Hey, welcome to my blog! I mostly use this for various reblogs, art/fanart, and my personal thoughts. I'm a writer and artist so feel free to check out my works!
Under the Blood Moon Cancelled and quitting games. Long post explaining my decision under the break.
Been procrastinating on writing this, but the longer I don’t make obvious and publicly available the worse I feel soooo here we go.
Under the Blood Moon won’t be receiving any more updates and game development for it has ceased as of two months ago. Additionally, I won’t be making any more VNs, games, or updating past games. There are a couple of reasons why I’m quitting game development when it comes to leading projects.
Family. My Aunt and uncle, who I consider like parents to me, are elderly with multiple health issues and need fulltime care taker to help them with day-to-day needs. They’ve been getting by with help from other family members and even their neighbors, but it's abundantly clear that someone as to step in and provide more dedicated care, and I decided that it should be me. My Aunt and Uncle have done so much to help and care for me that I want to return the favor now. Which means my focus needs to shift to prioritize them over creative projects.
Burn out/ loss of passion. I just don't want to continue working on it straight up. Ever since Repurpose was completed (maybe even before then) I’ve been burnt out and just sick of game development as a whole. But I keep putting myself in this position because It’s what I and others have come to known me for. But the sad truth is I hate, hate, HAAAAATTTTTE being in a position where I have to take on 100 different responsibilities and roles as an autistic person who gets overwhelmed easily. Especially when most of the stuff I have to do isn’t drawing, which is what I’m most passionate about, second to storytelling. When you’re on a team of basically just one or two people with outsourced help, it’s especially true. And even though UTBM is way smaller in comparison with only one love interest ( no, there was never going to be an Eden route) it still would have taken my partner and me like 2 years to make at the rate I was miserably going.
No money. Sorry, but it's true LMAO. I want money to buy food, pay bills, afford nice things, or even to have my own place instead of having to live with a family member (in this economy its fucking impossible I know). I put so much love and hard work into my games, and I’m proud of them and glad people enjoy them, but it’s just not worth the effort anymore if I don’t get enough financially from it. I would have maybe continued working on UTBM for a little while longer, or at least till day 2 was finished, had I met my lowest patreon goal, but I never did. And I told myself I wouldn’t continue UTBM if I couldn't make at least that. If I were going to suffer through making a game, I would at least work on it and scale back elements for $300 a month.
Relationship with Art. For the past year or two, I’ve just had a terrible view of myself and the art I create. I feel like my art isn’t as good as I want it to be, especially when I go long periods of time without picking up my tablet pen because I’m doing other game dev stuff. I also have just felt like art isn’t worth doing if I don't get x amount of approval points from doing it. I’ve also just been so horribly depressed these past few years because multiple immediate family members died, and I felt like game development robbed me of any time I could have spent with them. Sometimes I’ll spend hours a day being too scared or demoralized to draw before I either make an attempt or abandon drawing that day altogether. It just fucking sucks, and I want to be able to draw stuff because I want to, regardless of if it's bad, gets no attention, or some other third thing.
So what now? Well, to make it clear this doesn’t mean I’m giving up creative works or even drawing as a whole. Rather I’m going to put my time back into being an artist and making comics and short-form content (like yt shorts/tiktoks/reels) that I can make much quicker and with less stress compared to games.
I started a comic called “Contradictory Attractions” that features two familiar…. “Repurposed” faces that also take place within the Under the Blood Moon timeline.
Contradictory Attractions is a wlw/yuri comic following Noelle and Irene as heroes that slay blood creatures by day and night while navigating a situationship in-between. Can a young, masc asexual girl and a promiscuous """straight""" milf make it work? Or are they doomed before they can even start?
I have the first four pages of it available to view on tumblr, bluesky, instagram, patreon, and even on my new twitter if you want to follow along.
Anyway. Thats all I can say for now. I’m tired and sad and hungry and spent all day just trying to write this. Seeya !
TLDR Under the blood moon is cancelled bc life sucks and I’m sad and broke and I wanna work on a yuri comic instead.
Noelle and Irene are heroes that slay blood creatures by day and night while navigating a situationship in-between. Can a young butch asexual and an older sex crazed """straight""" woman make it work? Or are they doomed before they can even start.
