[sailorcheese]

sad post warning

I think I’ve officially lost every part of me that made me an artist, I can’t draw or even doodle without getting self conscious and disappointed in myself, and it’s been getting progressively worse over the last 7 years

I spent 4 hours this morning trying to draw something that was in my head, that I’d been thinking about and conceptualizing mentally for weeks, and all it did was make me angry for thinking it was worth trying

I even reupped my clip studio license and now I feel like an idiot for doing that

[winged-void]

The problem is I always want to dm my mutuals some shit like "I consider you an ally to my cause"

[sailorcheese]

I can’t post about this anywhere else but bren got me to read his all-time childhood favorite series finally, I just finished the third book, and… not only did I seriously miss out as a teenager but I am literally drenched in tears rn

[sailorcheese]

things are ok ish now 👍🏻

trying to fix this mess is going to kill me but at least I’m no longer feeling all jump off a bridge-y

[sailorcheese]

realized I’d been photo dumping only on instagram but today marks a full week at the new job! I think, for the first time, it’s extremely visible how happy I am

pics: first floor pano, my fav smoking corner pano, 3rd floor (my floor ☺️) pano, naturally lit elevator, and two bathroom selfies

[sailorcheese]

like, I work here!!! and you can’t even see the library parts! or my office because it’s in the stacks and that area is not open to the public!

[sailorcheese]

y’all the new job is fantastic

all the staff is so kind and welcoming (and needless to say bc library) in a similar political alignment so I don’t have to worry about masking my beliefs + morals

literally the only downside/stressful part is the commute which, if you’ve ever been to downtown Nashville, you know is a shitshow

but I’ll happily trade 2 hrs of stress for 8 hours at a job I actually like any day

[sailorcheese]

three more days of logistics hell (and one truck unload) until I’m free 😌 plus I’m going home for the weekend and we have plans and I’m so excited

[sailorcheese]

wouldn’t it be fucking hilarious if I got evicted a week before starting a new job where I’ll make my entire rent in a week and a half

[sailorcheese]

in incredible news and thanks to a beloved, but deceased, relative I will not be getting evicted and am going to be financially okay until I start my new job

[sailorcheese]

god I just want to start my new job already

[sailorcheese]

wouldn’t it be fucking hilarious if I got evicted a week before starting a new job where I’ll make my entire rent in a week and a half

[sailorcheese]

finally got my start date and I only have to deal with two more weeks of customers and truck unloads and general retail bullshit 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I’m so close to being free + tripling my income

[sailorcheese]

I GOT THE JOB I GOT THE JOB I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!

[sailorcheese]

things are soooooo bad right now I literally don’t have food in the apartment like at all

BUT I just passed the first interview for a digital archivist position and I’m going to throw up I’m so giddy

[sailorcheese]

only posting this wip here because this blog is essentially dead due to depression and if I post anywhere else I’ll get self conscious

but this is the first thing I’ve worked on really in months, I probably won’t finish it because my csp license expires in April but whatever, I’m alive, things are bad, hope y’all that are still here are okay

[sailorcheese]

was mildly boastful about my glow up yesterday on Instagram, forgot to post the selfie here

[bob-belcher]