not been in vain

the life and times of a peculiar person.

[claridon]

That bird thing I keep on about.

The other day I was talking with a friend of mine, Tyler Miller, who is a pastor. Was sharing with him something I wrote for Mockingbird. He said jokingly, "You're famous," and I said, "Well, I'm *Mockingbird* famous. It's a very niche sort of fame." 

All through my life, I haven't been interested in the big things. Being part of the biggest, most broadly influential anything has never appealed to me. Robert Farrar Capon was my entrance to Mockingbird. I had read him here and there over the years, but when he died, Mockingbird was one of the few places talking about him, and what he talked about, over and over again, was grace. It was well respected by people I respected, from a variety of backgrounds. When you have people like Michael Horton and Nadia Bolz-Weber speaking at their conferences, let's just say folks, that's a spectrum. When you combine an unshakable grasp of the Gospel, with a low anthropology-no other combination really works-that is precisely how you can have that wide spectrum, because what unites them is the only thing that can unite anybody.

In a time when we are being fed either Gospel-lite or Gospel-plus, there is a a strong sense of relief when the Gospel is presented. The reaction to this is odd. People are almost afraid of it, look at it askance, suspicious. What's hilarious to me is, it's not any different from what I see in Scripture. It's not any less, or truncated, or, as we see more commonly, added to, unlike what I hear preached all over the country. That sense of relief, that's what kept me coming back. I *need* to hear it over and over again. That why Mockingbird is called Mockingbird-they simply repeat what they have heard. The original old old story. 

I kept reading Mockingbird because the people where smart, they were theologically diverse, but sound, and they kept the main thing the main thing. A couple of years ago, I stopped writing altogether. It didn't seem to have the impact I wanted to see. I figured it was because I wasn't that good at communicating. Some of it is cultural. In the Midwest, you can actually be good at something and remain completely unaware of it, because collectively, we like to remain on a pretty level plane. That way, nobody gets a big head. There is some wisdom in that, but it can also cause skewed perspectives, as well as leading to poor stewardship of resources that can benefit the wider community. All that being said, I was okay simply enjoying the great writing Mockingbird put out, with pleasure.

Through a extremely odd series of circumstances, I befriended Scott Jones. Several months into our friendship, he suggested I write something for the website. The thought had never occurred to me-see above. If I couldn't communicate effectively with the people I was *trying* to communicate with, a wider audience of smart, theologically savvy, culturally engaged people were ridiculously out of my league. I told him no. Thankfully he didn't listen. A few posts in, Mockingbird asked me to be a regular contributor. Whenever I spiral into a "why did I ever think I could write for them" phase, I remember, "Hey, they asked *me"!" Also, it's hard to get a big head when your Midwesternness is constantly popping it for you. Suffice it to say, I'm grateful. They helped me steward something,

Mockingbird is a special group of people. I like their stuff. I think they have important things to say. They are faithfully, carefully stewarding the gift they have been given. The Gospel. 

Artwork by Jeremy Geddes. 

[samgyorfi-blog]

a tall hobbit.

As I wrap up reading The Lord of the Rings I cannot help but fall more in love with it, and with story. Favorite books, movies, and stories we tell friends all have a profound impact on daily life. We hear a funny anecdote or compelling human-interest piece on the news and it evokes an emotional response. Story, whether fictional or truth (still not decided on LOTR specifically) can even affect mood, relationship, work, and family life. Story has the power to motivate us or crush us in defeat. It is a fickle creature.

Some critics categorize LOTR or stories like it as fantasy, myth, escapism, and even nonsensical time wasting. Yet we all connect with adventure. I have not met one person who does not desire to live some sort of adventure, some kind of compelling life story. It is in all of us. It is certainly in me, which is why I connect so well with Hobbits; simple creatures that like simple life without any adventures. Good simple food, tasty ale, and a fine garden are plenty for me if I’m honest. Tolkien wrote of Hobbits in a way that we would all see and understand a bit of ourselves, simple folk sometimes called to do great things. I mention this for two reasons. First, I love the imagery of LOTR and think much of Tolkien’s theology comes through the pages brilliantly. He conveys truths of scripture without allegory or overt biblical themes. Instead of his story reminding me of real life, I feel that life reminds me of his story. His myth is deep and tangible. Second, I am preparing for an adventure myself, and it scares me.

 Frodo asks Gandalf; “Why was I chosen?” Gandalf’s response is one we can all learn from; “Such questions cannot be answered… You may be sure that it was not for any merit that others do not possess. But you have been chosen, and you must therefore use such strength and heart and wits as you have.”

 We all have different paths set before us in life. As we all know we are different, with unique abilities and gifting’s. Some may say that ‘life has a way of working itself out’ or that we will ‘end up where we are supposed to.’ But that is nonsense. Life is not in control, God is. The God of the bible, the same God and bible Tolkien believed in with all his heart has chosen us all for the paths that lay before us. God has set before us paths that align with our wits and strengths, those intangibles also provided by the God of the universe. It may be a bit of a circular argument but I prefer an omnipotent intelligent designer to chance, nature, and guesswork. So did Tolkien.

“The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.”

As I prepare for what lies ahead, love mingled with grief, I am fortunate to be able to look back as well and see a similar road. In all areas of life there is no perfection. There is only our willingness to continue along the road and so do what seems best. Time will tell the whole story. But the joys of the adventure are not knowing for certain what is to come.

Years ago I was lucky enough to visit the Lake District in England, where Tolkien drew much of his inspiration for the Shire. As a young man I never thought I would get to see such a sight, and it still brings me inspiration and joy. I hope and pray my next adventures bring much of the same, though I suppose such questions cannot be answered.

[samgyorfi-blog]

Thank You note.

“In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit.”

