Sam Edison Gyorfi

my thoughts. not known for grammar or punctuation.

[samgyorfi-blog]

How to think. Not what or why, but how. 

My brain has been ‘off’ for a few weeks, not off-track or off-kilter, switched off. I don't know if many who fancy themselves thinkers experience this phenomenon as I have, weeks of intentional thought and activity leading to weeks of power saving mode only to lead to sudden overwhelming awareness. It is not an apathy or laziness, I have been rather productive and certainly very busy, it just seems... new. 

Recently I visited a church in Zurich to explore a call and it went fantastically well (took the position, answer to prayers, etc.).  Since accepting the job though I have found myself to be moving forward into an area that I know little to nothing about while simultaneously my brain has decided to take a slight rest from its normal theological and philosophical exploration of life. It’s almost as if suddenly I have looked up and realized I have no idea how to move forward, or how to even think properly. Sort of how I imagine a time traveler feeling when they suddenly jolt ahead and spend a while to get accustomed to their new surroundings. It’s like I have suddenly become aware of my lack of understanding in how to proceed. I know nothing. 

Many people will say things like, ‘the older they are the less they know,’ or ‘the more I know the more I don't know.’ Yes but you also know a lot more. People say those things to try and sound humble and the reality is we learn more each and every day. Sort of like how people write journals hoping one day they will be discovered and published to great posthumous fame. This isn't like that, I am simply finding myself in a completely new situation and I have no idea how to even think, much less act. Taking a job, selling a house, moving internationally, and trying to feel normal about it all. When it is decidedly NOT normal. There are emotional reactions from friends and family, uncertainty in career and future, and I'm fighting this odd internal battle of selfishness and thankfulness. Selfishness to my own ends and thankfulness for those who have been on the journey with me.

How do I even begin to think about all of this? Do I think on a macro scale at the risk of hurting the micro? If I only consider the grand plan and the move and eagerly await the future, I neglect those I love and risk making them feel as if I am bolting far away without care for them. On the other hand, if I stay only in the present and only consider the needs of those around me while lingering in the circumstance how have I done justice to those I am attempting to serve and shepherd in the future? How do I move forward while staying in the present? I don't know how to think. I am limited. 

Maybe I can blame childhood? Maybe its not my fault? Or, maybe I can make others serve my ends and manipulate them into thinking they are validated by helping when really its my own selfishness that tricked them? The fools! Of course none of these are reality. I am on a new journey operating with new circumstance yet to be understood, if at all, and its kinda scary.

While I am not so arrogant as to compare myself to the Apostle Paul, I certainly admire and look to his as an example of Christlikeness. “Give no offense to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God, just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved. Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” 1 Corinthians 10:31-11:1. I also consider his goodbye to the Ephesian elders in Acts chapter 20:17-35 as a beautiful example of balance as well. Paul thought of his goal, his mission, that other would know Christ in all things. How do we balance like that? 

How do we THINK in times of change and confusion? It seems to me an important question. What are our ends and how do we mean to accomplish them? Learning how to think in new circumstance is not easy for me, I am a creature of habit who tends to prefer the big picture and ignore details. Maybe you are the opposite, and you need more big picture. Maybe you have balance, and your balance and life experience can help others find the same. 

How do we think? It’s a helpful question to me. 

[samgyorfi-blog]

a tall hobbit.

As I wrap up reading The Lord of the Rings I cannot help but fall more in love with it, and with story. Favorite books, movies, and stories we tell friends all have a profound impact on daily life. We hear a funny anecdote or compelling human-interest piece on the news and it evokes an emotional response. Story, whether fictional or truth (still not decided on LOTR specifically) can even affect mood, relationship, work, and family life. Story has the power to motivate us or crush us in defeat. It is a fickle creature.

Some critics categorize LOTR or stories like it as fantasy, myth, escapism, and even nonsensical time wasting. Yet we all connect with adventure. I have not met one person who does not desire to live some sort of adventure, some kind of compelling life story. It is in all of us. It is certainly in me, which is why I connect so well with Hobbits; simple creatures that like simple life without any adventures. Good simple food, tasty ale, and a fine garden are plenty for me if I’m honest. Tolkien wrote of Hobbits in a way that we would all see and understand a bit of ourselves, simple folk sometimes called to do great things. I mention this for two reasons. First, I love the imagery of LOTR and think much of Tolkien’s theology comes through the pages brilliantly. He conveys truths of scripture without allegory or overt biblical themes. Instead of his story reminding me of real life, I feel that life reminds me of his story. His myth is deep and tangible. Second, I am preparing for an adventure myself, and it scares me.

 Frodo asks Gandalf; “Why was I chosen?” Gandalf’s response is one we can all learn from; “Such questions cannot be answered… You may be sure that it was not for any merit that others do not possess. But you have been chosen, and you must therefore use such strength and heart and wits as you have.”

