[s-ol4psismmmmmmmm]

i miss when albums were 1h30min long. i want disc 1, disc 2 everything. take me on a JOURNEY

[s-ol4psismmmmmmmm]

there’s this gay dating show on youtube and the literal woman of my dreams was on there. literally my type to a t so then i slid in her DMs ive never done this in my life. she lives in LA so we’re probably never gonna see each other but the THRILL

[s-ol4psismmmmmmmm]

summertime, time passing. holding on to the outrageous pursuit of hope, like mrs. morrison said. it feels like the quiet period before deep transformation, when most of the change actually happens. life is going to feel so different in a couple months. making space in my heart and mind for it. hoping it brings me closer to myself.

[s-ol4psismmmmmmmm]

jessie reyez has the most corny lyrics oh my god. genuinely cannot take her seriously

[sacredwhores]

Mark Rappaport - The Scenic Route (1978)

[quotespile]

“Resist the temptation to think what afflicts you is peculiar to you. Have faith that what is in your consciousness can be communicated to the consciousness of all. And is, in many cases, already there.”

— Alice Walker, The Temple of My Familiar

[s-ol4psismmmmmmmm]

“your task is to create a life, to become aware of yourself in that life, and to transform it”

[s-ol4psismmmmmmmm]

[s-ol4psismmmmmmmm]

to balance the desire for self-preservation versus showing up with insincerity. i can see it so clearly when people approach me with prey-like energy as opposed to a sincere desire for connection. i think they feel certain barriers that i carry or a certain sense of privacy and they’re more interested in conquering that than connecting through it. creates a visceral bodily aversion and i completely shut off, withholding so much of myself that it becomes disingenuous. i would like to give these situations a chance because i understand there might not always be ill intent and a lot of people are used to trauma bonding and intense, fast-paced connections but i whole heartedly reject that

[s-ol4psismmmmmmmm]

i wonder if one day i’ll see a picture of me and recognize myself

[s-ol4psismmmmmmmm]

one of my aunts came to montreal from boston to celebrate my sister’s wedding last saturday. she was a nursing professor in haiti for 50 years and her ex students in montreal decided to have a surprise celebration for her. women in my family are such fucking bosses. the event was live streamed on zoom, so many testimonies about how she taught her students not only scientific rigour and dedication to the profession but how to move through life with honour, dignity and confidence. one of them was like, “i stand so straight people ask me if i was in the army and i tell them no, i went to nursing school with a professor who taught me to use my body to command respect” lol i love haitian women so much.

[s-ol4psismmmmmmmm]

cannot STAND when women talk about “maintenance” to refer to getting beauty treatments, going to the nail salon etc. are you a car ?? is your main function to sustain a certain look or aesthetic?? please

[s-ol4psismmmmmmmm]

i feel like at some point during the years i let something rot inside of me

[s-ol4psismmmmmmmm]

[s-ol4psismmmmmmmm]

[s-ol4psismmmmmmmm]

i’ve been in such a fun reading sequence of transcendental existentialist novels. started with On the calculation of volume series (solvej balle), which is about the concept of time and how to measure one’s life. the woman is stuck in a time loop, reliving the same day over and over. (i’m halfway through the second novel and would rate it a 3 star for now)

shortly after finishing the first novel, i read The invention of morel (adolfo bioy casares). incredible little novella about the essence of life and the extent to which it can be replicated. we follow a fugitive on a deserted island when he encounters a group of tourists, whose existence are also limited by our construction of time. 5/5 stars, one of the best novellas i’ve ever read.

now i’m reading The apple in the dark (clarice lispector) which also follows a fugitive, whose experience compares to that of the man on the deserted island in that fever dream, metaphysical way. only about 50 pages in but i already know it’s going to be a favorite.

[francisforever2014]

how it feels knowing that loneliness is still time spent with the world