Tolkien penned that line in out of thin air while grading papers, though I would argue it a divine inspiration. From that thought Tolkien wondered what a Hobbit was, what sort of world this creature lived in, and what sort of other creatures lived in that world. From that thought came the single best work of fiction ever written. Thank you Professor Tolkien. Thank you for your imagination, conviction, devotion, and thank you most of all for sharing it with us. 

When I was in high school my older brother was home for the summer and furiously reading through some weird fantasy books. He told me they were great and I should read them before these major movies were going to come out the following year. At the time, fifteen year old Sam was not a reader, nor did I want to be a reader. However, for some reason or another (I had probably lost television and social privileges for poor grades, a common occurrence) I was curious. So I bought a box set from a bookstore including The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. My journey began with those same words about a Hobbit. I read through the tale of the ring twice before the movies came out. Then again each year before the next movie was released. After that, I began to devour every other work Tolkien wrote on Middle Earth. I was so amazed at the depth of thought he put into one book. The languages, history, and mythology was beyond what I could have ever imagined when a group of dwarves, a hobbit, and a wizard set off from the shire. 

What is truly special to me about The Lord of the Rings is not that I can read, and re-read it, a seemingly infinite number of times. It is precious to me because it has ruined fiction for me. I can still read and enjoy fiction to some degree, but everything else seems somewhat lazy in comparison. Similar tales by MacDonald and Lewis often draw comparison, but when reading faerie stories I long for more detail, and when reading about Narnia I long for histories of Archenland and Calormen. Modern fiction is ruined by humanist philosophy with no direction or satisfaction, leaving the reader cynical and morose. Even good books like Harry Potter leave me wanting more. Nothing is quite the same as entering Middle Earth and hearing the great tale of the ring again. I even become envious when I hear that someone is reading the books for the first time, or someone has forgotten about the tale of Bilbo and decides to re-read it. 

I write this thank you note because it has been over two years since I have read my favorite story and it begins anew today. The same versions that I bought at age fifteen, worn and tattered the way a favorite book should be. As I eagerly await the adventure to start again (and to sit fireside on a snowy afternoon while reading) I paused to write this thank you note. This work of fiction is more than a story to me. In difficult times of life, arduous periods of waiting and prayer, I find great comfort in the work of Tolkien. Thank you Professor Tolkien. 

[samgyorfi-blog]

Paperweights.

The Apostle Paul: 

“The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”a made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Eternal glory is heavy. Remember when you first discovered paperweights as a kid? I remember my neighbors father had a huge egg shaped stone on his desk, a coral color and polished to perfection. I remember marveling at its immense weight, then wanting to see how far I could throw it (I had a bit of a destructive streak), though I never did. Or trying to dig up a large stone or tree stump in your yard, its often amazing how dense and heavy they can turn out to be. Even though this seems an overly-simplistic analogy, I think the point rings true, the weight of glory can surprises us. 

We became believers to have some insurance for eternity. We decided we would believe in the God of the Bible as the best possible route and trajectory for our life. However, along the way there are some difficult, sometimes harsh realities that come with it. As Shane Claiborne wrote in The Irresistible Revolution, “I had it together. I used to be cool. And then I met Jesus and he wrecked my life.” This is the realization of Glory we all go through. The problem with having a jealous God is that he does not share glory when we selfishly seek it for ourselves. We try to lift ourselves up and keep things neat and tidy and God doesn’t desire neat and tidy, he desires all of our affection, praise, and adoration. As the apostle Paul wrote almost two thousand years ago, the god of this age has blinded us to His glory, but our job is to reveal glory. And all of this is for our benefit! that we would be renewed day by day, because the eternal glory, the big picture, it outweighs it all. 

Faith is hard. Faith is especially hard when we want to look good to others and feel like we have it all together. I want to look good to family. I want to prove that I can be as smart and successful as my friends. Unfortunately, my drive to do so, even with good intentions, has landed me in times of focusing on what is seen, not what is unseen. While I should be focusing on the grace that is reaching more and more people to overflow to the glory of God, I have halted that process for my own glory. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed. The tension this creates is palpable, we are to live for the eternal glory of God, while not worrying about the anxieties of tomorrow. We are to be honest, diligent, and hard working; but not for our own glory. And we are all learning how, together. 

Let us continue to learn and practice that which is unseen. And let the weight of glory not surprise us, but let it become habitually amazing. Amen. 

[claridon]

The Terrible Speed of Vinegar.

I've been reading a lot of Aiden Wilson Tozer, Flannery O'Connor, and Robert Farrar Capon lately. I think it would be safe to say that they fall into the category of "astringent saints." They each have the unique quality of bringing clarity by cutting through areas that have been unhelpfully smeared around, obscuring what was once truth. Reading through James, even Jude, you get a similar feel. It's so sharp it can be shocking. Puckery. Martin Luther springs to mind.

Having that particular quality can be a bit of a high wire act for people like that. Some don't really attempt to reel it in, though, and I would hated to see what Martin Luther would have been like without his wife Kate's repeated attempts. Luther could be a jerk, no doubt about it. That being said, they are usually self aware enough to know what they have to say will have that effect, i.e.; the persimmon sucking effect. It's not always pleasant for the hearers, but it certainly isn't for the mouthpiece, either. Jeremiah explores this particular phenomenon in his eponymously named book, Jeremiah 20:8-9.

8 For each time I speak, I cry aloud; I proclaim violence and destruction, Because for me the word of the LORD has resulted In reproach and derision all day long.9 But if I say, "I will not remember Him Or speak anymore in His name," Then in my heart it becomes like a burning fire Shut up in my bones; And I am weary of holding it in, And I cannot endure it…

Why do they do it, why would it even be necessary? Proverbs 27:6 puts it like this, "Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy."

David knew this when he was confronted by Nathan. He was later thankful for it, and while it was certainly unpleasant to hear at the time, it led to repentance. Fortunately, it's not the only method, but like indicated towards the end of the book of Jude, some circumstances call for drastic measures:

22 And have mercy on some, who are doubting; 23 save others, snatching them out of the fire; and on some have mercy with fear, hating even the garment polluted by the flesh.

