This is another AU story that I have been working on for the last month or two, it's about my main OC Sabrina McMahon, semi-retired professional wrestler and now football coach and personality on the Pat McAfee Show. She has a playful and somewhat flirtatious banter with regular weekly guest, NFL superstar Aaron Rodgers. They get along just fine on the show, but in person it could take another turn entirely.
Chapter 1
Today, it was an unusually full studio at the Pat McAfee Show. And well, it still felt surreal to Rina as she walked in to get settled for the day's show. A couch on the right-hand side of the desk was Pat's, where Rina's station was usually set up. Today, she will be joined by both Aaron Rodgers and AJ Hawk, who typically participate via video. Setting her bag down on the floor and out of frame, the former Green Bay Packers teammates and friends entered the studio space. Before she could claim an end seat, both Aaron and AJ sat down on either end of the couch. Rina must've made an audible noise of annoyance because Aaron commented:
"Ooh, now Rina has to sit next to me; sorry bout that."
"Why are you sorry?" AJ asked since both he and Rina needed clarification about that.
"She hates me," the longtime quarterback said with a wide grin.
"I do not," Rina disagreed emphatically, dropping her purse to the ground. Rina straightened up, hands on her hips, clearly taken aback by Aaron's bold statement. She gave him a mock glare as she walked over to the couch. "Hate is a strong word," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I would just... prefer not to sit next to you."
Aaron's grin only widened, clearly enjoying the playful tension. "Uh-huh. Right. So, you're just choosing to sit next to me because?"
Rina shot him a look as she plopped down next to him. "Because I have no other choice."
AJ leaned back, shaking his head with a laugh. "The tension's palpable. I'm starting to feel like I'm in the middle of something here."
Rina rolled her eyes but couldn't suppress a smile. "You guys are ridiculous." She shifted slightly on the couch, ensuring an exaggerated gap between her and Aaron. "I'll have you know; I don't hate you. I just don't like you very much."
Aaron leaned in, pretending to take offense, but his smirk never left. "Ouch. Don't like me very much? That stings, Rina." He dramatically touched his heart as if her words had truly wounded him.
AJ, always eager to fan the flames, chimed in. "Yeah, man, that's cold. You're going to take that?" He turned to Rina, giving her an exaggerated look of concern. "You breakin' his heart like that?"
Rina, clearly enjoying the banter, shot AJ a pointed look. "I'm just being honest. There's no love lost here."
Aaron raised an eyebrow, leaning closer to her. "No love, huh?" He glanced at AJ, then back at Rina. "I think you're just playing hard to get."
Rina shook her head with a laugh. "Yeah, that's it. You've figured me out."
Aaron chuckled, leaning back as if pleased with his cleverness. "I knew it! Rina, you're waiting for me to make the first move."
AJ jumped in, clearly loving this angle. "Oh, this is juicy! Should we start taking bets on how long it takes for Rina to crack?"
Rina crossed her arms, trying to look unfazed. "You both are ridiculous. I'm not cracking; I'm just here to do my job."
AJ was practically cackling now. "Man, this is like watching a rom-com," he said, mocking the overdramatic dialogue with a high-pitched voice. "Will Rina finally realize that deep down, she's in love with Aaron? Stay tuned, folks."
Rina groaned, but she was fighting a grin. "Please. This whole conversation is ridiculous. I do not hate you, Aaron."
"Sure, you don't," Aaron teased, leaning back with a mock-serious expression. "I can sense the disdain radiating off you already." Rina rolled her eyes but couldn't suppress a smile.
"It's not disdain; it's just that I have to deal with your antics in person now." AJ laughed, shaking his head.
"You have no idea what you're in for. Aaron is way worse live than on screen."
"Hey!" Aaron feigned offense, touching his chest. "I'm a joy to be around."
"Joy, huh? Is that what you call it?" Rina shot back, settling into her seat beside him. "I'll need an extra coffee just to keep up."
"Good idea," AJ chimed in. "You might need a whole pot to survive today."
"See? I'm not the only one who thinks you're a handful," Rina said, smirking at Aaron.
