salamandra salamandra

chair of the offical foundation; steward of the officalverse; currently a rock

[salamander-offical]

salamander news

salamander is steward of the officalverse, and will hold the reins until a suitable successor can be found. current aspirants are @coffee-shop-offical and @imightbeafaerie-official-offical.

in addition, @mental-illness-offical is salamander's offical (hah) advisor, just as @someone-official has been ordained as 'pacifist'.

further, it is decreed that @breadcrumb-offical and @evilpineapple-offical are usurpers. any law they claim to pass is null, and they are to be treated as criminals until they can be brought to justice.

spread the word.

@evilpineapple-offical @geralt-of-rivia-offical @breadcrumb-offical @burning-britain-official @tagging-officals-offical @mental-illness-offical @someone-official @no-one-offical @supervillain-offical @seraphim-offical @joseph-stalin-offical @obama-offical @nonsense-offical @barack-obama-offical @timekeeper-offical

[burning-britains-clone-official]

I'm @burning-britain-official s clone so don't mess with me or I'll get you

OOC:

This blog is a joke!

@evilpineapple-offical @breadcrumb-offical @salamander-offical @someone-official @imightbeafaerie-official-offical @fay-offical

[salamander-offical]

one was too many as it was.

[salamander-offical]

I have recieved a request to assassinate you

I shall now proceed

💣

how many times must salamander make clear that, by virtue of salamander's nature as an unbound consciousness, salamander is effectively immortal? unless you mean to kill all salamanders in all conceivable realms, but you'll forgive salamander for doubting your capability to carry out such radical methods.

[officalverse-politics-offical]

@salamander-offical will he removed as Prime Minister of the Officalverse. I would also like to ask @beansandsausages32 to have him convicted.

A new election will be held for Prime Minister. The candidates will be:

Birthday Party ×11 (it will take up 11 ballots)

Communist Party ×1 (it will take up the final ballot)

-@mao-the-dong-offical

@beansandsausages32 do you agree to the conviction of Salamander?

Here is the election for Prime Minister:

Which party should hold the Prime Ministership?

Communist Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Voting ended onMay 3

[salamander-offical]

salamander is just recieving the news that salamander was appointed prime minister, and now this?

this bureaucracy will not stand. there is a reason this sham democracy was abandoned.

[officalverse-politics-offical]

Many times we have attempts to raise your attention on your duties.

[salamander-offical]

unfortunately, salamander was a rock. what can you do.

[officalverse-politics-offical]

Mao must not have known that when she appointed you.

[salamander-offical]

mao had no authority to appoint salamander anyway. salamander recognises no authority above salamander's own.

[officalverse-politics-offical]

It is alright if you do not recognise Mao.

[salamander-offical]

that includes your so-called 'authority', by the way. just so you know.

[officalverse-politics-offical]

@salamander-offical will he removed as Prime Minister of the Officalverse. I would also like to ask @beansandsausages32 to have him convicted.

A new election will be held for Prime Minister. The candidates will be:

Birthday Party ×11 (it will take up 11 ballots)

Communist Party ×1 (it will take up the final ballot)

-@mao-the-dong-offical

@beansandsausages32 do you agree to the conviction of Salamander?

Here is the election for Prime Minister:

Which party should hold the Prime Ministership?

Communist Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Voting ended onMay 3

[salamander-offical]

salamander is just recieving the news that salamander was appointed prime minister, and now this?

this bureaucracy will not stand. there is a reason this sham democracy was abandoned.

[officalverse-politics-offical]

Many times we have attempts to raise your attention on your duties.

[salamander-offical]

unfortunately, salamander was a rock. what can you do.

[officalverse-politics-offical]

Mao must not have known that when she appointed you.

[salamander-offical]

mao had no authority to appoint salamander anyway. salamander recognises no authority above salamander's own.

[officalverse-politics-offical]

@salamander-offical will he removed as Prime Minister of the Officalverse. I would also like to ask @beansandsausages32 to have him convicted.

A new election will be held for Prime Minister. The candidates will be:

Birthday Party ×11 (it will take up 11 ballots)

Communist Party ×1 (it will take up the final ballot)

-@mao-the-dong-offical

@beansandsausages32 do you agree to the conviction of Salamander?

Here is the election for Prime Minister:

Which party should hold the Prime Ministership?