George Whitefield, the famous British preacher during the Great Awakening of the 18th century understood this, and even acknowledged what he had to say probably wasn’t going down a treat with his listeners. He also explained why using a rather interesting analogy:

And now my brethren what shall I say more? Tell me are not many of you offended at what has been said already? Do not some of you think though I mean well yet I have carried the point a little too far? [...] You have a wound and are in earnest about a cure. You bid the surgeon probe it to the very bottom. And shall not the physician of your souls be allowed the same freedom? What have I been doing but searching your natural wounds that I might convince you of your danger and put you upon applying to Jesus Christ for a remedy. Indeed I have dealt with you as gently as I could.

That showed a tenderness of someone who cares, yet was willing to risk offense to do it. It demonstrates a love that is rare to see today. He certainly wasn’t trying to get people to like him, no doubt about that, but he was concerned about something much, much more important.

The Lord, in His kindness, didn't pepper too many of these spicy people (see what I did there?) into the body of Christ, but, still, I am very thankful for them. I certainly have felt grateful to read them, for my edification, benefit, for those times when I need the occasional heart surgery, where sharp instruments are better than soft fuzzy ones.

[samgyorfi-blog]

Hard Days.

“Restore us to yourself, O Lord, that we may be restored! Renew our days as of old - unless you have utterly rejected us, and you remain exceedingly angry with us.” 

This, THIS is how the book of Lamentations ends, how brutal. Anyone who says the Bible is full of fairy tales and ‘feel-goodery’ has obviously never read it. This entire book is the lament of those who are in exile, potentially written by the prophet Jeremiah, to repent of sins, and it is brutally honest.

Today has been a hard day if I’m honest. I desire so much to work in some-sort of ministry/teaching role and to help the global Church in any way I can. But the doors continues to shut on me, in both the church and education worlds. I am growing fearful, I am beginning to wonder if my foundation is actually solid. Like Han Solo when they land on the ‘asteroid’ in The Empire Strikes Back (which is superior to ROTJ in every way). I read the book of Lamentations for this reason, to commiserate. 

We all have days such as these don’t we? Days we wish we were more positive, days we wish we could wax poetic about the great things the Lord has done, which He certainly has. However, I’m not convinced days like today are bad days. They are days where we confess our sin and lack of faith. They are days where we truly long for the Lord because we know there is no other fulfillment in this life. Lamentations is a great book, and sadly overlooked by many. I cannot say that I have ever heard a sermon on Lamentations, only a verse or two taken suspiciously close to out of context for some obscure reason. 

I know today, if nothing else, the Lord has not “utterly rejected” me or my desire to serve. Either the Bible is true, or it’s not. I believe it is true. With that belief and truth comes with it the promise of redemption and identity. 

Today is simply a hard day. But in the words of Johnny Cash (one of my heroes), “The Master of Life’s been good to me. He has given me strength to face past illnesses, and victory in the face of defeat. He has given me life and joy where other saw oblivion. He Has given new purpose to live for, new services to render and old wounds to heal. Life and love go on, let the music play.”

[samgyorfi-blog]

‘What if I ruin Heaven?’

I have been involved in youth ministry for over a decade and in all my time asking questions and fielding them I have had a few I have never forgotten. One Wednesday night we were having a very serious discussion on heaven. The talk stemmed from modern day students having the serious concern that heaven will be boring. My presumption of this fear is rooted in the repetition of praise worship mixed with the boring way we do church in evangelical circles. Singing “I could sing of your love forever” forever would make many want to call God a sadist. I even remember my youth worship leader singing that chorus for minutes at a time challenging students to find joy in it and praise God through it; it’s no small wonder many people think heaven will be boring and repetitive. I always pictured a bunch of people in robes just singing songs and just kind of standing around on gold streets. Boring, but pretty.

During the conversation a young man asked if we would have free will in heaven (a difficult question with a predictable trajectory). In short time we surmised that most likely we would indeed have free will in heaven as a defining characteristic of love from God our father. At this point I was thinking myself a tremendous youth pastor, having an in-depth conversation about theology with thirty young people. The young man voiced a very legitimate concern; “what if I ruin heaven for everyone by sinning like Adam and Eve did?”

First of all, what fifteen-year-old mind thinks of that question? Second, I will never forget the look of concern behind his eyes in asking the question. My immediate answer in my head was “I don’t know, lets save that for next week.” But for such a lofty question prompted by real concern I knew an answer had to be achieved quickly. So, whether you are a pastor, parent, friend, or some other authority figure, what would your answer be?

Clearly there are lofty theological principles at work here and seemingly endless potential avenues stemming from whatever answers can be achieved. My first thought was a simple analogy I had once heard years ago, whether it was helpful or not depends on the hearer. Suppose you have a flat electric cooktop stove, one of those ones that lights up bright orange when turned on. One day as you go to heat water to make a cup of tea your curiosity gets the best of you, the glowing bright light is too much to resist. So you reach out and place your palm flat upon the surface and wait to see what happens. With a somewhat predictable outcome, you run over to the sink, run your hand under water to relieve the burning sensation and hope its not so bad to warrant an emergency room visit. Lesson learned. Pending some sort of idiotic wager or brutal coercion, you will never do that again, ever.

What if Heaven is just that simple? The same way we can clearly see stupid things we have done and never will do again on earth, what if we look back on sin with the same simplicity? I surely cannot guarantee this opinion, however, I believe that when we are complete, and without sin, the mere thought of sin will seem as silly as placing our hand on a hot stove. Perhaps this line of thinking is optimistically arrogant and will only lead to a false sense of security. Or, perhaps, it is just that simple. Consider the example of Jesus Christ, fully man and fully God placed on earth and lived without sin. Why was he able to resist the sin we clearly cannot? The best answer to that question is the same reason we wont ‘ruin’ heaven, true communion with God with trump any and all desire to ever sin again. I believe the reason Jesus was able to withstand such great temptation is because he knew and understood what only two other people in the history of the world experienced, communion with God.

