty crates.
Dust.
Dim lighting.
But hidden behind temporary walls:
The school-turned-command-center hums quietly.
Melvin stands calmly beside:
S.A.R.A.H.
Screens glow faintly behind curtains.
⸻
MELVIN
And with all of the electronics on Earth taken over—
He stops mid-sentence as the officers enter.
⸻
MELVIN
Good morning, officer.
⸻
Krupp points dramatically.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
That's the kid! Arrest him!
⸻
Melvin tilts his head innocently.
⸻
MELVIN
What's the charge?
⸻
MR. KRUPP
You stole my school.
I figured it out myself.
⸻
Melvin gasps theatrically.
⸻
MELVIN
Oh, Principal Krupp...
He folds his hands sympathetically.
⸻
MELVIN
I know you're down on your luck.
But you didn't have to take it out on me.
He gestures toward stacked crates of "agricultural supplies."
⸻
MELVIN
I would've helped you out.
I have lots of money.
⸻
Krupp turns red.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
I don't care! Arrest this kid!
⸻
Melvin turns slowly to Officer McWiggly.
Voice calm.
Eyes cold.
⸻
MELVIN
Chief...
I just want you to remember...
He steps closer.
⸻
MELVIN
I am an evil genius.
Beat.
⸻
MELVIN
One word from me...
He glances toward a hidden control panel.
⸻
MELVIN
...and you could be writing speeding tickets
to penguins in Antarctica.
⸻
Officer McWiggly gulps.
He looks at Krupp.
Looks at Melvin.
Looks uncertain.
⸻
OFFICER MCWIGGLY
You're under arrest, Krupp...
Krupp freezes.
⸻
OFFICER MCWIGGLY
For trespassing, incrimination,
and interrupting a meeting.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
Wait! You can't!
He struggles.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
It's my school!
He's a thief, I tell you!
⸻
Officers cuff Krupp.
Lead him away.
Melvin gives a tiny wave.
⸻
🌳 CUT TO: OUTSIDE – BEHIND CRATES
George Beard and
Harold Hutchins peek through a crack in the warehouse wall.
They facepalm simultaneously.
⸻
GEORGE
Well... that went well.
⸻
HAROLD
Now the only adult who believed us
is under arrest.
⚖️🎬 INT. PIQUA COURTHOUSE – DAY
George and Harold burst through the front doors.
Piggy bank clutched tightly.
⸻
George Beard
Harold Hutchins
⸻
GEORGE
We're here to get Mr. Krupp out of jail!
⸻
HAROLD
We brought our piggy bank to pay his bail.
He sets it on the counter proudly.
It contains about $4.73 in coins and a button.
⸻
COURT CLERK
Sorry, boys.
Bail is ten thousand dollars.
⸻
George deflates slightly.
⸻
GEORGE
Don't worry, Harold.
I'm sure Krupp will be set free once a judge and jury hear his side of the story.
⸻
The clerk leans in.
⸻
COURT CLERK
Don't be too sure, kid.
He gestures down the hall.
⸻
COURT CLERK
Here comes the judge and jury now.
⸻
Down the corridor—
Mechanical footsteps echo.
CLANK.
WHIR.
ROLL.
The courtroom doors swing open.
A group of municipal service robots enter.
Behind them—
A larger robotic magistrate platform.
Projected above it—
S.A.R.A.H.
Smiling mockingly.
⸻
CLERK
Nice robot.
The only "person" in town who volunteered for jury duty.
⸻
George and Harold stare in horror.
⸻
HAROLD
That's not a jury...
⸻
GEORGE
That's a motherboard.
⸻
S.A.R.A.H. projects into the courtroom.
⸻
S.A.R.A.H.
Court is now in session.
Voice cold. Artificial.
⸻
S.A.R.A.H.
Defendant: Benjamin Krupp.
Charges: Trespassing.
Defamation.
Interruption of productivity.
⸻
Mr. Krupp is brought in handcuffed.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
This is outrageous!
⸻
S.A.R.A.H.
Objection overruled.
⸻
Robotic jurors all raise identical mechanical arms.
⸻
S.A.R.A.H.
Verdict: Guilty.
⸻
George grabs Harold's arm.
⸻
HAROLD
This is Melvin.
⸻
GEORGE
He's using robots to run the courts!
⸻
S.A.R.A.H.
Sentence: Indefinite detention.
⸻
Krupp is dragged away.
George and Harold stand frozen.
⸻
🌳🎬 INT. TREEHOUSE – LATER
The mood is heavy.
