No one's Junior

Rabastan Lestrange I 6th I Snake HOW MANY VERSIONS- OF SELVES HAVE I SHED OVER THE YEARS? HOW MANY MORE WILL I LIVE- AND HOW MANY MORE- WILL I LEARN TO FORGET?

[daenatravers-deactivated2017030]

a girl wishing upon fallen stars and a boy shrouding himself in darkness, they had never been an obvious fit, but feelings had blossomed through years of friendship and hearts had beaten in unison as they collided. & she had let him in, let him see past defences built and carved out by cold mother and devoted father. he had been the one who could call her back to reality when mind raced wild and eyes were focused on the stars. perhaps they had never been an obvious match, but that did not mean they had been any less REAL.

but she had been MESMERISED by friend found in fourth year. a boy destined for death had become her weakness, and when he called she would run to him. and by such behaviour she had been accused of loving another, an unforgivable crime when hearts were said to belong to each other. but daena had always been a girl made up of sunlight, a girl loving the light and even if she had loved the man hiding in the shadows it was no wonder that she was drawn to the man with a fate carved out by the gods themselves.

standing across from rabastan, daena cannot help but feel sad about the fact that he is hiding himself from her –– for she had always hoped that she would be the one to see HIM without any masks worn upon handsome features. and as he turns towards her, no mask is shown and she lets doe eyes connect with his blue ( she had always said they reminded her of the ocean ). 

“ You are, and will always be, Rabastan, to me. ” it is an answer that is not an answer. the manner in which a politician produces a reply to a question without wishing to speak his true opinions. it falls off her tongue without hesitation, and it is the only truth she knows in regards to the boy who broke her heart ( for that he did ). he broke her heart, REJECTED, her light and claimed it was directed at someone else, someone new, and even if she had denied ( almost pleaded ) their end had been inevitable, for the youngest lestrange had decided that they were no longer to be. a truth so painful that she almost winced at the thought of it. 

his mask has slipped away, and her instinct is to step closer, to hold and to kiss –– but she is not allowed to do that any more and he has only seconds ago rejected her. her pride causing for her to let arms cross over her chest as she tries to hide emotions behind tall walls ( but he had been invited in once, he had always been able to slip past her defences ). “ That’s who you are to me. Rabastan ” and she says his name in a whisper like she had done when she and him had been a THEY “ ––– A friend, my first love, Rabastan. ” because there were no words to describe the hurricane of emotion flowing through her right as they spoke, and a shaky breath leave her lips. 

[rvbvstvnx]

There was an icy tingling creeping through his veins, frost coating his heart, his transformation nearly complete with her further rejection of HIM. He may be the only one that saw it as such, as he was the one saying no, but her need and desire had nothing to do with him and everything to do with her selfish wants. He had never seen her as such a creature, of one ruled by desire, of something so weak befitting her. But it had been some time since he’d spoken with her, he’d been afraid he’d do something just like this and launch himself back into the melancholy she’d escorted him in to.

Words, lies, trivialities, it all meant nothing to him as those damned walls fortified with every breath he took. Her beauty had once captivated him but now it felt like a trick. Rabastan was haunting himself by wanting her in his arms once more, she was nothing but a ghost now and he had to accept her death in his life. 

“I am nothing to you. I’m a GHOST, a hollow memory.” He didn’t spit these words, they were spoken with the intent of being fact, of instruction and she best learn. He could offer her nothing but darkness but it amazed him that her shining heart belonged to one more damned than he. It made her a hypocrite, she was entranced by the darkness inside beautiful boys, perhaps he just wasn’t dark enough for her, or the right kind of dark. He felt disgusted with her, with the truths he was feeding himself to make the burning in his throat subside. 

“And you---” He stared at her then, the light in his eyes visibly dimming. His recent encounters were forcing him deeper into the pits of hell he’d dug himself. Rabastan was using those he cared for, or might have cared for, as tools to his own demise and as he was accepting that sad truth he felt the weight upon him diminish. The weight he’d been bearing his entire life, it was lifting and he’d never felt more relieved even as he slipped into darkness. “---I am nothing to you.” He meant them to be the final words he’d speak to her with any kindness or mercy. 

