Rainbow Goth's cave. (Will change name later ...)

Non-binary ("they/he"), chaotic, ADHD, trying to being creative and survive but easily distracted... Oh, look, butterfly!!

[ryounyan]

"Project Hail Mary"... Am I an only one that see Dr. Grace as The Little Prince?? Not only because he is blond and fox is around him, and he is in space... and going to unknown planet, while trying to save the own baobab... But because questions. The Little Prince was questioning everything, everyone, even The Little Prince. The character in their own Nature are powerful, but still questioning the reality around them...

[ryounyan]

After 15 years of fights against system and "You are just too sensitive" or "We all are little bit forgetful" told by professionals and 8 hours of tests and three weeks of waiting results, I finally have my diagnosis - I had combined type of ADHD. I feels not different... But I finally can stop saying "undiagnosed" before ADHD. I finally knew which instance I need to go after and that I could be better if I was diagnosed when I was 5... Yeah, but I am nearly 40 years old. What bother me, that any employer would pay attention to my diagnosis and giving me accomodation, because "You are already adult and must learn how co-op with your ADHD"... F🫅🏼 problem is that I am who I am now. I still can't co-op. I am struggling. I am not lazy. Staff said that I am highly intelligent, but I was going without accommodations and that made me strange with self-esteem... Interesting, right?? I must learn to coop, but lack of accommodations give me traumas and made me who I am now... I am total contradiction.

Just want crawling down and crying. Because I lost my life. I was to weak to use my potential and I killed my talents... I tried to figure it out, but was told I need to stay calm and stopping imagining the things... And now I just lost any motivation. But my Brain is actually unmotivated, because of combined type of ADHD...

[ryounyan]

The really worst part of "Good Omens 3" isn't ending or everything together. The worst part of "Good Omens 3" is that it ended like this and there is nothing after. No more 4, 5, 6... "Good Omens 3" was rushed. It took 2 years and near 10 months... It ended like that... And it's nothing after. Not about fandom works, because fans would definitely work it out. It was official visual ending. Literally everyone who would search for "Good Omens" would receive that ending. Everyone who read or not the original books...

Not a big loose... Everything would be okay... Personally, I need to start treating it as another piece of TV show, nothing changed. Was it good?? As any other shows. Maybe. Not sure. Does it feels as like an abandoned TV show?? Nngh.

[ryounyan]

I had out of rock thought. Let's me summon two fandoms here. Once upon a time was JW, that produced "Buffy the vampire slayer" the TV show. 8 seasons. Huge deal. But let's talk about last season. I was the team Spike/Buffy. Spike wasn't that bad. Seams stupid, but he was definitely neurodivergent. In last season James Marsters interpreted amazing vampire that totally lost connection to the reality. The scene where Buffy noticed that his chest is scratched and he talking about how it's impossible to take out of it the Heart in pain, that not even beating. In last episode Spike have done what I literally waited for - the self-sacrifice. During which Buffy and him were talking.

B.: I love you.

S.: It's a lie. But thank you for telling me that.

After Sunnydale annihilated was question "Where do we go from here??". And Buffy was smiling, telling something like "Ahead"...

Mate, he was her lover. He was around her since season 4 and confessed in season 5. He was the only one that attached her friends, because they resurrected her and Buffy wanted being in Peace. He understand her. He literally run from other end of the state for helping her... Spike deserve better ending. Buffy never loved him and never missed him...

Let's summon second fandom. Because ending of "Good Omens 3" now is classified on same level of that ending. Well, I was adolescent during "Buffy the vampire slayer". But now I am adult... And I am feeling as adolescent wish broken heart. Not that anyone own me something.