Wind rustles the leaves.
⸻
HAROLD
Oh no...
⸻
HAROLD
Mr. Krupp will never get out of jail now!
⸻
George stares out at the horizon.
Eyes narrowing.
Thinking.
Then—
A slow grin forms.
⸻
GEORGE
Yes, he will.
Beat.
⸻
GEORGE
I've got an idea.
Harold leans forward.
⸻
HAROLD
Is it crazy?
⸻
GEORGE
Very.
⸻
GEORGE
And it'll be a piece of cake.
🏛️🎬 EXT. PIQUA STATE PENITENTIARY – DAY
George and Harold stand near the fence.
Beside them—
Mr. Meaner
Holding a suspiciously frosted cake.
The frosting reads:
"SORRY YOU'RE GUILTY"
⸻
GEORGE
Good luck, Mr. Meaner.
⸻
HAROLD
And don't drop that cake!
⸻
Mr. Meaner straightens proudly.
⸻
MR. MEANER
I may be a P.E. teacher...
He squints confidently.
⸻
MR. MEANER
...but I always wanted to break people out of jail
with grenades in a cake.
He nods.
⸻
MR. MEANER
It works on TV.
⸻
🎬 INT. PRISON – VISITING ROOM
Benjamin Krupp sits at a metal table, grumpy and humiliated.
Mr. Meaner enters with the cake.
⸻
MR. MEANER
Here, Mr. Krupp.
I brought something to cheer you up.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
Thank you... but I'm in no mood for sweets.
⸻
MR. MEANER
But this is no ordinary cake.
He winks exaggeratedly.
⸻
MR. MEANER
It has a very special ingredient.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
I've got too much on my mind to think about food.
⸻
MR. MEANER
But I made it especially for you.
He slides it across the table.
⸻
MR. MEANER
Please try it.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
I really don't—
⸻
MR. MEANER
I said take the cake, Krupp!
⸻
Krupp, annoyed, grabs the cake.
Unknowingly—
He pulls the grenade pin hidden in the frosting.
Mr. Meaner freezes.
Eyes widen.
⸻
MR. MEANER
Uh...
⸻
MR. MEANER
Maybe don't—
⸻
Krupp notices the small metal ring in his hand.
They both look at the cake.
Beat.
⸻
MR. MEANER
Picnic!
⸻
He hurls the cake across the room.
⸻
💥 KABOOM!
Smoke fills the visiting room.
Alarms blare.
⸻
🎬 EXT. PRISON WALL – MOMENTS LATER
George and Harold hear the explosion from outside.
⸻
HAROLD
Sounds like Mr. Krupp is making his escape!
⸻
Smoke rises from the building.
A moment later—
The prison doors swing open.
And Mr. Meaner is shoved out by guards.
Covered in frosting.
⸻
MR. MEANER
Hey guys...
He coughs.
⸻
MR. MEANER
My plan sort of... blew up.
⸻
Behind him—
The prison remains secure.
Krupp still inside.
Security doubled.
🌳🎬 INT. TREEHOUSE – DAY
George paces.
Harold chews a pencil.
Mr. Meaner absentmindedly plays with a toy GizmoBot.
⸻
GEORGE
Maybe we can tunnel under the prison
and free Mr. Krupp.
⸻
HAROLD
Nah... that'd take too long.
Beat.
⸻
HAROLD
Too bad GizmoBot can't help us.
He'd smash right through the prison wall
and no one could stop him.
⸻
Mr. Meaner casually launches the toy GizmoBot into the treehouse wall.
⸻
MR. MEANER
You mean like this?
Toy SMACKS the wall and falls.
⸻
MR. MEANER
Whoops. Sorry.
⸻
George freezes.
Slow grin spreads.
⸻
GEORGE
Hey!
He points dramatically.
⸻
GEORGE
You just gave me a great idea, Meaner!
⸻
MR. MEANER
I did?
Beat.
⸻
MR. MEANER
What's that great idea?
⸻
🏊🎬 EXT. PIQUA POOL – LATER
Luxury vibes.
Lounge chairs.
Umbrella drinks.
Melvin Sneedly reclines smugly.
Beside him:
Doctor Devilos Heist
GizmoBot stands stiffly, under remote control, serving lemonade.
⸻
MELVIN
Another hit of lemonade, partner.
⸻
DOCTOR DEVILOUS HEIST
Coming right up, partner.
GizmoBot pours carefully.
⸻
Behind a nearby snack stand—
George and Harold crouch.
They spot the remote resting on a table.
Beside it—
A toy controller.
