I first and foremost want to say that I do not want anything you have or wish any ill will towards anyone. I speak with a genuine heart and true concern for this community and the women who came here to heal and feel as if they have something . Being fat yet white, pretty and well dressed comes with many privileges and I wish you’d seek out the experiences of women unlike yourself and unlike those around you, whom are usually light skinned and popular online. I understand that when many people approach you aggressively it causes you to become defensive. It has happened to all of us and is a natural response in many situations. What I don’t understand is why you can’t acknowledge the truth behind the anger after the dust settles. Letting go of my pride helped me to see that when people were angry it usually came from a hurt they had, that they were forced to suppress or was ignored. I don’t want to be someone who weaves people’s hurt in anger so I listen and always hold a mirror up to myself first. There are times I even consider ridiculous notions about myself but I’d rather do that than overlook the truth. I have watched you lie when facts were in front of everyone’s face and many people blindly believe you. I think that’s enough to make anyone fighting for the truth feel “crazy” and angry. I have never seen you attempt to speak things out with any of us and it seems you’re content silencing women before they even speak to you. It’s not okay for a body positive advocate to act above other people and especially above talking about body positive issues and fairness. The world isn’t fair but I believe this community was started in hopes we could work towards a general “fairness”. A great definition of fairness is both parties putting aside their personal wants and needs and doing what’s best for the greater good as a whole but it doesn’t seem like you’re interested in doing that. For instance, I do not support you but I would still defend your right to exist as a fat woman. I would have made this in the form of a comment. I’m sure this would be better said face to face but then others wouldn’t be able to learn from it and you blocked me even though I’ve never contacted you before. It took me a while to figure out why I had feelings about being blocked by you but a friend helped me figure it out. I was bothered because being silenced is a reoccurring thing in my life as a fat woman, as a chicana and as a woman in general. I guess I can’t understand why you can never just have a conversation with anyone. You seem to think this is girl on girl hate but you don’t hold yourself accountable when you’re calling people with mental illnesses crazy or when you and your husband are degrading a woman’s looks in response to hateful comments. So it’s okay for you and your husband to bite back at fat haters but not okay for women to ask you to do better? On top of that you perpetuate the idea that a mental disorder somehow means everything a person says is invalid. Continually seeing people play the victim is tiring for some and I don’t think it’s wrong for many to be angry that you’ve portrayed body positivity incorrectly and profited from it on top of that. Even if you never read this, I hope others will and gain insight into why so many are upset. Many of us feel that you and women who support you do the same thing you accuse us of and if you are body positive I’d assume you’d want to mend this tear in the community by talking things out with your peers? Whether you like it or not, we are your peers and it’s okay for us to ask you to address issues beyond your own. Don’t dismiss people just because what they say makes you uncomfortable, stepping out of your comfort zone mentally is part of body positivity too. Probably the biggest part. Finding women who were fat like me and visible was the tip of the iceberg on my journey and that was almost 9 years ago. A huge issue I have is that you continue to accept and perpetuate that you and what you are doing is all there is to being BP. Body positivity is not about one person or centered around one thing and we’re meant to learn and grow from it. It includes everyone(POC, transgendered, disabled, etc.). If you are not somehow invested in creating a safe, accommodating environment for EVERYONE you are not body positive. It does not just mean learning to love yourself, it means learning to love and accept everyone and helping the world accordingly. For you to say that you didn’t insert yourself into a position of power in this community is silly and offensive to our intelligence. Even if you didn’t(you did) you were silent and accepted that position. I believe one of your sites said something like “body positive ambassador”. What kills me the most is that you further the idea that your “fans” are less than you. These young girls are excited just to get a comment and that’s not body positive. You should be projecting the idea that they all have just as much worth and meaning in this community as anyone else. NOT only being nice and commenting back when you’re in the middle of a major call out or acting like you’re the only person who could accomplish the things you have. You like to say that people who call others out have no lives and they are not going anywhere. I find this particularly odd for three reasons. One, I’ve heard that you used to call women out. Two, your husband has publicly stated that you have money issues and three, you claim your t-shirt company operated at a loss. I don’t think it’s fair to cast stones in this case and shaming someone for their income isn’t something I’d expect from a body positive ambassador. Being truly body positive is a lot of work, work you’re not willing to do or even accept as part of it. If women like you continue to accept these platforms and create a good fatty/bad fatty vibe, these companies will never be forced to give platforms to people who want to accurately represent us. I’ve seen many people associated with you saying “if you want a platform, create your own”, “ if you want clothing in your size create your own”….. THAT IN AND OF ITSELF IS NOT BODY POSITIVE. I’ll state this again, body positivity is for everyone, it’s inclusive and never centered around one person’s or subgroup’s feelings, needs or personal journey. It means you don’t take the platform, you share it with others and give a voice to those who are usually silenced. Not pacify them further. I’ve never contacted you before because I didn’t think it would do any good but I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t. To anyone who thinks someone inspiring you to wear certain clothing absolves them from shitty behavior, it’s not about you only. It’s not about simply inspiring you to go outside in shorts or to remind you you can get a “hot” boyfriend. It’s so much bigger than that and I encourage you to educate yourself with the many resources we’re given today. Keeping an open mind and listening to differing experiences is key in this community and I hope one day you’ll give these women the respect they deserve by not writing them off as “crazy” or a “bully” if they aren’t praising you. What’s also concerning is that you and your husband silence anyone that speaks out if they’re speaking against any other issues besides fat hate. You want us to disregard issues of racism, sexism and fraud to focus on people leaving comments about you being fat even though almost every fat girl online gets those? Even though there are people within our own community(you) who are having a negative and bigger impact on what we’re trying to do? It’s troubling that you think this way but more so that you’re letting your husband have a voice in these issues over us. A man should never assert his opinions on feminist subjects and it’s offensive to see him basking in victory over feminist issues. I would really appreciate it if you’d let him know that a skinny, white man has no place speaking about body positivity, feminism and race. I would like to end by saying, speaking out and going against the grain creates a lot of issues in one’s life and ends many friendships. I’m sure you know this. Now imagine what it’s like for people who are left out of their own communities or never listened to because what they’re saying goes beyond what those who go against the grain can comprehend. I speak not only for myself but also for people who have issues beyond mine, this community is more than fighting fat hate. Hopefully this will at least encourage people to stop dehumanizing those whose opinions don’t resemble theirs or whose anger they don’t understand. Good luck to you and anyone that reads this. The fat community still has so much potential but it will never get there if women with a platform keep writing off women who are willing to speak about the deeper issues.