 We all have different paths set before us in life. As we all know we are different, with unique abilities and gifting’s. Some may say that ‘life has a way of working itself out’ or that we will ‘end up where we are supposed to.’ But that is nonsense. Life is not in control, God is. The God of the bible, the same God and bible Tolkien believed in with all his heart has chosen us all for the paths that lay before us. God has set before us paths that align with our wits and strengths, those intangibles also provided by the God of the universe. It may be a bit of a circular argument but I prefer an omnipotent intelligent designer to chance, nature, and guesswork. So did Tolkien.

“The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.”

As I prepare for what lies ahead, love mingled with grief, I am fortunate to be able to look back as well and see a similar road. In all areas of life there is no perfection. There is only our willingness to continue along the road and so do what seems best. Time will tell the whole story. But the joys of the adventure are not knowing for certain what is to come.

Years ago I was lucky enough to visit the Lake District in England, where Tolkien drew much of his inspiration for the Shire. As a young man I never thought I would get to see such a sight, and it still brings me inspiration and joy. I hope and pray my next adventures bring much of the same, though I suppose such questions cannot be answered.

[samgyorfi-blog]

Thank You note.

"In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit.”

Tolkien penned that line in out of thin air while grading papers, though I would argue it a divine inspiration. From that thought Tolkien wondered what a Hobbit was, what sort of world this creature lived in, and what sort of other creatures lived in that world. From that thought came the single best work of fiction ever written. Thank you Professor Tolkien. Thank you for your imagination, conviction, devotion, and thank you most of all for sharing it with us. 

When I was in high school my older brother was home for the summer and furiously reading through some weird fantasy books. He told me they were great and I should read them before these major movies were going to come out the following year. At the time, fifteen year old Sam was not a reader, nor did I want to be a reader. However, for some reason or another (I had probably lost television and social privileges for poor grades, a common occurrence) I was curious. So I bought a box set from a bookstore including The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. My journey began with those same words about a Hobbit. I read through the tale of the ring twice before the movies came out. Then again each year before the next movie was released. After that, I began to devour every other work Tolkien wrote on Middle Earth. I was so amazed at the depth of thought he put into one book. The languages, history, and mythology was beyond what I could have ever imagined when a group of dwarves, a hobbit, and a wizard set off from the shire. 

What is truly special to me about The Lord of the Rings is not that I can read, and re-read it, a seemingly infinite number of times. It is precious to me because it has ruined fiction for me. I can still read and enjoy fiction to some degree, but everything else seems somewhat lazy in comparison. Similar tales by MacDonald and Lewis often draw comparison, but when reading faerie stories I long for more detail, and when reading about Narnia I long for histories of Archenland and Calormen. Modern fiction is ruined by humanist philosophy with no direction or satisfaction, leaving the reader cynical and morose. Even good books like Harry Potter leave me wanting more. Nothing is quite the same as entering Middle Earth and hearing the great tale of the ring again. I even become envious when I hear that someone is reading the books for the first time, or someone has forgotten about the tale of Bilbo and decides to re-read it. 

I write this thank you note because it has been over two years since I have read my favorite story and it begins anew today. The same versions that I bought at age fifteen, worn and tattered the way a favorite book should be. As I eagerly await the adventure to start again (and to sit fireside on a snowy afternoon while reading) I paused to write this thank you note. This work of fiction is more than a story to me. In difficult times of life, arduous periods of waiting and prayer, I find great comfort in the work of Tolkien. Thank you Professor Tolkien. 

[samgyorfi-blog]

“What passes for reasoning is often rationalizing, and our deeper reason knows it. Moral absolutism is not arrogant but humble. It claims absolute status for principles, not for our knowledge of them. It is moral relativism that is arrogant, both because it will not bow to principles and because it plays God in assuming we can know the future, the consequences, like a soldier disobeying his orders because he thinks he knows better than his commanding officer.” 

- Peter J. Kreeft

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Paperweights.

The Apostle Paul: 

“The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”a made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Eternal glory is heavy. Remember when you first discovered paperweights as a kid? I remember my neighbors father had a huge egg shaped stone on his desk, a coral color and polished to perfection. I remember marveling at its immense weight, then wanting to see how far I could throw it (I had a bit of a destructive streak), though I never did. Or trying to dig up a large stone or tree stump in your yard, its often amazing how dense and heavy they can turn out to be. Even though this seems an overly-simplistic analogy, I think the point rings true, the weight of glory can surprises us. 

We became believers to have some insurance for eternity. We decided we would believe in the God of the Bible as the best possible route and trajectory for our life. However, along the way there are some difficult, sometimes harsh realities that come with it. As Shane Claiborne wrote in The Irresistible Revolution, “I had it together. I used to be cool. And then I met Jesus and he wrecked my life.” This is the realization of Glory we all go through. The problem with having a jealous God is that he does not share glory when we selfishly seek it for ourselves. We try to lift ourselves up and keep things neat and tidy and God doesn't desire neat and tidy, he desires all of our affection, praise, and adoration. As the apostle Paul wrote almost two thousand years ago, the god of this age has blinded us to His glory, but our job is to reveal glory. And all of this is for our benefit! that we would be renewed day by day, because the eternal glory, the big picture, it outweighs it all. 