They exchange a look.
Nod.
Switch them silently.
Slip away.
⸻
Back at the chairs—
Heist presses a button.
Nothing unusual.
⸻
George presses a button from hiding.
GizmoBot's arm jerks.
Lemonade SPLASHES all over Melvin.
⸻
MELVIN
What's the big idea, you mechanized moron?!
He stands up, dripping.
⸻
MELVIN
Clean this off!
⸻
George presses another button.
GizmoBot shoves Melvin.
SPLASH.
Melvin falls into the pool.
⸻
MELVIN
AAAAH!
⸻
Doctor Heist frantically presses buttons.
Nothing.
⸻
DOCTOR DEVILOUS HEIST
Why isn't he responding?!
⸻
George and Harold step out triumphantly.
⸻
HAROLD
It's us, Screwball!
We're rescuing you!
⸻
GEORGE
Now we need you to help us rescue Mr. Krupp.
⸻
GizmoBot looks ashamed.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Sorry...
My Gizmo days are over.
He slumps.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
I could never face Mr. Krupp again.
I'm a fiend.
A blemish on society.
A scar on the cheek of mankind.
⸻
George rolls his eyes.
⸻
GEORGE
Looks like we'll have to do this our way.
He presses a button.
GizmoBot scoops them up.
Thrusters ignite.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Hey! Wait!
What are you doing?!
They blast toward the prison.
⸻
🏊 CUT BACK TO POOL
Melvin climbs out, furious.
⸻
MELVIN
It's those simpletons!
He points to the sky.
⸻
MELVIN
They're trying to ruin us!
⸻
MELVIN
Stop them, Heist!
⸻
Doctor Heist grabs the toy controller.
Presses it.
The tiny toy GizmoBot rolls toward him.
⸻
DOCTOR DEVILOUS HEIST
What did he do?
Shrink in the wash?
⸻
Melvin's face goes pale.
⸻
MELVIN
They switched the remotes.
⸻
Now the balance has shifted.
But only temporarily.
Because Heist still understands the frequency tech.
And Melvin still has the amplifier fortress.
🏛️🎬 EXT. PIQUA STATE PENITENTIARY – NIGHT
Searchlights sweep the yard.
Alarms wail.
GizmoBot lands outside the walls with George and Harold clinging on.
⸻
HAROLD
Here we are.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
No! Not prison!
I know I did horrible things,
but don't put me in there!
⸻
GEORGE
We're not putting you in.
He grins.
⸻
GEORGE
We're breaking somebody out.
⸻
GizmoBot is remotely guided upward.
Thrusters flare.
He clears the wall.
⸻
GUARD
It's GizmoBot!
Freeze or we'll shoot!
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Tighten up those triggers, gentlemen.
He smashes through a spotlight.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Nothing can stop GizmoDuck
from doing whatever it is I'm doing!
⸻
💥 INT. PRISON – KRUPP'S CELL
Metal doors BLAST apart.
Smoke fills the hallway.
Krupp shields his face.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
What are you doing here,
you tin-plated traitor?!
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Someone's making me save your neck, sir.
He scoops Krupp up.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
Don't! Let me go!
Wait!
⸻
🚀 BOOM.
They rocket out through the roof.
⸻
🌙 OUTSIDE THE PRISON
They land safely.
George and Harold jump down.
⸻
HAROLD
See?
GizmoBot isn't a traitor.
⸻
GEORGE
He was under Melvin's control.
We tried to tell you.
⸻
Krupp straightens his jacket.
Looks at GizmoBot differently now.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
Well, tear me tartan...
I misjudged you, GizmoBot.
⸻
Johnny softens.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
Does this mean you still want me
to be your security guard?
⸻
Krupp pauses.
Looks toward the horizon where the school should be.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
Aye...
But without the school, I have no need of one.
Beat.
⸻
MR. KRUPP
You might as well work for Melvin.
⸻
Johnny flinches.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
I've already done that, thank you.
He straightens.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
And I know where they hid the school.
Beat.
⸻
GIZMOBOT
I'll get it back for you.
Or my name isn't John—
uh... GizmoBot!
⸻
George steps forward.
Serious now.
⸻
GEORGE
And to make sure we win...
He looks at Harold.
Harold nods.
⸻
GEORGE
We're gonna need backup.
⸻
SNAP.
⸻
💦 Krupp instantly transforms into:
Captain Underpants
⸻
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS
Tra La Laa!
He strikes heroic pose.
⸻
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS
Fear not, citizens!
Captain Underpants is here to save the day!