I Had an Orgasm After a Year
...and 6 weeks, give or take. 13 and a half months denied, and last Thursday evening I earned an orgasm.
What follows is a description of how this happened, how I felt after and how I feel now. Its not intended as erotica, but you may enjoy it if reading about a middle aged woman utterly losing her shit trying to cum.
There's some reflections at the end, which I encourage anyone interested in longer term denial to read. A kind of PSA. Please add your thoughts and comments, I'm confused about a lot of things and some input from the community would be greatly appreciated.
(ps, if it turns you on reading about how pathetic I am, you're a pervert. And I love you.)
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My instructions were simply that I had to start drinking wine and water, and an hour after I started needing to pee I had to tie my hands behind my back (I have velcro straps I can do this safely with). Once tied, I could cum however I want.
Simple, right? Except that I can't cum unless I rub my clit. But once I had a tiny orgasm from using a stick on dildo in my ass so I decided that would be a good way to start.
All day before, I had a butt plug in, nipple clamps on for as long as I could bear them, with breaks for meetings, and I edged, a lot. I barely remember what happened at work because I was in a haze of edging, my only focus was on that wet hole between my legs and the amazing orgasm I was going to have later. It was one of those days where I'm sure the people on Teams calls knew something was up.
So after about 6 hours of edging I started to drink, and prepare my toys.
There's a picture on here somewhere of the collection, but most of them need hands, so I discounted them. The only ones I had were my suction dildo, which only goes in my bum (hygiene), and my magic wand. I wish I had another suction dildo!
I laid these out on the floor - the suction dildo obviously needs a solid surface to attach to, and while I've tried the wall in the shower a couple of times, its really uncomfortable. The floor seemed a better option, and my lounge has a polished wooden floor. Perfect. And easy to clean up any mess (ha, of course there was going to be a mess).
So I laid out my toys, my laptop, headphones (because neighbours), coconut oil (best lube ever!), a towel and some baby wipes. Then I got dressed as I hope Miss would like to see me, black stockings & patent leather pleaser heels (obviously), a waspie / underbust corset and a collar. I was giving my nipples a break but the clamps were also nearby so I could put them back on before tying my hands.
So there you have a picture. A middle aged woman, dressed to please, cunt already red and swollen from edging all day, big stupid tits out and nipples swollen from arousal and a couple of hours of clamping earlier, toys and accessories laid out.
And now I needed to pee. Which meant I had an hour till I had to tie my hands. I made good use of this by edging and listening to sexy audios. I had to put the towel down on the armchair I was sitting in.
I squirted, maybe half an hour later. And just sat in it. kept edging over and over, bringing myself as close as I dared. I'd turned the heating on, I wasn't in bed under the covers after all, so I was starting to get pretty warm, starting to sweat (I think nice girls 'glow' like this, but I'm not nice, and certainly wasn't about to do anything nice so I was sweating.)
My bladder was competing with my cunt for attention as the hour approached, I needed to pee quite badly, I was slightly drunk and horny out of my mind. It was one of those times I'd have fucked just about anyone if they'd walked in (fantasy!). But I needed it, I was earning it and my orgasm was close.
After the hour, I put the nipple clamps back on, they hurt, a lot. I'm not used to wearing them at all, let alone for hours at a time, I was sore but I put up with it.
Next I took out my plug, I'd had it in most of the day and it was a relief to take it out, but it also left me feeling empty, I neeeed *something* in me. It reminded me that whatever happened, my cunt was staying empty and unused because I didn't have anything I could use. Only my ass was getting fucked tonight.
Lubed and headphones on, delicious sounds in my ears, I squatted over the dildo, naively thinking I could fuck myself like that, I'd seen it online. But I am not quite as flexible so absolutely no chance, I had to sit on it, with my legs out in front of me and hands behind me. It was hard work. I lowered myself all the way onto it, slowly - its wider and much longer than the plug I took out - and wriggled to get a bit comfy.
I realised quickly that there was no way I'd be able to lift myself up with my hands tied, so I probably wasn't going to be able to fuck it like I hoped.
But fuck I was horny, it was going to work!
I wrapped my wrists behind me with the velcro, I could escape if I needed to but unless I did they were secure. I was ready.
I tied to fuck myself with the dildo. I could barely move. I tried rocking almost onto my knees, which helped a little but there was still barely any movement. Fuck.
I sat cross legged instead, that was better, I could rock and raise and lower myself at the same time, so a gentle fucking began.
I did this for a few minutes but it was clear there was no way I was ever going to cum like this. I went faster, harder, as my legs (and hole) got used to it I started to get enough movement to properly feel like I was getting fucked, but god it was hard work. I'm carrying a bit more weight than I used to, and thrusting myself up and down on this thing had me short of breath, panting, very quickly. My tits were bouncing and the clamps biting into my nipples. I was breathing hard, moaning probably, bouncing up and down with a fake cock in my ass listening to internet porn, desperately trying to cum.
I could feel it there, lurking, somewhere near my womb, beyond my ignored cunt, where it always lurks before I let it out. It was there, it wanted it but the thrusting wasn't enough. But I wanted to cum this way so badly!
I kept going as long and hard as I could. I'm sure it would have been one of the most pathetic sites, watching me sweating and panting, fucking myself pointlessly with my hands tied, stupid hucow tits slapping against each other. I don't care how pathetic it was, I wanted Her to enjoy it, the point was to earn this orgasm, not just take it. It shouldn't be easy, and it certainly wasn't.
I was beginning to ache, my heart was working overtime and I needed a rest. I didn't think this was the best way to be found after a heart attack, so I had to stop.
I sat there, hands tied behind my back, impaled on a rubber cock, getting my breath back while I worked out what to do next.
