I wish for us-
This year of knowing you has been
One of the most incredible, growth-filled, brightly coloured, truth-filled years on this earth. It has been equal parts pure happiness and painful growth, but every moment of this year has also been deeply rooted in joy.
It has been a year of knowing myself, truly, through and with another soul. Opening when I would have always run. Slowing down, listening, shifting, standing, deepening, sharing.
But, the other day, my love, you wrenched my heart- again, and I thought I might need to walk away,
You told me our relationship could be one of a chosen reality, that we create what we want and how we want to feel.
In previous moments, I would have nodded and moved on, but this screamed.
I sharply disagreed with you. I still do.
I do not want a perfect, painless, rose-tinted reality that we curate. That is a foundation made of cushioning, separation, and carefully chosen words.
This is not a love I think worthy of us.
We can manifest a love that is true.
A partnership. Built with all the light, the smiles, the chest-bursting joy we can manage; but also built from the mud, the dirt of our truest souls. The messy, clawing darkness, the fear that love brings to light.
I do not wish to erase the scalding showers I’ve sat in, numbed and confused, nor the tear-stained earth under the trees I’ve run to for comfort. I never want you to hide your aching tears from my chest. We are fire and air, my dear.
Our love is an embrace as much it is an exploration; as much of ourselves as one another. You help to reflect what I have not yet seen alone- and I can only hope to do this for you as well.
Realising that freedom and commitment are not polar opposites,
but necessary for one another to remain truly alive,
Living, moving, growing into these truths;
waiting where we are not yet
Total commitment.
Total love.
Total acceptance.
These are true. not perfect,
never perfect in practice. But, they are. We are.
You are.
I am.
- A love that is worthy of you and I
