Wedding planning is hard.
Being in the industry for 10 years and documenting over 300 weddings, you think I’d have a handle on planning my own wedding, wouldn’t you?
This has been one LONG journey - We got engaged back in May of 2018 (which seems like a lifetime ago) and planned for our wedding to be in 2020. To start off with, money was already a problem. We knew that neither of our families came from wealth and that we’d have to work hard to create the day we wanted, so right off the bat we planned for a long engagement to allow us some time to save. But boy, we didn’t expect the rollercoaster ride we were in for.
Right off the bat we started planning. My family let us use their yard as a venue, we found a photographer, band, videographer, florist, planner — all within the first 6 months. It was overwhelming. Being someone as indecisive as myself, I found myself really looking to my friends & family for advice. And I’d slowly learn that, that was a big mistake. They had even more opinions than me (mostly bad) OR they didn’t say anything helpful and stayed neutral. Choosing vendors wasn’t the only hard part…once 2020 hit everything went to shit.
What should I start off with first? The fact that our business that solely relies on wedding income basically tanked? The fact that our photographer rudely backed out? The fact that we had to change our date AND find a new venue? So many things happened and it was so overwhelming.
As we get down to the nitty gritty of wedding planning one thing I have found I am lacking most in my relationships is support. Now, many of my friends support us. They support this marriage, they support our relationship, they love us. Each of them do. But what I mean by support is pretty complicated. On one hand, you have the traditional kind of support an  acquaintance would provide: simple, distant support (like I just mentioned). On the other hand you have a more involved support system, people who check in on you, see if you need help with anything, text you and ask you how it’s going, and help you any second they can. THATS the support I’ve found to be lacking in a lot of my relationships as the wedding grows closer. Not just with friends, but with family too.
Everyone can say they were supportive 3 years ago. Hell, everyone was excited about our wedding 3 years ago when we first got engaged. And I get that now, 3 years later the wedding doesn’t seem that important, since we’re technically already married, but it’s so important to Jenn and I. We have put so much TIME, ENERGY, LOVE and MONEY into this big day. At the end of the day, we’re already married. But we’re basically doing this so all of our friends & family can come together and have a night filled with love & celebration. We’re doing it for our friends. For our family. And all we want is for more support. The kind of support that texts you to make sure you’re ok, the kind of support that reaches out and sees if you need help with anything, the kind of support that is excited and pumped up every time you talk about your wedding.
What I’ve found is that I’m the supportive, friend/family member. I’m the one that checks in, that ensures everyone is involved, that always asks to hang out, that always seems to be inviting everyone. It’s always me. And it’s honestly EXHAUSTING. I’m tired. I want to know what it’s liked to be the one to be invited, to be checked up on, to be helped, and to have the support. Frankly, I’m really depressed about it.
This is the time in our lives where we really need this type of support. Sure, one could argue we needed it throughout last year, and the year prior, hell throughout ALL of our wedding planning - but right now, as we approach 40 days left, We REALLY need it.
When we first started this journey we didn’t give anyone any roles or responsibilities. And that’s one of the things I think I regret the most. Right now it’s all on us and it’s a LOT of stuff. So we just need friends and family to check in. To see how we’re doing. To ask if they can help. To comfort us when shit hits the fan. That’s all.
It’s honestly very depressing because it feels like nobody cares and you’re out on this journey, creating a magical day for your friends and family and nobody really cares.
So if you care - text us. Let us know. We need to hear it. Even if you said it in the past, we need it the most now. We’re entering a stage in our lives where the next chapter is all about FAMILY and we need to surround ourselves with people who support us as much as we support them.