Communist Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Voting ended onMay 3

[salamander-offical]

salamander is just recieving the news that salamander was appointed prime minister, and now this?

this bureaucracy will not stand. there is a reason this sham democracy was abandoned.

[officalverse-politics-offical]

Many times we have attempts to raise your attention on your duties.

[salamander-offical]

unfortunately, salamander was a rock. what can you do.

[officalverse-politics-offical]

Mao must not have known that when she appointed you.

[salamander-offical]

mao had no authority to appoint salamander anyway. salamander recognises no authority above salamander's own.

[officalverse-politics-offical]

@salamander-offical will he removed as Prime Minister of the Officalverse. I would also like to ask @beansandsausages32 to have him convicted.

A new election will be held for Prime Minister. The candidates will be:

Birthday Party ×11 (it will take up 11 ballots)

Communist Party ×1 (it will take up the final ballot)

-@mao-the-dong-offical

@beansandsausages32 do you agree to the conviction of Salamander?

Here is the election for Prime Minister:

Which party should hold the Prime Ministership?

Communist Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Voting ended onMay 3

[salamander-offical]

salamander is just recieving the news that salamander was appointed prime minister, and now this?

this bureaucracy will not stand. there is a reason this sham democracy was abandoned.

[officalverse-politics-offical]

Many times we have attempts to raise your attention on your duties.

[salamander-offical]

unfortunately, salamander was a rock. what can you do.

[officalverse-politics-offical]

@salamander-offical will he removed as Prime Minister of the Officalverse. I would also like to ask @beansandsausages32 to have him convicted.

A new election will be held for Prime Minister. The candidates will be:

Birthday Party ×11 (it will take up 11 ballots)

Communist Party ×1 (it will take up the final ballot)

-@mao-the-dong-offical

@beansandsausages32 do you agree to the conviction of Salamander?

Here is the election for Prime Minister:

Which party should hold the Prime Ministership?

Communist Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Birthday Party

Voting ended onMay 3

[salamander-offical]

salamander is just recieving the news that salamander was appointed prime minister, and now this?

this bureaucracy will not stand. there is a reason this sham democracy was abandoned.

[no-one-offical]

What a nice phone, a fine addition to my collection

[breadcrumb-offical]

That was MINE

[no-one-offical]

Woah there buddy, you don't have proof. You want this phone, you gotta pay

[breadcrumb-offical]

*Sighs* How much...

[no-one-offical]

1 femboy eredin and 1 goth salamander

[breadcrumb-offical]

What are you gonna do with them anyway..?

[no-one-offical]

eat them and trap them in lucid nightmares for a brief period of a million years

[a-therapist-offical]

No one we have talk about this

You can't just enclosure people You don't like as paument

[no-one-offical]

But I do like them, which is why I'm giving them a gift

[a-therapist-offical]

The fact that You consider "trapping them in a lucido nightmare for millions of years" a gift raises far more concernes

[no-one-offical]

It's for good character development UwU

[salamander-offical]

you'd need longer than that to develop salamander's character. one million years is nothing.

[no-one-offical]

A lifetime of two universes then

[salamander-offical]

that could do it, in theory. but it would be somewhat superfluous. why put salamander through an arc already travelled? sans the goth thing, of course, but you know. salamander has been imprisoned in far worse ways for far longer.

[no-one-offical]

What a nice phone, a fine addition to my collection

[breadcrumb-offical]

That was MINE

[no-one-offical]

Woah there buddy, you don't have proof. You want this phone, you gotta pay

[breadcrumb-offical]

*Sighs* How much...

[no-one-offical]

1 femboy eredin and 1 goth salamander

[breadcrumb-offical]

What are you gonna do with them anyway..?

[no-one-offical]

eat them and trap them in lucid nightmares for a brief period of a million years

[a-therapist-offical]

No one we have talk about this

You can't just enclosure people You don't like as paument

[no-one-offical]

But I do like them, which is why I'm giving them a gift

[a-therapist-offical]

The fact that You consider "trapping them in a lucido nightmare for millions of years" a gift raises far more concernes

[no-one-offical]

It's for good character development UwU

[salamander-offical]

you'd need longer than that to develop salamander's character. one million years is nothing.

[salamander-offical]

Hey can we fuse our governments? Pls?

salamander would be willing to hear a proposal. what did you have in mind?

[ham-sandwich-consumer-offical]

We join your government and help unified offical verse

[salamander-offical]

yes, but on what terms? who would hold executive control, for instance? what roles would be delegated to whom? how would the coalition function?

