Staring out the window, mind devoid of feeling, Dean was vaguely aware of the jingle of Robert’s tags as he shifted in the other room. The distance that had fallen between the brothers was beginning to feel like a huge chasm. The two were overcoming their own ordeals, each they had faced alone. Dean felt no animosity toward Sam, he understood what his brother had done. If there was any semblance of anger within Dean, it was all focused on himself. It was his fault that any of the recent events had happened after all.
They had not only lost touch with each other, but those they had called friends as well. Dean knew that Sam was grieving that loss too. Hell, even Dean himself felt an emptiness that he couldn’t quite describe. Of course, he didn’t let any of these feelings show. Just like always. These feelings were weakness, and being weak meant that the enemy would win. Sighing deeply, Dean turned from the window, standing up from the desk. He grunted as he stretched, rubbing his eye as he closed the laptop. The web search had turned up plenty of possible cases in the nearby area, but Dean was feeling too exhausted to pursue any of them today.
Entering into the bedroom, Dean couldn’t help but smirk at Robert, shaking his head at the dog as he made his way to his side of the mattress. Shoving the dog more towards Sam, Dean fluffed his pillows and propped them up against the headboard. Glancing towards his brother, Dean slid onto the bed, rubbing Robert’s belly after he managed to situate himself. After a few long minutes of silence, Dean finally turned to Sam, his brows raised.
“Hey, Sammy?”
His eyes opened. The dog was security, protection, from a possible storm, but it was nothing compared to Dean Winchester arriving. Nothing compared to his big brother- and who knew what else. Everything piled into one person, who contained one body, and was alive. That was what mattered. Who hadn’t left him, who hadn’t confirmed every damn suspicion and whisper of the illusions he saw and left.
Facing the wall, he hadn’t moved, however, not until Dean spoke. He didn’t dare move, he didn’t invite the universe to decide to act then, to choose that moment to be the one to bring the noises, the lights, the end of the world on his head. Rolling carefully to avoid the dog, he glanced up to his brother, hair in his eyes.
He’d been broken down to bring him to this state, away from madness, and losing the ties of those he considered friends had shattered even more. He’d learned to rely on them, in some cases more than Dean almost. They brought stability, living spaces that weren’t motels, they brought conversations that were different, whole new personalities that he’d learned to get along with and fit into his life- and they’d left. Like everyone else. He felt like a kid again. He felt like his world had settled down into one person, one line of option, and while the person was his life, the options were bleak.
Death waited for them, no matter what they did. Only now he had Robert relying on him. He had to stay safe for Robert.
“Mmm?” The question isn’t really words. He’s still playing it safe, trying to stay invisible to the universe, even if he knew it wasn’t going to work, there was no one watching him, waiting. At least he was that sane. He thought.