Annoyed or not, it kept bothering Rina that Aaron thought that she hated him. Indeed, there were people she didn't like and a few that bordered on hatred, but Aaron wasn't in that group. They disagreed on many topics and, therefore, argued/debated passionately. As she listened to the top news coverage, she watched Boston Connor holding up his whiteboard to show Pat a specific point. This gave her an idea, so she pulled her iPhone from the pocket of her jeans and opened up a new text message.
From: Rina
To: Aaron
Msg: What can I do to show you I don't hate you?
Like back in college, Rina attempted to act like she wasn't texting someone sitting beside her. But she couldn't help herself and peeked over at Aaron as he retrieved his phone to read her message. A grin appeared on his face as he typed out his reply. Soon enough, the phone in Rina's hand vibrated, letting her know the message had been delivered.
Rina held her breath, curious about Aaron's response. He looked over at her, still grinning, and typed back quickly.
From: Aaron
To: Rina
Msg: How about you admit I'm the most charming guy in the room?
She couldn't help but laugh at his over-the-top reply. Rina typed back just as quickly, a smirk on her face.
From: Rina
To: Aaron
Msg: Not happening. I might concede that you have a certain… charisma, but charming? Please.
Aaron pretended to be offended, dramatically clutching his heart. "Ouch! That hurts, Rina," he said loud enough for the cameras to catch.
AJ, catching onto their exchange, chimed in, "I think Rina's just scared to admit she likes you, Aaron."
Rina shot AJ a playful glare. "I'm not scared; I just have standards."
Aaron leaned in closer, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "You know, I can work on that. Just give me some time."
Rina rolled her eyes, but a smile betrayed her amusement. She typed again.
From: Rina
To: Aaron
Msg: How about you focus on being less annoying today?
He laughed, shaking his head.
From: Aaron
To: Rina
Msg: No promises. But I'll try to keep the charm levels up.
Rina couldn't help but smile, realizing the playful tension between them wasn't as one-sided as she thought. She felt more at ease as the show progressed, ready to keep up with whatever antics he had planned.
From: Rina
To: Aaron
Msg: Last chance for requests to show you that I don't hate you.
Rina sent one last message before she would let it be when she got another response from Aaron.
“When I started working in theatre in England, I would meet people, and they would say ‘Oh, I voted for Margaret Thatcher.’ The first time I heard someone saying that, I honestly thought they were joking. I’d be thinking, I have never met anyone from your world. What’s it like? Do you roast children over open fires?”
Hockey trade season is hell on my poor heart. First Lord Jasper sent to Detroit and now LONGBEACHNATIVE Matt Nieto and Merks sent to Colorado to join Cogs. I has the sads.
7.4.22 Update: I had to repost Timo.. so I lost all my notes.. and if you liked it to come back to it, very sorry but you need to like it again. AH!
Word count: 4.9k
A/N: Timo Time! I’m into Swiss dudes I guess? Idk. So here is a brief break from Kevin Fiala for Thotty boy T.
Warnings: SMUT (18+). Swearing. Sadness. Drinking. And.. probably other things that I cannot think of right now.
The neon light of the Coors sign on the wall beside our table is so bright it makes my temples throb. Or maybe it’s Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts” being blared through the speakers of the bar for Ladies’ Night. My eyes briefly pull away from the San Jose Sharks game to my group of girlfriends. I feel guilty about my lack of contribution to the conversation. But the truth is, I would rather be anywhere else tonight. Instead, I’m going through the motions, convinced if I try hard enough, I’ll be over him soon. Him. The love of my life. The beginning and the end of it all. The hardest damn goodbye I’ve ever experienced. That’s what he is to me but to the rest of San Jose, he’s Timo Time.
Timo and I met randomly because we both frequented the same taco place for lunch. We both sat at the bar one sunny, Friday, two Septembers ago. I knew of him, but admittedly did not follow hockey much. During Happy Hour, we were at opposite ends of the bar, but as the night got busier, he wandered down to the stool next to me. That’s where we spent the next 6 hours together, until we shut the place down. We bonded over our love of food- cooking, eating out, and collecting a million different gadgets for the kitchen. We dreamed up our perfect kitchens while tasting different, expensive tequilas. We munched on authentic tacos and guacamole all the while falling for each other. When he asked to see me again, I couldn’t give him my number fast enough.
