[ I fell off real hard right after I made that "Need Tumblr break but still <3 RP" post. Obviously probably. Things still be Less Than Optimal in my head. Probably not gonna change anytime soon. ]
[ I'm not even going to glance at my dashboard, I think it would be a disaster, so I don't know if anyone's still around or not, but if you are, just wanted to let you know I still think about you and your muses and the stories we wrote. Hope you're all doing as okay as you can under whatever circumstances may be affecting you. :/ ]
[ Every so often I toss around the idea of moving my muse blogs to a new account and only following their partners so I don't get all bogged down again, but since I don't know what the Pokécommunity status is, I don't know if there'd be any point. Still got my push notifications on, though, so if for some reason you're trying to pin me down, I should see it eventually. ]
[ Gonna faceplant in my imaginary Noodle nest now. Noodle loves you, too~! ]
[ tl:dr version: I think Tumblr may not be a good place for me to be, but I still want to RP and do memes, so my notifications are on and I’ll see it if you ping me (as long as Tumblr remembers to actually send it to me ~_~ ). ]
[ Actual details: Behind the cut for people who don’t want long post being long on dash~ ]
I originally had this titled “I kind of hate Tumblr”, but that isn’t really accurate. It's more about the things I’ve mentioned before regarding my OCD and catching up after breaks, as well as my asocial tendancies. Any type of social interaction tends to be incredibly stressful for me - I’ve wondered at times if “introvert” is even the appropriate term, because I’m not a person who wants some interaction, just on their own terms and with time to recharge; I’m a person who has no real desire for it whatever and tends to do better, mentally/emotionally, with as little human contact as possible.
The exception to that was always RP, because you kind of have to interact with people for that, you know? And for a long time, I managed it okay. The specifics of why that changed don’t really matter here, but ultimately, I had to cut a lot of people off because I had a serious offline crisis to deal with and I felt like no matter how many times I said, “I am not able to be social anymore, it’s too much stress on top of everything else I’m going through, I will be turning off my IM services and don’t know when or if I’ll be back,” it was just being ignored.
I had already been on Tumblr for a few months prior to that, in large part because I’d heard there was an RP community here. It’s very different than the RP I’ve done before, which has both pros and cons. One of the things I’ve liked is that no one expects me to be on call for OOC conversation. I’m not getting badgered for my Skype name or logging on to find strings of, “Hi. Hi. Hi? HELLOOOO?” messages from people who know why I wasn’t available but apparently thought I should be anyway. I can comment on posts in passing if I’m feeling it (or not, if I’m not). I’m even able to enjoy bouncing comments back and forth with some of the other muns because it’s low-pressure and a lot of the time we’re just making terrible jokes.
Tumblr itself, though... It’s too easy for me to end up completely overwhelmed. I miss even just a day or two and there are likely to be 80 pages (or more) waiting for me. I don’t feel like I can RP until I’ve finished the backlog because I worry about missing the posts that say, “I’m in a bad place, I need to step back,” and looking like now I’M the one who’s not listening. Or there’ll be a non-RP post I want to respond to, but it’s so old the conversation’s long dead and I don’t know if my input is still wanted or welcome. Things like that (a lot of things like that). But there’s so much I don’t feel like I can deal with it, so I skip another day and now there’s even more of it, and it just goes on and on from there. It becomes something I obsess over and fret about. It’s basically the new “people I cut off” (though in this case it’s not about how I’ve been treated by anyone else; just purely about how I am myself).
This is the first time I’ve been on Tumblr in two weeks, and I haven’t really missed it. A couple of specific blogs, definitely, but the overall experience... Mostly I’ve just had a mix of mild guilt for not keeping up, and relief that I’ve missed so much I’ll never be able to, so it doesn’t matter anymore.
I don’t think I want to get off Tumblr altogether, because there is stuff here I like even outside the RPC, but I also very much need to not be doing what I’m doing now because it’s putting me right back where I was, and right now I don’t know how to manage that other than to not, a lot. (I know for some people the solution is to cut back on how many blogs they follow, but for similar anxiety-piggybacking-on-OCD-and-vice-versa reasons, that’s not something that would currently provide me with relief.)