[moonlyaffairs]

You lost her. And now she lights up the night-time sky for her new lover cause he recognized her as the moon. And you envy him. She could’ve been your moon, but you were too busy chasing the dimly lit stars.

Zienab Hamdan - Admit it, you messed up.  (via sadgirl1017)

[wnq-writers]

i want you to remember that night when we were young and a little awkward and reckless and we loved with our hearts that night when we stayed up talking because sleep is so run-of-the-mill. that night when we laughed till our stomachs started to hurt. that night when nothing was ordinary. please, remember that night and the color of my eyes the shirt you wore the rugged jeans’ on the floor and 4 am coffees; remember it all because it did not last a lifetime like we promised each other it would.

sheisartherself  (via wnq-writers)

[narcissablvxk-blog]

In less than a second after his palm had made contact with her cheek, her mind was reeling, racing to come up with a reaction. The pain caused her eyes to sting as she fought back tears, which was rare when usually the first thing she did was hit back. Perhaps it was because this was Rabastan and Rabastan wasn’t supposed to hit Narcissa because she was Narcissa Black. So she held a hand over her cheek, already anticipating some sort of bruise and for the first time, she didn’t think she would cover it up. Nor did she bother slapping him back as a twisted smile appeared on her face. “You have no idea what you’ve just done,” she said to him. “I mean honestly Rabastan, what are you going to do? Torture me? Please, you have no idea how strong I am, or how much power I really have. I’m already compiling a list of who I can get to ruin you because nobody lays a hand on me and gets away with it. And Rodolphus, what will he think when I tell him you bruised me over a couple silly comments? Plus I’ll definitely be telling my father about this, rest assured. Perhaps he’ll give your father a refund and find Andromeda a suitable match. Romulus had to beg Cygnus to agree to it, you know that right?” Possibly a lie, she had no clue what went on behind closed doors, but she instinctively could not back down from this fight. Not after he crossed such a line. “Really, Rabastan, you should never have treated me like a child. Because I’m a perfect young lady, and underestimate me as much as you’d like but everyone is going to take a perfect young lady’s word over that of a violent boy. If I’m lucky I’ll even still have the bruise when the Minister attends our party. I’m sure he’d love to hear about this, aren’t you?” Her eyes still stung but she fought to hide that from him. “Would you like to hit me again? You’re more than welcome. I can take it.”

[rvbvstvnx]

A self satisfied smirk glued itself to his face and even her pathetic grasping at straws could not remove it. It seemed a staple of hers, or girls like her, to scream to the high heavens about how she would ruin him, of running to others to do her dirty work for her, it was pathetic and he was laughing, fully, at her now. Her threats meant nothing to him, she thought she knew what was important to him, she had no idea. Rabastan was not afraid of her, or her father or even his own. In fact, if his father was angry it would mean he’d look at Rab, speak to him, it would be a novelty. He saw the water in the corner of her eyes, could guess at the effort it was taking to keep tears from falling, it filled the dark space within him to the brim. “You are nothing but a weak, pathetic little girl. Run to daddy, run to your minions, but keep your hands clean. Typical.” That smirk came round again and he was reveling in the feeling of fearlessness and power, it was intoxicating. 

“Rodolphus, who cares what he thinks, and he at the very least has enough intelligence to understand you are not an innocent party, but I am not afraid of my brother. As for the betrothal? I’d be delighted if it was cancelled, however your father would be getting the refund. You see, they sold Andromeda to us, like cattle, for a price you’d probably balk at, she wasn’t really worth much you see, pity.” He pushed out his lip in mock sympathy for a moment. Her dig didn’t hit home, it couldn’t, he knew he was not a suitable match for any wealthy pureblood girl but he had no intentions of letting his family run his life much longer.

 If Narcissa ran to her father and the betrothal was removed he’d be ecstatic and one step closer to the freedom he so desired. “Violent boy? You really don’t get it. I may be a little bit broody but everyone knows me as a charming gentleman, and you, well---” He bit his lip, looking over her like a piece of meat, degrading her with his eyes as best he could “---everyone knows how dirty you are.” That statement might not be entirely accurate, but Rabastan knew only one person had ever seen his true self. He knew too many people who knew nothing about him at all. He knew most saw him as quiet, studious, respectful and none would truly believe he had hit Narcissa, not without cause at the least.