Three years of waiting for that hand in hand moment. Three years of waiting for that indirect kiss. Three years of waiting for Crowley not receiving deserved explanation, clarification and apologies. Three years of waiting to the scene of them looking into the eyes and saying "I love you". They both are neurodivergent/autistic/ADHD/AuDHD as Hell and Heaven could be. It's so rare to see not stereotyped characters as them finally realised who they are, accepted themselves, confused feelings and having their nice and respectful ending. They are no children or adolescent. They are adults. Adults that finally realised the situation and trying to make it working without messing up... But no. It already messed up. No hope... Yes, it's personal, but as an adult neurodivergent queer non-binary person I needed them being together. In real Life it's nearly impossible. Not because they are superior being. Because it's hard communicating and being understood. That's why majority is so lonely. Even having beloved person right there... but cannot reach them.

I still can't gone over Joshua/Jesus situation. He is heartbroken. Again. I was hoping for Adam and Joshua meeting. That could be funny and tearful situation. But Joshua merely being the Messiah, when Adam had full arch of development.

Somewhat "Good Omens 3" feeling as summary of 6 episodes, without telling actual ending.

[ryounyan]

That was how I tried to survive. I wanted to finish them as acrylic paintings and made a collage with Crowley tearing the Heart in Aziraphale's cup and with Aziraphale tearing "book words" in Crowley's wine glass. That stain is my tear... Never finished. Too heavy.

Crowley doesn't have the Heart. Where must be Heart are only Aziraphale's feathers. Crowley was planed with Big Bang behind the head, in respect of their Love to creating new planets and galaxies.

[ryounyan]

I had psychological breakdown when real nature of NG was exposed. It took me year to getting calmed, because it felt as betrayal as being stabbed by invisible friend and again falling in emptiness.

After that "Good Omens 3" was announced and being only one movie about one hour and half long. Another wound. Because it's impossible to cover or heal all THAT. After ending of "Good Omens 2" for two weeks I had nightmares. I was so much mirrored myself in Crowley, that I literally had flashbacks from my Past. I cried. I had done two portraits of Crowley and Aziraphale that I never finished because it was painful.

And now "Good Omens 3"... What just happened?? Why Joshua is so clueless?? Why Heaven haven't prepared nothing properly in all that time, since Earth was going in deep depression?? How?? Why?? In the movie people already disappeared. Universe gone!! Asking about new Universe?? Let's make it clear, it's not even Universe version 1.2026.02. It's completely new Universe 2.0 version 1.0. Are we running it for Mac, Android or iOS?? Asking just in case, because I need to own right device to survive in here. Who was asking NEW Universe?? All fandom was asking about cottage and small garden in not so near Alpha Centauri.

[ryounyan]

Here is the question for "Good Omens" fans and producers in which universe God would commited suicide only because some "Angel" and "Demon" asked about universe without Angels and Demons?? Let's me remind everyone about how in the Bible the God is treating Angels, Archangels and other ranks as his slaves and cruel army. What about Love to humanity?? Haaaaaa!!!! Literally the Old and New Testament are about how God tortured humanity. He never loved them. As like a kind of experiment and punishment if results are not satisfying.

Was God in "Good Omens" the Omniscient, Glorious and full of Love to humanity?? No. God literally disappeared. Everything was done by Metatrone. Who was really in Love with Humans?? Crowley. Not Aziraphale. Because in principle divine slaves cannot feel other than speechless adoration for God. Neither Gabriel nor Michael loved humans. They just doing their jobs.

Let's return to God in "Good Omens". One that disappeared for thousands of years and returned only for annihilation of Universe and Themselves?? Really?? Just hypothetically, do you want to return to someone that you leave in the Past and forget about?? Do you want re-read annoying book or too obvious movie?? Would you wear clothes that are too small or irritating for you?? Answer, very probably, is "No". So why God returned to already disappeared Universe, when it's much easier to create one new?? Oh, yeah, because God has The Huge Ego and wanted to be Diva. Because God was sure no one would ask about being annihilated. All that scene has no sense. God already has a new Universe with a better version of slaves and pets.

Do you even believe that Satan would be calm and sweet about being annihilated?? The answer is that Satan is already buddy with God and ruling Damnation Kingdom in other Universe.