On our first date, we found ourselves at another taco place- a newer, trendy one that people couldn’t stop talking about on the west side of the city. The restaurant had a beautiful patio on the water where we watched the sunset while stuffing ourselves full of guac, tacos, and of course, tequila. By the end of the date, I had a buzz for Timo stronger than any tequila could give.
We left the restaurant for something quieter and found ourselves on the beach, walking hand in hand. We told each other all about our lives- our siblings, our parents, our hometowns, and of course for him, all about hockey. Listening to the stories of his life, leaving Switzerland so young for Canada, living with a billet family, all for this incredible, exotic dream of playing in the NHL. It was so impressive.
Eventually, we stopped walking and dipped our feet into the warm water. The waves crashed up to our ankles while we talked about how I grew up in Southern California, but moved North for a marketing job three years ago. I’ve never thought about going back. The distance and the culture suits me better here.
“California seems to be its own country. You can have different experiences depending on where you are in the state.” Timo murmurs to me as we look out at the moonlight glittering on the water’s surface.
“It definitely is. So unique too. We have so many different cultures and ethnicities here. It makes California a slice of heaven for any foodie.” He laughs, his white teeth stark against the dark night. I take a moment to study him as he turns back to the water. My heart squeezes in my chest and I know I’m falling for him. Fast.
“I’m about to start my season.” He breaks our comfortable silence a few minutes later. “And my schedule will get crazy.” Well, shit. I try not to show my dejection visibly and brace for the thanks but no thanks. “I know it will be a lot to ask. I’ll be gone a lot, but when I’m here… I’d like to see you.” He looks over at me, blue eyes hopeful and awaiting my response.
“I’d like that.” I whisper to him, lips pulling into an easy smile.
“Good because I know a tapas place you’ll love.”
“A hockey player that loves tapas. Incredible.” I tease him, laughter glinting in my eyes as they look at his.
His blue eyes hover on my lips. With courage, I inch forward a smidge. I want him to go the rest of the way. My green eyes devour his features as he comes close. I suck in an anticipatory breath, but when our lips touch, I lose it all. Fire ignites inside my chest and rushes out through my limbs until all of me is hot. My arms go around his neck and I hold myself close to him. His large hands stay on my hips but squeeze tighter in hunger. I’ve never felt anything like this. I want to dive down deeper into this feeling until I lose touch of everything but him.
“Wow.” He whispers against my lips as he pulls an inch back. He felt it too. Then his lips press into mine again and talking becomes irrelevant.
“Taylor!” My best friend, Natalie, groans at me. I give her a confused look, stepping out of the memory of us. “Are you even here?”
“No.” I answer honestly, stirring my Paloma. The taste of tequila reminds me of him. I shouldn’t have ordered this. I shove the glass away and push out a heavy sigh. My eyes meet Natalie’s and a wave of sympathy passes over her.
“I can tell the bartender to turn it off?” She motions to the game. I shake my head. He could turn off every TV in this bar but it wouldn’t stop my mind from being on Timo.
My eyes go back to the game. The Sharks are playing the Kings and Timo is currently on the ice. The last minute in the first period is winding down. Timo gets the puck at the bottom of the right circle. He shoots, but the goalies saves it. He crashes the net hard, going to the back door just in time to get an easy tap in goal. I jump in excitement on my stool, clapping my hands for him instinctively. I watch hungrily as the camera pans to him, drinking up the sight of his handsome face. His teammates are engulfing him and this seems like a bigger celebration than warranted considering the Sharks are already up by 3-0 in the first. The sound is off on the TV, so I can’t gather much information.
After the hugs of celebration, the camera pans out. I watch as hats litter the ice. Holy shit. Did he just get a first period, hat trick? My mouth drops slightly open and I watch in awe as the camera finds him at the end of the bench after the hand shake line. His excitement is palpable through the screen. Despite my sadness, a smile pulls across my lips. He deserves this. I hope the fans are cheering loudly for him.
The next period starts after a twenty minute break and a switch from Lizzo to Lady Gaga in the bar speakers. The Sharks are on an immediate power play and Timo skates out for the face off. I watch as they set up around the perimeter. The defensemen looks across ice, seeing Timo wide open on the opposite circle. His pass is right on. Timo skates further in, then buries the puck in the top right corner, just beyond the goalie’s glove. Again, my mouth drops open in shock. Four goals in just under 22 minutes. This is unreal!