Faith is hard. Faith is especially hard when we want to look good to others and feel like we have it all together. I want to look good to family. I want to prove that I can be as smart and successful as my friends. Unfortunately, my drive to do so, even with good intentions, has landed me in times of focusing on what is seen, not what is unseen. While I should be focusing on the grace that is reaching more and more people to overflow to the glory of God, I have halted that process for my own glory. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed. The tension this creates is palpable, we are to live for the eternal glory of God, while not worrying about the anxieties of tomorrow. We are to be honest, diligent, and hard working; but not for our own glory. And we are all learning how, together. 

Let us continue to learn and practice that which is unseen. And let the weight of glory not surprise us, but let it become habitually amazing. Amen. 

[samgyorfi-blog]

Today was another hard day. Gods plan is often difficult and taxing. It brings us to a place of submission and weakness. 

Lord, deliver me soon. Before I have an Elijah broom tree moment (1 Kings 19). 

Trying to think of something profound. But I am at a loss for words.

That being said, I got a nice skate sesh in with some awesome border collies (pay no attention to the white dog’s crazy eye, thats just Henry being Henry). And that is a gift.  

[samgyorfi-blog]

Hard Days.

“Restore us to yourself, O Lord, that we may be restored! Renew our days as of old - unless you have utterly rejected us, and you remain exceedingly angry with us.” 

This, THIS is how the book of Lamentations ends, how brutal. Anyone who says the Bible is full of fairy tales and ‘feel-goodery’ has obviously never read it. This entire book is the lament of those who are in exile, potentially written by the prophet Jeremiah, to repent of sins, and it is brutally honest.

Today has been a hard day if I’m honest. I desire so much to work in some-sort of ministry/teaching role and to help the global Church in any way I can. But the doors continues to shut on me, in both the church and education worlds. I am growing fearful, I am beginning to wonder if my foundation is actually solid. Like Han Solo when they land on the ‘asteroid’ in The Empire Strikes Back (which is superior to ROTJ in every way). I read the book of Lamentations for this reason, to commiserate. 

We all have days such as these don't we? Days we wish we were more positive, days we wish we could wax poetic about the great things the Lord has done, which He certainly has. However, I’m not convinced days like today are bad days. They are days where we confess our sin and lack of faith. They are days where we truly long for the Lord because we know there is no other fulfillment in this life. Lamentations is a great book, and sadly overlooked by many. I cannot say that I have ever heard a sermon on Lamentations, only a verse or two taken suspiciously close to out of context for some obscure reason. 

I know today, if nothing else, the Lord has not “utterly rejected” me or my desire to serve. Either the Bible is true, or it’s not. I believe it is true. With that belief and truth comes with it the promise of redemption and identity. 

Today is simply a hard day. But in the words of Johnny Cash (one of my heroes), "The Master of Life's been good to me. He has given me strength to face past illnesses, and victory in the face of defeat. He has given me life and joy where other saw oblivion. He Has given new purpose to live for, new services to render and old wounds to heal. Life and love go on, let the music play."

[samgyorfi-blog]

‘What if I ruin Heaven?’

I have been involved in youth ministry for over a decade and in all my time asking questions and fielding them I have had a few I have never forgotten. One Wednesday night we were having a very serious discussion on heaven. The talk stemmed from modern day students having the serious concern that heaven will be boring. My presumption of this fear is rooted in the repetition of praise worship mixed with the boring way we do church in evangelical circles. Singing “I could sing of your love forever” forever would make many want to call God a sadist. I even remember my youth worship leader singing that chorus for minutes at a time challenging students to find joy in it and praise God through it; it’s no small wonder many people think heaven will be boring and repetitive. I always pictured a bunch of people in robes just singing songs and just kind of standing around on gold streets. Boring, but pretty.

During the conversation a young man asked if we would have free will in heaven (a difficult question with a predictable trajectory). In short time we surmised that most likely we would indeed have free will in heaven as a defining characteristic of love from God our father. At this point I was thinking myself a tremendous youth pastor, having an in-depth conversation about theology with thirty young people. The young man voiced a very legitimate concern; “what if I ruin heaven for everyone by sinning like Adam and Eve did?”

First of all, what fifteen-year-old mind thinks of that question? Second, I will never forget the look of concern behind his eyes in asking the question. My immediate answer in my head was “I don’t know, lets save that for next week.” But for such a lofty question prompted by real concern I knew an answer had to be achieved quickly. So, whether you are a pastor, parent, friend, or some other authority figure, what would your answer be?