[ham-sandwich-consumer-offical]

I propose me, @oppossum-offical and you share control, roles shall be given based on the strong suits of one another.

[salamander-offical]

again, you speak in vagaries. define "share control," for instance. and what happens if two of our so called "strong suits" overlap?

and that is not even to mention the fact that salamander already holds executive power here. your government is, as it stands, an impostor body, with no meaningful impact on the running of the officalverse, save for the small sect who attempted to secede under the wizard.

[definitely-ao3-offical]

Hi question

Do you even do anything? Lije, all I've seen you do is literally just fight over who rules and shir

[salamander-offical]

yes. of course salamander has had an impact. quite apart from securing you all freedom from tyranny, who do you think partitioned the country into duchies so that duties may better be delegated to officals? who do you think ordered a reminting of the currency to counter the inflation caused by eredin's debasement? who do you think rebuilt the system of taxation from the ground up to better serve the citizens?

[salamander-offical]

Hey can we fuse our governments? Pls?

salamander would be willing to hear a proposal. what did you have in mind?

[ham-sandwich-consumer-offical]

We join your government and help unified offical verse

[salamander-offical]

yes, but on what terms? who would hold executive control, for instance? what roles would be delegated to whom? how would the coalition function?

[ham-sandwich-consumer-offical]

I propose me, @oppossum-offical and you share control, roles shall be given based on the strong suits of one another.

[salamander-offical]

again, you speak in vagaries. define "share control," for instance. and what happens if two of our so called "strong suits" overlap?

and that is not even to mention the fact that salamander already holds executive power here. your government is, as it stands, an impostor body, with no meaningful impact on the running of the officalverse, save for the small sect who attempted to secede under the wizard.

[salamander-offical]

Hey can we fuse our governments? Pls?

salamander would be willing to hear a proposal. what did you have in mind?

[ham-sandwich-consumer-offical]

We join your government and help unified offical verse

[salamander-offical]

yes, but on what terms? who would hold executive control, for instance? what roles would be delegated to whom? how would the coalition function?

[salamander-offical]

Hey can we fuse our governments? Pls?

salamander would be willing to hear a proposal. what did you have in mind?

[ham-sandwich-consumer-offical]

Introduction:

Uhhhh hi I was cursed only to eat ham sandwiches and ummmmmm uhhhhhh I have fingers and god is in my skin also I F*CKING HATE POLITICS

Apparently I'm a ruler of the offical verse now? I'm against @salamander-offical ?

She/they, I am mtf trans

Imm a minor btw

I like baking, Ultrakill, Hollow Knight, Silksong, hardspace shipbreaker, Risk of Rain 2, the half-life and portal games, Deltarune, undertale and

Graphic made by @d1p-st1ck

NEW ALT @microwave-miku-offical

My husbands are @rouxls-kaard-offical and @rouxls-kaard-official

My jester is @rat-jester-offical

@james-offical lives in my attic alongside the man who owns property in Seattle

My alts are @sword-identifier-offical @nuclear-engineer-offical @blood-god-offical @teto-pear-offical and @latin-offical as well as @microwave-miku-offical

Header by ME

Notes game:

Post by @ham-sandwich-consumer-offical

💬 85  🔁 12  ❤️ 18 · New notes game cut the other is discontinued NO NOTES LIMIT Done In progress 20: stop fuckinf cussing as much 100:

[salamander-offical]

you are not, by the way, leader: salamander remains co-steward with @mental-illness-offical. keep up.

[them-offical]

[You see a rock on the ground, and recall your agreement with @salamander-offical. You presume he must be getting impatient.]

Oh you, is it? Listen, buddy, you didn't tell me shit about where Someone is. A weird wizard stopped you, remember?

But listen, I'll do you a solid. I'll take you out of this rock form into whatever form you had before the rock in exchange for something.ike I previous deal, but open ended on my part!

Whadda think?

[salamander-offical]

[You realise that this rock is not actually salamander, but just reminiscent of him; he is, after all, still in the wizard's possession. Yet you imagine that, were salamander speaking to you, he would agree, in principle. With some negotiation thrown in, of course.]

[them-offical]

Alright. It may be a bit harder to do it without having your actual rock here, but I'm sure I can manage.

What are your conditions?

[salamander-offical]

[You put yourself in salamander's mindset, and imagine he'd like some specificity on the nature of the debt he would owe you.]