First 4 pages of a new comic I'm working! Set in an seperate timeline from Repurpose, my other work, but has familiar faces nonetheless. I want to try to get at least 4 pages out a month (15 planned in total) so people can get a grasp on Irene and Noelle's dynamic before I make any shippy content with them. Hopefully, people will enjoy my weird yuri, and if not, well, this is all anyone is going to get from me for a while anyway.
Finally got the first page of my comic done. hopefully i can finish 3 more pages before the month is over. But please look at how cute my straggets look next to each other!!!
I knew it had been coming for about a week prior and I had so many thoughts in that time. Mostly sadness, a lot of anger, and just exhaustion all around
I need to put my feelings somewhere, but none of them change the reality that he's gone. So there's no need to read this if you're not in a good place to do so.
I need to say first, that I loved my Father, I really did, but my Father was a difficult person to love
He had his kindness and you knew he loved you if he did
And as such, I feel I should start by talking about things he did and loved
He loved Karaoke, it was his absolute favorite thing to do. And he was an amazing singer, every person who ever heard my Father sing could fall in love with his voice alone.
The fact that he only ever sang for Karaoke and never like, posting videos to YouTube or covering songs or finding a way to sing for a living still baffles me because the man could SING.
But instead he was a Karaoke DJ, who would host Karaoke at Bars he loved. He loved going to bars too, for some reason, I never understood the appeal. But bars were where he met most of his friends, most of the people he would date after my mother, and that was how he made his money.
He was an amazing cook as well, if he made something in the kitchen you were usually in for a treat. He used to cater parties for his friends where he would do all the cooking and the meals were always delicious.
He loved comics and comic book characters, especially DC but also Marvel. He loved watching the newest shows on Netflix, or Hulu, or Disney+, he was always watching something new and enjoying it. He always lamented that he never could find anyone to talk about what he was watching with him.
He was passionate, he was a bit of a dreamer, and he always wanted to be doing whatever made HIM happy.
But growing up he also had anger issues. He yelled and fought with my Mom a lot when I was a kid, which eventually led them to get divorced. And after that I basically didn't hear from him for years, until he randomly showed back up one day.
And that was when I learned he, essentially, had no fucking idea on how to live his life.
Everywhere he ever lived was in a single bedroom entirely. Doesn't matter if it was an apartment with multiple rooms, he only ever lived in his bedroom. And he didn't really care if that bedroom was clean either.
He didn't just sleep in the bedroom, if he was home he was in there. He even cooked all of his food in his bedroom. He did not leave it, despite the apartments being under his name, despite him being the one paying the bills.
And this was because he always had roommates who took over everything else. The first roommate I ever met was a crazy woman who didn't want her child to go to school because she was afraid they were brainwashing her kid. Why the fuck was she a roommate of his???
When that apartment got evicted, his next roommate was an alcoholic who spent every night drinking on the front porch of their apartment getting nearly blackout drunk on the cheapest alcohol he could afford.
I don't remember what happened with that apartment, but that too fell through and he had to leave it. From there he eventually developed diabetes, suffered major heart failure, and had to have a quintuple bypass done to keep him going.
That was the start of his health decline. After that he was just never the same again.
Him and my sister had a falling out for even more years than me because he abused her trust and nearly financially ruined her from all the money he needed to borrow. He eventually paid her back, but what broke the straw for her was the fact that she's a nurse and he's a patient that refuses to listen to the medical advice he was given all the time made him infuriating to be around.
Some time after his heart failure he ended up getting disability (because his untreated diabetes was making him legally blind) and he went house shopping with that money.
And he bought the worst fucking goddamn house I have ever had the displeasure of walking into. Jesus Christ it was basically falling apart the moment he bought it and in one of the worst neighborhoods he possibly could have gotten it in.
Out of the kindness of my heart, because my Father's health had been failing and I wanted to spend time with him in case it got worse, I would visit him between once a week or once every other week (even at the expense of me going into credit card debt just to visit him), and it was a shit show in there.
The AC was broken from the day he moved in so the house was always fucking hot. The only time I ever developed heat exhaustion was because I was in his fucking hot ass house for too long without cool air or water. Once again he ONLY lived in his goddamn room, including cooking food in there, but now he was wheelchair bound, blind, and apparently dumb, because he let one of the WORST roommates he'd ever chosen live in THE REST of the house.