Clearly there are lofty theological principles at work here and seemingly endless potential avenues stemming from whatever answers can be achieved. My first thought was a simple analogy I had once heard years ago, whether it was helpful or not depends on the hearer. Suppose you have a flat electric cooktop stove, one of those ones that lights up bright orange when turned on. One day as you go to heat water to make a cup of tea your curiosity gets the best of you, the glowing bright light is too much to resist. So you reach out and place your palm flat upon the surface and wait to see what happens. With a somewhat predictable outcome, you run over to the sink, run your hand under water to relieve the burning sensation and hope its not so bad to warrant an emergency room visit. Lesson learned. Pending some sort of idiotic wager or brutal coercion, you will never do that again, ever.

What if Heaven is just that simple? The same way we can clearly see stupid things we have done and never will do again on earth, what if we look back on sin with the same simplicity? I surely cannot guarantee this opinion, however, I believe that when we are complete, and without sin, the mere thought of sin will seem as silly as placing our hand on a hot stove. Perhaps this line of thinking is optimistically arrogant and will only lead to a false sense of security. Or, perhaps, it is just that simple. Consider the example of Jesus Christ, fully man and fully God placed on earth and lived without sin. Why was he able to resist the sin we clearly cannot? The best answer to that question is the same reason we wont ‘ruin’ heaven, true communion with God with trump any and all desire to ever sin again. I believe the reason Jesus was able to withstand such great temptation is because he knew and understood what only two other people in the history of the world experienced, communion with God.

Adam and Eve are the only other people to understand what this potentially could mean for us in Heaven. However, the astute mind instantly realizes, Adam and Eve still sinned in the midst of being in communion with God, so how can that be an argument for resisting sin in Heaven? They had never touched the stove, we have. I am not sure to what detail and depth we will remember our earthly lives while in eternity, I don’t think anyone really knows for sure. We know so little of what eternity will be like we are left to guess about a great many things. This young man was clearly concerned about ruining it all, for everyone. Then conversation continued on for some time without a definitive answer. I remember ending the evening conversation with something similar to this;

“There are a lot of things the Bible does not give complete explanations of, I wish it did. I do know that God has repeatedly told us of His love for us, and that we are his children, children whom he would do anything for. If that is true, and I believe it is, I believe that being with God, finally, the way we were meant to be in the Garden of Eden, will be like nothing we can prepare for. I believe it will be so fulfilling of our every desire, we will want for nothing and we will be eternally satisfied. I do believe we will have free will in Heaven, but I don’t think leaving God and rebelling will ever be on our radar again.”

I could be wrong. Ask my wife, I am wrong all the time. But I don’t think I am wrong about this one.

Many people write today about ‘millenials,’ about who they are, what they are, and why they are the way that they are. I am not sure what the generation behind millenials will be called or if ‘they’ have come up with a name yet, but amidst all the problems and people who think they are selfish and soft, there are great strengths in millenials and future generations. The young man who asked this question was deeply concerned, partly for himself, but also for others. In talking to him about this after the fact he expressed a deep care for his family, friends, even for me, that he wouldn’t want to ruin Heaven for me, because I seemed so excited about it. If millenials and future generations have been overly coddled and lack moral fiber, then they excel at sensitivity towards others and empathy for those they love.

Though younger generations may not have the toughness and determination older generations possess, they have the ability to do great things nonetheless. Conversations such as this about Heaven can help to build a foundational understanding of God and theology that can take selfishness from people and lead to service in the Kingdom of God; both now and for eternity. Evangelism used to be fire and brimstone, fear-based afterlife insurance. That worked for a lot of people for a long time. Then it molded into community-focused togetherness that recruited ‘baby boomers,’ and ‘generation x’ is doing its own thing.  

People are wanting the Church to work, people want to believe in something. Now, people need theology, young men and women need teaching to help make sense of the world they live in and their life experience. Just hearing that something is true is not good enough anymore. When science is providing empirical truths to nature’s mysteries theology needs to keep up and help provide answers to young men and women through conversation and relationship. I am not saying my stove analogy is great theology, by any means. It was an avenue to have a theological conversation with a young man who was wrestling with deep, somewhat confusing, unknowable issues.

[samgyorfi-blog]

Christmas Nostalgia

Remember Christmas as a kid? It was just so great. Sure there were ups and downs and sometimes we didn't get the gift we wanted (or ever). But more often than not when most people think of Christmas they think of the highlights as children, the nostalgia of waking up early, riding new bikes, building new legos, playing with new dolls. I think of cinnamon rolls and playing with cousins, a full house of family I loved being around all the time. 

But then you grow up, start sleeping in, family spreads out, traditions change, and we long for the things of the past. There are always things to look forward to, but its never quite the same, is it? 