For the sack of plot, theology and beloved astrophysics, just make the apology dance and said that there is the second part of "Good Omens 3".

[ryounyan]

I found the loophole in "Good Omens 3" ending. Aziraphale asking the World without Demons and Angels for the best of humanity. Do you know who isn't neither Demon nor Angel?? God, Satan, Aziraphale and Crowley. God obviously is superior divine force that not classified as Angel, because Angels and other ranks coming from God. Adversary, alias Satan, technically was an Angel... in other version they was once divine Satanel that was destined to rule over fallen rebellions or de-ranked servers of God, including Angels. That's where Satanel losing divinity and becoming Satan. So, already the "new" World definitely has superior divine forces.

Aziraphale wasn't Angel at all. Aziraphale at least is Powers. And it's middle class rank. We wrongly considered every rank as Angels. But only lower ranks are Angels, Archangels and Principalities. Yes, few times Aziraphale was classified as Principalities. But at the end of "Good Omens 2" Metatrone takes Aziraphale as second under, while Metatrone is like personal minister or shadow of God. Unique one. So, Aziraphale is out of being classified as an Angel. About Crowley... in "Good Omens 3" Crowley is referred as "formally demon", but in during the scene where Crowley want to kick out intruder from Bentley is clearly declined the miracle access. It's like low mana thing. Do you know what that means?? Crowley renounced the position of Duke of Hell. In "Good Omens 3" exists scene where demon kidnapped Crowley and returned again because no more Duke powers and knowledge about the current situation. Also, Crowley was de-ranked as Principalities, but still has access to Heaven. Crowley is already out of system. Antony J. Crowley already inside loophole.

That's for the fan of "Good Omens" that clearly unsatisfied with ending. You are welcome. Take care and stay safe.

[ryounyan]

It's end of the era for Crowley and Aziraphale fans. The ending shows not them, but their humans' alternatives. It's like the statement that Antony J. Crowley the "formal Demon" and Aziraphale the "lovely Angel" couldn't be together ever. Yes, their human versions still into books and astrophysics, but they are not the same. Not because they don't possessed same memories or knowledge... They just look alike.

It's nice ending. It's human ending. Literal ending without them, because it's reality where neither Demons nor Angels could exist. That's why it's different. They were erased.

[ryounyan]

Watching "Good Omens 3".

Aziraphale: I can't think straight.

Me, commenting: Because you aren't not. Congratulations on coming out.

(I can't finish this movie...)

Crowley's and Aziraphale's questions to God are the most important and unanswered questions of my Life. It feels too personal.

Antony Crowley saying to Asa Fell that they would wait them for dinner. I am jumping as an idiot.

Oh, and another very personal thing. Antony and Asa still together 20 years later... It's beautiful love story. For all late bloomers. Also with the beloved person/s that not getting mad on them for "actually/technically" informations.

And they finally have their nightingales.

[ryounyan]

Oscar... Interesting statement about "Oscar 2026" is that Hollywood is trying to return to peaceful and more "cinema for everyone" past itself. Less political statements, less queerness, less negativity. But more stories about how simple people surviving in difficult situations and overcoming everything... Mates, we have more than two political leaders that spreading oppression on their own nations and on everyone not enough convenient for them. Hollywood cannot return to "peaceful" mode especially now. Because it's definitely impossible making art/cinema/performance/ect. about how positive motivated cannibal consuming victim and victim is happy about that. Films/Movies/Cinema are too important, especially in modern era. Last year we had interesting boom of political queerness, because making series about how impossible being true self, doing carrier and being happily in love... since majority of countries still have oppressions about queerness or feminism. Mates, it still socially acceptable to say "it was her fault" and "if her was wearing more modest clothes...". And still people continue to imagine est European people as "whores" and "alcoholics".

If cinema industry stopping being political and returning to "communist self" it's literally political statement. You can't say to the victim of war or SA being more positive and more family friendly.