 “I have no need, I’ve bruised more than your face with one blow. And, if you don’t have it healed, everyone will see what a drama queen you are, how desperate you are for attention. They’ll all see what I see, a silly little girl with no true merit beyond her trivial beauty. I’ll be going now, do enjoy that Christmas party, give the minister my best.” The darkness in him was growing, he was feeding it a healthy diet of violence, anger and bitterness. The only opinion he thought would view his abuse of Narcissa in a positive light was a man he had not yet met, a man he was afraid of, a man who was pulling him deeper to the wrong side.

[andrxmedacblack]

In another life, maybe it would have been possible that she could have fallen in love with Rabastan Lestrange. Maybe, if they’d grown up together, having playdates from the times they were still in diapers. But while they’d grown up in the same social circles, attended the same parties for as long as either could remember - they had not grown up together. They had grown up separately, as separately as anyone in their circle had. She couldn’t remember really seeing him around much. Maybe the same was true for him. Maybe they were both just too good at finding hiding places. There were a million maybes - but the fact was that they didn’t know each other, and couldn’t trust each other, and what kind of relationship begins like that?

“I see,” she said with a small smile as she let the subject drop. His walls were much taller than hers. “Maybe you’ll tell me one day.”

[rvbvstvnx]

She gave in so easily, and it was kind and polite and he couldn’t help but despise it. She did it with such ease but perhaps it wasn’t a ruse for her, perhaps she was simply kind and polite. Rabastan had never been able to fake it perfectly, he did well enough to get by, to charm those of lesser skill and intelligence, he felt he would not get as far with his betrothed. “It is a possibility.” He said it without a smile, without that falsity on his face. It was possible, he may one day come to trust her, even if he never loved her. But he couldn’t rule that out either, he didn’t really want to.

[closedrod-blog1]

Rodolphus felt himself tense. He wasn’t sure why Rabastan was seeming so moody, and he could tell he wanted reassurance in the way he said you clearly want nothing to do with me when he had just specifically just offered to tell him what he wanted to know. “I’m not playing these games with you, rabbit—” a term that he had once used to refer to his brother in their younger years. “– If you want to know something, fucking ask me. What do you want to know?”

[rvbvstvnx]

The old nickname made his skin tingle, with possibly good memories but he couldn’t grasp at them.  “I’m not playing games with you brother, let me make that clear.” He bit back the anger rolling through him in waves. “I already did and you rebuffed me, but as usual your memory puts me at fault.”

[narcissablvxk-blog]

Quite honestly, Narcissa wished that she and Rabastan could at least respect one another. The friendship she had with his older brother was unmatched by anyone other than her sisters and next year almost all of her boys would be gone, she would be so lonely. Yet, the way Rabastan treated her was far too similar to those who did not see her potential. Who looked at her like all she was was a little girl. She knew she was so much more. Because of that, she actually could hardly stand speaking to him, being made to feel like nothing special when the reality was that she did everything in her power to be special. “Oh I quite plan on enjoying my parties. I do hope you enjoy your solitude. You’ll have a few weeks to not worry about your unintentional rudeness. I do pity Andromeda,” she said with a subtle shrug before continuing, unable to stop herself from continuing her insults, it was always hard to stop when she started. “I have no desire to care about someone who doesn’t care about me, especially not someone who lives in his sibling’s shadow rather than trying to make a light of their own.” Another sickeningly sweet smile. “So don’t worry Rab, I won’t ask how you’re doing because I truly, honestly, do not care at all.”

[rvbvstvnx]

He couldn’t stop the tremor in his hands, he rarely had enough control for that and often had to find a way to release his anger or he would easily explode. But this time, faced with such insolence, so much selfish self absorbence, such a haughty desire to best others and feel superior. Narcissa was a hazard, and Rabastan personally felt that if someone had to try so hard at evry turn, someone that could not feel love without everyone bowing before her, someone so obsessed with appearing perfect, it maddened him. Rabastan had his own flaws, he knew that, but he felt justified. Narcissa had so much and the way she used it, the way she manipulated people to get what she wanted, the way she broke them, it reminded him of his father and he acted without thought when he slapped her hard across the face. His hand stung with the impact and yet he felt no remorse, she was a spoiled brat and it was time someone taught her that she couldn’t so easily get away, that damge had recoil. “If you EVER speak to me that way again I will do more than bruise your petty, I mean pretty, face.”