The rest of the period plays out, but it’s clear the Kings just don’t have any momentum tonight. Timo has it all. He’s still skating fast, forechecking hard, and crunching bodies into the boards each moment he can. He’s mesmerizing and I’ve forgotten that I’m supposed to be here with my group of friends. I glance at them immersed in their own conversations without me. It seems they have forgotten about me too. In their defense, I’ve disappeared since Timo and I ended.
The 2nd period is just wrapping up. Timo charges down the sideboards, rushing into the King’s zone for one last attempt to score. Drew Doughty dives, thinking his stick can knock the puck from Timo. But Timo’s destiny was already decided. Timo toe drags around him and launches the puck into the net for his 5th goal in 2 periods.
“Ah!!!” I scream and jump to my feet, clapping enthusiastically. No one else in the bar is watching this game. My group of friends looks at me questioningly. “Timo just scored his 5th goal of the night.”
“Holy shit!” Natalie yells, looking at the TV and clapping. “Wait, should we be clapping?” She asks me quickly.
“Yes! This is incredible.” I clasp my hands together and settle them against my lips as I watch his celebration on the bench.
Have a night, Timo. Have a damn night.
Like a shadow, the sadness begins to seep back into me. It penetrates my skin and hurries rapidly through my veins until my chest aches again. This is the kind of ache that will stay with me tonight then into my dreams. I purse my lips, watching him on the bench. His smile slowly fades away and his blue eyes become fierce again as he looks out at the next face off. His only focus is on winning this game. From the outside world, you can’t even tell that he lost something. How could that be? I’ll readily admit that leaving each other was a mutual decision, but from where I’m sitting, he looks fine. Unflappable, detached even, while I’m trying to drown myself in the tequila he introduced me to. Maybe to him, it wasn’t a loss after all.
Good for you, T. I think to myself, then look down and wipe my thumb at the condensation on my glass. The cool liquid transports me again unwillingly.
“Cold!” I scream as Timo rushes us into the water. “Oh my god!!!” I shriek louder, gasping as the cool waves of the Pacific Ocean lap at my calves.
“This isn’t cold!” He insists back to me, laughing. “You Californians are so soft.” He scoffs at me. A teasing glint taints his blue orbs. “What if I dropped you?” My eyes widen with legitimate fear, but then his gaze soften and he secures me tighter to him. “I’ll never let go.” He assures me. “Titanic, ya?” He grins.
“That’s less comforting considering Jack froze to death in the ocean.” I throw my right hand out to the side, gesturing to the body of water we are in.
“I love you too much to let anything happen to you.” The words roll off his tongue so easily, like this isn’t the first time he’s said or thought of them. Except he’s never said them to me. His smile quickly fades to be replaced by an expression of panic. My green eyes turn serious while my lips form the words I’ve thought for weeks.
“I love you too.” I murmur to him, watching his blue eyes sparkle back at me. An obvious sigh of relief drops his shoulders. He tilts his chin up, begging for my lips. I bring them close but pause before placing them on his. “How long have you been wanting to say that?”
“Since day one.” He beams at me. I tilt my head back and laugh.
“Got you right where I want you.”
“Me too.” He murmurs, tightening his arms on my legs.
My voice sounds foreign. Like it’s going through a wind tunnel or a warp in time that makes it sound not like me.
“What?” Natalie asks me. I guess it sounds weird to her too.
“I gotta go.” I repeat, or at least I think that’s what I said before.
“Do you need a ride home? Claire hasn’t been drinking because she’s on Paleo.”
“No.” I immediately shake my head. Claire is great, but I can call a Lyft. I’ve ruined enough of the night without pulling someone away.
I pull up the Lyft app on my phone and order one. Cindy will be here in two minutes. I say my rushed goodbyes, pretending I’m just tired, trying to act like I’m not running out of the bar over my ex-boyfriend. I know none of them buy it because their pity drowns me in every tight squeeze. When the outside air hits my skin, I have to hold back tears. I want to break down. Crawl into a hole. Never resurface into the world. Trying to get over Timo feels like a deep, unrelenting agony. Each wave laps at my battered skin then pulls me under until I’m drowning in his memory. I’ve done everything I was supposed to do. I followed the textbook plan that had assurances this would get easier one day. I sent back his stuff, unfollowed him on social media, got drunk at ladies’s night. Yet, the pain is the same aching, agony as it was the night we lost each other.
