❥ Send ₩ To Force Molly Into Emotional Autopsy // Accepting
One may think that there isn't much that can be said that hasn't already been said between them ... The tragedy is there is still so much more that is buried and ignored between both of them.
Being forced to dig up those thoughts, those feelings, and lay them bare in the open upon their feet? Molly rather just be fucking waterboarded to death.
"I love you more than life itself, I know that's hard ta' believe sometimes, but it's true," she'd begin, words escaping her lips as if she wasn't even aware of herself saying it. Natural. Honest truth.
"I know I failed you. Every day wheneva' I look at you, see ya' eyes, wheneva' you fake a smile or show your frown or exhaustion ... I blame that on myself. Sometimes I believe I've earned your hostility than your love ... It always hurts, ya' know, wheneva' we fight, and we both say shit we regret lata' ... But, wheneva' you say anythin' awful ta' me, or about me, wheneva' you let'cha resentment really come through ... It hurts. It devastates me. But, I know I da'serve it, ya' know? That 'n' more. I can't argue or fight 'bout it."
"I don't da'serve your forgiveness, your love, kindness ... I really don't. 'N' I know that, tha' only reason I got it, is because you don't know what else, you know what I mean? Like ... I was all you had. As awful as it is. I do think, though, with these otha' broads now 'round who are pra'bly a lot betta' than I eva' was. Least Charlie, anyway ... I get scared you'se gonna wise up one day soon. Every fight we have I dread it might be tha' last time we eva' even speak ta' each otha'. 'N' It's selfish'a me, I know."
Was there tears rolling down her cheeks? They felt wet, so, maybe.
"Despite all'a that, you're my pride 'n' joy, ya' know? I'm so proud'a you ... 'n', ya' know, I've always been a little envious sometimes, ya' know? As awful as that is, too. You got ta' be apart tha' business, even though you didn't want it. You got ta' leave. You made somethin'a ya'self here. You have this wonda'ful lil' group'a people who support you, 'n' are here for you now ... I always tried ta' be that for you, for everyone else ... But, I neva' really had any'a those chances, ya' know? I neva' made anythin'a myself. I was always just a detria'ment ta' tha' family. Even now, I'm really nothin'. I ain't got much'a nobody that ain't tha' family, that ain't you. You're somebody. I ain't. So, you even still wastin' your time on me, who was neva' enough for you ta' begin with? I feel I somehow fuckin' ... Tricked or forced you inta' it somehow. Again, I was all you used ta' have, you were stuck with me. You know you ain't anymore, right? I sometimes think I might be a fuckin' leech on ya' back. Maybe you'd be betta' off without me. Maybe I came here ta' tha' hotel not for your sake at all, but for mine. I wonda' if you eva' even needed me as much as I needed you. I can't even say I can have some sort of pride in seein' you be who you are, with ya' accomplishments 'n' tha' people you have ... Because you did all that without me. You eva' think 'bout that? Because I do. "
Her words now were spilling out in a rapid rate, nearly tripping over herself.
She had to give another pause to breath, she was shuddering.
"I'm sorry. I'm pathetic. I know you pra'bly think'a me as such, too ... Or that you really should, ya' know? When I used ta' tell people you'se was my betta' half, I meant it. I love you, so, so much ... I always, always, want what's best for you. Despite everythin', you could finally cast me aside ta' tha' curb, tell me you resent 'n' hate me, but, if you'se happy? You able ta' smile genuinely? Feel loved 'n' supported somewhere? I can be okay ... That's all I eva' wanted for you ... I'm just selfish ta' want ta' be apart of tha' reason, ya' know?"
A hand goes to wipe away at her cheeks.
"You are so much betta' than you give ya'self credit for. You were dealt such a terrible hand, Angel ... 'N' I'm sorry for every single time I eva' made it worse. You always were, and will be, mio angelo bambino. And I'm so, so sorry that you didn't have betta' olda' siblin's that ya' da'served. Nothin' that happened ta' you, or that ya' ended up doin', is your fault. Not ta' me, neva' was. You were set up for failure, but you still came so far, fartha' than tha' rest'a us did."