Adam and Eve are the only other people to understand what this potentially could mean for us in Heaven. However, the astute mind instantly realizes, Adam and Eve still sinned in the midst of being in communion with God, so how can that be an argument for resisting sin in Heaven? They had never touched the stove, we have. I am not sure to what detail and depth we will remember our earthly lives while in eternity, I don’t think anyone really knows for sure. We know so little of what eternity will be like we are left to guess about a great many things. This young man was clearly concerned about ruining it all, for everyone. Then conversation continued on for some time without a definitive answer. I remember ending the evening conversation with something similar to this;

“There are a lot of things the Bible does not give complete explanations of, I wish it did. I do know that God has repeatedly told us of His love for us, and that we are his children, children whom he would do anything for. If that is true, and I believe it is, I believe that being with God, finally, the way we were meant to be in the Garden of Eden, will be like nothing we can prepare for. I believe it will be so fulfilling of our every desire, we will want for nothing and we will be eternally satisfied. I do believe we will have free will in Heaven, but I don’t think leaving God and rebelling will ever be on our radar again.”

I could be wrong. Ask my wife, I am wrong all the time. But I don’t think I am wrong about this one.

Many people write today about ‘millenials,’ about who they are, what they are, and why they are the way that they are. I am not sure what the generation behind millenials will be called or if ‘they’ have come up with a name yet, but amidst all the problems and people who think they are selfish and soft, there are great strengths in millenials and future generations. The young man who asked this question was deeply concerned, partly for himself, but also for others. In talking to him about this after the fact he expressed a deep care for his family, friends, even for me, that he wouldn’t want to ruin Heaven for me, because I seemed so excited about it. If millenials and future generations have been overly coddled and lack moral fiber, then they excel at sensitivity towards others and empathy for those they love.

Though younger generations may not have the toughness and determination older generations possess, they have the ability to do great things nonetheless. Conversations such as this about Heaven can help to build a foundational understanding of God and theology that can take selfishness from people and lead to service in the Kingdom of God; both now and for eternity. Evangelism used to be fire and brimstone, fear-based afterlife insurance. That worked for a lot of people for a long time. Then it molded into community-focused togetherness that recruited ‘baby boomers,’ and ‘generation x’ is doing its own thing.  

People are wanting the Church to work, people want to believe in something. Now, people need theology, young men and women need teaching to help make sense of the world they live in and their life experience. Just hearing that something is true is not good enough anymore. When science is providing empirical truths to nature’s mysteries theology needs to keep up and help provide answers to young men and women through conversation and relationship. I am not saying my stove analogy is great theology, by any means. It was an avenue to have a theological conversation with a young man who was wrestling with deep, somewhat confusing, unknowable issues.

[samgyorfi-blog]

Christmas Nostalgia

Remember Christmas as a kid? It was just so great. Sure there were ups and downs and sometimes we didn’t get the gift we wanted (or ever). But more often than not when most people think of Christmas they think of the highlights as children, the nostalgia of waking up early, riding new bikes, building new legos, playing with new dolls. I think of cinnamon rolls and playing with cousins, a full house of family I loved being around all the time. 

But then you grow up, start sleeping in, family spreads out, traditions change, and we long for the things of the past. There are always things to look forward to, but its never quite the same, is it? 

While reading Bonhoeffer this morning on the topic of advent a point he made created some conviction and thought; should I be more excited as and adult for Christmas than I was as a child? While the emphasis of excitement may be different, the foundation ought to be broader and more substantive. While Jesus did praise children in Matthew 19:13-15 and Mark 9:36-37, we still have the ability for the same excitement we used to have. 

The benefit of having lived some life is having been through trials and  seen storms come. We have more contrast and awareness. We look back to times of nostalgia because we know things won’t always be as great as before. We become skeptics in the light of circumstance and temper expectations of joy. But this is a season of Advent, a season of waiting expectedly, not for vacation and gifts but for the celebration what was done long ago, and what will be done again. 

We wait for the second advent and joyfully celebrate the first. We gather in the name of Christ (while eating cookies and meatballs) to celebrate our justification and longingly look forward to our glorification. The day when the promises of Revelation 21:4 are fulfilled:

“HE will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” 

Advent is indeed about celebrating the incarnation and birth of Christ, what was done long ago that justifies us in the eye of a jealous and holy God. We are thankful and nostalgic for the past and our salvation. It is similar to our own past memories and joy’s we have lived. However, shouldn’t we have more to celebrate now? Should we not be more joyful and eager for advent knowing the need for redemption and healing in this world? 

May your Christmas be filled with love and joy this week. I pray that I would be ever more excited for the coming King, more than I ever was for legos.

(but for the record, legos are awesome and if I wasn’t still unemployed I would probably buy some)

[samgyorfi-blog]

“I wonder if depression in the spiritual life does not mean that we have forgotten that prayer is grace. The deep realization that all fruits of the spiritual life are gifts of God should make us smile, and liberate us from and deadly seriousness. We can close our eyes as tightly as we can clasp our hands as firmly as possible, but God speaks only when he wants to speak. When we realize this our pressing, pushing, and pulling become quite amusing. Sometimes we act like a child that closes his eyes and thinks that he can make the whole world go away. 

After having done everything to make some space for God, it is still God who comes on his own initiative. But we have a promise upon which to base our hope: The promise of his love. So our life can rightly be a waiting in expectation, but waiting patiently and with a smile. then, indeed, we shall be really surprised and full of joy and gratitude when he comes.”  - Nouwen

Ah, advent, what a peculiar time of year. I suppose we are all waiting for something, we all press and push God in some way. I might even argue that those who claim atheism push God to remain silent with their logic, unbelief, and constant chatter. Yet we who claim belief are guilty of the same sin on the opposite swing of the pendulum, aren’t we? We call on God in prayer to move and act and speak and heal. Yet have we forgotten that prayer is in fact God’s grace? Or is prayer our right? Hasn’t God made promises? Can we not hold his proverbial feet to the fire? 