“Fuck, Taylor!” Timo snaps at me, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “I can’t do anything right for you!” He tosses his phone on the counter and it skids another foot, dangerously close to the edge.
“I asked you to delete snapchat and it’s still on your phone.”
“If you’re going to dig through my personal shit, don’t get mad about what you find.” He’s not wrong, but he also made a promise to me that he didn’t keep.
“Why is it still on your phone?”
“Because it is! I have friends from home on there and that’s how we communicate.”
“So you’re not getting boob pictures sent to you by fans anymore?” I narrow my eyes accusingly at him.
The fan Snaps are why I asked him to take it off his phone. The easy access to him by numerous girls wanting to be with him made me insecure. Plus, Snapchat was how he used to hook up with various girls before me. He admitted to that. So, it felt contradictory that he could be in love with me and still give those girls permission to connect with him.
“Oh my god.” He mutters, shaking his head and walking out of the kitchen.
“So you are!” I shout at him in frustration, hands pushing the falling pieces of hair from my pony tail away from my face. I feel just as out of control as my hair.
“I don’t open them.” He insists, waving me away as he drops onto the couch in a hump of irritation.
“Maybe you keep Snapchat because you’re trying to keep your options open.” The words blurt from my mouth before I can stop them. His blue eyes slide to mine with a narrow fierceness. He doesn’t respond but an ashamed truth begins to darken his features. My heart sinks in my chest until it’s being eaten away by the acid churning in my stomach. “Oh.” The word falls from my lips so simply, like it didn’t take everything we built with it to the ground.
“I love you.” He says to me. “But things have been hard lately…”
His words end as if he isn’t quite sure what to say next. Or maybe he knows and he can’t say it. At this point, I’ve left my body and I’m watching us like a movie. I slowly sit on the arm of the chair beside the couch. He won’t look at me. I think about what he is saying even as the realization bursts my heart into a million, jagged pieces.
“Maybe it’s not supposed to be this hard.” I finish for him. He doesn’t react at all. The silence wraps around us like a vice. I know exactly how this night is ending. “Is there someone else?” I ask him, terrified but needing to know.
“No.” He answers immediately.
I nod slowly, watching without being able to do anything about us falling apart in his living room. I think about the last few months and know he is right. It’s been hard. The honeymoon stage is over. The reality of his world has sunk in and it’s been a tough adjustment. I don’t feel like me some days. The jealously and insecurity have made my love for him feel like a burden. I’m not sure if this will work forever like I had hoped. These thoughts don’t make it any easier to speak this into existence.
“Maybe we should take some time.” I say the words, but he shakes his head in agreement. Our eyes connect. I take one more minute of looking at him before everything changes. Before our year plus relationship ends in smoldering embers of what was. Then, I rise to grab my things, turning my back to him as the tears begin to dash down my cheeks. My entire world has shifted and I know instantly that my heart will never be the same. There will only be before this and after this.
Minutes later, when his door closes behind me, after I’ve grabbed everything I can fit in my arms, I lean back against the door to gather the pieces of me together. The sound of a despairing “fuck” meets my ears from the other side of the door.
The memory of his voice that night will haunt me forever.
7 weeks have passed and I still hear the despair in his voice every night. He hasn’t called. Neither have I. “Needing time” is slowly pushing towards finding closure. It’s better this way. That’s what we both probably say to ourselves. Pretending that we can keep living without each other because it’s easier than sewing us back together. Every night, the loneliness has me questioning, yearning for him in the darkness of my cold bed. Meanwhile, his career has exploded. He’s thriving, working for his dreams and having them come true without me. And I get to be stuck here, reliving us every night like a horror movie I can’t escape.
I slide into my bed after walking into my empty house. I shut the lamp off next to my bedside table. I have my phone secured in my hands. He probably doesn’t want to hear from me. If he did, why hasn’t he reached out? Yet it feels wrong to not acknowledge the historic night he had. I pull in a breath, trying to decide what to do. I go into the Photos app on my phone, clicking through the album of our pictures. I moved them from my camera roll to a separate album. I couldn’t delete them. Even if I did, they wouldn’t be gone. They’re part of me. But my heart couldn’t take seeing them every day either.
