Rusted Aloha

I hate people who trash the beach & don’t share waves! Groms & their shitty music! Kooks who ride Costco foam boards! But my aloha spirt is still alive.

[rustedaloha]

Snag this Summer’s Limited Edition Merch... Gone Forever after 30 Sept!!! Look your best all winter long... Rusted Aloha! Stoked~Till~Death

[rustedaloha]

Burnett’s Cocoaine Hair Oil

Besides my daily saltwater dip, this is the only hair product I use… Good old Joseph Burnett’s Cocoaine Hair Oil! Now don’t get all preachy on me and say, but Rusty “Just say no to dope” or “Ugh to drugs”. I am not dousing my grayish locks with Amazonian March Dust… Nope, the “Coco” is just coco-nut oil. It’s Rusty approved!!! Conditions the hair I have left, smells great and keeps the ladies sniffing around. #StokedTillDeath

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Chummy Uncle Hobart

My family’s deadly history with sharks goes way back to this photo taken in 1916. That’s my Great Uncle Hobart, whom I sadly never got a chance to meet. My Grandfather claimed that Hobart was the chummiest, best looking waterman of his generation. A turn of the century bronze god, but cursed with a vain vanity and thirst for fame! He tragically died after this photo was taken - as these fossilized jaws accidentally snapped shut, cutting him into two bloody pieces. 

Please show Uncle Hobart some love and visit Rusted Aloha’s store... linked in my bio… Ohhhh Uncle Hobart… You are forever missed. Love, Rusty!

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I came across a pic of my old girlfriend…

I came across a pic of my old girlfriend… A lovely girl, great personality, beautiful skin, gorgeous curves… A drop dead knockout! But she just couldn’t commit (Honestly, I’ve always been a one woman guy). The summer of ‘67 I made my first pilgrimage to the Islands and she decided to hook up with a writer named Kesey and moved to Frisco… Last time I saw her, she was dealing Orange Sunshine in the parking lot of a Grateful Dead concert. The real story… Das Burgfräulein von Strechau / The Damsel of Strechau Castle in Styria, 17th century by an unknown artist.

One of the many legends of Burg Strechau in Styria recounts the story of a damsel who waited for her lover to return from the Holy Land to free it from the infidels. When he did not return, she broke her vow and married another man. When the bride appeared for the wedding ceremony her face suddenly changed into that of a skull and devilish creatures dragged her into hell.

[rustedaloha]

Mona-Keep-Smiling

What do u do when u stumble across the hilarious results of #FOIA??? U create T-Shirts!!! #KeepSmiling #Secrets https://rusted-aloha.creator-spring.com/listing/mona-keep-smiling?product=1303  Rusted Aloha #StokeTillDeath

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Hola Amigos...

Come and take a gander at my #MERCH! Kooky Tees created by ur buddy **Rusty** & stitched up by kind folks @ #TeeSpring https://rusted-aloha.creator-spring.com Rusted Aloha #StokedTillDeath

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Stoked~Till~Death

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The Lee Greenwood Bible... #OyVey https://popoff.us/rejoice-be-glad-for-the-god-bless-the-usa-bible-is-coming-2ec33d2d4603?sk=d554796da03682a0f560d406bc814d3d The forthcoming “God Bless The USA” Bible was inspired by… You guessed it!!! The proudest of all Americans, country music star, Lee Greenwood! No other singer in American history has profited more from waving the flag than this humble Nashville star, riding his tune through the country charts not once, but three times (1991, 2001 & 2003). Saint Greenwood’s endorsement will not only house the King James Version, it will also feature:- The Declaration of Independence - The US Constitution - The Bill of Rights - The Pledge of Allegiance As well as, the handwritten chorus to Greenwood’s own 1984 anthem “God Bless The USA”.

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https://rwdriver.medium.com/trumps-cyber-ninjas-audit-arizona-s-carnival-recount-e741730a235d?sk=06af95ab1f58097906c4eae7c3afbaa7

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Alabama Fixin To Keep Yoga Ban

by Da Bob In Alabama they don’t… Call you “Pretentious”… They say you’re “too big for your britches.” Don’t say “I’m about to”… They say “I’m fixin to.” Don’t get “Upset”… They “Throw a hissy fit.” Don’t say “It’ll be okay”… They say “God willin’ and the creek don’t rise.” And fervently believe that “Yoga”… Will make their chitlins Hindu! Read More...