While reading Bonhoeffer this morning on the topic of advent a point he made created some conviction and thought; should I be more excited as and adult for Christmas than I was as a child? While the emphasis of excitement may be different, the foundation ought to be broader and more substantive. While Jesus did praise children in Matthew 19:13-15 and Mark 9:36-37, we still have the ability for the same excitement we used to have. 

The benefit of having lived some life is having been through trials and  seen storms come. We have more contrast and awareness. We look back to times of nostalgia because we know things won't always be as great as before. We become skeptics in the light of circumstance and temper expectations of joy. But this is a season of Advent, a season of waiting expectedly, not for vacation and gifts but for the celebration what was done long ago, and what will be done again. 

We wait for the second advent and joyfully celebrate the first. We gather in the name of Christ (while eating cookies and meatballs) to celebrate our justification and longingly look forward to our glorification. The day when the promises of Revelation 21:4 are fulfilled:

“HE will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” 

Advent is indeed about celebrating the incarnation and birth of Christ, what was done long ago that justifies us in the eye of a jealous and holy God. We are thankful and nostalgic for the past and our salvation. It is similar to our own past memories and joy’s we have lived. However, shouldn't we have more to celebrate now? Should we not be more joyful and eager for advent knowing the need for redemption and healing in this world? 

May your Christmas be filled with love and joy this week. I pray that I would be ever more excited for the coming King, more than I ever was for legos.

(but for the record, legos are awesome and if I wasn't still unemployed I would probably buy some)

[samgyorfi-blog]

"I wonder if depression in the spiritual life does not mean that we have forgotten that prayer is grace. The deep realization that all fruits of the spiritual life are gifts of God should make us smile, and liberate us from and deadly seriousness. We can close our eyes as tightly as we can clasp our hands as firmly as possible, but God speaks only when he wants to speak. When we realize this our pressing, pushing, and pulling become quite amusing. Sometimes we act like a child that closes his eyes and thinks that he can make the whole world go away. 

After having done everything to make some space for God, it is still God who comes on his own initiative. But we have a promise upon which to base our hope: The promise of his love. So our life can rightly be a waiting in expectation, but waiting patiently and with a smile. then, indeed, we shall be really surprised and full of joy and gratitude when he comes.”  - Nouwen

Ah, advent, what a peculiar time of year. I suppose we are all waiting for something, we all press and push God in some way. I might even argue that those who claim atheism push God to remain silent with their logic, unbelief, and constant chatter. Yet we who claim belief are guilty of the same sin on the opposite swing of the pendulum, aren’t we? We call on God in prayer to move and act and speak and heal. Yet have we forgotten that prayer is in fact God’s grace? Or is prayer our right? Hasn't God made promises? Can we not hold his proverbial feet to the fire? 

Advent is a season of waiting. Sometimes we seek and answer, sometimes we are running from the answer. Sometimes we miss it altogether. 

The incarnation is a gift. Historically Christians use this season as a time to celebrate that gift. In a similar vein prayer also is a gift of God, though we have taken it as a right, a right that has lead to arrogance and self-reliance (which is funny because the very nature of prayer is intercession to a higher being for help). It seems to be the nature of all gifts among our broken humanity, they become rights and expectations leading to pride and assumptions. A silly paradox we have created I think. 

Let us learn to wait and receive gifts openly and without expectation. Let us learn to wait on prayer with a smile, eagerly seeking the presence of God. May we consider the incarnation as the gift it is, prompting us to wait well, to loosen our grasp on life and see the joy and gratitude the gifts of God may bring us. 

[samgyorfi-blog]

Couldn't Help Myself.

If you haven't seen this story, check it out:

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/12/17/us/wheaton-college-professor-larycia-hawkins-muslim-scarf.html

I am not usually a reactionary-type person to respond to the popular stories of the day, however, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to shamelessly support my alma mater and it’s current leadership. 

Initial reports and headlines have been published with the intent of causing outrage, that a conservative Christian college professor was fired for wearing a hijab. The truth obviously receives less ‘clicks’ and is less provocative; a professor at Wheaton College is placed on administrative leave following comments in opposition to a statement of faith the professor knowingly signed and upheld for years. The NYT headline is the most balanced one I could find, and is still misleading and poorly reported. The professor was not placed on leave for supporting Muslims, but for contradicting her own stated beliefs in a signed document she willingly affirmed.

Professor Hawkins posted on her Facebook (or some other social media outlet) that Christians and Muslims worship the “same God.” She has decided to wear a hijab in solidarity to Muslims around the world being wrongly persecuted because of their faith. As a Christian I encourage her resolve and desire to Love those who are being persecuted. As a theologian I cringe at the caviler attitude with which she defines the God of the universe.