Like I said, though, I do still want to RP and I love being tagged for the memes, so I have notifications set up both for my phone and (for some things) via email - that way I should catch things that are directed at me even if I’m not checking in right then. I just may not be so hot at dropping replies or dash commentary or spotting starter calls anymore. :/
(And like I also said, I haven’t so much as opened Tumblr for two weeks, so if there were any of those, “I’m done with RP/I’m dropping threads/reply here if you want to keep going” posts in the meantime, I missed them. Soo.... @eternalr0ses @clever-beets I think you were the main people I was threading with, can you let me know (when you feel able to) what YOUR status is and if you want to keep going with our stuff? [ @tes-beaux-yeux should be in there too, but I remember you were already taking a break! But if you come back and want to add your two Pokécents, you can consider this your “also very welcome to” tag. Totally no pressure; I just didn’t want you to think I’d forgotten you or didn’t care! ^_^ ])
(And if there’s anyone else I should have tagged there, you’re gonna have to give me a Slowpoke! My thread tracker’s a mess and I honestly don’t know who else I’m active with and who’s moved on. @.@ )
Rose smiles and lifts his cup to Rue’s pokemon. “Appreciated. I like them too.”
But then again, he’s never even tried to raise a fairy type before. He never had the interest to, and having encountered way too many impidimp in Glimtangle Woods as a young trainer was enough for him.
Oh, lawd, the Impidimps. Rue would have to be karaoke-drunk and then some before she’d admit it, but the start of that line has never been her favourite, either. Morgrem? Sure. Grimmsnarl? There’s one right over there, demonstrating infinite patience as an Alcremie attempts to feed it tea and braid its hair at the same time. But Impidimp? No, thank you; not if she can skip straight to the second stage.
She chuckles softly as Rose toasts her team, and does the same, because even if they’re not actively training for the Cup anymore, they still deserve it now and again. Most of them don’t even notice, as occupied as they are with their various forms of play. Zee is actually napping in the lengthening shadow beside the tent, getting it in while she can before the sun sets entirely. She’ll go back on patrol then.
Living situation: lives alone | lives with parent(s) / guardian | lives with significant other | lives with a friend | drifter | homeless | lives with children | other
Parents/guardian: mother | father | adoptive | aunt | uncle | foster | grandmother | grandfather | other
Sibling(s): sister | brother(s) | none | other
Relationship: single | crushing | verse dependent | dating | engaged | married | separated | it’s complicated
Things i’ve done before: had alcohol | smoked | stolen | done drugs | self-harmed | starved | had sex | had a threesome | had a one-night stand | gotten into a fist fight | gone to the hospital | gone to jail | used a fake ID | played hooky | gone to a rave | killed someone | had someone try to kill them (Eternatus maybe, maybe not? Who knows how that could have gone?)
Tagged by: @clever-beets, to whom I will give a reply to our thread as soon as I can sit down and throw myself wholly into Overwhelmed Fairy mode!
Tagging: @eternalr0ses, with the usual I-don’t-know-who’s-done-this-yet caveat!
Rose shrugs. “Fairy types don’t… really like me.” Ever since he was a child, in fact. Maybe they sensed he would become a steel-type specialist when he grew older. Or maybe it was his lawful personality clashing with the inherent mischief that came with fairies.
“Ohhh.” Rose did hear about it somewhere, a long time ago, now that he thought about it. He might have forgotten about it because doesn’t take cream in his tea.
Rue just nods, because that assessments meshes with what she’d thought herself. Her cup is given a swirl, allowing both sugar and Fairy cream to blend completely before she sips it. She’s one of those people who blows into the cup more than across it, and it still burns the tip of her tongue.
“Well,” she remarks eventually, because she ought to say something even if she’s not really sure what, “this lot likes you alright, I think.” She waves the cup to indicate the Fairy-types on her team.
Rose shudders. “Yeesh. That’s the one thing I don’t miss about camping.” He wonders how Taisto put up with that. Maybe his sour attitude alone was enough to keep unwanted guests out.
Rose watches the Alcremie dip her hand into the teacups curiously. “What was that?”
“When it gets to the point that you need to bring a damn broom along to swwp them out -” And by sweep them out, she means swing it overhand and shriek curses like a banshee. “- that’s when you switch to the packets,” Rue agrees.
A brow perks. “Do you...not know about that?” The corners of her mouth twitch faintly upward. It might make sense, with Rose’s type focus - Fairies and Steel are natural opposites, after all - but it’s always hard to guess what someone might have picked up - or not - before they specialized. “When Alcremie trust their Trainers, they share their cream.” Her lips purse. “I’m not really sure what that means with her putting it in her own cup, but I try not to think too hard about it.”
Copperajah seems to have adopted Noodle as one of her own, with the way she’s making sure he is adequately covered by a healthy layer of dirt to protect him from the sun.
Rose realises that she’s never had a baby cufant to take care of. Would she want that?