A small smile tugs my lips up at the picture of us at the beach, moments after he told me he loved me. Then, there is the picture from Tomas Hertl’s wedding last off season. Our cheeks are pressed together; our buzz obvious in the frame. I flip to the next one. Now, his lips are on my cheek while my eyes squint in delightful laughter. That was such a good night; it hurts to look at now that we aren’t us. I chomp on my lip, moving to Messages, pulling up a new one with his number. My fingers type out the text to him and press send before I can change my mind.
I’m so proud of you, T. I hope you’re doing okay.
I keep the message open, hopeful that I’ll see the bubble. It pops up quickly, then disappears. This happens a few more times. Ten minutes pass, then twenty, then thirty. The bubble does not appear again. I blink back the familiar stinging of tears and lock my phone. I set it on my nightstand. Nope, that’s not going to work. I pick it up again, flicking up the menu and setting it on Do Not Disturb. If I don’t, I’ll spend all night listening for the buzz-buzz I’m desperately hoping for. I’m not wasting another night of sleep over someone who couldn’t care less.
I should know better by now that I can’t escape Timo’s memory in my dreams either.
It’s been an impossibly long road trip. 14 days is way too damn long for him to be gone. My chest aches for him as I turn over to will sleep to come to me. It’s difficult knowing Timo will be landing soon. Except we already talked and he’s going to his place, not coming here. I’ll see him tomorrow morning. The bright light of the sunrise can’t come soon enough.
But it’s still dark out when I feel his hands on me later. I sigh and lean into him as he spoons me. I can feel how hard he is against my butt. He wiggles his hips into me, willing me to awaken fully so he can touch me the way he wants.
“It’s not morning.” I mumble to him, turning in his arms so we are facing one another. His chest is bare. His lips immediately attach to me. I wrap my arms lazily around his neck. His hands move up my sides, bringing my t-shirt with them to expose my bare skin.
“Had to have you tonight.” He confesses to me between kisses. “Had to touch you here.” His fingers push into the waistband of my pants and slide against my slick flesh. “The whole flight home, all I could think about was burying my dick deep, right here, until you’re speechless.”
“Please.” I command him, hand snaking down between us to stroke his erection. The tempo of his fingers on my clit increases. It doesn’t take long until I’m arching my back for more. This is what he wanted. He moves me to my back and tugs my pants down my legs. I spread my knees for him and he settles between them. His muscular body is on full display for me. My heartbeat quickens as his thumbs reach out, brushing my nipples before he plunges deep into me.
Timo’s head tilts back in pure ecstasy at the feeling of my wetness. He stays like that for one, two, three more seconds as I adjust then he pulls out to slam right back in.
“Mmm… Not going to last long, baby.” He tells me as he begins to move. “You feel too damn good.” He groans the words out to me. I would respond to him except I’m already speechless. My deprived muscles pulse around him, tightening and willing him to bring me to the place I’ve been needing to be since the last time I had him.
His eyes find mine in the dim moonlight streaming into the bedroom. He can see the desire in them and hear it in my voice as I encourage him to give me more. My hands go to my breasts and I tug my nipples into tight buds. My knees spread wider so I can rock my hips hard into his thrusts.
“Fuck, baby, keep touching yourself like that.” He growls at me. His pumps increase as he watches my show. He bites down on his bottom lip in concentration, blue eyes a raging storm of desire. His panting begin to increase with mine. He pulls my right hand off my breast, moving it down to touch my clit. I rub tight, fast circles as his thrusts get deeper and more explosive.
“Babe.” I moan out to him.
“Come, baby. Come all over me.”
His words are the shove. I come flying over the cliff. Pure, primal noises drip from my mouth as he fucks me through it. Then, his lips are on mine and he’s moaning into my mouth. The kiss is all teeth and tongue while his white hot orgasm fills me. His chest rises and falls rapidly as I wrap my hand around the back to his neck, holding his forehead to my collar bone.
“That was better than I even imagined it.”
“Yeah? Did you stroke a few out while you were gone.” I tease him, loving the idea.
