Bonsoir Tumblr,
I don't know how to explain the way I feel lmaooooooooooooooooo I just keep on laughing because I'm so ashamed but also so confused cause I have nothing to be ashamed of ? I just don't get why all my relationship with men have to be so complicated. Cause, I like you, You like me WHY are you making thing harder than they are ? No because I been into this guy for SO LONG ! It's actually ridiculous so basically we kissed and did stuff in March right ? And after that NOTHING, he didn't messaged me, nothinggggggg beside wishing me an happy birthday for the very first time in his life as I know him for 6 years now and it's the first time he wish me anything. ANYWAY, we had a event together last week-end and ended up having sex. The sex was fine, it wasn't the best but he said things to me about how some of the things had never happened to him before. Idk if he lied so I'd feel honored or something but uh, I did obvisouly. So everything was cool but the very next day he went to sleep early and I was schoked because it was our last night together and so you know your girl was kinda drunk kinda horny kinda wanted to spend time with her crush right ? So I went to his bed and started to bother him (kindly) we were laughing and stuff, then at some point I asked him if I could sleep with him and he said YES ? Then I said " ARE YOU SURE ? BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE YOU DONT WANT ME HERE " and he said "IT'S FINE" and I said okay. Then I asked if he was asleep because I still wanted to talk or hug or something and he gave me his BACK ? So I already was kinda offended but your drunk girlie was texting her friend and I feel asleep. I woke up maybe 20min later ALONE in the mf bed. I was so schoked and humiliated. I cannot. So after a while I left the room and went to vent to my friends and he was in the livingroom talking with the others boys. I went to sleep and his best friend told me that I ruined everything ? I'm so confused because HE DID. I barely could even sleep I really wanted to cry but after a while I went to sleep and the next day he really wasn't talking to me anymore. Everything felt so awkward and I wanted to cry even more. In the middle of the afternoon I went to talk to him because I'm always the bigger person you know. He was in my car so I came in and said " Hi, are you okay ?" he barely even looked at me and said " yeah". AND I SAID "Are you mad ?" he said no then I said " Tu m'en veux ?" and he said he doesn't know. And I'm like WHAT ON EARTH ? I just didn't want to ruin everyone's day so I stayed calm and said " do you want to talk about it ?" and you won't believe what he had the audacity to respond ? " Not now " SO I SAID " when then ?" and he said " the most important is monday so... " so I was like " Monday then ? after your exam?" " and he said yeah I don't like to "réagir à chaud and said hurtful things". By saying that it meants he already wanted to say hurtful things to me, means that he's actually mad at me, so I hurt me because what about what you are doing to me ? I couldn't belive my eyes/ears. So I said, " If you have hurtful things to say, I can take it " and he said " oh, no I'm trying to change". So I said "okay then... You'll let me know ?" and he said yeah. THEN ON THE SAME MF DAY I FLIRTED AND ACTUALLY PECHO OTHER WOMEN IN FRONT OF MY FACE ALL OF THIS WHILE NOT TALKING TO ME. I wanted to cry so bad. Like why would you disrespect me like this juste because I wanted to sleep with you omg ? Bitch even thinking about it I want to cry. Anyway, that ended up really bad. It was such a bad idea, and we didn't even used condom I'm so mad at myself. I want to cry SO BAD. I know I don't deserve that treatment from him. It's also been a few days and I still haven't heard from him, I don't think he's ever gonna reach out which is really unfair to leave me like this. But hey you know... men.
