“Hmm…” Jude droned in thought as he carefully contemplated the question he was presented, “Well, like I already mentioned, I didn’t really see Alvin in that light at first. So I’m not sure if I could say it had any influence on my decision to be with him later on. I did question him if he was sure as I didn’t think I could supply him what a person might expect from a female partner in a long term relationship.”
Alvin had presented himself to be rather friendly and easy going at first. And on the events that Jude encountered him speaking to women, it didn’t really make him very concerned. Well… with the exception of Presa at least. He did out right lie about her.
“But I guess in a general point of view, I may have felt some admiration to how easily he could speak to others.” he chuckled weakly, “Alvin was always so confident and seemed to know exactly what he wanted to do. So for someone like me who lacked a purpose back then, he was someone amazing.”
Although it would also have been a lie that his opinion didn’t change over time. It was just not Alvin’s confident front that made Jude’s opinion of the older male waver. The cause was something entirely different.
“….” Jude fell silent as he tried to put away the memories that eventually led to the events in Zenethra, “… Although I admit that if I considered it in another perspective… Let’s say I did carry the feelings I have for Alvin at the time he flirted more openly with women. I guess I might feel a bit disheartened and maybe even resigned.”
He glanced over at the brunet sitting beside him and smiled.
“I mean, I’m male and considering Alvin had said how much he liked women, I would lose hands down, right? Seeing him with women would just solidify that reality and make me lose my confidence.”
What Jude said regarding his interrogation of the other him and his intentions made sense. Even while she possessed all the necessary and important parts for procreation, Judith herself had been concerned about that given what her own short-and-long-term plans had been and how they may not fit with his own.
It wasn’t what had made him put his relationship plans on hold after their duscussion–had in fact not been an immediate concern of his nor short-term plan–but he could see how it made any such connection difficult to consider or stay confident of his ability to satisfy him. Especially if he boasted about his love for women.
(And, he couldn’t help but remind himself with a mental wince, the type of women he’d flirted with didn’t help Judith feel any more confident about her own suitability as his girlfriend.)
"Somehow... you're incredibly similar to each other, my Judith and you," he couldn't help but comment and, in light of that admission, finally respond to the question that had been asked of him, his tone quiet. "She didn't say yes to me right away either. She even tried to dissuade me with similar arguments, but I really couldn't see myself wanting or being with anyone else."
Not in the past nor in the future. And even if he still had a lot to make up to her for, that wasn't the reason why he wanted to be with her.
"In the end, her side was the only place where I felt like I belonged."
