Kellin McKenzie Upcoming Junior at Dalgaard Photographer Bipolar for five years Power: Astrological Physiology Living at Dalgaard with my ferret Spartacus by my side. Now if only we could take over foreign countries sucessfully... Classes: Chemistry, Economics, Literature, Power Control, Power Defense, Art, Theater, Photography If I come off as crude, well, I can't help you there. (Roleplay Blog. I do not advise following unless you're in the roleplay)
I've been having this dream that we could fly
So darling close your eyes
'Cause you're about to miss everything
The night was dark and dim, just like... well, nighttime in LA. Kellin McKenzie had gotten used to this condition from his months of living in this high traffic area. He really wouldn't have expected anything less by now. He shuffled his feet across the pavement, noticing how the slight wind moved his shorts around his thighs. It was getting to be that time of year again: spring time. Kellin enjoyed spring. It was a perfect time for photography and being outdoors. Also, he just loved being able to wear tanks again.
With music blasting through his ears, Kellin tried to drown out the sounds of his recent therapist visit. He absolutely dreaded those. They were a terrible pain and never told him anything good. Although, he knew he shouldn't expect anything good. It wasn't like he was doing anything to help his bi-polar condition. If anything, he was making it worse. As of recent months, he had found himself being very secluded, never really leaving his dorm unless he was required to: food, school, and therapy. That was it. Not even photography gave him the rush he was used to. Nothing really gave him the enjoyment that made Kellin McKenize, well, Kellin McKenzie: the babbling, funny, not so discrete guy that people knew he was. And he knew he that. He knew he was turning into someone different, who that was, though, was a mystery. The therapist told him that he could be acting this way thanks to his disorder. Having type II, he was prone to both manic and depressive episodes, though he never really had the depressive side much.
Song after song played before the boy finally took the time to wonder where he was. He had started walking after is appointment around twilight and now darkness surrounded his body. He took one earbud out and looked around, letting the sound of rushing cars and wind enter his ear drum. To his left, every so often a car seemed to pass, and on his right, was the sound of rushing water from below the bridge. Kellin walked towards the guard rail and looked over. The water looked so calming, almost inviting even. The idea raced in the boy's head: jump. Just do it. The thought made his body freeze. His legs wouldn't move. He couldn't stop looking over it. Nothing could tear his eyes away.
The wind took his black hair and threw it into his eyes, obstructing his view of the waves below. Car after car passed by, agitating his hair along with the wind. With every blow, Kellin adjusting the black strands with his fingers, only to have it be blown back in. Finally, the thought occurred to him to pull down his beanie. "Finally," he thought, as the restlessness of his hair ceased, "a smart idea. Good going, Kellin."
With this new-found common sense, the boy was able to regain motion in his legs. He tried to walk away from the edge, but he couldn't find himself leaving that area. The view, the scene, the thought of "what if" still clouded his mind. So instead of walking, he took a seat right next to the edge and waiting for this feeling to calm down.
The music had stopped helping him a while ago. All it was to him now was background noise. He took the remaining earbud out and wrapped the cord around his iPod, throwing the device back in his pocket. Leaning his head back on the guardrail, he closed his eyes, letting the chilling air and sounds of tires on pavement engulf him with every breath he took. It was kinda of calming to him, just sitting out in the open with nothing on his mind, just letting his thoughts shatter away from him. It was a rare occurrence when his mind wasn't bombarded with thought after thought of random information that he knew in the back of his mind that he didn't need, but every other part of him told him he did. He hated living in the constant state of fear and stupidity he knew he was doomed to. He hated medication; it did nothing for him. He hated everything at that moment, except for the sounds of cars, the rushing wind over his body, and the comfort of knowing that it could all be over with one tip over the ledge.
Kellin shook his head, trying to shake the bad thoughts out of his head. He didn't want to jump. That wasn't who he was. That was bipolar talking, not Kellin McKenzie. Kellin McKenzie knew better. Kellin McKenzie wouldn't worry about anything. Kellin McKenzie would try and fight and take on adversity head on.
Kellin McKenzie was tired of trying.
He reached into the pocket of his shorts, pulling out a small orange bottle. The sight was so familiar; it scared him. "No one should be this familiar with dumping prescription bottles," he scoffed aloud, turning the bottle in his hands like he was reading it. but he wasn't. He didn't care about anything in or on the stupid bottle. He would do what he always did with them: throw the out.
"Take them."
The thought ran through Kellin's head in an instant, out of nowhere.
"Take them. It's that easy."