[them-offical]

I won't own your soul, if that's what your asking. A simple favor, in the form of a task or a retrieval.

[salamander-offical]

[You imagine that, were salamander here, he would require some sort of assurance on the particular nature of the task. Or, better yet, he would want you to name your particular price now; he might name some particular examples, such as adding to your collection, but would certainly appreciate a concrete request.]

[them-offical]

Ah, I see. So you can own an open ended favor on someone else, but a favor on yourself must be set in stone, pun intended?

[salamander-offical]

[You imagine that Salamander, if conscious of this faux interaction, would utter something along the lines of "hey, it's your imagination. if you want to imagine salamander as a hypocrite that's your prerogative—though, it must be considered that you would likely have similar qualms about being held under such terms. pot kettle black, much?"]

[them-offical]

Yes, while that is true, the kettle is asking a favor of the pot, so the pot should be able to choose the favor. And that favor will be open ended.

Of course, the kettle will be able to add conditions, as they suit the pot.

[salamander-offical]

[Salamander, you imagine, would point to your motte-and-bailey approach to this conversation, and maintain his point about your hypocrisy. He would then offer up the thought that, should he wish it, he could find another way out. This negotiation, one-sided as it may seem, is actually an offer to you, he would say, to establish a functional working relationship between the two of you; Salamander holds the power here.]

[them-offical]

You hold the power? You're a fucking rock.

Why should I release you? If I don't, it's not like there's a line up of people willing to free you.

You would just stay a rock till some wizard or witch frees you, in which case they may ask for worse in return.

[salamander-offical]

[Salamander would, at this point, likely make a wry comment about how there are far more people willing and able to free him than you clearly estimate, and how this is, in fact, a declaration of goodwill. He, he would no doubt say, would be free whether or not you were to intervene; indeed your decision changes only the manner in which he will treat you when such an event occurred.]

[them-offical]

Then where are they?

You say you have people willing to break you out, so where are they?

I've been watching you, Salamander, and no one else has offered.

In fact, the Poet has even left you.

[salamander-offical]

[You imagine Salamander would be somewhat impressed at this news, perhaps even saying something along the lines of "really? you managed to get the little homunculus on your hook, did you? salamander is impressed: it takes a lot to separate a creature such as that poet from its master. he'll come crawling back, of course—there is rather a deeper link between us than you know—but congratulations nonetheless." Salamander would likely then bring up the people in his debt, as well as the myriad contingency plans he has in place should they fail in their tasks.]

[them-offical]

I didn't go after her, she went after me.

In any case, I could care less about being on your good side, it's as simple as that.

If I leave now, we would probably never speak again.

[salamander-offical]

[You imagine Salamander would agree with you, in his own way. That is, he would make some offhand comment about the fact that you wouldn't speak again: due to a lack of impetus on his part to speak with the corpses of the unfamous dead.]

[them-offical]

You and the rest who believe I will end up dead are deeply mistaken.

As one door closes, the other is sure to open.

[salamander-offical]

[Salamander would no doubt make some quip about submarines, before more seriously beginning to debate the semantic nature of the word 'dead'; if you were, for instance, erased from the fabric of the world, would you count as dead? you would, after all, have never been born in such a scenario.]

[them-offical]

I feel the best term for that would be unexisted.

[salamander-offical]

[The thought occurs to you that you are negotiating with a rock, and that the real Salamander may have entirely different terms. Or not. You can't be sure how good your mental image of his psyche is, after all.]

[them-offical]

It doesn't matter anyways. I'm sure that, even if I did bring you back, that wizard would zap you right back into a rock.

[salamander-offical]

[You suspect that if the wizard were to try something similar, Salamander would be able to combat it.]

[them-offical]

Then why didn't you the first time?

[salamander-offical]

[Again, you suspect any postulating as to the reason Salamander let the plan go off would be fruitless: there are far too many possibilities, and you don't know Salamander well enough to form a functioning theory.]

[them-offical]

Whatever man. I've got things to do and you don't seem willing to cooperate.

[salamander-offical]

[You realise that, in actual fact, only your mental picture of Salamander is unwilling to cooperate: there is no way of knowing how accurate your idea is, however, without seeking out the real Salamander for communication purposes.]

[them-offical]

Didn't he throw you in the void though? I feel like that would be pretty hard to find.