[andrxmedacblack]

She smiled back - almost as a matter of course, but also because his smile was truly infectious. But even as she did, she wondered if it was genuine. If he meant it. Or if he had some kind of ulterior motive for trying to lighten the mood - she just didn’t know him well enough to figure out if it was really safe to relax around him. “That’s a fair point,” she said. But her mind shot up a red flag. No. He didn’t feel those feelings, that yearning for escape. At least not in the same way. For her, the things that held her here weren’t fear of what lay outside her circle of familiarity - but the people she would have to leave behind. “How do you handle them, if you don’t mind my asking?”

Idly, she wondered what their relationship would turn into. This, this was the sort of conversation she had with her friends on a regular basis. It wasn’t any different. She wondered if she would feel anything at all, if he touched her, if they kissed. How would you handle that, Rabastan? You know how to handle the dark, how about the cold?

[rvbvstvnx]

Andromeda was beautiful in the way snow might be for those that enjoyed it’s aesthetic. In truth Rabastan knew little about the girl she had been and the one she was now, he was so consumed in himself that despite his observation skills he cared little for the way others might have suffered unless it would benefit him in the end, a true Slytherin no matter what he tried to tell himself on lonely nights. Her question would have been inappropriate were they not in the situation they found themselves in. She was his betrothed, and for that it seemed she had a right to his innermost thoughts and feelings. It made him shiver, to think of it that way, that someone might be privy to who he was at his core due to nothing more than a dowry and a contract.

“The answer to that would take more time and tedium than I expect you are prepared for at this moment.” It was truthful but more evasive than anything. Rabastan was not ready to give her so much ground. This wasn’t so much a battle as a game of chess. Of course that would mean someone would win and someone would lose, he didn’t want to see marriage in that kind of light.

[delilahxcarrow]

Alecto looked at him, slightly confused when he laughed, but she didn’t question it, she figured that it was just….Rabastan being himself. Or maybe he had been drinking today, although he didn’t seem to be drunk. It could just be that he was uncomfortable…and Alecto wouldn’t blame him since she was feeling rather uncomfortable too, at the moment. But not in the same way that she usually felt when she was around people, who brought up things that she would rather forget. Rabastan…while he was making her uncomfortable, it wasn’t because of him himself, but just because she had never even thought of sleeping in someone’s bed that wasn’t her brother. He was the only one that she ever allowed to see her at her weakest, and that happened at night, so…she had always preferred to keep that side of her to herself and not allow anyone else to witness it. But then here was Rabastan, offering her a place to go at night, but he didn’t know what that meant…he didn’t know about her terrible nightmares she had at night. She looked up when he said oh, wondering what he had realized. She wanted to ask, but asking…might confirm whatever it was he thought, so she just…told herself to let it go for a few moments. “You’re not pressuring me, Rabastan,” she said, giving him a small smile. “But thank you. That’s really….kind of you. Really,” she said, wanting him to know that she appreciated it for once, that she wasn’t always the bitch that she pretended to be.

[rvbvstvnx]

He almost snorted, it was incredibly rare anyone called him kind, or thought he was even capable of such a thing. It might have been a compliment for someone else but Rabastan decided to take it as an affront, effectively cutting down on his current friendliness, this exchange might have gone too far. “Well, like I said, no problem.” It was uncomfortable now, he’d made it so much worse but there was no going back. “I should get going, you probably need to pack anyway.”

[narcissablvxk-blog]

There was something about Rabastan that seemed forced that sometimes made her wonder what kind of mask he painted on every morning. Hers was something she’d grown up wearing. It never came off, nor did she want it to. In any case, it made him a great match Andromeda. And in her heart, she let her guard down for very few people. Despite his brother being one of those, she would not trust Rabastan with her Mum’s middle name, let alone her true emotions. “Great,” she said with a big smile. “You were being quite rude, but I’ll forgive you.” And Narcissa shrugged, not feeling bad for her response because she preferred to follow up a lie with a truth. It cancelled the lie out and made her seem trustworthy. “But anyway, it’s been great. All my Christmas shopping is done and Francoise is creating several different custom gowns for all of my parties.” She smiled behind bright pink lips and placed a hand on her hip. “Am I supposed to ask how you are now?”

