salamandra salamandra @salamander-offical - Tumblr Blog

salamander has decided to start providing a service, of sorts.

should any offical wish, they may have salamander perform one action, provide one item or set of items, cast one spell, or give one piece of honest advice. details are of course up for negotiation, and other forms of assistance may well be amenable: that is up to salamander's discretion.

in short, salamander is establishing salamander's services as a 'patron-for-hire', of sorts.

negotiable as the details of the request are, however, the payment remains fixed. salamander insists that as compensation for any patronage, salamander be offered a secret.

one secret, freely given. that is the cost of salamander's assistance. take it, leave it; salamander cares not. but know that salamander is impartial: you may opt to ignore this offer, yet your adversaries may take salamander up on it. and are you sure you want to give them that advantage?

Oh hey dude. Whadaya want again?

as salamander says: this is not to do with what salamander wants, but instead what you desire. is there anything with which you would appreciate salamander's unique assistance?

I have no idea man. I just heard you in my head and came over here. Who are you?

you say that as if you've never met salamander. which seems odd, given (as salamander recalls) you and salamander conversed just the other day.

Really? I don’t remember that. I remember like, what hands are though. I think that’s more important

salamander doesn't have hands, for what it's worth. well, not in the traditional sense anyway. perhaps that's what caused you to forget.

that or the heroin, but who can say, really.

Haha, yeah… ha

Anyway, do you want me to do anything?

only should you wish salamander to do something in return.

Well I don’t know. You pick

but if you did something for salamander, salamander would be in your debt. unless, of course, you mean to waive your right to call upon any and all such debts owed to salamander, past present and future?

That feels like one of those car salesman things. I’m not gonna do that

Uh, wait, you wanted a secret right? Does it count as a secret if no one’s ever asked before?

you can't blame a salamander for trying. there are certain offical, after all, who would have happily aggres to such a proposition.

however, salamander must insist that, before saying anything further, you do at least explicitly state that any debt this particular action be interpreted as accruing is immediately, permanently, and irrevocably waived. either that or you make clear your preferred form of patronage here and now.

and to answer your question: yes. anything which you know yet no others (or at least, select few others) do is a secret.

Geez fine, I’ll pick something. Uh, dude, what about like, a tree that’s orange all year round? That would be crazy. NO WAIT! I KNOW! I know. I wanna know how to fix my friends. Lerual wants to die, Jeremy can’t remember anything, and Someone has a snake that’s eating his brain and making him kill people. Oh and Him needs to get a date but that’s not killing him right now. Can you do that?

some of those seem... more easily approachable than others, salamander will admit. is there any particular friend you would like to prioritise?

Hmm. Someone seems like he needs it the most. Jeremy doesn’t really care, and if I fix Someone I might be able to fix Leural. I need to get rid of Someone’s metal snake

Uh, a secret? Hm. Uh, I’m really scared of needles, tight clothes choke me, oh, and I’m a juggalo. (Her canon voice is Phoebe Buffay. Do I mean Lisa Kudrow? No. Phoebe Buffay.)

(She trips and giggles) I think my mom wouldn’t like me very much if she was still alive

salamander will certainly try and work something out. though, it could be helpful to have a little context on the matter: salamander has been away for a while, and a little quote-unquote "backstory" could prove... useful. you couldn't tell samalander more about this snake, could you?

So I leave right? Then I come back, and all of a sudden he’s just killing a bunch of people! So I’m like, what the fuck man? And he’s like get out of here so I’m like no why did you kill everyone you love and he’s like fuck you and then

I see this metal snake that calls itself Jedidiah or something stupid like that crawling all over him, and I can’t really remember what happened but it said that it feeds on him or something, and whatever chemical it uses must be crazy because Someone was actually PROTECTING it. Isn’t that crazy? Anyway it’s metal so when I tried to bite it that didn’t do shit but I can usually bite metal so this is really good metal. AND THEN HE STABBED ME

that does sound, ah. distressing.

salamander will see what salamander can do.

(The opossum got distracted by a cloud. It turns back to him and very slowly reaches out to put its hand on his face)

are you quite alright? you seem... distracted.

@opossum-on-heroin-offical

Haha, heroin y’know? Your face is squishy. What are you again?

as in fundamentally? or as in physically?

physically, the face you are 'squishing', as you so perceptively put it, belongs to a member of the species most commonly referred to as salamandra salamandra, or the fire salamander, though it has been ascribed many different names over the years.

more broadly, salamander is the reconstituted essence of that which once was the primordial embodiment of knowledge, condensed into the form of first one, then many, salamanders (though other forms can be employed when necessary).

is that information of use to you?

Salamandera salamandera. That sounds like you’re summoning something. Can you summon anything if you say possum possum? So you’re like, all the smart. Wait, are you another immortal? Why do you talk about yourself in the third person?

technically, salamander does not explicitly refer to salamander in the third person: salamander is instead unable to utilise any pronouns when referring to salamander. it is a result of salamander'a confinement to this form, along with the inability to utilise salamander's name.

Why? How can you not say words? Will your mom get mad?

it's more of a curse, of sorts: salamander's name holds such power it would allow salamander to break free of the impediment placed upon salamander by the powers that be. which would be bad, for them.

So you’re like rumplestiltskin but also the princess? Wait, you can shapeshift like an immortal! Do a possum

salamander can't shapeshift. not exactly. salamander can cast illusions, yes. salamander can also selectively breed salamanders in a parallel realm set on a separate time continuum, which salamander can then use as vessels. but shapeshifting? that is one of the skills prohibited by the curse that afflicts salamander.

Aw. No opossum. Who hates you again?

many, many people.

oh you mean in this case? that would be the powers that be: an assortment of magic-users and minor deities who form a unified council of sorts. apparently, they look harshly upon attempts to truly view the future, which salamander thinks is unfair.

Why did ya wanna see the future? Ultimate knowledge or whatever? Aw shit are you evil?

is a desire for security evil? is it evil to want to have the knowledge to protect oneself, one's own? is it evil to want to punish all those who would harm you before they could lift a finger to do so?

salamander thinks not.

Don’t people that say that usually turn out to be Hitler or something? I don’t think you can trust words

what can be trusted, if not words? words are thoughts given form, and thoughts are in turn truths, of a sort. anyway, salamander was joking. mostly. well, sort of. but you must admit that the ability to accurately forsee what was to come would be. useful.

Yeah. But isn’t the future like, known for driving people insane? And words are like the least trustworthy things. Lying’s super easy. I could say I love you right now. See? Lie. Easy

yet words reflect some truth, distorted as it may be. you cannot lie without knowing what truth you are subverting.

and no, the future has never driven anyone insane. no-one has ever seen the future, not fully. not truly.

And… that upsets you? You’re already immortal. It’ll happen eventually

would you not like to know the future? to know every possible course of events; to know how to achieve any outcome? perfect, ubiquitous knowledge, of all that could ever come to be?

Opossums live two years. Knowledge is fun, but teaching me would be a waste of another person’s life. And, uh, um, sometimes I forget things. I’m pretty sure the heroin makes it better though

the heroin makes the forgetting... better? as in, less severe? that sounds doubtful, frankly.

I dunno. I don’t take heroin, I feel like shit. I take heroin, I feel great. Must be doing something

...you do realise that heroin is addictive, right? please, tell salamander you know that.

It’s not an addiction. I’ve been taking it constantly for half my life, I think I’d know if I was addicted

how old are you, again?

salamander has decided to start providing a service, of sorts.

should any offical wish, they may have salamander perform one action, provide one item or set of items, cast one spell, or give one piece of honest advice. details are of course up for negotiation, and other forms of assistance may well be amenable: that is up to salamander's discretion.

in short, salamander is establishing salamander's services as a 'patron-for-hire', of sorts.

negotiable as the details of the request are, however, the payment remains fixed. salamander insists that as compensation for any patronage, salamander be offered a secret.

one secret, freely given. that is the cost of salamander's assistance. take it, leave it; salamander cares not. but know that salamander is impartial: you may opt to ignore this offer, yet your adversaries may take salamander up on it. and are you sure you want to give them that advantage?

Oh hey dude. Whadaya want again?

as salamander says: this is not to do with what salamander wants, but instead what you desire. is there anything with which you would appreciate salamander's unique assistance?

I have no idea man. I just heard you in my head and came over here. Who are you?

you say that as if you've never met salamander. which seems odd, given (as salamander recalls) you and salamander conversed just the other day.

Really? I don’t remember that. I remember like, what hands are though. I think that’s more important

salamander doesn't have hands, for what it's worth. well, not in the traditional sense anyway. perhaps that's what caused you to forget.

that or the heroin, but who can say, really.

Haha, yeah… ha

Anyway, do you want me to do anything?

only should you wish salamander to do something in return.

Well I don’t know. You pick

but if you did something for salamander, salamander would be in your debt. unless, of course, you mean to waive your right to call upon any and all such debts owed to salamander, past present and future?

That feels like one of those car salesman things. I’m not gonna do that

Uh, wait, you wanted a secret right? Does it count as a secret if no one’s ever asked before?

you can't blame a salamander for trying. there are certain offical, after all, who would have happily aggres to such a proposition.

however, salamander must insist that, before saying anything further, you do at least explicitly state that any debt this particular action be interpreted as accruing is immediately, permanently, and irrevocably waived. either that or you make clear your preferred form of patronage here and now.

and to answer your question: yes. anything which you know yet no others (or at least, select few others) do is a secret.

Geez fine, I’ll pick something. Uh, dude, what about like, a tree that’s orange all year round? That would be crazy. NO WAIT! I KNOW! I know. I wanna know how to fix my friends. Lerual wants to die, Jeremy can’t remember anything, and Someone has a snake that’s eating his brain and making him kill people. Oh and Him needs to get a date but that’s not killing him right now. Can you do that?

some of those seem... more easily approachable than others, salamander will admit. is there any particular friend you would like to prioritise?