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Shark Week Becomes Squalene Chum

We are only a few days away from one of the most loathsome weeks for surfers. A week of nightly TV that most of us salty, nasal drippers do everything to avoid. It happens every summer, that one week where the fun vibe in the lineup gets a bit frosty and sketchy; where freaky thoughts about oversized fish with multiple rows of sharp teeth swim through our collective domes.

It’s Shark Week on Discovery Channel. Oh, how I love this freakin’ week… Read More - Da Bob - YEW

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DjKK Wins Wipeout Of The Year 2020

DJ Keala Kennelly banked this year’s 2020 Red Bull Big Wave Wipeout of the Year.

It was her fin free take-off at Jaws that quickly morphed into an aquatic, cement skipping, triple somersault down the face of Maui’s most notorious north side break that secured Keala this never-sought-after, but seriously revered, surf recognition.

Important to note, Keala has always been a freakin’ charger as well as a force for equal pay for women in surfing — AND the inclusion of more ladies onto the big wave circuit; she successfully pushed for women’s inclusion at the Titans of Mavericks.

Read More - Da Bob - YEW

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WSL Goes Hollywood With Jonah Hill

by Da Bob

“Honey, honey, call me on the telephone I know you’re movin’ out to Hollywood

With your can of tasty foam…“

Not only a Rolling Stones song from ‘72, but the best way to describe what is coming out of 2020’s World Surf League offices.

#starf*cker Yup, and the star the WSL has chosen to lose it’s virginity to is … Oscar-nominated writer, actor, director, and surfer (???) Jonah Hill!

Read More - Da Bob - YEW

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Happy Birthday To... Me!

Tomorrow is my Birthday and my loving, wonderful, grown-up kids ordered me a few things online… #BirthdayPresents…

A New Cali State Park Day Pass Old School @katinusa​ Boardshorts Nat Young’s “Church of the Open Sky” and #Weed Suppositories?!?!? https://twitter.com/RustedAloha/status/1285729682051272704?s=20

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Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Makes Waves At 56 - YEW!

SI has included, amongst its usual bevy of young beauties, the most attractive 56 year old swimsuit model I have ever gazed upon.

by Da Bob for YEW Of course...  I look forward to this annual pageant of beauty ever year. However, the older I get, the crustier I grow, the more uncomfortable and creepy I feel about ogling SI’s annual Swimsuit Edition.  In short, I just don’t feel right about gawking at the assets of Generation Z. Read More - Da Bob - YEW

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Only Pottz Can Save Pro… Surfing!

Last week the WSL officially announced the death of this year’s 2020 tour and a retooled 2021 list of events... But lets get real, only Martin Potter can save Pro Surfing! Here is a serious question for all you Pro Surfer lovers out there… Since the onset of COVID-19 and the shutdown of the World Surf League’s 2020 Pro Tour… Have you really missed Pro Surfing? Did you miss the sunny opening leg on Australia’s Gold Coast or her cold slabs at Bells or Margaret River? Maybe the itch you were looking to scratch was some live Indo? Or were you looking to gawk at the sandy thongs of Brazil’s Oi Rio Pro!?! I know I miss J-Bay… I miss everything about that cold, sharky, right hand point break! Teahupo’o? Slater’s ranch in Lemoore? No! The European Leg? Da Pipe Masters? Be honest… No You Don’t! Didn’t! Haven’t! Read More - Da Bob - Medium

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The Death of Body Surfing

I just came across a comment about Body Surfing that I had never really taken into account before...

“The surf leash broke up surfing and bodysurfing, which up to that point had been united since the beginning — wipeout, lose board, bodysurf, repeat…” — Matt Warshaw

As I think about it, this is totally, freakin’ true… The leash did squeezed the life out of bodysurfing! Read More - Da Bob - Medium