Advent is a season of waiting. Sometimes we seek and answer, sometimes we are running from the answer. Sometimes we miss it altogether. 

The incarnation is a gift. Historically Christians use this season as a time to celebrate that gift. In a similar vein prayer also is a gift of God, though we have taken it as a right, a right that has lead to arrogance and self-reliance (which is funny because the very nature of prayer is intercession to a higher being for help). It seems to be the nature of all gifts among our broken humanity, they become rights and expectations leading to pride and assumptions. A silly paradox we have created I think. 

Let us learn to wait and receive gifts openly and without expectation. Let us learn to wait on prayer with a smile, eagerly seeking the presence of God. May we consider the incarnation as the gift it is, prompting us to wait well, to loosen our grasp on life and see the joy and gratitude the gifts of God may bring us. 

[samgyorfi-blog]

Couldn't Help Myself.

If you haven’t seen this story, check it out:

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/12/17/us/wheaton-college-professor-larycia-hawkins-muslim-scarf.html

I am not usually a reactionary-type person to respond to the popular stories of the day, however, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to shamelessly support my alma mater and it’s current leadership. 

Initial reports and headlines have been published with the intent of causing outrage, that a conservative Christian college professor was fired for wearing a hijab. The truth obviously receives less ‘clicks’ and is less provocative; a professor at Wheaton College is placed on administrative leave following comments in opposition to a statement of faith the professor knowingly signed and upheld for years. The NYT headline is the most balanced one I could find, and is still misleading and poorly reported. The professor was not placed on leave for supporting Muslims, but for contradicting her own stated beliefs in a signed document she willingly affirmed.

Professor Hawkins posted on her Facebook (or some other social media outlet) that Christians and Muslims worship the “same God.” She has decided to wear a hijab in solidarity to Muslims around the world being wrongly persecuted because of their faith. As a Christian I encourage her resolve and desire to Love those who are being persecuted. As a theologian I cringe at the caviler attitude with which she defines the God of the universe.

I am fully aware that there are similarities in the Quran and the Bible. The ancient Judeo-Christian texts name God of Abraham similarly to the Quran. But to read the Holy Bible and to believe it as the inerrant Word of God is to realize that it is not the “same God” as Professor Hawkins stated, whom she quoted from Pope Francis (who also missed the boat on this). Yes, God is a God of love, mercy, and grace. Yet to read scripture and believe that Jesus was who he said he was (’the way the truth and the life’ in John 14:6), is to believe that the God Evangelical Christians believe in is unique. Jesus is either the Son of God and the only way to heaven or not, plain and simple. 

For Wheaton College and President Ryken to place this professor on leave was the absolutely the correct move. She made a public statement in opposition to her own word in her signing the statement of faith (found here: http://www.wheaton.edu/About-Wheaton/Statement-of-Faith-and-Educational-Purpose) and the College has every right to evaluate her ability to teach within their religious beliefs. 

For those who are outraged by this, especially Christians; consider what you personally believe. We cannot take the Bible piece by piece but only as a whole. So while Jesus commanded we love one another, he also said the he will return to earth and separate the righteous from the wicked, and that line of demarcation is defined clearly in the life and teaching of Jesus alongside all of scripture. Muslims do not acknowledge the Gospel of Jesus Christ, plain and simple. I do not worship the ‘same God’ as the Muslim faith. I believe in all of scripture to convey truth about God. I am proud of Wheaton and their commitment to theological truth in a politically correct age when truth is labelled as bigotry. 

We love our neighbor regardless of faith. We lay our lives down for all that they may know the truth. But we do not compromise the truth of Christ. 

[claridon]

If you want to be happy do not pray for discernment.

A. W. Tozer.

[samgyorfi-blog]

worry. worship. atonement.

What if you could have an open, honest conversation with God about your future, would that help any anxiety or trepidation? In my adolescence I often remember thinking that if I could just see Jesus, if I could have been a disciple, or witnessed a miracle, this would be easier. As faith becomes more mature and time goes by, we either believe or we don’t, and uncertainty oft transfers from faith in past events to future questions. Would I have the bravery to have a conversation with God about my future, to demand answers? I am not so sure.

We all have seasons in life of uncertainty that produce anxiety. Sometimes our futures seem like a giant blank canvas, with limitless possibilities, and other times it seems limited, boring, and all but written in stone. Many millennials today feel that theirs is the prior, while older generations may feel the latter, stuck. No matter what our thoughts or predispositions, the unknown of what is to be produces anxiety in all of us. Jesus spoke clearly to anxiety in Matthew (6:25-34) in a discourse we are all familiar with; birds do not reap or sow, wildflowers do not stress about their beauty, and how much more does God love us than them? If you are like me, you have often run to this teaching and earnestly prayed for a relief, for a trust and faith that does not produce anxiety but peace. To God’s credit peace has often come. I have been comforted and found solace here, but it has also produced a sense of personal insecurity; why must I keep coming back here? How many times must anxiety grasp my thoughts until I find maturity and overcome? And how many people out there wonder this same question but instead of moving forward in faith regress in shame a guilt at their lack of faith? Many people were raised to believe that a lack of faith is almost unforgivable, which can then produce shame in a persons thought life, a shame they attempt to resolve on their own. Just because you don’t put a smile on your face and say, “Don’t worry, God will provide” (truth though it may be) does not mean you lack faith. We circle around this idea over and over, year after year.

What if there is another way to think about future and anxiety?