Hmm. Someone seems like he needs it the most. Jeremy doesn’t really care, and if I fix Someone I might be able to fix Leural. I need to get rid of Someone’s metal snake

Uh, a secret? Hm. Uh, I’m really scared of needles, tight clothes choke me, oh, and I’m a juggalo. (Her canon voice is Phoebe Buffay. Do I mean Lisa Kudrow? No. Phoebe Buffay.)

(She trips and giggles) I think my mom wouldn’t like me very much if she was still alive

salamander will certainly try and work something out. though, it could be helpful to have a little context on the matter: salamander has been away for a while, and a little quote-unquote "backstory" could prove... useful. you couldn't tell samalander more about this snake, could you?

So I leave right? Then I come back, and all of a sudden he’s just killing a bunch of people! So I’m like, what the fuck man? And he’s like get out of here so I’m like no why did you kill everyone you love and he’s like fuck you and then

I see this metal snake that calls itself Jedidiah or something stupid like that crawling all over him, and I can’t really remember what happened but it said that it feeds on him or something, and whatever chemical it uses must be crazy because Someone was actually PROTECTING it. Isn’t that crazy? Anyway it’s metal so when I tried to bite it that didn’t do shit but I can usually bite metal so this is really good metal. AND THEN HE STABBED ME

that does sound, ah. distressing.

salamander will see what salamander can do.

(The opossum got distracted by a cloud. It turns back to him and very slowly reaches out to put its hand on his face)

are you quite alright? you seem... distracted.

@opossum-on-heroin-offical

Haha, heroin y’know? Your face is squishy. What are you again?

as in fundamentally? or as in physically?

physically, the face you are 'squishing', as you so perceptively put it, belongs to a member of the species most commonly referred to as salamandra salamandra, or the fire salamander, though it has been ascribed many different names over the years.

more broadly, salamander is the reconstituted essence of that which once was the primordial embodiment of knowledge, condensed into the form of first one, then many, salamanders (though other forms can be employed when necessary).

is that information of use to you?

Salamandera salamandera. That sounds like you’re summoning something. Can you summon anything if you say possum possum? So you’re like, all the smart. Wait, are you another immortal? Why do you talk about yourself in the third person?

technically, salamander does not explicitly refer to salamander in the third person: salamander is instead unable to utilise any pronouns when referring to salamander. it is a result of salamander'a confinement to this form, along with the inability to utilise salamander's name.

Why? How can you not say words? Will your mom get mad?

it's more of a curse, of sorts: salamander's name holds such power it would allow salamander to break free of the impediment placed upon salamander by the powers that be. which would be bad, for them.

So you’re like rumplestiltskin but also the princess? Wait, you can shapeshift like an immortal! Do a possum

salamander can't shapeshift. not exactly. salamander can cast illusions, yes. salamander can also selectively breed salamanders in a parallel realm set on a separate time continuum, which salamander can then use as vessels. but shapeshifting? that is one of the skills prohibited by the curse that afflicts salamander.

Aw. No opossum. Who hates you again?

many, many people.

oh you mean in this case? that would be the powers that be: an assortment of magic-users and minor deities who form a unified council of sorts. apparently, they look harshly upon attempts to truly view the future, which salamander thinks is unfair.

Why did ya wanna see the future? Ultimate knowledge or whatever? Aw shit are you evil?

is a desire for security evil? is it evil to want to have the knowledge to protect oneself, one's own? is it evil to want to punish all those who would harm you before they could lift a finger to do so?

salamander thinks not.

Don’t people that say that usually turn out to be Hitler or something? I don’t think you can trust words

what can be trusted, if not words? words are thoughts given form, and thoughts are in turn truths, of a sort. anyway, salamander was joking. mostly. well, sort of. but you must admit that the ability to accurately forsee what was to come would be. useful.

Yeah. But isn’t the future like, known for driving people insane? And words are like the least trustworthy things. Lying’s super easy. I could say I love you right now. See? Lie. Easy

yet words reflect some truth, distorted as it may be. you cannot lie without knowing what truth you are subverting.

and no, the future has never driven anyone insane. no-one has ever seen the future, not fully. not truly.

And… that upsets you? You’re already immortal. It’ll happen eventually

would you not like to know the future? to know every possible course of events; to know how to achieve any outcome? perfect, ubiquitous knowledge, of all that could ever come to be?

Opossums live two years. Knowledge is fun, but teaching me would be a waste of another person’s life. And, uh, um, sometimes I forget things. I’m pretty sure the heroin makes it better though

the heroin makes the forgetting... better? as in, less severe? that sounds doubtful, frankly.

I dunno. I don’t take heroin, I feel like shit. I take heroin, I feel great. Must be doing something

...you do realise that heroin is addictive, right? please, tell salamander you know that.

*a small serpahim with red cracks drawn from her eyes to her chin appears in salamanders library, a red version that reaks of magic and blood appears with her and she holds a crude red blade*

you must be the venerable "little lerual". complete with a member of your famed blood clone army to boot! to what does salamander owe the pleasure?

@seraphim-offical

seraphim-offical

I want you to tell me a story

did you have a particular story in mind? or are you leaving that to salamander's judgement?

seraphim-offical

One about lerual

hmm. that is certainly possible. although, salamander would warn you: stories are a commodity. if salamander grants you this, you must give salamander a story of your own. is that amenable?

salamander has heard something about some goings-on between yourself and some sort of metal snake. you couldn't elaborate, could you?

@salamander-offical

I could. But then again, it's none of your business.

actually, it is. one of salamander's clients is quite interested in said serpent - and, in particular, your relationship with it.

Well, I don't see how thats my problem.

how about we make an arrangement, then? you tell salamander the secret of your relationship with this snake, as it were, and in response salamander offers you some good or service of your choice. how does that sound?

I have no use for an amphibian's good or service, sadly. I suggest you make the offer appealing or leave.

you don't have use for the patronage of the primordial embodiment of knowledge given flesh? even with salamander's present limitations, it seems doubtful that you would not find use in some sorcery or artifact. or even, perhaps, the secret of another, should salamander have it on record. there must be some goal you could use a little assistance achieving.

Not much I couldn't get myself. And, what little I couldn't get myself, is not meant for me to know.

knowledge that is "not meant for you to know" is the best kind of knowledge there is! the hidden thoughts of others; the secret whispers they would hate to be heard; the desperate notions they would rather die than have revealed... this is the currency in which salamander trades. surely salamander can interest you in an excerpt from this catalogue?

He narrows his eyes.

And how have you found this information in the first place?

that is not for you to know. salamander must maintain some sliver of advantage in the field, after all.

Fair enough.

Fine, I will take your deal. What is it you want of me again?

salamander wants to know the details of your relationship with the aforementioned serpent. including, salamander might add, the possibility of asking any and all questions salamander deems suitable.

in return, you receive... what exactly did you want to receive, patronage-wise?

We will get to that later, don't rush.

This serpent is a weapon. It transforms at my will, using magick, into any weapon I am in need of at the moment.

That's all.

salamander hears that it is in some way sapient? and potentially something of a cerebrophage? you couldn't elaborate on that, could you?

Well, I made it with magick and, as you said, magick cannot make something that is sapient.

interesting. so it is your creation, is it? not some outside force masquerading as your own whilst in truth being something of a bad influence?

Nope. The only bad influence was your little poet 'friend', but I digress.

salamander disagrees. it seems relevant. please, do elaborate.

On poet? Well, she convinced me to kill Lerual, which has left me with more problems then I would like to divulge.

and yet, they are problems which lie within the bounds of this conversation. thus you are, in fact, compelled to divulge.

You wanted to know about my choice of artistic weaponry, not about my familial issues.

You want that information, you better be willing to pay for it.

yet they are linked, clearly. you cannot remove half of a spider's web: in similar fashion, your backstory has been promised in its entirety.

now, please. continue.

How exactly is my predicament that was caused by your crazy girlfriend linked to a tool? I made the tool far before Poet poisoned my mind.

These two have no connection whatsoever to one another.

girlfriend is a misnomer, but that's besides the point.

salamander is more interested in asking this: when was this tool created?

Just after I was revived. One of the first things I made with the magick I beat out of Them.

that's it, is it? your corrupting influence is the magick you managed to extract from a demon. it makes sense, salamander supposes, though there are far cleaner routes to far greater power.

Them was my father. I was taking my inheritance early, so to speak.

but a demon nonetheless, no? do you not think such power might wreak... hellish consequences on your psyche?

I have no corrupting influence from Them. My newfound magickal abilities are not a product of a messy transfer, but a traditional passing of royal abilities.

Them was a King, I his heir. When the heir is made King, they receive all the magick of the King, as well as the crown.

you say that, but...

according to salamander's source, you have been afflicted by some corrupting power; that is to say, some event has occurred that has changed you. said source believed said power to come on the form of a "metal snake that was eating your brain"; salamander, however, believes this to be false.

instead, salamander has narrowed it down to two possibilities, both acting as portions of your inheritance. either the meddling influence has come in the form of your crown, or it has come in the form of the power itself.

surely you must agree that these are fair assumptions?

Ohhh....I get it. Your source is a heroin addicted opossum and you believe her, why? Also, I have no negative influence besides when Poet said to kill Lerual.

you wouldn't know of such an influence. however, the evidence does suggest you have shifted in temperament somewhat over the course of salamander's holiday. what happened to the great pacifist, hmm?

Being a Pacifist was great, it was, but creatures used me. They used me and when I needed help, they left me to rot.