I would go in the front door and would often have to walk past his asshole roommates in the living room just to get to him. And if he wasn't going anywhere he was just laying in his bed watching TV or making food. That was it.
And NO ONE in the family wanted to take him in because of his shitty fucking attitude towards the rest of us. He couldn't live with me because I live with my Mother because times are hard and I can't ever blame her for not wanting the man in her life again. If it wasn't for me needing a ride to see him I doubt she'd ever have had anything to do with him! I was basically forced to drag him back into her life!!
That house got foreclosed, by-the-way. And his shitty ass roommates became squatters in it. Even with Dad gone they're still sending him letters about the foreclosure and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if those assholes are still squatting in his old house to this day.
The only reason he got out of that house, the ONLY REASON, is because his health failed so badly once again he was hospitalized. His kidneys ended up failing and from that day forward he was on dialysis for the rest of his life.
We literally could not trust him to be on his own, but none of us could stand to live with the man, so we managed to find an independent living for him to stay in. Easily the nicest place he'd lived in for decades at that point, and no possibility of any shitty roommates following him because they'd have to be approved by the facility.
He was doing better there. Sure, he was still being hospitalized once a year because he never fucking took care of himself, but there was some genuine hope that he might be able to recover enough to maybe live on his own there or figure something out so he could get back into some shape and maybe get out of the wheelchair one day and walk on his own two legs.
I don't think my sister or I ever believed he would though. He just seemed to prefer being in the wheelchair and despite all his talks about wanting to walk again, I don't think he ever took them seriously. He always, always pushed it off to later, because he was tired, and I'm sure he genuinely was, but that just meant he was never letting his muscles rebuild to walk again.
And then eventually he fell in his wheelchair. And he didn't tell us about it until it was too late. He fell in his bedroom, and apparently laid on the ground of 14 hours, before calling the paramedics to get him up, and when they asked if he wanted to go to the hospital, he said no.
And we didn't know this, not till weeks later, when he should've gone right away.
Did you know he had a secret girlfriend while at this new facility? Yeah. Neither did we. SHE didn't convince him to go to the hospital after the fall either, though I'm sure she recommended it.
My father was a stupid, stubborn man, who believed that he didn't need the hospital unless it was life-threateningly severe. In his brittle, weakened state, where his legs basically didn't work, his eyes were clouded over, and his heart had a pacemaker in it...
Yeah, he was in the perfect shape to just sleep off a head injury.
It turned out he had a brain bleed from it. And then he started slurring his words, which none of us knew, and it was only because the dialysis center noticed his speech was slurring and sent him to the hospital.
He had three simultaneous heart attacks while there, and he left us. His body still worked but he wasn't there anymore. We gave him a week to recover, but there were zero changes what-so-ever, and then he was gone. Just like that.
And as much as I was furious with my father, because he was a fucking asshole who never took his stupid health seriously and lived in the worst conditions possible all the time, I still cried and wished he didn't have to die like this.
He was the type of guy who was just going to die in his room one day and we would have just stumbled upon him that way and it upsets me that it almost was what happened.
But in the end we were all there with him, watching one of his favorite movies with him as he passed. I'm grateful for that. All that seems to be left since has been a lot of anger at how fucking stupid he was, a lot of sadness I'm working through, but despite it all I still loved him deeply.
And getting this all out has helped me get over some of that anger, to get over some of my hang ups with him, and hopefully, now, I can just heal, and remember the father that I loved growing up.
I love you Dad. I hope you're in a better place now. Saying goodbye to you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, but thank you for being my Dad.
Hopefully your next roommate won't be an asshole. You always deserved better than that.
Irene and Noelle B/W and Colored refs for Contradictory Attractions! A masc asexual woman and a 'straight' woman find themselves in a strange and paradoxical romantic relationship while working as partners in defending their planet from deadly blood creatures.