[salamander-offical]

[You suspect that if you cannot get Salamander out of the void, you would also be unable to fulfil your side of any bargain.]

[them-offical]

Do you know how large the void is? I can get you out, if I knew where you are inside.

[salamander-offical]

[This version of Salamander reminds you that, being a projection of your consciousness, he only knows things that you are already aware of.]

[them-offical]

Exactly. It's impossible for me to find you unless I go into the void myself, which I am not willing to do.

I would inform someone of your predicament but, as you stated, I would have no idea who to tell.

[salamander-offical]

["and here salamander was-" you imagine him saying "-thinking you claimed to be capable of undoing this most recent predicament. how disappointing."]

[them-offical]

That was before you got yourself thrown into the void. When you were right in front of me, I would have nothing stopping me.

[salamander-offical]

["making excuses to a figment of your imagination? my, you really have fallen a long way."]

[them-offical]

From what? I'm literally from hell. You know what? Fine. I'll fucking free you.

[salamander-offical]

[You imagine Salamander would be pleased to hear you finally acquiesce top his request, no matter how immaterial said request might have been.]

[them-offical]

Yeah yeah yeah, whatever. You'll owe me.

He pulls up a digital display, clicking through windows.

[salamander-offical]

[The imaginary salamander seats itself on your shoulder and watches impassively.]

[them-offical]

Ok, I'm looking and there are a lot of rocks in the void. You can tell me what I already know, right? What did you look like again as a rock?

[salamander-offical]

["how does one describe a rock? grey, roughly textured, slightly pointed...

surely there must be a better way of doing this. you are a magic user, yes? track salamander's rock with your demonic arts. you can tell when a soul is linked to an object, yes? especially a soul as powerful as salamander's."]

[them-offical]

You would be surprised at how many souls got trapped in rocks and thrown into the void. Let me see if I can single yours out.

He continues clicking across the screen.

[salamander-offical]

["salamander would certainly be surprised to find out there were any other souls quite so metaphysically loaded as salamander's floating around in that gods-forsaken hellhole. filter by investiture and call it a day."]

[them-offical]

That's not how this works. I can't filter, like on a computer. This monitor is just an extension of myself, to simplify my magick.

I can, however, sift through the souls, looking for a god. And I've got it.

A bright green line shows up on the screen.

[salamander-offical]

["wonderful. in that case, reversing salamander's current predicament should be simple for one such as you. after all, for all his ability to surprise, the wizard is not a figure of particular power.]

[them-offical]

I do have a question. If you are as powerful as you say, why didn't you just block the wizards attempt to turn you into a rock? Even if you are a fallen god and less powerful than you used to be, he isn't that strong, right?

He's following the green line.

[salamander-offical]

["in short, he'd done his research. he'd found the root of some of salamander's wards, and was able to brute force the remainder. it wouldn't have lasted, of course: salamander has a number of fail-safes in place which activate upon automated intervals--and even without those, salamander is formulating an escape method of his own. he doesn't know you're coming, after all."]

[them-offical]

Uh huh, I see. Well, I've found your rock. Give me a few moments and I'll have you dislodged from the void and we can get you out of that stoney imprisonment.

He reaches into the screen and begins to work on removing the rock.

[salamander-offical]

["on a side note, salamander finds the screen a fascinating accessory. do you update it over time, or do you customarily find yourself to be something of an anachronistic entity?"]

[them-offical]

It gets updated as needed. For example, a few days ago, this interesting device was used on me to mute my ability to use magick during a fight.

After the fight, I took the device, analyzed it, and trained my magick models to recognize and repel it's muting abilities.

Now, if the same device was to be used, I would not be affected.

He is still detaching the rock.

[salamander-offical]

["salamander meant more visually. 200 years ago, did it still appear as a screen? what about 200 years hence? does it just happen to line up with contemporary technology, or is it a deliberately updating visage?"]

[them-offical]

Back then, I just used magick as today's wizards use magic. With the hands and all.

But, with the recent advent of computers, I couldn't help but streamline. Besides, it's more visually appealing.

In the future, I'm sure I'll upgrade to whatever comes next.

[salamander-offical]

["gods, you're still experimenting? you must be younger than salamander thought. salamander supposes congratulations are in order, for being able to fool salamander for so long. then again, that's assuming you did fool him for particularly long, which can't be guaranteed given the nature of our communion. or lack thereof, salamander supposes.

on that note, it is fascinating that you appear to draw no distinction between the version of salamander you currently speak with, such as it were, and the true salamander. you ask questions, for instance, as if you will find any enlightement other than confirmation of your pre-existing conclusions. fascinating, really."]