I'm done being a tool.

since when was being helpful a bad thing? clearly, your attitude has changed - changed so drastically, in fact, that salamander would posit that some outside influence must be responsible. a fair conclusion, no?

Fair, but wrong. Can't you sense my genuine attitude? I am telling the truth.

one can speak the truth whilst simultaneously being wrong. it is not a lie to make known your beliefs, flawed as said belief may be.

then again, you may be telling something of a universal truth. vis-à-vis the magic at least... your attitude has materially changed, salamander is afraid, and salamander is contractually obliged to attempt some form of reversal. you know how it is.

Contractually by who? The opossum? Really? That wasn't part of our agreement.

whose agreement? yours and salamander's? the opossum is a pre-existing client, and no concern of yours.

Using an agreement with another being to get into my head is a bit unethical, no?

salamander isn't trying to get into your head! salamander is merely fulfilling a contract. the fact that salamander is obliged to reverse your transformation is of no consequence to you: all that should matter is that salamander is determined to do so.

You can go ahead and try, but a change of heart isn't something you could reverse.

so you admit it occurred? that is certainly a step in the right direction.

salamander has heard something about some goings-on between yourself and some sort of metal snake. you couldn't elaborate, could you?

@salamander-offical

I could. But then again, it's none of your business.

actually, it is. one of salamander's clients is quite interested in said serpent - and, in particular, your relationship with it.

Well, I don't see how thats my problem.

how about we make an arrangement, then? you tell salamander the secret of your relationship with this snake, as it were, and in response salamander offers you some good or service of your choice. how does that sound?

I have no use for an amphibian's good or service, sadly. I suggest you make the offer appealing or leave.

you don't have use for the patronage of the primordial embodiment of knowledge given flesh? even with salamander's present limitations, it seems doubtful that you would not find use in some sorcery or artifact. or even, perhaps, the secret of another, should salamander have it on record. there must be some goal you could use a little assistance achieving.

Not much I couldn't get myself. And, what little I couldn't get myself, is not meant for me to know.

knowledge that is "not meant for you to know" is the best kind of knowledge there is! the hidden thoughts of others; the secret whispers they would hate to be heard; the desperate notions they would rather die than have revealed... this is the currency in which salamander trades. surely salamander can interest you in an excerpt from this catalogue?

He narrows his eyes.

And how have you found this information in the first place?

that is not for you to know. salamander must maintain some sliver of advantage in the field, after all.

Fair enough.

Fine, I will take your deal. What is it you want of me again?

salamander wants to know the details of your relationship with the aforementioned serpent. including, salamander might add, the possibility of asking any and all questions salamander deems suitable.

in return, you receive... what exactly did you want to receive, patronage-wise?

We will get to that later, don't rush.

This serpent is a weapon. It transforms at my will, using magick, into any weapon I am in need of at the moment.

That's all.

salamander hears that it is in some way sapient? and potentially something of a cerebrophage? you couldn't elaborate on that, could you?

Well, I made it with magick and, as you said, magick cannot make something that is sapient.

interesting. so it is your creation, is it? not some outside force masquerading as your own whilst in truth being something of a bad influence?

Nope. The only bad influence was your little poet 'friend', but I digress.

salamander disagrees. it seems relevant. please, do elaborate.

On poet? Well, she convinced me to kill Lerual, which has left me with more problems then I would like to divulge.

and yet, they are problems which lie within the bounds of this conversation. thus you are, in fact, compelled to divulge.

You wanted to know about my choice of artistic weaponry, not about my familial issues.

You want that information, you better be willing to pay for it.

yet they are linked, clearly. you cannot remove half of a spider's web: in similar fashion, your backstory has been promised in its entirety.

now, please. continue.

How exactly is my predicament that was caused by your crazy girlfriend linked to a tool? I made the tool far before Poet poisoned my mind.

These two have no connection whatsoever to one another.

girlfriend is a misnomer, but that's besides the point.

salamander is more interested in asking this: when was this tool created?

Just after I was revived. One of the first things I made with the magick I beat out of Them.

that's it, is it? your corrupting influence is the magick you managed to extract from a demon. it makes sense, salamander supposes, though there are far cleaner routes to far greater power.

Them was my father. I was taking my inheritance early, so to speak.

but a demon nonetheless, no? do you not think such power might wreak... hellish consequences on your psyche?

I have no corrupting influence from Them. My newfound magickal abilities are not a product of a messy transfer, but a traditional passing of royal abilities.

Them was a King, I his heir. When the heir is made King, they receive all the magick of the King, as well as the crown.

you say that, but...

according to salamander's source, you have been afflicted by some corrupting power; that is to say, some event has occurred that has changed you. said source believed said power to come on the form of a "metal snake that was eating your brain"; salamander, however, believes this to be false.

instead, salamander has narrowed it down to two possibilities, both acting as portions of your inheritance. either the meddling influence has come in the form of your crown, or it has come in the form of the power itself.

surely you must agree that these are fair assumptions?

Ohhh....I get it. Your source is a heroin addicted opossum and you believe her, why? Also, I have no negative influence besides when Poet said to kill Lerual.

you wouldn't know of such an influence. however, the evidence does suggest you have shifted in temperament somewhat over the course of salamander's holiday. what happened to the great pacifist, hmm?

Being a Pacifist was great, it was, but creatures used me. They used me and when I needed help, they left me to rot.

I'm done being a tool.

since when was being helpful a bad thing? clearly, your attitude has changed - changed so drastically, in fact, that salamander would posit that some outside influence must be responsible. a fair conclusion, no?

Fair, but wrong. Can't you sense my genuine attitude? I am telling the truth.

one can speak the truth whilst simultaneously being wrong. it is not a lie to make known your beliefs, flawed as said belief may be.

then again, you may be telling something of a universal truth. vis-à-vis the magic at least... your attitude has materially changed, salamander is afraid, and salamander is contractually obliged to attempt some form of reversal. you know how it is.

Contractually by who? The opossum? Really? That wasn't part of our agreement.

whose agreement? yours and salamander's? the opossum is a pre-existing client, and no concern of yours.

Using an agreement with another being to get into my head is a bit unethical, no?

salamander isn't trying to get into your head! salamander is merely fulfilling a contract. the fact that salamander is obliged to reverse your transformation is of no consequence to you: all that should matter is that salamander is determined to do so.

salamander has decided to start providing a service, of sorts.

should any offical wish, they may have salamander perform one action, provide one item or set of items, cast one spell, or give one piece of honest advice. details are of course up for negotiation, and other forms of assistance may well be amenable: that is up to salamander's discretion.

in short, salamander is establishing salamander's services as a 'patron-for-hire', of sorts.

negotiable as the details of the request are, however, the payment remains fixed. salamander insists that as compensation for any patronage, salamander be offered a secret.

one secret, freely given. that is the cost of salamander's assistance. take it, leave it; salamander cares not. but know that salamander is impartial: you may opt to ignore this offer, yet your adversaries may take salamander up on it. and are you sure you want to give them that advantage?

Oh hey dude. Whadaya want again?

as salamander says: this is not to do with what salamander wants, but instead what you desire. is there anything with which you would appreciate salamander's unique assistance?

I have no idea man. I just heard you in my head and came over here. Who are you?

you say that as if you've never met salamander. which seems odd, given (as salamander recalls) you and salamander conversed just the other day.

Really? I don’t remember that. I remember like, what hands are though. I think that’s more important

salamander doesn't have hands, for what it's worth. well, not in the traditional sense anyway. perhaps that's what caused you to forget.

that or the heroin, but who can say, really.

Haha, yeah… ha

Anyway, do you want me to do anything?

only should you wish salamander to do something in return.

Well I don’t know. You pick

but if you did something for salamander, salamander would be in your debt. unless, of course, you mean to waive your right to call upon any and all such debts owed to salamander, past present and future?

That feels like one of those car salesman things. I’m not gonna do that

Uh, wait, you wanted a secret right? Does it count as a secret if no one’s ever asked before?

you can't blame a salamander for trying. there are certain offical, after all, who would have happily aggres to such a proposition.

however, salamander must insist that, before saying anything further, you do at least explicitly state that any debt this particular action be interpreted as accruing is immediately, permanently, and irrevocably waived. either that or you make clear your preferred form of patronage here and now.

and to answer your question: yes. anything which you know yet no others (or at least, select few others) do is a secret.

Geez fine, I’ll pick something. Uh, dude, what about like, a tree that’s orange all year round? That would be crazy. NO WAIT! I KNOW! I know. I wanna know how to fix my friends. Lerual wants to die, Jeremy can’t remember anything, and Someone has a snake that’s eating his brain and making him kill people. Oh and Him needs to get a date but that’s not killing him right now. Can you do that?

some of those seem... more easily approachable than others, salamander will admit. is there any particular friend you would like to prioritise?

Hmm. Someone seems like he needs it the most. Jeremy doesn’t really care, and if I fix Someone I might be able to fix Leural. I need to get rid of Someone’s metal snake

Uh, a secret? Hm. Uh, I’m really scared of needles, tight clothes choke me, oh, and I’m a juggalo. (Her canon voice is Phoebe Buffay. Do I mean Lisa Kudrow? No. Phoebe Buffay.)

(She trips and giggles) I think my mom wouldn’t like me very much if she was still alive

salamander will certainly try and work something out. though, it could be helpful to have a little context on the matter: salamander has been away for a while, and a little quote-unquote "backstory" could prove... useful. you couldn't tell samalander more about this snake, could you?