Consider the story of blind Bartimaeus in the Gospel of Mark (10:46-52). Look at the question Jesus asks him; “What do you want me to do for you?” Many pastor’s have said this was an obvious question given the man’s disability, that Jesus asked a silly, obvious question. I disagree. I think Jesus asked a poignant question that we all must consider; put yourself in a similar position and consider, what if Jesus asked me that question? You have come to the feet of Jesus, a loving, caring, savior who desires good for you, amidst your anxieties and fears and he looks you in the eyes (assuming you are not blind); “What do you want me to do for you?”

Suddenly I am not so sure I want to have an open dialogue with God about my future, it feels petty, but yet does not produce guilt or shame, just insignificant. When considering the physical act of looking my savior in the eye and whining about my insecurities, I want to change my mind quickly, and my list of needs gets very small. Instead of feeling guilt about anxiety, my heart is filled with a desire for worship and service. I want to fall at his feet and respond; “nothing, you have done enough for me!” But I think he still asks, like a father who gives good gifts; “What do you want me to do for you?” It is almost as if Jesus is saying, I have done enough, but I desire to do more, I love you. My circumstances and felt needs (meeting felt needs is NOT sanctification) begin to wither and die, and kneeling before my God and King in worship I desire to serve, to find avenues to love more, to care more, and to lay aside all that created previous anxieties.

The desire of my heart is to worship amidst insecurity and anxiety, but I must come to a place at his feet in prayer and submission to do so. I am convinced we as Christians give far too much power to that which we cannot control, yet instead of producing guilt and shame, I believe God intends for that which we cannot control to produce worship and service. A loving personal God has interceded on our behalf to fulfill our desires, and produce new desires of worship and service, or prayer and devotion. This is the beauty of the atonement! We are transformed, and likewise our desires can be transformed. In the Old Testament a man named Job desired to speak with God, it did not go well for him. His desire was out of anxiety and uncertainty about his future (probably rightly so) and God reminded him sternly who was actually in control. In the New Testament Jesus does the same thing but in a way that reminds us of God’s LOVE alongside his power:

“What do you want me to do for you?”

The power we see in the book of Job is still present, Jesus isn’t soft, he heals Bartimaeus instantly, then and there. Jesus adds another dimension, the human element, the approachable nature of our God that is displayed on the cross and perfected in the atonement. We are forgiven, free from guilt and shame and free to fall at his feet in worship. I am fairly certain we cannot overcome all anxiety and uncertainty on this side of heaven, however, when Jesus tells us not to worry, its not a command to simply stop. I believe Jesus is in both passages reminding his followers of God’s love for them and showing what matters most in times of uncertainty and unknowing.

[samgyorfi-blog]

?

Giving up a job offer is not easy, especially when you have been looking for a job for eight months. Though I haven’t been unemployed for that long, working at a grocery store probably isn’t my calling as a teacher/pastor. Which brings me to my rant, how do we balance vocation and calling as Christians?

Having finished my M.A. after a decade of ministry experience I often wonder, could I ever have a ‘normal’ job? Sitting in a pew and listening to other teachers is difficult for me when I have no one to teach. For the last eighteen months I have been weighing the idea of a vocation against a calling. Calling is a difficult word to define, until you are faced with it directly and are forced to define it. Today I am faced to put words around ‘calling’ and either accept or decline a position, and today it is the latter. I know I am not ‘called’ to the position in question. But how?

At the risk of a lengthy diatribe on discernment and choices I want to address the issue as I see it, being directly in the middle of it, turning down employment when it seems to be the only thing I can think about these days. Firstly, I think the process of such decisions is a lot longer than we realize, compounding important to decisions to recent memory is foolish. I believe that God is constantly working in our lives and growing us, there is no wasted time or stop gaps in God’s plan for our lives, save those we make ourselves with foolish choices. This being the case, my rejection of this job is months, perhaps years in the making. Setting aside my life history and laborious details therein, I believe our desires for our future come from past experience of God and development of gifts. It is this combination that provides our wants and desires moving forward vocationally and regarding calling, for me it is teaching the Bible in a classroom and/or from behind a pulpit (probably both). This job is clearly in line with known desires I have though, so what is the problem? We are not simple beings, we are not simple computers with one function. We are complex entities of relationship, spiritual gifts, longing, fears, and seemingly balancing nonstop tensions.

We all make choices every day, choices to connect or disconnect, to love or be selfish, to create or observe, to pursue God or not. For weeks, months, and years these choices give us experience, wisdom, memories, and desires. Taking our experience in the midst of choice creates discernment and wisdom. Simply put, that one time I grabbed the copper teapot without an oven mitt was painful, lets not do that again; wisdom, discernment. The same principle expanded allows us to see God working in all areas of life, should we desire light on all areas (which you should, by the way). Over my recent memory, before ever applying to this job I was preparing for discernment without ever knowing it, praying about the future, discussing the future with friends and loved ones, and fasting and examining my inner life. Granted, I have not been in a monastic state of perfection, there was probably too much netflix and other time wasters some days, however, the principle of preparation is sound. I believe it is this exact principle that causes confusion for many Christians today, especially Evangelicals. Not to pick on my own kind, but many of us were raised to simply pray here and there, read your Bible ‘more’ and go to Church weekly or bi-weekly. All sound principles, but to what end? Without an understanding of spiritual disciplines and their purpose, many of us hoped for some miraculous intercession of God when faced with big decisions, leaving us with a feeling of abandonment in our greatest times of need. How do we know what to decide? For that, I believe God calls us to look at our whole personhood, our life, our balance, and our scary dark parts we try to hide.

For myself, it is my overwhelming desire to work, to provide, and to be well thought of as a husband and teacher. I confess that often times I wrap my self worth into my ability or inability to to correct the sins of past generations and accomplish these stated desires. Here’s the tricky part, these desires are not inherently bad or good, they just are; how I interact with them and give them power makes them positive of negative desires. This is how I knew to turn down the job I was offered. For months I have been praying and seeking wisdom about my life and future, both as a husband, father (Lord-willing), and teacher/pastor. In that time God has been revealing to my wife and I not only what my goals truly are but what our goals are as a couple and family, what God is calling us to for the future. From the onset, my wife knew that taking the first job I was offered would be a temptation, and she has been honest with me about that from the beginning, so I could see that when those desires did in fact arise. Honesty and communication with people provides insight into blind spots in the discernment process. As we learn to grow and examine the plan God has for us, often times others provide clearer insight because our desires are not theirs, they can be objective. And sometimes, God supernaturally intervenes to do whats best for multiple parties involved (See David and Abigail in 1 Sam 25).  