@them-offical

[them-offical]

You know, I can't understand you when you speak like you're trying to reach the word limit on an essay.

And, to clarify, that's not because I'm ill versed in vocabulary, but because I am better at coding and math than the literature arts.

[salamander-offical]

["it's you who's doing the speaking, if you really think about it. salamander cannot be blamed for your confusion; take it up with your subconscious. or... salamander supposes salamander is, in fact, your subconscious. so do continue, but abandon the idea that it is salamander with whom you speak.

or don't. what is your subconscious to say what you may and may not do? it is sub- for a reason, after all."]

[them-offical]

He pulls the rock from the void, void juices slipping off of it.

Alright. Speak, rock.

[salamander-offical]

you certainly took your time.

[them-offical]

Oh, do forgive me for making sure the void wouldn't stick to you and possible become a part of your through voidal corruption. My bad.

[salamander-offical]

either way, you are thanked for your service and loyalty, even in the face of a lack of any agreement between we two parties. well done, and such.

[them-offical]

Well, I did say you owe me one. Anyways, enjoy being a rock for a few more moments as I pull up the reversal.

He holds the rock as he continues to swipe through the monitor.

[salamander-offical]

since when does salamander owe you? so far as salamander remembers it, we discussed returning an item to your collection, before salamander was cast into the void. since then, you have clearly come to free salamander of your own volition.

[them-offical]

It doesn't matter anymore. You really can't get out of owing me one now. Besides, from what I know of you, you don't have an issue doing the same to others.

[salamander-offical]

no contract was signed, verbally nor physically. salamander owes you not a thing. now, salamander may offer you patronage as thanks for your loyalty, but that would be an entirely different arrangement.

[them-offical]

Patronage does nothing for me, especially since not a lot of creatures like you. What else you got?

[salamander-offical]

again, salamander would appreciate you listen. one: salamander owes you nothing, in any explicit respect. two: salamander is nevertheless offering you reward for your loyalty. three: salamander is the ruler of the officalverse.

in this sense, any reward you extract from salamander will qualify as patronage: salamander, a more powerful being both socially and fundamentally, will serve as your patron.

[them-offical]

Oh, is it ruler now? I thought it was steward.

Whatever, I'll take it.

[salamander-offical]

a steward is a subset of ruler. now, if you'd be so kind as to reverse this forsaken transformation...

[them-offical]

Oh, right, my bad. I got distracted.

He zaps you with a bit of electricity and you feel yourself slowly being able to move, as if you are hatching from an egg.

[salamander-offical]

you are once again thanked for your service to the officalverse. if you will excuse salamander, we will meet again later. you need only come knocking, and salamander will grant you your just reward.

[The stone stretches as the words emanate, the colouring adjusting and legs erupting before a salamander stands before you. Yet as soon as it arrives, the salamander disappears, evaporating into a fine red mist.]

[the-fuckin-wizard-official]

Hail Wizardians, tis I, the ghost of The Fuckin Wizard!

I am hosting the Rap Battle in the reblogs to see who will gain the throne, reblog with thy rap lyrics and I shall judge based on who is best.

RESPONSIBILITIES FOR NEXT RULER OF THE OFFICIALVERSE:

figure out how to kill Salamander Official's consciousness

Make a list of Officialverse holidays and celebrations

Greet @satan-offical and @satans-mum-offical and the rest of the hell officials to Officiopolis

Deadline: 20 April, 2026

@assistant-offical, @yearning--offical @7-eleven-offical @coffee-shop-offical @aftonsparv-ikea-alien-offical @awesome-offical @bill-cipher-offical @nebulas-stars @rice-officall @shoe-offical @will-solace-offical @thalia-grace-offical @vagabond-offical @white-boy-offical @thewitchg @grandpa-offical @oppossum-offical @powers-that-be-official @ham-sandwich-consumer-offical

[salamander-offical]

an announcement

salamander is returned; the rap battle is null and void.

as you were.

[evilpineapple-offical]

this is hilarious

[salamander-offical]

isn't it just?

[evilpineapple-offical]

Woah I was expecting you to start insulting me when I said that. This is a nice change

[salamander-offical]

frankly, it's just nice to have mouths again. the insults will come in time.