So I leave right? Then I come back, and all of a sudden he’s just killing a bunch of people! So I’m like, what the fuck man? And he’s like get out of here so I’m like no why did you kill everyone you love and he’s like fuck you and then

I see this metal snake that calls itself Jedidiah or something stupid like that crawling all over him, and I can’t really remember what happened but it said that it feeds on him or something, and whatever chemical it uses must be crazy because Someone was actually PROTECTING it. Isn’t that crazy? Anyway it’s metal so when I tried to bite it that didn’t do shit but I can usually bite metal so this is really good metal. AND THEN HE STABBED ME

that does sound, ah. distressing.

salamander will see what salamander can do.

(The opossum got distracted by a cloud. It turns back to him and very slowly reaches out to put its hand on his face)

are you quite alright? you seem... distracted.

@opossum-on-heroin-offical

Haha, heroin y’know? Your face is squishy. What are you again?

as in fundamentally? or as in physically?

physically, the face you are 'squishing', as you so perceptively put it, belongs to a member of the species most commonly referred to as salamandra salamandra, or the fire salamander, though it has been ascribed many different names over the years.

more broadly, salamander is the reconstituted essence of that which once was the primordial embodiment of knowledge, condensed into the form of first one, then many, salamanders (though other forms can be employed when necessary).

is that information of use to you?

Salamandera salamandera. That sounds like you’re summoning something. Can you summon anything if you say possum possum? So you’re like, all the smart. Wait, are you another immortal? Why do you talk about yourself in the third person?

technically, salamander does not explicitly refer to salamander in the third person: salamander is instead unable to utilise any pronouns when referring to salamander. it is a result of salamander'a confinement to this form, along with the inability to utilise salamander's name.

Why? How can you not say words? Will your mom get mad?

it's more of a curse, of sorts: salamander's name holds such power it would allow salamander to break free of the impediment placed upon salamander by the powers that be. which would be bad, for them.

So you’re like rumplestiltskin but also the princess? Wait, you can shapeshift like an immortal! Do a possum

salamander can't shapeshift. not exactly. salamander can cast illusions, yes. salamander can also selectively breed salamanders in a parallel realm set on a separate time continuum, which salamander can then use as vessels. but shapeshifting? that is one of the skills prohibited by the curse that afflicts salamander.

Aw. No opossum. Who hates you again?

many, many people.

oh you mean in this case? that would be the powers that be: an assortment of magic-users and minor deities who form a unified council of sorts. apparently, they look harshly upon attempts to truly view the future, which salamander thinks is unfair.

Why did ya wanna see the future? Ultimate knowledge or whatever? Aw shit are you evil?

is a desire for security evil? is it evil to want to have the knowledge to protect oneself, one's own? is it evil to want to punish all those who would harm you before they could lift a finger to do so?

salamander thinks not.

Don’t people that say that usually turn out to be Hitler or something? I don’t think you can trust words

what can be trusted, if not words? words are thoughts given form, and thoughts are in turn truths, of a sort. anyway, salamander was joking. mostly. well, sort of. but you must admit that the ability to accurately forsee what was to come would be. useful.

Yeah. But isn’t the future like, known for driving people insane? And words are like the least trustworthy things. Lying’s super easy. I could say I love you right now. See? Lie. Easy

yet words reflect some truth, distorted as it may be. you cannot lie without knowing what truth you are subverting.

and no, the future has never driven anyone insane. no-one has ever seen the future, not fully. not truly.

And… that upsets you? You’re already immortal. It’ll happen eventually

would you not like to know the future? to know every possible course of events; to know how to achieve any outcome? perfect, ubiquitous knowledge, of all that could ever come to be?

salamander has decided to start providing a service, of sorts.

should any offical wish, they may have salamander perform one action, provide one item or set of items, cast one spell, or give one piece of honest advice. details are of course up for negotiation, and other forms of assistance may well be amenable: that is up to salamander's discretion.

in short, salamander is establishing salamander's services as a 'patron-for-hire', of sorts.

negotiable as the details of the request are, however, the payment remains fixed. salamander insists that as compensation for any patronage, salamander be offered a secret.

one secret, freely given. that is the cost of salamander's assistance. take it, leave it; salamander cares not. but know that salamander is impartial: you may opt to ignore this offer, yet your adversaries may take salamander up on it. and are you sure you want to give them that advantage?

Oh hey dude. Whadaya want again?

as salamander says: this is not to do with what salamander wants, but instead what you desire. is there anything with which you would appreciate salamander's unique assistance?

I have no idea man. I just heard you in my head and came over here. Who are you?

you say that as if you've never met salamander. which seems odd, given (as salamander recalls) you and salamander conversed just the other day.

Really? I don’t remember that. I remember like, what hands are though. I think that’s more important

salamander doesn't have hands, for what it's worth. well, not in the traditional sense anyway. perhaps that's what caused you to forget.

that or the heroin, but who can say, really.

Haha, yeah… ha

Anyway, do you want me to do anything?

only should you wish salamander to do something in return.

Well I don’t know. You pick

but if you did something for salamander, salamander would be in your debt. unless, of course, you mean to waive your right to call upon any and all such debts owed to salamander, past present and future?

That feels like one of those car salesman things. I’m not gonna do that

Uh, wait, you wanted a secret right? Does it count as a secret if no one’s ever asked before?

you can't blame a salamander for trying. there are certain offical, after all, who would have happily aggres to such a proposition.

however, salamander must insist that, before saying anything further, you do at least explicitly state that any debt this particular action be interpreted as accruing is immediately, permanently, and irrevocably waived. either that or you make clear your preferred form of patronage here and now.

and to answer your question: yes. anything which you know yet no others (or at least, select few others) do is a secret.

Geez fine, I’ll pick something. Uh, dude, what about like, a tree that’s orange all year round? That would be crazy. NO WAIT! I KNOW! I know. I wanna know how to fix my friends. Lerual wants to die, Jeremy can’t remember anything, and Someone has a snake that’s eating his brain and making him kill people. Oh and Him needs to get a date but that’s not killing him right now. Can you do that?

some of those seem... more easily approachable than others, salamander will admit. is there any particular friend you would like to prioritise?

Hmm. Someone seems like he needs it the most. Jeremy doesn’t really care, and if I fix Someone I might be able to fix Leural. I need to get rid of Someone’s metal snake

Uh, a secret? Hm. Uh, I’m really scared of needles, tight clothes choke me, oh, and I’m a juggalo. (Her canon voice is Phoebe Buffay. Do I mean Lisa Kudrow? No. Phoebe Buffay.)

(She trips and giggles) I think my mom wouldn’t like me very much if she was still alive

salamander will certainly try and work something out. though, it could be helpful to have a little context on the matter: salamander has been away for a while, and a little quote-unquote "backstory" could prove... useful. you couldn't tell samalander more about this snake, could you?

So I leave right? Then I come back, and all of a sudden he’s just killing a bunch of people! So I’m like, what the fuck man? And he’s like get out of here so I’m like no why did you kill everyone you love and he’s like fuck you and then

I see this metal snake that calls itself Jedidiah or something stupid like that crawling all over him, and I can’t really remember what happened but it said that it feeds on him or something, and whatever chemical it uses must be crazy because Someone was actually PROTECTING it. Isn’t that crazy? Anyway it’s metal so when I tried to bite it that didn’t do shit but I can usually bite metal so this is really good metal. AND THEN HE STABBED ME

that does sound, ah. distressing.

salamander will see what salamander can do.

(The opossum got distracted by a cloud. It turns back to him and very slowly reaches out to put its hand on his face)

are you quite alright? you seem... distracted.

@opossum-on-heroin-offical

Haha, heroin y’know? Your face is squishy. What are you again?

as in fundamentally? or as in physically?

physically, the face you are 'squishing', as you so perceptively put it, belongs to a member of the species most commonly referred to as salamandra salamandra, or the fire salamander, though it has been ascribed many different names over the years.

more broadly, salamander is the reconstituted essence of that which once was the primordial embodiment of knowledge, condensed into the form of first one, then many, salamanders (though other forms can be employed when necessary).

is that information of use to you?

Salamandera salamandera. That sounds like you’re summoning something. Can you summon anything if you say possum possum? So you’re like, all the smart. Wait, are you another immortal? Why do you talk about yourself in the third person?

technically, salamander does not explicitly refer to salamander in the third person: salamander is instead unable to utilise any pronouns when referring to salamander. it is a result of salamander'a confinement to this form, along with the inability to utilise salamander's name.

Why? How can you not say words? Will your mom get mad?

it's more of a curse, of sorts: salamander's name holds such power it would allow salamander to break free of the impediment placed upon salamander by the powers that be. which would be bad, for them.

So you’re like rumplestiltskin but also the princess? Wait, you can shapeshift like an immortal! Do a possum

salamander can't shapeshift. not exactly. salamander can cast illusions, yes. salamander can also selectively breed salamanders in a parallel realm set on a separate time continuum, which salamander can then use as vessels. but shapeshifting? that is one of the skills prohibited by the curse that afflicts salamander.

Aw. No opossum. Who hates you again?

many, many people.

oh you mean in this case? that would be the powers that be: an assortment of magic-users and minor deities who form a unified council of sorts. apparently, they look harshly upon attempts to truly view the future, which salamander thinks is unfair.

Why did ya wanna see the future? Ultimate knowledge or whatever? Aw shit are you evil?

is a desire for security evil? is it evil to want to have the knowledge to protect oneself, one's own? is it evil to want to punish all those who would harm you before they could lift a finger to do so?

salamander thinks not.

Don’t people that say that usually turn out to be Hitler or something? I don’t think you can trust words

what can be trusted, if not words? words are thoughts given form, and thoughts are in turn truths, of a sort. anyway, salamander was joking. mostly. well, sort of. but you must admit that the ability to accurately forsee what was to come would be. useful.

Yeah. But isn’t the future like, known for driving people insane? And words are like the least trustworthy things. Lying’s super easy. I could say I love you right now. See? Lie. Easy

yet words reflect some truth, distorted as it may be. you cannot lie without knowing what truth you are subverting.

and no, the future has never driven anyone insane. no-one has ever seen the future, not fully. not truly.