Rue draws him out of that though, however. “Galarian breakfast is fine,” he smiles, sprinkling two sugar packets into his tea. Galarian breakfast is his favourite flavour, anyway.
“Bug shouldn’t be a problem, with my Arcanine and Noivern.” Noivern especially would love the extra snack.
Oh goodness. A Mama’Ajah. She could carry the egg in the curl of her trunk, and when it hatched, the little Cufant could slide down her tusks like a - well, like a slide. They’d go viral on PokéSnap with one post.
“It’s less about whether or not I can chase them off than just how annoying it got to be to find a tent full of Durants every time I turned around.” Rue chuckles wryly and settles down with both her own cup and one far smaller, a plastic children’s cup printed with Wooloo and Bunnelby, which she passes to Alcremie. The puff dips one hand, very carefully, first into her Trainer’s cup, then her own, and spins around, squealing happily.
Rose nods slowly, brow clearing. That’s actually kind of cute.
He sits down by the fire and his Arcanine sits behind him, poking his muzzle on his cheek. Rose pets his ears.
Copperajah continues scraping at the ground, occasionally sprinkling some dirt on Noodle. Sun protection.
Isn’t it, though? Rue’s mum, in her overalls and flower-print wellies, and Leon-and-Hop’s (slightly older and slightly plumper, but no less casually clothed), lounging on the sofa with glasses of grocery-store wine and a holiday marathon of Informational Murder Porn.
...well, it’s something, anyway.
Noodle wallows happily in the cast-off dirt, and once he’s covered thoroughly enough that he’s going to need an actual bath, shoves his nose under the earth and drills a helpful hole of his own. Meanwhile, with the water boiling, Rue fills the cups, times a careful steep with Rotom’s clock face, and passes Rose both his cup and a handful of sugar packets. “It’s just Galar Breakfast, nothin’ fancy. I started bringing the packets once I realized loose sugar lured in every bug in a three-kilometer radius. Which I suppose is great if you’re a Bug-Type specialist, but I can do without it.”
Rose stares at Rue, with an uncomfortable smile rising to his face. “That’s… a lot of detail you’re putting into it.”
Should he be getting worried?
At the camp, Copperajah is absently digging at the ground with her trunk, with Purrserker still on top of her head.
“You didn’t,” Rose calls back to Rue, “Just sugar, please.”
Rue laughs like she’s more amused by it than Rose it, like it’s nothing. “Not really,” she admits, after she’s given him a few more seconds to wonder. “You know those based-off-a-supposedly-true-story made-for-TV movies that all have titles like ‘Her Deadly Trainer’ and ‘The CheerLeaguer Who Stalked Me’? I’ll tell ya’a little secret. My mum, and Leon’s mum, are f’n crazy about ‘em. They used to get together on weekends and binge ‘em. I guess some of it stuck.”
Noodle shuffle-scooches over to Copperajah’s hole-in-the-making and peers in curiously. Rue reppears with a cleaner, smaller pot than what they’d cooked the curry in and sets up the tea station, water over the fire and bags waiting in metal camping cups.
“Indeed,” Rose says, “Laws are laws, even if the victim is… less than popular.”
Rose, Noivern, Crawdaunt and Arcanine, who had been waiting outside the den, follow Rue back to the camp. Arcanine is so excited about his master being back that he almost tackles him to the ground. “Easy there,” Rose laughs.
“'course, you might get lucky, too,” Rue muses, “and what you done is more popular than who you did it too, so the people makin’ the laws find you a way around it. Little silver ‘cross the judge’s palm, little bribe to the parole board, little get out early for good behaviour...” It’s starting to sound like she’s thought about this. She really hasn’t; she’s just got that kind of mind.
Back at the camp, Zacian has settled down near the tent, though she’s still keeping a watchful half-eye on their surroundings (the other half is lidded and sleepy). Rue ducks though the flaps and begins rummaging around. “Did I ask what you take in it?” she calls. “I’ve already forgotten.” Both whether she asked, and if there’d been an answer, what it was.
[ I do the thing I mentioned before, where I skip Tumblr for a day or two and then I have 100+ pages to go through, and my OCD won’t let me RP until I punish myself for taking the break by finishing the backlog, but because I know how much there is, I just keep getting more and more overwhelmed by it, and by the time I’m finally done, I’ve been putting off the RP for so long that now I have anxiety about picking the paused threads back up on top of it. And I feel like I can’t just do the RP and let the rest of it go, because what if I missed something important and inadvertently drop a post on a mun who’s having a shtty time and doesn’t want to RP right now, and I look like I’m not paying attention/just don’t care? ]