[ryounyan]

"What's your problem??"

Quick sketch of Lilù (a.k.a. Leeloo "Dallas"). They are elderly cat, still believing to be the kitten.

[ryounyan]

Wait... WOW... Forgot the head. Is that

Macaulay Carson Culkin in "FallOut" on "Amazon Prime"??

Know what?? It suits better this way. Probably one of the best actors to being inside of that world.

[ryounyan]

Hear me out... Not that "hear me out".

I am sick about advertisements about how it's really possible to remain sexy after being 30 years old... Mate, really?? It's literally the beginning of sexiness. Patriarchal society is so wrong about what is sexy. Children are not sexy, they still must go through puberty. In age of 20 some people not even feeling themselves sexy, because they had gone through some rough teenager stuff. Some people are believing being already mature and knowing everything around being sexy. Oh, yeah, smooth skin and bright eyes...

More person is mature, more attractive it is.

[ryounyan]

Somehow anime "Sanda" on "Amazon Prime" passing little bit underrated. Based on manga by Itagaki Paru, that is best known for "Beastars"... Check also one-shots "Drip Drip".

After finding manga "Sanda" I was feeling too familiar with graphic style and storytelling. Because at the beginning of 2000 became famous Nakamura Asumiko, better famous for BL and yaoi manga "Classmates" and "Double Mint"... Very unproportional style, very fluid and alive. Under all that gothic lolita, visual kei and barocco style is hiding very perverse and obscure themes. Everything is so young and attractive, but under it laughing most dark secrets and destroyed characters...

Itagaki Paru and Nakamura Asumiko are very similar, but still different. Because it feels like Itagaki is the heir of Nakamura, that still needs to evolve.

N/B: very probably both took inspiration from famous ink masters as like Aubrey Beardsley. Especially Aubrey Beardsley was too provocative, too volgar, too erotic, too fluid for the actuality of Times. Literally depicted Kings as physical intimate organs. Many times told very traumatic stories.

[ryounyan]

No friends. No fiance... Literally killing my Mom with my unemployed adulthood... And no one to talk about. No money. I failed my education. Once I was talented, but too rebel to use it to my profit. And now I am total anon. Basically I am pop-up advertisment window with random information and oversharing my problems and presumed traumas...

Trying to write it down by deleting and burning everything thousands times. Tired. And overweight. No motivation, but laughing when talking serious things. People my age have archived at least something. I don't talking about family, children or friends... At least part-time works. I am unemployed and continuously told "Sorry, you are too skilled for us" or "Sorry, you don't have enough experience"... My Mom is secretly ashamed by me. She trying not to show it and she loves me. But it in the air. I am already that old that people beginning to ask me about my grandchildren... I have no children. At all.

How it fills?? As like I lost my last train long time ago and I am finished as a person without being one. It's like being at the End without really witnessing the Beginning.

Not cool at all. Not sad. Not bad. Just total destruction.

Not enough...

[ryounyan]

One of my useless special talents is music detector. If I hear something and connect it to visual images, my Brain move it in "library". When I meet certain situations as like similar visual images, scents or hearing the brief pieces of music I can return in that situation and definitely reconnect me with that music and at the end finding the title and artists of it... Example, I was walking my dog and someone forgot their hoodie on the bench. Black hoodie with red stripe on chest where was written "NOW OR NEVER", my Brain picked up sound track "It's now or never. Don't give it up!!", than I said that later I figure it out where it from... next Day I was picking up episodes of "Shield Hero" on "NETFLIX"... Know what?? Title is "Faith" and it from one of the endings of "Shield Hero". Another example, I was listening anime music and there was cool j-rock song. I definitely knew it. Stop music. Pick up "NETFLIX"... because it was surely from "DanDaDan", yeah, exorcism song...

Useless special talent. But I like it. I can't figure out how to use it, because when I noticed it there was "Shazam" and other apps that did it better than me...