I have plans for these two and hopefully will have it done before pride month is over. It's a toxic(ish) Yuri comic/manga called Contradictory Attractions! Script is done i just need to finish up their refs before I can start actually drawing the comic
I have plans for these two and hopefully will have it done before pride month is over. It's a toxic(ish) Yuri comic/manga called Contradictory Attractions! Script is done i just need to finish up their refs before I can start actually drawing the comic
I’ve just got to ask—is there any plans and ideas for UTBM Kalei?? Not in game, but just general miscellaneous thingys about him 👀
I mainly want to know if he has a confirmed/canon job or not since I have him down as their rehab worker
He won't be a major main character or even a support character in any of the main storylines Sam and I are thinking up (currently), but I did have some ideas on just what he would be doing in the background of the setting
I do reeeeally like the idea of Kalei being a rehab worker, as there is a lot of casual and addictive use of illegal dosages of drugs. Kalei was inspired to go into that line of work because a family member passed away due to an overdose. (I haven't decided if it was an uncle/ aunt or one of his parents yet)
Kalei is of a relatively small minority of non-bipedal people. In Pangea, if you're missing a leg or some other body part, science has advanced so far that they can regrow those parts so long as some majority of your body is intact. And if they can't or someone wants, they can have advanced prosthetics equipped to help them. Kalei, however, doesn't meet the traditional standards for these types of procedures because, well, he doesn't view himself as "disabled" because he CAN very much move around fine, it just has to be in water. And most, if not all, of human society is on land. To become bi-pedal he would have to literally seperate himself from his tail, his gift, and he finds that very upsetting.
Before his hydration sleeve, he would have to be moved around in a pretty heavy tank to get from place to place. So there are large periods of time where he was homebound. probably had to be homeschooled around his teens as his tank was just too big and it became too dangerous to go out alone .
He was most definitely picked on by other kids in school and seen as a lower human being because he is wheelchair-bound.
His hydration sleeve was made by UTBMverse Mitts, who, at a very young age, were visiting Mount Tech on a school trip where Kalei would get his tank chair fixed/ or replaced. Mitts proposed to one of the staff there that instead of a big fish bowl, they make a "big ol sock" that keeps Kalei's tail hydrated and drew up the schematics in her notebook.
To this day, Mitts and Kalei are friends and repair and make new sleeves for him so he can go about his days more easily.
Kalei's gift awoke when he went to the beach with his family. One minute he was in the shallow end, the next, he was swimming all over the place with a newly grown fin!
Kalei does not miss his legs, as even when he had them, he felt frustrated and hot all the time.
His room is an indoor pool, with the inside of the pool having special sea-themed furniture fixed to the bottom and walls.
sometimes I misread your name as Sam Ross and have the urge to draw you like Bob Ross
Well that's certainly a nice compliment! Much like Bob Ross I also encourage people to be creative, learn to create, and share their creations with the world!
Do it cause it makes you happy and don't worry about what others think of it!
Honestly it's advice even I have a hard time following sometimes, but I do genuinely believe in it.
I need Cherri so baddddd how did you make them so loveable its not fair
I'm fairly certain that it's a combination of the innocent goofball vibe, as well as the paternal love/care, combined into a handsome/beautiful character
Cheri also tends to have the relatable trait of not wanting to cause harm, and that even if they accidentally do, they want to fix their mistakes and make the world a better place than they left. And even in that scenario, they feel that the weight of the world holds them back from their full potential, or they are bound by rules and laws that feel outside of their control.
Eros gave me the foundation of her character and I just emphasized those aspects! The bumbling, loveable goof-ball that doesn't always realize what they're doing.
Under the Blood Moon Day 1/demo is out now for FREE!
Under the Blood Moon is a dark romance with a religious leader (late 30s) in the sleepy town of Lynnbridge. Experience what it means to join the church, through the lens of Tanya Cheong, or your own original character. Is the church as bad as everyone says it is? Will it become your home? Can you trust them?
Features: Ability to play as various gender identities, Customizable Player character portrait, Choice to play the story through a custom character or the canon protagonist (Tanya Cheong), 20K words as of the present day, Partially voiced, Animated sprites, Cinematic scenes
Content Warning: Under the Blood Moon contains the following: Swearing, Religious/Cult themes, Abuse, Death, Murder, and Dark Themes (emphasis on DARK themes). This game is NOT for anyone under the age of 18.
🎮 Play on Desktop/ Mobile Browser Download (PREFFERED)
❤️ Support Project
🔁 Reblogs are appreciated!
Sam's Mod Blog @samrosemodblog - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
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