“Ah.. a few doesn’t even begin to cover the number.”
“Timo, you’re obsessed with me.”
“This part of you for sure.” He jokes as he slowly pulls out of me. He looks down at his dick and wiggles his eyebrows at me. He’s coated in thick, white cum. “This isn’t all me.”
“I missed you too.” I shrug, a smug grin tilting my lips. He tilts his head back to laugh, a sexy grin staying on his lips.
“I could do this forever, you know.” He murmurs, fingers gripping my calf. His eyes don’t look at me, but I know what I say next matters to him.
“Me too. Where do I sign up?” His dazzling, white teeth sparkle while I let myself imagine what that would look like. A wedding, summers in Switzerland, forever homes, perfect Swiss- American babies. The images followed me into my dreams that night, but that’s where they would stay.
Two months later, forever was off the table.
_ _ _
I’m speechless the next morning when I see his response.
I’m not okay without you.
It came in after 2:00am and I wonder if he had been drunk when he sent it. I try to think of what I could possibly say to that. Fear and self-preservation prevail, so I say nothing. I try to forget it and go about my day. I take a shower, brush my teeth, do the dishes, and make a list of groceries I need for the week.
I’m not okay without you.
The words echo again as I’m grabbing my keys to head to Whole Foods. A knock at my door stops my progress to the garage. Could it be? Cautiously, I turn and head across the house to the front door.
My entire body stills instantly when I see him outside the door. My hands shake as I reach for the door knob. I open the door slowly. He pulls off his mirrored aviators off so I can see his striking, blue eyes. I know he can see the tears in mine, but I can’t stop them from existing. Not now, in this pivotal moment, where he’s back in front of me. Not after his confession last night.
“We made a mistake.” The words drop from his lips as his eyebrows pull together in anguish. “A huge fucking mistake.” He finishes with a whisper. I swallow and nod my head in earnest agreement.
“We can fix it.” I cry to him, reaching my arms for him. His body engulfs mine and his strength keeps us from crumbling together to the porch.
“I’m so sorry, baby.”
“Me too.” I sob to him, digging my fingers into his muscular shoulders.
“I love you.”
“I love you more.” I insist, pulling away and locking our lips together.
His lips move hungrily over mine and he begins to walk me backwards. Except, I’m not going fast enough for him, so his large hands pull me into his arms. I wrap my legs around him tightly as he walks us further into the house. He slams the door behind us and brings me to the couch, gently laying me down. He pulls his face from mine and buries it into my neck. I can feel him inhale deeply. My hand comes to the back of his head to hold him there.
“I tried to get over you. It didn’t work.” I confess to him.
“Good.” He mumbles to me. “The second you left, I knew it was wrong. It’s not supposed to feel this shitty to live without someone.”
“It does when you have something this good.” I whisper to him, fingers scratching gently at his scalp. “You were incredible last night.” He shakes his head and pulls away to look at me.
“In the moment, I was so happy. When I was driving home last night, to my empty place, knowing you wouldn’t be there… I didn’t care anymore. About any of it- the win, the goals, the history. It meant nothing to me without having you to share it with. I don’t want this for the rest of my life. I want forever with you like we planned. I hope you still want this too.” He fingers lace with mine and I nod my head at him. His lips press against mine in a sweet, steady kiss. “Good. Cause I’m still planning on a white picket fence that keeps our babies and dogs in the yard.”
“It’s a little unbelievable that Mr. Thot Boy wants a white picket fence for his babies.” I tease him, bringing up the nickname he earned before me for being so thirsty.
“Never wanted it until now.” He murmurs to me. “Thot boy fell in love. The forever kind. Tell your friends.”
“How about we go fuck and you can show me instead?” I whisper to him, wrapping myself around his body. He stands with me in his arms and walks us back to my bedroom.
When we are naked and he’s about to connect us together, I stop him.
“If there was someone else, you need to wrap that up.” I say to him. I know it might kill the mood, but I’m not willing to risk it just because I’m high on love and lust right now.
“There was no one else.” He whispers against my lips. “Just you running through my mind.”
“Same.” I breathe out to him.
“It’s going to be this way forever.” He insists.
The look in his eyes is another memory I’ll never forget.