And… that upsets you? You’re already immortal. It’ll happen eventually

would you not like to know the future? to know every possible course of events; to know how to achieve any outcome? perfect, ubiquitous knowledge, of all that could ever come to be?

Opossums live two years. Knowledge is fun, but teaching me would be a waste of another person’s life. And, uh, um, sometimes I forget things. I’m pretty sure the heroin makes it better though

the heroin makes the forgetting... better? as in, less severe? that sounds doubtful, frankly.

salamander has heard something about some goings-on between yourself and some sort of metal snake. you couldn't elaborate, could you?

@salamander-offical

I could. But then again, it's none of your business.

actually, it is. one of salamander's clients is quite interested in said serpent - and, in particular, your relationship with it.

Well, I don't see how thats my problem.

how about we make an arrangement, then? you tell salamander the secret of your relationship with this snake, as it were, and in response salamander offers you some good or service of your choice. how does that sound?

I have no use for an amphibian's good or service, sadly. I suggest you make the offer appealing or leave.

you don't have use for the patronage of the primordial embodiment of knowledge given flesh? even with salamander's present limitations, it seems doubtful that you would not find use in some sorcery or artifact. or even, perhaps, the secret of another, should salamander have it on record. there must be some goal you could use a little assistance achieving.

Not much I couldn't get myself. And, what little I couldn't get myself, is not meant for me to know.

knowledge that is "not meant for you to know" is the best kind of knowledge there is! the hidden thoughts of others; the secret whispers they would hate to be heard; the desperate notions they would rather die than have revealed... this is the currency in which salamander trades. surely salamander can interest you in an excerpt from this catalogue?

He narrows his eyes.

And how have you found this information in the first place?

that is not for you to know. salamander must maintain some sliver of advantage in the field, after all.

Fair enough.

Fine, I will take your deal. What is it you want of me again?

salamander wants to know the details of your relationship with the aforementioned serpent. including, salamander might add, the possibility of asking any and all questions salamander deems suitable.

in return, you receive... what exactly did you want to receive, patronage-wise?

We will get to that later, don't rush.

This serpent is a weapon. It transforms at my will, using magick, into any weapon I am in need of at the moment.

That's all.

salamander hears that it is in some way sapient? and potentially something of a cerebrophage? you couldn't elaborate on that, could you?

Well, I made it with magick and, as you said, magick cannot make something that is sapient.

interesting. so it is your creation, is it? not some outside force masquerading as your own whilst in truth being something of a bad influence?

Nope. The only bad influence was your little poet 'friend', but I digress.

salamander disagrees. it seems relevant. please, do elaborate.

On poet? Well, she convinced me to kill Lerual, which has left me with more problems then I would like to divulge.

and yet, they are problems which lie within the bounds of this conversation. thus you are, in fact, compelled to divulge.

You wanted to know about my choice of artistic weaponry, not about my familial issues.

You want that information, you better be willing to pay for it.

yet they are linked, clearly. you cannot remove half of a spider's web: in similar fashion, your backstory has been promised in its entirety.

now, please. continue.

How exactly is my predicament that was caused by your crazy girlfriend linked to a tool? I made the tool far before Poet poisoned my mind.

These two have no connection whatsoever to one another.

girlfriend is a misnomer, but that's besides the point.

salamander is more interested in asking this: when was this tool created?

Just after I was revived. One of the first things I made with the magick I beat out of Them.

that's it, is it? your corrupting influence is the magick you managed to extract from a demon. it makes sense, salamander supposes, though there are far cleaner routes to far greater power.

Them was my father. I was taking my inheritance early, so to speak.

but a demon nonetheless, no? do you not think such power might wreak... hellish consequences on your psyche?

I have no corrupting influence from Them. My newfound magickal abilities are not a product of a messy transfer, but a traditional passing of royal abilities.

Them was a King, I his heir. When the heir is made King, they receive all the magick of the King, as well as the crown.

you say that, but...

according to salamander's source, you have been afflicted by some corrupting power; that is to say, some event has occurred that has changed you. said source believed said power to come on the form of a "metal snake that was eating your brain"; salamander, however, believes this to be false.

instead, salamander has narrowed it down to two possibilities, both acting as portions of your inheritance. either the meddling influence has come in the form of your crown, or it has come in the form of the power itself.

surely you must agree that these are fair assumptions?

Ohhh....I get it. Your source is a heroin addicted opossum and you believe her, why? Also, I have no negative influence besides when Poet said to kill Lerual.

you wouldn't know of such an influence. however, the evidence does suggest you have shifted in temperament somewhat over the course of salamander's holiday. what happened to the great pacifist, hmm?

Being a Pacifist was great, it was, but creatures used me. They used me and when I needed help, they left me to rot.

I'm done being a tool.

since when was being helpful a bad thing? clearly, your attitude has changed - changed so drastically, in fact, that salamander would posit that some outside influence must be responsible. a fair conclusion, no?

Fair, but wrong. Can't you sense my genuine attitude? I am telling the truth.

one can speak the truth whilst simultaneously being wrong. it is not a lie to make known your beliefs, flawed as said belief may be.

then again, you may be telling something of a universal truth. vis-à-vis the magic at least... your attitude has materially changed, salamander is afraid, and salamander is contractually obliged to attempt some form of reversal. you know how it is.

Contractually by who? The opossum? Really? That wasn't part of our agreement.

whose agreement? yours and salamander's? the opossum is a pre-existing client, and no concern of yours.

salamander has decided to start providing a service, of sorts.

should any offical wish, they may have salamander perform one action, provide one item or set of items, cast one spell, or give one piece of honest advice. details are of course up for negotiation, and other forms of assistance may well be amenable: that is up to salamander's discretion.

in short, salamander is establishing salamander's services as a 'patron-for-hire', of sorts.

negotiable as the details of the request are, however, the payment remains fixed. salamander insists that as compensation for any patronage, salamander be offered a secret.

one secret, freely given. that is the cost of salamander's assistance. take it, leave it; salamander cares not. but know that salamander is impartial: you may opt to ignore this offer, yet your adversaries may take salamander up on it. and are you sure you want to give them that advantage?

Oh hey dude. Whadaya want again?

as salamander says: this is not to do with what salamander wants, but instead what you desire. is there anything with which you would appreciate salamander's unique assistance?

I have no idea man. I just heard you in my head and came over here. Who are you?

you say that as if you've never met salamander. which seems odd, given (as salamander recalls) you and salamander conversed just the other day.

Really? I don’t remember that. I remember like, what hands are though. I think that’s more important

salamander doesn't have hands, for what it's worth. well, not in the traditional sense anyway. perhaps that's what caused you to forget.

that or the heroin, but who can say, really.

Haha, yeah… ha

Anyway, do you want me to do anything?

only should you wish salamander to do something in return.

Well I don’t know. You pick

but if you did something for salamander, salamander would be in your debt. unless, of course, you mean to waive your right to call upon any and all such debts owed to salamander, past present and future?

That feels like one of those car salesman things. I’m not gonna do that

Uh, wait, you wanted a secret right? Does it count as a secret if no one’s ever asked before?

you can't blame a salamander for trying. there are certain offical, after all, who would have happily aggres to such a proposition.

however, salamander must insist that, before saying anything further, you do at least explicitly state that any debt this particular action be interpreted as accruing is immediately, permanently, and irrevocably waived. either that or you make clear your preferred form of patronage here and now.

and to answer your question: yes. anything which you know yet no others (or at least, select few others) do is a secret.

Geez fine, I’ll pick something. Uh, dude, what about like, a tree that’s orange all year round? That would be crazy. NO WAIT! I KNOW! I know. I wanna know how to fix my friends. Lerual wants to die, Jeremy can’t remember anything, and Someone has a snake that’s eating his brain and making him kill people. Oh and Him needs to get a date but that’s not killing him right now. Can you do that?

some of those seem... more easily approachable than others, salamander will admit. is there any particular friend you would like to prioritise?

Hmm. Someone seems like he needs it the most. Jeremy doesn’t really care, and if I fix Someone I might be able to fix Leural. I need to get rid of Someone’s metal snake

Uh, a secret? Hm. Uh, I’m really scared of needles, tight clothes choke me, oh, and I’m a juggalo. (Her canon voice is Phoebe Buffay. Do I mean Lisa Kudrow? No. Phoebe Buffay.)

(She trips and giggles) I think my mom wouldn’t like me very much if she was still alive

salamander will certainly try and work something out. though, it could be helpful to have a little context on the matter: salamander has been away for a while, and a little quote-unquote "backstory" could prove... useful. you couldn't tell samalander more about this snake, could you?

So I leave right? Then I come back, and all of a sudden he’s just killing a bunch of people! So I’m like, what the fuck man? And he’s like get out of here so I’m like no why did you kill everyone you love and he’s like fuck you and then

I see this metal snake that calls itself Jedidiah or something stupid like that crawling all over him, and I can’t really remember what happened but it said that it feeds on him or something, and whatever chemical it uses must be crazy because Someone was actually PROTECTING it. Isn’t that crazy? Anyway it’s metal so when I tried to bite it that didn’t do shit but I can usually bite metal so this is really good metal. AND THEN HE STABBED ME

that does sound, ah. distressing.

salamander will see what salamander can do.

(The opossum got distracted by a cloud. It turns back to him and very slowly reaches out to put its hand on his face)

are you quite alright? you seem... distracted.