We do not practice spiritual disciplines simply to make God happy and make us better Christians (though they do in fact make us more mature and more Christlike), we specifically practice these things to prepare us for the future. We practice these things so that we can see and hear the voice of God. The apparent lack of training in many peoples lives becomes all too evident when faced with major life decisions and difficult choices. We have become the blind leading the blind, when there is really so reason for it. We have taken salvation to mean salvation from unpleasant things (stolen from Tozer), choosing instead not to pursue wisdom but to enter some sort of holding pattern while pleasantly waiting for heaven. Have we completely forgotten Luke chapter nine (v.57-62)? This whole following Jesus costs us a great deal.

Following Jesus costs us our desires that stem from insecurity, ours false desires, that we might plumb the depths of our hearts and souls to find the desires placed in us through the Holy Spirit. Spiritual disciplines take the power away from our insecurity and allow the power of God to lead us in the narrow road.  

This job did not line up with our goals as a family and future as we feel God leading, though it felt like a perfect fit at the onset. Vocation and calling are tricky, I can DO anything and still teach and preach, yet I HAVE to teach and preach in some way. I am willing to pay the cost, I am desiring to lead and teach, so I will wait. I will trust that God does not waste time and is preparing my wife and I for a time where the desires of our hearts will become a reality. We are not in a holding pattern waiting for heaven, we have work to do yet, and that work will cost us. We have a calling, and I suppose its difficult to define until it is before us, but thankfully we will have help when the time comes.

[samgyorfi-blog]

Creating Shabbat

I am annoyed with Tumblr, I just spent two hours crafting a post on a recent book I read called “The Sabbath,” and I accidentally hit a link that took me to another page on my toolbar, and boom, post gone.

Dear Tumblr, create autosave function.

Dear self, write future posts on word and copy and paste to Tumblr.  

Moving on. “The Sabbath” by Abraham Heschel is a short, approachable book giving an Orthodox Jewish perspective on the oft misunderstood day of rest. Instead of dwelling on the rules and regulations many outsiders misunderstand and criticize, Heschel goes right to the source of the practice, the conquering of space for the sanctification of time. Many modern Evangelicals many know the sabbath as a day of rest, ceasing from work, and spending time with loved ones. While this is true and good, the Jewish perspective is a bit more in depth, desiring to completely control and prepare a space that fosters a holiness of time. This is why there are so many rules a guidelines, to conquer the space. With all circumstances under control, this allows the Orthodox Jew to then rest and experience Joy both at temple and with their families, creating a holiness in time with which to enjoy God. Asceticism (a fancy word for  self-discipline for religious reasons) often encounters criticism because of its extreme rules and guidelines, but the goal of the Sabbath is to create rules and guidelines to experience God and rest weekly. To experience a small piece of eternity while on earth, free from social conditions and fears. It is a day centered on joy and intimacy with God.

Whether this is regularly accomplished is no doubt perceived differently by different individuals in the faith. However, my thought while reading the book was how rich and beautiful the tradition is, how it gave me a deeper understanding as to why Orthodox Jews don’t drive on Saturdays. It is for the same reasons I enjoy reading the desert fathers of Christianity or English mystics of the 17th and 18th centuries, a breadth of understanding and insight into the immanence of God. God is actively involved in the world and our daily lives, and I am convinced our inability to see God is directly related to our arrogance in worship and spiritual practices. Too many Christians think their worship is right, their theology is infallible, and their spiritual disciplines most effective. We can learn a great deal from those who have gone before us, Evangelicals could use a lot more spiritual disciplines while mainline protestant denominations could use a lot more scriptural engagements.

As I grow in knowledge and discernment I am convinced an ecumenical approach to life and spirituality leads to a more complete understanding of sanctification. (Disclaimer: I am not against denominational affiliation or structure, quite the opposite, maybe its best we stick with the phrase; “In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.”) How do we grow? Lets look at the historical models and examples and study different traditions than our own. I have a sneaking suspicion that many Evangelicals especially have stopped using their brains when it comes to faith and growing in Christlikeness, hoping for some miraculous intervention in the cosmos to make them better people. Lets not throw out the traditions of our forefathers, but let us also not hold too tightly to any one theology or line of thinking other than that of Christ. Pick up some classics, see what you think. Read some puritans, read some Greek/Russian Orthodox writings, read some atheists and agnostics, why not? Practice the sabbath, practice the Ignatian examen, try something new, try something older than Christ, why not?

[claridon]

On the sabbath and Heschel. Yes. 

[samgyorfi-blog]

Read this, please.

- From 1928 edition ‘Streams in the Desert’ by Mrs. Chas. E. Cowman. 

I am increasingly convinced that suffering and joy are in a co-mingled knot that cannot be undone on this side of heaven. We try to separate them for our own convenience and understanding. In our sorrow and suffering we pull away from others because we don’t feel the same joy. In our joy we don’t want to be around those depressing people who bring us down. 

Yet that is not the Church, in fact I believe it sows discord and division. May we have the strength to do the opposite; when this are difficult, I pray the Lord gives you the empathy to sit with someone in waiting and suffering. In your suffering, I pray the Lord gives you the strength to rejoice with others, even though it is difficult. 

Sorrow cannot be separated from Joy. Joy cannot be separated from sorrow, yet. 

[claridon]

If you don’t have a copy of Streams in the Desert...buy one, but buy an old one. 

