I'M THE FUCKING KING

Samuel Thayer. Call me Sammy and I'll rip your nuts off. I did it to get back at my mom, that's all you need to know.

[samuelthayer]

Maybe it committed suicide.

[aliceinnowhere]

Ah yes, the most logical of all explanations. 

[samuelthayer]

Duh.

[samuelthayer]

What would be yours?

[aliceinnowhere]

I don’t know, question how it got there in the first place?

[samuelthayer]

Maybe it committed suicide.

[samuelthayer]

I could feed people to it.

[aliceinnowhere]

Of course that would be your first idea. 

[samuelthayer]

What would be yours?

[samuelthayer]

Maybe. Just would make this place all the much more exciting. 

I could feed people to it.

[aliceinnowhere]

I think I actually did see something lurking in the lake earlier. 

[samuelthayer]

Maybe it's Nessie.

[scummisland-deactivated20200625]

[thewinniejones]

Please, I just - fuck off. 

[samuelthayer]

What's your problem, bitch?

[samuelthayer]

Yes. Very much. 

Fine..

[he mumbles, looking at the ground] Reminds me of my mom..

[samuelthayer]

Easy comfort isn’t comforting.

I barely even had a real funeral.

[samuelthayer]

S-Sorry?

I mean..

I don't know how to comfort people.. So.. Um.

[samuelthayer]

I… 

Fuck.. Don't cry.

[kelsbenson]

I can’t shake the image of my mother crying from my mind.

[samuelthayer]

Really? Cause I already forgot mine.

[samuelthayer]

Yes, but, er… That’s not really a proper answer is it, Samuel?

Why do you want it? 

Does that matter?

[lolaxklein]

I'd like to propose a toast -

[samuelthayer]

Uh, he was a character in a book. He threw himself his own funeral. 

I don't read.

Anyway, it's not like I'd have anyone to invite.

[lolaxklein]

I'd like to propose a toast -

[samuelthayer]

Who doesn’t give their kid a funeral? Shit.

You need an Augustus Waters style funeral, then. 

Who?

[lolaxklein]

I'd like to propose a toast -

[samuelthayer]

That’s fucked up. What a bitch.

Yeah, she was.

[lolaxklein]

I'd like to propose a toast -

[samuelthayer]

Yup. My mother decided on an open casket for the beautiful but deceased. 

My mother decided I didn't get a funeral.