Β Β Β Β Β Β His tail twitched curled around his leg as anxiety bubbled up in his chest, his heart thudding against his chest. He really did feel like he was going to be sick, and it didnβt help that he wanted to get away from the uncomfortable situation. But that would be immature, and it wouldnβt be fair on his partner. He couldnβt explain to her the main reasons why this made him uncomfortable; but the main one should be obvious. What they had wasβ¦ complicated. A baby was never part of that plan, and it would be unfair for everyone involved to make it even more complicated with the unplanned addition.
Β Β Β Β At her answer however, he only got more anxious. But he stayed still and listened to her, only nodding in response. It was taking all of his strength not to have a meltdown, but he was close to having one. It was a good thing that over the years he had learned of ways to prevent one from becoming full blown - a younger Adrien would not have coped as well and likely would have ran away or gone completely non-verbal at this point.
Β Β Β There was way too much going on at once. There wasnβt a lot of noise, but even the normal sounds of the city were becoming too much and overwhelming his senses. He wanted to just go home and crawl under a pile of blankets and never come out again. But what he wanted to do, and what he knew he needed to do were two entirely different things on opposite sides of the spectrum. β I understandβ¦ β He says softly in response to her saying she wanted to go through with the pregnancy.
Β Β Β He was uncomfortable with this, but not for the typical reasons one may think. Still, he had no authority over what she did with her body. If she didnβt feel comfortable getting an abortion, he wouldnβt try to influence her into getting one. This was just something he would have to deal with, and it was why therapy existed. He could deal with it, even if it seemed unbearable presently.
Β Β However, what hurt more was what came next. He knew that he would never get out of the relationship what he was looking for, but the truth still stung. He was content with what they had, but it was obvious that now they couldnβt even have this. He isnβt even sure if could continue on with their current affair. Not because he was opposed to being with someone who was pregnant, but because it didnβt feel right to him. He had gotten her pregnant, and he had hurt them both in the process. He could only hope that their baby would never find out who their parents were, and that there would be no hurt or animosity from them. He knew all too well what it was like to be unwanted.
Β Β His ears flattened a little, but not out of agitation, but out of sadness. He had tried so hard in the past not to be pushy about her emotions, and he extended that courtesy even while they were mid-fling. He respected her privacy on the matter, and he had wished in this case that it had stayed a mystery. Hearing it out loud was worse than just assuming. He canβt keep eye contact at this point, and so he looks away from her and to the side at the ground. Tears threaten to spill, but they donβt. Instead his eyes only shine brighter against the moon from the increased moisture.
Β Β But still, he couldnβt be mad at her. He was hurt, but he still loved her. Part of him was resentful that he still did, because he always knew how this would end. It wasnβt like she had been dishonest with him, because she hadnβt. It was clear from the start that this wouldnβt lead anywhere but to disaster. He takes a minute before looking back to her. His expression was akin to that of a kicked puppy, and it took him a moment to find the words he was looking for. Even then, he couldnβt manage to say much.
Β β Do what you feel you need to do. I trust you to do whatβs best, and Iβm always here if you need help. β Thereβs a pause, as if heβs hesitant to say what he wants to say next.Β β But I think that for both of usβ¦ Itβs probably better if we end what we had goingβ¦ Before either of us ends up more hurt than we already are. β That was probably reasonable, all things considered. β You know that I love you, but I canβt keep chasing someone who canβt be caught. Not like that. β There was probably some regret on his end, but only because he had ended up hurting her. That was the last thing that he wanted to happen.
Why had those words stung so much?
She didnβt understand it but the last thing he had said to her had somehow served to hurt her. Though she knew in her heart that it wasnβt the reason he had said it. He didnβt intend to hurt her. And yet it had happened. Why? Why did it have to inflict such pain on her?
She knew he was right. They couldnβt keep this charade going. It was unfair to the both of them even if they both found comfort in each other as a result of it. But it resulted in a baby that neither of them wanted. To end this was for the best. And yet....Ladybug felt...broken? This decision had served to make the tears flow more freely from her eyes, luckily she had already been in tears just from the news of her pregnancy. So Chat Noir wouldnβt think anything of it.
βI-I understand...β her words came out a little softer, her voice cracking slightly as she uttered them.
Squeezing his hands tighter for a brief moment, she leaned in to kiss his cheek. A soft and gentle kiss, her lips lingering against him. Until finally, she drew back and released her hold on him at the same time.Β βIβm s-sorry, so sorry if I hurt you,β she continued in a whisper, knowing she could still hear him despite her change in tone. Ladybug didnβt know why but she felt as if her heart was breaking in two. She hadnβt realized just how comfortable she had gotten with their affair or how much it soothed her. Not until...well, this. She had allowed herself to slip into a routine that she had deemed as safe. A routine that she had believed would result in no painful consequences to either of them.
Little did she realize she had set them both up for pain and heart break.Β
As if the situation wasnβt already bad as it was. It had just gotten a thousand times worse. She couldnβt even comprehend right now how she could go on to see him every day for their patrols or to fight off akuma attacks. How she could even bring herself to be out here and be by her partnerβs side when one look at him could shatter her to pieces.
Lifting a hand to cover her mouth, she took a few steps back from him.Β βI-Iβm so, so, sorry Kitty...forgive me,β once more she apologized. Not only had she lost her chances with Adrien but now she had caused herself to lose Chat as well.Β
No, she hadnβt lost him, heβd still be by her side. But nothing would be the same ever again and she didnβt know how she could ever face that. How she could come to terms with the pain sheβd feel each time they got together. It was too difficult a pill to swallow.
She needed some space, some solitude. But she didnβt want to abandon him. She knew he was just as miserable and hurt by this as she was. No, that wasnβt right either. He was hurting worse. He knew now that she still loved Adrien - even if he didnβt know who the guy was - and he knew there was no chance of them being with each other and having a life together. He was there for her, had been on numerous occasions but she had destroyed the solace she had afforded him in their time together. She had stolen his happiness from him, abandoned him in some form even if he had been the one to sever their affair.
The truth was, she had driven him to it. Regret filled her immediately and she wanted nothing more than to take it all back. To wrap her arms around him, to hold him and promise to fight for what they had but she couldnβt. They didnβt have the love he wished for with her or that she wished for with someone else. They didnβt have the key thing to keep them together. Best friends was the most she could provide for him and that was where their relationship ended.Β
She hadnβt realized just how badly she had messed up in giving him a sliver of what he truly desired. Or in giving her a taste of what she could have honestly had.Β
Everything was ruined. At least that was how she felt right now. She had destroyed it all and broken the both of them. Ladybug may have been a hero to Paris but to herself and to Chat Noir, she felt more like a villain. What they had was precious but now it was gone forever.
βI hope you find our happiness one day, Chat, I wish it could have been me but...β moving to wipe the tears from her eyes, she took a few steps back and forced a smile onto her lips.Β βDonβt worry about anything,β the red heroine attempted to reassure him vaguely in hopes that heβd just agree and question nothing further of it.Β βM-maybe we should get going? Iβll be alright alone that is...unless you need me?β
She didnβt care about her pain. She could deal with it, but if he needed her then sheβd stay. However, the brunette doubted that her presence would be much help to him right now. She knew how sheβd have felt if the situation was reversed after all. So if he wanted her to leave or stay, it was ultimately his decision now.
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