I am fully aware that there are similarities in the Quran and the Bible. The ancient Judeo-Christian texts name God of Abraham similarly to the Quran. But to read the Holy Bible and to believe it as the inerrant Word of God is to realize that it is not the “same God” as Professor Hawkins stated, whom she quoted from Pope Francis (who also missed the boat on this). Yes, God is a God of love, mercy, and grace. Yet to read scripture and believe that Jesus was who he said he was (’the way the truth and the life’ in John 14:6), is to believe that the God Evangelical Christians believe in is unique. Jesus is either the Son of God and the only way to heaven or not, plain and simple. 

For Wheaton College and President Ryken to place this professor on leave was the absolutely the correct move. She made a public statement in opposition to her own word in her signing the statement of faith (found here: http://www.wheaton.edu/About-Wheaton/Statement-of-Faith-and-Educational-Purpose) and the College has every right to evaluate her ability to teach within their religious beliefs. 

For those who are outraged by this, especially Christians; consider what you personally believe. We cannot take the Bible piece by piece but only as a whole. So while Jesus commanded we love one another, he also said the he will return to earth and separate the righteous from the wicked, and that line of demarcation is defined clearly in the life and teaching of Jesus alongside all of scripture. Muslims do not acknowledge the Gospel of Jesus Christ, plain and simple. I do not worship the ‘same God’ as the Muslim faith. I believe in all of scripture to convey truth about God. I am proud of Wheaton and their commitment to theological truth in a politically correct age when truth is labelled as bigotry. 

We love our neighbor regardless of faith. We lay our lives down for all that they may know the truth. But we do not compromise the truth of Christ. 

[claridon]

If you want to be happy do not pray for discernment.

A. W. Tozer.

(via claridon)

[samgyorfi-blog]

worry. worship. atonement.

What if you could have an open, honest conversation with God about your future, would that help any anxiety or trepidation? In my adolescence I often remember thinking that if I could just see Jesus, if I could have been a disciple, or witnessed a miracle, this would be easier. As faith becomes more mature and time goes by, we either believe or we don’t, and uncertainty oft transfers from faith in past events to future questions. Would I have the bravery to have a conversation with God about my future, to demand answers? I am not so sure.

We all have seasons in life of uncertainty that produce anxiety. Sometimes our futures seem like a giant blank canvas, with limitless possibilities, and other times it seems limited, boring, and all but written in stone. Many millennials today feel that theirs is the prior, while older generations may feel the latter, stuck. No matter what our thoughts or predispositions, the unknown of what is to be produces anxiety in all of us. Jesus spoke clearly to anxiety in Matthew (6:25-34) in a discourse we are all familiar with; birds do not reap or sow, wildflowers do not stress about their beauty, and how much more does God love us than them? If you are like me, you have often run to this teaching and earnestly prayed for a relief, for a trust and faith that does not produce anxiety but peace. To God’s credit peace has often come. I have been comforted and found solace here, but it has also produced a sense of personal insecurity; why must I keep coming back here? How many times must anxiety grasp my thoughts until I find maturity and overcome? And how many people out there wonder this same question but instead of moving forward in faith regress in shame a guilt at their lack of faith? Many people were raised to believe that a lack of faith is almost unforgivable, which can then produce shame in a persons thought life, a shame they attempt to resolve on their own. Just because you don’t put a smile on your face and say, “Don’t worry, God will provide” (truth though it may be) does not mean you lack faith. We circle around this idea over and over, year after year.

What if there is another way to think about future and anxiety?

Consider the story of blind Bartimaeus in the Gospel of Mark (10:46-52). Look at the question Jesus asks him; “What do you want me to do for you?” Many pastor’s have said this was an obvious question given the man’s disability, that Jesus asked a silly, obvious question. I disagree. I think Jesus asked a poignant question that we all must consider; put yourself in a similar position and consider, what if Jesus asked me that question? You have come to the feet of Jesus, a loving, caring, savior who desires good for you, amidst your anxieties and fears and he looks you in the eyes (assuming you are not blind); “What do you want me to do for you?”

Suddenly I am not so sure I want to have an open dialogue with God about my future, it feels petty, but yet does not produce guilt or shame, just insignificant. When considering the physical act of looking my savior in the eye and whining about my insecurities, I want to change my mind quickly, and my list of needs gets very small. Instead of feeling guilt about anxiety, my heart is filled with a desire for worship and service. I want to fall at his feet and respond; “nothing, you have done enough for me!” But I think he still asks, like a father who gives good gifts; “What do you want me to do for you?” It is almost as if Jesus is saying, I have done enough, but I desire to do more, I love you. My circumstances and felt needs (meeting felt needs is NOT sanctification) begin to wither and die, and kneeling before my God and King in worship I desire to serve, to find avenues to love more, to care more, and to lay aside all that created previous anxieties.

