hello! this is a greenhouse!

safetygreen is the blog of a fictional neurodivergent child.

[safetygreen]

i’m still alive. i just got busy is all.

[safetygreen]

my mom’s always saying how handsome my dad is. she says i am too but i know i’m not. she just says that because i’m her son and she’s supposed to think her son is handsome and i guess she really does think i am but i know i’m not. my dad is handsome. i wish i looked like my dad. i don’t look anything like my dad. i look just like mom but somehow mom is pretty and i’m not. so i guess even if i did look like dad i still wouldn’t be handsome. but i wish i looked like dad and not like me.

[safetygreen]

it’s too hot today. everything is angry and sweaty.

[safetygreen]

my baby sister and i made a blanket fort in her room and we were looking up pictures of food and we found this. the beans look really good even though they look like they have garlic on them. dad CAN’T STAND the smell of garlic so mom never buys it. i actually don’t remember the last time i ate garlic. my baby sister doesn’t like green beans but she says the plate is pretty.

[safetygreen]

i got busy with homeschool stuff and forgot about this haha. i also got sick again but i feel kind of better now i think.

[liminalspce]

exhausted

[safetygreen]

i always see other kids playing outside. it’s almost always the same kids. i think they’re friends. they always seem like they’re having fun. i wish i had friends.

[safetygreen]

it’s been a lot easier to sleep now. dad went to talk to the neighbor’s wife about her stupid dog and he was really upset cause he couldn’t go to work when he went over there so i think he maybe yelled at her or something plus my big sister says the neighbor’s wife likes dad so she’ll probably listen to him. he can go to work now and stuff cause the snow’s mostly gone. the snow’s been almost gone for a while now even though it still snows just a little bit sometimes. my dad is the best. anyway the dog isn’t barking at night anymore.

[safetygreen]

when my baby sister and i learn new vocabulary words we have to use them in a sentence but we have to use them in a way that shows we actually know what the word means and stuff. like we both had the word demonstrate. demonstrate means to show something like to show how it works so i said the man put a toy boat in the tub to demonstrate how boats float. but my baby sister always writes stuff like the girl is good at demonstrating. i told her she has to demonstrate that she knows what the word means haha.

[safetygreen]

i know i was sick but i wonder if i should have tried to do my chores anyway. dad goes to work even when he’s having a bad day.

[safetygreen]

i really hope dad’s not disappointed in me.

[safetygreen]

i was able to vacuum today! i couldn’t work for a while cause i got sick again but mom let me do it this time. i’m glad i can go back to work. i feel useful and i like helping people. mom says i’m helpful. i hope dad’s not disappointed with me because i didn’t do my chores for so long.

[safetygreen]

a while ago i had a dream i was house sitting for my big sister’s best friend and people kept breaking in to eat her ice cream. i was sleeping in the living room when i woke up and these two guys were eating some of those ice cream cones with the chocolate shell and nuts all over them. i think they’re called drumsticks. i suddenly got really scared because i didn’t hear them come in or anything! they didn’t wake me up or threaten me at all. they just broke in without me hearing them at all. i tried to tell them to get out and they did but they just laughed at me while they were leaving. they weren’t surprised or guilty about getting caught. it was just like that dream with those kids breaking into my window. i checked the locks and i totally forgot to lock them so i made sure they were locked this time.

i fell asleep again and someone else broke in again. this time it was a really old man with a quiet voice but he wasn’t eating any ice cream. he was just walking around and looking at me when i woke up. now i was really scared because nothing i ever did was keeping my big sister’s best friend’s house from getting broken into. i tried my best to get loud and tell him to go and he did but like all the others he didn’t seem to care that i caught him. he left really slowly. i was trying to yell at him but he was just walking away and when he was walking away he was still talking but his voice wasn’t getting any quieter. even when he left and was walking away on the porch it sounded like he was right next to me. i don’t remember what he was talking about.

when i woke up for real i didn’t know where i was and i was scared someone was going to break into my big sister’s best friend’s house again. so i used the living room phone to call her and i had to call two whole times before her dad picked up and i was trying to tell him but my mom heard me and took the phone from me and she told him there was a mistake. then she hung up before i could finish. then she tried to calm me down. we talked for a long time. she was really worried about me. she said how upset i looked and she wanted to help me.

i had to have my stupid meds changed again and now i don’t feel like that stupid dog is watching me anymore but now i feel tired and jittery and i don’t know how but i think my big sister’s best friend’s dad told someone at work or something about what happened and that person told someone and now all the kids on my block know. they look at me funny. they point at my house and talk to each other and laugh. i hate being sick. i just want to stay in my house forever and hide.

[safetygreen]

dog

[safetygreen]

i had no idea it was so hard to put up curtains! i was trying to close the curtains in my room but there kept being a space between the curtains so i pulled really hard and then the curtains came down. they were just the curtains in my room so i didn’t mess up the living room or anything so it’s okay. i had to put them up but i kept messing it up but i got it after a while. i wanted to make sure no one could see inside. i think there are some bag clips somewhere. i’ll have to get them later though. i’m not supposed to be walking around right now. i’m only up because i had to close my curtains and they fell so i had to put them back up.

[safetygreen]

it snowed so hard that it’s not safe for dad to go to work so he has to stay home. dad doesn’t like it when stuff changes without warning so he’s really upset.

[safetygreen]

i just remembered i forgot to make a new years resolution again this year but it’s too late now.