[samgyorfi-blog]

Be Honest.

While picking fall carrots and beets this morning (still warm enough in Denver thankfully) I had a thought that I am not sure I have ever pursued or explored:

I think people WANT to believe in Jesus.

I think atheists and agnostics alike would agree that given proof, the Biblical account of the Son of God providing forgiveness of sins and eternal life would be pretty great. But the Biblical account is too neat and tidy for most people, too far-fetched, too tough to wrap our brains and logic around a man from a small town in Israel raising from the dead and ascending to ‘heaven.’ I get it. 

Allow me a grace here for the sake of argument to avoid the theological atom bomb of whether Jesus was the Son of God. For the sake of argument, let me simply explore two reasons I think people wish they could believe in Jesus and the God of the Bible. 

1. Wonder. There is an inherent wonder found in every human being worldwide at the vast immensity and detail of creation. Whether its a double rainbow, a sunset over the ocean, a hummingbird zooming effortlessly around a flower, or some new discovery of flora or fauna. Creation confounds and amazes us all, even scientists have a laundry list of unanswerable questions that is seemingly only getting longer for all we have already discovered. While many of the worlds wonders and landscapes have scientific and geological explanations; I believe the awe that is inspired is people wishing or wanting to believe a good, loving God created what they see.

Many would say that science has done just that, proved that a God did not create the Grand Canyon, a river did. Ok, granted. And we see that river and its beautiful time-consuming work and devotion to its task, thus, humanity is filled with awe. Nature is indeed amazing, isn’t it? Then why does it feel like a hollow victory and explanation? 

I would argue modern thought is ruled and formed by thousands of years of philosophy, religion, science, and reflection. Science has only recently become a substitution for God. We have explained away wonder with scientific theories like natural selection, which if it is to be believed, states that humanity is not an exception to creation, but the current pinnacle of evolution. Aside from the widely publicized flaws in Darwin’s work, natural selection does not account for human behavior and desires. In fact, if we really believed in science, we would not have any sort of empathy in humanity, true natural selection as presented by Darwin and his contemporaries led to the attempted extermination of entire people groups in the second world war; an act few today would defend. Which brings me to my second reason people want to believe in Jesus:

2. Love. An atheistic/scientific worldview allows little room for love and value-judgements in humanity. Yet it is those very things that dictate and lead society. The most popular movies and songs are love songs, the human interest stories on the news evoke an emotional response in many that then lead to motivation for love and caring to others. If we really believed in the ‘natural order’ of things, those that are bigger and stronger can and should oppress the weak. Yet we care about social justice, civil rights, and we have attributed value to humanity that is attributed to evolution, yet in reality, is completely opposed to it. People say we have become more evolved, but logical scientific evolution leaves little room for empathy. 

I realize I am painting broad brush strokes and that any person who opposes my position and belief has either stopped reading or become enraged with my arrogant generalizations. I simply wanted to point out the power and unity in humanity found through Love. Love cannot be explained logically, which is why divorce and abuse has become rampant. Love is a feeling, like happiness, that comes and goes. People hear the story of Jesus, how he loves them, how the Bible says they are also children of God, and its just too hard to believe, though they may want to. Suffering and pain created by others has made cynics of us all, sowing discord and distrust in the stories of the Bible. So we choose instead to value the ‘person’ and the whole of humanity in the place of God. Similarly to creation and wonder, we have begun to look for answers in science and explain away God and Jesus. 

The vice of curiosity (having to understand everything, all the time) is trying to destroy the wonder and Love for creation and others that God has placed in your heart. Why can’t natural wonders be just that, awe inspiring wonders? Why can’t we love our neighbor because they are a child of God, rather than a co-inhabitor of humanity? Why does everything need to be quantified and placed in a nice neat box of understanding? In all my readings and research I have come to the conclusion that science defends the Bible as easily as many claim it has debunked it. I believe that humanity proves the Love of God just as many have claimed the opposite. Faith and belief is a paradoxical affair.  

But as I sit in my garden, looking at the colors of the beets and carrots being pulled from the ground, I know I am thankful to God. I WANT to believe its all true, and so I do. Because the logical understanding of wonder and love are proved by that which is difficult to believe, a paradox that gives me hope and meaning for my day. 

[claridon]

Great post by Sam Gyorfi

[tylermiller-blog]

On Recent Events

Yes, our country is changing.

No, panic, grumbling, and fear are not fitting responses for the Church of Almighty God. Jesus is still on his throne. What is the proper response? I believe it’s prayer.

We as the Church must stop entrusting our time and energy to click-bait articles and hashtags as if they have the power to effect positive change in anyones heart, and return to our knees in prayer to the God who can.

Now, as the cultural tides begin to reveal themselves as undeniably shifting and Christianity settles into the margins. Now as legitimate persecution begins to look as if it may poke its head over the horizon even here in the US. Now, amidst the seared consciences of a culture that has done all it can to erase the reality of the sacred and embrace unfettered sensuality, a culture that comes out swinging at anyone toting an even relatively undiluted message of divine authority, now is when the Church of Jesus Christ gets to shine brightest.

Let us return to our knees in prayer. Let our thoughts, speech, and actions be guided and informed by the love and grace we have received in Christ. Let us not waste this amazing opportunity to bless those who curse us and reveal the love of Jesus. Let us stand for the truth, guided by love, not anger. Let us pray like the apostle Paul, with tears in our eyes, for those who walk as enemies of the cross, whose god is their stomach and whose glory is in their shame. Let us pray for the gift of tears and the ability to feel the things God feels. 

Let us remember that Jesus commissioned his disciples not as a moral majority calling for behavioral modification, but a missional minority, filled with the power of the Holy Spirit and armed with the best news man would ever receive, that Jesus died to save sinners like us. And most of all, let us trust firmly in the name of Jesus come what may. Jesus wins.

——

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. They collapse and fall, but we rise and stand upright. Ps 20:7-8

If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14