All of My Worst Thoughts

Jackie's secondary blog for sad/angry/emotional ramblings.

[sadsleeves-blog]

it’s nice to have spent months trying to do things right and then find out I’ve still been doing it wrong

[sadsleeves-blog]

“I am totally over it. It doesn’t bother me at all.” 

- me, eye twitching, not over it, not even a little bit, maybe less over it than I was months ago actually 

[sadsleeves-blog]

I am supes excited about getting my theatre minor back when I didn’t think I would graduate in August with it. It means a crapton to me and it would be cooler if people didn’t act like it isn’t important especially since I lost the minor by being in a psych ward and recovering 

like seriously 

even if you don’t care about it, you care about me so maybe iunno be happy for someone else since I do it for others constantly  

[snorlax-and-co]

[fiftyshadesofsuicide-1-0-1]

[sociallyanxiousteen]

[sickfake]

being alive is very………..Not Easy

[sadsleeves-blog]

I love that the only time I get to speak with anyone face-to-face is at work

At least having no one to hang out with got me a pikachu 

that’s some kind of consolation 

[sadsleeves-blog]

Guys if we're friends I will support u no prob but if you act like a dick to me I'm not gonna pretend like that's okay

[sadsleeves-blog]

@ male friends if you have a crush on me and don't want to say anything about it so I hear this from others, that's totes okay it's your life @ same male friends this does not give you the right to be a douche to me whenever I talk about other boys I am interested in

[sometimes-i-think-im-dead]

I hope you sit on your sofa and the memories come flooding back. And I hope you fucking cry knowing that I will never sit there again with your arm around me, cheeks pressed on mine with lips that strain to touch. I hope you realize what you’ve done. I hope you feel what I felt

(via sometimes-i-think-im-dead)

[sadsleeves-blog]

me: dont be clingy, dont be clingy, dont be clingy

me 2 minutes later: hello?? you havent texted me back in 15 minutes what the fuck??

[exterior2223-deactivated2016042]

[galentines]

sometimes i want to pull my hair out because i want to see just ONE female character i can relate to in terms of their romantic/sex life

i want to see a girl in her mid twenties who has never been kissed

i want to see a girl who is confused because she has literally no experience

a girl that has panic attacks when she thinks of sex and cant stop thinking about what kissing is like while also being terrified of it

a girl who cant figure out her sexuality because she’s never gotten to try

a girl who self destructs because shes terrified of how bigger her baggage gets with age

i’m sick of seeing woman in tv and movies who date and have sex and still have relationship hangups, not because that doesnt exist but because i cant relate to those women

i want to turn on the tv and see a 25 year old woman who has never been with anyone, was genuinely not looked at for a long time and has become terrified of attention, who’s anxiety cheats them out of dating, who greets every birthday with this feeling of dread in the pit of their stomach because they’re getting older and older and it feels weirder and more wrong with every passing year

i know i’m not the only woman like this, but with the way the media is, it’s maybe the most alienating baggage i carry. everywhere i look, it’s weird that this is my experience. i feel ashamed and i feel scared that i one day have to tell a person to their face that i’m am adult who has never had a first kiss. its terrifying and consuming and confusing and awful. you start to believe it isnt meant for you - not just sex, or intimacy, but fucking love itself. because you dont turn on the tv and see people like you. “unlucky in love” means slightly clumsy and loud on dates and fear of commitment. its a quirky girl who probably has had sex with multiple people and just ~cant figure it out~!!!!!

i want a girl who feels so alone because she literally always has been

that’s what i wanna see

[sadsleeves-blog]

My first romantic experience was with a guy who would’ve dated me, except he already had a girlfriend and loved her more

The second was with a guy who kept me around as his back-up plan, and I let him because I didn’t know I deserved any better. He was worried that things with his girlfriend would go badly, but he was never going to pick me as plan A

Then I finally got into a relationship, but after months together, he chose an internship in another state over me. He said I “wasn’t worth the risk”

Now I meet a guy who does like me, and who I have an insane amount in common with, but he’s already with someone. He wants to remain friends and acknowledges that our friendship “deserves more attention”

I feel like I’m just repeating the same story over and over again.

I’m never going to be someone’s first choice.