You’re primal. We get it.
Dominance is not what you do. It’s who you are. It’s something you were born with. The moment you were born the nurse spontaneously came and you slapped the doctor.
You are a beast-god among mere men. You live on a diet of beer and raw gazelle.
Your very presence causes women to succumb in the throes of submissive ecstasy. You need not speak to make your desires known but instead communicate by flexing your aura in Morse code.
You will mark her as yours with a collar made from the tanned hide of a wildebeest you killed with your teeth. It will not be locked onto her but rather sewn in place, as she will never want to remove it. She will be buried in it after her tragic passing from just one explosive orgasm too many.
You will protect her, like the warrior you are, from Visigoths and sabretoothed tigers and the shambling hordes of the mad wizard Abdul Alhazred and Jehovah’s Witnesses. She will kneel, clutching your sculpted calf, secure in the power of your mighty thews.
You will take her to the full limits of her darkest fantasies and beyond, to the darkest fantasies of other people. In fact, you will run out of them in the middle of it and have to run next door to borrow darkest fantasies from the neighbors.
You are everything she will ever need. Her breath. Her meat and drink. Her toothpaste. Her maxipads. Her bacon bits. Her new season of Orange Is The New Black.
You are primal. You are the original man. You are the Alpha of Alphas.
We know because you typed it and posted it on the internet. You do that a lot. Have you noticed that? It’s like, dude, the only thing you ever talk about. Why are you on the computer so much anyway? Shouldn’t you be out wrestling bears or putting out oilwell fires with your abs? Who are you trying so very hard to convince?
Sorry. I did not mean to question your primal primalness. It is, of course, beyond question, something we just know.
This is, after all, The Island of Misfit Narcissists, and you are our king.
(Originally found on Fetlife, written by LonesomeJones; posted to Tumblr with the author’s written permission)
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