MOM BRAIN

[saltymama0331]

And tonight, who will you dare to be?

[saltymama0331]

I knew I still had demons lurking from my past... What I did not know was just how damaged I am from them. I wonder if I will be like this forever. Always unsure, second guessing, waiting for the worst. Because the worst thing, is how it always seems to end. Hours of silence go by, my chest gets heavier with every second. I've ran every scenario over and over in my head to the point of tears. And when he finally texts me... he isn't mad that I called and texted. He isn't leaving. But simply replies. I miss you. I pray, that this time is different. Because with you, I feel like I am home.

[saltymama0331]

Every time I have to say goodbye, even if it's not supposed to be the last time. It feels like it is. Watching you walk out that door twists my stomach because I am terrified it is the last time I will ever see you. I am mourning you when it was only a see you later, but for me it doesn't feel that way. Because every time I watch someone walk out that door, somehow it ends up being the last time.. so now I sit here and wonder. If you will be the same.

[saltymama0331]

Do you ever just stare in the mirror.. for a long time, not doing anything. But just looking at yourself. Trying to figure out how you got here. How so much time has gone by so fast. What the hell is gonna happen next. And then the lingering question always sitting in the back of your mind... Will I ever be enough for anyone?

[saltymama0331]

WHY IS MY TODDLER CRYING #138

Kalliope pooped in the tub for the first time this evening. Threw a fit because I was trying to fish it out of the water. Apparently she wanted it to stay in the tub.

[saltymama0331]

There is never enough time in the day... To work an 8 hour shift, manage your money/accounts, care for your child, play and interact with your child, cook, clean, laundry, prep for the next day, clean again because your child undoes everything you touch. And still have time to sit down and relax and have "mama time" while still getting to bed at a decent time to get enough sleep.

[saltymama0331]

When you are a kid, birthdays are big and extravagant. You spend the first 10 years of your life being spoiled with gifts, big parties with all the balloons and streamers. Then as you get older, every year you are pushed further into the world and learn more about reality. Every year is a little less special. Then you are an adult. And for the most part, it is like every other day. For some reason you still have high hopes for cake and laughter. Presents and love. But you find yourself at the end of the night, alone. Loading the dishwasher, drinking a beer and cleaning up after a long day of work. Just wishing, that maybe on the day celebrated for you. You had someone to share it with. Someone to give you extra love and kisses. Some good birthday sex and late night laughter. But here I am sitting alone, beer in hand. Cheers to me.

Happy 25th birthday dear.

[saltymama0331]

Being a single mother is... managing to hold a toddler a dog on a leash a gallon of milk and 4 grocery bags while climbing 3 flights of stairs to your apartment door.

Being a single mother is... putting your child down for the night and telling yourself you need sleep just go to bed now, then end up cleaning the kitchen for half an hour and deep cleaning your sink, reorganizing your drawers and getting the dishwasher started.

Being a single mother is... working 40 hours a week and only getting to be awake at home for a total of 4 hours a day. Including getting yourself and toddler up, ready, fed and out the door. Then coming home to make dinner, bathe, and down for the night. Repeat.

Being a single mother is... by far the best, most rewarding, astonishing thing I have ever done with my life.

[saltymama0331]

Thoughts I have often... so I am sitting on the toilet and of course my daughter is running around the bathroom playing with anything she can find, which is usually a tampon. I can't help but think. "How the fuck did you come out of my vagina." Still astonishing.

[saltymama0331]

Well it took 2 and a half years but I finally caught the Covid. The flu I had last month was 10x worse.

[typelikeagirl]

[saltymama0331]

Motherhood is: taking your bra off after a long day and a piece of gravel falls out because earlier you were prying it out of your toddlers hands before going into the house... and clearly you lost a piece... 😆 🤣

[angelic-baphomet]

[saltymama0331]

It's not that I want to dissappear. I don't want to die. I just want to stop feeling the way I do. I couldn't explain it if I tried. Maybe it's the loneliness, because it doesn't matter how hard I try nobody ever stays. Maybe it's the depression, because I continue to tread water never moving forward. Maybe it's the anxiety, always being afraid of failing others. Or maybe it's because all of this bundled up in my head is to much for me to handle. Maybe it's because I am a single mother in a world that is against me.

[sa-dnesss]

“I laugh when I talk about fucked up stuff that happened to me because showing emotion makes me want to tear my skin off”

—

[ihat3ev3rything]

No one notices your sadness until it turns into anger. Then you're a bad person.

[just-bex]

I can feel everyone getting sick of me, and to be honest I don’t blame them, I’m pretty sick of myself at this point.