@opossum-on-heroin-offical

Haha, heroin y’know? Your face is squishy. What are you again?

as in fundamentally? or as in physically?

physically, the face you are 'squishing', as you so perceptively put it, belongs to a member of the species most commonly referred to as salamandra salamandra, or the fire salamander, though it has been ascribed many different names over the years.

more broadly, salamander is the reconstituted essence of that which once was the primordial embodiment of knowledge, condensed into the form of first one, then many, salamanders (though other forms can be employed when necessary).

is that information of use to you?

Salamandera salamandera. That sounds like you’re summoning something. Can you summon anything if you say possum possum? So you’re like, all the smart. Wait, are you another immortal? Why do you talk about yourself in the third person?

technically, salamander does not explicitly refer to salamander in the third person: salamander is instead unable to utilise any pronouns when referring to salamander. it is a result of salamander'a confinement to this form, along with the inability to utilise salamander's name.

Why? How can you not say words? Will your mom get mad?

it's more of a curse, of sorts: salamander's name holds such power it would allow salamander to break free of the impediment placed upon salamander by the powers that be. which would be bad, for them.

So you’re like rumplestiltskin but also the princess? Wait, you can shapeshift like an immortal! Do a possum

salamander can't shapeshift. not exactly. salamander can cast illusions, yes. salamander can also selectively breed salamanders in a parallel realm set on a separate time continuum, which salamander can then use as vessels. but shapeshifting? that is one of the skills prohibited by the curse that afflicts salamander.

Aw. No opossum. Who hates you again?

many, many people.

oh you mean in this case? that would be the powers that be: an assortment of magic-users and minor deities who form a unified council of sorts. apparently, they look harshly upon attempts to truly view the future, which salamander thinks is unfair.

Why did ya wanna see the future? Ultimate knowledge or whatever? Aw shit are you evil?

is a desire for security evil? is it evil to want to have the knowledge to protect oneself, one's own? is it evil to want to punish all those who would harm you before they could lift a finger to do so?

salamander thinks not.

Don’t people that say that usually turn out to be Hitler or something? I don’t think you can trust words

what can be trusted, if not words? words are thoughts given form, and thoughts are in turn truths, of a sort. anyway, salamander was joking. mostly. well, sort of. but you must admit that the ability to accurately forsee what was to come would be. useful.

Yeah. But isn’t the future like, known for driving people insane? And words are like the least trustworthy things. Lying’s super easy. I could say I love you right now. See? Lie. Easy

yet words reflect some truth, distorted as it may be. you cannot lie without knowing what truth you are subverting.

and no, the future has never driven anyone insane. no-one has ever seen the future, not fully. not truly.

And… that upsets you? You’re already immortal. It’ll happen eventually

would you not like to know the future? to know every possible course of events; to know how to achieve any outcome? perfect, ubiquitous knowledge, of all that could ever come to be?

salamander has decided to start providing a service, of sorts.

should any offical wish, they may have salamander perform one action, provide one item or set of items, cast one spell, or give one piece of honest advice. details are of course up for negotiation, and other forms of assistance may well be amenable: that is up to salamander's discretion.

in short, salamander is establishing salamander's services as a 'patron-for-hire', of sorts.

negotiable as the details of the request are, however, the payment remains fixed. salamander insists that as compensation for any patronage, salamander be offered a secret.

one secret, freely given. that is the cost of salamander's assistance. take it, leave it; salamander cares not. but know that salamander is impartial: you may opt to ignore this offer, yet your adversaries may take salamander up on it. and are you sure you want to give them that advantage?

Oh hey dude. Whadaya want again?

as salamander says: this is not to do with what salamander wants, but instead what you desire. is there anything with which you would appreciate salamander's unique assistance?

I have no idea man. I just heard you in my head and came over here. Who are you?

you say that as if you've never met salamander. which seems odd, given (as salamander recalls) you and salamander conversed just the other day.

Really? I don’t remember that. I remember like, what hands are though. I think that’s more important

salamander doesn't have hands, for what it's worth. well, not in the traditional sense anyway. perhaps that's what caused you to forget.

that or the heroin, but who can say, really.

Haha, yeah… ha

Anyway, do you want me to do anything?

only should you wish salamander to do something in return.

Well I don’t know. You pick

but if you did something for salamander, salamander would be in your debt. unless, of course, you mean to waive your right to call upon any and all such debts owed to salamander, past present and future?

That feels like one of those car salesman things. I’m not gonna do that

Uh, wait, you wanted a secret right? Does it count as a secret if no one’s ever asked before?

you can't blame a salamander for trying. there are certain offical, after all, who would have happily aggres to such a proposition.

however, salamander must insist that, before saying anything further, you do at least explicitly state that any debt this particular action be interpreted as accruing is immediately, permanently, and irrevocably waived. either that or you make clear your preferred form of patronage here and now.

and to answer your question: yes. anything which you know yet no others (or at least, select few others) do is a secret.

Geez fine, I’ll pick something. Uh, dude, what about like, a tree that’s orange all year round? That would be crazy. NO WAIT! I KNOW! I know. I wanna know how to fix my friends. Lerual wants to die, Jeremy can’t remember anything, and Someone has a snake that’s eating his brain and making him kill people. Oh and Him needs to get a date but that’s not killing him right now. Can you do that?

some of those seem... more easily approachable than others, salamander will admit. is there any particular friend you would like to prioritise?

Hmm. Someone seems like he needs it the most. Jeremy doesn’t really care, and if I fix Someone I might be able to fix Leural. I need to get rid of Someone’s metal snake

Uh, a secret? Hm. Uh, I’m really scared of needles, tight clothes choke me, oh, and I’m a juggalo. (Her canon voice is Phoebe Buffay. Do I mean Lisa Kudrow? No. Phoebe Buffay.)

(She trips and giggles) I think my mom wouldn’t like me very much if she was still alive

salamander will certainly try and work something out. though, it could be helpful to have a little context on the matter: salamander has been away for a while, and a little quote-unquote "backstory" could prove... useful. you couldn't tell samalander more about this snake, could you?

So I leave right? Then I come back, and all of a sudden he’s just killing a bunch of people! So I’m like, what the fuck man? And he’s like get out of here so I’m like no why did you kill everyone you love and he’s like fuck you and then

I see this metal snake that calls itself Jedidiah or something stupid like that crawling all over him, and I can’t really remember what happened but it said that it feeds on him or something, and whatever chemical it uses must be crazy because Someone was actually PROTECTING it. Isn’t that crazy? Anyway it’s metal so when I tried to bite it that didn’t do shit but I can usually bite metal so this is really good metal. AND THEN HE STABBED ME

that does sound, ah. distressing.

salamander will see what salamander can do.

(The opossum got distracted by a cloud. It turns back to him and very slowly reaches out to put its hand on his face)

are you quite alright? you seem... distracted.

@opossum-on-heroin-offical

Haha, heroin y’know? Your face is squishy. What are you again?

as in fundamentally? or as in physically?

physically, the face you are 'squishing', as you so perceptively put it, belongs to a member of the species most commonly referred to as salamandra salamandra, or the fire salamander, though it has been ascribed many different names over the years.

more broadly, salamander is the reconstituted essence of that which once was the primordial embodiment of knowledge, condensed into the form of first one, then many, salamanders (though other forms can be employed when necessary).

is that information of use to you?

Salamandera salamandera. That sounds like you’re summoning something. Can you summon anything if you say possum possum? So you’re like, all the smart. Wait, are you another immortal? Why do you talk about yourself in the third person?

technically, salamander does not explicitly refer to salamander in the third person: salamander is instead unable to utilise any pronouns when referring to salamander. it is a result of salamander'a confinement to this form, along with the inability to utilise salamander's name.

Why? How can you not say words? Will your mom get mad?

it's more of a curse, of sorts: salamander's name holds such power it would allow salamander to break free of the impediment placed upon salamander by the powers that be. which would be bad, for them.

So you’re like rumplestiltskin but also the princess? Wait, you can shapeshift like an immortal! Do a possum

salamander can't shapeshift. not exactly. salamander can cast illusions, yes. salamander can also selectively breed salamanders in a parallel realm set on a separate time continuum, which salamander can then use as vessels. but shapeshifting? that is one of the skills prohibited by the curse that afflicts salamander.

Aw. No opossum. Who hates you again?

many, many people.

oh you mean in this case? that would be the powers that be: an assortment of magic-users and minor deities who form a unified council of sorts. apparently, they look harshly upon attempts to truly view the future, which salamander thinks is unfair.

Why did ya wanna see the future? Ultimate knowledge or whatever? Aw shit are you evil?

is a desire for security evil? is it evil to want to have the knowledge to protect oneself, one's own? is it evil to want to punish all those who would harm you before they could lift a finger to do so?

salamander thinks not.

Don’t people that say that usually turn out to be Hitler or something? I don’t think you can trust words

what can be trusted, if not words? words are thoughts given form, and thoughts are in turn truths, of a sort. anyway, salamander was joking. mostly. well, sort of. but you must admit that the ability to accurately forsee what was to come would be. useful.

Yeah. But isn’t the future like, known for driving people insane? And words are like the least trustworthy things. Lying’s super easy. I could say I love you right now. See? Lie. Easy

yet words reflect some truth, distorted as it may be. you cannot lie without knowing what truth you are subverting.

and no, the future has never driven anyone insane. no-one has ever seen the future, not fully. not truly.

salamander has heard something about some goings-on between yourself and some sort of metal snake. you couldn't elaborate, could you?

@salamander-offical

I could. But then again, it's none of your business.

actually, it is. one of salamander's clients is quite interested in said serpent - and, in particular, your relationship with it.

Well, I don't see how thats my problem.

how about we make an arrangement, then? you tell salamander the secret of your relationship with this snake, as it were, and in response salamander offers you some good or service of your choice. how does that sound?