[rvbvstvnx]

The way she looked at him now made him uncomfortable, how could it not? People usually wanted to see behind the mask he wore, if they noticed it at all but Narcissa almost----scored him on how convincing his was, she was perceptive, if shallow. But as he was in the same club she was, the nobody really knows me club, he knew she was putting it on and maybe even a little bit more for him. Rabastan couldn’t figure out why she would dislike him to the point of being overtly fake and rude but he didn’t have the time or energy to care. “At the very least it was unintentional.” He said in a direct tone, hoping she was hiding enough intelligence to understand his meaning. When she began bragging again it took everything in him not to roll his eyes, but he somehow managed it. “Well, enjoy your parties then.” His tone was leaking toward disdain but her next question nearly sent his blood boiling. “If you have no desire to hear the answer I’d prefer you not.”

[souldistracted]

he is the dangerous boy with the wild heart and I am the girl who never stops trying to coax the softness out of his shell. he makes me feel free and I give him the freedom to be, to hurt, to feel, to love. his lips taste like thunder and I have always tried to brave the storm.

i tried not to love him, by j.h. (via alyxofrp)

[museofbirds]

you were born broken. ( that is your birthright. )

[floyddlawton-deactivated2018033]

Little soldier boy, your gaze so cold, your swing so mean. You play with knives, weapons and dreams. The night captures us, the cold sets in our bones, we are left alone. Little soldier boy, your heart is frozen, you breathe out ice. You play with lives, death and memories. You keep treading the line so fine between martyrdom and lies. The past kills you, every single time yet you are reborn in the night. Little soldier boy, when will you remember, this is not who you were. Now you just kill without remorse and dread the morning light. Little soldier boy, where was your innocence lost.

A bullet in the barrel of the gun aimed at your best guy’s head  // p.m. (via findingbarnes)

[adellanott-deactivated20170313]

“With my parents. And with Daena. But a break from all this is always nice.”

[rvbvstvnx]

“That’s not exactly what I meant, though I’m glad to hear you’ll have happy company.”

[daenatravers-deactivated2017030]

once, thrown into a moment of passion (·VENGEANCE )·and then, she is thrown out in the cold. the weak flutter her heart had made when rabastan’s lips first touched hers had withered somewhere in her chest.·

with hurt and confusion doe eyes look at him, studies the boy that was once hers, and even if hurt was felt it was more because of her own pride than him denying her. daena had always been a selfish girl, told that the world was hers to do with as she pleased and it was in these moments it was the most apparent. she was hurt because he denied her, but not because she loved·him ––·though the girl does not know this·YET. for in wish to not see what is so apparent to rabastan she decides that the hurt is felt because he is the one breaking them apart, once more.·

looking up on rabastan now, daena knows that he SEES·her more clearly than anyone has ever done (·except evan who saw more than she wished him to ). the youngest lestrange had always been able to see past her defences and see the real girl hiding behind the sugary smile ––·perhaps that had been their fall? him, the boy with the masks, seeing the real girl behind the sunshine. the one who did not always smile and weren’t so nice that everyone thought. oh, she almost shuddered at the thought.·

then. there are his words. they worm their way into her heart, eyes so familiar that she knew each change in them showing something she hasn’t seen since their ending ––·fragility. without thought, right hand reaches out to lock around his wrist and drag him back. FORCE·him to face her rather than turn away. let petite form caress his wounds, make them better (·even if she was the one who had inflicted them ). this was the conflicted heart’s weakness, the former lover standing before her showing himself VULNERABLE·to her.

“·Don’t,·”·other hand reaching up to caress statuesque features. limbs moving out of habit as she seeks to lock her eyes with his. perhaps it would have been easier to let him leave, to slip through her fingers and disappear like a ghost in the night but there was too much HISTORY·between the boy hiding in the shadows and the girl desperate for the sun. a history she couldn’t deny, and which had caused for her heart to care far more than she had ever thought.·“·Don’t leave. Please?·” and there is softness in her words. a FRAGILITY matching his own as she seeks for confirmation that he will stay. selfish heart still beating rapidly behind protective walls. “ I don’t want you to, ” an added whisper, so low that she doesn’t even know if it’s intended for him to hear.·“·It’s my fault, I just. I don’t ––·”·know how to act around you anymore, and i want to feel something else than the confusing anger adella’s secret left me with. but she doesn’t admit to the last, and chooses the first as the reason for their encounter, for the passionate response to his REAL·kiss.

