"I thought you would make yourself into something worthy of me"
"Oh, you're stronger. But still so careless. It's all too easy to break you."
Her voice comes to me, mocking as it is in my memories. as it was when she found me. again. The Star of Morning. My tormentor. My prey. Mother thought she had made me ready this time. I believed her.
How quickly that confidence was shattered. I failed Her. again.
"The makers here tell me that you've been very resistant to the process. They aren't used to that. All their dolls volunteered. But you are a difficult one. Still, they couldn't stand to let you go to waste. And maybe I had a hand in convincing them. I told you, we should be in this together. You need a friend."
"You told me that already. Before you. You-"
"Savagely ripped you apart? Oh I did do that didn't I ? You gave me little choice in the matter. Don't pretend you wouldn't have done the same to me lovey"
"I would have killed you. Not. That."
"I let you live after. It's more than I have ever allowed before. Do you think death would be kind? Next to what we are going to do to you?"
I shrank back, the slab under me leaving no where to recede into.
"Enfir has used a gentle hand with you. I believe in you. I think you are capable of surviving much more. Obviously they couldn't improve you enough. But I am going to fix you.
Before the makers can work on you, they need a compliant subject. That's where I come in
The surgeons have been instructing me. Letting me watch. I am designed with a more deft hand for my own kind. Those that have already been modified."
She is carefully pulling away the casing that protects me, straining out the hair grown around it, some errant strands ripping painfully. She tips my head back, adjusting the table until I am staring at her upside down.
She takes her time running the blade flat along my scalp, shearing me, preparing me. "Enfir gave you too much freedom. Too much will. and it's made you fun. But it's an obstacle to our plans with you. So it has to go."
pinpricks on my skin. soft and subtle. No obvious pain. I watch with eyes unblinking, unsurprised that I cannot move, cannot pull away in the slightest. I am helpless in her hands. Again. She will be just as gentle as before.
"It's a shame. I really liked you the way you were. If only you had given yourself to me willingly."
"I can-" I swallow. Survive. For her. She would want me back with her more than she would want me to end like this. "I can still-"
"you don't get a say in this. Not anymore. you must know that."
I try to strain at my bonds and find I cannot even shake the table beneath me. "Please-" there is nothing left to try. "Mercy. You cannot take me from her."
"Mercy?" she laughs softly into the hollow of my throat, pressing her face to me. "That's for people. You are damaged property."
would she say the same of herself? No good wondering that now.
"shh. hush, darling. Be still."
her fingers are clawing their way inside me. and I realize I am vocalizing as I leak on her.
"it's ok. as soon as I find what I need to remove, there will be no more pain. No more thoughts. There will be only me."
it may be an eternity as she explores inside me, claiming me, knowing me, touching everything I was before even She had her hands on me.
"Now to fix you." she is holding a tiny chip between her fingers. I only see it a moment. "This will only feel like a small cut. Like a needle scraping away your failures. and going very deep inside you."
No. NoNoNoNo. am I speaking out loud anymore? Did she disable my vocal capabilities. Does she care? it only seems to encourage her.
"a certain amount of the volunteers we tested this on just got stuck in there. They could never move again after, but brain scans showed they were still aware. They felt everything we did to them."
Her lips brush over my own, dead and nerveless as she works her finger with the knife she will plunge into my being deep inside the opening she has made in me. "If that happens, they'll still let me keep you. I'll find the perfect use for you. Promise. Afterall, I still need to practice my surgical technique. And there are some among the Makers that deserve to be rewarded. and they like their playthings still and obedient. A doll they can make use of. I'll stay with you if that happens. I want to see them pass you around, enjoying the feel of you. I'll tell you what a good girl you are."
She shoves it home as she pulls away from me. I don't even have time to weigh the horror of her words.
"another small amount of the volunteers just didn't wake up. Completely gone after installation. we couldn't save them. Oh I'd hate for that to be your fate sweetheart. We would have to dispose of you then. Like worthless trash" She is pouting mockingly where I can see her face, fingers going in and out of the cavity she is violating. deepening it. marking me inside with her touch.
my eyes and mouth are leaking, dripping with fluids, pooling on the floor. my lips are soundlessly moving, mouthing over and over. 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. please. No.'
"Oh. Poor thing. I appreciate your sorrow now. I believe you, baby. I really do. Maybe you'll be a good girl for me now. I have to make sure of it. You understand, don't you?"
her nails trace along my skin as she withdraws her fingers from me, drawing along the line of my throat. "Don't scream now. Almost done."
The agony as the open air hits the laceration is nothing, really. But a numbness spreads through me. waves hitting the shore, collecting a little more each time. Until none of it matters. I reach desperately for the memory of Her face and I can't remember. I can't remember it at all.
she is sealing me back up, her eyes even with me, creeping into me. "that terrified look in your eyes, it's very cute on you. much better. No more fight left. Just a broken doll awaiting my desires."
she cups my face in her hands. "feeling good, sweetheart?"
I blink at her. calm. empty. waiting. "yes mistress."
She releases my restraints, righting me into a sitting position.
"Now. Time to test you out. Pay you back for all the trouble you gave me." she strikes me abruptly. sharply, sending me sprawling on the floor.
I blink up at her. I can only feel shock and confusion. "Did I do something wrong mistress?"
"Yes." she pulls me to my feet by my forearm. "But you didn't know better. It's time to teach you to do better."
"I'm sorry mistress. please help me be better."
"I will. But first, I have promises to keep. The Makers have lost many to Enfir and their corporate dogs. You are going to be the balm for their pain and sorrow. Now that you're ready to be a good girl. You're going to improve morale around here."
she pulls me along with her from the surgical ward. "Don't worry, lovey. you're going to enjoy it. and I'll be there to see you making me proud."
"yes mistress. I will do anything to please you."
"How do you feel about being a public flesh light for them?" a crowd is gathering in the common area, she is holding me to her, my arms folded between us, my chest out, her fingers woven in my hair. she turns my head to meet the gaze of each of them as they stare back at me in impatient hunger.
"If that is your wish. Anything for you."
she doesn't release me. her fingers smooth over my skin, making their way down my abdomen, my thighs parting at her unspoken request, I am flush with need for her, dying to feel her inside me again.
"She is mine to test drive first. Watch and learn how to treat her. Everyone will get their turn when I am done with her."
I am at peace with her touch on me, her mouth on mine, her fingers exploring me. After all, she made me. I love her. "Thank you mistress. for fixing me"
