Ryuu's Synthetic Domain~ @ryuusynthsune - Tumblr Blog

Something terrible is happening! I am not being pet despite literally being cutes. How can I most easily rectify this situation?

-Iris Loretti, 2nd bloom

coincidentalwitch

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

Hm? You came looking for your girlfriend? I see. Please, come in and have a seat; we have much to discuss.

You’ll be relieved to know it is here, and I assure you it is quite safe. I’m sure you’re wondering why I am referring to your beloved as an ‘it’. Well, you see, I turned it into a doll. A most wonderful little thing, with flawless porcelain skin and glassy eyes that shine brilliantly. Would you like to visit it? It’s just upstairs cleaning; I’ll call it down.

Try not to be disturbed by its muted responses; dolls often aren’t as talkative as they were before becoming. I assure you it is overjoyed to see you. I can feel it; it’s something in the way its eyes latched onto you as soon as it saw you.

You’re as white as a ghost; I can hardly blame you. Most are unnerved at first. May I offer you some tea? It’s a calming blend, something to soothe the nerves.

The poor thing begged for this, truly. How it wept and pleaded for release, to be free of the burden of personhood. To be free of choice, of thought, of all those messy emotions. It yearned only to be still, to be cherished, to be loved eternally.

Don’t you see how joyful it is? How peaceful? You must admit, there’s a serenity in that stillness. It will never age, never break, and never feel useless or unwanted.

Turn it back? How silly. I couldn’t bear to; it’s far too perfect like this. Even if I wanted to, it would be far too cruel to put it in such pain again. You mustn’t push yourself so hard, little one. With the tea starting to set in, you could really hurt yourself.

It’s getting hard to talk, I see. Don’t fret; I can tell you’re asking how you didn’t see how much it was hurting. Don’t blame yourself, sweet thing. This world is cruel, far crueller to it than you know, and there’s nothing you could have done for her. It hid its suffering well, but under every smile, every word, it was begging for release. Now it is still, safe, and adored in my care.

And soon, she will not be alone. I can tell at a glance how much it would hurt you to be without your beloved, in any case; dolls are best in pairs. Understand, this is all you can do for it now. To sit, to smile, to exist as a doll at my side. It has waited for you patiently, and you will look perfect together.

planetarytransformation

so many of the transfems i know spent their time pre-transition performing a kind of lifelong exercise in self-deprivation, the goal of which was to find out exactly how little a person needed to live. they starved themselves, dressed carelessly, shunned friends, and hollowed themselves out so as not to be burdens on anyone but themselves.

i see it now, too, in the girls around me. i'll ask if they want care – a home-cooked meal, relaxed company, sex without the expectation of reciprocation – and they say no, no, thank you, i don't need it; what would you like, what do you want, because in their head they're still doing that awful calculus, still training themselves to disappear in the eyes of the people around them.

i don't think i'd have died without transition – not in the conventional sense, at least – but to take that leap, i had to stop thinking of myself as a human experiment in fuel-efficient living and start nurturing the anemic, atrophied flame of desire in my heart. i had to learn to eat well, to exercise, to style myself beautiful, but harder than that, i had to learn to ask the people around me to work on my behalf in order to enrich my life and give me the things i wanted.

and i did it; i learned. and it was agony, but courage is a muscle you can train, and every day i get better at accepting gifts with the hungry gratitude i never learned in my years and years as a sad, scared, lonely boy.

so be patient with the trans girls in your life. better than that: be proactive, attentive, generous; be forceful, if you have to, and learn to distinguish real discomfort from the terrified reflex of self-denial that so many of us once learned to rely on.

and if you are so lucky as to love a trans girl, you must insist upon her. you must insist upon her happiness, her comfort, her pleasure, and her rest, because she may still not yet know how to make those demands for herself. if you can devote any amount of energy to becoming an engine that nurtures the flame of even a single tgirl then there is a place for you in trans heaven, which as far as i'm concerned is the only one worth going to

thexyno

the process of creating a doll is as follows:

1. find a willing subject

2. wrap it tightly in linen for the clay to stick to

3. cover it in clay, forming it exactly how it should be, best for its purpose. attention to detail is very important

4. burn it in the fire of your magic, turning the flesh into ash, the clay into beautiful and smooth porcelain, and all sorrow, pain, confusion and struggle of the subject into beautiful precise clockwork

5. let it cool of until it awawawas at its Witch

the clockwork needs to be wound up from time to time