I realised my ass hurt, I'm not used to anal, butt plugs are one thing but things going in and out is different. But no matter, I needed to cum, so I started thrusting again, I kept going for a long time, I think longer than the first, but nothing was happening, I was getting frustrated and not in a good way, I so badly wanted to cum like this but it wasn't going to happen. I stopped, again just sat on it, wondering what to do next.
The wand was obvious, I just felt disappointed that was the only option, it seemed like an easy way out. But fuck it, I needed to cum now, and I really badly needed to pee too, I couldn't do this much longer, and I wasn't going to wet myself in the lounge, not a chance.
I hadn't plugged the bloody thing in!
I had to lift myself off the dildo, shuffle on my bum and lean back till I could pick up the plug, then shuffle across the floor to the plug socket - at least the wire was long enough! I shuffled back and picked up the wand.
Then I realised it was going to be impossible to use it. The only way was going to be through my legs, trying to hold it up against my clit, but I didn't think it would reach. So maybe If I just left it on the floor and sat on it, that might work. I turned it on, shuffled round and tried to sit on it. If Id had my plug in it would have been great, pressed up against it, but I didn't and when I did finally manage to sit on it, the head was pressed mostly up against my perineum, nowhere near my clit, absolutely no way I was going to cum like this.
Fuck. And I need to pee, badly.
I tried kneeling up, bending myself forward and pressing my pussy down but I couldn't make any contact at all like that.
Maybe if I just laid down on my front, laid right on top of it? I started to try this but realised I'd probably never get back up again if I tried that with my hands tied. It might not matter if I cum, I can just untie myself, but what if I can't cum, and then can't get up? Game over.
She's a smart one my Miss. I hadn't thought this through nearly as much as she must have. I was almost in tears at this point, it was like being trapped in a well, water water everywhere but not a drop to drink. Toys and things were everywhere but not a hope in hell of cumming.
I shuffled back and rocked, pointlessly, with the wand pushed into my perineum again. It always feels good for a while, but eventually it started to hurt.
My perineum hurt. My ass hurt, my bladder hurt, my nipples hurt.
And I was rapidly losing any hope of having an orgasm.
I ditched the wand idea and awkwardly turned it off , then stood up. I was wobbly, I needed to be careful. I took a moment then headed into the kitchen.
If you're a regular reader, you know the corner of the kitchen table is a regular humping spot for me. I've been made to do it on several occasions, sometimes while cooking dinner for the family.
I didn't; think I'd cum from it but at least I'd get some pressure on my clit at last. Its hard and pointy and uncomfortable, and I have to stand on tiptoes but I managed it, got the corner rubbing up and down on my needy clit. Bliss!
Except I can't. Its too hard and pointy and I can't control my weight on it with my hands behind my back. Fuck.
There's an internal wall with a corner on it, I've slid myself up and down that a few times, I tried it now, but it hurts, I need knickers or something on to make it slide, bare cunt just hurts.
The wand was my only chance. I hurt everywhere and I'm close to tears. My rational brain was screaming at me to stop, to give up this pathetic adventure, but my denied cunt was demanding I go through with it. And if I didn't do it quickly I was going to wet myself.
Clarity.
Back in the lounge I awkwardly unplugged and picked up the wand and put it on the arm of the armchair, the head facing out and the wire facing to the back of the chair. I spent a minute trying to put a towel over it to stop it from falling off before giving up on that idea and just turning it on. I'd tried with it backwards between my legs earlier and it wasn't going to work so I had to very carefully leave it running then turn around and mount it, one leg on the floor and one kneeling on the chair. My weight kept it in place and I started to hump it, rubbing my cunt and clit against it. Perfect!
Except it was turned on really low.
I don't know if the messing with the towel had turned it lower or I just hadn't done it properly in the first place, but it was set to what I'd call 'tease' - I'd not normally cum from it.
But today I needed to, and I was going to wet myself if I didn't so I had to. I humped it, I ground my cunt into it, I fucked it and probably moaned pathetically while I was doing it. I made that fucker the centre of my existence, eyes closed and with the sound of beautiful desperation in my ears, and finally, finally I came.
After thirteen months and two weeks I had an orgasm by humping a vibrator on the arm of a chair in my lounge, hands tied behind my back and almost wetting myself.
(you might want to stop reading here if you were hoping for a happy ending)
But. It wasn't great. It was small, I was in pain, it only lasted a few seconds, it left me feeling empty and sore, like sore inside, the ache turned to hurt.
I had to pee, I sat on the toilet and tried, but couldn't go, despite the pain in my bladder, a thin trickle was all I managed for a while. I took off the nipple clamps and cried at the pain. Then I peed properly, finally.
After I was empty, I felt truly empty, I'd done it, but I felt awful. No relief, no satisfaction, just frustrated and tired and most of all empty.
I cleaned up and went to bed feeling very sorry for myself.
I had to work the next morning before driving up to meet my family, so I was awake early.
And I was horny. I woke up wet, needy, like I've been for months. My ass hurt, my nipples hurt, and I edged before getting up for work.
The weekend was so busy I had little time to myself to reflect on any of this, but talking it through with a friend, my description of the orgasm and how I felt, and how quickly I was horny again, she suggested it was a ruin, not an orgasm. At the time I was so emotionally invested in it I didn't stop to think, but she's right. How it felt, how I felt, is exactly why I hate ruined orgasms.
Not overly long after this realisation I was sending pathetic messages to my Miss asking for an easy orgasm. It hasn't been granted yet. I don't know if it will. I hope it will.
I'm in too deep to go back to regular orgasms, but after all this time I'd like at least one to remind me what a good one is like.
I need to go easy on the anal next time, my ass really hurt, though as I write this on the following wednesday, its fine now.
So what do you think? Did I have myself a ruined orgasm? Or have I ruined orgasms for myself?