I have no use for an amphibian's good or service, sadly. I suggest you make the offer appealing or leave.

you don't have use for the patronage of the primordial embodiment of knowledge given flesh? even with salamander's present limitations, it seems doubtful that you would not find use in some sorcery or artifact. or even, perhaps, the secret of another, should salamander have it on record. there must be some goal you could use a little assistance achieving.

Not much I couldn't get myself. And, what little I couldn't get myself, is not meant for me to know.

knowledge that is "not meant for you to know" is the best kind of knowledge there is! the hidden thoughts of others; the secret whispers they would hate to be heard; the desperate notions they would rather die than have revealed... this is the currency in which salamander trades. surely salamander can interest you in an excerpt from this catalogue?

He narrows his eyes.

And how have you found this information in the first place?

that is not for you to know. salamander must maintain some sliver of advantage in the field, after all.

Fair enough.

Fine, I will take your deal. What is it you want of me again?

salamander wants to know the details of your relationship with the aforementioned serpent. including, salamander might add, the possibility of asking any and all questions salamander deems suitable.

in return, you receive... what exactly did you want to receive, patronage-wise?

We will get to that later, don't rush.

This serpent is a weapon. It transforms at my will, using magick, into any weapon I am in need of at the moment.

That's all.

salamander hears that it is in some way sapient? and potentially something of a cerebrophage? you couldn't elaborate on that, could you?

Well, I made it with magick and, as you said, magick cannot make something that is sapient.

interesting. so it is your creation, is it? not some outside force masquerading as your own whilst in truth being something of a bad influence?

Nope. The only bad influence was your little poet 'friend', but I digress.

salamander disagrees. it seems relevant. please, do elaborate.

On poet? Well, she convinced me to kill Lerual, which has left me with more problems then I would like to divulge.

and yet, they are problems which lie within the bounds of this conversation. thus you are, in fact, compelled to divulge.

You wanted to know about my choice of artistic weaponry, not about my familial issues.

You want that information, you better be willing to pay for it.

yet they are linked, clearly. you cannot remove half of a spider's web: in similar fashion, your backstory has been promised in its entirety.

now, please. continue.

How exactly is my predicament that was caused by your crazy girlfriend linked to a tool? I made the tool far before Poet poisoned my mind.

These two have no connection whatsoever to one another.

girlfriend is a misnomer, but that's besides the point.

salamander is more interested in asking this: when was this tool created?

Just after I was revived. One of the first things I made with the magick I beat out of Them.

that's it, is it? your corrupting influence is the magick you managed to extract from a demon. it makes sense, salamander supposes, though there are far cleaner routes to far greater power.

Them was my father. I was taking my inheritance early, so to speak.

but a demon nonetheless, no? do you not think such power might wreak... hellish consequences on your psyche?

I have no corrupting influence from Them. My newfound magickal abilities are not a product of a messy transfer, but a traditional passing of royal abilities.

Them was a King, I his heir. When the heir is made King, they receive all the magick of the King, as well as the crown.

you say that, but...

according to salamander's source, you have been afflicted by some corrupting power; that is to say, some event has occurred that has changed you. said source believed said power to come on the form of a "metal snake that was eating your brain"; salamander, however, believes this to be false.

instead, salamander has narrowed it down to two possibilities, both acting as portions of your inheritance. either the meddling influence has come in the form of your crown, or it has come in the form of the power itself.

surely you must agree that these are fair assumptions?

Ohhh....I get it. Your source is a heroin addicted opossum and you believe her, why? Also, I have no negative influence besides when Poet said to kill Lerual.

you wouldn't know of such an influence. however, the evidence does suggest you have shifted in temperament somewhat over the course of salamander's holiday. what happened to the great pacifist, hmm?

Being a Pacifist was great, it was, but creatures used me. They used me and when I needed help, they left me to rot.

I'm done being a tool.

since when was being helpful a bad thing? clearly, your attitude has changed - changed so drastically, in fact, that salamander would posit that some outside influence must be responsible. a fair conclusion, no?

Fair, but wrong. Can't you sense my genuine attitude? I am telling the truth.

one can speak the truth whilst simultaneously being wrong. it is not a lie to make known your beliefs, flawed as said belief may be.

then again, you may be telling something of a universal truth. vis-à-vis the magic at least... your attitude has materially changed, salamander is afraid, and salamander is contractually obliged to attempt some form of reversal. you know how it is.

salamander has decided to start providing a service, of sorts.

should any offical wish, they may have salamander perform one action, provide one item or set of items, cast one spell, or give one piece of honest advice. details are of course up for negotiation, and other forms of assistance may well be amenable: that is up to salamander's discretion.

in short, salamander is establishing salamander's services as a 'patron-for-hire', of sorts.

negotiable as the details of the request are, however, the payment remains fixed. salamander insists that as compensation for any patronage, salamander be offered a secret.

one secret, freely given. that is the cost of salamander's assistance. take it, leave it; salamander cares not. but know that salamander is impartial: you may opt to ignore this offer, yet your adversaries may take salamander up on it. and are you sure you want to give them that advantage?

Oh hey dude. Whadaya want again?

as salamander says: this is not to do with what salamander wants, but instead what you desire. is there anything with which you would appreciate salamander's unique assistance?

I have no idea man. I just heard you in my head and came over here. Who are you?

you say that as if you've never met salamander. which seems odd, given (as salamander recalls) you and salamander conversed just the other day.

Really? I don’t remember that. I remember like, what hands are though. I think that’s more important

salamander doesn't have hands, for what it's worth. well, not in the traditional sense anyway. perhaps that's what caused you to forget.

that or the heroin, but who can say, really.

Haha, yeah… ha

Anyway, do you want me to do anything?

only should you wish salamander to do something in return.

Well I don’t know. You pick

but if you did something for salamander, salamander would be in your debt. unless, of course, you mean to waive your right to call upon any and all such debts owed to salamander, past present and future?

That feels like one of those car salesman things. I’m not gonna do that

Uh, wait, you wanted a secret right? Does it count as a secret if no one’s ever asked before?

you can't blame a salamander for trying. there are certain offical, after all, who would have happily aggres to such a proposition.

however, salamander must insist that, before saying anything further, you do at least explicitly state that any debt this particular action be interpreted as accruing is immediately, permanently, and irrevocably waived. either that or you make clear your preferred form of patronage here and now.

and to answer your question: yes. anything which you know yet no others (or at least, select few others) do is a secret.

Geez fine, I’ll pick something. Uh, dude, what about like, a tree that’s orange all year round? That would be crazy. NO WAIT! I KNOW! I know. I wanna know how to fix my friends. Lerual wants to die, Jeremy can’t remember anything, and Someone has a snake that’s eating his brain and making him kill people. Oh and Him needs to get a date but that’s not killing him right now. Can you do that?

some of those seem... more easily approachable than others, salamander will admit. is there any particular friend you would like to prioritise?

Hmm. Someone seems like he needs it the most. Jeremy doesn’t really care, and if I fix Someone I might be able to fix Leural. I need to get rid of Someone’s metal snake

Uh, a secret? Hm. Uh, I’m really scared of needles, tight clothes choke me, oh, and I’m a juggalo. (Her canon voice is Phoebe Buffay. Do I mean Lisa Kudrow? No. Phoebe Buffay.)

(She trips and giggles) I think my mom wouldn’t like me very much if she was still alive

salamander will certainly try and work something out. though, it could be helpful to have a little context on the matter: salamander has been away for a while, and a little quote-unquote "backstory" could prove... useful. you couldn't tell samalander more about this snake, could you?

So I leave right? Then I come back, and all of a sudden he’s just killing a bunch of people! So I’m like, what the fuck man? And he’s like get out of here so I’m like no why did you kill everyone you love and he’s like fuck you and then

I see this metal snake that calls itself Jedidiah or something stupid like that crawling all over him, and I can’t really remember what happened but it said that it feeds on him or something, and whatever chemical it uses must be crazy because Someone was actually PROTECTING it. Isn’t that crazy? Anyway it’s metal so when I tried to bite it that didn’t do shit but I can usually bite metal so this is really good metal. AND THEN HE STABBED ME

that does sound, ah. distressing.

salamander will see what salamander can do.

(The opossum got distracted by a cloud. It turns back to him and very slowly reaches out to put its hand on his face)

are you quite alright? you seem... distracted.

@opossum-on-heroin-offical

Haha, heroin y’know? Your face is squishy. What are you again?

as in fundamentally? or as in physically?

physically, the face you are 'squishing', as you so perceptively put it, belongs to a member of the species most commonly referred to as salamandra salamandra, or the fire salamander, though it has been ascribed many different names over the years.

more broadly, salamander is the reconstituted essence of that which once was the primordial embodiment of knowledge, condensed into the form of first one, then many, salamanders (though other forms can be employed when necessary).

is that information of use to you?

Salamandera salamandera. That sounds like you’re summoning something. Can you summon anything if you say possum possum? So you’re like, all the smart. Wait, are you another immortal? Why do you talk about yourself in the third person?

technically, salamander does not explicitly refer to salamander in the third person: salamander is instead unable to utilise any pronouns when referring to salamander. it is a result of salamander'a confinement to this form, along with the inability to utilise salamander's name.

Why? How can you not say words? Will your mom get mad?

it's more of a curse, of sorts: salamander's name holds such power it would allow salamander to break free of the impediment placed upon salamander by the powers that be. which would be bad, for them.

So you’re like rumplestiltskin but also the princess? Wait, you can shapeshift like an immortal! Do a possum

salamander can't shapeshift. not exactly. salamander can cast illusions, yes. salamander can also selectively breed salamanders in a parallel realm set on a separate time continuum, which salamander can then use as vessels. but shapeshifting? that is one of the skills prohibited by the curse that afflicts salamander.

