Thanks for the tag @poisonheadcrabsalesman! I have a wip in its very very infancy (still in phone notes app) based on this ask to @oni-official, lovingly realized by @superintendent-b in a comic that has bewitched me.
We lurch toward the classroom.
A pathetically small one blocks our passage. It sits at a white folding table, inattentively typing into some device. It makes no attempt to shield its carotid arteries.
"Hello there...Brian," it chirps, reading our badge. "Are you here for the forklift certification course? Can I have your Training HQ username?"
We moan uncertainly.
"Oh, are you new? Sorry, you can't take our certification classes until you get set up in Training HQ. Lorraine in HR can create a user ID for you."
Our oculars peer into the classroom. This one would not join the chorus. We could turn it into meat. Already we can hear ourselves sloshing through its insides and passing into the class.
"HRGHHHH."
"No, I'm not seeing that username in the system."
"MMPHHH."
"Sorry, Brian, there's a line forming behind you. Like I said, Lorraine can help you." It presents its mouth bones.
We find the creature called "Lorraine". It is old and weak, and solitary. It should never have been given this much power.
Its wet oculars narrow. It sets down a tome called "sudoku" and sighs.
"Can I help you? I'm very busy."
"FORK...Ngggh...lift."
"Oh, did Kerry finally hire someone? It's about time. I thought I was the only one who worked around here. So you need a username, hm? You know I'm the only one who knows how to use this system?"
That should not be. These creatures have no chorus. If this meat expires, the knowledge rots with it.
"HHNG."
"I don't know what they'd do without me." It snaps a sticky substance in its disgusting maw. "Name?"
"B...BRIAN."
Your last name, hun." Its face hole scrunches.
We were not prepared for this. Our tendrils scan the area. Carpet...desk...poster with "Hang in There" kitten...no, no...
"BRIAN. HRNG. BRIAN...JOB."
"Brian Job?"
"YEEEE"
"Uh-huh. Here. Your username is Bjob. It's auto-generated. No, we can't change it. No, I won't make an exception for you."
Excellent...with this Bjob we are one step closer to our goal.