His eyes glanced through the orange cover into the pills inside. They were tempting. Just throw the whole bottle away into his body and it would be like throwing them out. They would end up in the ground anyway. His hand unscrewed the childproof lid and he threw the cap behind him into the river. It wasn't needed anymore.
There. In one little motion, it could be all over with. He could curl up on the side of the road and never have to deal with bipolar disorder or fear again. But what did he have to fear? Kellin didn't know why he was scared or sad or anything that got him to this point. He didn't know why his mind was telling him to end it. He knew he was better than that, better than some disorder. There was no way he was going to give in to something so controlling.
But giving in was so easy.
Again, he shook his head, trying to escape the thoughts that plagued his mind in vain. No matter how hard he shook, they wouldn't go away. Every little detail of the last few moments were still imprinted into his mind: the orange bottle, the wind, the water, even the type of cars the drove passed, unaware of the inter turmoil that was going on in the boy's mind. Everything was there, sitting in his head, waiting for it to be the last thing he would ever take in.
He stood up, bottle in hand, and looked over the edge of the bridge. He could see the city from there. It was beautiful, a glorious sight Kellin realized he had really missed out on with his head in the clouds. The lights twinkled off each other and everything in there path. The building stood tall and wondrous, a tight pack in a community that made the city shine. It was amazing. Kellin wished he had a camera to capture the perfect image.
The only thing he noticed about the city was the lights blocked out the sky above. Barely a star could be seen, which disappointed the boy slightly. The past year to him was all about what was up there, beyond the atmosphere, that he shared a special connection with. Every planet out there was his for the bidding. He could do whatever he wanted with what they gave him. He could even tell if they were displeased with him, which they seemed to be, seeing as he couldn't connect with any of them, not even Mars, his right-hand planet. He always had a special connection with the red planet, it being the first one he ever attached to. Kellin always knew when Mars wasn't happy with what he was doing based on the amount of power he got, if he got any. Tonight, though, he received nothing. If anything, he felt like he was weak, the bottle in his hand feeling like a thousand pounds. "I'm sorry," he apologized, looking up in the direct he became so familiar with where Mars was. "I guess I'm not as strong as you make me to be."
His head tilted down, looking as the rushing water below. It was as calming as it had been all night, but at the same time, brought a certain fear and anger and sadness. He knew what it would do if he just jumped in, but the thought of doing so kept him there. He took a step forward, closer to the edge of the bridge. All he had to do from there was jump. It was simple.
As he stretched his leg to get on the rail, a force pulled him down to the ground. He yelped, and looked around on his back for what pushed him back. There was nothing. Confused, he got to his knees and fixed his clothing, still looking around for the culprit. His eyes caught the bottle beside where he landed, the contents almost all spilled out. Sighing, he used his hand to scoop them all back in, only to notice the pure white pills were stained with crimson drops of blood. He looked down at his hand, noticing the outline of blood in the lines of his hands. He scoffed, taking off his beanie and trying to wipe his head around the area of his injury. When he tied his hat as best as he could around his hand, he stood back up, only to be knocked down again.
He felt a familiar presence enter his body and he couldn't get up. Something was holding him down. Struggling, he reached out for something to pull himself up with, and felt another presence fill him. His body felt heavy and weighted down. A sharp pain ran through his injured hand as the blood-stained beanie fell off. His eyes looked over and saw the wound quickly healing itself, back to his normal hand. His mind snapped and he knew what was going on.
The planets were attacking him.
Kellin jerked his hand, hoping it would stop the moon from healing him. He knew it was just trying to help, but he didn't want the help. If anything, he was upset with Mars, the obvious thing holding him down. He tapped into Mars' power and fought against him, moving slowly back to his knees. "What are you doing?" he yelled, feeling the pressure of another planet enter him. "Stop!"
"We're helping you," a voice spoke in his mind. Kellin stop resisting, letting Mars take him down to the ground with an agonizing thud. "Kellin, please, reconsider."
Confused, Kellin whispered, "Who are you?" He frantically searched around for the source. "Where are you?"
"Kellin, clam down. We can't stay in you if you aren't calm," the voice explained, as clam as before. "It's Mercury. Let me give you knowledge."
The boy could hear his breath, panting from the effort. "But... how are you... how are you doing this?"
"I'm Mercury. I posses the ability to increase your knowledge. I just increased your ability to hear me," the planet explained. "Please don't fight us. We just want to help. Mars has been concerned about you and he knew we'd have to save you."
Kellin listened carefully to Mercury as he felt Mars loosen up on its grip of his body. He never knew they could use the powers they gave him on him, nor could his body possess more than one. Granted, it was a weight on him.
