timey wimey

samuel valance. 29 years old. father to poppy valance stormageddon. native brit. self confessed geek and lover of bowties, cool hats and custard.

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@samvalance uploaded a new picture to instagram: tantrum child

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I’m not a parent but I was raised my a single mom and I swear she had eyes in the back of her head and had some ultra secret book or club or something that made her awesome at it. It probabaly didn’t hurt that she had my older brother and seven years to work on things before I arrived. But I’m sure you’re doing great. Maybe put on a kids show? Disney movie? It seemed to always work for me but then I ended up singing, very off key might I add, at the top of my lungs. So that might not solve your problem.

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Yes well, she’s my first one so I’m still figuring it out somewhat. Not even Elsa is helping these tantrums today. 

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Alright, I’m gonna say it. I’m a single dad. Are toddlers always this difficult? How do people even know how to parent? Stormageddon has had at least four tantrums already today. 

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“Do I need to speak louder?”

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“LET ME JUST SWITCH MY HEARING AID ON!”

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“ is dada even a–i’m not going to question it !! when can i meet this bundle of joy ?? “

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“Said bundle of joy is asleep currently, but I’ll probably take her to the park tomorrow around lunch time if you fancy popping by.”

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“Can you even hear me?”

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“Sorry, what did you say??”

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“You poor thing.”

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“I know, granddad over here.”

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“ i should have figured that out. does she walk or talk yet ?? “

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“Walking she has down. And she knows a few words. Dada is obviously her favourite. She’s a clever girl.”

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@samvalance uploaded a new picture to instagram: goodnight, stormageddon.

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“ and why does she go by stormageddon ?? should i even ask ?? “

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“Because she’s cool like that.”

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“Three years until my twenties are over. Holy shit.. time goes by fast.”

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“Yeah... I have like a year.”

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“ you have a daughter ?? aw !! well, if you need a babysitter, my parents can most certainly help. what’s her name ?? “

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“I do indeed. Her name is Poppy but she also goes by Stormageddon.”

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“It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? Does anyone else feel as old as I do?”

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“I definitely feel old. The fact that my twenties are nearly over... yikes.”

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“ always !! and why don’t you ask her, then ?? “

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“Well, you see... I have a daughter. A little girl. She’s not even two. I don’t really know who I’d leave her with on such short notice. I mean, I’ll talk to my mum and see if she can have her but I’m just not sure.”

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“ always !! and why don’t you ask her, then ?? “

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“Well, you see... I have a daughter. A little girl. She’s not even two. I don’t really know who I’d leave her with on such short notice. I mean, I’ll talk to my mum and see if she can have her but I’m just not sure.”

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“ well, i mean, did you have a crush on anyone in high school ?? now’s the time to act on that ! i’ll probably go with a friend or an ex. “

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“In high school it was always me and Lola. But times have changed. Can you keep a secret?”

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“ the invite says “ dress your sexiest and bring a date or don’t even bother “, so i’m pretty sure that means bring a date and dress promiscuously or don’t show up. do you have anyone in mind ?? “

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“Crikey. Well, I’m not one hundred percent sure I’ll even be able to go. But I’m sure you’ll find a date, Jasmine.”