// Okay so… I’m going to post a very vague explanation of why my activity on this blog dropped off a few months ago. And most my blogs in this fandom. I’m hoping by sort of explaining a little bit of it, it’ll sort of make me feel better about things. I’m not going into detail about stuff, I am not saying names, but this has been a massive source of anxiety for me since it happened. I’d say a great majority of you that I talk to already know about it. And while it is against my way to list people in my rules page to say I refuse to interact with people who are friends with certain people, I do have the right to cut people out if they interact with people that make me uncomfortable. I will not post anything attacking anyone for what happened, even if I think that it is unfair because I didn’t do anything wrong and was low-key being gaslighted by a ‘friend’. That person gets to go on and have fun with their friends while I am too anxious to write my favorite oc in the fandom lol. And then, to make it worse Tumblr KEEPS RECOMMENDING THEIR BLOGS TO ME. This person that I didn’t block because I had HOPED they would eventually realize they were wrong and maybe try to be friends with me again. Well, fuck it. If anyone wants more detail they can IM me or w/e. I have caps and all that because I was fucking floored by all this when it happened. It was a few months ago.
So basically I had been talking with this person since I first started in the fandom. They seemed super sweet. We plotted on my other blogs and had some threads going. They invited me to their in-game linkshell and stuff. I played the game with them and their friends a few times. So I basically talked to them one night and everything was fine and dandy. Next morning, they sent me a message accusing me of stealing from them. Why? Because Zerah and their OC both had the Echo and left their tribes. Despite the situations being incredibly different. Despite their character leaving because something happened that they didn’t agree with and my character being attempted murdered and left for dead because he couldn’t bring himself to murder someone for his leader. The tribe in my story is basically a cult. Very very different. The ONLY things that were similar were the fact that they both had the echo and are no longer with their tribe. Personality and everything, totally different. They even accused me of stealing something a friend said in the linkshell about their character that I never even saw, which I had posted a headcanon about WAY before anyway.
The weird thing about this is that we had been mutuals for quite a while and even had a thread. So they must have read my about page before and never thought it. But suddenly they did? Not to mention how fundamentally different the characters are in every single way aside from them both having the echo. After talking with them about it, the agreed that they were different. Only to hours later tell me that they still didn’t believe me. They told me they didn’t want to associate with me anymore and removed me from everything.
I thought of Zerah before I ever even started talking with them, and even after that I was afraid to do him on Tumblr because of how fucked up his backstory is. One of my good friends on the site convinced me to try him out and even helped me out with him.
I instantly went on hiatus because, despite literally everyone I talked to agreeing with me, I was really scared that people would believe this person because they seemed so sweet. I think they realized that they were wrong because they deleted their account and remade, they also never said anything to anyone that I know of. But I worried I wouldn’t even be able to defend myself if they did. Because like even if I know the truth, even if I know they were wrong, who would ever believe me? I was newer to the rpc. They also low-key gaslit me and seemed like they were trying to convince me I did it. Even though I didn’t. Zerah is 100% a character born from my trauma and my brain. It hurt really bad that someone would have such little respect in me. To not trust me despite being a friend. That they seemed like they were trying to convince me that I was guilty of this thing I knew that I wasn’t.
In a panic, I capped the entire conversation because I was terrified I would need it to defend myself. I know I did nothing wrong. Zerah is my favorite oc because he is a comfort character for me. He is a character I worked on for a long time and kept to myself out of fear of upsetting people. But it helps me work through my own issues to write him. And it just upsets me that someone was basically able to bully me away from him. I still don’t know how or why they thought this. If it was an anxiety attack or them just… deciding they didn’t want to talk to or write with me anymore and not caring at all about how much damage they did to me to cut me out. it’s literally the reason I remade roi since they were like one of my only partners there and seeing their blog made me upset.
Update: I wrote this post a very long time ago. I don’t care about people not liking me because of this anymore so I’m just going to post it. I am also going to remake this blog and completely redo my rules and change my about to be more faithful to my original version of this character. Some people may not like the new rules. I don’t care. Zerah is one of my favorite OCs and I haven’t been able to write him. I’m finally posting this and come what may. I want to start fresh with this character. Too much baggage. Too much me not doing what I want and/or being a pushover. I’m done with it. If you have anything to say, my ask/IM is open. I’ll post a link to the new blog when I’m done. or maybe I’ll just start following people. Idk. Thanks for listening if you read all of this. It’s been a wild ride. I refuse to let these issues ruin this fandom for me.