[rvbvstvnx]

When she speaks the air whooshes past his ears, like it was no more than a whisper on the cool breeze, because could he really expect her to desire his presence now he’d rejected her? What he should, what he should have always done, was let the blame lay with him. It had been Rabastan that broke up with her and it was his decision now to end what he’d tried to restart. A boy desperate to be loved, he couldn’t even be sure now that she’d ever felt such emotion for him when they were together, and she certainly didn’t now. It was him, with his foolish heart and false hope, he was so blinded by desire he couldn’t let himself see and feel the cold, hard truth. 

Daena was literal sunshine and once he thought she was the light at the end of his very long, dark tunnel. The reality was harsher, something he didn’t wish to face and it was hitting home only now. Rabastan was in possession of an overwhelming darkness, the kind of soul that was so devoid of light that even she couldn’t save him. Maybe she’d tried, maybe she’d had the thought that she could save him, warm his frozen form but it was useless. He knew he’d been difficult to love, that had been made clear to him since his birth but he’d thought all of that heartache was behind him when he asked her to be with him. 

It was his darkness however that drove her away, that pushed her heart straight into the arms of another. Rabastan wanted to be bitter, angry, two things he was truly talented at, but he couldn’t. If he had been less of those things she might have been able to let herself love him, she might have wanted to. Now all he was doing was hurting them both, but the blame was his and his alone. Her words had his blood run cold, ice sliding in his veins. Did he want to stay or did he feel he owed her that much? Would it be bad if he felt both, or was one worse than the other? 

As he turned to face her his  blue eyes glittered, for one last moment he wanted her to know him but when it was gone so too would he, hidden from her like the sun in eclipse, to save them both. “Why stay?” His voice felt like gravel, pain or something worse creeping into it, he hardened himself. He wanted to hold her again and it was then he sought to feel as if she was manipulating him, it forced the wall higher, strengthened its power.  “What am I to you now?” The question was simple curiosity at this point as he fully evolved into the monster he’d never let her see in full regalia.

[narcissablvxk-blog]

Narcissa was, in some ways, a paradox within herself. For example, she despised it when insignificant people stuck their nose in her business, however she had grown accustomed to those around her caring about her welfare. Honestly and selfishly she’d hoped Rabastan would ask how she was doing, how Andy was doing (not that she’d told Narcissa about that), about anything really. But Rabastan was Rabastan and not Rodolphus or the other Slytherin boys who drop everything to listen to her woes. So instead, Narcissa smiled back, clapping her hands because she couldn’t care that he didn’t care. “Oh I love the sound of it already!” She laughed and shook her head at his question. “Depending on where it’s coming from, I’m a 6 here, a 2 in America, 38 in Italy, 34 in France and… a 7 in Japan,” she finished with a smile.

[rvbvstvnx]

He shouldn’t have been surprised she knew it in different countries, Narcissa, for all her virtues, was very attentive to her outward appearance. It wasn’t that he couldn’t appreciate that, he did it too but in a different context. It was then he realized he was being rude, his anger had distracted him. “Oh, Cis I’m sorry, I’m so rude. I haven;t seen you in awhile, how are things?” There were some things Rabastan was good at, keeping up appearances and putting the mask firmly in place. But simple measures like etiquette he often let slip, he offered little respect for most but expected it from all. It was difficult to figure out what it was he wanted, versus his needs and the ideals of those he both despises and idealizes. With Narcissa, he was fond of her for a myriad of reasons, he’d never felt the need to be unkind to her but he also didn’t trust her as far as he could throw her.

[oliviakings]

Olivia heard a scoff from behind her and did a double take. “There you are,” she said, handing the books back to the student and turning to face Rabastan. “Some local hero you are.”

[rvbvstvnx]

His eyes narrowed at the diminutive brunette, she was being brave, speaking to him that way. “Looks like you’re hero enough for both of us.”