"Please, just hear us out. We only want what's best for you," Mercury pleaded, although Kellin couldn't tell by the calm of his voice.
"Help me out? Help me out?" he yelled, raising up to a seated position. "You guys have done nothing. Where have you been the past few weeks when all of this was going on? Where have you been my whole life to stop this disorder from happening? You did nothing to help me! You've done nothing to make this horrible feeling go away! I've lived with this constant fear my whole life because of this disorder and you guys have done nothing to make me feel safe! you've done nothing to take this disorder away! Why not? You have the power to, but you've done nothing!"
"Kellin, we have no power over what you were born with," Mercury explaining, trying to calm to the boy.
Kellin felt Mars grip on him tighten, trying to push him back down, but Kellin tapped into Mars, fighting the planet with its own power. "Was born with astrological physiology? Was I born with super strength or healing or knowledge? Was I born with the ability to hear you speak to me? No! I wasn't! You guys gave this to me! you guys did this! Why can't you take something away?" He felt the pressure increase on him, but he knew it wasn't another planet. Mars was trying his best to keep him down, but nothing could stop the boy. He made it to his feet, took a grip on the guardrail and shouted as loud as he could, "Just leave me alone!"
With that, the pressure was taken off. He felt every planet leave him. He pushed them out using the powers he gave him, he knew it. Not even Mars was left. His legs shook in weakness and his hands gripped on the rail trembled. He closed his eyes tight, trying to keep the tears from spilling over, but he couldn't help it. He fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face at what he had just done. "No..." he cried, looking up at the blurry sky. "I didn't mean it... Just... Please don't leave me..." he begged.
Beside his legs, he noticed the tinge of orange. It was the bottle, the bottle that started it all. His eyes narrowed, still filled with tears, as he grabbed it, hearing the crush of the plastic in his hands, as he found the strength the stand up. "Is this what you want?" he yelled, holding the broken plastic above his head. "Is this what you want me to do?" His eyes followed one small pill falling out of his hand and down to the water below with an inaudible plunk that Kellin knew had happened. Watching it fall, he knew what he had to do. He pulled his arm back, gripping the plastic until he could feel the edge cut his hard hands. With a loud grunt, he threw the bottle. feeling it be released from his hands and into the water. His eyes, blurry from the tears, watched it fall and felt a weight lifted from him, not from his power, but from himself. He was able to overcome the pills. They were gone.
The weight he had released came back to him. For a moment, he was afraid, but then he knew what it was. "I'm sorry, Mars," he whispered, feeling the strength flow within him. "I'm so sorry," he cried. The amount of strength grew, which he could only guess was Mars forgiving him. Kellin knew he needed Mars. He need all of the planets, even the ones he hasn't reached yet. And even if it was just Mars attached to him, he knew all of the planets were looking down at him, smiling. If planets could, that is. Kellin didn't know.
He stood up and reached over for his fallen beanie. He knew he shouldn't put it on, feeling the cold blood still splatted on it, so he put it in his pocket, where the pills were. He knew he could have to explain why he threw away his pills, but it didn't matter to him at the moment. He had his planets and that's what mattered.
Not looking, he decided to start walking, feeling Mars still in him. It was a good feeling, having his first planet with him again. It was like he was friends with the planet, although they could never met nor speak. It was there for him.
Lights flashed his shadow into the walls of the bridge to his side. Another car, Kellin realized, but he didn't move. He was on the side; he was safe. He felt Mars strength increase him, which confused the boy. He was safe. He wasn't going to jump. Mars didn't have to worry. A loud horn burst into Kellin's ears as he felt something collide with his back. The horn was replaced by cracking and breaking, and Kellin's body felt numb. Mars' strength increased in him and he felt another pressure enter as he fell to the ground.
The car crashed into the guardrail, stopping it from going off the bridge. The front end was ruined and the windshield was cracked him the impact. The driver, dizzy and disoriented, made his way frantically out of the car, assessing the damages before he noticed the bloody body of the boy laying on the sidewalk. "Oh, my god," he yelled, rushing over to apply aid, but he didn't know. He didn't know what the planets knew. No matter how much Mars tried to make him stronger, and despite all of the healing the moon could provide, it was over.
At age 17, on March 17th, 2013, Kellin Paisley McKenzie was dead.
Some lady had to bring her son with her to her therapy session, so instead of having her take him in with her, I offered to watch him in the waiting room after my appointment. I'm pretty much a little kid. I thought it would be easy.
So long story short, if I'm able to have kids, I will raise him or her to hunt down that boy and seek revenge for me.
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