The desire of my heart is to worship amidst insecurity and anxiety, but I must come to a place at his feet in prayer and submission to do so. I am convinced we as Christians give far too much power to that which we cannot control, yet instead of producing guilt and shame, I believe God intends for that which we cannot control to produce worship and service. A loving personal God has interceded on our behalf to fulfill our desires, and produce new desires of worship and service, or prayer and devotion. This is the beauty of the atonement! We are transformed, and likewise our desires can be transformed. In the Old Testament a man named Job desired to speak with God, it did not go well for him. His desire was out of anxiety and uncertainty about his future (probably rightly so) and God reminded him sternly who was actually in control. In the New Testament Jesus does the same thing but in a way that reminds us of God’s LOVE alongside his power:

“What do you want me to do for you?”

The power we see in the book of Job is still present, Jesus isn't soft, he heals Bartimaeus instantly, then and there. Jesus adds another dimension, the human element, the approachable nature of our God that is displayed on the cross and perfected in the atonement. We are forgiven, free from guilt and shame and free to fall at his feet in worship. I am fairly certain we cannot overcome all anxiety and uncertainty on this side of heaven, however, when Jesus tells us not to worry, its not a command to simply stop. I believe Jesus is in both passages reminding his followers of God’s love for them and showing what matters most in times of uncertainty and unknowing.

[samgyorfi-blog]

Phantastes

“As in all sweetest music, a tinge of sadness was in every note. Nor do we know how much of the pleasures even of life we owe to the intermingled sorrows. Joy cannot unfold the deepest truths, although deepest truth must be deepest joy. Cometh white-robed sorrow, stooping and wan, and flingeth wide the doors she may not enter. Almost we linger with sorrow for very love.” 

- George MacDonald (a personal hero of mine)

[samgyorfi-blog]

?

Giving up a job offer is not easy, especially when you have been looking for a job for eight months. Though I haven’t been unemployed for that long, working at a grocery store probably isn't my calling as a teacher/pastor. Which brings me to my rant, how do we balance vocation and calling as Christians?

Having finished my M.A. after a decade of ministry experience I often wonder, could I ever have a ‘normal’ job? Sitting in a pew and listening to other teachers is difficult for me when I have no one to teach. For the last eighteen months I have been weighing the idea of a vocation against a calling. Calling is a difficult word to define, until you are faced with it directly and are forced to define it. Today I am faced to put words around ‘calling’ and either accept or decline a position, and today it is the latter. I know I am not ‘called’ to the position in question. But how?

At the risk of a lengthy diatribe on discernment and choices I want to address the issue as I see it, being directly in the middle of it, turning down employment when it seems to be the only thing I can think about these days. Firstly, I think the process of such decisions is a lot longer than we realize, compounding important to decisions to recent memory is foolish. I believe that God is constantly working in our lives and growing us, there is no wasted time or stop gaps in God’s plan for our lives, save those we make ourselves with foolish choices. This being the case, my rejection of this job is months, perhaps years in the making. Setting aside my life history and laborious details therein, I believe our desires for our future come from past experience of God and development of gifts. It is this combination that provides our wants and desires moving forward vocationally and regarding calling, for me it is teaching the Bible in a classroom and/or from behind a pulpit (probably both). This job is clearly in line with known desires I have though, so what is the problem? We are not simple beings, we are not simple computers with one function. We are complex entities of relationship, spiritual gifts, longing, fears, and seemingly balancing nonstop tensions.

We all make choices every day, choices to connect or disconnect, to love or be selfish, to create or observe, to pursue God or not. For weeks, months, and years these choices give us experience, wisdom, memories, and desires. Taking our experience in the midst of choice creates discernment and wisdom. Simply put, that one time I grabbed the copper teapot without an oven mitt was painful, lets not do that again; wisdom, discernment. The same principle expanded allows us to see God working in all areas of life, should we desire light on all areas (which you should, by the way). Over my recent memory, before ever applying to this job I was preparing for discernment without ever knowing it, praying about the future, discussing the future with friends and loved ones, and fasting and examining my inner life. Granted, I have not been in a monastic state of perfection, there was probably too much netflix and other time wasters some days, however, the principle of preparation is sound. I believe it is this exact principle that causes confusion for many Christians today, especially Evangelicals. Not to pick on my own kind, but many of us were raised to simply pray here and there, read your Bible ‘more’ and go to Church weekly or bi-weekly. All sound principles, but to what end? Without an understanding of spiritual disciplines and their purpose, many of us hoped for some miraculous intercession of God when faced with big decisions, leaving us with a feeling of abandonment in our greatest times of need. How do we know what to decide? For that, I believe God calls us to look at our whole personhood, our life, our balance, and our scary dark parts we try to hide.