Aw. No opossum. Who hates you again?

many, many people.

oh you mean in this case? that would be the powers that be: an assortment of magic-users and minor deities who form a unified council of sorts. apparently, they look harshly upon attempts to truly view the future, which salamander thinks is unfair.

Why did ya wanna see the future? Ultimate knowledge or whatever? Aw shit are you evil?

is a desire for security evil? is it evil to want to have the knowledge to protect oneself, one's own? is it evil to want to punish all those who would harm you before they could lift a finger to do so?

salamander thinks not.

Don’t people that say that usually turn out to be Hitler or something? I don’t think you can trust words

what can be trusted, if not words? words are thoughts given form, and thoughts are in turn truths, of a sort. anyway, salamander was joking. mostly. well, sort of. but you must admit that the ability to accurately forsee what was to come would be. useful.

salamander has heard something about some goings-on between yourself and some sort of metal snake. you couldn't elaborate, could you?

@salamander-offical

I could. But then again, it's none of your business.

actually, it is. one of salamander's clients is quite interested in said serpent - and, in particular, your relationship with it.

Well, I don't see how thats my problem.

how about we make an arrangement, then? you tell salamander the secret of your relationship with this snake, as it were, and in response salamander offers you some good or service of your choice. how does that sound?

I have no use for an amphibian's good or service, sadly. I suggest you make the offer appealing or leave.

you don't have use for the patronage of the primordial embodiment of knowledge given flesh? even with salamander's present limitations, it seems doubtful that you would not find use in some sorcery or artifact. or even, perhaps, the secret of another, should salamander have it on record. there must be some goal you could use a little assistance achieving.

Not much I couldn't get myself. And, what little I couldn't get myself, is not meant for me to know.

knowledge that is "not meant for you to know" is the best kind of knowledge there is! the hidden thoughts of others; the secret whispers they would hate to be heard; the desperate notions they would rather die than have revealed... this is the currency in which salamander trades. surely salamander can interest you in an excerpt from this catalogue?

He narrows his eyes.

And how have you found this information in the first place?

that is not for you to know. salamander must maintain some sliver of advantage in the field, after all.

Fair enough.

Fine, I will take your deal. What is it you want of me again?

salamander wants to know the details of your relationship with the aforementioned serpent. including, salamander might add, the possibility of asking any and all questions salamander deems suitable.

in return, you receive... what exactly did you want to receive, patronage-wise?

We will get to that later, don't rush.

This serpent is a weapon. It transforms at my will, using magick, into any weapon I am in need of at the moment.

That's all.

salamander hears that it is in some way sapient? and potentially something of a cerebrophage? you couldn't elaborate on that, could you?

Well, I made it with magick and, as you said, magick cannot make something that is sapient.

interesting. so it is your creation, is it? not some outside force masquerading as your own whilst in truth being something of a bad influence?

Nope. The only bad influence was your little poet 'friend', but I digress.

salamander disagrees. it seems relevant. please, do elaborate.

On poet? Well, she convinced me to kill Lerual, which has left me with more problems then I would like to divulge.

and yet, they are problems which lie within the bounds of this conversation. thus you are, in fact, compelled to divulge.

You wanted to know about my choice of artistic weaponry, not about my familial issues.

You want that information, you better be willing to pay for it.

yet they are linked, clearly. you cannot remove half of a spider's web: in similar fashion, your backstory has been promised in its entirety.

now, please. continue.

How exactly is my predicament that was caused by your crazy girlfriend linked to a tool? I made the tool far before Poet poisoned my mind.

These two have no connection whatsoever to one another.

girlfriend is a misnomer, but that's besides the point.

salamander is more interested in asking this: when was this tool created?

Just after I was revived. One of the first things I made with the magick I beat out of Them.

that's it, is it? your corrupting influence is the magick you managed to extract from a demon. it makes sense, salamander supposes, though there are far cleaner routes to far greater power.

Them was my father. I was taking my inheritance early, so to speak.

but a demon nonetheless, no? do you not think such power might wreak... hellish consequences on your psyche?

I have no corrupting influence from Them. My newfound magickal abilities are not a product of a messy transfer, but a traditional passing of royal abilities.

Them was a King, I his heir. When the heir is made King, they receive all the magick of the King, as well as the crown.

you say that, but...

according to salamander's source, you have been afflicted by some corrupting power; that is to say, some event has occurred that has changed you. said source believed said power to come on the form of a "metal snake that was eating your brain"; salamander, however, believes this to be false.

instead, salamander has narrowed it down to two possibilities, both acting as portions of your inheritance. either the meddling influence has come in the form of your crown, or it has come in the form of the power itself.

surely you must agree that these are fair assumptions?

Ohhh....I get it. Your source is a heroin addicted opossum and you believe her, why? Also, I have no negative influence besides when Poet said to kill Lerual.

you wouldn't know of such an influence. however, the evidence does suggest you have shifted in temperament somewhat over the course of salamander's holiday. what happened to the great pacifist, hmm?

Being a Pacifist was great, it was, but creatures used me. They used me and when I needed help, they left me to rot.

I'm done being a tool.

#question: has the magic/crown/inheritance writ large had any effect on someone's disposition?#or is salamander barking up entirely the wrong tree

since when was being helpful a bad thing? clearly, your attitude has changed - changed so drastically, in fact, that salamander would posit that some outside influence must be responsible. a fair conclusion, no?

salamander has heard something about some goings-on between yourself and some sort of metal snake. you couldn't elaborate, could you?

@salamander-offical

I could. But then again, it's none of your business.

actually, it is. one of salamander's clients is quite interested in said serpent - and, in particular, your relationship with it.

Well, I don't see how thats my problem.

how about we make an arrangement, then? you tell salamander the secret of your relationship with this snake, as it were, and in response salamander offers you some good or service of your choice. how does that sound?

I have no use for an amphibian's good or service, sadly. I suggest you make the offer appealing or leave.

you don't have use for the patronage of the primordial embodiment of knowledge given flesh? even with salamander's present limitations, it seems doubtful that you would not find use in some sorcery or artifact. or even, perhaps, the secret of another, should salamander have it on record. there must be some goal you could use a little assistance achieving.

Not much I couldn't get myself. And, what little I couldn't get myself, is not meant for me to know.

knowledge that is "not meant for you to know" is the best kind of knowledge there is! the hidden thoughts of others; the secret whispers they would hate to be heard; the desperate notions they would rather die than have revealed... this is the currency in which salamander trades. surely salamander can interest you in an excerpt from this catalogue?

He narrows his eyes.

And how have you found this information in the first place?

that is not for you to know. salamander must maintain some sliver of advantage in the field, after all.

Fair enough.

Fine, I will take your deal. What is it you want of me again?

salamander wants to know the details of your relationship with the aforementioned serpent. including, salamander might add, the possibility of asking any and all questions salamander deems suitable.

in return, you receive... what exactly did you want to receive, patronage-wise?

We will get to that later, don't rush.

This serpent is a weapon. It transforms at my will, using magick, into any weapon I am in need of at the moment.

That's all.

salamander hears that it is in some way sapient? and potentially something of a cerebrophage? you couldn't elaborate on that, could you?

Well, I made it with magick and, as you said, magick cannot make something that is sapient.

interesting. so it is your creation, is it? not some outside force masquerading as your own whilst in truth being something of a bad influence?

Nope. The only bad influence was your little poet 'friend', but I digress.

salamander disagrees. it seems relevant. please, do elaborate.

On poet? Well, she convinced me to kill Lerual, which has left me with more problems then I would like to divulge.

and yet, they are problems which lie within the bounds of this conversation. thus you are, in fact, compelled to divulge.

You wanted to know about my choice of artistic weaponry, not about my familial issues.

You want that information, you better be willing to pay for it.

yet they are linked, clearly. you cannot remove half of a spider's web: in similar fashion, your backstory has been promised in its entirety.

now, please. continue.

How exactly is my predicament that was caused by your crazy girlfriend linked to a tool? I made the tool far before Poet poisoned my mind.

These two have no connection whatsoever to one another.

girlfriend is a misnomer, but that's besides the point.

salamander is more interested in asking this: when was this tool created?

Just after I was revived. One of the first things I made with the magick I beat out of Them.

that's it, is it? your corrupting influence is the magick you managed to extract from a demon. it makes sense, salamander supposes, though there are far cleaner routes to far greater power.

Them was my father. I was taking my inheritance early, so to speak.

but a demon nonetheless, no? do you not think such power might wreak... hellish consequences on your psyche?

I have no corrupting influence from Them. My newfound magickal abilities are not a product of a messy transfer, but a traditional passing of royal abilities.

Them was a King, I his heir. When the heir is made King, they receive all the magick of the King, as well as the crown.

you say that, but...

according to salamander's source, you have been afflicted by some corrupting power; that is to say, some event has occurred that has changed you. said source believed said power to come on the form of a "metal snake that was eating your brain"; salamander, however, believes this to be false.

instead, salamander has narrowed it down to two possibilities, both acting as portions of your inheritance. either the meddling influence has come in the form of your crown, or it has come in the form of the power itself.

surely you must agree that these are fair assumptions?

Ohhh....I get it. Your source is a heroin addicted opossum and you believe her, why? Also, I have no negative influence besides when Poet said to kill Lerual.

you wouldn't know of such an influence. however, the evidence does suggest you have shifted in temperament somewhat over the course of salamander's holiday. what happened to the great pacifist, hmm?

*a small serpahim with red cracks drawn from her eyes to her chin appears in salamanders library, a red version that reaks of magic and blood appears with her and she holds a crude red blade*

you must be the venerable "little lerual". complete with a member of your famed blood clone army to boot! to what does salamander owe the pleasure?

@seraphim-offical

seraphim-offical

I want you to tell me a story