For myself, it is my overwhelming desire to work, to provide, and to be well thought of as a husband and teacher. I confess that often times I wrap my self worth into my ability or inability to to correct the sins of past generations and accomplish these stated desires. Here’s the tricky part, these desires are not inherently bad or good, they just are; how I interact with them and give them power makes them positive of negative desires. This is how I knew to turn down the job I was offered. For months I have been praying and seeking wisdom about my life and future, both as a husband, father (Lord-willing), and teacher/pastor. In that time God has been revealing to my wife and I not only what my goals truly are but what our goals are as a couple and family, what God is calling us to for the future. From the onset, my wife knew that taking the first job I was offered would be a temptation, and she has been honest with me about that from the beginning, so I could see that when those desires did in fact arise. Honesty and communication with people provides insight into blind spots in the discernment process. As we learn to grow and examine the plan God has for us, often times others provide clearer insight because our desires are not theirs, they can be objective. And sometimes, God supernaturally intervenes to do whats best for multiple parties involved (See David and Abigail in 1 Sam 25).  

We do not practice spiritual disciplines simply to make God happy and make us better Christians (though they do in fact make us more mature and more Christlike), we specifically practice these things to prepare us for the future. We practice these things so that we can see and hear the voice of God. The apparent lack of training in many peoples lives becomes all too evident when faced with major life decisions and difficult choices. We have become the blind leading the blind, when there is really so reason for it. We have taken salvation to mean salvation from unpleasant things (stolen from Tozer), choosing instead not to pursue wisdom but to enter some sort of holding pattern while pleasantly waiting for heaven. Have we completely forgotten Luke chapter nine (v.57-62)? This whole following Jesus costs us a great deal.

Following Jesus costs us our desires that stem from insecurity, ours false desires, that we might plumb the depths of our hearts and souls to find the desires placed in us through the Holy Spirit. Spiritual disciplines take the power away from our insecurity and allow the power of God to lead us in the narrow road.  

This job did not line up with our goals as a family and future as we feel God leading, though it felt like a perfect fit at the onset. Vocation and calling are tricky, I can DO anything and still teach and preach, yet I HAVE to teach and preach in some way. I am willing to pay the cost, I am desiring to lead and teach, so I will wait. I will trust that God does not waste time and is preparing my wife and I for a time where the desires of our hearts will become a reality. We are not in a holding pattern waiting for heaven, we have work to do yet, and that work will cost us. We have a calling, and I suppose its difficult to define until it is before us, but thankfully we will have help when the time comes.

[samgyorfi-blog]

Becoming Social Mutants.

As an unemployed Pastor/Teacher I just had a job interview that I was very excited to get. I am fortunate and optimistic, yet in a way, I feel cheated. 

Anyone who has tried to apply for jobs in recent years has realized a harsh truth of the modern technological age, we are becoming social mutants. Social skills and interpersonal relationship are second in line behind efficiency and productivity. Technology for all its benefits is destroying our ability to relate and interact in healthy ways with one another. Forget the teenagers walking around the mall with their heads down staring at cell phones, those who look down our noses at the ‘youths’ are equally guilty. The job application process is online, on ‘paper’, and if you don't look good on ‘paper’ with a beautiful resume, tough noogies for you. 

When you apply for a job you are given an email response which essentially says, ‘don't call us, we’ll call you.’ Which, for me, is eerily similar to my dating life before being married; riddled with rejection. Then if you are lucky, a new phenomenon for me in the job hunt, a video interview. Not a Skype call or FaceTime interview with a human being (that would be absurd!), an ‘interview’ where I simply record timed responses to questions without preparation and have no time to ask questions or speak of myself freely. No chance to explain why I would be a good fit for the job in question, just answer these questions so HR can screen you. While this format may make sense for a scientist or accountant, I want to be a Pastor/Teacher, professions based on interpersonal relationships and guidance, not timed responses to irrelevant questions. Technology is making us social mutants, incapable of being relational and losing the art of listening and conversing. 

In my journey being unemployed and looking for work I am becoming increasingly convinced the arc of ‘progression’ many people think society is taking is actually regression. Productivity and efficiency have a time and place, but so do relationships and interaction. This is why I believe online school is mostly useless as well, but thats another issue to debate. In our quest for time saving we have cost ourselves the benefits of relationship, we cannot rejoice with others or mourn with others if we cannot take the time to hear them. Reading a Facebook post and commenting ‘congrats!’ is not rejoicing with someone; its doing the bear minimum of social etiquette in an effort to move along with YOUR day. Maybe I am bitter at my lack of success or feel too entitled, but even still, it seems to me that we could stand to slow down a bit, and focus on people alongside productivity and efficiency. Whether or not I get this job or not, I am sure I am not alone in these feelings. 

I have written a cover letter and resume, answered a detailed questionnaire and even written a few essay responses, I have received an automated email and completed an video interview through a third party website, and have yet to talk to a human being or meet a potential boss or coworker. Maybe for my next trick I can try to go a week without looking someone in the eye or even speaking to another soul, texting is just as good, right? 

[takemetomountains]

even if i have no song, i’ll sing your praise.

[samgyorfi-blog]

Some days I miss my homeland, beautiful places and memories from my past, but am still grateful for the day.